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He stumbled out of the club at 6:00 AM. It was a gay club called Zazzle, and the owner Jackie had kicked him out after he fell asleep the night before after his performance. Fortunately, he fell asleep on one of the plush sofas instead of under a table like he’d done a few times in the past. The night had been okay, and the groom to be had asked him to stay for drinks after his performance. He only vaguely regretted it now that the hangover had kicked in. The groom to be had been a sweet guy called Oluwande. He was shy and a bit embarrassed at having a stripper arrive at what he thought would be fairly tame stag do. Like those existed. Ed had done his usual performance, stripping seductively and then wearing very little as he sat on the man's knee and kissed his cheek, and he could have sworn that the guy blushed. But then he couldn't have been more than 30 and Ed felt a bit like a dirty old man, he wasn't old enough to be the guy's dad and he was still as hot as fuck. But he needed to give up the stripping game soon. His clients in all their forms men, women, and all kinds of events were just getting younger and younger. He probably had a few years left though. Ed shivered in the coat he was wearing; it was thick, and fur lined but it was December in London and he wasn't wearing much underneath it after all! It didn't make him feel like a Jolly Santa, that's for sure and then a shout cut through the early morning quiet like a spike to his poor head. He wasn't in the mood for whatever this was, a group of teenagers out for trouble, or to take the piss, a homophobe giving him grief for exiting a gay club, dressed like a Santa stripper gram, or even some still drunk person who wanted to flirt with him. He didn't want to fight and wasn’t into taking anyone home, he just wanted to get home and crawl into bed. But when he turned to face the guy - it was clear he wasn't a threat and if he was interested, Ed couldn't tell, but then it wasn't really appropriate considering he wasn't alone.
******
Stede had a morning of it, the day started at 5am, when Louis ran into his room jumped on the bed and demanded he get up. Then Alma was there too backing up Louis’ demands to visit a grotto. Since when did kids not lie in when they were on holidays? He did whenever he got the chance. Which admittedly wasn't often with his father on his case. And how did Louis still believe in Santa Claus? He was 7 and Alma was almost 10. She hadn't believed in him for years. Stede himself hadn't believed for long but that was because his father had taken great glee in informing him when he had just turned 5 that he couldn't go on believing in silly made-up things, he needed to get his head out of the clouds and in the real grown-up world. It was harsh and so Stede would indulge Louis for as long as his belief lasted, he would not be like his father. So, they are fed and dressed and on the street by just after 6am leaving Stede with the problem of where to find Santa and his grotto in his not exactly child friendly area of London. There were bars and restaurants, if you didn't mind a long -ish walk to get to them. It wasn't the best place for a dad to live but when he gave up his father's money to be rid of the man he didn't have as many choices. He was frazzled and the kids were acting up but then the solution to his problems just appeared in front of him like a dream. ‘Excuse me.’ He shouted maybe a little too loudly, but he was getting desperate.
Mary had left the kids with him for the first time in the three years since the divorce. And the only reason, he thought a little bitterly, was because she was off on honeymoon with Doug. Things have been strained and resentful between them at first because Stede was angry about the affair. Because he loved Mary. Perhaps they were better as friends and didn't marry for the best reasons, but she was the one to break their vows. And then try to blame him, they had both got themselves into this maybe he wasn't the best husband but then she was hardly the best wife in the world either. He said as much, and she stormed off, only to seek him out at the hotel he’d been staying at since he left their house to sort of apologise. She said they were both to blame, and she should have been honest about Doug and not cheated/ gone behind his back. He discovered latter that Doug had been the one to say that Mary shouldn’t put all the blame on Stede and he grudgingly admitted Doug might be good for her. He could never get Mary to admit she might be wrong about anything. Things had been better between them since then, but it hadn't stopped her going for full custody and he didn't get as much time with the kids as he’d like. He could admit that might be his own fault for not spending as much time as he could with them before the divorce. He wasn’t a natural father, but he would put in however much effort it took to make it up to them and do better. Now he had them for two whole weeks he wasn't sure how to keep them entertained. He called out again to the man in the Santa suit who he hoped would be his saviour, his gallant knight in well – a Santa suit!
