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Ches was never one to question what he really felt for Glam. Even when others seem to tease that they were boyfriends. He played it off saying something along the lines of, “Keep saying that until you actually have a friend to care for.” But recently, the idea got into his head.
One day in the evening, Glam stopped by his store.
“Ches… we need to talk.” The blonde closed the door behind him, looking around at the other customers that seemed to eye him. “Privately.”
“Ah… okay” Ches smiles awkwardly. Talks were always nerve-wracking; especially with Glam. The brunette couldn’t even read his expression half the time. He was that good at compacting his emotions and hiding them from the world. He was sure the facade was just to protect himself from anyone. From him.
“So… what do you want to talk about, martian?” Ches grinned, showing his gap-tooth. They were in the back room away from his register counter, after closing hours.
“Well, Vicky was wondering. Since we’re so close and all. What are we?” Glam fidgeted with his wristband.
“What do you mean, ‘what are we?’. We’re friend’s Glam, aren’t we?”
“See.. that’s what I thought too but… the more I remember us, the more I have my doubts that we are just ‘friends’” The blonde smiled. “Vicky suggests something… out of the ordinary.”
“Like what?”
“Queer-platonic?”
“Hah! Glam, you’re really funny.”
“No! I’m serious, Ches. You– I’ve never seen you in a romantic relationship ever.”
“So, what? Just because I don’t actively seek out a romantic relationship, doesn’t mean I don’t want one. I– You don’t even like sex half the time!”
“That’s a whole different attraction, Ches!” Glam flushed. “We’re talking about romanticism– not sexual! My sex life is not.. Of your concern.”
“Oh yeah? You lost your virginity at what… 20 something years old? That seems pretty-sad, Glam.”
“That’s normal, Ches! Having sex while being a teenager shouldn't be on anyone’s mind! They should just… focus on being a teen!”
“Well, okay then. If you say so… Why do you think we’re a ‘queer-platonic’ relationship, since you’re so sure about it.”
“We’re close… really close. We slept together, kissed–”
“See, we’re just friends with benefits!” Ches chuckled.
The blonde sighed, “Ches… I…I want you to think about us. All of those moments we had together. I want you to think about it, really think about it. Then maybe.. We can continue this conversation. If you still disagree then we won’t go further into it and we can call it quits!”
“I don’t know Glam… it’s kinda starting to sound like you're up in the loony bin again.” Ches rubbed his nape. “What’s so important about trying to figure out what we are anyway? I don’t think it should be all this important to you… to us. It isn’t to me anyway. We’re just really close friends. Sure, we slept in the same bed but friends do, do that! I think people would.. If they were under the same circumstances as we were, Glam. We lived in a trailer, my mother… wasn’t the best and you– You got disowned.” The brunette frowned at the last part. “But, I’ll think about it for you.”
Glam hummed, “Thank you, Ches. I’ll see you to it then” And just like that, Glam walked out of his store. Making the atmosphere tense around him. “I fucked it up already, didn’t I?” Ches sighed, putting his hands on his face to help soothe his nerves. The brunette thought a bit and dug deep into his mind. Trying to recall early memories he had with the blondie.
Did he even know what that label even meant? He wasn’t really sure what queer really meant. All he knew was that it was strange, uncommon and well… gay. Ches was sure he knew someone that could help… An idea popped into his head, he kept in touch with one his bandmates Lordi, after some time. It seemed strange that he would still consider talking to him, after what he had done in the past but it was only right, for Glam. Ches went to find his telephone and dialed a number.
A beep came…another beep, the third be-
“What?”
“Lordi… I need help”
“I’m not interested.”
“No, please. Hear me out. It involves Glam.”
“Oh! Why didn’t you say so? What’s going on with our paganini?”
Ches rolled his eyes, “Glam’s fine. He’s just… questioning our relationship.”
“Did he figure out he’s just a bit queer or something?”
“What? How long were you sitting on this information?”
“Since we were still in a band, Ches! Did you not have sex?”
“Have se… We didn’t have sex!”
“You guys didn’t?”
“No– What? What made you think I did him??”
“I uhm– You were guys making a racket in your room… Me and Bob wanted to check on Glam… until we heard…”
Ches could practically feel the embarrassment coming from the phone.
“Y’know what… nevermind. What is he saying?”
“He was saying something about… queer-platonic. Whatever that means.”
“Ahhhh…. are you guys?”
“See! I don't know! That’s why I'm calling you. I don’t know what that means.”
