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Countless screams echoed across the bloodied, burning battlefield. The stench of coolant and organic blood was sickening, accompanied by the nauseating smell of burning bodies- some alive. This couldn’t be real- Zero drew his saber, or intended to, to stop this horrible- whatever it was… but he was already holding it. Confused, he looked down… his hands were caked in blood. Civilians cowered away from him in fear. Across from him, standing firm, was X, a haunted look on his face. “Why…? Zero, why?!”
He tried to answer, tried to tell him he didn’t know what happened, tried to say anything at all but his mouth wouldn’t move. His body flung itself forward of its own accord- he was powerless to stop it, only able to watch in abject horror as his blade sliced clean through X’s torso-
Zero woke with a raw cry, practically flying upwards out of his capsule as he gripped the sides of it hard enough to leave marks, eyes darting around wildly before the realization and relief settled in.
It was just a nightmare. None of that had really happened. It wasn’t real. It wasn't real.
His relief was short-lived. This was the third time a nightmare had woken him up in just that night alone- he checked the time; it was two in the morning. He would never be able to get an efficient recharge like this… but what could he do? He’d already tried everything he could think of to stop the torture that played over and over in his head when he was supposed to be resting. X would suggest going to medbay, but he refused to even try it, knowing they would either use it as an excuse to poke and prod at his systems without actually getting anything done, or get suspicious, and order virus testing, and…
Well, he wasn’t going to be their lab rat. That didn’t leave many options, though. Normally, he would do his best to keep recharging and chug energen in the morning, but he already had an unhealthy buildup of unclean energy, and it was making him sluggish in training; he had a mission in two days, and he couldn’t afford being in anything other than top shape. He was essentially out of ideas. Almost.
He could ask X for help… if he wanted to look like a child entering their parents’ room for comfort in the middle of the night, which would frankly be mortifying. The embarrassment from that alone was enough to make him determined to tough it out- and aside from that, it would worry X, and his partner had far more important things to be concerned about; Zero wasn’t about to burden him with his own admittedly trivial issue. No, he’d have to endure, and then be extra diligent when in the field. Thirty percent charge be damned, he’d be fine.
It was almost impressive that he’d managed to lose charge instead of gaining any over the course of the night. The stress put his systems into combat mode and sped up his core, draining his energy faster than he could replenish it, and after a particularly gruesome nightmare that he refused to try and recall, he couldn’t even lie down in his charging pod without feeling nauseous. He was now sitting at roughly twenty-three percent charge, which was the opposite of helpful, considering he was currently doing his best to pay attention to a meeting that he unfortunately failed to maneuver his way out of. He had to think of a solution to this fast; this was hardly sustainable and people were starting to notice…
“...ero? Zero? Hey, are you ok?” X’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “The meeting’s been over for three minutes now and you’ve been staring into space the whole time…”
Ah. He didn’t realize. “Yeah, I’m good. Just zoned out a bit.” Standing from the seat, he planned out the rest of his day mentally. Training with his unit, then getting some energen, then doing prep work for tomorrow’s-
“Jesus, Zero, twenty percent?!” X sounded worried as hell. Shit, his partner had noticed enough to decide to scan him- twenty? Wasn’t it twenty-three just now-? “Have you recharged at all?! I’ll get Alia to bring someone else in for that assignment tomorrow, but you have to tell me what’s going on-”
“No, I swear I’m fine, X. Don’t bother with Alia.” This was bad, X looked distraught. Did Zero look that exhausted? No, he couldn’t let on that he was; his partner would insist he go to medbay and spend precious time and energy worrying over him, he’d get prodded at by medics, maybe even a mental health assessment if he was extra unlucky. “I can refuel with some energen beforehand. Besides, even if I can’t, I have a full night ahead of me to recharge beforehand.”
X didn’t look convinced. “You have a horrible energen buildup already, Zero.” Shit, he noticed. “You’ve been like this for weeks, don’t think I didn’t notice- Please, tell me what’s going on with you...” Shit, he really noticed.
“I- Well- It’s nothing, ok? Really! Stop bugging me about it, you’re always on my ass worrying about things-” He didn’t mean to lash out, but he needed X to stop asking, now. “Just give me a break, will you?”
