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—I'm sorry...—
Waking up early was no longer even a habit, perhaps an obsession. Now it had become one.
It's been such a long time since we planned all of this...too long, you know?
—Trust me, Sakumo, this will work.— he told me. His eyes were just like mine, his hair...just like mine. If your name wasn't different as well, I would've thought that in front of me there was a mirror. —Sakumo, are you ok?— bringing me back to "reality". I nodded —Yes, Kurumo. Yes.—. Of course he understood I was lying. He hugged me tightly. I hugged him back. —There's no other way.— Of course, this did not distract my mind from the butterfly effect. However I knew he was right. I still felt reassured. —Let's not waste more time.— and he smiled at me as he prepared the alcohol. I, instead, took the cotton swab, which was also prepared on the spot. He extended his hands, holding the vial and I moistened the alcohol swab. My brother put on not one but two pairs of gloves and opened the book with the special seal. He leafed through it with a delicacy that even in such a moment, amused me... because it was not for him to be delicate. Brushing page after page, our eyes rested on the yellowed pages, on the ink engraved for years. I have to admit that the Village of the Leaf is numerous, but I didn't expect to see so many dates of birth on each page. From the noblest clans, such as the Sarutobi, the Uchiha and the Hyuga, to the humblest ones. And we're talking about this book, because on the shelves the catalogs of births and deaths were uncountable. —Quick Sakumo, we don't have long left before the Hokage's guards enter..—. Firmly and calmly, I rubbed the alcohol swab to absorb the ink of an insignificant name. Then, I replaced it with my own. My name. My clan. My date of birth. I wonder how much it will take them to open this book. They're... entertaining. Such delicate information are so "obvious" to be questioned. While Kurumo cleaned up the evidence, I sprinkled dust on the book. And we put it back in place. Exactly where it was. —We did it, Sakumo, now you're a "Ninja of the Leaf".— He snorted. Such a risk we were running. I smirked, why don't you shut up, Kurumo? —Let's go, quick.— I said. We looked around one last time to escape and run between the feet of the sleeping guards... The job wasn't over, Kurumo needed to "become a Ninja" as well. But not here. We moved in another village.
It will work.
I got out of bed and went to check if Kakashi was sleeping. He was. As good as he is at pretending, he was really sleeping. My little boy...
Silently I went down the stairs, and I opened the secret wooden compartment that I built years ago in this little house. I closed the entrance behind me and crossed the tunnel to reach my personal storage room, where I kept things that should never have come out of their place. Not now. I sat down at my desk and opened the drawer where I kept the letter from Kurumo that he sent me not long ago. I opened it and read the content:
«Sakumo, I hope everything goes well, and that you and Kakashi are safe. I'm sure of it. In exactly one week I will come to visit you,- Exactly one week. You sent me this letter...five days ago, all right. Only two days. -I'll also bring Hitashi with me, so the kids will play together while we're going to have a "talk".. Oh, and prepare your pistachio desserts, don't forget it. I won't share the rum if you don't. A hug.» -Kurumo
I chuckled a little at the last part, then I reread the "we're going to have a "talk" part. I got distracted, and heard footsteps upstairs. I hurried back in the kitchen to prepare something. —Morning, tōsan.— My heart always filled with an unexplainable warmth every time I realized I'm a father. Yes, I am sensitive. You'll find it strange when you'll read the "other" work. I see you, remember that. Don't rush, take your time reading. I'll be waiting for you. And what's going to happen, just to make sure you know...it's also your fault.
Wake up.
I turned to hug Kakashi. I picked him up in my arms while I flipped a pancake in the pan. As I spent the morning with my son, I thought about the mission I would have to accomplish in no more than an hour. Before long, I planned the strategies I would use in battle and began to scribble a sketch of them on my paper towel. My son is probably looking at me with the expression- yes that one. He's doing it again. Kakashi stared at me with that amused face. —You're doodling again.— I smiled softly and went back to the scribble. Adorable. Maybe after the mission I will also be able to find time to talk to Hiruzen.
