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August's life is perfectly orderly until he opens the door to his neighbor. His neighbor is tall and hunky, and tells August he needs to borrow eggs. Or sugar. He isn't sure, which confuses August.
“Anyway, I’m Jude, from apartment 4B,” he tells August. His hand digs through his hair, his bicep flexing beneath the t-shirt sleeve as he does. “I think I’m supposed to be making a cake.”
“I’m afraid I haven’t got any eggs or sugar,” August says, but the neighbor is already peering inside his apartment.
“It's for my–” Then Jude notices the mountain bike. “Is that yours, dude?”
August shakes his head. The bike is his sister’s, who starts more hobbies than anyone reasonably should, and then stores away her old hobby gear with August. As if he is running a warehouse.
“That’s so cool,” Jude says, and then suddenly he is inside August’s apartment, looking over the bike and explaining its various features like August is open to hearing a sales pitch on a bike he is already in possession of.
Jude is all tan, lean muscle in an average height package, medium brown hair, hazel eyes and an idiolect mostly composed of the expressions, “dude”, “so like”, “fucking dope, man” and “or whatever”. August doesn’t think anything of his sudden appearance, or his just as quick disappearance. He supposes on some theoretical level it might be nice to get to know his neighbors, although he can’t see the point in putting a lot of effort into the endeavor.
“I guess I’ll see you around,” Jude concludes his first visit, no eggs or sugar borrowed, because August rarely keeps unnecessary food items in his kitchen.
Then just before he leaves Jude winks at him.
August stands there in his door frame, stunned for a while. He watches Jude go back to his apartment. Maybe that wasn’t a come on, he rations. Maybe this is a new thing young straight guys do, going around winking at other guys, just for the fuck of it.
August doesn’t get hit on a lot, even though he's ostensibly handsome: black hair that's fashionably cut, brown eyes, sharp nose. He supposes it's what his sister calls his stick-in-the-mudness. He's not a fun person and fun people tend to get hit on, regardless of level of attractiveness.
He doesn't expect to see Jude again, so when he does one evening, he lets the neighbor in without much questioning. He figures this is why he supposes what happens next happens so effortlessly: Jude’s visit concludes with Jude’s mouth pressed against his own sweetly, growing more hungry as August returns the kiss.
From there, things escalate quite fast: Jude on his knees on August’s tastefully carpeted floor, taking out August’s dick and telling him in that deep drawl of his how much he wants to suck August off.
“If you insist,” August says awkwardly, like his cock isn't already pulsing heavily in Jude’s big hand and leaking at the tip.
“I was thinking, maybe next time you can fuck me with this,” Jude says, smiling. Then August’s cock sinks into his mouth, slick heat and Jude’s tongue working along the length, and August nearly collapses. His hand grasps Jude’s hair and he is pretty sure he misheard, because there is no way his hot straight neighbor wants him to fuck him.
Yet that is precisely what they do the next time. Jude prone beneath him, beautiful as anything as August works a toy in and out of him, fucking his hole with it to make Jude moan all breathy and pretty.
August doesn't usually top, but he can’t resist fucking Jude that night, or a couple of nights after that, or that one long weekend where he tortures Jude on his couch with the world's slowest blowjob.
From there, a sort of regularity forms. Jude comes over and they fuck, and Jude sleeps over, and they fuck, and then eventually Jude goes home for a night or two, long enough for August to wonder if that was that, only to find Jude on his door step again the next day.
He gets very used to Jude being there, if he's completely honest with himself.
Jude turns to August on an ordinary Saturday afternoon while watching a nature documentary about the tundra, and asks him:
“You ever thought about how cool it would be like, to bareback?”
August’s brain freezes every zinging neural pathway. Why is Jude asking him about barebacking?
“Don’t you think that’s a pretty big step for our, um, thing?” August asks, his mouth slowly forming the words.
“Huh?” Jude asks.
“Fine. Our relationship.” August stares at the wild horses on his sensibly sized television.
Insofar as they even have a relationship – August isn’t used to thinking about Jude in that manner.
August reminds himself constantly he did have a life before Jude walked into it, a very nice life, in fact. His apartment was decorated to his specifications after he moved in. His book shelves contained only the books he was interested in reading, in the editions he most valued. His kitchen cupboards didn’t contain extraneous kitchenware for entertaining, since August was never in the habit of hosting.
The fact of the matter is, August is not sure he even wants a relationship. If he did, he wouldn’t seek one out with a chaos entity like Jude. Instead, he would find a successful man with a practical personality and they would discuss goals, aspirations and long-term compatibility on the second date, when it would seem it was headed somewhere worth pursuing further.
