Chapter Text
Mike was stuck.
He was stuck in his job, there was no way up, and there was no way down, so as much as he truly loved his job, it made him feel empty, as though everything he worked on lacked any real meaning. Logically, he knew this wasn't the case, but that didn't ease the dull feeling deep inside him. The increasing distance Harvey seemed to keep between himself and Mike didn't help lighten his mood either.
He was stuck in his relationship with Harvey. Of course, he was well aware that he was Harvey's associate, and that in the eyes of the man that he admired so much, he could never measure up to someone like Donna or Jessica, let alone Dana Schott. Also, he knew it was a stupid thought to even consider putting himself on the same level as Harvey's girlfriend. But he really had assumed that Harvey would at least see him as a friend. It seemed logical to him, given that he'd been willing to tell Jessica that if she fired Mike, he'd go too, but maybe that had just been another one of Harvey's bluffs, since he had already invested too much in Mike at this time.
But now Harvey was a name partner in the firm that now also included Dana Schott, so Harvey was probably just looking for a way to get rid of his associate with the fake Harvard degree without getting into trouble himself, which made Fosterman's offer all too convenient. Harvey had become the most important person in Mike's life, and even though he knew he would never be that important to Harvey, it pained him to no end to think that Harvey didn't even seem to want him around anymore.
May there actually had been a time in which Harvey saw him as something like a friend. But then Mike had betrayed Harvey, a decision he still bitterly regretted. For the older man, this had been a clear sign that the younger had no loyalty, that he was not trustworthy, and in the end it led to him not working for Harvey anymore.
It had been such a relief to him deep down when Harvey wanted him back as an associate. But what Mike didn't consider until that very moment was that it was possibly just that, Harvey wanted his associate back, not Mike, not really, at least not as one of his friends. Any chance of being a real part of Harvey's life, to be someone he truly cared about, had, so it seemed to him, already slipped through his fingers. But the worst part of this all was that he could only blame himself.
As much as he hated the feeling of knowing that he would always have to stand in the shadows and that he would never be able to prove his full potential as a lawyer to everyone, he knew that he could tolerate it all if only Harvey would look at him, that he could know that the man he admired would be proud of him in his own way.
Just one word from Harvey that he should stay, that he shouldn't leave, and he would immediately forget that the job offer ever existed. It wasn't as if he actually wanted to leave anyway, but the growing gap between Harvey and him was starting to really get to him. Just one word from Harvey and he would stay.
Mike tried not to think too much about what would happen if Harvey told him to leave and he had to face his worst nightmare that he had lost Harvey in his life forever. Also, he didn't want to think too much about the fact that the possibility of losing Harvey forever seemed to frighten and hurt him more than the possibility of having to leave his dream as a lawyer behind, again.
But to finally have the answer he had been longing for, he had to find the courage to tell Harvey about the job offer and face the truth of what he meant to Harvey after everything he did.
However, it was easier said than done. He still hadn't been able to bring himself the courage to tell Harvey, in fact he had begun to convince himself that the job talk with Jonathan would give him the answer as to whether he should go or not, when Harvey suddenly told him that they were both going to Quelling's game that night.
Mike felt frozen for a moment, it was now or never. But he couldn't manage more than a mumble.
“What?” Harvey demanded.
Mike hesitated and gathered all his courage to answer his boss. “I got a job offer, Harvey.” He scanned the other's face for a reaction as he continued to speak, “Supposed to go have drinks to talk about it tonight. I can move it, it‘s just that‘s… that‘s why I hesitated.”
“When?” Harvey's tone gave no indication whatsoever of what he thought about the whole situation.
“When what?” asked Mike, who was too busy trying to figure out what Harvey was thinking to have any clear thoughts.
“When'd you get the job offer?” Harvey clarified his previous question.
Mike hesitated for a brief moment, he didn't want to lie to Harvey, but he also didn't want Harvey to know just for how long he'd been keeping the whole matter from him, so he replied with a quick one, “The other night.”