*****
‘Oh, Hello Santa,’ the strange man said as he approached. And Ed never had that reaction before, the man seems relieved, confirmed by his next words, ‘Am I glad I bumped into you. We've been searching for a grotto, haven't we kids? And if there's any man who could point us to one it has to be you!’ The man was clearly desperate, his face was open and hopeful though, and despite the strangeness of his faith in Ed, he found himself flattered. Plus, the man was in a word - lovely. Beautiful, warm eyes you could sink into like a warm bath, bubbles and everything. And Ed always loved a bath. And his hair, well Ed could write several volumes about it. He already wanted to run his fingers through it. Ed just hoped he wasn't blushing.
‘Do my best mate.’ Ed found himself saying, even though he just wanted to go home and crawl into bed.
‘Thank you, um… Santa!’
Ed huffed a laugh, the bloke was unreal.
‘You're welcome…’ Ed was tempted to say daddy, but just about resisted.
‘Stede.’ The man provided his name.
And Ed stifled another laugh because… really? But resisted somehow.
‘We, um, couldn't find a grotto around here,’ the man, Stede elaborated, ‘there's one up town of course but it’s, um… a bit far.’
Yeah, that could be the reason, and the bloke did look tired alright. Hardly surprising when the kids must have had him up before the sun to be out at that time on the street. But on closer inspection Ed noticed that while the man's clothes were pretty fancy, they were also not new. And the shoes were a giveaway because Stede didn't strike him as the type of man who wouldn't replace them before they got scuffed up like they were because they’d definitely seen better days. So, it was more likely he couldn’t afford central London prices, would explain him living round there too. So, for reasons he couldn't explain later Ed found himself saying, ‘Sure, I can hook you up with a grotto, basically my pad, right?’ Stede snorted at the lame joke. And then Ed took out his phone and made a few calls.
*****
Ed ended up taking Stede and his kids to his mother’s house because even magician that he was at event planning, he couldn’t scrounge up a grotto just like that.
‘Is he your young man, then?’ His mother asked when they were in the kitchen alone getting juice and biscuits for the kids and tea and coffee for the grown-ups.
‘No Mum, and I'm not sure anyone our age could exactly be considered ‘a young man’.’
‘You're young enough Eddie, if you weren't that would make me old and one thing, I'm not is old, okay?’
‘Yes Mum.’
‘So, if he's not your young man why'd you bring him round here with his kids.’
‘I couldn't really say no… he seemed desperate and maybe out of his depth a bit.’
‘Oh, no not another one of your strays, tell me this isn't another Izzy, or God forbid, Jack.’
‘Definitely not a Jack, I might not know him well, but I'd say he's the exact opposite of Jack.’
‘Good. So, tell me the whole story then.’
Ed did and then they rejoined Stede and the kids.
‘Thank you so much for your hospitality, Mrs teach.’ Stede said with a shy smile.
Ed winced internally, his mother didn't like to be called Mrs, she went by Miss or Ms not liking to be reminded of being married to his father. She had only kept the name because she shared it with Ed. He had considered changing it himself but, in the end, decided it was his name too and he shouldn't have to.
‘None of that dear, any friend of Edward’s is a friend of mine. And please call me Caroline.’
‘Well, thank you again Caroline. And, yes of course, Santa…um, I mean Edward has been very kind.’
They’d explained to the kids that Ed was one of Santa's helpers not the man himself. But he had Santa’s permission to dress up like him so that they could get presents to all the children in England. The man himself wouldn't show until Christmas eve.
Louis had responded by saying that, ‘Of course he didn't think Ed was actually Santa. He was seven not five.’
Alma said something a bit cruel under a breath like ‘And yet you still believe in Santa.’ And Stede had shushed her.
Ed had excused himself the second they arrived at his mother's house so he could change into some more appropriate clothing, or maybe just some clothing as the top half of him was naked underneath the big coat and while his knee high boots covered most of his legs he was only wearing suspenders on the top half of his legs and he'd never been so glad the coat was very long. When he had arrived his mother’s place, because she's an absolute menace, she had offered to take his coat for him. He glared and blushed at precisely the same time, and she just laughed at him. He quickly excused himself and made sure to put on a black T-shirt and black trousers and then he came out with the coat undone and offered it to his mother like a prize. She laughed even heartier at that. But took it from him with good grace and hung it up for him.