Then again, finding that kind of man in a city of millions hasn’t exactly worked out for him thus far. So he understands now that while generally inadvisable, hooking up with his hot bro neighbor might be a fine short-term solution.
“I think I’d like barebacking,” Jude continues saying, and August deeply wishes he would shut up.
It feels like such a big step for what they are. Yes, Jude’s things are now all over his apartment. Jude’s clothes in his hamper, because it’s not like he can leave it up for Jude to remember to take them to the laundromat more than once a month and August genuinely likes doing laundry. He has an entire system for it. Jude’s phone chargers, multiple, on his countertop because August has never met a person who keeps losing as many phone chargers as Jude does. Then there are the post-it notes. Jude has a package to pick up from the post office. Jude has to bet on the Chargers winning in two weeks, and for the Rams to lose next Saturday. Jude is doing a thing with his old college bros so now there’s a post it note stuck on August’s twelve-thousand dollar espresso machine reminding Jude of the thing and Jude doesn’t even drink coffee, so what precisely is that about?
But logically August knows that such domestic entropy does not relationship make. Unfortunately to add to this equation, Jude is also very into having sex with him.
Which is strange, because when he met Jude, in the door frame of his apartment, he judged Jude as a straight bro. The type who had problems with gay romance options in video games and wouldn't wear gloves during winter because it wasn't manly.
Jude is looking at him, expectant.
“Barebacking,” August says beneath his breath. “Are you, I mean, have you been tested?”
August has half a mind to pull up his own healthcare app and show Jude his latest results from two weeks ago. He hasn't had sex with anyone since Jude walked into his like, but August is smart about these things.
“Tested for what?” Jude frowns.
“Sexually transmitted infections.” August does pull up the app on his phone to show Jude. He likes being responsible about this sort of thing. Whatever he may lack in skill, he won't lack in due diligence.
Admittedly, Jude doesn't seem to think he lacks in any skill. Scarcely a day goes by when August doesn’t find a sext on his phone with a shot of Jude hard in boxer briefs, surrounded by messages where he begs August to fuck him again with his huge cock. August is probably an inch or two above average, so he knows it's just dirty talk, but it gets him hot and bothered every single time Jude does it. It helps that Jude is the sexiest guy he's ever been with, and the most accommodating towards August's various incongruities.
So. Yeah.
Jude is very confused by the list of negative results he's reading off August’s phone. “Dude. Why would I need any of this? I'm just riding the horse without a saddle, you know?”
August pauses. “That's not what barebacking means.”
“Yeah, it is.” Jude smiles at him. “Wow, finally I know something you don't. What do you think it means?”
August hates feeling like he's wrong, but additionally and most importantly, he is not wrong. “It's fucking without a condom.”
Jude scrunches up his nose, which normally looks very cute, and does look quite cute even now that August finds him slightly annoying.
“Is that what you want?” Jude asks. “You could've just said, bro.”
“I never said I wanted it,” August corrects him, but Jude’s voice has dropped into a register that suggests one thing and one thing only. “Do you want it?” he asks.
Jude smiles and leans in closer. The slow, leisurely kiss doesn't surprise August. It stokes the warmth in his lower abdomen, his cock filling as Jude slides the tip of his tongue between his lips.
“Oh, fuck, bet it feels so good,” Jude murmurs as he kisses along August's jawline. “Skin on skin, your cock buried so fucking deep in me.”
“Really think we should get your results first,” August manages, but Jude is already rubbing him over the fabric of his slacks. Every sensible thought is deserting his brain, and Jude is smiling into the kiss, searing and teasing all at once.
“Sure, we can wait.” Jude breaks the kiss, mouth open, eyes glassy and panting slightly. “But I need your big cock in my mouth tonight, Auggie. Can you give it to me, please? Will you fuck my mouth until I can taste you all over my tongue, baby?”
August lifts his hips in a desperate attempt to get some friction on his hard cock. “Fine,” he agrees. “Fine,” he repeats as Jude opens his fly and takes out his cock and pushes the head past his perfect, pillowy lips.
Jude is too good at this part, the pressure and the hot wetness, his hand working the base patiently. He moans against August's cock like he's been hungry for it all his life and he lets August control the pace with his tiny, frantic thrusts.
“Fuck, Jude,” August gasps. He's slipped down on the couch, thighs wide.
