Chapter Text
There were many things about loneliness both Rey and Ben Solo knew too well. In that wide galaxy that housed thousands and thousands of beings. Things that drifted their souls towards one another from the beginning, things that made them lean on that sensation like one would do for a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean.
There was something about the presence of the other that brought them peace. Something they could not quite name but that almost felt like home.
Not that Rey knew anything about home, not remembering what it was like to live in one. But something about being around Ben made her imagine that it was what home felt like.
✨
The moment Rey found herself on a new planet she felt out of place. Being rescued from malnourishment and dehydration at 11 from a junkyard planet called Jakku, Rey had a hard time adapting to anything different. The life she had fought to survive for years compared to what she had learned to be normal for kids her age almost felt like royalty.
Three satisfying meals a day, a soft and comfortable bed to call hers and water to bathe everyday if it was her desire was a lot to take in at first. It did not look like much for those who came from actual rich families. For those, the food lacked something, the room was not big enough and the showerhead could be stronger.
For Rey, it was paradise.
She gained her weight back in a few months, acquiring some curves her slim body had never seen before. Muscles appeared underneath the olive toned freckled skin as she trained to become a fighter, and her arms managed to hold more than just a few scraps. Now the toned legs took her lengths on the evergreen landscape that was so new and magnificent to her. Exploration and discipline became part of her as she adapted to that new life under the hawk eyes of her masters: Maz Kanata and Luke Skywalker.
Maz, a short woman that loved dressing in bright colors and had glasses so thick her eyes seemed to be twice as big, had the heart of gold. Being the one to spot Rey alone in the desert of her old home planet, she quickly ordered a nearby patrol to pick her up and take her to safety. It took a few days for Rey to realize she had only done that after seeing the young girl throw rocks at shady scrap dealers with just a flick of her fingers.
It was a power Rey had never considered to be special. For her, anyone could do what she did. Although untrained, her veins sparked with that energy inside her, one that had always been there, deep into her core, asleep for years until she felt the need to defend herself from strangers that tried robbing and assaulting her in the small cave she had found solace. She was too young to grasp exactly what they wanted, but her subconscious knew too well what to do.
With scratched arms, bruises on her legs and torso that never healed fully and ripped clothes she managed to salvage herself, Rey learned the hard way about the dark cruelty of the universe. One that did not care about helpless children and which only desire was to take advantage of them.
Nevertheless, her rescue was not taken lightly. She escaped for days until people in earth tone robes found her hiding in the depths of an old shipwreck. She fought her way inside their pristine silver and black starship, strong hands that held her arms mercilessly while voices insisted on her well-being. It took hours and an injection containing a tranquilizer for her to calm down and finally sleep in a well-made bed, understanding that wherever she was being taken to, it should be better than where she was before.
Rey - not known last name - was taken to an all-girls reformatory at first, a tall blue construction deep within the rich planet of Coruscant, a city that never seemed to sleep. Its bright lights and fast paced lifestyle stunned her at first, but soon she was used to the sounds that echoed outside the windows of her shared room.
For two years she was trained in combat, learned new skills and made friendships so easily that it almost felt like she hadn’t spent most of her childhood in an underdeveloped environment fending for herself. After the third year living amongst what she would consider her own, Rey was chosen to be transferred to a new hidden Jedi Temple located in Ossus, a terrestrial planet in the Adega System in the Outer Rim.
Recently built and powerfully protected, only a few dozen students had been transferred in secrecy for the past year. Boys and girls had been given their own small huts to live in around the large structure that housed the cafeteria, shower rooms and smaller entertainment areas such as subject focused classrooms, a shared meditation spot and other resting and studying areas.
The rooftop over the main property contained a greenhouse and vegetable garden cared for by droids that led directly to the kitchens. A loaded library was located on a slim tall building behind it and, to its right, a spacious training ground where the padawans had their instructionals and teachings almost every single day.
Rey got acquainted with the busy schedule quickly, adapting to whatever it had to be done and learning new skills as one drew breath. She built and mastered the use of her first lightsaber in just a few months, keeping it close to her at all times. The self-protection feeling that never left her core the one responsible for her keeping an eye open at night. It was on one of those nights that she officially met Ben.
It was past one in the morning. The entire place was silent, but through her wooden door she managed to hear the shuffling of the grass as someone passed in a hurry. A door closed loudly after a few seconds, making her jolt awake, heart hammering with the fright. She got up, not bothering to cover her sleeping tunic with a robe before silently pulling the door open and stepping outside.
The night was bright with a full moon, but cold and windy as winter approached. She wrapped both arms around herself and paced barefoot through the meadow, following the tracks left behind by a sneaky boy.
Her braided hair knocked softly on her back as she moved, bracing herself against the breeze while trying to remain silent. She followed him for a few minutes until they reached a stream. He was standing by the water, also barefoot, looking at the stars in the sky. Rey paused and found protection behind a large oak tree.
“Come out.” His voice gently demanded after a second, without looking back to where she was. Still, expecting he was talking to someone else, Rey looked around. But there were only the two of them outside at this hour.
