Chapter Text
*******
“A boy – ha, a healthy one, you hear him?” Dr. Alvara laughed as he handed the baby to Grisha, who waited near his colleague with evident impatience and a soft towel to wrap and clean their son; beside Karla, Rosanne smiled and wiped at her sweaty face before pushing at a button on one of the many beeping instruments off to the side then stepped out of the way.
“Grisha, bring him here,” Karla insisted as she held out her arms. “I want to see him!” She frowned with concern at the way her baby cried and wanted to hold him, to make sure he was all right.
“One moment.” He did something to the baby, to *Eren*, their son, and then hurried over with a wide grin on his face. “Nothing wrong with those lungs, yes?” His smile softened as their hands overlapped around the squirming bundle. “You… I love you,” he whispered as tears glimmered in his eyes.
“You better,” she whispered back, her body one huge ache which she all but forgot as she pulled her son against her chest. “Oh. *Oh*.” Yes, this was what had made it all worthwhile, this bundle of perfection, the red scrunched up face and tiny balled fists, the wet strands of dark hair she stroked with a shaking finger. Thick lashes fluttered as he opened his eyes, his screams faltering as he gave her a bleary stare with dark blue eyes, and she felt her heart batter against her chest as something so intense, something so primitive tore through her. “Hey you. You’re Eren, you know.”
He hiccupped again as she loosened the towel to look him over, to stroke more of that soft, perfect skin. Ten tiny toes and ten tiny fingers, and… and a wavy, black scroll on the left side of his collarbone, so small that it looked like a smudge of ink left behind by a careless swipe.
“Karla, give him back to me for a few minutes,” Grisha urged. “There’s still the afterbirth and you need to be cleaned up.” He held out his hands while Rosanne and Dr. Alvara approached the bottom of the bed to position themselves between her spread feet.
She sighed as she rewrapped the towel around her son. “Okay.” Just a few more minutes and she could have him back then could rest. As Grisha held on to Eren once more, she wondered what that smudge would become in the next dozen years or so, what name it would form – it wouldn’t be a long one, that much was evident. She just hoped that Eren would be as lucky as she had been and that it would be the name of someone he loved.
*******
When a person was born, they would bear a mark on their upper chest, a pattern of black lines much like loose scrollwork which would one day form the name of another person. The timing of that revelation was individual to each person, but usually occurred in childhood - for most around puberty - but it wasn’t unheard of for people to start dreaming of their ‘other’ in early childhood or while on the cusp of adulthood. At first there had been talk of ‘soulmates’, of finding one’s inamorata… and that was true for some people. The name *could* be that of one’s true love. But that was only part of what the name signified, and too simple a way to describe its significance. The name was a way to identify someone of importance, be it good or bad, someone of influence in a past life in such a way that they would continue to do so in the next.
Sometimes that person was a lover, someone who was meant to be found again and again. They could be someone who was that other half, someone who was needed so much, who was the ultimate security, was the missing part, the best friend – it did not have to be a romantic or sexual partner at all. Sometimes it was a family member, the ties of blood so strong that they were to be reunited in each new life.
Sometimes it was a warning. Sometimes it was a name of the person who was avoid at any cost, or a brand to signify a debt owed, a revenge that was to be carried on well past death. Some people craved to meet the person bearing the name inked across their chest for the love and comfort they would bring, and some for the peace or resolution to their pain. As for others, they hoped to never meet their ‘other half’. It was because of those people that there was no more talk of soulmates, and no questions asked about the name on someone’s chest. Those who were one of the lucky ones might share their joy with their close friends, with the people they knew whom were similarly ‘blessed’, but that was it. Life wasn’t all about blessings and happiness, and some people… some were all too thankful to have a warning in this life to spare them the pain of the past.
*******
There was Momma at the bottom of the slide, the fun slide, the one Eren always loved to go down when at the big tree park because it was so fast and tall and he felt like he was flying and Momma was always there with her arms open wide like right now. She laughed as she caught him, so warm and pretty and she smelled so good, smelled like chocolate and spices, like the cake she had made when Papa had gone away and then come back tired yet smiling and had hugged Eren and Momma as if he would never let them go. Had come back with the stuffed dog that growled and barked and flipped over when Eren clapped his hands so it wasn’t so bad, Papa being gone even if Eren and Momma had been so sad.
