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Jiraiya was not good with kids. Even less good with babies. Every time he held a kid or baby they cried and screamed until Jiraiya's ears were ringing and someone had taken them away. He was sure it was because of his hair (not his face markings or his "beautiful" eyes and most definitely not his face no matter how many times Tsunade tells him it's ugly) since every time they see his "gorgeous" locks they yanked and pulled until his scalp was burning. All in All, they did not like him. Which was fine because he didn't like them either. What with their screaming and crying and they can nuzzle breasts all they want but, when he does it, he just gets slapped.
(He would never admit it, but babies have more game than he does and toddlers could go into the women sauna all they wanted while he barely got to peep before his head is slammed into a wall. Babies were literally in boob heaven and dammit he wanted in)
So when one of his closest friends -excluding Tsunade and snake Orochimaru- asked Jiraiya to watch over his one-year-old kid while he went on an urgent mission (Jiraiya being the last resort as all his other close friends were too busy and "Jiraiya I'm desperate and have no one else to ask just please don't kill him" because Jiraiya would kill a baby sure) and like the stupid idiotic person he was, he said yes. After replying Sakumo looked a mix between relieved and worried, not that Jiraiya could blame him, again he is terrible with kids. Sakumo at least assured him that his son was a genius and "He will be one of Konoha's greatest shinobi I just know it" and well maybe genius babies could understand how totally awesome and suave Jiraiya was. Kakashi the genius would meet the world's "greatest" man and most passionate author and worship the earth he walked on. At least that's what he thought in his head.
An hour into watching Kakashi and things were definitely not working out how he wanted them to. After Sakumo had explained everything, he needed to know for the next few days, he left with a quick nuzzle to Kakashi, kissing his forehead and heading off for his mission. After a couple of moments awkwardly holding the child by his feet, he tried very gently to lay him on the ground checking the baby bag for a toy that the kid could play with. When he did find a toy -a stuffed animal that looked as if dogs had attacked it- he turned to look down at the mini-human and found the dreadful thing gone. It took forty-five minutes to find the kid -in a cupboard, high above the floor, playing with a bone toy- and then trying to grab the kid as he flung anything in the cupboard at his head. Yeah, Jiraiya hated children with a burning passion. Then the next fifteen minutes were of Jiraiya holding the child as it kicked (really hard) and screamed (really loud) and did everything in its power to get away from this dumb man.
(Jiraiya didn't even want to mention the fact anything Kakashi said was swear words that might've slipped past Jiraiya's lips during the whole hour he was here. Sakumo was going to kill him, he knows it, a feeling he also gets after messing something up for Orochimaru. He was so gonna die.)
By the end of the hour, he was so exhausted that even as Kakashi whacked him with his bone toy and swore too much like a drunken sailor all he did was sit on the couch and wallow in misery at saying yes. He had four more days of his brat, and he knew he wouldn't survive. If only...
He quickly sat up, almost dropping Kakashi to the floor, but not caring because he was so brilliant. The answer was so simple he felt stupid for not realizing it sooner.
Now he already knew every baby and kid hated him with a passion and he hated them just as much, but there was one person that for some weird reason all kids loved. Orochimaru. Someone who he knows secretly has a soft spot for kids and is currently in the village helping Sarutobi-sensei with some of his work as an assistant or something. Making sure to keep the brat in his arm, he bites his thumb summoning Gamatatsu so he could go drag his snake friend back here. After giving careful-ish directions and telling him to not let the kid out of his sight, Jiraiya runs off going near the Hokage tower in search of his friend's chakra prepared to use all means of dragging him back. When it's found in the Hokage tower Jiraiya zooms past the halls heading to his sensei's office where he can feel Orochimaru's chakra. Busting into the room he's met with his sensei, Orochimaru, and the Anbu that appear and disappear quickly after seeing him. With quick steps, he grasps Orochimaru's hands into a strong grip making sure his friend can't slither out, before turning to their sensei whose confusion is mirrored by Orochimaru's.
"Sorry sensei, I will be taking him out of your hands for the next few days please don't try to ask for him as he will be preoccupied" both faces are still confused and flabbergasted as he turns to Orochimaru. "You are gonna come quickly and quietly and will thank me for this later or something"
Not even letting him breathe much less reply they're both gone and Sarutobi has to wonder if he should be worried or not. Or he could just ignore it and hope nothing happens too badly (you lazy stupid Hokage)
By the time they reach the Hatake compound again, Orochimaru has tried to slip away at least ten times, each time almost getting past and only actually being stopped because he was kind of curious. Obviously, it was causing Jiraiya a lot of stress and for him to come to Orochimaru it must be something entertaining at least. Entering the Hatake compound he could figure it out quite simply and unknowingly a light smile played on his lips at the child he knew was behind those doors.