In the middle of the fight, while trying to act just like another normal Ninja, I thought about my men, in my land. All of them there all alone. Fighting against a threat they can't defeat, while I'm still here, pretending to be a shinobi of the Leaf and fighting alongside them. It's not fair. I have nothing against the village, nor with their way of life- strange, but acceptable. Except that... It didn't seem right, at all, to stay here while the people I love risk their lives every day. Was it right? But I'm doing it for my Kakashi. He is intelligent for his age. He knows what is going on. He misses home. His family. His friends. His school. Everything. He's already suffering enough for my taste...
—Hey, Might Die!— a Jonin of the Leaf shouted, laughing. His friends all along. My eyes saw a man, dressed in green. What a peculiar look, and his eyes gave me an instant sympathy. Then I turned my attention to the name by which the man had been called. It wasn't nice. —What are you doing right now, huh~?— —You're not going to do 100 laps around the village again, are you~?— —Of course I'm going to do that! There's nothing more important than take care about yourself!— —You didn't even manage to pass a very simple Chunin exam!— and they laughed again. —Good luck then~— —Thank you for your support!— the guy in green said with a thumb up. The men, still in a fit of laughs and mean jokes, walked off. A man who always smiles... This "Might Die"...mh, what a man. —Hey, you.— I don't know why I decided to approach and start a conversation, maybe he wasn't even nice, yet something pushed me to do it. And I did. The man noticed me and his eyes became two twinkling stars. It is likely that he recognized me. It was not my intention to gain fame, but even here I could not do anything about it. Or maybe I could. I approached him, making sure my eyes looked normal, and calmly asked him —What's your name, gentleman?—. For a moment, a microsecond, I saw a different spark in his eyes that differed greatly from his seemingly energetic personality. He was vulnerable, perhaps I was too rash, or the man was simply not used to being given a compliment, or any cordial appellation, in his life. I saw him compose himself immediately with a sparkling energy. —My name is Might Dai! The Eternal Genin!— I nodded slowly to myself, now I understood the reason for so much hatred. I did not think that this village was so rigorous as to humiliate a man just for his classification. They are all the same. How boring. —Sakumo Hatake.— I revealed my name and the man almost threw himself on me to shake my hand. A lot of energy, maybe too much for my taste, but it wasn't negative. And he's different, I appreciated it. I shook his hand. It was impossible to not notice the little boy hiding behind the tree who bore many resemblances to the man in front of me. Same eyebrows, same round eyes and same hair color. He seemed worried, for his father- I mean. Yes, it's the son. I just smiled.
Seems like the day arrived..
—Kakashi!!!— Hitashi shouted full of joy, running towards his cousin to hug him. Kakashi hugged back. —Don't shout, Hitashi, it's almost midnight!— Kurumo whispered; he also entered and closed the door behind him. The two cousins took each other by the hand and ran up the stairs to Kakashi's bedroom, to sleep together. We both smiled at the scene. Kurumo hugged me tightly. —How are you two?— —We're both fine. And you?— —There's so much you need to know.— As we sat down, I placed the plate of pistachio sweets in front of him saying: —Satisfied now?— —Yes, enough.— We chuckled together, we talked all night drinking rum and smoking cigarettes. I missed the good old rum and cigs of our homeland. Believe it or not, it was the main conversation we had.
—How many of us died?— —Two thousands and seven..— —Damn it..— I sighed. —They hide among us, they are dangerous. They might even pretend to be our children's teachers... Even children are too close to death. It's not fair, Sakumo...— his hands tightening in fists. Then he kept talking —I'm worried about them...— his gaze shifting to the ceiling, his ears allowing him to track the steps and the sweet little voices of our little guys. —They're going to take them as well...they will try to take the two of us. And they come next.— —Seems like we have to die sooner than expected...— —We must do it...—.
There was a long silence. And more glasses of rum.
It was early in the morning. We were both leaning against the threshold of the door, watching our children sleep embraced. If only our wives could see them. How beautiful those rebellious wads are.