“And you didn't mention it.” Harvey stated.
“I didn't know what I thought.” Mike replied, with complete honesty. He didn't allow himself to show any sign of the seed of hope that was growing inside him at the interest Harvey seemed to be showing in the matter.
Harvey asked, “And now you do?” without letting on even in the slightest what he was really thinking about the whole situation.
Mike began insecurely “No. It's” before he was harshly interrupted by Harvey.
“Who?” he demanded to know.
He took a deep breath to calm his nerves before giving his answer. “Jonathan Sidwell.”
“The spin-off idea?” Harvey recognized.
“Yeah.” replied Mike breathlessly-
Harvey seemed to examine the younger. “I should have known. He wants you to be his general counsel?”
The fake Haversian graduate struggled to meet his mentor's eyes, while speaking. “No, he wants to make me an investment banker.”
“Well, if it were me... I'd take it.”
For Mike the world seemed to freeze for a moment, had Harvey told him indirectly that he thought Mike should leave and take the job as an investment banker? “What? Why?” was all he could produce in this state of shock.
“Because you can compete there like you do here with nothing hanging over your head.” said Harvey, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“What if I don't want to stop being a lawyer?” Mike asked, not only because it was the truth, but also to find even the slightest indication that Harvey actually wanted him to stay.
“Well, then don't take the job. I mean, what do you want from me?” He asked, somewhat irritated.
Mike answered honestly, “I want your advice.”
“I just gave you my advice.” Harvey stated.
The younger one interjected. “No, you told me what you would do. I want to know what you think I should do.”
“Mike, last week, you said you'd do anything to stop being a fraud, so my advice is take it.
“Still be in the majors, just be a different sport.” Harvey replied, before turning his attention back to the documents.
Mike didn't know how to react, his throat felt tight, so he left Harvey's office without another word.
He had given Harvey every opportunity to show that he didn't want Mike to leave, that he actually cared, but Harvey really didn't seem a bit interested in whether Mike stayed or not. And although Mike had earlier made the decision that he would leave the company if Harvey didn't genuinely want him there, he felt just so wrong at the thought of quitting Pearson Specter, and more importantly leaving Harvey and may never see him again.
To escape his spinning thoughts he immersed himself in his work, the work of a job he might soon be quitting, but he tried not to overthink it, he needed the distraction. That evening he was supposed to talk to Jonathan Sidwell, and Mike hoped that this conversation would give him some clarity.
Meanwhile, Harvey was sitting in his office, his eyes fixed on his laptop, although he could barely focus on the words in front of him. His thoughts were circling around his earlier conversation with Mike.
So Mike toyed with the idea of leaving the firm, leaving his dream of being a lawyer behind, leaving Harvey's life forever. Scratch that last one, Harvey wasn't important in all of this, he was Mike's boss, his mentor, the man who got him the job despite his lack of a degree and covered up for him, but despite that the whole thing had nothing to do with him, he wasn't a key point, it was all about Mike, that's what Harvey kept repeating over and over to himself.
Harvey had had every opportunity to stop Mike, to tell him any reason why he shouldn't go, to tell him that it would be a bad decision, that he shouldn't do it, but that wasn't his place. He knew it had been Mike's dream to become a lawyer, and as much as Harvey hated to think of Mike giving up on it forever, he couldn't blame him. Mike was meant for greatness, not simply because of his brilliant mind, no, because of the person that he was and Harvey knew that as long as he lived this lie, he would forever be in the shadow of others, never reaching his full potential, Harvy had no right to want to keep him there any longer. And as strange as it would be to not see Mike at the office every day anymore, or rather not see him face to face at all, to never speak to him again, because their relationship was purely work related, plus minus their little secret about Mike's degree, or rather lack of it, he was certain that he hadn't heard the last of the younger man's successes, because he knew Mike would be great as an investment banker, but Mike would be great no matter what he wanted to do, well except maybe as a drug dealer, if their first meeting had been an indication. Mike would be better off without him, at least that was what he kept telling himself.