But after entering the main house, what they both first noticed was the missing child and a toad that looked guilty.
"You lost the brat didn't you" Jiraiya blanked and he almost just left then and there, placing the problem into the capable hands of Orochimaru. But he needed to give instructions or whatever and so the search for the child began again. Jiraiya, thinking he learned his lesson started looking through the cupboards again, but upon being told the kid was a genius, Orochimaru instead moved to the rooms in search. He usually wasn't one to intrude but, he was worried that something could happen to the young hatchling, and it led him to go for the bedrooms. (He specifically was thinking of entering Hatake Sakumo's but he would rather try somewhere first and then go and disturb someone's private bedroom like a pervert aka Jiraiya).
Entering the room with the cradle and a small futon right next to it he searched in some drawers and the closet before a single picture on the wall has him pausing his steps.
A newly born Kakashi is held gently in the big arms of his father whose expression is of utter adoration at his little boy. From what Orochimaru has heard, the mother died from childbirth, and for Sakumo to still smile so brightly makes the aching pit in his stomach crave a child of his own that much more. (It wasn't common knowledge that Orochimaru has wanted to be near children either by one of his own or training a Genin team, something he wished his sensei would let him have, something he had let Jiraiya have even with how terrible he is with kids.).
Giving one last glance to the picture, he looks one last time around the room before heading to where he assumes is Sakumo's. While the child's room held more windows letting in light, this room was far darker filled with scrolls and texts placed around different parts of the room. A desk laid in the right corner of the room with a couple of pictures placed face down on the wood. Next to the desk is the futon where the child most likely will be. Correct on his assumptions right there on the bigger and wider futon was a small lump, curled closely around the blanket.
Orochimaru let a soft smile break through his mask of indifference and with light gentle steps walked to the small lump who tensed when noticing him.
"Cubling" he calls out sitting just close enough to be present but not enough to scare the poor child. "Why don't you come into the living room, you left all your toys out there, and well wouldn't it be fun to whack Jiraiya around?"
Kakashi moves prompted by the gentle voice to tug the blanket just enough to see who is talking to him and all he can think is pretty. He moves slowly worried this pretty person will leave or disappear and when they don't, he moves towards them, raising grabby-hands and clinging to them when they comply, latching onto mama. His mama. Kakashi liked the sound of that, nuzzling his nose into their neck and gripping even harder so mama can never leave.
Orochimaru was unsurprised by this reaction. In fact, many times he dealt with young hatchlings clinging to him, refusing to let go even as their parents try to take them back. Of course, that was only if the parents weren't terrified of him and what he might do with their child (not like he would do anything, one of the only lights in this dark world filled with his own villages mistrust of him, was the young hatchlings that held an innocence untainted by life. He would never ruin that innocence; he would never ruin them. No matter how many times their parents took them away from him in fear of whatever rumor they heard). Most times when he finally was able to get their tiny smalls hands out of his hair, and back into their parents' arms, the instant reaction would be to cry and scream in pure agony. The baffled parents can only stand there as the young hatchling squirms in hopes to reach him again, cries piercing their ears with the pure sadness the young one felt. It was always amusing to watch the parents be confused by their child's actions. However, instead of giving the child back to Orochimaru and quieting the child, every family booked it away from him with only the cries keeping him any company.
(He tried not to be sad about it, tried not to think about the fact no one trusted one of their own shinobi with children. Tried not to think about his own Hokage, his own sensei, wouldn't trust him with even a Genin team. No matter how many times he asked for one, all he received back was Danzo needed more help with an experiment that is of high importance)
A soft whine left the young cubling and Orochimaru could tell the connection the young one had with his family's animal. Just like Orochimaru's own clan had been very close to their snakes. He gently brought both him and the young cubling up from the futon before drifting back into the main room.
Upon entering the room, he caught sight of Jiraiya face stuffed behind the sofa, his butt pushed straight up into the air like the moron he was. With silent steps Orochimaru kicked his butt and listened in satisfaction at the yelp of pain that came from Jiraiya. The young one giggled happily, hands clapping and a string of curse words leaving his lips. Eyes widened, Orochimaru gently stops the hatchling from clapping and whispers "that's naughty to say young cub, please refrain from those words, am I clear?" with a pout on his lips the child nods his head, stuffing his face into the long pretty locks his mama has.
'The mean old man got me in trouble' he thinks as the soft scent of grass enters the youngling's nose. He slightly smirks before lifting his face to his mama, happy with how quickly all his mama's attention was on him and not the stupid old man who had finally gotten up from behind the sofa.