“Ahh, so you call the queer-looking guy for answers, huh? Don’t you have a phone or something.. Google.”
“No– I don’t really use the internet.” Ches laughed nervously.
Ches could hear a sigh from the other line, “In short-terms a queer-platonic relationship is a relationship where people have a deep emotional connection–or well connection in general. That wouldn’t necessarily be considered romantic or sexual. It’s like, you guys can still kiss, have intercourse, if you want. But think of it like a secret third thing.”
“Ah… that’s.. confusing”
“Why the hell are you asking me in the first place? Doesn’t Glam know since he’s the person who came up to you about it. Why not ask him?”
“Well I sort've ruined that chance. I mean— I don’t know. He seemed pretty disheartened when I kept turning his idea down. By a notch, anyway.”
“Good luck with that then. If that’s all i’m hanging up—"
“Wait!— Do you really think that we…have that kind of relationship?”
“It wouldn't surprise me, Ches. You guys were glued together, you lovebirds.” That was the last thing Lordi said before the other line hung up.
“Lordi? Lordi, you there?” Silence “Fuck, he hung up!” Ches groaned in frustration. Throwing down the receiver back on its counterpart.
He took Glam into consideration and thought about it, really thought about it.
—
“Why are you guys always together?” Lordi and Bob look at the pair. “Are you guys boyfriends or something?” They were all packing up their equipment and deciding to head back to their hotel rooms. Avoiding an afterparty due to Glam’s request.
“What no! We just… like each other’s company is all.” Ches said defensively.
“If you guys are dating, we won’t hate. We promise” Bob nervously chuckled.
Glam shut his guitar case closed, “We a–” “Wait until you actually have a friend to care for. Then maybe others will mistake you too, especially since you, Lordi, already look like one.” The brunette interrupted, forcefully grabbing Glam’s free arm and stomping to the direction of their hotel.
The strawberry blonde scoffed, “I do not!” He looked at Bob, “What the hell is up with him?!”
Bob shrugged.
*
“Sorry about that Glam. I honestly get annoyed when they do that. It’s like.. Why can’t we just be friends? Why can’t friend’s just be close and not get into some romantic relationship like that.”
“Yeah… uhm, you can let go now” Glam smiles
“Right, sorry.” Ches notices his still firm grip on the other arm and lets it go. “So… I’m going to go take a shit or whatever. See ya on the other side” The brunette goes into the bathroom and takes a moment to look at Glam before shutting the door.
*
“I think my shit clogged the toilet” The brunette laughed over the flushing sounds, walking out of the bathroom until he noticed the other man’s quiet behavior. “You okay, martian?”
“Yeah…” The blonde sighed, rubbing his wrist with a frown.
“You’ve been rubbing it a lot today, does it ache again?” Ches went over to sit with Glam on the bed.
”It does… but I don’t know it’s stupid.”
“What? C’mon tell me” The brunette nudged his shoulder.
After a bit of more persuasive nudging, Glam budges. “I was just wondering…What if… I stayed…Back at the mansion. Stayed on my medication, and just… be a good son.”
Ches frowned. “Glam, you weren’t happy there. You were…abused. You would be better off without them.” The brunette guided the other man to lay his head on the other musician's chest. Which led the blonde to be surprised. “You’re better here, Glam.”
Ches could hear the pushed down sobs, and started to pat the other man’s back. “I love you.”
The latter looked at him. “I…Not in a gay way, of course. Just… I love you as a friend, y’know? N-Nothing weird like that” The brunette quickly said, looking away from Glam.
“Hmm… I love you too, Ches.” The blonde smiled softly, finally letting himself cry.
Glam’s cry… Ches thought. Was like a cry that was just every emotion that was pushed down at once, coming back to shore and being set free.
And they sat there. Ches reassures Glam that he did the right thing by running away and waiting for the latter to fall asleep. Soon enough, the blonde did tire himself out into slumber. Leading to Ches gently fixing the blonde into a nice position, and putting the covers over him.
“I’m really glad you’re here.” Ches smiled, looking over at his sleeping friend. Impulsively, the brunette leaned down to kiss his friend goodnight.
It took a while for Ches to realize what he just did. It was about three A.M. when the brunette sat straight up in a cold sweat, his face flushed. “I fucking kissed him” He whispered, looking over at Glam’s side of the room. Observing how peacefully he was sleeping. His chest gently rising up and down.
