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The feeling of warm breath tickled the side of Yuu’s neck, and he tried his best not to flinch.
He and Keisuke were at the library to study, as usual. Keisuke had never been good at it, always quick to be distracted by something else going on around them or in his own head, and at this point, Yuu was pretty sure the fate of Keisuke’s grades rested almost entirely on his shoulders. (He may be quick to scold the other about it, but if anything, Yuu was privately grateful that it gave him an excuse to spend more time with him.)
What wasn’t “as usual,” though, was how close Keisuke was.
Yuu wasn’t really sure what had changed. There was just... a shift, one day, when Keisuke came into their part-time job at Hudie oddly quiet, swiveling his head around the place like there was something he was looking for. When Yuu asked if he was okay, Keisuke had looked like he was staring somewhere past him, through him, and nodded unconvincingly. Even the offer of a free coffee or cake at K-Cafe hadn’t swayed him, and Yuu spent the rest of the evening staring at Keisuke’s contact on his phone, device clutched in his hand, fighting nausea from dread that Keisuke had gotten involved in something and wouldn’t reach out to him for help.
Over time, though, Keisuke seemed to get back to his usual self, cracking goofy jokes again, even if he never did seem to be as comfortable with the storage room as he had been previously. He might have been trying to hide it, but Yuu could see how his face twisted whenever Ryuji asked him to fetch something from there. Apart from that, though, he really seemed to be alright, so Yuu let it go and didn’t pry. It wasn’t worth possibly upsetting him further.
None of that explained why Keisuke had started to plaster himself to Yuu’s side like glue, though.
(He couldn’t tell if this was a dream or a nightmare.)
So there they were, sitting side by side on a wooden bench by one of the tables in the library, and Keisuke had been leaning frighteningly close as he stared at the diagrams Yuu was drawing to try and explain a question from their homework. For now, Keisuke still had his eyes fixed on the paper, brows slightly furrowed as he tried to process what was written there, and Yuu was praying that his gaze wouldn’t turn his way, because he was doing a less-than-impressive job at keeping himself composed. He’d frozen himself as stiff as he could be to not risk Keisuke feeling the shivers that threatened to rattle his entire body, and he felt almost light-headed from lack of oxygen.
“Oh, I think I get it now,” Keisuke murmured, each puff of breath sending another warm flutter against Yuu’s skin. “Thanks, Yuu.” He drew back slightly, turning to his own sheet and thoughtfully tapping the tip of his pencil against it, but there was still virtually no space between them, and their shoulders brushed as Keisuke swiveled. Yuu felt his breath catch in his throat again, heart pounding so loudly in his chest he actively prayed that Keisuke wouldn’t hear it.
Or maybe Keisuke was just used to him being like this. That was humiliating in its own right.
Part of him really, really wanted to ask what was up at this point, before Yuu withered away into a pile of ash from the heat his body was radiating, but the other, usual part of him just wanted to avoid the topic as much as possible. Nothing was wrong with this. Yuu was happy with it, right? For Keisuke to be so close, so comfortable with him? Why would he rock the boat and risk changing things for the worse?
That was how he’d always lived, trying not to rock the boat...
...And maybe, maybe, he was just a bit tired of it.
“U-Um, Keisuke...” Yuu clutched the bottom of the long black shirt he often wore, squeezing the fabric for security. Keisuke glanced up towards him, but Yuu couldn’t even look, his eyes fixed downwards.
“Hm?”
“I was... just... wondering, I guess,” Yuu muttered haltingly. Keisuke let out another inquisitive sound. “You’ve been, um, really close... And I was wondering if you were... okay...” His voice trailed off the further in the sentence he made it, anxiety prickling at his chest, and Keisuke was quiet for a bit.
Oh, good, I really did ruin everything. Good job, Yuu.
“I just...” Keisuke brought up a hand to scratch at his cheek, looking sheepish. “It’s kinda stupid. Sorry if it bugged you.”
“N-Not at all! You didn’t bug me at all!” Yuu nearly tripped over his words with the speed they left his mouth, and he flushed, cursing his outburst. “I mean... It’s okay. I won’t think it’s stupid. You can always tell me anything, you know that, right?”
“Yeah...” Keisuke looked back at the papers on the table, a strangely melancholic expression slipping across his face. “I just... missed you, that’s all. I know that doesn’t make sense, but...”
That feeling began to gnaw at Yuu’s stomach again, that Keisuke was hiding something from him, and it made him feel sick. He tried not to show it on his face.
“...You can see me any time, man. Just call and I’ll be there.” He swallowed, also choking out, “And I don’t mind if you wanna lean on me, either.”
Keisuke flashed him a grateful smile, that glossiness receding from his eyes, and nudged Yuu’s shoulder with his own. “Thanks. Same to you, buddy.”
Yuu closed his eyes, took a breath, and leaned his own weight more towards where Keisuke was pressed against his side. Keisuke leaned back, and Yuu basked in the pocket of warmth Keisuke’s body heat created, fighting the trembling of his hands.
Some part of him had desperately wanted this for so long, and while he was afraid to cling to it should it vanish into mist before his eyes, he also wanted to indulge in it while he had the chance (while Keisuke would humor him). He sent silent apologies in his thoughts, a guilty misery prickling at his stomach through the softness of the moment. There was a thick relief buried in the bundle of feelings in his chest, and it mixed with the guilt to form a kind of elated exhaustion.
“...I’ll always be here to help. Always,” he murmured, the warmth slowly melting his tense anxiety as it gave way to sleepiness aided by the peaceful library around them. He felt himself slouching forward, forcing the words through his lips. “So, please... just...”
He felt tears prick at his eyes through the fuzziness in his mind, and he felt Keisuke’s arm lightly wrap around his side so he wouldn’t fall any further forward. His voice came like a whisper, muffled against his hair, “I won’t let you slip that far, this time,” but before Yuu could even fully wonder what he meant, he finally gave in to slumber.