"Orochimaru did you really have to kick me" Jiraiya says loudly rubbing his butt in pain and lightly glaring at both the snot-nosed brat, who has quickly taken to Orochimaru just like he knew he would, and at the stupid snake who had hurt him. "Yes, it was quite necessary" the snake answers, "not only did it make the young cubling happy, but it also showed me within the time you had him, he had learned quite a few bad words" The glare Orochimaru sends him is enough to bring shivers down his spine knowing he's gonna get a beating for this at a different time. "Right cubling? he taught you those naughty words, correct?" they turn toward the snotty brat who turns to look at Jiraiya, dark eyes staring at the man who had got him in trouble. With an evil glint entering Kakashi's eye, he slowly tears up, glancing toward mama with wobbly lips and a nod of his head.
Jiraiya's jaw drops, watching the kid putting on a play for Orochimaru all the while sticking his tongue out where only Jiraiya can see which was one of the most exasperating things he's had to deal with. Honestly even with all the other stupid snot-nosed kids he has never wanted to drop kick one into oblivion so much as he wanted to with this one. 'Kakashi is a genius' Sakumo had said, 'please don't kill him he said' 'pft as if he's a genius since he can't even tell who the cooler one was out of him and Orochimaru and please Jiraiya would never kill him, just, maybe... throw him a little bit no big deal' he thought all the while Orochimaru was gently cooing at young Kakashi who was soaking up all the attention he could get.
"Well, I hope Jiraiya you are prepared for the consequence of your actions and what I will do to you at some random point in time" Orochimaru's eyes move from the hatchling to his idiot teammate who was probably the worst babysitter that Hatake could have chosen. Honestly, it's surprising that though he is very cheerful and carefree Sakumo who is also known for being very smart would choose someone like Jiraiya to watch his young one. Of course, from his guess, Jiraiya was the last available option and even then Hatake was probably second guessing himself the whole time, which hopefully didn't affect his mission at all.
The paling of Jirayia's face amused Orochimaru greatly and the thought of how tense Jiraiya was gonna be for the rest of the month made it even better. After a very brief explanation on what Sakumo had said to Jiraiya (more in which Jiraiya couldn't remember most of it and instead rambled on about his new book The Gutsy Ninja or something) Neither Orochimaru nor the small hatchling listened to his nonsense, more focused on allowing the others scent to become familiar just in case. After 10 minutes of Jiraiya being an idiot and wasting time, Orochimaru sent a sharp glare to his dumb teammate and that's all it took for him to get the hint and poof away. Without the stupid old man in the way Kakashi now had his mama all to himself only wishing his papa was here so they could be a family.
For the four days that Sakumo was out of the village, the two who became inseparable had a simple routine that they both readily enjoyed. Allowing Kakashi to sleep with him after some great insistence, Orochimaru would gently wake the hatchling up, nuzzling into his forehead in a small greeting before taking them both to make food. There he would place the hatchling into his Kimono on his left side, allowing for the young one to stay with him while he cooked. After eating what was made, they would head to a small gazebo further down on the property, there Orochimaru would allow his summons to watch over the adorable hatchling they were so very excited to meet while he finished up some important reports and anything else that needed his immediate attention. After young Kakashi slowly began to fall asleep, they would head back inside where Orochimaru couldn't help but let him sleep on his chest watching the small breathes leave him with so much awe and adoration. Just thinking of the moment that this time would be up left a sharp pain going through his heart, no matter what many said about him, being a parent was something he'd been hoping for since his mother gave him his first summons and out had come a baby hatchling not even out of the egg. It was a tradition for a new egg to be taken and cared for by the new summoner, teaching them how to help their first egg and to see if they cared enough to take care of something so fragile. It was when the egg first hatched that he fell in love with being a parent and all that it entailed. Still every moment he had holding and taking care of young Kakashi was a treasure he would keep forever no matter how hard it was going to be for him to never see him again. At least once Hatake took one look at him and saw the monster that everyone else seemed to see.
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It was an exhausting three-day mission as tension between the nations began to heat up once more. They all weren't outright hostile just yet, but the heated glares that came his way from other shinobi told a story Sakumo was not excited to see.
Still the worst part of his mission wasn't the tension nor the mission itself, it was the dread of leaving his cubling with an idiot like Jiraiya no matter how good of friends they were. He knew when the mission came in and all his other babysitters were already out or busy (like old lady Uri who lived next door and had gained a nasty sickness her body wasn't taking very well) that his only option to have someone he could trust was Jiraiya, not matter how awful he was with kids. It was a desperate moment that had left him very worried during his entire intel gathering and had him bolting the moment he gained what was needed, taking one less day and no rests to make sure he actually had a child to go back home to.
