Chapter Text
“Sweetheart, sit down.”
“You’re going to order me around Erwin? Really? Right now?” Levi’s eyes were welled up with tears of terror and anxiety and while Erwin looked sympathetic, he didn’t seem to care and that was devastating.
“It’s not an order, it’s a suggestion,” Erwin stood up and took Levi’s wrist with care.
Levi, in a fit of anxiety, had wrapped his index and middle finger in his black hair and was tugging at it. The action was juvenile, from his troubled youth, and he thought he’d outgrown it. Clearly it took a high level of duress to bring it back out. Erwin carefully unwound his hair and fussed over his red fingers. They weren’t white yet, he hadn’t cut off circulation for long enough. Levi tried to pull away but Erwin just pulled him closer.
“Get off of me,” Levi said, fuming. “I don’t want to be coddled, Erwin. I want to be respected.”
Erwin let him pull away but with a frown that looked far too offended for Levi’s tastes. Like he had any right to make tonight about him.
“I wasn’t aware I’ve disrespected you.”
His entire life he’d been told that he was an extremist, that he had the wrong ideas put in his head too soon and they were dangerous. But this, this bill, was everything that the runaway subs had feared come to fruition. It was a clear indication that they weren’t done rolling back freedoms but rather plodding along at a calculated pace to ensure that submissives remained at the bottom and Doms at the top. They had the chance to enslave a part of the population and their demented greed made them unable to fight the temptation.
“It’s not… Not everything is about you, Erwin!” Levi paced in front of the mantle, wishing to reach out and swipe all the photos from the wooden ledge. They were images of a mostly happy existence and soon they would be nothing but a reminder of the past. “They’re doing this and you don’t care.”
“We don’t know that they’ve done anything, Levi. We don’t know if it’s signed yet.”
“And you think he won’t?” Levi asked with a bitter, unamused laugh. “You’re an idiot if you think for a second this bill won’t get signed.”
“Don’t get mouthy, Levi,” Erwin warned. “I get that you’re upset but if you want to be treated with respect, I want to be treated with respect, too.”
Levi let out a growl of frustration. It was a time like this that Levi wished he had friends. That he had another sub he could connect with and grieve with. Because surely no submissive out there wasn’t tuned into the screen, if only passively if their Dom wasn’t keen on them being politically involved. There were some who would have no idea that the vote had even happening but they were too deep under, too far gone, to ever recover. The runaway subs called them the Lost Causes. Levi was determined never to become one.
“I just wish you could pretend to care,” Levi moaned, the anguish of knowing he was being stripped of such a basic freedom mixing with that of a partner who could never fully relate to him. It was a lonely feeling, even knowing that he’d have Erwin forever. Because he chose to but also because… he didn’t have much of a choice. Submissives couldn’t end a Contract, it had to be mutual and there had to be another Dom lined up. It had been that way since before Levi was born. “For a second, pretend to know what it’s like not to be the most privileged person in the country.”
“If the television is upsetting you this much – ”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Erwin’s eyes flashed, his mouth set in a line. He was tired, likely. He’d had late office hours today in preparation for the upcoming midterms. “You’re serious! You’re actually scolding me for being upset – ”
“Lower your voice, you’re not screaming at seven pm. We have neighbors,” Erwin hissed.
“Right,” scoffed Levi. “God forbid your reputation suffer.”
“Levi, sit down.” That was an order and Erwin was upset. But Levi was upset too and he struggled to cooperate when he was this heated.
“No,” he shot back. “No, I won’t sit down and shut up. I’m going to stand up and I’m going to…”
“What?” Erwin asked, a touch bitterly. “What do you plan to do, Levi?”
