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She hugged me back, like she always did.
Despite everything that I was.
She still embraced me.
“I love you. You're so very important to me.”
“Yo… You…”
“I mean it, firefly.”
I gripped her figure in reply, pushing my whole body against hers, as if I wanted us to melt into one.
“A-and I'm not useless…?”
“Of course you're not. You've been such a big help towards all of us, you know? Even if the others don't want to acknowledge it, life has been easier with you.”
Tears prickled my eyes, staining her trench coat. How careless of me.
“You’re not a burden. You're worth taking care of.”
I slowly raised my head, trying to stammer out an apology. “I- I’m sorry I… came in while you.. you were working… I'm..”
“Hush, hush…” She took her left hand to rub the back of my head.
Her touch was soothing. A comfort, a pleasure, a piece of heaven, a sinner like I did not earn. Yet she gifted me with her physical intimacy regardless.
“You can come in anytime you need to. I'll be here for you.”
“I- I love you… Libraria…”
“I love you too, firefly.”
We sat there, on her bed, for who knows how long. It wouldn't be enough time for me, anyway. My selfish self longed for her touch.
“Are you better now?”
I nodded, slowly. She was going to leave me.
“You can stay here with me. I'll tuck you in when I'm done, okay?”
I nodded again.
She loosened her mask just enough to lift it up beyond her lips. She plants a soft kiss on my forehead.
I whimper pathetically from the gesture.
She fastened her mask back on. “Love you.”
“Love you too…”
She stood up and went back to her desk, looking over whatever papers she had to read and sort and sign. My eyes followed her and stared.
Nothing else mattered but her.
I didn't want to think about anything else but her.
She was the light of my life, truly, the purest and kindest angel God could ever bestow unto this Earth.
Of course her will would be tested, and she barely preserves. Just barely.
A thread that doesn't want to snap.
This is my purpose.
I can't allow despair to overcome her.
I can't allow her radiant smile to wither, her shining halo to shatter.
I can't allow her to let herself succumb to all that's plaguing her mind.
Before I knew it, she was done. Her pen set down; chair pushed out so she could stretch her muscles from the mundane monotonous work.
She turned around and faced me, I was sure a smile bloomed on her visage once she caught the sight of me, as the outer edges of her eyes were raised.
“Would you like me to tuck you in, now?”
I nodded, “Thank you.”
“Anything for you to be comfortable.”
I crawled to the right of the bed, where the duvet had been flipped to the left side, exposing the mattress. I laid on my right, looking up at Libraria.
She pulled the duvet over me, smoothing it over.
The belts of her mask loosened, she slipped it off to allow me a full view of her warm smile.
I smiled back.
She planted a kiss on my forehead. “Goodnight, firefly. I'll get into bed soon, okay? Sleep well.”
“Goodnight, m… Libraria.”
I hope she didn't hear that part.
I closed my eyes. Her hand was stroking my head. I leaned into the touch shamelessly.
It's hard to stay awake when everything feels okay. Like I don't have to be scared of anything. That I'm safe. Not that I could stay awake for more than a few minutes in bed when I intend to sleep.
This all felt like a fantasy. I was fading away from the worries of reality by the second.
“Sweet dreams, my firefly…”
I'm aware of myself. I have awoken. I already missed being ignorant to my own existence within the world of unconsciousness.
I'm hugging someone. Who?
Her. It's her embrace.
My head was in the crook of her neck. Was she comfortable like this?
It was hard to parse her expression with her sheep sleeping mask on. She seemed content. I hoped so. I wanted her to be comfortable, too.
It was probably some early hour in the morning. I liked getting up early, but I'd rather not leave this. Not when I can still feel her physical evidence of loving me.
I already feel sleepy again.
I hope I see her in my dreams.
I hope she smiles and laughs with me.
I hope she glows with joy when she spend time with me.
Everything is fine in this moment.