She slowly stepped aside from hiding, arms crossed in front of her chest. Only then he turned to face her.
“What are you doing out here?” He dared to question, but she simply shrugged, rudely throwing the question back at him.
“I wanted to be alone.” He replied, facing the waters again. It rushed rhythmically and it was a soothing sound. One Rey was not used to.
She approached him against her best judgment, sitting on the grass by his side. It didn't take long for him to join her on the ground.
“You can't take a hint, can you?” He chuckled and their shoulders brushed slightly. Something other than the wind made her shiver.
“Maybe some company could do you good.” She suggested, and he scoffed.
“I like being alone.” He said, expecting Rey to finally understand he wished her to leave. But she stood her ground.
“I don't.” He hummed at that, looking straight ahead. Silence fell, but it wasn't awkward. For her, it was almost like the quietude around them begged to be interrupted. “It's quiet out here.”
The boy refrained from asking personal things about her, not wanting to delay her leaving, so he said nothing. Once again Rey ignored it.
“You're Ben, aren't you?”
He nodded. And even though it was weird to have a strange girl refer to him by his nickname, it also felt comforting. Like they knew each other already.
“I'm Rey.” She raised her hand for him to shake - something she had learned to be polite during those few years living in civilization.
“I know.” He responded, pretending she was not hopefully holding her fingers in his direction. With a shrug, she crossed her arms again.
She trembled under the moonlight. Feeling bad, Ben removed his shawl and placed it over her shoulders. The tips of his fingers touching the bare skin of her arms sent another chill down her spine.
“The scavenger.” He completed his train of thought, and her head cocked.
It hurt to be called that. Especially by someone who barely knew her. A sudden urge of defending herself came upon her. However, Rey closed her hands in fists by her ribcage and remained silent.
“It seems like you already know me too well.”
That comment made him blush and Rey bit away a smile, triumphant.
It became a recurrence for the entire year that followed. Whenever one of them would have a nightmare - which happened more often than any of them would admit -, they would knock on the other's door and they’d meet up by the stream. Even as the weather turned colder that routine persisted. They learned a few things about each other too, which made them understand one another better. And it was a good feeling, one they did not take for granted.
On a planet that never snowed, there wasn't a reason for them to find refuge somewhere else. The stream was their special spot, one no one else knew about. And the nights were their companions, the only moment they could be truly alone.
What they did not expect was the constant tropical rains.
It caught them by surprise one night. Sitting by the water, as usual, the sky was dark and heavy with clouds, but none of them were paying attention to the thundering echoing kilometres away. Rey was describing her most recent nightmare - a confusing mix of her life in Jakku and the terrors she had endured - as Ben listened attentively. When, out of nowhere, a downpour started to hit ahead of them, reaching where they were and drenching them in seconds.
Ben got up and pulled Rey with him, grabbing her hand and dragging her down the forest to their left. She let herself be taken, running and splashing water and mud on her legs and the hem of her night robe. It became darker and ominous out there, but Ben guided her blindly, knowing exactly where to go.
The storm increased and a thunder nearby made Rey grab Ben’s elbow and approach him. Suddenly, Ben stopped and she knocked her chest on his back, a huffing and annoyed sound leaving her shivering lips.
His skilled fingers worked through vines hanging from a rock until they found an opening. He urged her forward and they both stepped inside a dry and dark cavernous room. It was not much bigger than their own sleeping huts, but the height forced Ben to bend down considerably.
Confused, Rey watched as he kneeled on the floor and scrambled through a small pile of rocks where he pulled out some matches and lit a fire on the corner.
With the low light flickering on the rocky wall around them, Rey blinked a few times and took in the environment.
“What’s this place?”
“It's where I come to meditate.” He noticed the way her eyebrows lifted. “Why do you look like you’ve never done it?”
She bit away a corner smile, embarrassed. “ ‘Cause I haven't. Not outside Luke’s lessons anyways.”
Ben rolled his eyes playfully. “No wonder you have so many nightmares.”
She slapped his arm on the arm, astounded. “Hey! You have them too!”
“But I'm actually working on them.” He said with superiority.
Rey scoffed, annoyed. It was rare for them to have any type of discussion, however small. A completely foreign territory they danced around too well.
“My mind can't cope with meditation.” Rey shrugged, sitting down on the hard floor. Wearing leggings underneath the tunic this time she did not feel the cold go through just yet. However, her upper body still shivered underneath the robe. “It gets too busy.”
“That's why it's for.” Ben explained, rolling his eyes and kneeling in front of her. “Here, let’s try.”
She crossed her legs and he guided both her hands to her knees, a comfortable position despite the circumstances she found herself in.
“Keep your eyes closed.” He instructed as her eyelids fluttered open in curiosity. “You're safe.” Ben assured, covering the back of her palms with his.
The gesture was warm, intimate, making Rey immediately relax and sigh with content. For a few minutes the only sounds were their controlled breathings and the downpour outside. When she was about to open her mouth to say something he shushed her.