Levi couldn’t fight back exactly. All gatherings required a permit and a big part of the opposition had been pointing out that all attempts had been denied by concerned parties. Essentially they were told it was a flu season, it was dangerous. The supreme court agreed, pointing out that public health must always come first, something the concerned parties all agreed upon in the past, though it was said in a condescending way. Any attempts to do so illegally were quickly snuffed out. If there was one thing America was good at, it was mobilizing troops when they deemed necessary and political dissent was always an immediate call for the National Guard to disperse and protesters were contained and currently being tried for treason. Two had supposedly had connections with terrorists and were in the possession of the State, in some mysterious location, with no contact with their family. And the government was tight lipped about the whole thing and any attempts at going at them legally were thwarted with executive orders.
And hardly anyone would talk about it. Erwin just happened to subscribe to a more liberal channel set and they got some alternative views. Levi barely watched television but since he first heard it mentioned, while he was busy reading, his head in Erwin’s lap, he put down his book and keyed in. He’d focused on nothing else for the past three months. He waited impatiently every morning for the newspaper, almost ushered Erwin out the door so he could turn on the all day news and hope for a mention of it. It came up more and more frequently. The unnerving moment it passed the very conservative House, then it went to the equally conservative Senate for consideration and now it sat on the President’s desk in the White House. He hadn’t commented on if he was going to sign it or not, feigning disinterest, focused on further privatization of the governmental agencies, something that most people were keen on because it had dropped taxes considerably.
News could come through any minute now. Levi wanted to vomit.
“Levi, I said sit down.”
“I said no,” Levi hissed.
Erwin ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. But he also knew who he was signing a Contract with. He knew Levi’s past; he even held the fucking journal of all disciplinary actions inflicted against him growing up because of course they kept up with that shit.
“I will turn off the television if you don’t sit down.” Levi looked at him with open pain at the order, at the fact that Erwin would be willing to take this moment – this pivotal moment – from him. “I… Just, please Le. Sit down. You’re worrying me.”
Levi’s entire body burned with fury and he was furious with himself as he walked over to the couch and sat stiffly, arms folded across his chest. “Happy?”
“No, I’m not. Not about any of this.”
“Funny, you don’t seem too upset about it,” Levi shot back. “In fact, you seem really impassive about the whole thing.”
“What good does panicking do?” Erwin asked, far too calmly. “At the end of the day, there’s nothing we can do. And it sucks, Levi. It really does. But it’s not the end of the world.”
“Are you serious? Are you fucking serious?” Levi leapt up. “It is the end of the world. It’s my rights being taken away.”
“It’s a collar, Levi.”
Levi then did the last thing he wanted to do: he started to cry. He turned away, torn between wanting to storm to the bedroom and to stay and learn if he’d be forced to wear one whenever he left the house. “Come here, sweet boy.”
“Don’t touch me,” snarled Levi. “Don’t… You don’t get it. You don’t listen.”
“I am listening, Levi, but I don’t think you’re being rational.” Levi let out a growl of frustration, a touch keening. He was just so overwhelmed, so angry, with no outlet. It wasn’t like he could just go out on his own to be alone. “I just mean I think you’re letting yourself get a little too upset. So what if you have to wear a collar? It’s just an accessory.”
“No.” Levi wiped away his tears. “It’s goddamn oppression.”
“Watch your mouth, Levi,” he warned. “I don’t want to punish you tonight but if you make me – ”
“If I make you?” sneered Levi. “You make your own choices, Erwin. Because you have that right. Because you were born a Dom. And you don’t even realize how lucky you are.”
“Yes, so lucky I have to work my entire life,” Erwin said sarcastically. “So lucky to be the one saddled with all the responsibilities. It’s not a walk in the park to be a Dom in this world, either, Levi. Don’t idolize what you don’t know.”
“Oh, I don’t idolize Doms,” Levi hissed, the final word dripping with hate that wasn’t directly at Erwin, exactly, but in the moment Levi didn’t care if it abraded him a bit. “I just pity subs.”
“Sweetheart,” Erwin said, in a calming tone. “I want you to take a deep breath.”
“I don’t – ” Levi realized that it was a friendly way of saying, calm down. “I h– ”
Levi was saved from saying something he might terribly regret when he heard the familiar dramatic upscore of breaking news and the anchor sat their desk, a smartly dressed woman because this was a more liberal channel and they hired more than just men.