They all got chatting and Stede revealed that he was having the kids for the first time at Christmas and suddenly it all made sense to the Teachs’. And they took pity on him. Caroline refilled their drinks and entertained the Bonnet’s with embarrassing tales about Ed, much to his chagrin.
At one point Louis decreed that Ed was ‘The coolest Santa he ever met’ to which Alma couldn't help but say, ‘No one says cool anymore what are you some sort of old man, Louis?’
To which Louis responded, ‘But of course he's cool, he's from the North Pole.’
Ed and Stede laughed at the terrible joke but then Ed asked, ‘Did he just tell a dad joke?’
Alma helpfully supplied, ‘He gets that from, well… Dad.’
‘Like a dad joke do you Stede? I bet you collect them you seem like the type.’
‘I do not,’ Stede protested.
‘No,’ Louis piped up seriously, defending his dad, which Ed thought was rather sweet, ‘he collects clothes and books and toy ships.’
‘Yeah?’ Ed asked teasingly.
‘Model ships, they're not toys,’ Stede protested clearly embarrassed.
‘If you say so mate.,’ Ed continued to tease.
Then of course his mother took it upon herself to butt in.
‘You’re one to talk Eddie, I seem to remember somebody collecting a lot of fish ornaments.’
‘Fish?’ Stede asked incredulously, which was a bit rich Ed thought.
‘That was when I was a kid,’ Ed dismissed.
‘Really?’ His mother said sweetly and far too innocently to be believed, ‘Is that why you have them all displayed still on top of the cabinet in your bedroom?’
‘Mum,’ Ed whined like the little boy his mother sometimes made him feel like.
‘Go on tell him about your collection dear and then maybe Stede will tell you about his.’ She said with a wink.
But she was the one telling the story in the end, all about how his favourite was one of a fish rowing a boat. But that he had another one that was two sardines in a tin, like they were tucked up in bed. One was meant to be Mr fish, and he had a moustache and everything. And the other was meant to be Mrs fish and she had lipstick and a bow. And how Caroline had realised her son might be gay because when he was a teenager he altered Mrs fish so that she had a beard instead of lipstick. Which made Ed blush again, his mother truly was determined to embarrass him. But luckily Stede just laughed and not in a cruel way and patted him on the back and whispered to him, ‘At least you knew at that age you liked boys, it took me a while longer to figure that out.’ And okay that information might have been worth his mother embarrassing him.
It was not too long after that when Ed got the call that told him that the surprise for the Bonnet kids was ready, so they left his Mum’s house but not before Stede had profusely thanked her. It was like the man had never known kindness, which gave Ed a pang to consider how hard things must have been for him if that was the case.
*****
They arrived at Ed's friend’s house to the sound of a beautiful voice. Calypso was singing Santa Baby but had somehow managed to make the song kid friendly instead of sexy like she usually would.
‘Hurry down the chimney tonight…’ she sang as they entered the house.
‘Such a beautiful voice and lady,’ Stede commented when they were inside, seemingly too shy to say that to her face because all he did was clap a little and smile shyly at her.
‘Yep, that's Calypso.’ Ed said simply, because it was true. She had been dressed beautifully in a sparkling green dress, white feather boa, and tasteful makeup. She was stunning. But what was even more impressive was her beautiful heart in Ed's opinion. Because the house belonged to Wee John, sometimes known as Calypso. And he'd agreed so readily to have his home turned into a grotto for two kids he'd never even met. Lady or Gentleman his friend was a class act.
They carried on inside and Ed had to say he was impressed. They had outdone themselves, his group of pals. There were sparkling white streamers from the ceiling, fake diamonds on strings, fake felt type snow on the floor. A couple of reindeer positioned perfectly by a fireplace with stockings. There were even individual snowflakes decorating here and there. And a smile grew on Ed's face as Oluwande greeted them dressed as an elf. Ed had to admit he was giving the jolly fellow thing that was usually Santa’s domain a run for its money. He checked out the rest of the room wondering where Jim was, only to find them in the corner scowling. Clearly not prepared to dress up for anyone. There was also a red throne in the corner of the room, with a sack sat next to it. Perfect.
