Archive of Our Own

Day 6 - December 20th 1996

Another Christmas. Alone again. Maxwell had taken the family to England for the holidays, and had decided to go early so they could sightsee a bit. Show his kids where he grew up, went to school, all that nonsense. CC had been invited, but she couldn’t think of a worse time. To be stuck in a rainy, gray, depressing country with a happy family while learning more about Maxwell’s happy childhood. Well, maybe not happy, but apparently happy enough that he didn’t want to forget about it the way she did.

She had tried to convince Maxwell to let her get some work done. He refused. She was so done with the way he always wanted to micromanage everything she did. Even now she was his partner in the company, but he still ran everything as if she was not to be trusted. He had shut down the company again for the holidays, and that was that.

Maybe a few weeks away from it all would do her good. Of course she had been in denial for too long these weeks were coming, and hadn’t booked a nice getaway for herself. She would kill for a cocktail on a beach somewhere, but all the places she enjoyed had been booked. There was no way she would suffer a flight during Christmas time in economy to a generic resort somewhere.

So here she was. Home. Alone. Nothing to do. No one to see. All she had to look forward to were some long walks with Chester until he complained about the rain and cold. A nice lunch somewhere. She would go see a movie she had wanted to check out. Go to a couple of shows to see what they were up against and to get some new ideas. Not that Maxwell would go for them.

A knock on the door startled her. The doorman hadn’t called to announce a visitor, and she wasn’t expecting anything or anyone.

Looking through her peephole she was surprised to see Nanny Fine, holding a bag covered with a towel and looking around. What was she doing here? She was supposed to be in England with the family. Wasn’t she? CC hadn’t really been paying attention to the planning of the trip, had just assumed she would go with them. She never seemed to refuse a free trip.

Making sure she looked at least somewhat decent she unlocked the door and opened it for her.

"Nanny Fine? What are you doing here?" Her tone was stern, trying to convey her annoyance. Her visit couldn't be a good thing. She honestly could not think of one single reason why she would be here at this moment. She hated that Nanny Fine was disturbing her peace this way.

Nanny Fine looked at her briefly before looking away again. "Uhm. I… I was cooking, trying out some of grandma Yetta's recipes, and made too much for me on my own, and I figured…" She took the towel off of the bag, revealing it was filled with several plastic containers, fogged up from the heat.

"Maybe you would like to try some? I mean, if you haven’t eaten yet, or weren’t cooking for yourself or hadn’t…"

"Just come in Nanny Fine." She stepped aside to let her pass. Nanny Fine had been in her apartment once before, that time she had tried to pretend to be CC. But she was looking around as if it was her first time.

CC closed the door behind her. Nanny Fine was putting the containers on the bar.

"I made some potato kugel, kreplach, yapchik and I didn’t know if you had any white wine so I brought a bottle. I also tried to make challah but… It's bread, it's edible, let's leave it at that." She pointed to the boxes as she was talking.

She still wouldn’t look at CC.

"Why?" It was the only question CC had, but it covered so much. Why wasn’t she in England with the Sheffields? Why had she cooked too much for her alone? Why didn’t she eat it with her family, instead opting to share it with her? Why was she being so nice?

She looked up. "I… uhm. I… I figured you'd be hungry, I had food, I brought it." She put the towel in her bag and walked to the door. "Well. Enjoy. If you want to reheat it, you can pop it in the microwave. But it should be good."

She opened the door and left, almost fleeing CC’s apartment.

What was that all about? The visit, if you could call it that, had lasted not even five minutes. She walked over to the bar to inspect the containers she had left her. They were still hot, and the wine was still cold.

Nanny Fine's fumbling made her think it wasn’t a prank. That wasn't her style anyway. And why wouldn't she stay to eat with CC? What brought on this donation of food? As far as CC knew she wasn't really a cook, preferring Niles to do it or ordering in.

CC hadn’t really given dinner much thought yet. She would probably have reheated yesterday’s Chinese or maybe have ordered in some sushi. She might as well eat what Nanny Fine brought her, and figure out what all these dishes were. CC couldn't think of a time when she had Jewish food before, and she was eager to try.

Accompanied by the great smells coming from the containers, CC set the table. She didn’t eat at her table very often, never bothering with it if she was by herself. But somehow it felt appropriate now.

The food was warm, and it tasted delicious. She had no idea what half of the dishes were, but it all pleasantly surprised her. Nanny Fine could really cook. The bread tasted good, but the presentation left something to be desired.

Still she was bothered with the questions this all raised. Instead of saving the leftovers for herself or her family, Nanny Fine brought them to her. She brought them so quickly after finishing cooking that the food was still hot by the time she arrived. The wine was still cold from the fridge.

And then she dropped it off and left. No explanation.

Why?

Day 7 - December 21st 1996

The weather was terrible. It had been raining all day, and even Chester was fine with just a quick trip outside to do his business before dragging her back into the building to laze in front of the heater she had put up for him.

Not feeling like going out, she had spent the day lazing about, reading a book, watching one of her favorite movies, cleaning out her closet.

Slowly she was getting used to not having much to do. Relaxing. Taking time to do the things that deserved time.

Around six there was a knock on the door. She was less surprised than yesterday, but still made sure to check who was at the door.

Nanny Fine, again with a bag covered by a towel, again looking around.

She opened the door and stepped aside.

Nanny Fine looked up in surprise and when CC gestured her in, walked over to the bar to unload just two plastic containers today.

"Good evening, Nanny Fine." She smiled. It was kind of enjoyable to see her a little less confident.

"Hi, Miss Babcock. Good evening. I was… uhm…"

"Cooking?"

"Yes. Yes. Cooking. More of Yetta's recipes. Made too much. Thought you might like it."

"What did you make today?" She wandered over to the bar, taking a peek in the biggest container, seeing if it gave any clues as to what Nanny Fine had made. "It looks and smells good, even though I have no clue what it is."

She gave Nanny Fine a small smile of appreciation.

"It's cholent — a stew — and I tried challah again."

"Thank you, Nanny Fine. It smells delicious. And yesterday too. Much better than reheated three-day-old Chinese."

She smiled, a slight blush rising to her cheeks. "You’re welcome."

"But you can’t tell me you couldn't have cooked for one. Or that you wouldn't have rather shared this with your family. And that I am the only one to share this with. Even bring the wine." She glanced at the bottle of red she placed on the bar, looking guilty.

"No. No I guess not. It’s just…" Nanny Fine stood up straighter, gathering courage.

CC raised an eyebrow, curious to see what she had to say.

"I was alone and I thought you might be alone and…" She shrugged. As if that was explanation enough.

"And what? This is out of pity?" CC frowned. Yes, she was alone. Had been for a very long time, really. But the last thing she wanted or needed was pity.

Nanny Fine huffed in denial. "No, no, not pity. Friendship."

She said it so softly that at first she thought she misheard her. Friendship? Nanny Fine? Her? Them?

"Don’t be ridiculous."

Nanny Fine shrugged. "Friendship. One friend doing something nice for the other."

She huffed. "I know what friendship is. I also know you and I aren’t friends." She shook her head. It was ridiculous. They had been enemies from the moment Nanny Fine had stepped one foot in the door of the Sheffield house. Every single thing she did was to undermine CC's work or make her life more difficult. She bonded with Niles over teasing her. Without any care for what it did to her.

"We aren’t enemies either." Nanny Fine looked at her, as if this really wasn't that hard to understand.

Of course they were.

Everything she did was to tease her. Make her look like a fool. Undermine her.

They were.

Even though they had nice moments. When they went for sushi. When they met up at the bar. When they commiserated about Maxwell not being the sharpest tool in the shed. When she had stood up for her to Maxwell.

But they weren’t friends.

Could not be friends.

Could they?

She looked at her again. She didn’t seem to have an ulterior motive. Twice now she had made her delicious food and brought it over, even though she had no doubt the Fine family would love to take it off her hands. If she had made enough for herself too, it would be cold now, back at the Sheffield mansion.