“Cut the shit, Zero.” Zero’s eyes widened slightly at the anger in X's tone. “You’re going to get yourself killed if you try going out like this. You’re gonna tell me what the hell is happening right now, or so help me God I’ll drag you to medbay kicking and screaming!” When Zero tried to leave the room, X physically blocked the door, closing it and effectively barricading them both in. “Absolutely not, you aren’t running away this time! This is the fifth time we’ve had this conversation!”
“What?” That was genuinely confusing- Zero didn’t remember X asking him about this at all. “No it isn’t, I don’t remember you cornering me like this at any time-”
“Yeah, because you’ve taken so little care of yourself that your memory’s shot! Try to tell me what you did this week, go on!” X crossed his arms, glaring daggers at him.
“I… uh…” He came up blank. “...We went to that… that ice cream place…?”
“That was TWO WEEKS AGO!” X yelled exasperatedly, throwing his hands up in frustration. “That’s it, you’re going straight to the repair wa-”
“Nonono, fine, I’ll tell you, but not here, and do not make me go to medbay just so they can get their grubby little paws on an excuse to open me up and see how I tick!” Zero took a heavy, angry breath, trying not to cringe at the way X's expression changed- he could be certain the other would ask him what he meant by that later, and that would not be a fun conversation. “Fuck- We’ll talk in your dorm.” Before X could respond, Zero had pushed him aside and started walking. Seemingly relenting to the compromise, X followed silently.
They got to X’s dorm; X closed the door behind them. “Alright, start talking.”
Zero looked away awkwardly. How would he even start with- Sighing, he decided to just get it over with as quickly as he could. “I have been recharging, I just… Every time I try, I keep waking up… And before you try to send me to medbay again, I already know why, and it isn’t something they can help with.”
X, arms still crossed, raised an eyebrow. “Then what is causing it? I know you don’t like medbay- we can talk about why later- but everyone’s worried about you, and this is getting out of hand.”
Ashamedly, Zero mumbled the answer. “...nightmares.” He didn’t meet X’s eyes- he wasn’t sure if he expected laughter or more anger at how stupid this all was. What he didn’t expect was X gently cupping his face in his hands, turning his face so their eyes met, looking at him with sympathy. “Nightmares…? Bad enough to keep you from recharging? Zero, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”
Well, it was a relief that X at least wasn’t judging him, at least not outwardly. “It’s... dumb," he began. "Besides, what could you do about it, anyway? It’s not like you have some magic pill that can make them go away.” He immediately cringed internally at the passive aggressive tone of his response; X was trying to help him and this was the thanks he was giving him? “I… that came out wrong. It just didn’t seem important, and I didn't want to bother you. I mean, you have more important shit to do, and I can tough it out…”
“Clearly, you can’t,” X replied with a saddened sigh, “and you shouldn’t have to. Of course it’s important, Zee… I can’t imagine how awful it must be that it’s keeping you awake this much. I’m sorry for being so aggressive with this, I just… I’m really worried about you, okay? You go through so much, but you never accept help…”
“You have more important things to worry about,” Zero repeated, avoiding X’s concerned gaze. “I appreciate that you care, but…”
“No. There’s nothing more important than this.” X interrupted firmly. Before Zero could object, he kept going. “I don’t care if you think you don’t deserve help- you do, and I’m not budging on that! I want you to be happy, Zero- and I know I can help, if you’d just let me! ”
Zero finally met his eyes. “I… I can’t give anything back, though. I just cause you more grief…”
“That's bullshit.” X wasn't budging at all. “You don’t have to give anything back- that’s not how any relationship works, it’s not transactional! And besides- either way, you do! How many times have you dropped everything at a moment’s notice for me? How many times have you gone out of your way more than anyone else would to make my day even a little better? Hell, you died for me! TWICE! ” X let out a heavy breath, his expression stricken. “God, Zero, how long... Why is it that you keep treating yourself like this? Is that why you never let me help you...? Just… let me do this one thing for you… You deserve to be happy, too. You deserve love too, ok? Even if I can’t convince you of that, please let me try to help you…”
X’s defeated expression broke the tiny remains of Zero’s resolve. “I… okay… I just don’t know how you’re planning to help…”
X took a deep breath. “Thank you… I have a few ideas. First, a weighted blanket, maybe a recharger-safe mattress… A white noise machine with rain and crickets in the background might help too. I have all of those, so it’d be easy to set them up and start… I’ll stay nearby and make sure you’re ok.”