“Oh man…”
—
“Ugh, you bitch!” Ches threw an empty glass bottle at the wall, scaring Glam. “It’s been three days!” He cried. “I need my drugs, Glam!”
“No, Ches. You need to detox. You’re… You are an addict!” Glam yelled back, bending over to pick up the glass shards. “You need to learn that you can’t just live on drugs.”
“And why the fuck not?! It helps me! It… it helps me” Ches grabbed Glam by the collar. “I can live on it just fine! You’re doing… I don’t fucking know …without your drugs.”
“Ches, those drugs are prescribed and for a reason… because I see things that aren’t there, I hear things and I notice things and they don't even help! You’ve helped me realize when those things aren’t real.”
“But these drugs are for a reason too! To make me feel better.” Ches yelled. “I’m hurting, Glam.”
“That’s all a part of detoxing and you’re doing great. This is just a bad day” Glam put his hand on Ches’s lifted arm. “The tremor’s are back.”
“So what? You’re the one doing this to me. You want me to quit.” Ches let‘s go of Glam’s collar.
“I’m sorry, Ches. But you know this is the right thing to do” Glam frowned.
“You’re bleeding.” Ches looks at Glam’s hand that had gripped the glass shards. “I’m sorry, Glam. Let me h-“
“No, I got it. You’re not feeling well, please. Go lay down on the bed and I’ll get something to help you.”
“Like…drugs?”
“hmm… something like that.”
“Heh, okay” Ches grinned, flopping himself on his bed. His whole body was covered in sweat and most likely smelled awful too. It was only day three that he began to withdraw from his daily drugs and it already turned south. He was beginning to think that, maybe Glam was right. He was addicted and worse… beginning to become like his mother; addicted. But he shook that thought out of his mind. He didn’t need to ponder about that. He has Glam.
After what seemed forever, Ches saw Glam hovering over him.
“I’m back” The blonde chirped. Holding what seems to be a pill and a cup of water. “An opiod… It’ll help with your pain and sweating.”
“I’m hoping for the illegal kind… Did you steal it?”
“Nope! It’s a good one. This lady was mortified to see my hand.” Glam raises his bandage covered palm, chuckling. “Your neighbor was kind enough to lend these to me. Here, take them”
Taking the opioid with his water, Ches sighed. “Thank you, Glam… I’m sorry. I don’t mean what I said to you.”
“I know,” He smiled. “This is just a bad day.”
“Heh. Right. I don’t deserve you. Look at you! You’re picking up after me. I’m just like my mother, throwing fucking bottles around and shit.” Ches frowned, fiddling with the cup in his hands. “Why do you do what you do? Why not just leave me to rot here?”
“Ches… You’re not like your mother… I care about you. I can’t just sit by and watch you kill yourself. I’m willing to help you with anything. Even this.”
The brunette laughed dryly, “You’re right, I’m sorry”
Ches gulped the rest of the water down, “Wait, don’t you have a date with that red-haired chick? What was her name again?”
“Victoria”
“Yeah, her. What’s up, she doesn't like you anymore?”
“Nope! I cancelled it. I had to check up on you, didn’t I?”
“Ah… my bad.”
“Feeling any better?” Glam grabbed the empty cup out of Ches’ putting it off to the side.
“Hm, yeah” The brunette rubbed his eyes.
“You’ll need to shower, you reek”
“Okay, boss,” Ches chuckled.
“I mean it. You smell awful”
“Don’t have to say it twice” He stood up and walked into the bathroom.
*
It was twenty-four hours later and Ches tried to sleep it off but it was hard when the pain started to come back again. He decided to call up Glam.
“C’mon, c’mon. Pick u-“
“Ches?”
“Thank fuck. It’s–uh.. It’s bad again.” The brunette fiddled with the telephone wire agitatedly. “I was wondering… which neighbor did you get that medicine from?”
“I’m going over there. Don’t do anything stupid.” Glam hung up.
The brunette let out a loud groan and he stared into the ceiling. He hated it. He wanted drugs but at the same time, he knew he was dependent on them to the point where he shouldn’t be. Suddenly he stood up and rushed to the toilet, puking up bile. Ches felt a hand rubbing his back.
When did Glam come here?
“Fuck… make a noise or something, will ya?” The brunette gasped and heaved again.
“My apologies. Maybe I should stay with you tonight?”
“Did you uh.. Did you get any medication?”
