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The hotel was loud. It seemed as such for every single party they throw for whatever occasion might come up. Taco was dragged along, though she wasn't particularly interested in much. She escaped up the stairs not too long ago, quietly pushing past her room door and going out to the balcony. Their music kept blaring, every so often getting louder when people shoved themselves through the front doors, but she was far enough away for it to be a bearable background thrumming instead.
“God, I can't even enjoy the outside…” A voice next to her groaned. Taco whipped her head around to see Pickle to her left, sitting in a seat on his own balcony.
“Sorry, I'll just-” Taco tried.
“No.” Pickle interrupted. “It's about time we spoke anyway…”
Taco ripped her gaze away, staring out into the twinkling sky above instead. It was one thing to see the wonders from afar, but being up there directly, even when it was a life-or-death contest…? She could never replicate the universe's beauty even if she wanted to.
There was some shuffling to her side, and she assumed Pickle was moving his seat closer to the railing. “I've been holding this grudge forever. You make it so easy to hate you.” Her suspicions were confirmed when his voice was closer to her.
Taco grimaced, but didn't turn back towards him. “There's a reason for that…” She stated, picking at her cuticles. “I want your forgiveness, but I don't want to be your friend. It seems unreasonable to want that scenario… Why fix something you're not going to build upon? So it's easier to avoid it in the first place.”
“I want to forgive.” Pickle said quietly. “It eats me alive every day. You used me, you lied to me, and then for years you never actually came back. You left after unveiling your grand scheme, and when you finally finally return, you tell me you never even took me into account ever.”
“I wrote.”
“That wasn't enough! I didn't read them because I wanted to hear it directly from you!”
They sat in that silence for a moment, the venom in Pickle's words nipping at Taco like a frost. He was panting slightly, trying to calm back down. She sighed quietly, moving to scratch her arm instead as she tried to even her own heartbeat out.
“I'm sorry, Pickle. My own greed blinded me, truly. I played the game, and I got my prize, the consequences of my own actions turning back on me at full force.” Even as she said this, Taco couldn't bring herself to look at him, staring out into the forest instead, as her arm burned from her slow endless scratching. “You got hurt, and I know that. I regret what I've done to you, but I don't regret what I've done to play the game.”
“Then I don't think you regret it in the slightest…” Pickle said bitterly. “What you've done to me goes hand in hand with how you played. But this goes beyond me too, now. Microphone-”
Taco gripped the railing, gritting her teeth. “You don't get to go there…” She hissed out, finally turning to Pickle. “Leave Mic out of this.”
Pickle looked genuinely surprised at the reaction, but he quickly hid it behind a scowl. “Why do you care about her more than me?”
“I don't, alright?!” Taco yelled, tears welling in her eyes. “I… I don't…” She repeated quieter. “Pickle, I care about you so much, it haunts my every waking moment…” Her grip shook with each trembling breath, and she took a step towards the railing separating her and Pickle. “You were my first friend, and even when I didn't see it back then, I know now. I was wrong, I was always wrong, and you had every right to be furious at me.” She reached a hand out, then hesitated, pulling it back quickly as if the mere incomplete action burnt her. A tear fell, a silent sob shook through her as she pulled away completely, going back to her original spot against the front railing, staring at the landscape.
“I hate you because that's what I convinced myself to do…” Pickle finally spoke after a long pause. “But through it all, the only thing that really hurts me is that I loved you and you never loved me.”
“I… I couldn't-”
“You couldn't love someone like me.” Pickle continued as if Taco didn't even speak. He stood, leaning against his front railing as well, looking off into the forest. “Not even because of the competition, but because of who I am.”
“It's because of who I am.” Taco finally cut back in, voice still trembling slightly. “You were longing for someone who would never love you like that. I was never able to tell you, because I didn't know.”
Taco could hear Pickle shift in his spot, and from the way her hairs prickled, she knew he was looking at her. The primal urge to run and hide thrummed strongly within her, but she stood her ground, even without looking back. “It seems ridiculous to say in the context of this whole thing, but Pickle, I'm a lesbian. I would've never been interested in you to begin with.”
