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Changbin sighs where he watches y/n train from his seat on a bench, the sounds of their fists hitting the punching bag in a steady one two, one, one, two rhythm. They’re a vision, fiery passion fuelling every breath, and Changbin has to remind himself of every reason he has to not allow his relationship with y/n to progress any further. No matter what the ache in his chest says otherwise. He can learn to be satisfied with having them in his life like this.
At arm’s distance. Far away from the worst parts of his life.
Safe.
Because what else can the man do, when he can’t offer any semblance of a normal life? A normal relationship? In a world away from this one, the next lifetime maybe, where the two of them don’t have to be on their guard at every hour of the day. The thought’s enticing, a fleeting daydream Changbin entertains when he gets a chance like this to just sit with his mind.
There was another, before y/n, he recalls with a rueful smile. All cunning smiles, playful and dangerous, like a wolf in sheep’s clothing that was only ever docile for him. He craved that feeling then, that rush, and still craves it to this day. Misses the way he could forget about the family business and just…exist.
Except there’s no use pestering the dead.
“Hey, Changbin-ah?”
“Hm?” Is the answer that comes out of his mouth, y/n’s inquisitive gaze looking right at him as he blinks himself out of reverie.
“I’m ready to go now, thanks for hanging back.” Y/n’s gratitude comes easy, soft smiles as they undo the wrappings on their hands. And Changbin drinks it all in, despite how undeserving he is. He’s greedy for their companionship, despite his determination to not cross any lines, laughing along with the conversation they strike up on the way back to his car.
It’s only a quick five-minute drive to y/n’s home, yet Changbin wants every second to last. Tapping his dingers against the steering wheel doesn’t help either. The clock still ticks on, and he’ll still have to part with y/n tonight, the one in question dozing off beside him in the passenger seat. He could…hypothetically drive around the block a couple more times to savour their company just a while longer, avoid the creeping weight of responsibility that awaits as soon as he gets home, but he shoves that idea aside. Changbin knows he’s been selfish with y/n’s attention more than enough for tonight.
And they’ll know if the journey takes any longer than it needs to.
Y/n always does.
“…up you get, sleepyhead,” is what y/n eventually hears, Changbin watching them with fond eyes. “We’re here. C’mon, get out of my car.” And wow. Not like the man hadn’t begged them to let him drive the pair of them to the gym and back. But whatever.
Perhaps they’re still tired, or it’s the sudden tension, but y/n isn’t so immune to the look in Changbin’s eyes anymore. Its depth pulls them in, threatening to drown y/n in its well of emotion. And maybe, just maybe, they can excuse their lack of a filter on exhaustion for now.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” He’s playing dumb. Y/n knows he is.
“…like that. Like you’re looking for answers to something you can’t ask.”
There’s silence, after that. For a few long seconds, even the air is still. Breaking eye contact now feels wrong, a sin y/n didn’t even realise they could commit, but they have to. They’ll drown in Changbin’s gaze otherwise. Clearing their throat and rushing to collect their things, y/n exits the car. The slam of the door isn’t intentional. Each step to their front door is heavy, laden with unspoken words and all y/n wants to do now is head inside and process what on earth’s just happened.
A car horn. Changbin waves at them, expression light.
“See you tomorrow, yeah?”
Y/n waves back.
“Yeah.”