‘This is Oluwande who I’d say is our elf for the evening and in the corner over there is Jim, although today perhaps I should say Grinch Junior.’
Jim threw him daggers with their eyes and Ed new he'd be in heaps of trouble later; he should know better than to poke the beast. Then again where was the fun in playing it safe. He had always liked a bit of danger. Ed was perhaps extremely grateful though that Izzy wasn't in attendance not that he really expected him to be. He could out do Jim in the grumpy stakes and perhaps Scrooge too.
Louis let out a squeal of excitement and rushed over as soon as Ed or um, Santa took his seat on his thrown. Ed felt sure other fathers would admonish him for that but was pleased when Stede's only reaction was to smile at him indulgently.
*****
Stede was impressed with the grotto and wondered how Ed had pulled it all together. He had gone above and beyond what Stede could have reasonably expected. When Stede had asked about a grotto he hadn't expected anything like this, he thought that the nice-looking man would just point him in the general direction of a grotto, not go to the effort of creating one especially for Stede's kids. Ed clearly knew people who were in entertainment, Calypso was a professional for sure but still the way they pulled this all together was amazing. Ed had been so good with the kids too, of course he shouldn't be surprised given that Ed was a professional Santa. But as well as giving them their presents and asking what they wanted for Christmas, he had also told them stories of his adventures as Santa. He talked about getting into a fight with a stubborn reindeer and getting stuck halfway down a chimney. Alma had protested that he wasn't the real Santa, so how could that be true, but Ed hadn't even missed a beat when he replied, ‘He's a pal of mine, ain't he? Asks me to help out with deliveries sometimes too.’ Alma had raised a sceptical eyebrow, that he knew she’d got from his mother and Ed had just smiled, a proper shit-eating grin at her. And you had to call it a draw. No one had won that one. The presents had been perfect too. Louis had gotten a salty sea dog pirate teddy, that was a dog in a pirate outfit. His son's obsession with pirates, bandits and other lawbreakers should have worried Stede, but he'd remembered having quite a fixation on them himself back in the day. Alma had received a chess set based on Harry Potter and was delighted with it. Louis had started a sword fight with the dogs sown on sword and Oluwande had taken up a ruler in defence. Alma had gone over to Jim and grabbed their hand and dragged them over to a table to play chess, not at all intimidated by the scowling young person, but then that was Alma, never one to back down from a challenge, stubborn as they come, and in that she took after her mother. Yes, that steely determination was all Mary. He wished he'd been half as stubborn when it came to fighting for the things he wanted in the past, for what mattered most to him. It was a gift Mary had given him, the best he'd ever received, now that he could think clearly on it with hindsight, because she had set them both free to discover what they wanted most when they weren't suffocated by other people's expectations. It was something he was working on; he was after all a work in progress and maybe that was okay. This Christmas with the kids was turning out better than he thought it would and that was a start.
‘Thanks for this Ed,’ Stede said to the man just before he collected up the kids, who despite their protests were tuckered out by the fun they’d had and the unusual but perfect grotto.
‘You are very welcome Stede.’ Ed replied.
******
Ed was proud he'd put that beautiful smile on Stede’s face. It had been a wonderful day, and the kids had really enjoyed themselves he could tell. Stede was happy too but mostly relieved he thought. As they stepped outside onto the street again the day was topped off with another beautiful song, sung sweetly by Calypso, her gentle voice drifting into the night as she sung.
‘… and may all your Christmases be white.’ The last note held, and Ed couldn't help but think that maybe this Christmas would be a good one for a change. He always enjoyed spending time with his mother of course but he knew she worried about him because of a series of bad relationships, and toxic friendships and all of that came up full force at that time of year. So, it was nice to spend time with good people and maybe remember that he did know quite a few good folks and he should make more effort with them. After all the crew, his little group, of a bit strange but endearing people had really come through for him, and for Stede too and he'd have to thank them for that somehow - the usual thanks of a drink at the pub didn't seem like enough on this occasion. Definitely not he thought as he brushed his hand casually against Stede’s and Stede turned to look at him, with what he was beginning to think was a fond smile, the same one that had been directed at him several times that day already. And he couldn't help humming a Christmas tune or two to himself under his breath, suddenly in the spirit of the season.