But Momma wasn’t sad now, Momma was happy and smiling and laughing as she hugged Eren so close, as he hugged her back with his fingers tangled in her soft hair. “One more time, yes?”
“Yes, Momma.” He smiled as she lifted him up and put him on the ladder, and he laughed as he climbed the rest of the way, such a big boy, his momma’s big boy, until he stood up so high over everything at the top. Only a little afraid at being so high, he sat down then waited as he’d been told, waited until Momma was at the bottom of the slide to push off, happy that there weren’t any other kids around for once to yell at him to go, to shove him out of the way. As soon as he saw her, he pushed off, laughing once more as the wind rushed by-
Only Momma wasn’t there anymore, and the soft sand was gone, the green grass and trees and bright swings and- it was all gone. Eren found himself kneeling on cold stone, only… only he wasn’t himself. Something was wrong, his body was wrong, was bigger, was odd and he *hurt*. He wanted to cry from the confusion, from the pain and the strangeness, but all that came out was a snarled sound.
Momma was gone, the park was gone, and all these strange people were there, people with no faces, people who sat in boxes and made angry buzzing noises, like scary bees that chased after Eren and made him afraid. He wanted to run away, to go find Momma, but he was on his knees and his arms – his arms were behind him, with something cold and hard around his wrists. He wanted to cry, to run away, but the cold heavy things kept him in place, and the angry buzzing continued around him as the faceless people moved about, the noise louder and louder as he continued to pull at whatever kept him in place, kept him from running away, kept him from Momma and Papa and-
Then someone came near him, someone who wasn’t faceless, someone in some weird white and brown clothes. At first he hoped that the person was Papa, or maybe Uncle Jorge or Bren’s papa, but it wasn’t them, was someone with dark hair and-
Pain. Eren felt pain, so much pain, worse than when he’d fallen out of Papa’s car because he been bad and unbuckled the straps and… oh it hurt. He found himself, the weird ‘himself’ forced to look up at the bad man who’d just hurt him, at grey eyes staring down at him and then his face was shoved down onto the hard floor. Strange emotions tore through him, pain and confusion and… and – he didn’t know what, just knew that-
*******
Noise. There was a noise from Eren’s room. Grisha groaned as he tugged the warm duvet higher and, half-awake, wondered whose turn it was to check up on the boy. Beside him, Karla mumbled something that sounded a lot like ‘checked last night’ before she rolled over onto her left side.
Wondering why it seemed that Eren always woke up thirsty or spooked or needing to go the bathroom when Grisha had early rounds at the hospital, Grisha groaned again and was working up the will to push back the duvet and get out of the very warm and comfortable bed when there was a loud, piercing wail. His and Karla’s reactions were instantaneous – the duvet ended halfway on the carpeted floor as they leapt from the bed at almost the same time, Karla somehow beating him to the door as they raced to their son’s room.
She ran right to Eren’s bed while he flipped on the light, and they found Eren huddled beneath his bright red duvet as that horrible, heart-rending sound continued. Karla hovered for a couple of seconds after she pulled the bedding aside before she settled next to Eren and then gathered him into her arms while she murmured his name.
Grisha sat down next to them and stroked his left hand over Eren’s forehead, worried about the sweat and heat pouring off of his son, along with the frantic pulse and labored breathing. This didn’t seem like a simple nightmare, especially when Eren didn’t waken right away.
“Eren, sweetie, it’s okay, we’re here.” There was a note of panic to Karla’s voice as she clutched Eren to her while her hands stroked along his back. “Come on, sweetie, wake up.” She jostled him a little, and all of a sudden the wailing stopped; Eren shuddered all over as if shocked, his eyes so dilated that only a thin ring of teal blue could be seen.