Kakashi was 4 years old when we went to visit my brother and his lovely little son, my nephew. But this time something has gone wrong. Horribly wrong. —Dad, what's going on?— Kakashi said cautious, while Hitashi clinging on him a little. —Kids...— Kurumo whispered. —Run...— obviously the kids didn't understand. I repeated what he said. —...run.— The little ones started moving their little feet, taking steps back. —RUN!— and they ran away. Not knowing where they were going, nor the reason. The two just ran away. We were afraid, scared to not be able to see them ever again. But we knew we're going to see them again. That made us feel alive. The steps heavy and the screams distorted were getting closer and closer. Me and my brother looked at each other with knowledge. —I never felt so alive...it feels- wow...— —...1..2..3!!— following him with no hesitation.
We made it out of it alive. We found our kids. How much these little ones had run? They had gone so far. Of all the places we never thought we would find them there. I won't tell you now, it's too soon. You need to go crazy to be normal. The two were horrified to see us full of blood, and we were equally horrified to see them covered in blood. Those adorable, beautiful wounded hands and those traumatized faces. My brother and I looked at each other in horror, facing each other like facing a mirror. I picked up my son in my arms, Kurumo his. We understood each other instantly. Time has come. —Goodbye, Sakumo. See you soon?— —Goodbye, Kurumo. Yeah, see you soon.— Both of us parted ways forever. ??? While my son has fallen asleep, I used a Jutsu to erase completely his memories and creating new ones which over time he will perhaps also forgot. I'm sorry Kakashi, but once I'll abandon you, you're going to feel destroyed. I don't want you to accumulate further suffering before it happens. I don't want you to blossom now.
With a completely unexpected tranquility, I perched on a wooden beam, even with my legs dangling, listening to a conversation that no one should ever have heard between Danzo and the Third Hokage, Hiruzen. The two had been rivaling for the position of Hokage for some time. How hilarious, though I wasn't interested in this dynamic. I don't want to get involved neither. I promised to Hiruzen to think about his proposition. The Hokage role is not for me. I was here to hear about this secret mission. —I don't think about sending even one of your men, Danzo. I know very well what you're going to do.— —And tell me, who are you planning to send on this mission, huh?— —Sakumo.— —Yeah, Him, of course..— rolling his eyes, already thinking about something. That man never liked me, He's putting in place a plan to destroy me. That's exactly what I was trying to find out. Actually, I already knew. I wanted to hear it from him. The only person that could ever kill me it's me myself; I had to do it right, and I needed a very good medium. A great excuse. Something that distracts people's minds from even just thinking. People must forget about me to remember me forever. —I will officially give a start to the mission in two weeks.— finally Hiruzen spoke —And so be it..— Danzo said in threatening tone. Cute.
I came home late, Kakashi seemed serene. Thank goodness. Even today he seems to remember nothing. He's 5 years old now. I quietly entered my "office", looking for a document. It was one of those that I should have hidden, like the others, but I told myself to do it later. And damn me that I did it. I wasn't finding it. I kept looking for it until I found a note that said «Good luck..».
—Oh no...no no no...they're here. They found us. Found me...— didn't you read it before? The same call I used to get your attention. I told you, I'll be here. Waiting for you. You're here now. Kakashi was still too young to manifest his white light, but I was an adult. "They" wanted it. They have always chased me, hunted me. Found me. They know where I am. Kakashi is in danger... they're going to take me, and they will take him too. I won't allow this. With each passing day I felt more and more alive. I had little time left.
Danzo was a very smart man, however, he had a defect: he had the need to talk to someone about his plans. It wasn't convenient to talk to someone about your last plan when you have things to hide, was it? He would mumble to himself as if he were imagining talking to someone. Now it was clear. Danzo was going to make sure that the mission would have brutally failed, he would have spread the news, permanently ruining my reputation, and finally, as icing on the cake, he would have sent his men to kill me to avoid a huge burden. Risky. I listened carefully to his plan, nodding to myself. I knew what to do.
During the mission, I immediately perceived Danzo's men hiding in the trees, ready to interfere and sabotage the mission, but what really concerned me were those other presences that had been chasing me for a lifetime. "They" were getting closer and closer. Danzo's men, wearing masks to hide their identities, attacked, and the presences took advantage of this to launch an attack that petrified the Ninjas with fear. While the Ninjas had mistaken them for their enemies, Danzo's men trembled with terror, because they weren't responsible of this, and kept wondering who was the architect of this terrifying technique. As if it was a Jutsu.