Jude says nothing, but his head begins to bob on August's cock, the pace quickened. August clings onto his hair, losing himself and only his twisting fingers warn Jude before he comes.
Jude cleans him patiently with his tongue, licking every last drop. August's cock twitches, ready for more, even as he knows he needs a break. Possibly a nap. Then he'll suck Jude off as well, or eat him out, or fuck him with a toy until he comes.
“Let's do it,” Jude tells him. “I really want you to fuck me like that.”
“Okay,” August says, breathless. “Okay.”
It's just a fuck. It doesn't mean they're anything more, probably.
He should be smart and talk to Jude about this, really consider the ramifications of their actions, but he knows Jude categorically doesn't do that sort of thing. Maybe it's fine for August sometimes to take after him in that regard.
Maybe.
Or maybe not.
Over the next week August is an absolute mess, because he hasn't been exclusively with anyone since forever, and maybe that means something. Not that he's in love with Jude, because Jude is chaotic and terrible, but also sexy and surprisingly sweet and considerate. A bit messy but not so messy that August can't handle it on a daily basis, and really they have been seeing each on a nearly daily basis. Why is Jude always around his apartment? Why doesn't he ever go home?
August knows why, and that's the scary part. Because it's nice to wake up with someone and order takeout for two instead of one. It's lovely to fuck so often you learn exactly how to get the other person off. It's nice to hear about how Jude’s day went and to hear about his plans for the weekend. It's nice to be with Jude, period, and that's why August isn't tetchy or desperate for him to leave. Because it feels like Jude belongs there, in his bed and on his sofa and in his kitchen, stocking August's fridge with electrolyte drinks and energy drinks.
He doesn’t want to lose that, if he’s completely honest with himself.
That’s when the terrifying understanding settles in him. He is, in fact, in love with Jude.
After a week goes by and Jude emails him the results, August is a bunch of frazzled nerves. Jude is negative on all fronts, which means they can go ahead with the plan. Which means something intimate and terrifying, and Jude doesn’t even realize it. But August does, because August is smart and logical, and yet he’s fallen in love with his next door neighbor, a thing that is generally inadvisable.
“Sup,” Jude greets him, nodding his head back in a very masculine way that August has never mastered.
“Are we fucking or are we dating?” August asks, deciding to cut all pretense at small talk.
He has never been good at these kinds of conversations, and admittedly most of his hesitation to commit to any one partner has been influenced by his reluctance to have emotional conversations to begin with. He hasn’t been certain he’d be able to withstand another person in his space for long periods of time, another worry about commitment, but now Jude is just here all the time, and August has learned to like it. Therefore, he hopes he and Jude are dating.
Jude shrugs. “Are you asking me to move in? Because it's about friggin’ time.”
“I am asking if we are dating.” August forces himself to keep looking at Jude in the eyes. “Because I may have been under the mistaken impression that we were just fucking.”
“Yeah, it kind of started that way, but then you were all sweet about me, so I figured we could go for it?” Jude raises his eyebrows, shrugging.
“I was not sweet about you,” August says, even though his heart lurches at the thought.
“Yeah, you kind of were. Asking me to stay and cuddle after our first time. Like, c’mon.”
“I thought it was only cordial after sex.”
“Well, anyway, that's when I fell in love.” Jude grins. “I'm into you. Like fully, balls to the wall into you.”
“I'm not certain you know what that expression means,” August says. His cheeks feel hot. “But I also have feelings for you.”
It feels so vulnerable and difficult to say out loud. To wrap his head around the emotion is one thing, to admit to it, something quite different. But Jude takes it in stride. Of course he does. He accepts so many things other partners have found weird or objectionable about August.
“Sweet,” Jude says and walks closer. He sinks into the hug August offers with his arms opened. He presses their bodies together. “Now how about you fuck me that stellar dick of yours?”
“I don't think it's that stellar,” August admits, but allows Jude to undress him, and pull him into the bedroom before August can complain about the clothes being abandoned unfolded on the floor.
He has a method of getting wrinkles out, so perhaps it’s fine this one time.
Jude kisses his skin. His hands work over the lanky chest and flat of his stomach. August is so hard already and Jude isn't paying any attention to his cock, instead languidly touching and teasing over areas August didn't use to find so sensitive. The collar bone, the crook of the shoulder. The underside of his pectoral muscles, so tender as Jude licks over the skin with that talented tongue of his.
“Come on,” August gasps, impatient. “Let me work you open.”
“No sense of romance,” Jude complains, but grins when August starts apologizing. “It's cool, let's get to it.”