Maybe they could.

With a soft smile she thanked Fran. The tension leaving her body was visible. She grabbed the bag and towel and walked to the door.

"Oh, Fran? Bring enough for two tomorrow."

Day 8 - December 22nd 1996

She had known Fran for three years now. And she thought she had a pretty good grasp on their relationship, or lack thereof. Apparently Fran had a different idea.

She thought they were friends. Or at least, they could be.

All day she had been going over their previous interactions.

So many times she had been the butt of the joke. Mostly by Niles, but Fran loved to join in. And she seemed to get a kick out of ruining CC's plans, making her feel stupid and ignored. Especially if she tried her best for the children.

She knew she wasn't the most motherly figure, who could blame her? But she had known the children since birth, had known what they went through. Maybe she didn't always go about it the best way, but she cared for the three of them. She tried.

But somehow Fran had a way of making her feel inadequate, and she knew it. She had discussed it many times with Dr. Bort, who had helped CC realize it had a lot to do with feeling like Fran replaced Sarah. The way Fran treated CC wasn't fair, but maybe it was also a response to CC's reactions to what Fran did.

The way Fran treated her probably also had something to do with Maxwell. Fran believed CC was chasing after him and was her competition, encouraged by Niles. She wasn't interested in Maxwell that way. Never had been. But she'd learned very early on that Maxwell responded very well to… positive attention. Sometimes it was the only thing he responded to. Niles had reframed that into her chasing Maxwell, and nobody believed her when she said she wasn't. Including Fran, who probably saw her as competition.

There were times they spent together away from the children, away from Maxwell. Those were nice. When they went out for dinner they had good conversations. Started getting closer. And they met up in the bar sometimes.

But as soon as they were back at the house, it was the same old routine.

Maybe Fran had had enough of that, it seemed she wanted more of the time outside of the house. These days were the perfect opportunity with everyone away.

Friendship with Fran. Was that something she wanted? Could want?

Friendship was dangerous. She only ever had one friend, Sarah. Her best friend. The only she'd ever let get close. The loss had been devastating, she still wasn't sure she had processed it.

She hadn't had a friend since. Acquaintances, plenty. Fake friends, a lot of them. But a real friend? One she could talk to? It had been years.

It would be nice.

But Fran? The distance between them had been… safe. Safe for CC. Safe to hide away or even face the feelings she knew were there. The attraction she felt the moment Fran came down the stairs in her red dress. The admiration for how she handled the children and the cultural differences within the family.

Could they be friends? Could CC keep the attraction at bay and just be friends? Because that's all they could ever be. Fran would end up with Maxwell eventually, when he got over his fear of commitment, and CC would be left on the sidelines.

If she didn't take Fran up on this though, the distance between them would grow. She would think CC cold and haughty, and CC wouldn't do anything to dispel that idea. Because that would mean admitting why they couldn't be close, and that was a secret nobody knew, not even her family, not even Maxwell. Not even Sarah had known.

Maybe she could do it. Maybe she should give Fran a chance, see where this would go. Because these last days had shown that Fran really wanted this. Maybe needed it as much as CC did.

Around six the expected knock at the door came. She took a quick glance through the peephole. Fran looked a lot more relaxed than before, and instead of one she was holding two heavy looking shopping bags.

When she came in, she put the bags down and took off her coat. CC was ready to take it from her. Fran looked surprised but handed it to her. She hoped this small gesture, making sure she knew they were equals, was a good start to show her she had been thinking about what she said yesterday.

Fran followed her to the kitchen, and together they unpacked the feast Fran had cooked for them. She went all out, with several side dishes, various kinds of filled bread as a main dish, and many small pastries as dessert. Fran had brought various bottles of wine, enough variety to match each course of their meal.

"So, what kind of delicious things have you made for us today?" CC asked, while peeking at the dishes to see what they contained.

Fran smiled, shyly. "You liked the food?"

"Mmm," CC nodded, while swiping her finger through some strawberry filling that had come out of one of the pastries. When she licked it off her finger she noticed Fran turning around quickly. Maybe she'd been a bit too comfortable, she knew Fran hated it when Sylvia did the same thing.

"Uhm, so these," she pointed to one of the starters, "are holishkes, minced meat rolled in cabbage leaves and simmered in tomato sauce. Those," she pointed to the filled bread, "are knishes. We usually have them as a snack, but I made so many I thought they could be our main dish. They are filled with potato, cheese, chicken and beef." She pointed to the different knishes while talking. She then explained the other dishes.

"Looks amazing." CC smiled appreciatively.

"Except for the challah. I tried again. At least it tastes good."

CC hummed in appreciation while tearing a piece from the bread.

Gesturing to the pastries, Fran continued. "You stole the strawberry filling from the hamantashen, and I also made rugelach."

"Well, all I can say, the filling tasted perfect. I can't wait to get started." She lit the candles on the dinner table, and turned down the lights. It wasn’t that she never ate dinner at her table, it was just so much easier to eat something at the bar or on the couch. Sitting at the table all alone just didn’t feel right. She'd done it the last two evenings because it felt more respectful somehow of the work Fran had put in. And now that she did have company, she was happy to go all out.

To her surprise, it was nice. The conversation was good, and they talked about a variety of subjects. It was almost stupid how well they connected now CC really listened to her. As she had known, Fran was smart, funny, and very observant. That could spell danger, but for now she was just going to enjoy it.

"So, why aren’t you in England? I would’ve thought Maxwell would have offered to take you with them?" Her tone was casual, to hide the burning curiosity. She felt Fran not going to England was somehow related to this friendship between them he was pursuing.

Fran put down her knife and fork and took a sip of his wine.

"He did. But I declined."

CC frowned. "But why? I thought you would be chomping at the bit for a free trip with Maxwell. I thought…" she paused, "no, forget that. I actually have no idea." She gave a weak smile.

"I…" she sighed.

"You don’t have to tell me."

She smiled at her. "No, it’s okay. Just have to collect my thoughts because it’s not… It’s complicated and kind of stupid." She took another sip.

"I figured out a while ago that he doesn't respect me."

CC had to swallow her response. Of course he didn't respect Fran. He didn't respect any of his employees. He was old fashioned, a 'man of the house' and everyone needed to respect him and him alone. She had thought Fran knew that from the beginning.

Fran smiled. "I know. I was naive. I get that a nanny-father relationship makes it hard, he is their father so he has the final say. But I thought we… You know. Romantically. I thought that would be different." She shrugged.

CC nodded in encouragement.

"Refusing to spend Christmas with them is actually kinda fitting, because it was a holiday that made me come to the realization." She sighed. "He's done it before, many times actually, but I thought we were getting closer. I thought… well, I thought wrong. On Hanukkah I asked him if I could put my menorah on the mantle. Give it the central spot it deserves. I wasn't making him join in the lighting of the candles. I wasn't inviting anybody over. I wasn't making the kids do anything they didn't want to do. You know what he did?"

CC shook her head, even though she had an inkling of what Maxwell's response might've been.

Fran swallowed visibly, before continuing softly. "He laughed. He found the whole idea so ridiculous, he thought I was kidding."

"He did what?" CC could barely contain the anger.

Fran shrugged. "Yeah. So I finally figured out he doesn't care for my traditions. For what's important to me. And I get that I am just the nanny…"

"No." CC interrupted Fran, maybe a bit too passionately judging from her look. "That's your house too, you live there. What do you mean he couldn't accommodate something so small and important to you? He puts up with my dog every damn day. One candlestick more is too much for him?"

She noticed Fran looking surprised, eyes wide open.

"Oh sorry, that wasn't very respectful, I meant menorah. You call it a menorah right?"

Fran nodded, still silent.

"I'm sorry he did that to you. I knew he was insensitive, but that went too far. Why didn't you say anything?"

She shrugged again. "What was going to change? It's his house. He's my boss."

