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One minute he and Eddie are standing in the kitchen in El Paso, drinking their first coffee of the day, talking in the same comfortable-uncomfortable dance they've been stuck in, Buck's thoughts a stew of choices that are still hanging in the air, what's going to happen next, and something that feels like grief. The next minute Buck watches Eddie go from some unknown determination, the look on his face when he's gearing up to do something that would terrify anyone else, to an expression of panic. As in, a panic attack. Fuck.
"Eddie, Eddie, listen to me." Buck wants to wrap him up in his arms so bad, to hold him together when he can't hold himself. "Eddie, I need you to breathe. Can you breathe for me? I'll do it with you. In for four, three, two—"
He never gets to one because Eddie grabs the front of his shirt in both hands and yanks him into a rough, messy kiss.
Buck immediately forgets anything exists outside of the feel of Eddie's mouth sliding across his own, demanding, hot and wet and nothing chaste about it. He groans into it, can't help it, his hands landing on Eddie's hips as he tilts his head just enough to make the angle perfect—
"Wait" Buck shoves Eddie back a step by his hips. Eddie lets him, expression startled. It takes Buck several long seconds to work through the sequence of 1) Eddie was having a panic attack, 2) Eddie kissed him, and 3) Eddie is no longer panicking. They were kissing. Why the hell did Buck stop him? The first thing that slips out of his mouth (tingling, lips still slick from Eddie's tongue) is "I didn't know kissing stopped panic attacks."
Eddie blinks a few times and then huffs a laugh. "I was panicking because I was afraid I wouldn't go through with it before you went back to L.A."
"Oh. Go through with the kissing?"
"Yeah"
"So you didn't have a reason to panic after—"
"Yeah"
Oh, well then. Buck yanks him back and fits his mouth to Eddie's again, bringing one hand up to the back of Eddie's neck to pull him even closer, the other hand sliding from his hip to his ass as he backs him up against the nearest wall. Time passes. They come up for air occasionally.
Eventually they end up clinging to each other on the couch because it's too soon to let go, piled up like a couple of puppies because a couch only has so much room. They trade kisses now and then, but mostly just talk. The talking isn't really "just" anything though — Buck's only in town for a couple of days and everything's mostly been a whirlwind so far. He'd seen Chris last night at least, but before that he'd gone straight to the airport after a sleepless shift so he'd passed out on Eddie's couch before he could do much else.
It's probably stupid to have flown down for 48 hours, but he doesn't care. He'd just really needed to see Eddie, to be in the same room with him.
"Chris is coming home," Eddie says quietly after a while, something deeply relieved wrapping around his words. Buck's heart starts beating faster and he has to take a deep breath to help blink back the tears. He doesn't have to ask if Eddie's sure, he can hear it in his voice.
"Has he said it?" It isn't doubt, he just wonders how deliberately Chris is making the decision. Eddie shakes his head, or rolls it anyway, and it's like a dam breaks loose.
"It's almost funny," Eddie says, "but when I first got here from L.A., I was watching my parents act like he's their kid instead of their grandkid again." Buck, a little angry, tightens his arms around Eddie's ribs, probably squeezing a little too hard. "And it's just. They're bad at it. Like, I know they're trying to get some kind of do-over and they love him, they're trying to give him everything, but they still don't know how to pay attention to what he actually needs. They love all of us, I know they do, but they're so sure they know what's right and, if we don't agree, then we're wrong."
"For me it was if I didn't toe the line of what they thought was the straight and narrow, then I was going to... I don't know. Something apocalyptic. Then later it became that I was going to destroy Chris. They've always been so sure they have to save me from myself. It didn't work out as bad for Adriana and Sophie, maybe I was just a needy kid, I don't know." Buck doesn't interrupt despite the words piling up in his throat. "With Chris, it's that he's going to hurt himself if he tries to do what mom especially thinks is too much, but they're so bad at seeing where that line is, at trusting him to figure a lot of it out. Because, of course, they already know and if you don't agree, you're wrong."
Buck starts running his fingers through Eddie's hair and Eddie pushes back into a little before going a little more boneless.
"When I was thinking about all that, I realized I'd started doing the same kind of thing after the blow up happened. I forgot how to be his father." Buck can't fully hold in the grumble. "No, not like loving him. Just. How to be what he needs. It's not about him forgiving me, it's not about who I want him to be, it's about giving him the best opportunity to figure it all out for himself. That's not something my parents are going to do, but I let them take him anyway. I let them keep him."
Buck rolls it around in his brain and concludes he doesn't actually disagree. Eddie'd spent months caught between all the ways his parents had beat down his trust in himself over the years, all of his other anxiety and insecurities, and how he desperately wanted Chris' forgiveness.
