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Steve feels exhausted and wired and tired and grateful and sad and full and empty and happy and angry. He feels like everything around him is trembling on the edge of falling over something. He can’t decide if he wants to take a deep breath and just blow everything off it’s proverbial ledge or close his eyes and cross his fingers that they can just hold on just a little bit longer.
“Hang out for a bit,” he says instead, reaching over and putting a hand on Danny’s arm, sitting in his driveway and not moving to get out of the car.
And Danny just gets it, doesn’t he, because somehow Danny just gets him . This man that punched him the first day they met, and Steve’s not so unaware of himself to think that he didn’t deserve that punch. This man that went toe to toe and spat fire and piss and vinegar at him throughout the entire 9 months of their coexistence. He gets Steve, and he’s staying anyway.
“Yeah,” Danny’s saying, and then unbuckling and looking at Steve with this relieved, tired, confused look on his face that slowly turns into annoyed amusement. “What, in the car? Can we at least get out and go inside where there’s beer?”
Danny unlocks the door with Steve’s keys because Steve fumbled them twice and dropped them the third time, and Danny doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t make fun of him, he doesn’t mock him, he doesn’t crack wise, he doesn’t even ask him if he’s okay. He simply bends down, finds the right key, and unlocks the door and goes in. Steve hesitates in the doorway, fingering the door jamb and thinking home. Home .
He follows Danny into the kitchen and leans against the counter and surveys the room, taking stock as Danny opens the fridge and pulls out two beers. Everything in its place. Coffee cup drying upside down by the edge of the sink. One plate in his sink, toast crumbs still on it. He was only gone a week, but it felt like more. It felt like months. It felt like years.
It hadn’t been as terrible as it could have been, though. Steve can take care of himself. He’d been utterly and completely alone in that place, but the inmates had learned pretty quickly that they’d get a broken arm or worse if they fucked with him. The worst had been the alone. Just him, alone in his cell, mocking cat calls from other cells and the guards. The fucking guards.
Even now Steve struggles to try and forgive them for the things they’d said. For making him have to fend for himself 100%, for not protecting him at all. Even now he has to keep telling himself they thought he’d killed the Governor. That if he’d thought someone had killed the governor maybe he too would have spat in his face, called him names, let him get stabbed in the yard by the man that killed his father.
Still though. It could have been worse. He did have one thing to look forward to, one thing to bring him back to what he was fighting for, to why he didn’t just give the fuck up and give into the fact that this is his life now, living here alone and hated. Doing endless pushups and sit ups and jumping jacks and running in place in his cell. One, exactly fucking one thing , just about every day visiting was allowed, even though it was only for five minutes. Even though seeing Danny through the glass was somehow even more painful than not seeing him at all.
And he blinks and realizes that Danny’s in front of him, holding an open beer in front of his face and speaking.
“-- arm’s getting tired here, Steven, I’ve been holding this beer in front of your face for a good minute here, you gonna take it? Huh? Snap out of it and take the fucking beer, Steven.”
“Thanks,” Steve says, taking the beer, and that’s just not enough. He’s flooded with this feeling of need, this need to just pour all of himself into something. Into thanking Danny, into expressing just how much Danny’s presence meant to him, both here and now as well as then and there. “I mean it, Danny, thank you.”
Danny smirks and tilts his head. “It’s beer babe.”
“It’s not,” Steve says, putting the beer down and then reaching over and taking Danny’s beer as well. “It’s not beer, it’s not just beer, it’s you, thank you Danny, for… for giving a shit.”
“You know, you can’t just take a man’s beer away like that,” Danny says, pointing to where Steve had set Danny’s beer down next to his on the counter behind him. “I’ve been craving a beer for… I don’t know, God, hours here.” He looks at Steve and their eyes meet and Steve knows he gets it, but it’s not enough, he doesn’t need Danny to get it, he needs Danny to feel it. “Of course I give a shit, Steve.”
“Only one,” Steve says, looking away. “You were the only one.”
“That’s not true, Chin gave a shit. He was working an angle, he had to hold himself back, but he was working the angle the whole time babe, you gotta know that.” Danny steps forward and puts a hand on Steve’s arm. “Kono’s going through shit, but she gave a shit too. She helped when she could, how she could. Jenna Kay never stopped. And Joe. We all gave a shit, Steve.”