CC nodded. Fran was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"But I guess that's when I finally realized what would be in my future if I did end up with him. If he can't accommodate some simple requests now, what about when I want him and the children to join me at temple? Or have a Jewish ceremony when we get married? I have been fooling myself that we could ever be together. I am just a girl from Flushing and he's… Well him. He's out of my league and I should have known that from the start. Even you told me that."

She had. Many times. Had pointed it out any time she could. Why? She wasn't really sure. She could be generous and say it was to prevent exactly this, knowing who Maxwell was and what kind of partner suited him. But she knew that wasn't it, not back then. It had been nearly instinctual, guarding her territory, not wanting anything to change. Later on maybe it had been more about trying to protect Fran from heartbreak. Maybe.

"So, that's why I am not in England. What about you? I am sure he invited you too."

He had. Just as he did for every trip the family took. CC figured it was a habit now, something that Sarah had always done so Maxwell did the same. She never accepted the invitation though.

"Yeah, not my thing. I never join them."

They continued eating silently. Just like the days before, the food was very good. So many dishes CC had never even seen before. She loved the new discoveries she was making.

"You just spend Christmas here by yourself?" Fran asked, not looking up.

CC wondered if Fran was still intimidated by her. Probably.

"I always do. Holidays are not for me." She smiled, hoping Fran wouldn't prod more. "Why aren't you with your family? I know you don't celebrate Christmas, but as they are over at the house nearly all waking hours I would assume you'd be with them on your time off."

"They don't know I am not in England." She said, quietly, again avoiding looking CC in the eye.

CC raised her eyebrows. She thought Fran shared everything with her mother and Val. And now she was the only one that knew Fran was here? She must have really meant it when she proposed friendship.

"Okay," CC said, hoping to reassure Fran somehow. "That's okay."

"I'd rather be here. Celebrate not-Christmas with you."

She then smiled at CC with such hope and joy that she felt her heart flutter. Actually flutter. This friendship thing was going to be much harder than she had imagined. But seeing how lost Fran was, also much more rewarding.

They continued their dinner and their conversation late into the night. The mood had changed, but not in a bad way. CC felt more relaxed, and Fran also seemed to be getting more comfortable, now that she had shared some of the things that had bothered her for months.

At the end of the evening CC invited Fran over for the next night. She asked her to bring a Christmas movie to watch, while she would order in this time, not wanting to always make her cook for her.

Day 9 - December 23rd 1996

Fran's words kept going through her head all day. Out of all the people she knew, her family, her friends… she shared her thoughts and feelings with her. Somehow that felt like a bigger bombshell than her statement that they were friends.

Friends could be casual. Friends could be as simple as not enemies. Friends had a drink every now and then.

But it was clear that this was very important to her. The way she had seemed so lost, so uncertain when telling her what had happened, what had changed. That wasn't the Fran she knew and… knew. And she had kept it to herself for a while now, until she felt CC was the one she wanted to share it with. Her.

She didn’t know what to do with that trust. That was a role, a responsibility no one had ever given her, had ever asked of her. Sarah, maybe, although Sarah knew how uncomfortable CC could be with the big emotional problems. It was something that CC knew about herself, but after trying with her family when she was young she quickly realized it was healthier to not rely on other people. That there was no one to rely on but herself.

And for it to be Fran of all people. Fran, who in just three evenings, had casually turned their entire relationship on its head.

She should be weary. She had learned the hard way in the past that putting too much trust in someone else would end up with her getting hurt. The casual evenings they spent together were nice, but this was turning into more. She was turning into more than just a friend. Could she follow the plans Fran had made for them? Spend these days together? At Christmas, a time she associated with loneliness and pain, a time where she always felt the most vulnerable?

It felt like madness. But what if Fran was truthful? What if she actually did care for her, as more than just a casual friend? As a good friend? What if she went along with it, and this turned out to be the Christmas she always needed? One where she was wanted. It was a chance she had to take.

She had decided to order in some sushi. She knew what Fran liked, somewhat, from their last sushi outing, but to give Fran the option to explore she just ordered a big sharing platter, figuring the leftovers could cover lunch the next day. At the store she had gotten some movie night staples: popcorn, candy and soda, and a fine white wine to accompany the sushi.

The knock on the door stopped CC from checking all her preparations for the umpteenth time. She was no stranger to ordering food, but it was always just for her. She’d like to come across at least half as competent as Fran had been these last few days. The food had arrived before Fran was due, so she’d had some time to set the table.

Fran was carrying a Blockbuster bag with several tapes inside, but she left the bag on the coffee table before walking over to the dining table.

"Oh, sushi, it’s been a while." She winked at CC. "And you got all my favorites! I think. It looks delicious." She laughed.

CC was glad to see Fran had relaxed a bit. To hear her laugh. She had a little chuckle to herself at the idea that she was glad to hear Fran's unique laugh. But it was true. It was nice to hear it again.

She gestured to the seat for Fran to sit down, and couldn’t help but return her smile. She didn’t need her approval, but it felt good to see her happy with CC's choices.

Dinner was very enjoyable. CC recognized that Fran was trying to ask her about her experiences with Christmas, but she really didn’t want to taint this positive evening with her memories. Christmas just wasn’t that special to her, never had been. She wasn’t ready to share why, it wouldn’t do anyone any good and she didn’t need Fran to feel pity for her. Let her think she spent Christmas alone because she was alone, that was bad enough.

When they had eaten all they could, Fran helped her wrap up the leftover sushi and clean up. She prepared the snacks and drinks for the movie and put them out on the coffee table, glancing at the bag, trying to make out which movies she had chosen.

Somehow she felt it would say a lot about her and their relationship. Would she pick some safe classics like Miracle on 34th Street or It’s a Wonderful Life? Or would she go for comedy with Home Alone? Maybe she would make fun of her dislike of Christmas with Scrooged or even The Nightmare Before Christmas?

But she picked, so it was up to her to reveal the movies. As with everything she did these last few days, she was sure she made a very conscious choice. She grabbed some blankets and made herself comfortable on the couch, waiting for Fran to join her.

"You didn’t even take a peek at the movies I chose?" Fran laughed while picking up the bag which was still in the same position she had put it before dinner.

She shrugged. "I figured you wanted to surprise me, so," she waved her hand, "go ahead. Surprise me."

She smiled and turned around. Unpacking the tapes while hiding them from CC, she then turned around, still hiding them behind her back.

"Now, there are many Christmas movies. Some are classics, movies I have seen over and over again, comfort movies. Some are newer, still have to prove their staying power. Some aren’t even Christmas movies, but maybe should be seen as Halloween movies."

She chuckled at her showmanship. "Get on with it Fran, I would actually like to watch a movie tonight, not an impromptu Christmas movie speech."

"Fine, fine. The movies I picked for us to watch are…" she did a little drum riff on her leg, and revealed the movies she was hiding.

Star Trek Generations, Stargate, and While You Were Sleeping.

CC was confused. What was Christmassy about those movies?

"I figured we both deserve a break from all this Christmas nonsense. I don't officially celebrate, you don't seem to care for it." She shrugged.

"True." CC smiled, and relaxed. Only now she realized she really was dreading a feel-good Christmas movie, but she would've swallowed her discomfort for Fran.

"I admit I asked the guy at Blockbuster for recommendations. I remember you like Star Trek and he said this one was the last one that came out, and if you liked Star Trek you would probably like this one too." She pointed at Stargate. "I have to admit, While You Were Sleeping was my own choice. I don't think you like romantic comedies, but just in case, I brought it. I can always watch it on my own later this week."

CC was in shock. Fran knew she liked Star Trek? Had she ever mentioned it at the house? She must have. It had been by accident, because she was not giving Niles more ammunition to bring her down. And Fran had remembered that one mention?

"No good?"

"No," CC's voice croaked, and she cleared her throat, "I mean, yes. Good. Surprising. Good surprising."

Fran smiled. A big, glorious smile.

Trouble. CC was in trouble. And it was looking more and more like it was the kind of trouble Fran wanted for them.

"Pop in Stargate, I haven't seen that one yet." At least as not many times as Star Trek, as she'd seen them both multiple times in the cinema when they came out.