Buck had definitely had opinions about the way Eddie had been handling it all summer and fall, which he'd kept to himself because... Well, because. He's always careful about overstepping in that territory no matter how much he loves Chris, and Eddie wouldn't have been able to hear it anyway. If Buck hadn't been going totally out of his mind at the thought of Eddie leaving, at the reality of him being gone, he would have expected more of the same once Eddie got here. Haunting the edges of Chris' life, all but begging for scraps.
"It makes sense," he finally says. "So what did you do about it?"
Eddie snorts. "Mostly got over myself, remembered I had a spine, and used it. I'm still so fucking sorry and I want him to forgive me so bad, but those things are for me, not him. And it was traumatic, but so was the tsunami, so was Shannon dying, so was you having a goddamn pulmonary embolism right in front of him." Buck winces. "Those didn't feel like things I had any control over, so it was a lot easier to support him and get him help to process it. Me drowning in my guilt, me letting mom and dad take over because I was too scared of getting it wrong, none of that was what he needed then or what he needs now."
Buck smiles a little. It might have been the mention of the tsunami that reminded him, but he throws Eddie's own words back at him. He doesn't know if Eddie remembers the conversation, but they'd been what Eddie had said of himself, so maybe they'd at least be something he could accept. "You love him enough to keep trying."
"Yeah" Eddie burrows down between Buck and the couch a little more. "I had to think for a few days about what he needs now, needs in this situation. I talked to abuela, too, but I knew I had to make the decision because I'm his goddamn father and it was about time I started acting like it again."
Buck kisses the top of Eddie's head because that's what's in easy reach. "You know I think you're an amazing dad."
"Yeah, but I've never really believed it. It's pretty fucking ironic that as bad as things are, as much as I've fucked up in the last year... I actually believe it for the first time. We've raised an amazing kid, Buck, and he didn't get that way on accident."
Buck stares at the ceiling, his heart suddenly beating hard and fast. Eddie, who can't possibly miss it given he's lying sprawled over top of him, starts rubbing soothing circles on the center of his chest.
"I don't know why you're giving me any credit for it."
"Maybe because it's true?" He shifts over so he's more fully on top of Buck, propping his chin on his stacked hands so he can look Buck in the face. "There have been five people that have had a chance to be a big influence on that kid: Shannon, me, mom and dad, and you. The best parts of him are his joy and independence, his smartass attitude, his kindness and acceptance, and— and a thousand other things, but so little of it feels like my parents. It feels like Shannon, and you, and I hope some of me, too." He grins. "That's probably the attitude."
Buck chokes out a wet laugh. "Definitely some of you, Eddie, and more than just the attitude. A lot of you. Even if you can't see it, I can. But it wasn't me he ran to this time, it was your parents."
There's a long silence during which Buck assumes he'd made a good point until Eddie says, "Uh, that's because he thought you knew a lot more than you did. For a lot longer." Buck goes still. Oh shit.
"Don't worry! We got that cleared up pretty quick."
Buck starts breathing again.
"Part of me being a father was pushing him into a few conversations he wasn't happy to be having and I'd like to have had never. Gently pushing, but still. I didn't know until then."
Eddie goes quiet again after that while Buck thinks about uncomfortable conversations maybe making things better, about one particular uncomfortable conversation he's had recently that had hurt like hell at the time. About how Eddie had come up then and how he still has more questions than answers even if he has at least one big suspicion now.
******
He'd told Eddie what he was going to do. Eddie'd been a little surprised, a little concerned, until Buck had reassured him several times, but then he'd offered to leave to give Buck some privacy. Buck had turned him down and instead took himself out for coffee.
Hot, sugary, caffeinated beverage in hand for fortification, he finds a spot at an outside table far enough away from the door and anyone else that it feels at least a little private without making Buck feel like he's alone. Then he pulls out his phone and texts on shift?
After a few minutes, he gets back a completely neutral no.
can you talk? he asks, and gets back a yes, which is a relief after the effort of gearing himself up for it.
Tommy answers with a cautious, "Evan"
"Buck"
"Buck," he agrees.
"Did you know?"
"I'm going to need more words."
"About Eddie? About me and Eddie?"
"That Eddie is definitely not straight and you're in love with each other? Yeah, I did know that." It was tired, but gentle. Buck couldn't decide if that made it better or worse. "Please tell me this mean he's not staying in Texas."
"He's not. It shouldn't be too much longer before they're home. I'm in El Paso now, at least until tomorrow. Why didn't you say anything? Why did you... Why everything?"
"I didn't say anything because, despite how it might seem from the first time I kissed you, I'm not in the habit of outing people when they haven't even figured it out themselves yet. In my defense, you were definitely flirting and it was very cute."