“Honey, let me see him,” Grisha urged, and Karla handed over their son after a few seconds with obvious reluctance. Eren’s temperature was definitely elevated, and even awake his heart-rate was still accelerated; it felt as if Grisha held a captured animal and not a child. He made a soothing noise as he brushed back the damp, dark strands falling onto Eren’s face and noticed how the boy was still out of it. “Eren, can you tell me what happened? What made you so scared?” He had to repeat the first question before Eren looked at him, his motions sluggish and tiny hands clenched in the worn t-shirt Grisha wore to bed.
“Buh-bad man.” Eren snuggled closer to Grisha as if seeking comfort. “There was a bad man being mean to me.”
Grisha shared a worried look with his wife before she reached for the colorful top to Eren’s pajamas, which was soaked with the boy’s sweat. “Do you know this bad man? Have you seen him before?” Grisha felt as if he’d been punched when the top was tugged down enough to reveal that the black whorls on Eren’s chest had changed at some point between his son’s bath earlier that night and now to spell out the name ‘Levi’.
“No,” Eren mumbled as he rubbed at his face with his right hand. “Bad man,” he repeated, sounding tired and cranky.
Karla traced the name with a trembling finger and shook her head. “He’s too young – he’s not even five yet,” she whispered.
Yes, too young… especially if the name was one of ‘those’, was one meant to warn. Grisha clutched Eren against him for several seconds as he fought against the urge to yell, to lash out, to… he wanted to protect his son, to spare him from the pain, any pain. Whoever this ‘Levi’ was, he could only hope that he found him before Eren did.
He forced himself to loosen his hold on his son, who had made a sleepy, grumpy sound at the tight embrace. “It’s… not unheard of,” he admitted. “Maybe… maybe something feels he needs to be… forewarned.” He winced at the flash of fury which crossed his wife’s face; this ‘Levi’ would never be a threat to Eren if Karla had her way. “Take Eren and give him a bath, make it cool to help with his temperature,” he urged his wife. “I’ll make up his bed then bring you some clean clothes for him.”
“All right.” Karla gathered up a sleepy Eren and left the room, her demeanor so protective that Grisha wouldn’t be surprised if Eren ended up in their bed for the rest of the night.
*******
Eren sighed as he sat up in bed and grabbed his phone, which he thumbed along the touchscreen to turn off the alarm. Dammit, he’d been having one of ‘those’ dreams when it had gone off, something about the bastard and ‘responsibility’ and – he groaned as he dropped the phone onto the side of the bed and rubbed his left collarbone through his white t-shirt.
It never was a good sign when the day started off one of ‘those’ dreams, dammit, and on a day when he had to work early. Allowing himself a few more seconds to wallow in misery, he then forced himself to get out of bed and get ready for the day; he had the opening shift at the Rose Bakery before his classes, and not much time for a shower and a quick bite to eat. At least an energy bar should hold him over until the first batch of donuts or croissants were out; one of the benefits of working at a bakery was that there was always something to eat.
It didn’t take long to get ready, one of the few perks of being a university student was that much wasn’t expected of him on that end, and soon enough he was out the door. Another perk of being a university student – well, one with supportive parents – was having an apartment close to both work and campus, so he could walk or bike to work and class. Since he wasn’t running late this morning, he left the bike at home and enjoyed the early spring weather, despite the fact that it was still dark.
Ymir had beat him to the bakery, but it looked as if not by much as she was still turning things on and hadn’t set out anything yet. “What, no hot date last night?” he called out as he hung up his coat and grabbed one of the clean aprons, then pulled the cap he wore to keep his hair out of the way from his backpack.
Busy starting up the ovens, Ymir paused to give him the finger even as she grinned. “Oh it was hot all right, but Krista has a big test today so it was an early night.” She fussed with the oldest of the ovens, the one that always needed a little more attention than the others, before saying anything else. “You wanna deal with the croissants today?”
“Eh, why not?” They took a little more attention than the donuts and so should help him focus on something other than the dream; Eren shrugged as he finished tying the apron and then went to grab the necessary ingredients. “Who else is opening?” Hadn’t Craig said something about switching or giving up shifts until he finished his thesis?
“Shadis is the manager on shift today, Becky should be here any minute while Connie’s scheduled in another half an hour, and Annie when we open.”