Seeing my "allies" fall victim to that deadly and chilling attack, I decided to abandon the scrolls, dropping them to the ground, and save them. For a brief moment, instead of the Ninjas, I've seen my old friends, my family, my people. My home, my brother, my son. That's what had prompted me to save them. It felt so human... Danzo's men were brutally killed by the unknown presences who disappeared without a trace, taking the lives of anyone who witnessed them, except me. As a warning, obviously. That was a warning. The next one was me. Despite this, I let Danzo's men, before reaching their tragic end, to sabotage the mission, as the Leaf's enemies stole the scrolls I purposely left. It was done. I did it.
Back in the village, the news of the very important failed mission spread throughout the village, reaching the ears of Danzo and the Third Hokage. My reputation dropped dramatically low. Might Duy was always by my side, as he felt indebted: I was the only one who had not looked at him with derision and pride. I knew he was different, he's a great man. A great soul. His son won't lack of it.
It was raining heavily. Kakashi would be back home in no more than two hours. I was washing dishes when I heard voices calling me. Here I am, about to die. I felt suffocated. Why? I brought my hand on my heart, containing the panic attack that was afflicting me. It's been so long since I've felt like this. I realized how my son gave me the most precious gift I had: love. Right now I felt fear for the very last time. Fear for him. I wasn't ready to die, not so soon at least, but I knew I had to. I got my diary, began to write hastily:
«Kakashi, I know you're going to hate me for this, but please understand that sooner or later they would have found me. If I don't do it, they're going to find you as well. I promised to your mother to protect you at all costs. And I will keep my promise. I don't want you to forgive me, nor do I want you to try to find something to justify me. The Gods will make sure that you find this when the time comes. Oh, Kakashi, how I wish to see you grow, spend more time with you. But I can't. We'll meet again, I promise... I love you...» The tears blinded me.
I "hid" the notebook in my studio. Then rushed to the bathroom. Now read this. First of all I paired sulfuric acid with nitric acid, creating a substance that would immediately destroy the epithelial tissue of my vocal cords. Don't you find it fascinating? I drank it. Then it was needle and thread moment. With trembling hands I stuck the needle into the soft flesh near my jaw. I sew my mouth shut, resisting the excruciating pain. The cold air and dust that came into contact with my open skin made me feel more pain, waking me up more and more. I couldn't count how many times the needle fell out of my fingers. The sink became unsightly. I would thread the needle and pull. Thread the needle in and pulled. With each pull, the thread passed over the new open hole, dragging blood with it. I grabbed the alcohol and wiped the blood from my face, letting alcohol enter my wounds, adding to the excruciating torture. Some minutes later I cleaned the sink with water, swallowed the pieces of skin torn from the sewing process and stuffed into my mouth before sewing it all the way up. I shuddered in pure horror.
Cold hands grabbed me by the limbs and my body was pushed backwards, in time of nothing I found himself kneeling on the floor of the living room. I looked at the shadows staring at me, laughing at me. Kinda. However, their distorted expressions turned from amused to angry. I had sewn my mouth shut, just as all the members of the family, or how you call it- clan had done before dying. They tried to take possession of my mind but the white light pushed them away. It was useless, I wouldn't say a word. They looked into my eyes and with their mouths inhaled the life left. Just to speed up my dying process that I had started. And I let them. The only person who will be able to kill Sakumo Hatake, is Sakumo Hatake himself. My body temperature dropped, the soul left my body. My last thought was my son. For a moment I could've sworn that my kid was standing right over there, close to me, and I curled up to myself as if convinced that I was embracing him.
Not long after, Kakashi had returned home. And he saw his father's body slumped on the ground. The shadows disappeared while Danzo's men, who had also reached the place at that moment, remained hidden in the shadows, surprised, not too much though, to see that the great Sakumo Hatake, The White Fang, victim of suicide.
Mh... If you love reading, you would agree with me that letting a character speak in the first person just to kill them off later is a terrible choice. And I'll confirm it to you: it is. But let's be honest, do you really think I am dead? Do you actually think you're alive? Who are you? Do you even know what's real? No, you don't. Read outside the corners, and in all of this make sure to have fun. Now you have to excuse me, I have some things to do. With love...
-Hatake Sakumo.