Chapter Text
Oracle hadn’t said much over the coms. For some reason, she couldn’t stop laughing or gushing at how adorable it was. All the information Jason, Tim, Damian, and Alfred got from her was that something had happened to Bruce, and the effects were… cute? No one could imagine Bruce being cute, but they supposed they’d see what Oracle was talking about soon since the Batmobile sorta slowly creeped its way into the cave.
Jason had presumed that Bruce had been de-aged. That would explain why Oracle thought he was cute. Tim thought that Bruce was hit with cuddle pollen and Oracle thought it was adorable that Bruce was cuddling his son. Damian refused to speculate, refusing the fact that his father could be or act adorable in any way feasible.
When the front seat of the Batmobile opened, Bruce stepped out looking completely normal. Not cute. Just tall, covered in armor, and the color of the night sky. Completely normal.
But where was Dick? They couldn’t see him through the passenger seat window. Bruce walked around to the backseat and opened the door. Inside, Dick was sitting in the back. He sat there as Bruce reached over and unbuckled him. Then Dick began scooting out of the Batmobile. But before his feet hit the ground, he was swept up into Bruce’s arms and held like a toddler as he was carried over to Alfred.
Dick couldn’t help but giggle just a little bit.
Jason, Tim, and Damian were confused as heck. What happened? What was going on? Why was Dick in in the back seat? Then understanding, the wrong understanding but they didn’t know that yet, slapped them in the face. Dick must have regressed. Now, Dick didn’t normally regress, in fact he never had, but they had heard that it was a possibility if one had childhood trauma.
But as the three younger brothers were thinking about this, they noticed that he didn’t appear to be regressed. Then what was happening? Was he hurt? That would explain why Bruce was carrying him. But why was he sitting in the backseat?
“Alfred, why did you let me take our little one out with me?” Bruce asked.
“…Pardon?”
“B, I’m tired,” Dick said quietly with a yawn.
“One second, chum,” Bruce hushed, then began lightly bouncing Dick, “Alfred, he is much to young to go out on patrol,” Bruce stated.
Alfred blinked, “He is twenty six, Master Bruce, I believe he is indeed old enough to go out on patrol if he so chooses.”
“Twenty six?” Bruce asked, then chuckled before pulling Dick forward so he could look at his face, “Did you hear that, kiddo? Alfred thinks you’re twenty six! Isn’t that silly?”
Dick didn’t really know how to respond to that so he just shrugged as he was pressed up against Bruce again.
“…If it is ‘silly’ for me to believe he is twenty six… what age should I believe he is?” Alfred asked.
“Chum, wanna tell Alfred how old you are?” Bruce asked.
Dick huffed.
“Alright, I’ll tell Alfie for you, kiddo,” Bruce said, “He’s four years old.”
“…Four,” Alfred repeated.
“Yup! He’s getting to be a big boy, aren’t you, kiddo?” Bruce asked.
“Sure,” Dick replied, yawning.
“Aw, poor kiddo. He needs to get some rest,“ Bruce stated.
“I need a shower first, B,” Dick stated.
“Of course you do! You thought daddy forgot about that hun?” Bruce asked.
“No, I’m just making sure,” Dick stated.
“You silly goose!” Bruce said, tickling Dick’s side.
Dick squealed as he wiggled around in Bruce’s grasp. Bruce chuckled before pressing a kiss to Dick’s forehead.
The three younger batboys were confused to say the least. It appeared that Bruce for some reason believed that Dick was a toddler. And Dick seemed to be… going with it. Jason supposed it checked out. Dick was a cuddler by nature and probably didn’t mind getting babied at all. In fact, he might actually enjoyed it.
But Damian wasn’t having any of it.
“Father!” Damian called out, attracting Bruce’s attention, “What are you doing? Are you out of your mind?”
Bruce smiled fondly at Damian before gently setting Dick on his own two feet. He looked at each of his three boys with such adoration and love and they quickly realized he must be seeing them as toddlers as well, causing them to feel rather uncomfortable.
“Aw, there are the rest of my boys!” Bruce said, hurrying over to them and quickly scooping them all at the same time into the same hug, “What are you little ones doing out of bed, hmm?”
Jason pushed away from Bruce and ducked out from under his arm, taking a few steps back. Tim and Damian attempted to do the same, but they weren’t anywhere near as strong as Bruce and they ended up getting hugged.