"Okay, yeah, I am good at flirting."
"Why everything else... Because I did know about you and Eddie. It wasn't a hard equation from where I was standing. It sure as hell wasn't my attention you wanted that day on the basketball court, I was just a safe proxy. But I knew what I was getting into and got into it anyway. I thought..." He sighs.
"I thought it would be fun, that we'd have fun and then, eventually, you'd be the one to walk away once Eddie got his shit together. I was ready for that. But then I was falling in love with you and that wasn't something I was ready for."
Jesus christ, if it isn't that he's too clingy, that he's too much, it's that he's too lovable. He rolls his eyes even though Tommy can't see him. "That's the first time anyone's given that as a reason for leaving me. One for the record books."
"Yeah, well, your girlfriends have all been idiots."
"Including Abby?"
"Definitely including Abby. I'm not as forgiving as you are."
He leans back in the chair and exhales hard. "Okay, fine, so why always Evan? Why didn't you call me Buck?" It had thrown him when Tommy had called him Buck before he left. Like he'd missed some kind of obvious sign that things weren't what he thought they were.
There's a particular kind of silence that makes Buck pretty sure he can picture Tommy's expression. It's the the one where he isn't entirely comfortable with what he's going to say but he's not bailing out now. "In the beginning it was... Not pulling your pigtails. It was just that watching you all but pee on Eddie's shoes made it too tempting to not poke at you a little bit. Later, it was just distance. It reminded me that you weren't ever going to be mine to keep. Somehow I thought it would be enough, but it wasn't."
"When I left, I knew you'd have a soft place to land. I also knew I was going to rightfully catch hell. Have you ever had Howie genuinely mad at you? I don't recommend it."
Buck's startled by that. He can't imagine why Chim would've been mad and he hadn't said anything to Buck. But what he asks is, "Why do you call him Howie and not Chim? I never asked."
"Wow, we're covering everything." Buck has a knee-jerk feeling of embarrassment before it registers that it hadn't been sarcastic or exasperated the way it would have been with most other people. It had been amused, and a little fond, almost the same way Eddie would've said it. Fuck, he hates this.
"It's not a story for right now. Maybe someday. Point is, I heard Eddie had run off to El Paso and, I swear to god, I almost flew down just so I could shake some sense into him. I was so fucking mad. What even was the point if he was just—" He broke off. "There's not having it figured out and then there's moving back to fucking Texas."
"Wait, so breaking up with me was you being nice?" Buck asks, incredulous.
Tommy laughs, abrupt and a little harsh, and Buck barely has enough time to feel the spike of defensive hurt before Tommy just as abruptly cuts it off. "No, wait-- Sorry. I'm not laughing at you. The answer is no, it was not me being nice. I did it because I was falling for you and it hurt less to walk away right then compared to how much I knew it would hurt later." There's a pause. "I was trying... Hell, it doesn't matter what I was trying to do. I was fucking it up and I just couldn't do it. It was going to hurt too bad."
"I like you both, Buck. Damn sure I could fall in love with either of you, if we're throwing everything on the table. Maybe in another universe... It doesn't matter. It started out fun and now I've lost two friends because I'm a fucking idiot."
"I don't think you're a fucking idiot."
Tommy sighs again. "Of course you don't."
"...Eddie might, though. Sorry."
"God I hope so considering it's only been a few months. I just hope not forever."
"I don't think it will be. Someday you'll be able to bond over your mutual hatred of Taylor again."
"Ugh" There's the sound of angry disgruntlement over the line. "Taylor fucking Kelley."
He hangs up not long after that, at least in a better place than before the call even if the torn edges between them still feel ragged and tender. They'd decided that when they were all three ready, when the ragged eges were mostly scar tissue, they'd try being friends again. Buck wants that — almost more for Eddie than for himself. Tommy had been good for Eddie and it sucked that had fallen apart with everything else.
But that's next season or next year, it's not now. Now he just wants what, or rather who, he almost always does when something's been pressing down on old bruises. And, bonus, now there are a lot more options than there used to be of things to do with Eddie.
******
He opens the door to Eddie's (temporary!) house and barrels in, almost straight into Eddie himself, pulling him into a desperate kiss even as he's kicking the door closed behind him.
They surface for air and Eddie gets out, "Buck, what—"
"Don't wanna talk about it right now."
Buck reclaims the territory of Eddie's mouth and backs him up to the nearest wall, something deeply satisfying in being a shield between Eddie and the world. Then he gets one knee between Eddie's legs, pressing in and up to roll his hips and rub against Eddie's thigh. Eddie groans into the kiss, his hands dropping to Buck's ass to pull him in even harder.