“But really, it was all just you, Danny,” Steve says, and it’s hard to speak around the lump in his throat, feeling scratchy and raw and like he hasn’t spoken in ages. And he’s not good at speaking anyway but this has to come out, he needs this to come out. “You who visited and reminded me there was someone out there in the real world who not just gave a shit if I was okay but gave a shit if I got out. Who was actively working to get me out, not leave me rotting in there completely fucking alone.”
It’s so weird to look into Danny’s eyes and see them shine like that, unshed tears just like the ones Steve feels but won’t let out either. That someone cares that much, it hasn’t happened for Steve in so long, just so damn long.
Danny grins then and opens his arms and says, “Come on, come here,” and Steve surprises even himself with the ferocity of which he throws his arms around Danny and hugs him to him.
It knocks both of them off balance, Steve’s ass hitting the counter behind him and Danny falling into him as their arms wrap around each other and Steve buries his nose in Danny’s neck and muffles thank you at least three more times into it. The thing of it is, he can’t let go either. After a good minute Danny starts to pull away but Steve can’t let go, he can’t let up, and it should be embarrassing, feeling Danny try to pull away only to laugh and melt back into Steve and retighten his arms around him, but embarrassment doesn’t seem to be something Steve can feel in this moment.
“It’s okay babe, I’m right here,” Danny says, quiet and low in his ear. “I’m here, okay?”
And there’s something clawing at Steve’s chest, this need he can’t get out, it won’t quiet down, it’s just scratching at his chest to get out so Steve tightens his arms around Danny even tighter. “I’m sorry, Danny, I’m so sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for,” Danny asks, and his hand starts rubbing Steve’s back, and it’s such a caring gesture that the lump in Steve’s throat starts to throb and the scratching in his chest get more and more persistent. “You don’t have anything to apologize for.”
“Rachel,” Steve says softly. “I’m sorry you don’t get your family back, Danny. I’m sorry the kid’s not yours.”
Danny’s hands still on his back and it’s like that starts Steve’s, rubbing up and down Danny’s back, one coming up to cup the back of his head. “Yeah,” Danny says roughly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”
“Danny.”
“I’m fine,” Danny says, and pulls away from the hug, pulling out of Steve’s arms and turning around, clearing his throat. “Really, Steve, it’s whatever.”
“Liar,” Steve says.
Danny glares at him. “Excuse me?”
“You’re lying,” Steve says, stepping forward and putting both hands on Danny’s shoulders, turning him to face him. “You’re not fine, of course you’re not fine. How could you be fine?”
“Fine, yes,” Danny says, looking miserably up at him and shrugging. “I’m lying. I’m not fucking fine at all.”
Steve slides a hand down to Danny’s chest and it’s like he wants to heal Danny’s hurt by touching his heart. He looks down at his hand over Danny’s heart and just wishes he could send everything he’s feeling to Danny through osmosis, somehow send electric waves of everything he’s thinking and feeling just by touch.
Looking into Danny’s eyes he feels like maybe he has. “Sorry.”
“Stop, please,” Danny says, blinking and shaking his head. “I can’t… I just wanna not think about it,” he says, settling his own hands on Steve’s chest, like he’s returning the gesture. “Let’s just. Can we just be happy now? Huh? You’re home. You’re free. We’re good now.”
Steve’s eyes fall to Danny’s mouth and that, there, those lips. That’s what his chest is telling him, that’s what’s clawing at him trying to break free. He wants those lips. He wants to feel those lips, taste them. He wants to taste Danny, it’s the only way. The only way he can tell Danny all the things he can’t put into words, and he’s leaning forward before he can think himself out of it. One hand on Danny’s heart and the other sliding from Danny’s shoulder to cup his face, thumb resting on Danny’s jaw as he closes that last little distance and presses his lips gently to Danny’s, his eyes falling shut.
Danny jerks just slightly but he doesn’t pull completely away and Steve spreads his fingers through Danny’s hair and opens his mouth and groans when Danny’s mouth opens as well so they’re breathing the same air. The feel of Danny’s tongue on his sets the low grade buzz in his chest on absolute fire and Steve is suddenly trembling with need so he surges forward and pushes Danny into the island counter behind him, leaning into him and deepening the kiss, sliding the hand on his heart down and down to Danny’s side, to his hip and around to his ass, pulling him up tight against him.