“We have a clip of the White House Briefing regarding the controversial bill requiring submissives to wear a collar with contact information. Those in favor and authorities have reminded the opposition – and reporting channels – that this is a safety measure and extremist language is harmful.”
The clip started of the president, decrepit and little more than a puppet in Levi’s opinion, a slave himself of his party’s fucked up interests, happy to provide if it let him remain in a cushy position. He’d been President for almost a decade now, steadily plodding his way to today, to making another grand step in stealing away autonomy from submissives. Levi watched, distraught, as flashes popped, lighting up the old man who looked at his pre-written cards. The Secret Service hovered over his shoulders, recently privatized, and these Doms looked much less polished than the ones Levi remembered from before. He could see a neck tattoo on one and his suit was ill-fitting, like they didn’t bother to tailor them anymore.
“Good afternoon,” he said in a grainy, warbling voice. “This afternoon, I presented with a chance to ensure that we take the safety of our most vulnerable population seriously,” Levi let out a scoff of offense. Erwin hushed him but he was keyed into the programming. Perhaps he did care. “And I’m proud to say, I haven’t signed a bill faster since I’ve been in office.” The President chuckled, his watery green eyes rising to look in the camera of his favored new station. They always got the best angles. Their screen’s camera just made his turkey neck all the more obvious. “Now, not to worry – there will be plenty of time to accessorize before this bill goes into effect.” It was said indulgently and gained a laugh but Levi just felt like his soul was being torn to shreds. And his joking manner, as though the submissives would enjoy it, was too much.
“No,” Levi whispered, fingers getting lost in his hair as he gripped a handful. At that moment he might have seriously ripped it from his head, he was so frustrated.
“Fines won’t start rolling out until after the New Year,” the President carried on and then went silent as Erwin turned off the TV.
“Okay – oh, Levi, honey, it’s okay.” Erwin knelt down in front of Levi who was whispering an adamant denial mantra of “no, no, no,” like it would change the reality. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s going to be a transition but that’s okay. Life… life it’s all about change, yes? Good and… not so good. But we roll with the punches and we push through.”
“You don’t care.” Levi whispered it because he wasn’t talking to Erwin, he was talking to himself. “You don’t give a shit.”
“That’s it,” Erwin said shortly. “One more curse word and I’ll get the oil. I don't want to, tonight is… a lot for you, but – ”
“See?” It came out an affronted screech but Levi didn’t care. “You didn’t give a shit! This is nothing for you. Fuck, you probably enjoy it.”
“Don’t speak to me like that.” Erwin raised his voice. “Don’t get angry at me for something so far beyond my control – ”
“Who did you vote for, Erwin?”
“I – what?”
“I asked who you voted for.”
“I… That doesn’t really matter, does it?” Erwin looked irked, maybe because Levi had made him realize that he had a hand in this injustice, too. “The devil you know is better than the one you don’t.”
“That’s not true at all!”
“Listen, Levi,” Erwin said, taking a deep breath. “If you want to talk about this, we will do so calmly. No more shouting.”
“I’m not even allowed to be upset?” Tears were gathering in his eyes again. But he felt silenced and Erwin had always heard him out. “What am I allowed to do, Erwin?”
“Don’t act like I stifle you, Levi,” Erwin said, annoyed. “I extend to you far more liberties than most subs have.”
“And you think that’s right?”
“Obviously not,” Erwin said, rising to his level which was rare but exciting because Levi was in the mood to have a full out screaming match with someone. Unfortunately Erwin was mostly his entire world and the only victim he could find. “If I did, we’d live a much more traditional life, wouldn’t we? But we don’t. Because it upsets you and because… Because some of it doesn’t sit right with me, either. But at the end of the day, we’re two people. Two people in a nation of over three hundred billion people. Billions of people who also voted for him, mind you. I was far from the deciding vote.”
“No, you were just among the sheep,” sneered Levi.