“Oh… Well now I just feel dumb.” Pickle muttered, shame lacing his tone, but a few stray chuckles fell from his lips before the two were laughing and giggling to each other. When it died down, Pickle sighed. “For the record, we don't have to be friends either. I don't think I can come around to trusting you again, and you've already said you have no intentions of rekindling our friendship.”
Taco puffed out a sad chuckle, forlornly glancing back up at the stars. “Yeah, no… I can't do it, I don't have it in me… Not after everything. I can't make new friends, I shouldn't even be around Microphone either.” She admitted quietly, like she was saying something forbidden.
“Why not…?”
“Look what I did to you, look what I did to her.” Taco said plainly, not any punch behind it at all. “That's without MePad's outcome on top of it all…” She added somberly. “He died for me. Maybe it's selfish to think that, but it's true and I know it. He cared so much, and he knew what I needed to see to realize that the world is wider than the game itself.” She explained, then sighed. “Such good that came from it…” Taco mumbled bitterly. Her eyes narrowed, glaring up at the stars like they personally offended her. “We could come back, but he couldn't…! He knew that and he still-! He… He still died to make sure I could live…”
“Tell me about him.”
“What…?”
“MePad. I didn't get to know him. Tell me about him.” Pickle stated, leaning further against the railing as he tucked a fist under his chin, attentive and waiting.
“Ah, dear, well…!” Taco quickly stumbled out, coughing awkwardly into her fist and clearing her throat. “My first actual interaction with him was because I kidnapped him to use his teleportation…” She admitted meekly. “I was still striving for the prize at that point, with Mic so hooked on my word. I think that was a turning point for her though, finally seeing how far I was willing to go, including capturing and modding MePad. Knife had planted doubts in her head since the moment he found out, and I don't blame him. I certainly didn't make it easy for myself.” A frown took over her features. “That was the night Mic left… She told me off, rightfully so. But she compared it all to you, and I guess I just… Finally saw the pattern that was always drawn out for me.”
Pickle let out a sad laugh. “Like it was destined to be…”
Taco nodded. “After that, I guess season 3 happened, but we were all stuck frozen in time. It felt like a singular day had passed. I know now that I lost about 3 years of my life there. I don't think I missed much, though… Truth or Flare was on the horizon, I had finally turned MePad on to speak to him. I was determined to end the show then and there. If there's one thing that lunatic Fan was right about, it was the patterns behind the show. If I of all people could see it, then I could make everyone see it.”
“What happened, then?”
“MePad tried to talk me out of it, saying that I didn't need to do this, that I could make amends without this. Eventually he gave in, and even stood by my side against MePhone, and so I ran the competition. I learned things I probably shouldn't have, revealed so much, tried desperately to get everyone to quit, and then… I broke.”
Pickle hummed during the lull in Taco's words, indicating he was still listening.
“I woke up in a void, empty and endless. I didn't even try to wander. I quickly accepted that I was dead. Forever.” She said it so plainly, but her body shook, giving away her fear. “And as quickly as I made terms with it, I was just… Back. It was a lot, going from nothing to everything at once. I know MePad was talking, but I couldn't focus on it all. Spiraling, is probably how I'd explain it. I was losing it. It took a long time to get used to just… Sound, again.”
“Is that why you left the party early?”
Taco huffed out a sigh. “Of the sort.” She answered vaguely. “What about you? Aren't you usually down there playing games?” She asked, sparing a glance towards him.
Pickle shrugged. “It's a lot sometimes.” He answered, though gave no further context.
Taco looked back out to the open land. “We're just two fucked up peas in a pod, huh?”
“Yeah, who's fault is that?” Pickle asked lightly.
“MePhone's.” Taco answered swiftly, just as jokingly with a humored grin on her face.
They didn't have to be friends, they both agreed on that. But it was nice to get that closure for once. Something they were in control of. They stayed there until the party died down, both going back to their respective rooms for the night after quickly exchanged “goodnight”s from the both of them.