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It was way too cold outside for… anyone's liking, to be honest. Much less plants like me. I could hear the wind slam against the windows, snow outside piling up. Nonetheless, Ruby and I were sat next to each other, huddled up and under the covers.
Ruby and I always loved each other. Even through my rough times, even through her sugar crashes, we vowed to never leave each other. After everything FreeSmart put her through, seemingly brainwashing her, I've wanted nothing but for her to live a better life with anyone else. I'm so lucky that someone else is me; she's one of the most wonderful girls I've ever met.
Sharing moments of intimacy with her is my favorite; I need to show her how much I love her, how much I care. Light cuddling, intense cuddling, kisses, anything she could ask for is something I would give.
This was a perfect atmosphere for these moments of intimacy; under the covers, we lightly kissed, squeezing each other gently. Enough to send waves down my spine, instantly warranting a smile. It was bliss.
Then, she pulled away.
“Flower. It's. Them. They're back.”
Oh dear. Ruby had often had little voices - which she personified as people - in her head, reminding her of her past trauma and mistakes. They often came up in these moments of intimacy as well, often leading to their abrupt end. This never bothers me, as I only have one concern: her.
She's my everything. Of course she means more to me than some kisses! She always feels bad after, and I truly don't mind; her comfort and safety is the only concern I have in this life.
“Sweetie, what's wrong? What happened?”
She turned to me, her face bleeding pure terror, as she was only able to sputter out what was wrong. Or, at least, a request.
“You… you're not gonna try to make me part of an alliance, are you? You're not gonna take control like they did, right?”
The last competition Ruby had with FreeSmart had ended months ago, and this was still going through her mind. There was nothing but sympathy in my mind; how could I feel anything else?
“Of course not! I'm not even in any competitions to begin with right now!”
“Okay… I got worried again. Pencil is trying to make an alliance with other people again, and I feel like she'd recruit me again!”
Oh no, it had gotten to the point where possibilities that weren't even possible had entered her mind. This was an especially bad episode.
“Ruby, dear… you're not participating in anything with her! She has no idea where you are right now! It's okay!”
“But… I’ve tried to make alliances before, too. I've tried to get people to join me. How am I okay? Why do you like me?”
At times, I wished my hugs could just make her problems melt away. I just wanted her to feel happy, to not worry about a thing. Truth be told, I wasn't fond of Pencil myself; she had tried to get me to join her bullshit alliances and work with her before, and I almost fell for them. I don't blame Ruby for falling into the trap; it was a hard one to stay out of.
“Ruby, dear. Please listen to me. Just because you tried to make an alliance doesn't mean you're like Pencil. That's not even that bad. Pencil lied and manipulated. You're nothing like her!”
“But… I am. I did what she did… are you sure you don't see me as the worst gem ever?”
Normally, this is around the point where I begin to wrap my arms around her, squeeze as tight as I can, and assure her that she's never wronged me in the world.
“Of course not. Why would I see you like that?”
She just tilted her head towards me, tears welling up as she choked the words out.
“I'm. I'm horrible. I was too irresponsible to leave. I was too irresponsible to do anything right. I'm wasting all this time thinking about someone who abused me. I'm so awful.”
Pencil had really done some messed up things to her. I wanted to dull her right about then.
“It's hard to get over someone you think is important. Pencil made you believe she was important, and you got manipulated. It's not your fault, dear.”
“What if you're wrong? What if it was my fault?” She had turned her head towards the windows, wind still slamming against them. “What if the wind breaks the window open and sweeps you away?”
I looked at her, firmly snug and secure in the bed, and went to give her a kiss. That's when she stopped me.
“I don't want kissies any more… I'm not in the mood… I'm sorry…”
Sorry? What was she sorry for? Having a basic emotion radar and boundaries? I moved away from her, still keeping my arms around her lightly, but nothing that could cause serious intimacy.
“Stop apologizing! You haven't done anything wrong. You never did anything wrong. I promise.”
“But-”
“No buts. Be quiet, dear. Listen. The wind has calmed down a little bit.”
She listened for the now-calming wind and, by extension, also started calming down. Light breezes had always calmed her down.
“What if I pretended to be you? You're way more popular and better looking and not able to fall into those kinds of alliance traps. Like! Even on accident!”
The voices in her head had led her to some strange, but easily answerable places.
“You can't be me, sweetie. You look and sound nothing like me, and you're perfect the way you are. What's this about being better looking than you? As much as I appreciate it, you're so pretty and so amazing. Now. Be quiet. You need some rest.”
She smiled and leaned into me, but then the smile quickly faded as she seemed unsure once more.
“I don't know, Flower. About life. This has been the worst few years I've ever had. I know you're sick of hearing it, I'm sorry…”
She knew I would never be sick of listening to and helping her, and I'd felt nothing but genuine need to help.
“You never know what will happen in life. You never know when it'll rain so you can grow. That's why you always have a watering can ready. And for you? That's me.”
She had finally seemed at least a little content. She leaned back into me and softly started to whisper on me.
“Goodnight, Flower… I love… you…”
I was so happy. She was finally sleeping, able to get the rest she deserved, able to think about a new day, and able to feel safe and comfortable with me. That's the only thing I'd ever wanted.
“I love you too, dear.”