“I wasn’t aware you were so politically involved,” Erwin said coolly. “Tell me, what are your thoughts on China’s acquisition of Kazakhstan? I was discussing it with Moblit and – ”
“Don’t patronize me,” Levi bristled. “God, how can you be so cruel?”
“You’re sitting here blaming me for this!” Erwin pointed at the screen, as though that was the problem. “I… Christ, you’re so frustrating sometimes Levi. Ever since you heard about this you’ve been practically intolerable.”
Levi drew back at that. “I’m sorry, was I meant to be pleased?”
“You’re meant to be happy to wear your Dom’s collar. To wear my collar because you love me and I love you.” Erwin at least tried to sound like he was happy about it but it was a shoddy attempt and it hurt Levi’s feelings, even though he knew that he didn’t mean it. Still, the fact he wouldn’t put in the effort to mind his tone was tough to stomach. “That’s what it is. A declaration of love just like the ring on your finger you were dying to wear every day.”
“An educated man such as yourself should recall the last nation that required people to wear something to indicate where they sat in society.”
“Oh, so now we’re Nazis?” Erwin let out a bitter laugh. “No offense, Levi, but you truly don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re taking leaps and bounds here and trying to draw it as a logical conclusion and that’s not true.”
“What about it isn’t true?” Levi demanded. “How is it any different?”
“Because it is. Just because two things seem similar doesn’t mean they are. You’re not persecuted, you’re not seen as less than.”
“Are you kidding me?” Levi asked. “They’re literally called servitude laws.”
“They used to be called servitude laws,” Erwin corrected. “And they were called that by extremist parties. No rational person is walking around truly thinking that a Contract is in any way slavery. It is an agreed upon exchange of control.”
“That’s required.”
“Levi, we’ve had this argument so many times,” Erwin said with a heavy sigh. “So you have to wear my collar? So what?”
Levi stood up angrily and stormed into the kitchen. Tonight would be the perfect time to have a big glass of wine but he highly doubted Erwin would want to open a bottle for him. He only kept expensive wines and Levi didn’t deserve that given his behavior tonight, he didn’t think. He raised himself on his toes, reaching for a cup, but Erwin, moving silently behind him, beat him to it. Levi turned around with a growl of annoyance. Erwin gave him a warning look, filling the glass with water for him. Levi wanted to say that he was sorry for being so difficult but he couldn’t help himself. He took the glass, perhaps a bit aggressively, and Erwin gave him his testy look. Levi just glared back, uncaring of being respectful when he felt as though what minimal levels of respect he was afforded were being taken back in the worst way possible.
“It’s the fact I’m forced, Erwin.”
“Most submissives wear their collars when out already. I promise you – no one else is freaking out right now.”
“Is that what this is to you? The finicky sub freaking out?”
“Jesus Christ, Levi – are you looking to argue tonight? If that’s the case, we’ll just call an end to the day and go to bed.”
“You’re ridiculous.” Levi didn’t want the water but pouring it all out seemed wasteful so he took an angry drink before dumping it. Erwin gave him a sharp look. Water costs money, after all. “You filled it up too much. If you’d let me do it, I would have taken what I wanted. It’s not my fault.”
Erwin let out an agitated sigh. “Yes, I think bed is best. Give the night to calm down and we can discuss this – calmly – in the morning.”
“Newsflash – I won’t be any more calm about this tomorrow,” Levi hissed. “But sure, send the annoying sub to bed so he shuts up.”
“It’s like you’re hellbent on making yourself a victim,” Erwin exploded. “You can’t just… accept it and move on. You have to linger and pitch a fit even though it won’t help.”
“I might not have a voice but you do,” Levi said angrily. “Fucking use it.”
“Yes, be labeled an eccentric? Get voted off the board? Lose tenure? Being unemployable? I have an image to maintain, Levi. An image that keeps us very comfortable, mind you.”
“I don’t feel very comfortable right now,” Levi growled. “And I hate that you don’t care. I really, really do.”
Erwin took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “I’m sorry, Levi, I got heated. I do care that you’re upset. And I see your points but you’re not even trying to see mine. That's how conversations work, sweetheart. One person talks and one person listens. Then you swap.”