“Daddy missed you guys while he was out,” Bruce stated, kissing Tim and Damian on their foreheads repeatedly.
“Father, release us at once!” Damian shrieked.
“Oh, baby, what’s wrong, hmm?” Bruce asked as he pulled away and hoisted Damian up into his arms.
“Father!?” Damian wiggled around, trying his hardest to escape Bruce’s hold.
“Shh, baby, you’re okay,” Bruce said before pinning Damian’s flying fists to his side and kissing Damian’s nose.
Damian shuddered, “Grayson, what is wrong with Father?”
Dick, the jerk, was smiling at Damian, “Well, Dami, Bruce is under a spell right now that makes him believe we’re all rather young kids.”
“There cannot be a spell that does that. That is twisted and cruel, and-“
Damian’s words came to a stop after Bruce reached into his utility belt and retrieved a pacifier, sticking it in Damian’s mouth, “Shh,” He said, “It’s alright, baby boy. Daddy’s back,” Bruce then blew a raspberry on Damian’s neck.
Damian began flailing again, tearing out the pacifier and throwing it at Bruce’s face. Bruce just chuckled.
“Well someone’s cranky. We’ll get you in bed soon, sweetie pie,” Bruce said as he began walking towards Alfred.
He pulled Damian from his chest and held him out, “Alfred, can you keep an eye on Dami as I go shower?”
“Of course, Master Bruce,” Alfred said, taking Damian in his arms.
“Thank you,” Bruce said, then booped Damian’s nose and walked away.
The moment the door to the locker room closed, Damian wiggled around, “Let go of me!”
“Of course, Master Damian,” Alfred said, carefully lowering Damian to the ground.
“The f#%$ was that?” Jason asked, wide eyed.
“I told you,” Dick said, “Bruce sees us as little kids. I guess in Damian’s case, he thinks he’s a baby.”
Damian crossed his arms a snarled, “Unreasonable.”
“I’m sorry Dames, but we have to go along with it,” Dick stated, “Thankfully, after Bruce got hit, Zantanna was already there and she gave him a look over. She said that the spell would wear off in a week. But she said it would have negative effects if we fight it. Like it’ll mess with his psyche or something.”
“So… are you saying we have to play along with his allusion?” Tim asked.
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying,” Dick stated.
“Oh f#$% no,” Jason said.
“It’s not too bad. You get a lot of cuddles. It’s kinda nice,” Dick smiled.
“No,” Damian said, “I refuse.”
“Dames, it’s for his own good. If we don’t it could permanently hurt him,” Dick stated.
“I will not be participating in whatever this is. I will be at the Kents’,” Damian crossed his arms.
Alfred sighed, “Master Damian, I believe it would give Master Bruce a heart attack if you ran off.”
Damian pouted.
“Sorry, Dames,” Dick said, ruffling the kids hair.
Damian huffed.
“Well, I’mma go shower,” Dick stated, walking towards the locker room, “Night all.”
***
Dick couldn’t keep lying to himself. He kinda liked it when Bruce picked him up and carried around. Or when he cuddled him. Or when he blew raspberries on his neck. It was kinda fun. And frankly adorable seeing what would have happened if he had come to Bruce at a much younger age.
But as he walked into the locker room, he came face to face with a freshly showered Bruce in an old t-shirt and sweat pants. Once he saw Dick his eyes lit up.
“Aw, hey kiddo,” He said, smiling, “Ready for your bath? I got it all ready for you.”
Now originally, Dick was planning on taking a shower, but a bath wouldn’t hurt, “Sure, thanks.”
“You’re welcome, chum,” Bruce said, ruffling Dick’s hair.
Then Bruce took Dick’s hand and led him further into the locker room where a bathtub was filled with steaming water and bubbles along with a little yellow rubber ducky. He had to admit it looked pretty nice.
Dick had expected Bruce to leave, but instead, he began helping Dick out of his Nightwing suit. Dick wasn’t too pleased with this, but he went along with it, knowing he needed to keep Bruce’s illusion up for his own good.
Speaking of that, he sincerely hoped his other brothers would be able to do that. He was pretty sure Tim would go along with it pretty easily, but Jason and Damian would be extremely hard to talk into going along with it.
“Alright, kiddo, in you go,” Bruce said, suddenly grabbing Dick and hoisting him into the tub.