Great, so that was two people from the ‘true love’ club, on a day when Eren wasn’t in the mood for a bunch of sappiness; at least Ymir never brought up about Eren’s ‘other half’, but Connie could be rather clueless for an otherwise clever guy. Both him and Sasha didn’t seem to realize that Eren wasn’t looking for his ‘special someone’ for a good reason….
His hand rising to rub at his chest again, Eren forced it to grab at the boxes of butter instead. Focus on work, and then worry about the class on abnormal psychology instead – it had been a couple of weeks since Professor Morinello had sprung a surprise quiz on them, so one was due at any moment. Eren knew for a fact that there wasn’t any student at Trost University who matched the bastard’s appearance - he’d combed through the profiles of everyone named ‘Levi’ and none of their pictures had matched the images in his dreams, so he was fine for the time being. So worry about getting the baked goods done before Shadis started yelling, and then maybe review his ab psych notes while on break. Worry about what you can control, as his father always reminded him. Because the world is too big and life too unpredictable, and you’ll scare people away looking like some frowning madman, as his mother loved to add on. Smiling as he thought about his parents, Eren left the cooler with his arms full and a lightened attitude.
*******
Levi was running late thanks to some asshole who appeared to be afraid to get anywhere near the speed limit when his work phone rang; figuring it was someone wondering where the hell he was, he answered it. “Ten more minutes, I’m behind someone who thinks their gas pedal is the fucking brake.”
“Oh, great, so you’re still on the way to work? Any chance you’re near Tenth Street and Baum?”
Well fuck a chainsaw, it was Hange. Levi resisted the urge to bang his head against the steering wheel and sighed instead. “About four blocks away and – dammit, now I’m stuck at a red light. What do you want? If it’s to tell me your laptop’s fried because you clicked another phishing link, I will shove your hard-drive up your ass.”
Hange laughed at the threat as if he wouldn’t carry it out, and she really should know better. “Nah, Moblit goes through my inbox first now just in case. Just a reminder that there’s the big staff meeting today and it seems no one thought to warn you that it’s your turn to pick up the snacks.”
“Hange-“
“Nope, don’t ‘Hange’ me,” his personal tormenter continued. “Petra probably let it slip because of how much a stink you made last time, but I’m not about to sit through two hours of Erwin droning on about financials and yearly outlook and ‘blah blah don’t use prototypes or test serums on the interns, it’s bad form’ without at least three éclairs in me, understood?” As the rant went on, Hange’s voice took on an almost hysterical note so Levi figured he might as well give in with some sort of – he might as well give in. The head of research could be a righteous pain in the ass to deal with when she got bored and her sugar levels dropped… and her seat at staff meetings was next to his.
“Fine, I’ll pick something up. Should be a damn store or something near here,” he grumbled as the light finally turned green.
“Yay!” Hange’s shout of joy crackled over the speakers of his Mercedes AMG, something which should NOT happen consider the quality of the sound system. “And don’t bother with some cheap grocery donuts, the Rose Bakery is right near where you should be – corner of Tenth and Baum. It’s where we always get our stuff, including those chocolate croissants you love.”
He was about to tell her to go fuck herself – she’d take whatever he brought in, but yeah, he did enjoy those croissants. “Fine. Give me half an hour.” At least it got him away from the asshole in front of him, he told himself as he cut off another of Hange’s loud cheers.
There was a small parking lot next to the bakery, and Levi managed to get a spot when another car pulled out; his sports car stood out a little, but the neighborhood was good enough that it shouldn’t be a problem leaving it there. As soon as he went inside, the delicious scent of baked goods hit him almost like a physical force; there was a hint of chocolate, a bit of spice and a definite tang of yeast. He took a deep breath to enjoy it then had to step out of the way of an older woman with a large bag in her left hand as she went out the door.
There were several display cases all around the front room, filled with a variety of cakes, breads, cookies and breakfast pastries. Levi went over to the one filled with croissants and what looked to be danishes so he could get the stuff for work and be on his way. Through the thick glass he noticed that there was someone on the other side, bent down and restocking the pastries; from what he could see, at least the employee had on some gloves.
“Uhm…?”
“Hi! One moment, let me finish and I’ll be right with you,” the person called out. Levi frowned, since for some reason the voice sounded familiar. Did he know anyone who worked as a baker? Wait, weren’t they called pastry chefs?