“I’m sick of listening!” Levi exploded. “All my fucking life since I was taken by the state I’ve been told to listen. To kneel and be quiet. Maybe it was supposed to break me but it didn’t. And I’m not letting it break me now.”
“Good!” Erwin said. “That’s not the intention of this. It’s – ”
“Don’t tell me you believe that safety bullshit.”
“Do you really think of Dominants as so evil they have nothing better to do than plot the downfall of the dynamic that literally completes them?” Erwin looked at Levi not quite like he was stupid, but like he was ignoring something very obvious. “That we’re out here to take away all your rights and brainwash you into servitude? There’s opposition, Levi. We’ve heard about them for months.”
“And they’re being silenced!”
“It’s being reported on.”
“Barely!”
“But it is being reported on?”
Levi had a sneaking suspicion that Erwin had come up with a point he wanted to make that he thought was going to silence Levi. “Hardly.” He repeated.
“Yes or no, Levi?”
“Yes but – ”
“Then they’re not being silenced. And they never will be because freedom of speech – and press – are two fundamental rights they can’t – and won’t – touch. The leading party’s ideology worships the Revised Constitution. They wrote half of it! They’re not going to make themselves into hypocrites.”
“Glad you have so much faith in them. But of course you would – you voted for them.”
“I didn’t vote for them.”
“Yes you did!”
“I voted for the best option.”
“This is the best option?” Levi was dumbfounded.
“I – you know nothing about politics! You’ve shown practically zero interest and now you choose to grill me? I told you I had traditional values with some exceptions. I am fiscally conservative and socially liberal. But at the end of the day, you have to choose a side. And right now, unfortunately, there’s the right side and the wrong side. And I’d rather be unhappy on the right side than ostracized on the wrong. That doesn’t mean I don’t voice my opinions. Even the unpopular ones. Trust me, I’ve lost the respect of many defending submissive rights so don’t you dare sit there and accuse me of not caring about you and what you’ve gone through. I’m doing the best I can in this position. A position you know nothing of. So, tell me again Levi, how should I have voted? Do you even know the name of the candidate running against our president?”
Levi’s face flushed tomato red with anger as tears of fury gathered – again – in his eyes. He knew the answer of course but he’d asked anyway. To make a point through humiliation, something that Levi had made crystal clear he hated in the very beginning. That and being made to feel stupid, something his second to last foster Dom was fond of doing. Levi was appalled and he was hurt and he didn’t want to say another word to Erwin. So he turned away and went upstairs.
Erwin didn’t follow. He went back into the kitchen and as Levi jogged up the stairs, wiping his eyes, he heard the sound of the liquor cabinet slamming shut. Levi half winced – an unfair reaction because Erwin had never raised a hand against him in anger but passion can change a person and tonight was easily their worst ever argument. Erwin had never let him walk away without resolution or at least an agreed upon plan of resolution. Tonight he was content to let Levi storm away. He tried to be grateful for that as he turned on the hot water, as hot as he could bear, and wiped away the tears that kept bubbling from his tear ducts. It was frustrating that they wouldn’t cease and his cheeks were starting to chaff from the rough rubbing. Steam started to billow around the plain but classy beige fabric shower curtain and Levi took off his clothes, stepping under the water.
He did cringe slightly at the scalding splatters against his skin as it mottled and flushed at the heat. He let out a sigh of satisfaction at the self-punishment and he loathed the realization he felt he deserved it. How fucked was that? Levi let his tears mingle with the hot water and when he felt thoroughly cried out – standing under the showerhead for far too long – he cleaned up and washed the tears from his face while the conditioner sat in his hair. He’d spent far too long combing his fingers through it, finding some sort of obsessive comfort in the motion until he snapped out of it and carried on his shower . He rinsed it out of hair, gave his face a final rinse and then stepped out. He dried his face first, as it was a fresh towel and then patted the rest of his red body.