Buck pulls back just enough to ask, "Can I blow you?"
"Holy fuck, uh. Y-yes? Yes. Yes, that's a thing you can do."
Buck grins at Eddie's stuttered permission and at the wild look in his eyes. Why hadn't they done this sooner? God, it was going to be fun.
"Bed. As entertaining as it would be to watch you try and fail to stay standing while I suck your brains out through your dick, stupid sex injuries aren't on the schedule for this trip."
"Oh my god" Eddie mutters as Buck pulls him toward the bedroom.
By the time Buck has him spread out on the bed and is working his fly open, Eddie's already started swearing in spanish. Buck only knows about half the words, but he's been sworn at in spanish enough, both in Peru and L.A., that he gets the gist. By the time he has Eddie's dick in his mouth and down his throat, the whole iron hard length of it, Eddie's slurring out something that's either a prayer or blasphemy. The sound of him falling apart completely makes the stretch of Buck's mouth around the girth of Eddie's dick even better.
It doesn't take long and that's not a surprise — whatever Eddie's usual stamina, it's been a while and his introduction to having gay sex seems to be going pretty damn well if Buck does say so himself. He pulls off, gently cleans up the bits of spilled mess, and crawls up to initiate an absolutely filthy kiss. Eddie's a whimpering puddle that can't catch his breath, but he's making a good effort at giving as much as he's getting.
Once Buck can't ignore his own insistent arousal any longer, he pulls back enough to ask, "Do you have lube?"
Eddie flops a hand back towards one of the nightstands, still gulping air, and Buck grins, more than a little proud of himself. Once he has the bottle in hand, he strips off his shirt and stretches out on his side next to Eddie before unfastening his pants and shoving them down far enough to take himself out. He props himself up his forearm so he can take in the scenery. Eddie rolls over at the pop of the lid, his eyes immediately falling to where Buck's started stroking himself with a grip too loose and slow to get him much of anywhere.
"What do you want? What can I do?"
Buck hums, enjoying the slow burn of the arousal and the feel of his dick in his hand. Eddie's still flushed with orgasm, eyes soft with satisfaction, pants still unfastened and his softened dick still shiny with spit. "You can keep lying there and looking pretty." That gets him Eddie's eyes on his face and a raised eyebrow, grin tipping up one corner of his mouth.
Buck blatantly trails his eyes down Eddie's body. "Shirt off though, it's hiding too much of the view."
"Jesus," Eddie mutters, sounding amused, but he sits up enough to pull his shirt off and toss it to the side. Then, apparently deciding he might as well, wriggles around enough to strip off his pants and boxers too. "Better?" he asks, lying back down on his side, eyes falling hot and interested back to the movement of Buck's hand.
"Yeah," Buck says, his voice gone hoarse. "God, yeah, it's so fucking good just looking at you. Spread out like a goddamn feast. I'm going to turn you inside out with so many orgasms."
"Big promise" Eddie sounds breathless again and Buck looks up at his face, smugly noting the way his pupils are a little blown almost like he's on the good drugs.
"How—" Eddie has to clear his throat, "How do you plan on doing that?"
"With these big gay revelations, have you watched any porn? The kind with guys on guys?"
Eddie makes a strangled noise and Buck's sure he would be scarlet if he weren't already flushed. "Uh. Some."
Oh, he will be asking about that later. "Then you know at least some of the possibilities. Chances are, if you can imagine it, I'm at least up for trying it." He winks at Eddie, tightening up his grip just a little but keeping his strokes slow. "And I may already be damn good at it." There's a lot of things he regrets about Buck 1.0, but not all the practice he's had at making a partner feel good. Regardless of gender, which. It's been pointed out to him that he's a goddamn idiot who should've figured out the bisexual thing a lot sooner.
Eddie, imagination apparently working just fine, has let his mouth has drop open a little, heavy breathing audible even over the sloppy wet noise of skin against skin with lube in between.
"Suck on a couple of your fingers," Buck says, "get them wet." Eddie does, eyes going a little unfocused. "Mmm, yeah, like that. Now play with one of your nipples for me since my hands are occupied."
He does, smearing the spit over one hard nub, then circling it before tweaking with his with thumb and forefinger. Buck doesn't know if the shudder is from the sensation or from being told to do it while on display.