Dick lifted his legs up so they wouldn’t bump on the edge of the tub before he was lowered into the warm water. Then he leaned back in the tub, letting his muscles relax. Then he felt Bruce’s fingers gently massaging water and shampoo into his hair. Dick could get used to this. He really could.
***
Damian was minding his own business in his room, just reading a book before bed, when Bruce walked in, a worried look in his eyes.
“Oh, there you are, Dami!” He said, hurrying over and sitting on the edge of the bed, “You scared me, kiddo. Try not to run away again, okay baby?”
Damian’s eyelids lowered in annoyance as he stared up at Bruce, “Father, I do not need baby sat.”
Bruce apparently didn’t hear him. He gently grabbed Damian around his middle and pulled him into his lap, “We need to get you ready for bed, honey.”
“I am ready for bed, Father,” Damian stated, annoyed.
“Hmm, you seem cranky,” Bruce said as he stood and began gently bouncing Damian, “Let’s cheer you up, little one.”
Damian huffed. Could Bruce not hear him? He needed to know.
“Father, can you hear me?” Damian asked.
“You sure are a talkative one, aren’t you, baby,” Bruce said before kissing Damian’s forehead.
“Can you understand what I am saying?” Damian asked, desperately.
Bruce didn’t respond. Instead, he walked down the hall before entering his room. Here, he placed Damian on his back on the cushy bed before walking away. Damian pushed himself into a seated position, glancing around. He watched as Bruce went over to a pile of boxes by the wall. When did those get there?
Bruce opened one of the boxes and took out some one piece footie pajamas and placed these on the bed, “Wanna pick one out?”
Damian scowled. No, he didn’t want to pick one out. He didn’t want to wear any of them. There were three, and none of them appealed to him in any way. First there was the Batman onesie, then the Robin onesie, and finally a little stripped green onesie.
Damian’s eyes drifted back to Bruce as he approached again, this time with a diaper in hand. Damian’s eyes went wide. He immediately went to fly off the bed, but Bruce easily caught him and pushed him back onto the bed. Damian flailed and kicked, screeching all the while.
“Oh, baby, it’s okay, sweetie,” Bruce said, “Calm down, baby. I bet those clothes aren’t very comfy, huh. Well let’s fix that.”
Damian squirmed furiously, “No! That is unacceptable! Unthinkable!”
Bruce began humming a low lullaby to his youngest son as he slowly undressed Damian. Damian’s struggles began dying down as he remembered what Dick had said. He needed to play along for his father’s sake. So even though this was the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to Damian, he began calming down, his cheeks turning bright red.
Soon, Damian was dressed in a diaper and in the little green striped onesie. He glanced at the tall mirror on the wall and what he saw he hated. He looked so much like a little child now with his tousled hair and striped onesie. He could even see the bulk of the diaper around his waist. Unacceptable.
“There we are, hun. Feeling better?” Bruce asked.
Damian sighed as he buried his face in his hands.
“Getting sleepy, are we?” Bruce asked, “Okay, baby.”
He scooped Damian up into his arms before carrying him to the head of the bed. Here he gently laid him down and began tucking him in.
“I don’t have a crib for you quite yet, sweetie pie, so in the meantime, you’re gonna sleep with daddy so he can keep you safe. Okay? But right now Daddy needs to take care of your brothers, but he’ll be right back. Alright?” Bruce said.
“Just leave already!” Damian whimpered.
Bruce leaned down and kissed Damian’s forehead before giving him a fond smile and leaving the room. Damian watched him leave, horrified to be in the situation he was in currently. Had Dick said the spell would last a week? He hoped it would end by tomorrow morning. If it didn’t, heads were going to roll.
***
“Hey Timmy,” Bruce said, entering Tim’s room.
Tim, who had been pulling out his pajamas for the night paused and looked up, “Hey B.”
Bruce smiled lovingly and ruffled his son’s hair. Tim’s face tinted pink.
“Let’s get you ready for bed, sweetheart,” Bruce said, kissing his forehead.
“O-okay,” Tim said, nervously.
Bruce picked out a different set of pajamas. Tim had no idea where it had come from. It was fuzzy and yellow but worst of all, it was a friggin footed onesie. Tim gave a long suffering sigh.
Until Bruce also pulled out a pull-up. Tim’s eyes widened as he stepped back.
“B, I don’t need that, I’m an adu- I’m a big kid!” Tim stated, adjusting his wording a little for Bruce’s sake.