A little while later they were warm underneath the blankets on the couch, the bowl of popcorn between them. CC wasn’t sure what she had expected when she asked Fran to bring a movie, but it wasn’t this. This comfortable silence, just enjoying a movie together. A movie that was fun to watch, even though she had seen it before. A movie that proved how well she knew her.

She looked over at Fran, who managed to look bored, confused, and deep in concentration at the same time.

"Not your kind of movie I guess?"

Fran looked up with a smile.

"Not really. But that doesn't mean I don't like it. I just don't understand all of it. But it's fun."

"You can ask questions you know. I may or may not have seen this movie before. A couple of times."

Fran's eyes opened wide in shock and she playfully hit her on her arm. "You! And I guess you also saw Star Trek?"

CC nodded. "But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate you picking them out for us. Because you chose exactly the kind of movies I like."

Fran sank back down in the couch and continued watching, but now when something happened she didn't quite follow, she asked CC for clarification, which CC was happy to give her.

It was still early when the movie finished, and neither of them were ready to let the night end. After a short break Fran got up to start the second movie. CC had handed her While You Were Sleeping, figuring Fran had had enough science fiction for one evening. They had switched from soda back to the wine, and CC noticed that when Fran sat back down, she was much closer to her.

She sat right next to her. When they put their legs back up on the coffee table, they were touching. CC froze. Did she mean to do that? Fran wasn’t acting any differently, reaching over to grab the popcorn bucket and putting it in her lap. She didn’t seem to notice the small existential crisis going on besides her.

Fran touched her often. She was the only one; CC didn't like to be touched. It always made her feel uncomfortable. Niles knew this and always managed to avoid it. Maxwell never touched her either, but that didn’t seem intentional on his part, just the way he was raised.

Life had gotten a lot more complicated when Fran had started working at the house, because she was always touching everybody, including CC. A hand on a shoulder, a pat on the back, grabbing someone’s hand. And she never noticed how it made CC recoil. Until it didn't. Until CC got used to it. Missed it even when it hadn't happened for a while. There were many days that Fran was the only one who touched her.

Somehow Fran knew this, almost from the beginning. Before CC did.

Their legs touching didn’t feel uncomfortable however. It felt… nice. Warm. Comfortable. Close. The way their conversations did. Just another way of letting her know she was there, with her.

"Are you okay over there?"

She swallowed and forced herself to breathe calmly and deeply. "I’m fine. Just start the movie." She avoided looking at Fran, she just knew she would say something about how obviously off-kilter she was just from her touch.

Fran pressed play on the remote and settled further down into the couch. Eventually CC relaxed and focused on the movie. Until Fran put her hand on hers, softly rubbing the side with her thumb.

She wondered if Fran could hear her heart beating. There was no way she couldn’t. It felt like it was trying to leap out of her chest. What was she doing?

"Is this okay?" She asked, softly, as if not to spook her any further.

Fran paused the movie. Turned to CC, who was looking at their hands, still together.

"Do I have the right idea? Or am I making a fool out of myself again?"

Was it actually okay? She had no idea. She’d learned in therapy to turn the question around. Was it not okay?

Was it? It felt… strange. In general, but also coming from her. But maybe not that strange, given the past few days. But this was more than friends. Was that bad? She had tried to avoid it the best she could. Because she thought it was one sided. Fran wanted Maxwell. Had wanted Maxwell. Not CC.

Well. Apparently she did want her.

So was it bad? Not really. Maybe. She thought.

"It's… It's okay. Right idea. Yes," she whispered.

She quickly glanced at Fran, who was smiling that gorgeous smile again while looking at her, but then looked back at the TV as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

She did the same, unable to focus on the movie, but refusing to look anywhere else but at the TV.

And eventually she relaxed again, enjoying the evening. It was actually really nice. Comfortable.

Day 10 - December 24th 1996

She had slept too long, her mind felt foggy. She was uncomfortable but not cold. Slowly she became more aware. Chester wasn't in his usual spot next to her on the blanket, he was on the floor, but he was still snoring softly. She looked around and realized she was on the couch, with a pillow from her bed and two blankets covering her.

Then she realized she was still wearing the previous evening’s clothes. Only her socks had been taken off.

There was no doubt in her mind that Fran had made sure she would sleep comfortably, probably after falling asleep during their second movie.

She sat up, and took a peek around the living room. Empty. Cleaned up, but empty.

She had no idea how to feel about that.

Fran had taken care of her. Made sure she was nice and comfortable for the night. Chester looked content too, so she had probably fed him and let him out one last time.

But she was gone.

After all the talk about wanting to spend time with her, to consciously choose her and be with her specifically… she had left. On the couch they had sat together. Close. Touching. So close.

And she had left her.

Christmas was nothing more than a time of pretending. After ignoring everybody all year, it was a week in December where everybody suddenly pretended to care about one another. When the people that didn’t matter all of a sudden could not be missed. Just to be discarded again come December 26th. It even happened to her on this non-Christmas she was having with Fran.

And she had known this. Learned this from an early age just to have it confirmed over and over again, every single time she even dared to imagine something else.

But she had started to believe Fran. She didn't care much for Christmas this year. She just wanted to be with CC specifically. Had trusted CC with things she hadn't even told her mother or her best friend.

She had said she wanted to be with her.

She had wanted her.

And CC had stupidly started believing her. Had fallen for it once again, that illusion that somebody might want her. Need her. Her specifically.

But she had left.

And maybe she could concede that staying had been difficult for her. May have made things more difficult between them.

She had left without a word though.

Her heart broke and froze at the same time. Being alone was never the hard part. It was being alone after not being alone that was so lonely. After having someone, thinking you had someone, and losing them.

She shouldn’t have let Fran get close. She should have protected herself. She should have sent her away that first evening.

Christmas wasn’t for her. Friendship wasn't for her. And they never would be.

She walked back to the bedroom, taking a glance at Chester who had moved to his usual spot on her bed, now snoozing on the pillow.

After a shower and some coffee for breakfast she felt more like herself. Maybe it was time to get some work done. The stupidest thing about Christmas was that everybody had collectively decided that work stopped for a week or two. Who had time for that? People who didn’t take life seriously, that’s who. People lost in fairy tales of love and family.

Enough of that. It hadn’t gotten her anything in the past, and it wasn’t getting her anything now.

She grabbed her work bag and pulled out a pile of paperwork to review. After taking Chester for a little walk she would dive right in and make sure Maxwell and her could hit the ground running as soon as he came back from England.

The phone rang and startled her. She had been so focused on the papers in front of her she had lost track of time. The sun was setting already, and she realized she hadn’t had anything to eat or drink all day.

A shrill ring reminded her that someone was still trying to reach her. She didn’t really feel like talking to anybody at the moment, so she decided to let the machine pick it up.

After her own away message and the beep she was surprised to hear Fran. Somehow in her mind Fran leaving last night had turned into her leaving CC. So why would she be calling now?

"Hello Miss Babcock… CC, I just wanted to check… no, to invite you. Tonight is Christmas Eve and I know we kinda had a non-Christmas going, but it is still a special evening. I wanted to invite you for a small dinner at the house. If you want you could… I can prepare a guest room for you, and of course Chester is welcome too. I… I hope all is well. You're probably just taking Chester for a walk or grabbing some last minute groceries. Well. Please let me know. I'd love it if you have dinner with me."

She sat frozen in her uncomfortable dining room chair. She had no idea what to feel, no idea what was going on. For Fran nothing had changed, or at least, she still wanted to spend these days with her. And she didn’t apologize for last night so she… didn’t think she did anything wrong?

What the hell did that mean? Fran meant to leave her lonely? Or she thought she did the right thing? That she would’ve minded if she would have stayed?

Did she want to spend another evening with Fran? This specific evening of Christmas Eve? Which, even now, was a special evening?

Her first instinct was to decline the invite. Give up on Christmas. On friendship. On whatever it was that this was becoming.