“I actually got you a bottle of painkillers. That way you don’t have to harass the neighbor.” Glam smiled, pushing back Ches’ hair while he was gripping the toilet bowl for dear life. “But first I’ll make you a drink.”
“Okay, mother hen…” He shakingly faced Glam, who had a weird look on his face.
“Don’t call me that.” He furrowed his eyebrows and Ches shrugged. Flushing the toilet that consisted of his bile, he waited for Glam’s drink.
“Here, ginger tea for your troubles” The blonde pressed the drink along with a pill against the other’s forehead.
“Thanks…” He choked out, gulping it and the pill in one sitting.
“Let’s get you to bed then” Glam lifted the other’s arm over his shoulder and lifted himself up. Slowly walking to his bed and putting the covers over him, until Ches grabbed him arm. “Stay with me, here.”
“Okay!” Glam chirped. “I’ll find something to sleep on the floor.”
“No. I mean here with me. On the bed”
“Ches, there’s only one bed in this studio apartment. There is a reason it’s called a studio.”
“And…? It’s not like we haven’t slept together before. Remember when you came to me like a wet soggy dog? Trust me. Sleeping on a carpet is hardly fun. Plus, I won’t do anything weird. You can hog the blanket for all I care with your bony ass.” Ches grinned.
“Fine. As long as you don’t do anything weird.”
The brunette scooted over to make room for Glam. Just like sleeping on any other single-sized bed, they were cramped next to each other. The silence felt suffocating until,
“I actually kinda missed this. Living together… However great living with a blondie gets.” Ches whispered, putting a side of his face on the latter’s shoulder. “Do you think I’ll still be able to be with you when you marry that one chick and have kids?”
Glam flushed, “Kids?... I don’t really plan on having them– sex doesn’t necessarily interest me. I’m not even sure if I’m fit to be a father.”
“Well, I didn’t say you had to make them. Adopt one or whatever. I don’t care. But would you… y’know still treat me like this?”
“You’re my friend, Ches. Why wouldn’t I?” Glam turns to look at the other man.
“I feel like… if you fall in love with this red-head girl, we won’t be as close anymore.” Ches frowns. “It’s a bit of a corny reason, I know.”
“It is, Ches… But, we’re not going to drift apart just because I met a lady. We’ll still be just as close as we’ve always been! If you want… If I somehow do have future children. You could be their surrogate uncle. Only if you want though.” Glam turned over to hug Ches.
“I… Of course. I’d love to” The brunette hugged Glam tighter, smiling.
He always appreciated the fresh smell of floral scents the other man had lingering, especially in times like these. The brunette took a huge whiff of it. “Could you… hum me a song?”
“Sure! Any preferences?” He said softly,
“Nah… sing whatever.”
Ches could feel the vibrations from the other man’s chest as his cheek was pressed against his sternum. The melody the blonde sang was sweet and tart just like a cherry pie. Gooey in the center, tender crust, a note of vanilla; It was perfect science. He was doing a wonderful falsetto as the tune was in the B flat major scale, and ended on an E flat. However, Ches could not recognize the melody. Figuring that Glam had improvised it, he sighed in relief. His tense muscles relaxed and now had a loose grip on the other man.
“Thanks man”
The two men stayed like that. Hugging each other and occasionally whispering some reassuring things to one another. It was just like all the bad things in life just lifted away.
But they both knew this was just temporary.
–
There were of course many more moments he could recall but it was the most Ches could vividly live in that really stuck with him. Maybe he was being too in denial. He did care about Glam and loved him a lot.. Probably more than anyone has ever besides Vicky.
Ches pondered for a while, only standing up to make himself a cup of green tea. They weren’t explicitly romantic. All of their moments were in a good friendly nature and so Ches took it upon himself to go visit his friend, to continue their discussion and better understand each other.
The brunette took a peaceful walk down to the family's house. It was pleasant knowing that the house did not have any neighbors or just surrounding houses that still stood. To where the neighbors wouldn’t complain about a middle-aged man crawling through someone's window. The man grunted as he slid open the window and climbed in. Noticing the time, the kids were probably at school. Which was a blessing.
Sure he liked his nephews, they both have their cons but he tolerates them at best. “Heyy, is anyone home?” His raspy voice echoed throughout the hall.
There was no answer given, so Ches continues to walk up to Glam’s study. Opening the door, he saw Glam looking down at some paperwork. Reading them with his glasses.
“Knock, Knock. Are you free?” Ches leaned on the door frame.