*****
‘Daddy what's this?’ Louis suddenly blurted and Stede looked down at what Louis was holding in his hand and let out a gasp.
‘Louis, where did you get that?!’
Wherever it was Stede was going to put it back straight away.
‘It fell out of Ed Santa's pocket,’ his little boy said innocently.
‘Alma, walk ahead with Louis please, I need to have a word with Ed.’
When the kids were a safe distance away Stede brought up his hand to show Ed the object in it.
‘What's this? Well obviously, I know what it is but can you tell me why it fell out of your pocket?’
And yeah, that was a caught-out expression all right. If his eyebrows climbed any further up his face, they’d have to declare themselves an independent nation.
‘It's…um, it's…well, it's what it bloody looks like, it's a nipple tassel.’
And yes, it was and in fact it resembled a small Santa hat.
‘Can you tell me why you have it?’
‘You’re not stupid. I think you can guess why.’
‘You're not an ordinary Santa, are you?’
‘Nope.’
‘Fuck Ed, are you a stripper?’
‘Kinda.’
‘Kinda?!’ It was the turn of Stede’s eyebrows to launch off his face.
Ed just grimmest.
Stede gasped not out of shock so much as embarrassment this time. ‘And I… had you playing Santa for my kids, setting up that grotto. Oh my, shit I've made such an arse of myself, haven’t I?’
Stage face was burning, and he covered it with his hands as he tried not to hyperventilate whilst willing the pavement to swallow him up.
‘No man, hey… I offered, I set up the grotto. Because I wanted to okay, I wanted to help you and the kids.’
‘You mean you took pity on me.’
‘Well, you were a little bit pitiful,’ Ed tried to tease but the crest fallen look on Stede’s face changed his mind.
‘No seriously mate, we were happy to do it. Made the kids’ day, didn't it?’
‘I’m sorry Ed.’
‘Don’t be…it’s the most fun I’ve had in ages, maybe years even. So don’t be sorry, okay?’
‘Still, I’m so embarrassed going up to a complete stranger and asking such a big favour and it’s not even your line of work…what kind of a dad am I? You could have been anyone… and I…I mean you’re nice but what if you hadn’t been and I…’
‘Hey!’ Ed cut him off before he could spiral too much, ‘Firstly, I think you're a great dad for wanting them to enjoy themselves and be themselves while doing it. And I reckon they got on quite well with the gang. The kids enjoyed themselves and we enjoyed ourselves. So, I'd say no harm done. And secondly, you didn't ask mate, not really you just wanted to know if I ‘d heard of a grotto, I was the one who offered to take you to one. And as it goes, I was happy to do so, okay? So maybe take the win, yeah?’
‘Well when you put it like that…’
‘Exactly, and anyway maybe it's given me the idea that I should have a change of career, I could just be a regular Santa. Might be fun, if today's anything to go by I'm sure it would be.’
‘Thanks Ed, you're so kind. But I think it might be a shame for you to give up altogether.’
‘Yeah?’ Ed said picking up on the flirty tone.
‘Yeah, I was just wondering actually if you did private performances,’ Stede said with a little wink.
Ed choked on his saliva; mouth open catching flies.
Stede the bugger just laughed.
‘Seriously though you have to let me thank you properly. Can I take you to dinner sometime?’
‘You gonna romance me, Mr Bonnet?’
‘Yep, that’s the plan.’
‘If that’s the plan there’s one problem with it.’
‘What?’ Stede asked sounding worried.
Ed quickly put him out of his misery, ‘I think we should exchange numbers.’
‘Right,’ Stede said with a laugh and took out his phone.
He was so pretty, and lovely… Ed was screwed.
******
Stede couldn't leave the kids much as he was taking care of them by himself, but he did manage to take Ed out to dinner one evening.
‘Where are the kids?’ Ed asked a bit worried.
‘Don't worry I didn't leave them home alone. Although that would be appropriate this time of year.’ Stede laughed and it took Ed a confused minute to cotton on.
‘Yeah, but could they take down a couple of burglars?’
‘Oh, no bother, they wouldn’t stand a chance against Alma.’
Ed laughed along then thinking about how she’d handled Jim and had to agree.