“Deep breaths.” Ben instructed, caressing her knuckles with the tips of his thumbs.
A profound quietude surrounded them like a bubble. The outside sounds muffled by some sort of peace foreign to both of them. Rey’s right eyelid blinkered open, peeking him. Ben had his eyes closed, mouth in a fine line as his focus was in emptying his mind. Rey took that opportunity to watch him like she had never been able to do before. The moles and freckles that dotted his face, the extensions of his eyelashes and how they trembled against his pale skin as his brows furrowed in concentration.
He inhaled deeply, mouth opening slightly. His tongue darted forward in order to wet his lips and she could not avoid but stare.
Rey wanted to kiss him.
It was a thought that had never occurred to her before. Ever. She had never kissed anyone. Never desired such intimacy. But with Ben… she wanted so much more. Her eyes closed again and she sighed, returning the attention to the present task. However, the thought of his mouth on hers, the need of experiencing that did not leave her mind.
Ben breathed her name like a prayer and gripped her fingers in his. Thunder reverberated outside as their eyes met, and it was almost like he could hear her thoughts. He leaned closer, scanning her expression and taking longer admiring her mouth, the same way she had done just before. Red tinted her apple bones as his breathing tickled her cheeks. Their noses brushed, his proximity slowly increasing. One of his hands climbed her shoulder and stopped at her jaw, tilting it up. Her breath caught in her throat as he said her name again, calling her back to the presente, back to him.
It felt like hours went by as he admired her. When his lips finally pressed on Rey’s, something bursted between them. A spark followed by butterflies in her stomach that burned inside her core. He leaned back, assessing her with worry. When she reached for him, wanting more, a rare smile appeared in his lips and he kissed her again, deeper and slower this time.
Rey unconsciously raised from her sitting position, getting on her knees to match his height. Ben’s hand that was not currently holding her face close to his gripped her waist, fingers digging over her clothes, burning places she had never been touched before.
She ached for more.
Ben smiled against her lips, foreheads resting together as he scattered small kisses to her lips and the corner of her mouth. Rey sighed, eyes still closed, plucking his tunic to keep him there, near her. He planted a kiss on her forehead and gently pushed her away. They both sat back on their heels, sudden embarrassment keeping their eyes to meet.
It was then their minds officially bridged for the first time. It was as clear as her voice, but deep inside his head. Rey was ecstatic, thoughts rushing like a stream as she silently begged for more. Vowing to give her what she needed, he pulled her face with both hands and kissed her again.
It was just like learning a new ability. Their teeth no longer clashed and their tongues met quicker, a known dance they had never rehearsed before but already knew by heart. She voiced something that sounded like a moan, and Ben accidentally bit her lower lip at that. He tasted her blood as she winced, her fingertip tracing the area that hurt. He apologized, substituting her digit with his then applying soft pressure with his lips.
Ben. He listened to her calling and responded loudly. Her eyes widened at the sudden shock of being heard, unable to speak.
It’s ok. He transmitted, brushing her jaw with his fingers. I feel it too.
Her wide eyes scanned his features, and he reached for her hands, gripping both between his. It was the assurance she needed. Pulling her closer, Ben tightened her small body in an embrace and let himself cry tears of happiness. Something he had never done before.
The rain did not give them the possibility to leave that night. Spending the next few hours unable to sleep, they talked. Rey finished telling him about her most recent nightmare and he hugged her through it, cradling her in his lap and rocking her body unconsciously.
When they felt silence again, he could swear she had fallen asleep. But then her hoarse voice spoke underneath the sound of the thunder. “Why do you never tell me about your nightmares?”
“I’ve told you about ‘em.”
“Not the worst ones.” A pause where she assessed him. A pout appeared on her lips. “I thought you trusted me. Don’t you?”
“I do…”
“What’s the problem, then?”
“They’re… too much.”
“I wanna know about ‘em.” A caress on the hand that’s been painfully gripping her sides until he released the pressure and relaxed. “Please, Ben. They can’t be as bad as mine.”
A sad smile rose on his lips, one she could not avoid but feel bad for. It was the smile of a boy who had been through terrible things and never spoken about them. And he was about to do it with her.
“Do you know who my grandfather was?”
She denied, frowning, looking up at him. He cradled her closer. Then, after a minute where he took a few deep breaths, Ben began sharing his family’s story and how the dark presence of his grandfather fueled his worst dreams.
✨
Ben told her practically everything. From the mysterious and sudden death of his grandmother, the cruel separation of his uncle and mother, the shady past his father carried, the dark reign his grandfather settled in the galaxy and the ultimate collapse of his family as his mother and father found themselves more and more distant from each other.
He even started to share the reasons why he had been sent to live and train with his uncle Luke at the temple when he heard a soft snoring coming from Rey. She had fallen asleep, undisturbed. And for that moment he settled in keeping more of his trauma from her. He held her close and let himself drift to an uncomfortable unconsciousness, resting his head on the rocky wall behind him.
For the first time in years they slept peacefully.