“Hm… in just a bit”
“Look— I thought about what you said and I’m willing to understand this term you’re using” The brunette walked over to Glam’s Desk. “I apologize for the way I acted back there.”
The blonde set down the paper that he held with his hand and took off his glasses. “Ches… It’s ok—“
“No, I mean it. I thought about it. The moments that I wish were mutual but… I realized that we might just be that secret third thing.”
“But it is mutual. Platonically speaking. Queer-platonic can be anything we desire… it’s just about mutual consent, concessions, and communication. Lordi told me.”
“Oh… Wait what, Lo…Lo—Lordi? I thought you said Vicky suggested it.” Ches stammered.
“I’m sorry for lying. Lordi told me to tell you Vicky suggested it. That way you’d listen, truly listen. I know how you ignore any accusations Lordi says.” Glam smiles.
“I should’ve known… that bastard.” Ches rolls his eyes. “Heh, when I was thinking… I realized something.”
“Hm?” Glam hummed in interest.
“You didn’t want sex or kids. What changed your mind?” Ches leaned his back more forward on the desk.
“Well… once I got close to Vicky. I was willing to take a big step in our relationship. For her” Glam looks away, smiling softer now. “I’m not repulsed by it. I just…never found my person until her”
“You never even had a serious relationship before her. I… I think you’re the only person I feel so strongly about. That sounds weird, huh? Saying it out loud like that…” Ches rubs at his neck awkwardly. “You’re right. I never really thought of anyone in a romantic sense… Sex is okay, I don't know what my opinion on it is right now. I mean, hell! I didn’t enjoy doing it the first time as a teen! But I'm not like you… I’d probably like a little blowie or two right about now.”
“I don’t need to know that, Ches.” Glam looked at Ches weirdly.
“What? We’re talking about sexual things.”
“It’s unnecessary to tell me. I hold no interest”
“Okay, martian. Where’s your wife anyway? You’re like the only person here”
“She’s out in the garage fixing her motorcycle.“ Glam stood up. “Do you want a drink?”
“Sure… got any liquor?”
“We only have beer. You know I don’t drink. My antipsychotics will increase the side effects and the risk of liver problems.” The pair of men walked out of the blonde’s office.
“Heh…Okay. Beer it is then.” Ches commented.
As they walked down to the room,
The brunette sat down in one of the chairs in front of the table. Taking the beer can that was handed to him.
“Thanks” Ches took a swig at it. “Feeling much better. Do you think she minds me taking a can of beer?”
“She will!” Glam sat across from him.
“Does she even know about the whole…” The brunette waved his hands around
“Yep!”
“Okay… I hope this doesn’t make it awkward for her” Ches awkwardly chuckled.
“It doesn’t. She understood.”
“Yeah, s’long you don’t steal him from me” Vicky came in, going into the refrigerator to grab a beer herself. “Damn. Get your own beer, will you, Ches?”
“Why hello, Vicky!” Glam chirped as Vicky came over to kiss Glam.
“Heh, no…You don’t have to worry about that. I won’t steal him.”
“Good because I still don’t really get it.”
“Me neither but… I have a nice comprehension” The brunette stood up, walking to the couple. Lifting Glam up from his seat. Ches hugged both of them.
“I’m glad we got this all figured out though. Love you guys” Ches smiled.
“Love you too ch—“ “This is weird” “es…”
“Yeah.” Ches immediately let go, clearing his throat. Looking away from them. “My bad”
Glam and Vicky looked at eachother seconds before bursting into laughter.
Vicky nudged Ches hard in the shoulder “Just messing around, you green rooster”
“Y’know that really sounds like a sex j—“ The brunette rubbed at his shoulder.
“Stop.” Glam chirps.
—
Just as told, Glam and Ches did remain just as close as they had been. Sometimes Glam would stop by Ches’ residence and spend a night there.
Glam would try to paint Ches’ nails and watch crappy horror movies. Tell the most interesting jokes
and just bask in each other’s comfort. Vicky didn’t mind any of it, she understood the boys had something special and wanted Glam to be happy.
Even so, the married couple spends everyday together lifelong. She could kiss him, massage his wrist when it occasionally aches, cuddle him, and make love.
Ches could do the same if he wanted too or if Glam wanted too. But it came down to what they wanted to make of their relationship. But they had their own boundaries, and acted just like they had been. The only difference between what they used to be like is that they now knew what they were.
They loved each other but never romantically or sexually and they can live with that.