“Steve,” Danny moans into his mouth, arching against him. “What are… what are you doing?”
“Want,” Steve moans back, barely able to pull back enough between kisses to get the words out. “Want you, want this. Do you? Tell me you do.”
Danny’s hands fist in his shirt and hold him there. “Yeah,” Danny says in a sigh, breathing heavily, dick hard against Steve’s thigh. “Want you, want you so bad, yes.”
Steve backs up and starts tackling Danny’s belt, unbuckling, yanking it out of his pants and working on the button, the zipper, jerking Danny’s hips around with his impatience, staring at the sliver of skin exposed at Danny’s hips, his boxer-briefs molding tightly around his hardon as Steve shoves his pants down and then starts unbuttoning Danny’s shirt, stepping forward to crowd into him and kiss him again as he works on the next button and the next, and the next.
“Off,” Danny says into his mouth, pulling and tugging on Steve’s shirt, tugging it up and breaking their kiss to pull it off, grabbing onto Steve’s waistband and yanking him forward into a hard crushing kiss after he tosses the shirt to the side. “Everything, off,” he says, fingers working deftly on Steve’s pants. “Fuck.”
“Yeah, wanna fuck,” Steve says, breathing heavy and ragged, moaning as Danny’s fingers brush over his cock, groaning as Danny’s hand fists around it after he shoves Steve’s pants out of the way. “Danny, fuck me, I want you to fuck me, Danny, now.”
Danny shoves Steve back and for a second Steve feels his body tense, waiting for the blow to come. Looking at Danny’s wild eyes and mussed up hair though he realizes Danny is instead shucking his shoes off and shoving his pants and underwear off. His eyes are all over Steve’s body, hungry and wanting. Steve does the same, drinks in the sight of Danny naked, the fuzz on his chest a new kind of sexy, his thick muscular arms, his thighs, his dick, hard and bobbing as Danny kicks his socks off.
He meets Danny’s eyes and kicks off his own shoes, his own pants and underwear, ignoring the way his hands shake, pushing the lump in his throat away and concentrating instead on the way Danny’s eyes reach inside of him and read his soul.
“Have you been fucked before, Steven,” Danny asks, walking forward and putting his hands on Steve’s hips, pushing him backwards through the doorway. “You want me to fuck you? Is that what you want, or is that just what you think you need to say?”
Steve grins at him and stops walking backwards, laughing when Danny tries to keep pushing him and can’t. “What’s hotter, Danny, do you want to be my first?”
Danny growls and shoves him two steps back. “Damn straight I wanna be your first, but if I am I need to know so I can build you up slow before I fuck you,” Danny says in this growl that Steve’s never heard before, and he thinks he never wants to hear Danny’s voice ever sound any different than it does right now. “Do I need to take it slow, Steve?”
Steve just laughs. “Why don’t you figure it out, huh?”
Danny turns Steve around and shoves him over the table, leaning down over him and pinning him there, hands skimming up Steve’s back and licking and biting his way up Steve’s back to lean down and whisper in his ear. “They fuck you in the Navy, Steve,” he says. “Hard up against the wall, down and dirty quick fucks between ports? Back slaps and cards and quick jerk offs in the bathroom? That’s not how I roll, partner. We’re not gonna be that, so if that’s what you want, think again.”
“What, you think I want a one off,” Steve asks, turning his head and trying to look back at Danny, only able to vaguely see him out of the corner of his eye. “Hell no, I want it all, Danny. You stayed for me, that means something.”
Danny’s hands still on Steve’s ass as he kneels down and mouths his way over Steve’s ass cheeks. “Good,” he says, licking and biting. “Because when I fuck it means mine.”
“Yeah,” Steve says, shuddering, grappling at the table to push up as Danny’s tongue delves into his asshole. “Yours.”
“Say that again,” Danny says, voice strained as he leans his forehead into Steve’s leg. “that was way fucking hotter than I expected it to be.”
Steve grins to himself and lays his hands flat against the table. “Fuck me, Danny, make me yours.”