Harvey‘s thoughts were still circling around Mike and the possibility of him leaving, when Scottie entered his office. Her talking about how he could make it up took him unguarded, he had thought that he already had done this. Besides it was not like he could tell her why he did it anyway, it was a secret, it was Mike's secret, it was not his place to tell anyone about it, also Mike would be leaving soon, so it seemed, then there would be no more secret to cover up, but it was not like he could tell her about this either. Harvey tried to shake off Scottie, if only for that one night, he needed some time to collect himself, to get his thoughts straight, the possible upcoming loss of Mike was weighing on him. Her bringing Mike up only made him more tense and irritable about the whole situation. He wanted to scream, he wanted to punch something, but neither was an actual option, and even though it wasn't really his intention, he snapped at Scottie. When Scottie finally left his office he was slightly aware of the fact that he should have apologized to her, but his mind was clouded with anger, and he had nowhere to channel it.
As soon as she was gone Donna entered his office. Harvey was sure that she had listened to the entire conversation and was just there to dismiss his behaviour. But he was not in the mood, he was annoyed and not angry like Donna insisted he was, because there was no reason for him to be angry. After all Mike leaving was a good thing, no more secret over their heads, that could fall together like a house of cards under the slightest pressure. They all could be free from this burden and Mike finally could reach his full potential. There would be no losers, just winners, so no reason to be angry.
Then Donna insisted that he was hurt and his anger was just there to cover it up. But this was bullshit, why should he be hurt about Mike leaving. Mike was his associate, there were not even real friends, he just covered up for him, because he saw Mike‘s potential and that he would be an amazing associate, unlike all those actual Harvard graduates, who may have their great degrees but could never match with the intellect of Mike. He was annoyed, yes annoyed was the right word. He was annoyed that he would lose such a competent associate, and would have to look for someone to fill Mike's place. But it felt wrong to even think about someone replacing Mike, because that was simply impossible, no one could ever take Mike's place. Mike who managed to outperform lawyers who had been in this field for years without even having a real Havard or any other law degree. Mike who had the courage to stand up to Harvey when he felt it was necessary. Mike with whom he could communicate through movie quotes and the craziest metaphors they could come up with. Mike was unrepeatable, and that was why he was annoyed.
Yes Donna was right, when she said that the idea of Mike leaving sucked, but Harvey would never say that out loud. It was Mike‘s life and how much he wanted to keep his associate around. It was not his place to make that decision for him, he would not stand in the way of Mike's future, no matter how much it hurt him to let Mike go.
Harvey desperately hoped that the poker game that night would bring him some distraction from the whole thing, he just wasn't allowed to think about the fact that he actually wanted to bring Mike along, and where Mike really was at the same time.
Mike was nervous to say the least. He kept debating whether he should just skip the interview. But Harvey had made it clear to him where he stood for the man and so he finally entered the local and joined Jonathan Sidwell at the bar. However, not even Harvey's lack of interest in the fact that Mike might be leaving could completely convince Mike to give up on the older man he admired so much.
He was subconsciously aware of the fact that he was putting stones in his own path with all his demands, in particular with regards to the piece. Therefore, he didn't feel nearly as embarrassed as he should have been when Sidwell called him out for wanting the decision to be taken away from him and for knowing that Mike wouldn't accept the offer at the meeting.
Mike couldn't blame Sidwell when the man told him that he would start interviewing people for the job he had offered him the following morning and so he kept quiet as the latter left the local.
So Mike was faced with the same dilemma once again, but his time for a decision was running out. Should he take a job where he had the chance of a real career, should he make the choice Harvey had advised him to, or should he continue to work as a lawyer with false references, in the shadow of others, where his boss didn't even seem to care if he was leaving. The answer seemed so simple, and yet it wasn't, because it was Mike's dream to be a lawyer, it was what he really wanted, and even more than that he wanted to be near Harvey, wanted his boss to look at him again as if he was proud of Mike and what he had accomplished, he didn't want to be without Harvey in his life, but the latter didn't seem to care that much about their time together, to him he was just an associate, if their earlier conversation that day had been any indication.