But that was based on what had happened last night, at the end of last night. If she forgot about that for a second, and just thought about the last four days, and the time on the couch watching movies with Fran, she was inclined to accept her invitation. To see what she had planned next.

And maybe ask her why she had left. Give her a chance to explain.

Because all this uncertainty made one thing very clear to her. They needed to talk. Both of them. Fran had shared his reasoning, partly, but she hadn’t really shared her feelings with her. Did CC even know her own feelings? In general terms maybe, and for now that would have to be good enough. But Fran did deserve to know.

CC didn’t want to lose this closeness. Lose her.

She called Fran back and accepted her invitation.

~~~

CC Babcock was not someone who avoided scary situations. Meetings with classist backers, misogynistic theater owners, stars with attitude; she didn't care. She was CC Babcock and she was coming to get what she deserved.

But she was also someone who absolutely avoided scary situations. It was just that what was scary to her, wasn't what scared most people. She avoided family settings. Things that dealt with children. Emotional conversations. Feelings. Most of all, feelings. Her own and others.

Which was why she was almost shaking now, riding in the cab to the familiar Sheffield mansion. There was nothing in the world she wanted more than to turn back, go home, grab Chester, and go to bed.

Hide.

Run.

Avoid.

But she was well aware that that was what she'd been doing her entire life. And while she was successful in business, personally she felt much less so. If she ever wanted to change that, she had to be uncomfortable and face her fears.

She had to talk to Fran. About her feelings. And Fran's.

To see if she had the right idea, and that Fran wanted more from her. Between them.

Fran might say no. She might put herself out there and get rejected. Again. And it would hurt, because CC had slowly started to believe her.

But she might say yes instead. Fran might want her. And CC had to admit, she wanted her too. She couldn't deny that anymore, not after last night. Or the nights before, really.

Too soon the cab stopped in front of the mansion. She grabbed the bag she had spent too much time on preparing and paid the driver before exiting the car. Wiping her clammy hands on her coat she walked up to the door, getting ready to ring the doorbell.

The door opened before she could; startled she looked at Fran. She was nervous too, CC could tell right away. She'd been waiting for her to arrive, and had probably been watching her through the front door window. Fran was almost too attentive, taking her bag, helping her out of her coat. She was talking about the dinner she'd prepared and what they might do after dinner. Asking if she wanted to go to church, but assuring it was okay if she didn't, she didn't mind.

"Take a breath, please, before I pass out out of sympathy with your lungs," she laughed.

Somehow, seeing Fran this nervous calmed her down. Apparently a lot was riding on this evening for her too.

She followed Fran to the kitchen, where she had prepared enough food for the Fine family reunion, just for the two of them. Which brought up the question again, why wasn't she sharing it with her family?

Fran looked at her, sheepishly. "I like to cook when I am nervous," and shrugged, as if that was explanation enough.

She helped Fran move the serving dishes to the dining room, and joined her at the table when they were done. She had decorated the room with some fairy lights. There were candles on the table for a bit more light, and it created a very cozy environment. Romantic almost, if she dared to let her thoughts go that far.

They hadn't said much while setting the table. In silence they put food on their plates, and started eating.

So much that needed to be discussed, and neither of them seemed to know how to start. And they didn't. Dinner was mostly silent, and if they talked, it was about superficial subjects as much as they could. Both knew there was a lot more to talk about, but dinner didn't seem to be a good setting for it. CC was glad, she didn't know if she could bare her soul to Fran while she was sitting across from her, looking at her.

At least dinner did calm them both down, and reestablished some of the comfortable silence between them. It reminded CC of how relaxed she could be with Fran.

They cleaned up, wrapping up the leftover food and saving it for later. With a drink and some snacks they moved to the living room. Together they started a fire, and for a little bit they were just lost in thought, staring into the flames.

"Did you…" Fran started, "did you sleep okay?"

CC put down her drink. She had realized after Fran's call that she had no idea what it had meant to CC that she had left. And that if she wanted her to know, she would have to tell her. Everything.

"I did, thank you."

"But," she said, just as Fran was starting to say something. She lifted her hand to silence Fran, who nodded, giving her space.

CC had to know, no matter how scared she was. "How… how serious were you these last few days? About what you want with me, about what you feel?" She hated how soft she said it, so uncertain.

"Because if this is just a joke, or something you want to try out, or even just so you don't have to be alone for Christmas or whatever you want to call this crazy time of the year, please tell me now. Please don't let me… please just be honest with me." She pleaded with Fran.

Fran took CC's hand in hers, pulling CC towards her, forcing her to look her in the eyes.

"CC Babcock, I am one hundred percent serious. I care about you. A lot. The last few days were more honest than I have ever dared to be. This is not a joke. This is not just because I am lonely. I want to be with you." She smiled. "In whatever way you feel comfortable."

She nodded.

She could see that the last statement made Fran uncertain. She had to remind herself that she was putting herself in a very vulnerable position too, and she did take the first steps, without knowing what CC would have done with the things she told her. Fran had been brave enough to be open about her feelings, with optimism about where it could lead them. Now it was up to CC.

"I did sleep alright," she started, "but I was… sad you left. Angry too."

Fran looked confused. Worried. Started to talk, but CC shook her head.

"Let me explain, because it isn't your fault, it just took me a while to realize.

"I know you as someone who is always surrounded by people. You have friends, a huge family, and I know you don't always get along, but from what I can tell, you are there for each other. Something's going on that you're keeping from them that you are here and not overseas, but all in all, you are not alone." Fran nodded, listening intently.

"And I guess you know that that's not my life. I am not close with my friends, if you can even call them that. I don't think I really had a friend since Sarah. And my family… the less said the better. I've just always been alone.

"This time of the year always makes it worse. Everywhere you look you see happy families and friends spending time together, sharing love and happiness. It's never been like that for me. Not when I was a kid, and not since then. My family is not one of those you see on TV. Maybe in a true crime documentary," she chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. But she knew it wasn't funny. She knew it wasn't right. Therapy had helped her learn that. But knowing and knowing are two very different things.

"When I was a kid, my parents were already divorced. My mother always threw a big ball just before Christmas, and had her children there with her to present that perfect family image. Of her as a loving and caring mother. And I believed it too, for a few years. Until I got older and started being my own person. When I didn't go along with everything she wanted for me. When DD fit her image of a perfect daughter better.

"Later on, I realized that people just didn't want to spend Christmas time with me. I was invited, sure. But when something came up, I was never the one they chose. My father chose business. My brother chose his partner and his work. Maxwell chose his family. And I don't fault them for their choices, I understand that people get to make their own decisions about what's important to them. It was just…" she sighed, "never me.

"You don't even celebrate Christmas and you're the first. And then yesterday…" she looked down at her hands. "You left me."

Fran gasped. Got ready to defend herself. CC raised her hand again to silence her, silently asking for a little more time to explain.

"That's what it felt like. To be so… together yesterday, and so alone this morning."

Fran gave her hand, the one she had not let go of, a squeeze.

"I've been alone all my life, Fran. And I thought I had made peace with it. These last few days have shown me what I have been missing. What I knew I had been missing. But the loneliness I felt this morning after realizing you had left… It made me think that none of this was worth it. Better to not know what I was missing."

She sighed. "I was angry at you. For misleading me. For pretending to care just because it was Christmas, or you were lonely, or angry at Maxwell, or something. Just like everybody else pretends this time of year. I hate this time of year so much, the way everything shuts down, how suddenly priorities change."

Fran caressed her hand, the way she had done the day before when they were watching the movie.