He put on lotion, stepped into his clothes, a pair of sweats and a tee, and toweled off his hair before combing through it properly and applying a leave-in conditioner. He washed the residue from his hands, applied hand cream to get back the moisture the soap sapped from his skin, and went to the bedroom. Erwin must have planned to shower in the morning (or he was aware that there was likely very little hot water available and he wasn’t keen on waiting for it to refill), already in bed.
Levi ignored him, climbing into his bed. He had far too many pillows and typically Levi arranged them neatly. Erwin usually stacked them up on his side when he got in bed before him but tonight they were thrust over like Erwin couldn’t bear to be near anything that had to do with Levi. His tired eyes watered and he looked down, moving the pillows and getting into bed. Typically he pressed close to Erwin, even when he was upset with him, but tonight Levi made his own Erwin out of pillows. He was lower down than usual, not sprawled across an actual chest, but the position was familiar and he told himself that would be enough.
Erwin didn’t hasten to bed, much to Levi’s annoyance. He carried on leafing through his novel, his reading glasses on that always made Levi think he looked so much more intelligent, but Levi couldn’t be delighted by the Dom right now. He thought about sighing loudly, to point out that he was ready for bed. He thought about getting up and turning off the lamp himself. He did neither. Firstly because he didn’t want to act petty when he was making a proper point and secondly because he didn’t want to tempt Erwin’s fury tonight. He was left to seethe for another thirty minutes before Erwin gave a small unhappy sigh, put in his bookmark, and set the book down before turning off the lamp.
Erwin settled beside him and the silence felt heavy, like a wall between the two of them. Levi knew that Erwin wasn’t like the others. That he wasn’t a terrible person who wanted to harm him. But he wasn’t helping and Levi was getting so frustrated.
“I love you, Levi. Just know that.” Erwin said and then rolled over, his back to him, and it felt a lot like him taking back the statement.
Levi felt tears running over the bridge of his nose, falling in damp droplets to the pillowcase. He didn’t move his hand to wipe them away, he worried that Erwin would recognize the motion and fret over him when Levi wanted as little interaction with the Dom as possible.
But he still said nothing and Erwin, when he realized his waiting was in vain, simply sighed, “if it makes you feel better to blame me, fine, but just know that’s what you’re doing – blaming me for something I had no say in.”
You had a say with your vote. But Levi just laid there in silence, cuddling close to mostly air and cotton, and tried to pretend that this was all some terrible, long elaborate nightmare and when he fell asleep he’ll wake up and it’ll be April again. But he knew that wasn’t the truth because he’d waited for this brutal wake up when the bill passed. Because he’d known it’d be signed. Even as Erwin soothed him with empty promises of, “that’s a bit extreme for him,” and “his party wouldn’t want to do anything to spoil having control of the White House for almost a decade, it’s too controversial,” that proved to be lies.
Logically he knew that Erwin could have truly believed that but that just made him more angry because it meant he wasn’t willing to hear out Levi or even try to look at things from his perspective because surely, if he had, he would have seen this coming from a mile away. This was their next inch forward. The next ground they were claiming from beneath subs.
Erwin fell asleep rather quickly, laying awake no longer than twenty minutes before his breathing turned deep and even. Levi was disgusted he could sleep easy after such news. But it didn’t impact him. Well, it did because he’d have to go out and buy another collar and that was going to be a hassle because Levi was not going willingly. The vindication felt nice, even knowing the chances of following through were slim. Erwin would placate him, making more empty promises and try to wrap up his travesty as nothing but a disappointment and carry on. Because it was supposed to be enough to have the freedoms that Erwin gave him, not the ones assured to him by the State. And Levi didn’t think it had anything to do with power, that Erwin would ever revoke these rights from him, but Levi didn’t want to have to know that. He shouldn’t be thankful he got a sane, normal man who didn’t make his dynamic his entire personality. He shouldn’t have because so many – so many – weren’t.
You won’t see until it’s too late, he wanted to tell Erwin. You won’t speak up until no one will listen.
But he didn’t. He closed his eyes and fell into an uneasy, fitful sleep.