"Do you like having your nipples played with? I do. I love it. You could probably get me off just by sucking on them. We should definitely try that sometime." Eddie groans, his cock giving an interested twitch despite having gotten off so recently. "I can't wait to put my mouth all over you, especially your goddamn ass. Apparently there are people who don't think your ass is amazing just because you're a guy and I don't get that at all. I want to bury my face in it, eat you out until you've forgotten your own name. If you're up for trying it, I really want to watch my fingers sliding in and out of you after I've got you all wet and loose with my mouth. If you let me fuck you, I'm not gonna last, not the first time anyway, just from watching my dick slide in and out of your perfect ass. I know for sure I want you to fuck me, wanna ride you while you lose your entire mind at how it feels."
Eddie collapses backward and stares at the ceiling, pushing two fingers of his other hand in his mouth before using them to play with his other nipple, his eyes fluttering closed. It does a lot for Buck and he tightens his grip a little more. "Does that feel good?" he asks, voice a little wrecked. "It looks like it does, god, your face."
Eddie's dick is making an impressive effort too, all considered. It's almost half hard and, in Buck's informed opinion, mouth watering. He wants to suck on it, keep it warm and tender in his mouth while Eddie recovers. God, that sounds so good. Keep Eddie in bed all day someday, seeing how many times he can get him off, how long he can make each round last, licking and sucking on him in between sex and naps. Buck's own one day orgasm record is respectably high, but he was 22 at the time, and he would be very surprised if either of them could get there now. Still, it would be very fun.
"What else?" Eddie asks, panting a little. Looking down at his own chest and pushing his pecs together like he's making all kinds of new discoveries about his body. "What else do you want to do?"
"Get my mouth on your dick as often as you'll let me for sure," Buck says, tightening his hand down for real, jacking himself at just the right speed. The heat is gathering in his spine, his balls tightening up, the oncoming orgasm past the point of stopping it even if he wanted to. "Just, just-- fuck-- Just touch you, kiss you--"
He spills over his hand with a loud groan, body curling inward with the release.
It takes a while for either of them to be willing to move enough to do any clean-up. They do eventually, though, Eddie pretending his dick isn't stubbornly still half hard. When Eddie goes to change the sheets, Buck stops him and leaves to retrieve his laptop from the living room. He resettles on the bed when he returns, his back against the headboard. Once he has Eddie between his legs and leaning back against his chest, he opens the laptop and navigates to his own gay porn favorites.
When Eddie realizes what Buck is doing, he lets out a quiet little squeak. It's very cute. Buck would bet his dick is interested too, but the pillow to hold the laptop is hiding it so he can't tell for sure. Once things get going on screen, Buck slides his hand down under the pillow to fondle Eddie's dick — which, yeah, is definitely more than half hard now. Eddie himself is staring with rapt fascination at the two guys on screen, one face fucking the other and not being at all gentle about it.
"I want you to do that to me eventually," he says in Eddie's ear. "Put me on my knees and use my mouth, hand tight in my hair so I can only do what you want me to." Eddie whimpers. Buck is so impressed with himself right now. "Do you like me touching you like this while you watch?" He doesn't have a lot of leverage, but he pushes forward enough to make it even more obvious how his own cock is stiffening against Eddie's (spectacular) ass. "I do, I love touching you while you get harder in my hand." He slides his other hand under the pillow cradle Eddie's balls without letting go of his dick. "Love watching you while you watch the screen, love playing with you while you do it."
Pretty impressively, they make it through 2.5 videos before it's too much for Buck to ignore his very hard dick sandwiched between he and Eddie. He fumbles for the lube in the sheets, then leans back enough to slick himself up before pulling Eddie even more firmly back against him by the hips. He ruts against Eddie's (perfect) ass, sliding in his snug crack, close enough to be rubbing over Eddie's hole. On screen, the two guys have started fucking and the sounds are obscene. When Buck comes, he's pressed tight against Eddie's back.
Eddie had tossed the laptop and pillow to the side at some point while Buck was distracted. He'd also brought his knees up, thighs spread wide, and his dick is now totally on board with another orgasm. Buck runs a finger through the mess on Eddie's lower back with his lube free hand and presses it up against Eddie's mouth. Eddie sucks it in eagerly, sucks the whole finger in and does some really interesting things with his tongue that Buck really hopes he gets to feel on his dick someday.
Eddie grumbles a little when Buck pulls his finger out, but his attitude improves considerably when Buck retrieves the lube. Then he swipes a hand through the mess between them so it's a mix of come and lube to slick the way when he wraps a hand around Eddie's dick. The guys onscreen are fucking again and he jacks Eddie in time to the thrusting.
When Eddie finally comes, it's beautiful — his head thrown back, spine arched, calves tightening inward but held apart by Buck's knees. He sags down after, chest heaving, eyes closed, his body a dead weight on Buck's. The noises from the laptop haven't gotten any more innocent and, after a couple of minutes, Eddie groans.
"Please stop the video. I can't possibly get it up again, but it isn't exactly turning me off."