“Yeah, sure. Though I’ll be wanting some of those croissants there.”
The person on the other side of the display case stilled for a moment, and then there was a muttered curse before they stood up in a rush. The first impression Levi got was white and red – white from the baseball cap which bore a stylized rose from the bakery’s logo, and red from the flushed face of the young man as he stared at Levi over the high counter. Then Levi noticed the familiar wide teal eyes, the dark, thick eyebrows, the pert nose and stubborn mouth… hell, everything about that face was familiar, was one he’d seen in his dreams for the past seventeen years or more. “Eren, you’re Eren,” he breathed out as he rubbed his right hand along the name embellished across his left collarbone, hidden beneath the thin wool and fine cotton. “I’m-“
“Levi.” Eren’s eyes narrowed as he all but spat out the word. “You’re- I’m not.” He shook his head, his eyes shining with some intense emotion and the color fading from his sun-kissed skin except for the flushed spots on his cheeks. “Not this life, do you hear me? *Not* this fucking life!” He smacked his gloved hands onto the top of the counter before he spun around and charged into the back of the bakery.
Stunned by the violent reaction, Levi stood there for a couple of seconds before his brain kicked into gear. “Eren? Eren, what the fuck is going on?” He reached for the counter, ready to jump over it and race after the man whom a thousand dreams had shown to be his lover, to be the one person who had understood him, to be at his side – and just as he was about to swing up, someone else appeared from the back.
“Whoa, what the hell do you think you’re about to do?” A young woman with dark hair pulled back in a low ponytail and freckles all over her dark complexion held up her hands. “No customers behind the counters, dipshit.”
“I need to speak to Eren,” Levi ground out as he attempted to glance behind her to catch a glimpse of Eren. Dammit, that was the person he’d been waiting for more than half his life.
“Yeah, well, he’s not in the mood to talk to you. In fact, it’s a good idea for you to leave.” She made a shooing motion with her gloved right hand toward the door as if… as if he was a fucking pest or something.
“Fuck that shit – I’m here for some damn donuts *and* that’s my – look, I have his name.” Furious and confused as hell, Levi jerked aside his wool jacket and the lightweight sweater beneath it, and swore when he had to undo a couple of buttons of his dress shirt as well. “I’ve been looking for him for *years*, and he runs from me!” While he spoke, another employee, this one yet another kid with close-cropped hair, came forward to stand in the doorway as if to block it.
The young woman gave Levi’s chest a narrowed look before she shook her head. “So what if you have his name, it doesn’t mean shit if Eren says you’re someone to be avoided. You should know that.” She sounded as if she was talking to a stubborn child… or an idiot.
What the hell was going on here? Yeah, Levi knew that there were people out there whose names weren’t good things – his Uncle Kenny was one of them. But his dreams…. “We were *happy*,” he attempted to explain as the confusion won out at the moment, even though this person was a stranger.
Maybe it was that confusion, or his distress over this whole fucking mess – having the person he’d waited for over half his life run for him, having it happen in front of strangers at that – but the girl’s cold expression wavered. “Look, there’s nothing I can do when Eren refuses to see you.” She sighed as if she wanted the whole mess to go away. “So what the hell do you want – other than Eren?”
Sending another long look toward the back of the shop, Levi rubbed at his collarbone as he shook his head; he was half-tempted to screw the damn éclairs, but the longer he stayed, the better the chances that Eren might snap out of whatever the hell bout of insanity had taken over. So he pulled out his wallet and started pointing out things, mentally willing Eren to come out to talk to him all the while and explain what the hell was going on.
*******
Levi almost swung the large plastic bag containing the boxes of pastries at Petra – not so much to hit her, just as a means to motion her out of the way since she was between him and his office at the moment. “Cancel my meetings for the day,” he ordered as she stepped aside in a jerky motion, her hazel eyes wide and jaw dropping in surprise.