"When you called, left your message…" CC took a deep breath, "I realized I was being unfair. I assumed you were just like everybody else I have known. But I figured I had to hear you out. And tell you what I was feeling. See what it is what we are doing. Be honest."

She turned to Fran, looking at her. She was looking at CC, appearing calm, but she could see Fran's other hand tense up and relax.

"So Fran, I don't know what is going on. I won't pretend to understand my feelings well enough to be able to articulate them well. But what I do know is that I really like spending time with you. Talking with you. You make me feel… relaxed. Comfortable. Yesterday you touched me. You always touch me. You're the only one, did you know that? But yesterday was… different. Nice." She blushed. She actually blushed. CC Babcock, well known as the bitch of Broadway, forty-something years old, was blushing.

She looked away, not wanting to see Fran's reaction to her words. She had shared a lot more than she had been intending to, and it felt like she'd been talking for hours. There had been therapy sessions that were less scary, personal, and draining than this.

Fran's hand on her cheek startled her. She turned back to Fran, she was smiling. Not in a bad way, not as if CC read the situation all wrong. No, as if she was… happy?

"Thanks for sharing, honey. It's not easy for you. I know it took a lot of courage. Thank you."

She nodded, still in shock. It felt like teetering on the edge of a cliff. She could fall down at any moment, lost in the depths. Away from the comfortable world she knew, into the unknown. But maybe, with Fran, the unknown wouldn't be so scary. So bad.

"I haven't made it easy on you, not being clear from the get-go as to what I wanted. But I was afraid that if I had just come out and said it, I would have scared you away. I wasn't quite certain you… You know. I had an inkling, and really hoped I was right, but I thought…" Fran sighed, "I thought you probably wouldn't even consider the idea of any type of closeness with me. Friendship or more."

CC chuckled. "You're not wrong. But can you blame me?"

Fran shook her head with a grin. "No. When you invited me for dinner it was the first time I thought you might be open to it. And then movie night…" she smiled at the memory.

"It was nice." CC said, smiling. Leaning into her hand, still on her cheek.

"It was really nice. But I thought… I didn't want to overstep. That's why I left. I don't want to assume anything CC, because I know how hard this is for you. For us."

She nodded. "I know. I guess I was just surprised at how much I wanted you to have stayed. Including taking that decision out of my hands. But that's not fair to you."

Fran's eyes opened wide in surprise. "You wanted me to stay? I thought… I thought you were mad I tucked you in. Or that I left without a word. You were upset because you wanted me to stay?"

Fran sat back and exhaled loudly. CC sat back too, but made sure she was touching Fran's side, holding her hand.

"So. Just so we are absolutely clear. You flirting with Maxwell?" Fran asked after a little while.

"It gets things done. It seems to be the only way to motivate him or get his attention sometimes."

Fran laughed. "Don't I know it. The man craves attention, preferably of the female kind."

"And you?"

"I would be lying if I said I didn't see him as a potential partner in the past. But like I said yesterday, it's changed, it hasn't been like that for a while now. Flirting just makes the job a lot easier."

They chuckled, still holding hands.

"I… I didn't tell anyone I didn't go to England because I didn't tell anyone I don't want a relationship with Maxwell." Fran said, softly, staring into the fire.

CC nodded, sensing there was more Fran needed to say, giving her space.

"They think he is perfect for me. More than perfect. Better than a girl like me could ever hope for. And I guess he is. If I told them my feelings they'd just tell me to get over it. Accept it because of who he is and his wealth. They'd say I am too picky, too demanding. I didn't want to deal with that. Because I don't think I am."

"You're not."

"I know. Feels kinda lonely though."

"Still?"

Fran smiled. "You're right. Not anymore."

"It's so stupid. All because of a menorah."

"Is it? Just that?" CC wondered. Was Fran wanting a relationship just because Maxwell had refused to put up the menorah? Was she the second choice?

Fran sighed. "It's not. It's how he always makes fun of my lack of education. How he judges my faith and how I live it, saying he won't put up the menorah because I eat pork, so how important can it really be? I follow all the Christian traditions for him and the children. You and Niles have more respect for me, especially around the holidays. Niles always checks with me, and with Yetta and Sylvia what we are comfortable eating. He even bakes treats for me to take over to Ma's. And you stepped in with Maxwell when you heard him dismiss me or when he refused my requests for time off, and you checked in on me.

"It just took me a long time to realize that you were treating me so much better than he ever did. Even though you were supposedly not even my friend and hated me." Fran nudged her with a smile. Oops, and she thought she played the role of evil business partner so well.

"I'm sorry he's like that. If it gives you any comfort, he's always been like that, with everybody. From his girlfriends, his wife, to his children. Me. It's not personal. It won't change either. He is the ruler of his own little universe."

"It does, thank you."

They sat back, closer, more comfortable. Sipping their wine, watching the fire. Holding hands still.

"So. You like women." Fran started.

"Mmm. And I take it you like both?" CC turned her head to Fran, still sitting back.

"Yeah. For all the good it ever did me."

CC chuckled. Fran had dated some… fine examples of the other sex.

"Just women for you, I assume?"

CC nodded.

"Does Maxwell know?" Fran gasped. "Does Niles know?!"

CC laughed. "No. I never wanted to complicate things. Maxwell likes to think he holds my attention. And Niles… to be honest I have no idea what he would do with that information. I'd like to think he would treat it with respect, but even if he did, I think he would have blabbed about it somewhere in the past twenty years."

"True."

"Does anyone know about you?"

"Oh, my family and Val know. They don't care. I mean, Ma will be traditional to the very end, so her default will always be a nice Jewish man for me. But she really is fine with it. Here," she gestured around the living room, "nobody knows. It never came up. And I still can't figure out how Maxwell would react. So I never brought it up."

"True."

After a period of silence, Fran cleared her throat.

"So. I like you. You like me."

"We established that, yes." CC smiled, looking at her, wondering where she was going with this.

"I… Can we…" Fran looked at her, then away.

"Spill."

"Can I kiss you?" She said, quickly, quietly.

Slowly Fran's cheeks turned red.

She looked away, "Forget about it, that was stupid."

It was CC's turn now to caress Fran's cheek, to show how much she cared for her. "It's not stupid," she said, right before she leaned in and kissed her.

It was a soft, tentative kiss. Nothing hugely passionate. Not overwhelming. But sweet.

Any kiss she had before this had been a mistake, mistakes she would forget.

Because this was not a mistake. This was… everything.

Day 11 - December 25th 1996

She woke up more comfortable than she had in a long time. Not because of the bed, which was hard and lumpy and sorely in need of replacing.

No, she felt safe. Wanted. Loved.

The word that had scared, disgusted and confused her all her life, and now gave her such calm.

And with Fran of all people. She would have laughed in the face of anyone who would have suggested this even a week ago. When Maxwell had left on his trip she didn't think she would see Fran until work resumed, didn't even think about it, and now…

She turned around to snuggle Fran, who gave a content sigh but did not wake up.

She wasn't someone that needed a woman to be happy or feel complete. She had a pretty fulfilling life on her own. But it was lonely. She had been fine with that, had accepted it. Was finally at the point where she knew it wasn't a flaw in her, and she was fine just as she was.

But this? Being together with Fran? Waking up in her arms?

This felt right.

To her surprise it didn't scare her anymore.

During the previous evening, Fran had slowly gained back her confidence, taking CC in her arms, sharing kisses. When it was time to retire to bed her shyness returned. As did CC's.

After some talking around the subject they finally had the courage to express what they wanted. Fran wanted her to stay. She had prepared the guestroom across the hall from her just how CC liked it. But CC wanted to stay with her. Just sleep together, the one thing she found out she had wanted the night before.

So that's what they did, awkwardly at first, but she knew she'd never fallen asleep as quickly as she had last night, and woken up as well-rested as this morning.

Christmas morning. Not-Christmas morning. Whatever they were calling it.

She dozed a bit waiting for Fran to wake up. CC thought she always woke up at the crack of dawn with the children, but today she had no trouble sleeping in. Eventually Fran woke up and hugged her close, kissing her head. She smiled and snuggled on Fran's chest.

A loud rumble from Fran's stomach startled her. Laughing, she announced that maybe it was time to get up and get some breakfast.