Buck snorts in amusement and wipes a hand clean enough to shut it off.
They manage to get the worst of the mess cleaned up, but then collapse back together, just more horizontal, before making it any further.
"Fun?" Buck asks, nuzzling behind Eddie's ear and sounding every bit as smug as he feels.
"Fucking hell, I think you might have killed me."
A laugh rumbles through Buck's chest even if he doesn't let it out. "Oh, we're just getting started."
Eddie tries to make some kind of shocked noise but ends up fucking giggling halfway through.
***
"...Okay, wait. You thought sucking dick was something straight guys enjoy doing?"
"Look, Buck 1.0—"
"Not judging! Just, y'know, clarifying."
***
"You were going to buy a house here, you asshole."
"It was a perfectly reasonable overreaction to the situation!"
***
They lie there and talk for a while, bodies slowly cooling, until they finally get up and change the sheets, taking showers rather than doing another haphazard cleanup. Then they put on t-shirts and boxers and crawl right back into bed for naps. It's a little past mid-afternoon when they wake up, just lying there for a while, spooned up together, too comfortable to move just yet.
"That was an impressive distraction, and I'm definitely not complaining, but I'm not sure what it means for how your phone call went."
"It wasn't trying to distract you, not like that. I just wanted to feel good and I realized I could make you feel good, too." He shrugs as much as he can while lying down and plastered to Eddie. "The call was a good idea and I'm fine. I'll tell you about it later, even if it's by phone when I'm back in L.A. It could be a long conversation and I don't want to spend the little time I'm here on it."
Eddie's reassured enough that he lets it drop. "I called my captain while you were gone, let him know it'd only be a couple more weeks. Then I called Bobby. I'll have a few days to unpack before our first shift."
Buck smiles against the back of his neck, feeling like there's something fundamentally right with the universe again. "You're very sure."
"I am."
"Bobby never even took your gear off the racks. Maybe because Ravi already had a spot waiting, but I don't think so."
"He said we're keeping him, so that's good."
"Yeah." Then he laughs. "He's put up with so much shit from us at this point that I think we can consider him fully house broken."
"From us? I never chased him with a chainsaw."
Buck just hums happily into Eddie's neck, too giddy to be drawn into quibbling.
"Called Chris' schools here and in L.A., too, so I know what his options are for the second half of the year. I'll let him pick if he wants to do zoom with the school here or switch curriculums halfway through to L.A. but be in person."
"The social butterfly's gonna pick L.A."
"That's what I figure."
"So when does Chris get let in on these plans?"
Eddie laughs. "Tonight. Figured we'd drive over to my parents'..." He leaned up just enough to check the alarm clock readout. "Uh, soon actually. I assume that's okay with you?"
"Safe assumption, yeah."
******
Buck kills the truck engine and they sit in the elder Diaz' driveway, neither moving to get out. Eddie looks at the house while Buck looks at him.
"I'm thinking family therapy for me and Chris when we get back, to work through things together. Pretty sure you're not implicated in my stupidity, so you get to skip it unless I need someone to hold my hand."
Buck's a little surprised. "You hate therapy. I have heard so much about how awful it is. You like it as much as you like physical therapy."
A smile comes and goes across Eddie's mouth. "Chris doesn't hate it, and it helped him a lot after the tsunami, and after Shannon died. For him, I'll do it, and try to be as honest as I can. I'll do anything if it helps me disarm the land mines we're still trying not to step on. If it makes it easier for him to process." He tears his eyes away from the house and looks over at Buck. Eddie's always so fucking gorgeous, but like this — peaceful, actually happy — he takes Buck's breath away.
"I forgot that it used to be just me and him against the world. We have you, too, now. It's different. But back when we first left for L.A., I had no fucking clue what I was doing, I just knew we had to go, and Chris was so fucking brave about leaving the only place he'd ever known." He was quiet for a minute. "I don't think I would've actually left if not for how excited he was about it. Or, if I did manage to, I might have ended up right back here, which would have been even worse."
The silence stretches before Eddie says softly, "God I love that kid."
By now, Helena, Ramon, and Chris are all on the porch, which feels weirdly charged. He knows they don't usually stand on ceremony.
Eddie pops the door handle but, before he can open it, Buck asks, "What are you going to say?" Eddie just shrugs and looks over at him with a bit of a smile still in the edges of his mouth and the corners of his eyes.
"No idea. I'll figure it out as I go."
Buck's at his back as Eddie walks away from the truck. On the porch, Chris doesn't look any kind of angry, he just looks... neutral. His attention entirely focused on his dad, waiting like he has hope but doesn't know how this is going to go.