Mike played with the thought of drinking some more, but he knew it wouldn’t get him anywhere and may make some stupid decision, like calling Harvey, or even going to his apartment, no he certainly couldn't use that.
So he left the pub, went straight home and when’s to sleep. Helping the next day would bring him some clarity.
The following day indeed gave him some clarity about his decision, but in no shape or form he would have expected.
He happened to cross paths with Donna and Rachel, when the former had handed him some files to take to her desk so that she and Rachel could go out for lunch and he was sure to exchange the latest office gossip.
In no mood to really talk to anyone as his thoughts were still on his job dilemma, he silently took the files and made his way to Donna's desk.
Mike had had every intention of just dropping off those files and getting the hell away from there, not wanting to face Harvey or think too much about the sharp pain he felt when he saw Scott was with him in his office.
However, he then saw that Donna seemed to have forgotten to put the phone back in its holder, so he wanted to do this for her, but as he grabbed the phone he could hear the conversation between Harvey and Scott and froze.
The first Voice he heard belonged to Harvey, he sounded exhausted, Mike could only wonder how long this discussion had been going on, or how many times they'd had it before. “This isn’t fair Scottie, I’m doing my best to make this relationship work. But this has nothing to do with you, with our relationship. I owed Louis a favor. He has called it in. That is it. There is really nothing more to talk about.”
“Harvey, we're in a relationship, and in a relationship you need to communicate. When I was asked to return the case to him, I got involved. So now it's my business too. It is very much my business why I had to do it. Why did you owe Louis Litt of all people such a favor?” Scott demanded.
Mike let his gaze wander quickly around him, neither Harvey nor Scott had noticed him there, and the other people nearby didn't really pay him any attention. The good thing about being Harvey's number 2, nobody batted an eye when he was around Harvey's, or in this case, Donna's stuff. Mike tried not to think about the fact that this could end soon and that this conversation he was eavesdropping on could play an important part in that. He leaned forward as if he were reading something, or looking for something, so Harvey and Scott would not see him there, so he hoped.
“That had nothing to do with us or our relationship. This favor Louis called in had to do with the job, and I told you to do this from my position at the company. Not as your boyfriend,” his boss claimed.
“I already told you once, that you can't have both,” Scott remarked.
“We are lawyers Scottie. We always will have to make a cut between work and our private lives in one or another way,” he seemed to get more and more annoyed with the whole topic.
“No, ” she snapped, “none of this has anything to do with attorney-client privilege. Otherwise you wouldn't be waltzing so vaguely around the whole issue. Don't even try to pretend otherwise.”
“I don’t know what you want to hear from me now, I can not tell you and it simply is none of your business. Yes we are in a relationship, but there are things we simply can not talk about, because not everything has to do with us.”
“Louis Litt knows,” Scott said bitterly.
“What?” he sounded puzzled.
“He knows what it's all about,” she said calmly, nearly too calm, for Mike's liking.
“Of course he knows,” Harvey replied, “otherwise he could not call in a favor from me. What is the point you are trying to make here Scottie, because I clearly can’t see any.”
His underlying tone told Mike that he didn't know where all this was heading and he was trying to 'test the waters'. Mike couldn't help but wonder if Scott was noticing these things about Harvey too, but quickly let that thought go, it wasn't his place to be jealous of Scott. After all, it didn't particularly matter if she did or not anyway, because Scott mattered to Harvey more than Mike ever would.
“He knows,” she repeated herself.
Even without seeing them, Mike knew his boss's patience was hanging by a thread at this point.
“We already were at this Point-” Harvey pointed out impatiently.
“Donna knows as well, I don’t have any doubt about that. Now you probably are going to tell me that she always knows about everything, so that does not really count,” Scott’s voice sounded tight.
