Chapter Text
The detective leaned back against his chair, looking up at the ceiling fan, the only thing that produced a sound in that particularly quiet night.
The street was usually bustling with life, honking cars and drunk passerbies would usually annoy the city to no end, goofing off and laughing at its face, never getting bored. Part of the reason why it was such an avoided place. For Noise though, it was perfect. Never a still day, never a quiet one. But it had to have its boring moments, didn't it?
Like right now. Not a single case had came in basically all week. Not even a door to door salesman or a complaint from the other residents of the building about the roaches everybody pins on him and the poor cleanliness of his office. No one had come at his doorstep.
He reached over to the cabinet at his side to pick up a cigarette box, the only thing that could calm down his nerves while he waited for sweet chaos. He opened it hastefully, but it wasn't there, in its usual spot. He groaned and rummaged the cabinet for it, but it was completely missing.
..!!
He perked up. Noisette had come in, maybe to check in on him again. Other than the cigarettes, she was the only thing keeping him from going insane when things were too quiet. Never a dull day with her, the sweetheart.
"Honey, have you seen a cigarette box lying around?"
"The one I just tossed out? No, I haven't." She replied, cheerfully skipping through the office. "But good thing they're gone! Otherwise there'd be more smoke in your lungs than in a forest fire."
He simply hummed in acknowledgement. He couldn't be mad at Noisette, but he completely expected it, she was always worried sick about his well being, both in and out of work. It's a wonder she hasn't tossed him out for a guy who isn't basically throwing himself off of cliffs each time he leaves the house for a living. Well, not really, now that he thinks about it. She loves it.
"Aww, Noise, don't look so gloomy! I have JUST the thing to cheer you up!" She grinned from ear to ear, leaning towards Noise, who was looking up at her, not quite in the mood for another of those strange meals she cooked.
"There's a guy outside asking for you." She revealed.
He didn't look quite amused for a second, "Ugh, tell him to tell Rodriguez I'm not paying him nothing."
"No, not that kind of guy! A citizen- a client!!" She said a little louder, bouncing up and down waiting for Noise's reaction, which seemed to be lighting up as realization hit him.
"Wait- really?? A client???? FINALLY! It's been ages! I almost thought people just- stopped killing people after a while, what a nightmre!!" He rambled off, standing up from his seat. "Tell him to come in already!!"
"Will do!!" Both gremlins scrambled their own way, Noisette running off to the reception, trying not to slip with the carpet, and Noise sitting back down, fixing his fedora and trying on different positions to find which would make him look the most serious and intimidating. Damn, a cigarette would really sell the look right now.
His straight posture trembles the more seconds pass, but he knew it was going to be so worth it once he hears the steps coming in closer and closer to the door. He braces himself at the rattle of the doorknob, to finally see...
..see, uh..
He SEES his head, but he has to stand a bit taller to see him completely.
It was a short man, hell maybe even a gnome, if the pointy ears were anything to go by.
As he walked in, he looked around the office seemingly impressed with the decor. Maybe it was his first time in a place like this, he didn't look like a guy who got in trouble, and with a face like his, he wondered who would mess with him.
"Ahem."
His head snapped right to the detective, like he just found out he was sitting there.
"Oh, I'm sorry! Thank you for having me tonight, Detective Theodore." He said as he made his way to the chair in front of his desk.
"You're good, mister. First things first, of whom do I have the pleasure?"
"I'm Gustavo," he extended his hand for a shake, "and I was hoping you could help me out with an issue." He grips his knees with his free hand and darts his eyes away as he explains, his happiness seemingly going away.
"Straight to the point, aren't we?" He laughed before pulling his hand away. "But yeah, maybe I CAN help you out. I'm listening."
He took his time to begin, maybe thinking about where to start. This better be good.
"So I work with my friend, Peppino in the pizzeria he owns. I've been doing it for a long time."
"Well, if you need to figure out where he's from, you don't have to be a detective for that." Noise mocked in a lighthearted way, which got a smirk out of his client, but not for long.
"Peppino recently went to a trip to his hometown to visit his family, and left me in charge of the place.
Things were going well, until I opened up the place yesterday morning.
Everything looked normal in the dining room, which is why I almost had a heart attack when I went to the kitchen...
..and it was gone." He finished, grimacing at the last sentence.
"...the kitchen was gone?"
His client stopped, a little desperate. "Almost! Almost every single kitchen utensil was gone! Cutters, trays, rollers, pans, paddles- they're all gone!" He wailed. It felt a little weird, seeing a jolly-looking little man so desperate. At least now he knows this is business.
"Okay, okay, calm down, ye'll get tears all over my desk." He said, pulling out a notebook. "So, stolen kitchen utensils. How many?"
"I told you, almost all of them... If there were any left, they were scattered among the kitchen floor."
"Maybe they were too much for the guy to carry. Criminals get frailier and weaker every day, huh. Did he take any money or anything else?"
"Strangely enough... no. I checked everywhere and counted everything- it was my first priority after I saw what happened, but... all the money was intact. A-and our ingredients too! And basically everything else."
Noise tutted, "oddly specific.. but hey, makes things easier. 'S just a good old treasure hunt. If anything, finding out WHO stole them is the real issue."
"Oh, but, I already know who did it." The client lifted his head.
"..huh?"