Helena's hovering over him, wordlessly fretting, protective hand on Chris' shoulder, but Eddie ignores her entirely. Buck's pretty proud of him for that, for the way he stands tall but not rigid, for the serenity in his expression. He's not sure he should be proud of Chris for ignoring his grandmother just as completely in that moment, but he is.
Stopping in front of him, close to eye level with just the height of the porch Chris is standing on to make up the difference (Buck is never going to get used to him as tall), Eddie says nonsensically, "I was thinking about taking another trip." The words come out with a kind of joy filled gravity. "And I was wondering... If you wanted to come with me."
Chris hesitates, but while he hesitates he straightens a little with a look of almost relief. "Together?" he finally asks.
A smile blooms across Eddie's face like the sun rising. "Together"
******
After that, Eddie had told to his parents that he and Buck were going to Isabel's for tamales. That was news to Buck, but it was up in the air if Eddie had already had it planned or he was spontaneously luring Chris out like a stray cat.
Chris, undoubtedly aware of the hook, had taken the bait anyway and announced they weren't going without him. Eddie had looked amused when he'd turned around to follow Chris to the truck, half-assed waving to his parents over his shoulder and telling them bye with pointedly zero other information. It had taken effort not to laugh, but Buck had managed to just get back in the truck and start it.
Whatever Eddie had said at his parents' about a trip was apparently code Chris understood and he'd asked on the drive when they were moving back. Eddie gave him a couple of options — fly back with Buck and stay with him until Eddie got back to L.A. or ride with Eddie once he'd finished his scheduled shifts and packed, which would be a couple of weeks.
That had been what broke Buck — the confirmation they'd both be back in L.A. with him in no time at all. He'd had to pull over for a few minutes so he could put his head down on the steering wheel and get the shaking under control while Eddie rubbed at his back. They'd both kept talking, working out details, and thankfully not said anything about his mini nervous breakdown even after he'd resumed driving.
Now they're in Isabel's kitchen, Buck put to work on assistant chef duties because they apparently couldn't live on tamales alone. Buck suspects it's as much about having food to send home with Eddie as anything else. Eddie himself has been banned from helping but is sprawled in a chair at the table, fine with being waited on like a prince. Chris had disappeared into the living room almost as soon as they'd arrived, Spanish starting to spill from the television. He'd gone head down in his phone shortly after Eddie gave him the options of when to leave and barely emerged since. Buck suspects he's texting El Paso friends that he's leaving and making plans with L.A. friends.
Eddie tells her that they're leaving in two weeks and she beams. "I'll miss you both, but I'm glad." She nods toward the living room. "I wondered what had him so distracted. He's making plans."
"Yeah, and making a decision. We talked actual plans on the way over and I'm here for two more weeks, but he could fly back with Buck tomorrow. I'll be surprised if that's what he picks, though."
"So will I," Buck says. "Not that I wouldn't love having him back sooner, but I'm okay with waiting a couple of weeks."
"Wow, your object permanence is really improving," Eddie teases and Buck mock glares at him.
Then Eddie says abruptly, "Abuela, do I have to tell you I'm gay? Or— or something else probably. Not straight."
She huffs a laugh, stopping to wipe her hands and go over to drop a kiss on the top of his head. "Eddito, I was beginning to think I was going to have to tell you."
Eddie rolls his eyes but doesn't smother his smile.
"Does this mean your tía Pepa can set you up with men now?"
He flicks his eyes to Buck and back, quick as anything. "No"
She laughs again, a little louder this time, and says "Good." Then she stops and tugs Buck's head down low enough to kiss his cheek. Buck's face is hot and he has to focus on the cutting board so his smile doesn't spin entirely out of control from the giddy, bubbly feeling in his chest.
******
Chris had, unsurprisingly, decided on staying until Eddie drove back to L.A., mostly because he wanted to say a proper goodbyes to his El Paso friends. Buck really is okay with it. Not paranoid, at any rate, that they'll both change their minds as soon as they're out of his sight. It'll give him the chance to make sure the house is ready (as if it needs anything done), restock the fridge and cupboards, and plan a welcome home party with Hen. Probably cry on his sister's shoulder, too, and then on Bobby's.
In the more immediate future, it doesn't take long for Chris to decide on his grandparents' when given the option of that or staying with Buck and Eddie tonight. Regardless of their flaws, Chris does love his grandparents and they've never been the kind of hard on him that they've always been on Eddie. He says he wants to get in what he can before they're two states away again. Eddie seems fine with that, which only surprises Buck a little.
They let themselves into the house and Eddie goes to find his parents to break the news of their departure schedule, but Chris lingers near the door. Buck waits.
"Is there going to be yelling?" he asks, even though Buck knows he already knows the answer to that.