“...Those are very specific suggestions, and none of those sound practical, but… I trust you. If you think it’ll help, I’ll give it a try,” he replied tentatively. Truthfully, Zero expected nothing from this, but if it could get his partner to stop worrying so much, it was worth a shot.
If it didn't work, he could just pretend it did for X's sake.
It took all of five minutes to set up, and more than half of that was fiddling with the fitted sheet, which refused to go all the way over the mattress- it took the two of them wrangling it together to get it set up. Neither of them mentioned that they were in X’s dorm and not Zero’s- they both knew he was more comfortable here than in his own room. Zero was about to ask how and why he had all these things so conveniently ready to go in his dorm, but was interrupted by his own confusion when X turned off the lights and powered on the noise machine.
“Now?” Zero asked, baffled. “It’s 3pm; that’s the middle of the day, X. We both still have shit to get done.”
“Not anymore,” X replied. “I already got Alia on board. We both have a few days off- we needed them anyway. No, that won’t count from your vacation days; Alia is just as aware of your condition.” Ignoring Zero's attempt to protest that, X scooped him up in a bridal carry (despite the squeak of shock and embarrassment that Zero would never admit to making) and set him down in the pod, quashing his protests with a shushing noise. “You said you were willing to try it. You better not be going back on that.”
Zero sighed in defeat. “Okay, okay.” Gingerly, he pulled the weighted blanket over himself, unused to the feeling of having anything over him… but it wasn’t unpleasant. X’s room also had a far less annoying window placement, so the city lights weren’t directly in his face. “When did you get all this stuff, X?”
X paused before replying. “...After the first war, and for a while after the fifth, I had nightmares too… these helped. That’s why I’m so sure they’ll work now.”
“...Helped… but did it stop them?” Zero asked, sitting up.
“Well, no… but, you know, I manage,” X replied with a nervous chuckle. “I mean, yeah, there are a few sleepless nights sometimes, but I cope-"
“Fuckin’ hypocrite!” Zero grabbed him by the waist and dragged him into the pod, earning a squeak from him as he wrestled him. “There you are getting all fussy about me when you’ve been neglecting yourself just as much for years-!!” Truth be told, he wasn’t actually upset, and he knew X could tell, judging by the other’s laughter and playful shoving. “You better not give me any more shit for this, jerk!”
“Okay, okay!” X finally stopped laughing, catching his breath. Zero watched, and, out of curiosity, did a quick scan on him-
“FIFTEEN PERCENT?!” He was honestly too shocked to be angry. “What- how- how have you not keeled over by now?! What the fuck!” Zero furrowed his brow. “Alright, if you’re gonna make me try this, you have to do it too!”
X was sheepish. “I, well- Wait, but there’s only one pod!” His face flushed red and he stammered out more protests, but Zero pulled him back down, replying, “Nope. If you wanted to be all shy, you should’ve taken proper care of yourself, idiot.” He pinned X down with his full weight, flopping over onto him. “You’re not going anywhere.”
X finally relented with a flustered chuckle. “Okay, okay… but don’t get all mad if I wake up and accidentally punch you or something.” He reached over and pulled the blanket up over the both of them.
It was silent for a while, the background noise providing a comfortable distraction from their thoughts. Zero, whose overactive ventilation system usually left him cold, was pleasantly surprised at the soft warmth from the blanket and from X. It’d been weird at first, but honestly, he could get used to this…
Zero didn’t even know what year it was when he woke up, lifting his head groggily and blinking a few times. His hair was a wreck, and they’d both somehow shifted position to be sleeping side by side, half cuddling. He felt X stir next to him as he checked the time.
6am on the dot. Shocked, Zero sat upright- he was at full charge, and it seemed X was too. He watched his partner’s eyes widen as he figured out the same.
“...Hey, I didn’t have any nightmares,” X realized out loud. “Did you?”
“None at all,” Zero replied, just as surprised. “Huh, maybe we should do this more often…”
“Definitely,” X replied, before failing to suppress a snicker. “Maybe you should put up your hair first next time, though… It looks like a hurricane hit you!” He burst into a fit of giggles.
“Whuh- hey! Jerk!” Zero threw a pillow at him, before pausing. “Heh… yours looks even worse!”
Laughter echoed through their dorm as a pillow fight broke out, continuing into a wrestling match as the sun rose. Things still wouldn't be easy- nothing had been solved, per se- but as they enjoyed the brief respite from their problems, both X and Zero each came to the silent conclusion that they could handle anything, so long as they faced it together.