“I know you are,” Bruce siad, “You’re getting bigger every day, sweetheart. But you’re only two years old right now.”
“Two…” Tim repeated, “Crap.”
“And I want to make sure you don’t have an accident. Okay?” Bruce said.
Tim eyed the pull-up warily.
“Tell you what, kiddo. If you don’t wet the bed for an entire week, then you don’t have to wear the pull-up anymore. Okay?” Bruce asked, lovingly rubbing his thumb over Tim’s cheek.
Technically, they wouldn’t still be in this situation by then, but whatever.
“Sure, whatever,” Tim said, his cheeks turning a brighter shade of pink as Bruce began helping him out of his clothes.
Then Bruce helped Tim into the pull-up before he dressed him in the yellow onesie. Tim couldn’t deny how nice the soft fabric felt on his skin. However, the pull-up could definitely go.
“There we are, honey,” Bruce said before picking Tim up.
Tim gasped and wrapped his arms tightly around Bruce’s neck to make sure he didn’t fall. Bruce began gently rocking him back and forth as he hummed a lullaby to him. Then he gently placed him in bed and kissed his forehead.
“Sleep well, my little one,” Bruce said.
And Tim was taken off guard by how sincerely he looked down at Tim with love. He looked at him as if he was the only person on planet Earth and that warmed Tim’s heart right up. He nearly cried because that look meant he was loved.
He couldn’t handle this. Not for an entire WEEK.
***
Jason was found mining his own business in the library. He was planning on staying up a little longer because he wanted to finish just one more chapter. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself. But the chapter he was on currently was the sixth chapter he had stated would be the last one.
“Hey, kiddo,” Bruce said as he walked in, “It’s sleepy time now.”
Jason looked up at Bruce from his reading spot, an annoyed look prepared on his face. But once he spotted the look of absolute love, his annoyance died and he didn’t know what to feel.
“Uh… okay,” Jason said, standing up and putting the book back.
“Come here,” Bruce said gently.
Jason took a deep breath and walked over, not sure what Bruce was about to do. Apparently, all he wanted was to ruffle Jason’s hair and then hold his hand. Jason’s cheeks turned red as his brain short circuited.
Jason was led by the hand into his room where he was asked if he’d rather wear the red pajamas or the blue pajamas. Both were unfortunately covered in stars and fuzzy, but he chose the red on. Bruce then began, without another word, taking Jason’s shirt off.
“What are you doing?” Jason asked, backing up.
“I’m getting you ready for bed, silly goose,” Bruce stated, kissing Jason’s forehead.
Jason’s cheeks heated and he didn’t know how to respond. Soon his shirt was off and then Bruce began working on his pants. Jason covered his face with his hands, embarrassed to be treated like this. Then Bruce helped him into his fuzzy pajamas and yeah, maybe Jason found them cozy. They weren’t too bad. Maybe this would be okay.
“Alright kiddo,” Bruce said as he sat himself down on Jason’s bed and patted the spot right next to him, “Let’s read a book, shall we?”
Jason took a deep breath, swallowing his pride and dignity as he sat down on the bed next to Bruce. He was then quickly scooted into a hug and kissed on the top of his head. If it wouldn’t completely break Bruce Jason would have totally thrown hands. Then Bruce took out a Dr. Sues board book and Jason just about died of embarrassment as Bruce began reading it to him and pointing at each word as he read it.
Jason tried pretending he was asleep to get it over with. Thankfully, that seemed to work. Bruce eventually stopped reading when he noticed Jason’s eyes were closed. Jason felt Bruce gently lay him down and press a kiss to his forehead again. Then he tucked him in and left the room leaving Jason to dwell in his own embarrassment.
***
“Hey chum,” Bruce said as he entered Dick’s bedroom, “Ready for bed, kiddo?”
Dick nodded his head. He was already dressed in cozy pajamas and seated on his bed, a book in his hands.
“Can you read to me?” Dick asked.
“Of course, chum,” Bruce said as he climbed into bed to sit next to his son.
The book Dick handed him was called The Bad Mood and the Stick and Bruce smiled, “This is a good one.”
Dick smiled and nodded.
Bruce began reading the book aloud as Dick cuddled closer to Bruce’s side. Bruce began gently petting his hair as he read. Dick grinned as he drifted off to sleep. This was going to be the best week of his life.