Buck shrugs. "Probably some. Put on headphones."
Chris rolls his eyes (so much like Eddie) and heads to his room. Buck goes to see if Eddie needs his support, or hell, needs him to do some yelling on his behalf. He's up for whichever way it goes.
Eddie, it turns out, is doing just fine. Helena does have her voice raised a little, telling Eddie how he isn't ready to take care of Chris, how irresponsible and misguided he's being by thinking he is, how Chris is too important for him to screw up again like he has so many times before, all the ways it would be bad for him to leave now, and the list goes on. Ramon, who Buck's pretty sure has seen the writing on the wall, looks like he'd like to be playing peacemaker but doesn't know how.
Eddie, though, Eddie doesn't yield. This is an Eddie that Buck knows, the one that's rock solid in the middle of an inferno, but it's also one he's seen a lot less of since Chris left. He's not arguing with his mom, just waiting her out with his shoulders loose, sprawled in one of their kitchen chairs the same as he'd been at Isabel's.
When she finally winds down and he does speak, it's to say, "It's not your decision, Mom, because I'm his father and I'll do what I think is best for him." He smiles a little. "And yeah, you're my parent, but I'm not 14 years old."
Helena does not look happy about that and it occurs to Buck that she's who Eddie got his stubbornness from.
"I gave him the option of flying back with Buck tomorrow, but he decided he wants to ride back with me in a couple of weeks so he can say goodbye to his friends here and spend more time with you before we're two states away again. I'm good with that. Buck and I will have plenty of time with him after we're back in L.A." Buck keeps a straight face despite suddenly being included in the conversation.
Helena's still trying to stare Eddie down but Ramon looks over at Buck consideringly and it's clear that he, at least, has figured out exactly who they are to each other. How close Buck's standing behind Eddie's chair, only a couple inches at most, probably gives some of it away (this was what they always did, though, and no one at the 118 would have blinked; he forgets that not everyone is used to it). Ramon doesn't look mad though, or anything negative, which is almost a surprise. It's a surprise Buck'll take.
******
They go to say goodnight to Chris before they leave and Chris squints at them suspiciously. "I didn't hear any real yelling."
"Sorry, mijo," Eddie drawls, "would you like me to go back down there and fix that? Pretty sure Mom'll take the bait without much effort."
Chris rolls his eyes again.
They make plans for lunch the next day — Sunday — before Buck leaves. It's also Eddie's last free day before his next shift, so Chris'll bring his books and do his homework at Eddie's after they drop Buck at the airport.
Eddie laughs when Chris makes the suggestion. "You just don't want your abuelo explaining algebra again." Chris groans and Buck looks over at Eddie, puzzled.
Eddie just shakes his head. "Dad knows way too much math and it turns out that his explanations are not exactly at a grade appropriate level."
"And if he sees me doing it, he will explain. It's terrible. I seriously think he's making up imaginary numbers and I still have no idea what equilibrium equations are."
******
After a quiet drive through the dark, they wind up in the kitchen again, the temporary one that will only be Eddie's kitchen for two more weeks. They have tea this time instead of coffee and it feels like Eddie kissing him happened at least a week ago. Maybe a month.
"Well this has been a hell of a day," Buck says and Eddie smiles and nods.
"Yeah, and we've had some doozies. I think this is one my favorites."
Buck steps closer, sitting his tea on the counter so he can put both hands on Eddie's waist, press his nose into Eddie's hair, and drag their late night scruff together. "I'm glad you kissed me even if it took a panic attack to do it."
"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"
Buck grins. "Nope."
Eddie slides one hand under Buck's arm and around him, but keeps drinking his tea. He feels calm, in a way Buck doesn't know that he's ever seen, or at least not for a long time.
"Happy looks good on you," he says, pulling back a little so he can look at Eddie's face again, soak it up enough to last him two weeks without having it in person.
Eddie flushes a little. It's always so easy to bring some color to his cheeks and Buck loves it.
"Move in with us," Eddie says suddenly. "I don't remember when your lease is up, but move in with us now. Sublet the damn thing."
Buck laughs. "Do I get to tell everyone you asked me to move in 14 hours after our first kiss?"
"Okay, one, I think anyone who knows both of us will agree it's already been forever. Pretty sure there are multiple bets involved. Two, depends on whether or not you say yes."
Buck steals the mug of tea and sits it on the counter so it's not in danger when he kisses Eddie. After a few minutes of everything being very quiet, of exploring Eddie's mouth with his own and enjoying the feel of Eddie's body in his arms, he pulls back and says, "Yes, you dumbass. Of course yes." and Eddie laughs before pulling him back in for another kiss.