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After I had talked to my mother I had to tell Sam too that I would accompany them to Oregon to see the place and to let them worry less but that I would return to him in the spring .
Sam was calm. He looked at me with an intensity that could cut right through my soul.
" And how are you going to return?" He asked finally, without any form of accusation in this tone . He seemed just curious and maybe even a little worried.
"Riding my horse of course ". I stretched my chin to make me higher . I would not step down. I had been too stubborn and also naive to think about that now. For me then just the moment was important. I didn't think about the consequences, as it seemed difficult enough by then to take a decision and defend it against any doubts, whether they were my own or that of the people surrounding me .
"All alone ?" He furrowed his brow . His worry became evident now .
"Do you want to say that I am not strong or brave enough for that ?"
He laughed , and took a few steps towards me, finally taking my hands into his. He smiled at me with that smile that seemed to conquer the whole world. Well, it certainly had conquered my world .
" I would never intend to say such a thing. You are a warrior. But not everything is up to strength. I think you ve seen that in your way through this land. Some things are about luck. Or being at the right place the right time. So if you really want to go , then I will accompany you. Just to make sure you 'll get my luck too. And if you still want to come back with me in spring then we'll come back here together."
I looked at him and couldn't believe what he was offering me. He wanted to go with me , stay with me , love me openly and in a territory full of strangers that would disapprove him and our way of living, full of people who would see him as the enemy and hate him. I couldn't believe god had send me another chance to be loved unconditionally. Probably it wasn't god but this land and I was grateful for it. But moreover , I wanted to take everything of what life had to give me. I did not care if luck went out , I would embrace the chances that were provided and deal later with the consequences. Life was short and I intended to make the most of it. So I took him up on his offer and afterwards we both loved each other under the stars. I dreamed of the adventures this journey would offer us and I was not afraid .