August settles behind Jude. He pushes Jude’s powerful thighs apart and teases over Jude’s hole with his hand, a purposefully light touch. Jude groans and pushes his ass up, meeting the touch further.
“Relax,” August says, but he's the one who probably needs to relax. There's just a lot to take in, Jude’s beautiful body beneath him, his own cock straining his underwear, his heart in his throat because instead of a random fuck, this is now his boyfriend.
“Give it to me,” Jude whines in that petulant way he sometimes gets, bratty in bed, stupid with arousal. August runs a hand along his spine, a soothing touch.
He really wants to do this right. He slicks his fingers with lube and teases them over Jude’s opening, slow and gentle. Jude clenches at the touch at first, then relaxes. It feels so intimate, Jude tight and wet around him as he pushes further in, slowly fucking in and out.
“You like that?” August watches as Jude moans and rolls his hips against the bed. Of course he likes it, but he still wants to make sure. This is too important to fuck up.
“Need you in me.” Jude’s teeth clenched on the words. August lets out a breath. He feels how Jude tightens around him, begging without begging, sweet and desperate.
“Okay,” he says, pulling his hand away, “okay,” as he holds onto Jude’s hips, lining his cock up with Jude’s hole. He thrusts in and Jude’s whole body reacts to it, letting out a low moan and hips pushing back to meet August's cock, letting him sink in further.
“Oh, fuck,” Jude grits out.
“Yeah,” August agrees foolishly, because wow. Jude is tight and hot around him, obviously, but he's so hot around him now it feels exceptional.
He works his hips carefully, thrusting in once, twice, listening to the way each movement elicits a blissed out sound from Jude. Then he's bottomed out, savoring the feeling of Jude all around his cock. He drapes partly over Jude’s back, admiring its muscled form.
Jude groans. “Stop teasing and fuck me.”
August huffs, but when he starts fucking harder into Jude, the annoyance melts away into the sheer pleasure. He knows how Jude likes it now, the quick pace followed by the slower strokes, keeping him on the edge. He strokes over the back of Jude’s neck, before continuing to fuck into him again. This is so good, they're so good together.
It's an overwhelming thought, how two people who are so different can find such effortless happiness together. How seamlessly Jude slotted into his life and how August doesn't now want him to ever leave.
“Come in me,” Jude tells him, slightly muffled by the pillow.
Just about the hottest thing anyone's ever told him. “You're close?” August asks. His hand reaches around Jude’s hip, finds his lengthy cock so hard it's close to the flat of his stomach.
“Uhh, yeah,” Jude says, rutting against the loose hold of August’s hand on his cock.
August focuses on getting Jude off first. His hand tightens around the slick skin and he pulls his fist over the head, a simple motion that makes Jude’s body practically vibrate under him, thighs trembling and spine curving. Then he relaxes, coming loose against August's touch, spilling all over August’s hand. It's really beautiful, actually, watching Jude’s unraveling and feeling it in his body too.
He brushes his lips gently over the curve of Jude’s shoulder, propping himself on his elbows as he drives his hips hard into Jude, once, twice, before the whitehot pleasure pushes him over the edge. He takes long, dragged breaths, realizing he's slumped over Jude, and it's probably uncomfortable. His brain feels simultaneously fuzzy and clear.
He lifts himself, but instead of letting him go, Jude turns around and pulls August closer by the hip.
“That was really good,” he says, voice warm.
“A bit messy,” August says, still catching his breath. His body is cool with sweat, but Jude feels hot against him, smiling and kissing.
“I don't mind,” Jude says. “Did you mean what you said, dude?”
August stills. He has no idea what he said. He's not in the habit of blabbering during orgasm, at least, he doesn't think he is.
“Sure,” he says, studying Jude’s face for any hint of what he might have said. He has a fair idea, but he can't know for certain. It doesn't seem like him, so blissed out his mouth turns loose and stupid, saying every emotion his heart he may hold. No, that's not like him at all.
“Cool,” Jude says, closing his eyes. “I love you, too.”
August swallows, settling next to Jude on the bed as he feels him ease into sleep. He eventually gets up and moves Jude around, cleans them up the best he can. He should really shower, but he's also tired and the thought of falling asleep and waking up next to Jude is a lot more appealing than showering.
It's fine, he thinks. The emotion itself, even the way he blurted it out. If Jude doesn't mind, why should he?
What matters is that the feeling is there, strong and ever-growing. Chaotic, unpredictable, but warm and pleasant.
Maybe August doesn't mind a bit of chaos in his life these days.