Danny licks and bites and then inserts a finger, slowly but surely, into him. It’s been a long time for sure, but it’s not his first. Not by a long shot. Danny’s finger feels good but when he makes it two Steve lets out a long groan and pushes his ass back into it and laughs when Danny answers with his own moan.
“Not your first,” Danny says.
“First that matters,” Steve says. “Come on, Danny, please.”
Danny inserts a third finger, and he must be using spit because they’re slick with something but not quite slick enough and that just makes it better. “I need you to be honest with me, Steve.”
“Danny, fuck, I’m ready.”
“Shut up,” Danny says, his fingers stilling. “I need you to tell me you want this. This isn’t some fucked up kind of thank you, and you’re prostrating yourself to show your appreciation. You want me, right?”
“It is a thanks,” Steve says seriously. “But I’ve wanted you since I met you.”
“Since you met me,” Danny breathes, standing up and sliding his fingers out of Steve’s ass, stepping up behind him. The tip of his cock against Steve’s ass. “That long?”
“Since the first time you smiled at me and meant it,” Steve says, remembering sitting on the beach with Danny, talking about why he’s a cop, why he’s here, sharing their first beer together. The cheers, tipping their bottles together, and the way Danny’s grin made his heart skip a beat. “Come on already.”
“Condom,” Danny says, voice wrecked, hands sliding up Steve’s back. “Don’t have one.”
“Fuck me anyway,” Steve says, dick pulsing even harder at the thought. Feeling Danny’s skin against him, no barriers. “I’m clean. I’ve been tested.”
“Oh fuck, I’m not gonna last,” Danny says, but then he’s lining up his cock against Steve’s ass, “been wanting this too long, Steve, not gonna last long at all, are you sure?”
“Do it,” Steve growls, reaching back and gripping the edge of the table. “Fuck me, Danny.”
Danny slides in, slow, stretching him tight, and Steve feels like he’s choking on it the way it fills him up so completely, Danny’s fingers digging into his hips. “Fuck, you’re tight babe, are you okay?”
“Feels so good,” Steve groans, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Since you barged into my apartment and forced me to be your partner,” Danny says, laying on top of Steve’s back as he starts to move in him. “Since then, dripping soaking wet, so full of yourself, shit eating grin, cocky fucking asshole, but something else in your eyes. You can’t hide from me in your eyes.”
“Danny fuck,” Steve says, eyes rolling back in his head as Danny’s pace picks up. He reaches back to wrap a hand around his dick only to have his hand smacked away before Danny’s hand wraps around it. “God yes.”
And that’s when Danny starts pounding into him, amazing sounds ripping out of his throat as he buries himself to the hilt in Steve’s ass and strips Steve’s cock in a punishing pace. Steve thinks he could come just from Danny’s sounds alone, but he doesn’t have to find out because he’s so close from Danny’s hand that when Danny’s hips jerk sporadically and he cries out a guttural “Fuck, fuck, fuck, Steve, I’m,” that it’s nothing to just let go and spill with him.
Feeling Danny come inside him is the hottest thing he’s ever felt, and the weight of Danny as he collapses on top of him after is a close second.
Danny presses a lazy kiss to Steve’s shoulder blades. “Did you?”
“Mmm, yes,” Steve gets out, pushing up. “Move.”
Danny laughs. “So much for the afterglow.”
“Wanna kiss you,” Steve growls, “which is impossible in this position.”
“Well that I can work with then,” Danny says, and slides out of Steve and brackets his arms around him, barely giving Steve any room to roll over before shoving him further up onto the table and crawling on top of him to straddle him. “Kissing is my second favorite.”
Steve grins and reaches up to pull Danny down on top of him. “Next time in bed,” he says, kissing him lazily, winding their tongues together as he threads his fingers through Danny’s hair. “Facing each other so I can kiss you whenever I want to.”
“Mm, sounds good,” Danny says, grinning down at him and kissing him again. “So you meant it when you said not a one off, hm?”
Steve frowns at him. “You ever known me to be a liar?”
Danny laughs. “Cocky asshole, sure, but not a liar.”
“Come on, lets’ fuel up,” Steve says, sitting up and grinning at Danny. “Food and beer before round number two in say, ohhh.” He looks at his watch. “Forty five minutes?”
Danny gets off of him and nods. “Sounds good to me.”