“But Levi – there’s the staff meeting and Erwin wants to-“
“*Cancel them*,” he repeated in a sharper tone as he stalked into his office and slammed the leather satchel which contained his laptop into his thankfully padded chair, followed by the damn pastries onto his desk. He shrugged off his wool coat to hang it up then sat down on the edge of his desk with his face buried in his hands as he thought about the… the fucking *mess* his morning had turned into, at how that brief flare of hope had crashed and burned so damn hard, when he really should have known-
A quick knock on his still open office door jerked his head up as he glared at the presumptuous idiot who dared to bother him just then. “Didn’t Petra tell you to fuck off?”
Hange shrugged as she sauntered into the room and closed the door behind her, then leaned against it, her white lab coat still clean – probably because it wasn’t much past nine in the morning. “Eh, she was squawking something about you being in a shitty mood, but when aren’t you?” When his glare went up a notch, the suicidal moron just grinned some more. “Come on, you’re not going to make me deal with Erwin at his most imperialness by myself, right? At least not without some sweet, sweet custard in me.” She made grabby motions at his desk as she crooned the last few words.
Despite his horrible mood, he found himself aghast at his friend’s antics. “You… you’re not really Zoe Hange, are you? One of those freakish test samples of yours killed you and took your place.” He cringed at the hint of drool on Hange’s face and inched away from the lunatic’s target – the boxed-up pastries.
“Ha! What gave me away, my inhuman behavior?” Hange grinned as she tugged the bag closer to her side of the desk.
“No, the fact that you’ve actually improved in that regard in the last few years.”
In the process of opening up the bag, Hange raised her head and pouted, her uneven dark brown bangs falling onto her grease-smeared glasses. “Ha, ha.” Then she smiled as her left hand rubbed along her collarbone, which was covered by a ratty light grey sweatshirt she wore beneath the lab coat. “Yeah, Moblit’s been a lifesaver.”
Mention of Hange’s assistant and platonic ‘other half’ brought back what had happened at the bakery and Levi’s dark mood; he shoved away from the desk and went to sit in his chair, this time careful to put his laptop bag down with less force. “Yeah, well, take your fucking calorie bombs with you and get out, and tell Petra to make sure no one comes in – I’m serious about no meetings today.” He dropped into the chair then fished out his laptop so he could power it on with the intent to lose himself in work for several hours… and realized that Hange hadn’t gotten the fucking hint by the time he’d logged on. “What? Get the hell out of here!”
Right hand resting on the stack of white boxes, Hange frowned as she stared at him from across the desk. “You’re serious, aren’t you? Why are you skipping the staff meeting? I mean, I know they’re boring as hell, but usually it’s a chance for us to make fun of Erwin for two hours.”
Levi clicked his tongue as he searched through his emails. “Yeah, such fun. I have a ton of shit to do, there’s a new virus out there I need to research, someone’s trying to be clever and get around the firewall because they don’t understand the concept of ‘security’, and-“
Hange leaned over the desk so she could peer at him over the edge of his laptop. “And that’s not much different from any other day for you.” She frowned as she dared to tap the top of his screen. “It doesn’t make you even more of an antisocial bastard, so spill.” When he looked up to scowl at her, she dared to smile. “Tell me or I’m skipping the meeting to hang out with you.”
“I can throw you out of here, you know.” He had lots of practice of doing just that, considering how much the pest loved to overstay her welcome.
“Ha! I’ll just have to break out the secret weapon!” She rushed back to the box of pastries and snapped at the thin cord which held it tied shut while Levi rose to his feet, then flipped open the lid. “Let’s see you stay all nice and clean if I’m smeared in… uhm, wow, okay, that’s… new. Huh. Are these special ordered or what?”
About to shove Hange out the door, Levi found himself curious despite himself and went to stand beside her so he could look inside the open box; nestled between sheets of thin waxed paper were the various pastries he’d told the girl back at the bakery to grab for him. There were some danishes that Irwin and Mike scoffed down upon sight, the apple fritters Petra adored, and Hange’s éclairs… except there was something written on two of them.
“’Fuck you’,” Hange said out loud. “And even a little frowny face with a tongue stuck out. Wow, is that a new service they’re offering or what?” She smiled at Levi, the expression slipping as he reached out to pick up one of the long donuts.