Harvey kept silent.
Mike wished he could see his face, so he could understand his reaction better.
“Jessica most probably knows it too, because after all, you are her well-trained dog, aren't you?” Scott hissed.
“Scottie-” Harvey tried to calm her.
But Scott cut him off, “And let me guess, your so-called ‘puppy’ knows as well.”
Mike felt panicked when she mentioned him, he heard the blood rushing in his ears and almost missed Harvey's reply.
“Mike is my associate. He needs to know about the things I know, so he can do his job Scottie,” he tried to rationalize.
“If you would have any other associate you would not let them know half the stuff Mike Ross seems to know about you and your work Harvey.”
There was a small flicker of triumph in Mike's heart over the fact that Scott had noticed how much Harvey trusted him. But it was quickly suppressed by the dull feeling of knowing that he only knew what this was about because Harvey owed Louis the favor because of him.
“Scottie keep Mike out of this, he has-”
“No Harvey,” she interrupted him. “I’m not going to stop at this point. I don’t know what this is between you and Mike, you don’t treat him like an associate who worked under you just this short span of time, but you two are certainly not friends either. Has this something to do with the whole thing you don’t want to tell me, or is this yet another secret of the oh so great Harvey Reginald Specter?”
“Scottie please just-”
“No Harvey! Can’t you see it?-” Scott sounded broken.
“See what,” Harvey asked in a gruff tone of voice, “what am I supposedly missing in all of this?”
Her voice had a wobbly tone to it at this point, “I am the only one who doesn't know Harvey. You seem to trust everyone around you more than me. We are partners, we should trust each other, but it seems like you won't trust me.”
“Scottie… I-” Harvey struggled for words.
“No Harvey, not now… I just… I will go now.” Her voice was shaking.
Mike panicked, dropping the phone into the holder a little too harshly. Fortunately for him, Scott didn't seem to have noticed him when she left Harvey's office. Once Mike was confident that Harvey would be focused on something at his desk again, or at least was pretending to be, he hurriedly left Donna's desk to avoid being caught there. Mike quickly took a look around, no one seemed to be paying him any attention, relieved he let his gaze wander towards Harvey, who, as he had suspected, was looking at something on his desk. Harvey was seemingly deep within his own thoughts.
Mike's heart tightened in his chest at the thought of him being the true source of Harvey's worries and problems. Because no matter how he tried to put it, the reason why Scott was so upset with Harvey, why he couldn't be honest and open with her, was ultimately him. It was his secret, his lie, that made Harvey do it. No matter how little Mike may have cared about Scott, Harvey did care about her, and Harvey wanted to be with her, and Mike's secret stood between them.
The more he reflected on it, the more he came to the realization that he had been the cause of most of Harvey's problems since he started working for him. It made him feel like he wanted to punch something and like he was about to cry at the same damn time. He hated that feeling.
Perhaps he had been staring for a little too long, while he had been lost in his thoughts, as Harvey was meeting his stare. The other man's gaze was unfathomable for him.
Mike quickly turned away and headed straight for the elevators. His heart was racing in his chest and his blood was rushing in his ears. He was at the center of all the problems in Harvey's life. Therefore he only had one option, he had to accept the job offer. He had to leave Harvey behind, no matter how much it hurt himself, all for Harvey's sake.
As he stepped out of the elevator, he ran straight into Donna of all people.
“Mike?” she asked him, her brow furrowing, “Are you all right, you already looked so strange earlier, but now you look like you've seen an actual ghost.”
“Oh erm yes, everything is just perfect, seriously, I just need to get some fresh air, that's all,” he tried to sound convincing, but he didn't think that anyone would actually buy it.
She looked at him doubtfully. The worry was written all over her face.
He had no doubt that she didn't believe him, but that wouldn't matter anymore when he was going to quit the next morning. He had made his decision, he would leave, after all, it was what was best for Harvey, and that was all that mattered to him.