His verbal report, to the Hokage as this was imperative information for the increasing tensions between nations, was finished as quickly as possible and the written report done in a record time even if most of it was illegible due to said speed. He was gone without any chance for them to stop him and heading his way to his compound, praying that he would find his child alive and if lucky an alive Jiraiya as well.
Getting near his home, a smell definitely not Jiraiya and his cubling were the only ones anywhere near his compound. The slight scent of Jiraiya was old and Sakumo did not like the thought of his friend leaving his child alone with a stranger no matter how much children didn't like him nor he like children. He was going to kill Jiraiya, after he figured out who this was and if his cub was safe.
The door slides open just as the person turned around, apron across their chest and the gray tuft of hair from his cub peeking over the kimono, eyes staring in awe at the other. In a way that Sakumo himself was the moment he saw his son safe, because the gorgeous being with long black hair and slanted eyes of a snake was otherworldly beautiful. limbs longs and movements so graceful even when eyes came to rest on him, gently humming in a wispy way to whatever his cub had said. The beautiful creatures' eyes turn sad for a moment and Sakumo has to stop himself from physically wrapping them into a hug and never letting go
"You're home sooner than expected" Orochimaru says sadness taking over his being at the fact he now has to say goodbye to the young hatchling. Because now that Sakumo, who was much too handsome for Orochimaru to handle, was back, he'd be alone again in a way that was making his heart ache. His lonely existence without hatchlings he so very craved, or a Genin team to give advice to, he would be another tool the Hokage would drag about just like he had been. Just like he had forgotten with these moments between him and baby Kakashi whose intelligence was so very cute, and his slips of calling him mama even cuter. Still, he knew how people saw him, and he was sure, that Hatake Sakumo would be the exact same way, hateful and disgusted by who is Orochimaru.
"I wasn't expecting to find my cub with someone competent, so I was quick, didn't know Jiraiya had anyone close who was good with cubs" Sakumo leans against the kitchen counter muscles bulging in a deliberate move to catch such a beauty's attention. He smirks in success as a slight eye movement has the other turning quickly to finish the dinner being cooked, and Sakumo can't help but enjoy that view just as well. His cub Kakashi, who seems very upset about the newcomer no matter it being his father, glares hatefully from over the shoulder and Sakumo can't help but grin at the interesting development this was all coming towards.
"Yes, well, he's an idiot, he had to have someone near him that could actually get something done" moving toward him deliberately their hand placed out gently hands longs and soft looking, so very tempting a sight to see.
"We never officially met, I'm Orochimaru" he cups that hand as if the finest china before kissing the back with a smirk on his lips.
"Well hello darling, I'm Hatake Sakumo but you may call me yours" the cheesy line he'd once heard from Jiraiya slipping past his lips leaving an eye roll but no blatant rejection, so he'll call it a success.
"Heard that from Jiraiya, have you?"
He scratches the back of his neck an embarrassed chuckle leaving his lips. "Well yes, he never could get it to work but I figured I might as well try"
"No, no matter how many times Jiraiya says it, he is not suave at all"
"See there you didn't say I failed"
Orochimaru begins grabbing bowls and utensils heading around Sakumo to the table and setting it up. He turns back a sway in his hips as he passes to retrieve food and god Sakumo would drop to his knees for him in a heartbeat. He'd follow his less human instincts and pant like an animal if he thought that would give a lick of attention from this gorgeous specimen. He's passed by once more with food and a light brush against shoulders has Sakumo turning to follow like the lovesick puppy he seems to have become.
"I never did say it succeeded either, hmm?" Kakashi who had been ignored by his father, is gently set down in his baby seat a small kiss to the head settling him down in a way Sakumo had never seen before. The absolute sparkle of joy in his cubs' eyes is everything and more for what Sakumo could hope for and it all had to do with Jiraiya being a bad babysitter and getting someone who was amazing at it. He really didn't want to give Jiraiya credit for anything but this time, he actually did good, though he wasn't ever telling him that.
Sakumo's eyes track Orochimarus movements as he takes off the apron and begins heading towards the door.
Going to leave.
Without even a thought he grasps Orochimarus hand firm yet gentle as he looked into those beautiful eyes. "Stay" brown eyes stare intently into golden ones never leaving or faltering in their conviction.
"Stay forever eventually if you want to, but today at least stay the rest of the night like originally planned. Stay for us, please?"
There's not a whole lot to think about, even as those words ring in Orochimarus ears. This was getting everything he had ever wanted and more, and there was only one answer to such a question as this.
"Yes"
The grin Sakumo gave was worth all the gloating Jiraiya was sure to give after hearing this.
Oh well, he still had revenge to plan on him for the cuss words and leaving the cub with someone Sakumo didn't even know at the time. Revenge he would take very seriously as his hand is placed in the others and they prepare to eat.
As a new family.