Somehow, he knew that the writing was Eren’s. He knew the kid must have done this when that freckled-face girl had gone back to get all of the pastries Levi had needed for his order since Eren had been in the process of restocking the display cases when Levi had shown up. Levi held the éclair in his left hand, something his… his ‘other half’ had touched, had possibly made, and rubbed at his collarbone with his right. Rubbed at the name that had been on his chest since he’d turned eleven years old, since the night he’d first dreamed of some young brat with blue-green eyes filled with rage and tears, so stubborn and impulsive and heartbreaking and beautiful.
“Levi? Uhm, are you going to eat that? I thought you didn’t like too-sweet things.”
He sighed as he set the pastry down on his desk and shook his head, his right hand pressed against his chest. “Fuck.”
“Yeah, I got that impression from the éclair.” Hange fell quiet for a few seconds and then sighed. “Okay, something is really wrong here – you just put food down on your precious cherry wood or whatever expensive ass desk without like, ten napkins first, and you look as if someone had shot your dog. Well, if you had a dog. A hypoallergenic, non-shedding, non-drooling dog.”
“Hange….”
“No.” There was a rustling sound as the boxes of pastries were shoved aside and then Hange shuffled closer. “What’s wrong? Did something happen at the bakery? I’ve never had a problem there, and I can’t imagine you let some kid give you any shit.”
Despite himself, a weak laugh slipped free as Levi shook his head. “You’d be surprised.” At his friend’s confused look, Levi shook his head. “I… found my….” He rubbed at the name hidden beneath his chest, his throat gone tight all of a sudden.
Still, Hange was more than bright enough to figure out what he meant. “You found your – wait, Eren, right?” She’d seen him without a shirt often enough to make out the name. “Oh Levi, that’s… uhm, not good?” About to give him a hug, she paused with her arms still outstretched. “Wait, why are you here? What’s the deal with the ‘fuck you’ and everything? You’ve been looking for him, right? It’s… it’s all good?”
“No, it’s not ‘all good’,” he snapped as he rubbed the fingers of his left hand together, the sugar glaze on the donut gritty beneath the tips. “He hates me, he fucking *hates* me.” All of the pain, anger and confusion that had been building inside of Levi for the past half an hour surged forth as he slashed his hand through the air. “I finally find him and he… he looked at me as if I was some sort of monster and told me to get the fuck out of his life. Literally.” He snatched up the damn donut and threw it at the closed door of his office, where it splattered bits of pastry and cream across the smooth wooden surface and surrounding pale grey walls. “He hated me,” he repeated as he dug his fingers around the hidden name with enough force for them to bite into his flesh despite the thin sweater and shirt.
Hange stared at the mess across the room for a couple of seconds before she gave him a wan smile. “Oh hon… it can’t be that.” She made as if to touch his arm before her fingers curled inward and she shook her head.
“Yeah? Well it certainly seems that way!” Realizing that he was shouting, Levi let out a slow breath and then clicked his tongue as he fetched the bottle of cleaning wipes stashed in his desk. “He told me something about ‘not this life’ and ran off, and his coworkers made it clear that he didn’t want to see me.” He slammed the drawer shut once he had several wipes in hand. “And you saw the lovely message he left me.”
Hange nodded as she opened up the box again and picked up the ‘you’ part of Eren’s little note. “It’s creative, I’ll give you that.” She held it up for a moment and then took a bite of the éclair, the insensitive creep that she was, and then moaned in delight. “Oooh an’ so tas’ee.” Of course she chewed with her mouth open.
“I hope he poisoned it,” Levi spat as he picked up the remains of the other éclair.
Hange smacked her lips before she swallowed. “Nahp… nope.” She smiled, her mouth smeared with chocolate and cream. “I did a study once, well, I did a study. Funny what you’ll do when you’re a thousand bucks short of the cash you need for those last few credits, but anyway, nothing too obvious in here and I doubt your snookums has access to anything fancy enough to be that subtle.”
Levi paused in cleaning up the mess to rub at his forehead. “Why do I know you?”
“Because I’m one of the few people who put up with you,” Hange answered without any hesitation, then took another bite of her snack. “Hmmm, yeah, soo guud.” There was more obscene smacking before she continued. “Your dreams – anything in them that would make Eren react like he did this morning?”