‘They’re well looked after, not to worry but we wouldn't get much peace for a date with them along for it.’
Ed had nodded because of course kids weren't really what you wanted on a date. A first date, though, he sort of counted the grotto. Stede filled him in on the fact that a friend of his Lucius was taking care of the kids, apparently, he'd been Stede’s assistant for years. Until he'd packed in his job at his father's accounting firm to focus on his true passion - flowers and plants. He now worked with a lovely man, who was his boss at the florists and a much better mentor than his father had ever been. And according to Stede was going to offer him the chance to buy the shop when he retired in a few years. It got Ed thinking about what he'd like to do, what his dream might be. He wasn't sure, maybe a little restaurant or a café, because he liked to cook. Although he quite liked the idea of turning his hand to baking, he did that in his spare time to relax. But whatever the dream looked like Stede was going to be part of it he knew that much. They had a wonderful time but as Stede was so busy with the kids Ed hadn’t been expecting to hear from him for a while. So he was surprised when he called to invite him to dinner. And not just any dinner, Christmas dinner!
Ed’s mother had also been invited but she declined saying she didn’t want to be a third wheel but wanted all the juicy details when he came to her on Boxing Day. ‘There won't be juicy details the kids are going to be there!’ Ed protested.
‘They have to go to bed sometime,’ she’d told him with a saucy laugh.
She was a menace, but boy did he love her. And if she was a very good girl, he might give her some details. Providing there were any to give. He hoped there would be.
*****
Ed brought a bottle of wine for Stede and some sweets and little bits for the kids. After all Santa couldn't turn up empty handed for the children.
He offered to help Stede in the kitchen to be a helpful guest but also steal a few kisses. While the food was cooking, they went to the front room to join the kids and the first thing they heard was giggling followed by Alma fiddling with her phone. The next thing was the sound of ‘I saw Santa kissing Mummy under the Christmas tree,’ filling the room. But as Ed listened, he realized the lyrics had been changed to ‘I saw Daddy kissing Santa under the Christmas tree,’ and a very familiar voice singing it – Calypso. Great so the whole gang was in on it, helping the kids with their joke. He looked at Stede to figure out his reaction and he had his head in his hands. Ed knew Stede hadn't got around to telling the kids officially yet, but it seemed like they’d guessed, or worse maybe seen them. It was embarrassing all right. Then Stede spoke up, ‘So you kids know then?’
‘Obviously, you two are so smitten, Dad,’ Alma stated like it was obvious.
‘And you’re uh, okay with it?’ He seemed worried as he asked.
‘Yes, Dad it's great!’ Alma exclaimed.
‘Yeah,’ Louis agreed, ‘If you're dating Santa, I’ll get better presents than all my friends!’ He squealed excitedly.
‘He’s not the real Santa!’ Alma insisted but before she could expand and ruin Christmas by saying there wasn’t one Stede cut in, ‘Alma.’ He warned. But it was too late because Louis had already skipped off to open some presents even though they weren't supposed to do that until after dinner.
‘You sure you know what you're getting into with this,’ Stede said to Ed, letting out a long breath, when Alma had gone to join her brother.
Ed laughed, ‘As long as we're in it together I think I'll manage.’
‘I hope we’ll do more than manage.’ Stede said hopefully.
‘Oh, we will, after all you've got the coolest Santa in town on your side now.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Definitely and if you’re a very good boy, or maybe a very, very bad boy he’ll always have a treat for you.’
‘What kind of treat?’ Stede asked sliding closer and wrapping an arm around Ed.
‘Well, for example, I might show you my other Christmas outfit.’
‘Oh! What is it?’
‘Mother Christmas, a very sexy Mother Christmas.’
And it was Stede's turn for his mouth to drop open and start catching flies.
‘I'd like that a lot.’
‘That's good 'cause me too.’
‘Merry Christmas Ed.’
‘Merry Christmas Stede.’
‘Come on Dad, Ed we want to open the presents...’ Alma shouted over to the pair.
They laughed and went to join the kids. Yes, Ed was a very happy Santa, it was the best Christmas he could remember, he just hoped his Mum wouldn’t give him too much stick about it tomorrow. Even if she did it would be worth it.