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All things considered, Satoru shouldn't be awake. He's had a long day. The mission was exhausting and improperly graded and Suguru wasn't even with him because he was busy (!) with something else, apparently. His eyes hurt. His body hurt. His head was pounding, like somebody was taking a hammer to his skull repeatedly while stepping on his forehead, the pressure increasing with every second he spent aware of it. He was tired.
Still, he was awake. He couldn't stop rolling around in his bed, tangling his sheets in his legs and getting huffy and irritated when it kept him from moving again. His bed was too barren for his tastes in the moment, the single pillow and blanket not enough to satisfy his need for comfort. He wished he was in Suguru's bed right now.
In Suguru's bed, there were 4 big pillows, enough for him to sink into and hold and roll around in, and he had that stupid weighted blanket that definitely did not make Satoru feel safe or anything when he was underneath it, and most importantly, it always smelled like Suguru. Sometimes, because the other boy was laying down beside him, other times, just because his scent clung to everything in his room. It was soft incense, woody but not so much it irritated Satoru's delicate nose, and if you had the privilege of getting close enough to smell it, there was the scent of Suguru's shampoo, some disgustingly floral and fruity concoction that made Satoru a little hungry, as much as he teased the other over it.
Ahh. He really missed Suguru right now. The boy wasn't in his dorm when Satoru stopped by after getting back and showering (which had brutally crushed his hopes of getting cuddled better by his best friend, by the way) and Satoru didn't really have a clue where else he might've been. There weren't any missions as far as he was aware, so he could at least rest easy knowing Suguru wasn't out there risking his life alone. If he could rest at all, that is.
Life was so unfair. If he had those pillows and that blanket and Suguru’s wonderful smell surrounding him he may have been able to feel at ease, but as it was he just kept rolling around while contemplating whether sending a stab of Red straight through his skull was going to cure him of his headache.
Wait.
If he had those things. Those things that were very conveniently next door right now.
Well, don't mind if I do.
He walked into Suguru's room with all the confidence of a man assured that his bad habits were kept tightly under wraps, strutting right in with his only worthy earthly possession tucked under his arm - a cat plush. Suguru gave it to him, maybe to spite him, because Satoru was really more of a dog person, but whatever. It usually sat on his desk so he could stare at it whenever homework got too boring, but when he was leaving the room it seemed to be begging not to be abandoned left behind, so Satoru picked it up with a click of his tongue and set off.
As soon as he drew the (generously blackout) curtains shut, he flopped onto the bed with all the grace of a fish, groaning into the sheets. It was deeply unbecoming, but Satoru didn't give a fuck, so he shuffled around until he was tucked under the heavenly blanket - that felt like Suguru's weight when he laid on him sometimes - and snuggled into the pillows contently, inhaling the strange mixed scent of sandalwood and peonies like a drug.
He sighed. This is what life is all about.
The peace lasted for a while, although he wasn't too aware of time passing. Unfortunately, he couldn't fall asleep after all, but it did feel closer to rest than anything he was doing in his room, so he'd take a win where he could. The plushie was surprisingly nice to snuggle up to, even though it obviously didn't compare to Suguru in any way shape or form. He laid there for hours or minutes, mindlessly drawing shapes on the stuffed cat's fur while his brain, with nothing else to do, ran loops of the last 3 songs he'd listened to. It was almost relaxing enough to fall asleep.
Then the door opened.
Satoru wouldn't be ashamed to admit that he shot up like a spooked animal. He wasn't technically supposed to be there, and Suguru wasn't either, so one can’t exactly blame him for being surprised. The cat tumbled to the floor, and maybe Satoru had been growing more attached to it then he thought, because he mindlessly let out a small, sad sound as if the thing was capable of feeling pain at all.
His eyes met Suguru's from where he stood in the doorway, looking a bit surprised but mostly relieved, and then the other started speaking.
“You're here. Why aren't you in your room?”
Satoru rubbed his feet together where they sat under him, wondering what the appropriate answer to that would be.
“It's comfier in your bed.”