They each took a shower, got dressed. She met Fran back in the kitchen where she was already preparing breakfast for them; making toast, frying eggs, and preparing a tray for them.

"Dining room or living room in front of the fire?"

They looked at each other and at the same time said, "Fire!". Smiling, they grabbed their food and drinks and walked to the living room.

Fran pulled down the blankets from the armchair. With the tree in the background and the lights dimmed, the darkness from the wintry weather outside created a warm cozy area in front of the fire. It kind of looked like a real Christmas.

After breakfast they just stayed in their safe, warm nest. They read books, magazines, talked, watched some movies. Most of all, they were together. The outside world did not exist.

Halfway through the afternoon CC was getting restless. They hadn't discussed dinner yet but they'd have to cook something, and they could do it together now. Not that CC was such an amazing cook. Or any type of cook at all even. But she could maybe hold something for Fran?

"What are we going to do for dinner?" She asked Fran.

"Oh, I figured I would whip something up, something simple." Fran shrugged.

"Want to do that together?"

Fran put her book down and turned to look at CC in shock.

"A little less surprised would be nice." CC raised her eyebrow, attempting to look stern.

"You cook?" Fran chuckled.

"Well, no. But I can help. Maybe we can try to tackle that challah together? See if we can master it?"

Fran teared up and awkwardly grabbed CC, hugging her close. CC wasn't quite sure what was happening. She was just offering to help.

"Uhm. Fran? Are you okay?" CC asked when Fran loosened her grip a bit.

Fran looked at her, tears streaming down her face. "Yeah, yeah. Just. You wanting to help me fix my challah. And help me cook. And enjoy the food I make for you. And ask me how I am. And want to be my friend. And more. And like me." She grabbed CC again.

Rubbing her back slightly awkwardly, she held Fran. CC didn't think it was so much it was worthy of an outburst like this, but Fran always was a lot more in touch with her emotions than CC.

"I'm just sad that I wasted all that time on him, begging for the tiniest scraps and then…" Fran pulled back again, looking at CC, caressing her cheek, "then I give you a chance, the chance you have deserved all along and you are just… perfect."

Confused, CC let go of Fran. "I am far from perfect. I am cold-hearted, distant, snobby…"

"Ssshhhh," Fran kissed her to silence her.

"You're not. I know people told you that you are, and Niles and I are going to have a word when he gets back, but you are not. You are you, and you do the best you can, and it is exactly what I need. And one day I am going to figure out to be exactly what you need."

CC swallowed and nodded.

"I think… I think maybe you showing up for me, showing me you care is what I needed. What makes this Christmas a good Christmas."

She kissed Fran softly, before getting up and holding out her hand for Fran to pull her up.

"That's enough feelings for today, let's go burn down Niles' kitchen." She put some extra effort in her evil chuckle, just because she wanted to hear Fran's laugh. And Fran delivered, so loud that CC was sure Roger Clinton next door heard.

In the kitchen, CC took up her spot on one of the bar stools at the island, watching Fran work. Every now and then she would hand her something to clean, something to chop, something to knead, and she would do it. It was wonderful to see Fran so in her element, keeping track of multiple dishes, cooking, baking, preparing, and talking to CC about everything and nothing. Now that she had given herself permission to feel her feelings for Fran, the floodgates had been opened. The rose-colored glasses were definitely on.

Finally everything was simmering and baking, and they had the dishwasher running after they had cleaned up most of the kitchen. Fran went over to the fridge and grabbed a big bowl covered with saran wrap.

She sprinkled flour on the counter, and took out the dough. Standing next to CC, she divided the dough into six equal parts. Then she made long strands, pinching them together at the top.

"And this is where I start to mess up. Yetta always does a six-stranded braid, and I can't figure it out. Three is just fine, but I want to be able to do it just like she does."

"Oh. Yeah. No, I can help you with that. I know how to do this. Maybe not like Yetta, but it will at least look like a braid."

Fran nudged her. "Hey, my challah's looked braided."

CC chuckled. "They were delicious. They didn't look braided."

"Fine. You do it."

So CC did. Slowly, explaining the pattern to Fran as she went. Turns out that all those afternoons spent learning different types of braids for the friendship bracelets she never got to share weren't all a waste. She had no idea if this was the same braid that Yetta did, but at least it looked like one at the end.

They did the final few strands together, CC guiding Fran.

When she squeezed the ends together and tucked them in, Fran surprised her with a kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you honey!" Fran took the braided bread and put it on the parchment paper lining the baking sheet, and put it in the oven.

Dinner was delicious, as it had been the previous days. Fran could really cook, and she didn't know if she believed that this was just Fran trying out Yetta's recipes. She seemed to have mastered them already.

"Why aren't you cooking these with Yetta or your mother?" CC asked, taking another bite of the tzimmes.

Fran shrugged. "They refuse. It's always, 'oh, you're too young,' or 'no, let me do it,' or 'you don't do it right,'. And then Ma and Yetta start fighting about how to do it. Yetta doesn't remember all the details either, and refuses to admit it. So I stole her recipe box and just decided to start trying by myself. I have helped them both often enough that I figured I could do it. And now with Niles away I can finally use his kitchen without him having a conniption any time I try to touch something."

"He will still kill you because there is no way you cleaned everything up to his standard and put it back in the right spot."

Fran laughed. "Oh I don't know. I think he may be distracted by some other news, don't you think?"

CC froze.

"Or not. If we try to keep it quiet. We'll see."

She relaxed, mainly because Fran truly acted like it was no big deal. She hadn't given sharing their new relationship any thought yet, and didn't want to either. They had been in their own little world, away from everyone and everything. The return to the real world terrified her.

Fran's hand enveloped hers. "It's okay, we can talk about it later. I would never share anything you don't feel comfortable with."

She nodded, exhaled, and really relaxed. It would be okay.

After dinner they sat on the couch, selecting another movie to watch. Fran settled in CC's arms, warm and content. Not only was she not alone on Christmas, she was spending it with someone who had chosen to be with her. Over her family. Her friends. And it was exactly the kind of Christmas she needed. No mandatory family moments. They did nothing just because it 'had to be done'. Just an absolutely perfect day together.

She let out a sigh and snuggled even closer, squeezing Fran's shoulder's.

"You okay?" she inquired.

"Mmmm."

"Comfortable?"

"Very."

They were quiet for a bit.

"What do you think about this Christmas?" Fran inquired.

She thought for a bit. "Better. There is still so much I dislike about this time of the year. Why does real life grind to a halt? Why does everyone descend in tooth-aching sweetness?"

Fran chuckled, and CC loved the joy that brought her.

"But this is a good Christmas. Very good."

"You know it was never you, right?"

"Huh?"

"The fact that they didn't choose to spend time with you, has nothing to do with you." Fran caressed her arm. "It is something wrong in them. What parent doesn't choose their child? There was nothing you did wrong, nothing you could have done to make them choose you, because it was never about you. It was about them. You are perfect the way you are, the way you will be, want to be. And I choose you, every time, every way. Always."

When Fran turned her head to CC, she was looking at her with such love in her eyes. Fran held her cheek, wiping away the tears she hadn't even noticed.

Fran kissed her. "Always."

Day 12 - December 26th 1996

The following morning they had breakfast in the kitchen. At the end of the day the family would be home, and that knowledge made them more subdued. Real life would be here soon, and they probably needed to talk about that.

It made CC uncertain. Because what would Fran say to the Sheffields? Would she want to keep them quiet? Did CC want to keep quiet? What would Maxwell say? Or Niles, who was one of Fran's best friends?

She was mulling all of this over while sipping from her coffee in her usual spot while Fran was clearing away the dishes.

When she was done they moved to the living room again. They had left the blankets, and with their books and magazines, they sat down in front of the fire.

"What's that?" Fran asked, pulling CC from her book.

"Mmh?"

Fran was looking at the tree. Underneath was a small gift, wrapped in red shiny paper, tied up in a golden bow. There was a tag on it, but CC couldn't read it from here.

"Maybe the family forgot to take it to England?" She returned to her book, but a sigh from Fran made her look up again.

"I'm no expert of course, but I don't think Santa makes mistakes like that." She gestured to the gift.

Slowly it dawned on her. She stood and walked over to the tree to grab the gift. When she returned to the blankets, she sat next to Fran.