Done cleaning up the large bits, Levi frowned as he carried the filthy wipes over to his trash can. “It’s… it’s not perfect, what I can make out of… well, wherever we were. That life, you know.” He grimaced at the mess in his hands as he recalled the bits of the dreams that carried through to ‘reality’; all he could clearly remember was Eren, was his emotions for the young man, his appearance, his voice and a few conversations. The dreams showed you enough to know about the person whose name you bore and *why*, it didn’t give you a fucking dissertation of your past life. “I just know that things were hard, wherever we were, but it was better because we were… dammit, he shouldn’t hate me, all right?” He threw the trash into the can and glared at Hange, upset at talking about this shit, upset at the whole damn mess.
Done with the éclair, Hange rummaged through the box for another treat, her face a mess and expression thoughtful. “Maybe he got some memories of before you two were together or when you had a fight. You know sometimes a person’s perspective can influence things.”
Busy scrubbing clean the door, Levi paused to throw the dirty wipe at the idiot. “Enough to make him hate me? That’s a bit of a fucking difference there, don’t you think?”
Hange let out a displeased squawk and nearly dropped her half-eaten pastry as she batted aside the wipe. “Hey, I’m trying here, okay?” She glared as she took a large bite of the donut and chewed for several seconds; at least this time she swallowed before she resumed talking. “Look, go back to the bakery tomorrow, all right?”
“So you can get more éclairs? You trying to get fat or what while I suffer?”
It wasn’t often that Hange appeared furious, but when she did, it wasn’t pretty; Levi narrowed his eyes at the impressive scowl directed his way and gave the door a half-hearted swipe instead of bitching again. “You’re going to go back there to see what Eren does, all right?” Hange gritted out as she waved about the remains of her snack. “If he doesn’t slap you with a restraining order, then you know he can’t really hate you or be terrified.”
“That’s… huh, that’s not bad.” If Eren had displayed any suitable ‘emotional distress’ since Levi’s name had been revealed, then he could file a restraining order to keep Levi from harassing him; most did when confronted with the ‘names’ that had brought them pain or suffering… unless they had decided that this was the life where they turned the tables.
“Right!” Hange popped the last bit of the éclair into her mouth then grinned before she chewed. “’M brilliant.”
“You’re gross, but that’s beside the point.” Done cleaning up the mess, Levi went back to the desk and used another wipe on his hands; once that was done, he sat down in his comfortable leather chair. It was right around then that there was a beeping sound from the phone tucked into his satchel and one of the pockets of Hange’s coat.
Unconcerned about the fact that her hands were filthy, she reached for hers and frowned. “Damn, the meeting’s going to start soon.” She looked over at him with a hopeful expression while he pulled up his calendar with the intent to block off the rest of the day. “You gonna come or what?”
“No.” He shook his head and motioned at the boxes. “I’m serious, I’m not leaving here until it’s time to go home.” Talking to Hange had helped, but he wasn’t in the mood to put up with a lot of people, to see Hange and Moblit together or hear Mike mention Nanaba. All he wanted was privacy, some time to gather his thoughts… and see what he could dig up on anyone with the unusual name of ‘Eren’ now that he knew *his* Eren was here in town. It wasn’t the same as the happy reunion he’d imagined all these years, but if he could find out something, *anything*, maybe it would help him figure out what had gone wrong.
Hange hesitated for a few seconds before she nodded and reached for the pastry boxes. “Okay, I’ll tell Erwin something personal came up and unless he wants the internet to crash, to leave you alone.” She smiled at the quiet huff he gave in way of thanks. “I’ll send you a message when we order out for lunch to see if you’re hungry by then.”
“It better not be that horrible grease-pit again,” he warned as she headed for the door.
“Yeah, yeah, a little lard won’t kill you.” She laughed when Levi took to gagging and even closed the door behind her for once.
Left alone in his office, Levi found his left hand pressed against his chest and forced it back down to the keyboard. Eren had appeared to be in his late teens, early twenties at the most, so maybe he was here to study at the university. That would be a good place to start looking….
*******