Suguru sighed, but it seemed fonder than anything else, and then he stepped close enough to push Satoru's bangs away from his forehead.
“Are you okay, Satoru?” His name sounded so pretty when it was in Suguru's mouth. He felt warm. Or maybe that was the proximity, or the fever that Suguru seemed to believe he had from the way his hand was planted on his forehead.
“‘M fine. Just tired.” Satoru let Suguru look him over for a little while more before he spoke up again, cutting the impromptu medical exam short.
“Where were you? I wanted you.”
“Wha– Jeez, Satoru, watch your words, please,” Suguru hissed, his face taking on a pretty shade of pink that made Satoru swear valiantly in his heart to never watch his words ever again, “Before we talk about that, how bad does your head hurt right now?”
“Bad. Real bad.” Satoru was so glad for a chance to whine to Suguru he didn't even care for the open deflection. He could be curious when he felt a little less like shit.
“Hm, I see,” Suguru's hands absentmindedly started to run through his hair - or perhaps it was done purposefully to comfort him. Not that Satoru cared. He would lean into his touch regardless. Anything Suguru gave him was good.
“Can you stay here just for a little bit? I wanna grab a wet rag to put over your eyes. Painkillers?” Suguru offered, fully aware of the answer that would follow.
“Won't work unless you got a bull's dosage.. the rag would be nice, thank you.”
“Okay, I'll be right back.” Suguru assured him, and Satoru was suddenly reminded of the cat, laying abandoned on the floor. He picked it up as soon as Suguru had stepped away from the bed, leaving him with a gentle kiss on the forehead.
He tumbled right back into bed, rubbing his face over Suguru's pillows much like an affectionate cat, and if his head wasn't throbbing so badly he would probably be amused by the thought. Suguru loved to compare him to animals.
When Suguru returned, it didn't take six eyes to know that the thing in his hand was definitely not a wet cloth, so Satoru tilted his head to get a better look and question him when the object was thrust right into his face.
It was.. a cupcake. With a candle on top. Huh?
“What?” Satoru asked, not capable of coming up with more words in his current state.
“Happy birthday, Satoru.”
Huh? What. Was it his birthday? Since when? If he had known this earlier, he would've been a lot more miserable the whole day, so maybe it was for the best that he forgot. Even now he felt like whining about how unfair it was for him to feel this way on his own birthday.
“Did you forget? You're so air headed sometimes.”
“Am not. Shuddup.” Satoru reached for the cupcake so he could at least be miserable and full of sugar, but Suguru pulled it back and reached into his pocket. Out came the lighter he used to smoke the cigarettes that Satoru constantly complained about, and he lit the candle with the practiced ease of a chain-smoker. Satoru had to make him quit that.
“Here, you can blow it out and make a wish.”
A wish. Satoru didn't know what he could possibly want.
I wish things would stay just like this.
There. The flame died out under his breath, and Suguru smiled softly as he watched. His wish was definitely correct.
Ah, wait. Not just like this. He could really do without the headache. Can he make adjustments in post?
Suguru pulled the candle out of the sweet confection and passed it to Satoru with that same gentle smile, licking the frosting that stuck to the wax while Satoru peeled away the paper around the cake.
The first bite was so good he almost moaned. Sweets really were the best. He'd say the best thing in the world if Suguru didn't exist.
Suguru laughed softly, probably finding his expression funny, and Satoru hummed around a mouth full of sugary white frosting and vanilla cake as if to challenge him to say something.
Suguru tossed the candle and returned to the bed, sitting next to Satoru - who was almost finished demolishing the cupcake at that point - and started speaking again.
“We actually planned you a whole party, but I didn't want to overwhelm you when you're not feeling good. Everybody helped put it together though. Nanami was so angry that I made him blow up the balloons, but I know he wouldn't have done as good a job at making banners as Shoko did. Haibara actually helped with the baking, you know he's the only halfway decent cook here.” There was a pause, as if Suguru was ruminating over his words. Satoru stared in silent awe, frosting smeared over his chin and probably looking like an absolute idiot.