"I didn't get you anything," she said quietly, feeling bad that she hadn't even thought about it.

"That isn't necessary. I just wanted to get you something. I hoped I could give it to you, and I am very happy I can now." Fran smiled, rubbing her leg.

She opened the gift carefully. Underneath the paper was a dark green box. Opening it she saw a diamond solitaire necklace with a thin gold chain. It was simple, but absolutely perfect. It reminded her of the one Fran sometimes wore. Tears welled in her eyes. She must have gotten it before even the first time she showed up at her place with dinner. Always hoping this would be the outcome, that she would have the moment to give it to her.

"I know it's not much, but…"

She raised her hand to stop her. "It's gorgeous Fran. It's perfect. It's… everything." She took it out of the box and handed it to Fran so she could put it on her, which she did.

"I thought, if you want, it is easy to hide, so nobody asks you…"

Looking at her, CC could see the uncertainty in her face. Seemed she wasn't the only one worrying about real life.

"I want them to ask me. I don't want to pretend this didn't happen. I don't want this to be a secret. Do you?"

All of a sudden she became unsure. Maybe Fran had bought this simple necklace so she could hide their relationship because Fran didn't feel comfortable yet sharing it.

"I don't, but…" With a finger she raised CC's head, making her look into her eyes.

"We have to talk about this. When the Sheffields come home tonight, what do you want to do? And tomorrow, when I have to work again? At the end of the day? Will you go home? Will I…"

CC kissed her, to stop her train of thought.

"We'll figure it out. I don't want to hide. I don't want to go back to what we had before. I want to be with you."

"Do you think Maxwell will respond badly?"

"Maybe. But mostly because he lost. He still thinks you want him, and he can have you any time he wants. He loves that, no commitment from him, yet you are always there for him, to escort him to an event, or to act jealous over. It will come as a shock that not only have you moved on, but you have moved on with me."

"Huh?"

"He doesn't hold a very high opinion of me, haven't you noticed?"

"Well… I don't know. You always seemed to me to be the voice of reason in his company."

CC laughed. "Glad you noticed. He prefers to believe all good ideas are his own, bad ideas are mine. And it's fine, I don't care. But he doesn't like losing, and he especially doesn't like losing to me. We'll see."

"So. We're not keeping this to ourselves? You are ready to share?"

CC nodded.

"And you realize that includes my family? Because if Niles knows, Ma knows. And if Ma knows I am dating a gorgeous, rich and successful woman, the whole Eastern Seaboard knows."

With a chuckle, CC responded. "I know. It's fine. I work on Broadway, if my orientation surprises or bothers anyone they are in the wrong place."

"Yes, but I mean… I give Ma about two minutes after finding out to start asking you about a ring and grandchildren."

"I don't care. All I care about is if you are happy. I know what I am getting into."

Fran looked skeptical, and then shrugged.

"Where will we stay?"

"I can't see Maxwell immediately agreeing to changing your hours so you can stay with me in the evenings. So maybe I will just stay here for a while? See if we can cause some more gray hairs on his head?"

Fran laughed. "You want to spend the nights together?"

"Do you think I'm going to let you go now we finally got here?"

Fran chuckled and kissed her.

"And then maybe you, or we, can talk to Maxwell about your hours? The kids are growing, maybe they don't need you as much in the evenings? Niles can help out if all that's needed is a responsible adult in the house? Not that he is one, but Maxwell seems to think he is. And then you can move in with me. If you want."

She had actually given this a lot of thought already, imagining their lives together. It made sense to her to have Fran move in with her. She was planning to redo some things around her apartment anyway, and they could make sure it was truly a home for the both of them.

Fran sat back against the armchair, staring into the fire. She didn't really respond to what CC had said.

"Hey, what's wrong? Don't you want to…" Oh. She probably didn't. She was going much too fast. They had spent the last few days together, but that didn't mean they were ready to move in together, change their lives completely.

"I do. More than anything. But it's too much." She said, dejected.

Confused, she asked Fran why.

"I can't ask you to move into my room in someone else's house. I can't pay a share of the rent on your place. I can't…" She sighed. "That necklace was half my savings. I worry I can't give you what you deserve. I don't want to take advantage of you. That's not what this is about."

"Stop, please. Don't let money get between us. It never got me what I wanted, don't let me lose the one thing I need. Please."

Fran rested her head on CC's shoulder. "You don't resent me for not being able to contribute much?"

"Bullshit." She was getting angry now. Not at Fran, but at society, at herself, at Maxwell, at everyone who had ever made her believe she was not good enough simply because she didn't earn a lot of money, had a degree, or her own place.

"You cook the most delicious meals. You take care of the children in a way nobody here could have or did for years. You helped all of us grow. You have joy, and wisdom, and humor, and beauty, and are the sweetest, most lovely person around. You know what people need before they do. You know what I need, even if I don't think I want it. You care Fran, you care so much and so deeply. And that is worth everything."

CC kissed the top of Fran's head. "You're everything."

She nodded, but CC had the feeling this was something they would have to keep an eye on. Growing resentment could ruin so much, and she refused to give this up.

"We'll figure this out. Together."

They decided to go pick up the family at the airport to create some goodwill, and because Fran couldn't wait to see the children again. When it was time to go they had cleaned up the living room and kitchen, and had many conversations about what their future would look like.

Fran would work with Maxwell to reduce her hours. If more was needed, Maxwell could always hire a babysitter or work with Niles. By working normal hours, she could go home with CC at the end of the day. Of course there would be times where staying at the house would make more sense, so she should keep her room, but then CC could stay with her.

The rest of the time they had spent sharing ideas about the renovations of CC's, no, their apartment. As soon as Fran realized that CC meant it when she said Fran had as much of a say as she did, she shared the dreams he had always had for her own place. A big kitchen. A big dining table for her entire family. A walk-in closet. A good bed. An amazing bathroom with a steam shower and a huge bathtub.

CC had arranged a car, and together they went to the airport. She realized that their happy bubble would break as soon as the family came out of the terminal. But with all the conversations they had had, with all of their history, she hoped that they would remain in sync and together.

When Maxwell came out of the building, followed by Niles and the children, he stopped dead in his tracks, everybody else bumping into him. He looked questioning from Fran, to CC and back again. Niles' head appeared over his shoulder, his eyes widening before he started nodding and smiling.

"So you two finally admitted it, huh?" he said, walking towards them.

CC raised her eyebrows, and saw Fran did the same. 'Finally?'

"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean." CC said, while moving aside so he could start putting the bags in the trunk with the driver.

"Sure. Keep your secrets. Just know that I am happy for you both. You deserve happiness, and you both look very happy." Niles nudged Fran, laughing.

That surprised CC even more. Not only had Niles apparently expected something like this to happen, he thought both of them deserved it. Her included. Maybe Niles didn't hate her as much as she had always thought. And she hadn't been as private as she had imagined.

Niles stepped back and elbowed Maxwell in the side. He looked at Niles confused, while he wildly gestured at Fran and CC.

"Uhm, yes, quite right. Happy. Deserve it. All good." He said, flustered.

CC laughed, Maxwell was never good with changes, and he was terrible at emotional moments. But maybe this was the only way he would accept it, when it was presented to him as a fact that everybody else had already accepted.

That evening, after some drinks with the family during which they kept most details close to their chest, they lay in Fran's bed together. CC had found her favorite spot again on her chest, playing with her Queens College shirt while Fran caressed her back.

"I think that went rather well."

"It did, thanks to Niles of all people. Although I do wonder what he saw in us that this came as no surprise to him."

"Maybe that time we were locked in the wine cellar together?" Fran shrugged.

"Maybe," she said, even though she wasn't quite sure that was it, "I'm just happy they know and seem to approve, although I think it will take some time for Maxwell to get used to it."

"Lucky for us his way of dealing with this is just to not deal with it."

CC laughed.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?"

"For showing me how good Christmas can be when you share it with someone you love."