He chuckled, "I-I mean, it can be ANYBODY, I don't like to name names but... it's a little obvious. You should at least have him as a suspect."
"Oh! Why didn't you start with that! Who is it? Why's it so obvious??"
The client tilted his head, "you don't know? It was a pretty big deal when it began happening."
"Yeah? Well, sorry I don't keep up with the greasy restaurant market gossip. You'll have to put me up to speed."
"No problem. It had been going on for a few years, actually.
That one family restaurant, Pizzaboy's, the name's like a tongue twister.. all happiness and smiles in that place, but it wasn't a secret to anyone what happened behind the scenes each time a new place opened.
Do you know how many pizza places there are in this city, detective?"
"I dunno, a fuckin' ton. They're a plague." He stuck his tongue out at the last words.
"Well, there's fewer and fewer by the day. And each time one closed down, there was always a Pizzaboy restaurant near it. Before or after its close, a few blocks away or right in the same spot. It's always there." He could spot a hint of rage under the anxiety in his voice, that felt a little scary. They say to don't judge by looks.
"So I assume they came after your place? With so many employees, how can you tell WHICH one has beef with your place?"
"There's one of them that's been trying to drag us, or rather Peppino down, for months. There's been threats, offers, even fights between them, but he never faltered. He kept the place open one way or another. Which ENRAGED him. And it became more than business, it became more than the place."
"So?? Which one is it?? Stop keeping on edge already!"
"The head of the company"
"...the PIZZAhead." Eugh. That sounded a little cheesy (damn!) but it was the only way he could put it.
"Uh, yeah. Pizzahead."
"Yeah, that's what I said. Anyway, if ya know who it is, then why don'tcha go after him yourself?"
"I don't know where he is! I know he didn't spend much time outside, but even his employees tell me he's not in his office, or in his house- he barely goes there, apparently- they haven't seen him in a restaurant in a good while... he's completely gone with my kitchenware!"
Now, that got his attention. "So I still gotta find this guy and your stuff... it's not gonna be easy.. how much time do I got?"
"Well... I'd rather Peppino didn't know about this. I wouldn't want him to get back to half of his capital completely missing. Not only it would get him stressed out as soon as he got back home, he'd have both my and Pizzahead's heads on stakes, if he could even find him.
He's coming back in a few days. I'd say less than a week."
"Sheesh. That's gonna be tough. You better have a good payment."
"..."
The client slowly shrank into his shoulders. Despite seeming chatty and cooperative from the beginning, he shut his mouth at that.
"...you're not expecting me to do this for free, are you?"
"N-not for FREE... we could... give you a free pizza or-"
"I fucking hate pizza. And I got a lovely wife who cooks very well for me, thank you very much." If she's not trying to experiment, that is.
"Look, we've been doing bad financially for a while. Keeping the place afloat isn't cheap!" He leaned forward, looking up at the detective with big, pleading eyes.
"But this is REALLY important, detective! That place is EVERYTHING for me and Peppino, but especially for him! It's his life's work, he's put blood, sweat and tears into it, and he doesn't need more antics like this!
Please, i-if you give me a few months, I could-"
"Come back with an actual payment? Hey, my door's open for ya, little man." He turned his chair around, his back now facing his client.
"..."
He went eerily quiet for a second time, until he heard a low disappointed voice.
"I see... I mean, you've got your own bills to pay, isn't that right?"
You got it.
"And you can't be wasting your time like this, just like the real police who wouldn't help me. It IS a pretty bad place.."
You're right.
"I just thought, it's such a hard situation, I-I don't know how to track down that guy, and I don't know what he'd do to me if he saw me!"
Don't care.
"I can't do this on my own, I'm no action guy. And you're exactly that! A-and famously intelligent and all! You looked like the guy for the job!
Door's OPEN, litte man...!
"...but maybe you just can't do it. I won't keep you any longer, detective." He could hear the little footsteps finding their way out.
...fuuuccckkk, he really needs to get a hobby.
He turned the chair around before he left the office, "FINEEE, I'll take care of your toy kitchen set, it's way more interesting than whatever I got going on right now." He grumbled.
The client lighted up inmediately -he thinks he's seeing sparkles on him- and ran right back to his desk.
"Oh, thank you, thank you detective! I'll pay you whenever I have the chance, I promise!"
"Yeah yeah, whatever, but as soon as I get something that pays, I'm ditching!"
After a few more thanks and questions, the client FINALLY wished him a good night and left. He thought he was gonna have to deal with him all night.
Well, he complained about being bored. Now he's got a case in his hands, it may get him up and running before a next real case arrives at his office. He took his things and turned off the lamp, ready to leave.
"Honey, are we leaving??" Noisette called from the other room, turning off the lights on it.
"Yeah, let's go." Noise replied, making his way to her so they could leave together. He walked up to the elevator, leaving Noisette to lock up the door.
Well, tomorrow he's got to go to at least two different pizza places. He should be fine as long as he doesn't touch anything.
He keeps thinking about the whole story the gnome gave him, Pizzahead intrigued him the most. Why does he even WANT to destroy that place? It's about to crumble on itself, as is. Must be a hell of a personal beef. But it's not his job to find that out.
The elevator rang a bell sound as its doors opened and Noisette came back running, and both of them hopped on together.