“Honestly, I don't know whether I should be telling you this or keeping it a secret until we get to try again but I just wanted you to know. We all really love you, Satoru.”
“Buh.” Satoru replied, intelligently.
Suguru laughed. It was a warm, melodic thing, and Satoru didn't even know what to blame the redness of his cheeks on anymore. Suguru laughed until his own face was pink, and then he leaned closer as he caught his breath, raising a hand to swipe buttercream off of Satoru's cheeks.
“You're such a messy eater. How do you manage?”
No, wait a second.
Suguru blinked at him. Ah. He must've spoken out loud.
“What do you mean a party? Yu made the cake? Shoko decorated? Nanamin… Nanamin blew up balloons for me?” Yes, because that was the surprising aspect. For him. Satoru knew his friends liked him, obviously (despite how hard Nanami tried to make it seem otherwise) but he also knew he could be an exceptional pain in the ass and that basically everything he had in terms of affection and care from others shouldn't be taken for granted. The thought that others would go this far out of their way for him was kind of baffling.
“Yeah, silly. It was my idea. Remember how you complained that you never had a proper birthday party, without all that clan nonsense?”
No, Satoru didn't remember. The fact Suguru kept that information in his brain was honestly fascinating.
“I just wanted you to enjoy yourself for a bit. Don't worry, everything is still there. Well, the cake is in the fridge and everyone is in bed, but it'll be there tomorrow. We can do a late party.”
At that moment, Satoru chose to pull the blanket over his head and stuff his face into the cat plush, half because he didn't know how to possibly express any of what he was feeling and half because he didn't know if he wanted Suguru to see him cry right now.
“Satoru?” Suguru asked softly, sounding mildly worried, but he didn't try to peel back the blanket or anything, respecting the boundary Satoru had put between them for the moment. He was so grateful.
“T– Thanks.” Satoru stuttered, mostly because of the knot inside his throat, and he almost jumped when he felt a big, warm hand start to rub his back.
“It's fine, Satoru. We just did it because we wanted to. Are you alright?”
Satoru sniffled as quietly as he could. He was technically fine.
“Yeah. If you ignore my head.”
“Okay. That's good enough for now. Can I..” Suguru's hand paused for a moment, and Satoru sighed softly in disappointment.
“Can I hold you, Satoru?”
Satoru perked up.
“Yes.”
He didn't elaborate further, but Suguru crawled beneath the sheets behind him and didn't even try to peek at his hidden face, ever the gentleman. He cuddled right up to Satoru, spooning him with his whole body, their legs intertwined and an arm wrapped around his waist.
Satoru swallowed, shuffling a bit backwards so he could press even closer.
“I love you, Satoru,” Suguru whispered earnestly, and pressed a kiss into the back of his neck, and Satoru resisted the urge to shiver and squirm.
“I love you too, Suguru. Thank you for..” he trailed off. There were so many things to thank Suguru for. There was so much he wanted to say, but he didn't really have the words then. Suguru didn't seem to mind, choosing to pet his tummy with his warm hand while humming softly in understanding.
Ahh. Now Satoru was sure he could fall asleep. Even the rag they'd both completely forgotten about had absolutely nothing on the effect of just basking in Suguru's presence and affection.
Still, he just needed to find his words. When they came to him, he'd tell Suguru so he could finally crash, and then..
Then…
Regardless of whatever Satoru did or didn't say that night, the next day they woke up together and headed outside to celebrate and have cake. Shoko made them all sing karaoke (Nanami's performance was so lackluster it had everyone laughing themselves to tears, with the exception of Haibara, who switched between laughing and cheering wholeheartedly) and Satoru ate almost all of the cake on his own, and for once nobody complained - except for Suguru, who wiped his face afterwards and told him he'd surely give himself a stomach ache like this.
When the party ended, Satoru and Suguru walked back together to the latter's dorm room, and Satoru snuggled close to the other while Suguru kissed him gently. It didn't really matter if the words came easily or not, because Satoru was sure Suguru could feel them in the way their lips met regardless.