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Living with Brian and Tim was… something. On most days the three hardly spoke to each other, but Toby still finds comfort in the silence. As much as he hated to admit it, they were his family. Though, it was obvious that all of them combined hardly had experience being a part of one, a normal one at least. Tim had been trying to get better for him, and Brian had slowly become more present. But even with their attempts of making him feel comfortable, with his birthday coming up, the looming dread only worsened. Birthdays hadn’t meant very much to him, or at least he assumed they hadn’t been anything good, thinking back so far hurt his head. Surely they hadn’t been all that great with the amount of anxiety just thinking about it brought him. As much as he wanted to sleep all day and do nothing, it wouldn’t change anything, the two would just force him up. Or worse, they would get concerned.
The worst part is that the two had been acting weird, always ducking away once he saw them or exchanging looks at one another. Hell, almost everyone he knew had been acting strange. Ej had been ignoring his texts, and Nina wasn’t spamming his phone every few hours as she usually would.
Had he done something wrong again? Did he have another episode he forgot, or hurt somebody? It hasn’t been so bad in a while, and he felt as though he had been making progress. Of course something went wrong, he was a screwup and always ruined everything he touched.
Recently, Toby had been making it a habit to spend nights at the manor, typically rooming with Jack, but with how distant the other had been, he was starting to feel unwanted. Was he going to break up with Toby so soon? He wasn’t really sure how he’d take that. It would be his first break up, which would most likely end up being his last relationship at all. he couldn't handle that, really.
Currently, he was sitting at the old kitchen counter in the mansion, eating a bowl of cereal. Usually someone would be up this early and have leftovers that he’d take on, but without that option he stuck to the basics. Well, not basics, but a food he won’t somehow start a fire with, getting kitchen privileges revoked would be embarrassing.
But his mind was torn from his thinking when the side door connected to the kitchen had opened and a few people shuffled in.
Tim and Brain, who were one of the only few here with their driver's licenses and access to a car (if any of the others even had either-) and they set a few handfuls of bags filled with things on the counter. Jeff was complaining obviously about how ‘sore his arms were from carrying the most bags’ , despite only having two that looked on the lighter side (which Jane, who came in upon hearing the commotion, had pointed out). There was small talk between a couple other people as well, but he found that joining in on that may be rude, so he looked at Tim and asked. “Uh- what’d you guys g-get?”
Unexpectedly, everyone in the group’s heads had snapped to his direction, Jeff and Brian not so discretely hiding away two bags.
"There’s literally nothing to see here… just go back to eating, this has nothing to do with you.” Jeff insisted almost immaturely, Brian gave him an unamused look and punched Jeff in the arm, not bothering to hold back, but still keeping his own bag out of view.
And Toby couldn’t help but feel hurt. Yeah, they were all assholes and they told him to go away a lot, but he already wasn’t in the greatest mood. He picked up his nearly done bowl, put it in the sink, and left the kitchen. He was fine, totally fine, he reassured himself, as he stomped up the stairs all the way to the hallway, not bothering to go to Jack. He made his way to his own room and slammed the door. Toby’s room was mostly empty and unkept, if anything it almost looked abandoned. Choosing to ignore the tears welling up he dropped down carelessly onto his barren mattress, no sheets, no comforter, looking up at himself in the vanity mirror across his bed.
To put it simply he looked like a mess. Red-rimmed eyes, heavy eye bags, and his skin a little paler than normal. With a frown, he layed himself fully back onto his bed, throwing his ratty blanket he found lying on the ground over himself and curling up on his side.
He wasn’t sure what to do anymore. What would he do if nobody wanted him around? He’d be stuck wandering off in the woods, no doubt dying over and over again from hunger, thirst, or by something finding him first. Feeling hopeless was nothing new, but to this extent was painful.
He ignored the obvious sound of footsteps walking towards his room and calling out his name. “C’mon Toby, just open up,” Tim said, rapping his knuckles against the old hardwood door. And of course Jeff had to join him, knocking harshly at the door “Let us in, stop being such a baby!” Which earned the man a slap to the back of his head most likely as when he spoke this time his voice was softer “Lord, Toby, I’m sorry please come out?” And in an even more desperate attempt there was Ej, who knocked a soft pattern they used often before coming into each others rooms as to not startle the other.
He contemplated pretending to be asleep, but figured if he was left alone that long they’d end up knocking the door down,
"G-go away already!" he shouted out, an auditory tic of frustration being released, his voice muffled as his cheek was still squished against his mattress.
Hearing the doorknob jiggle a little, and a faint ticking of the metal inside, he knew Brian was at work at his door, causing him to groan and cover his head with his pillow as they entered.
It took a Herculean amount of control not to react at the low whistle and ‘well, it’s certainly a room’ from Jeff or the ‘it just needs a little color!’ from Nina.
He didn’t bother rolling over to look at the few in his room, even when he felt weight join him on the bed, as Tim sat down behind him and put a hand to his shoulder.
“Is this about what Jeff said earlier? It’s okay if it was, he shouldn’t have said that and nobody’s mad at you for feeling something.” Tim spoke gently, trying his best to be soft-spoken and understanding, as it was a little unlike himself. He rubbed his thumb against his back lightly, hoping not to set off any of his tics.
Toby couldn’t hold back his tears this time, not bothering to wipe them away. “No-… n-not really anyway. I just- I ke-keep remembering things- like my stupid birthday, and I h-hate it,” he stuttered out, voice shakier than usual.
And behind him which he obviously couldn’t see, Brian, Jeff, Nina, and Ej all share a look, as Brian was holding a bunch of presents and Jack was holding a birthday cake. Ever the joker, Nina had to cover her mouth to contain her laughter.
At the awkward silence that held up at the mention of his birthday, he lifted his head up and turned a bit and his mouth dropped a little bit in shock.
"We know it isn't much…" Jack spoke, putting the cake onto his bedside table. “None of us know your exact age, and asking could’ve been rude, but it’s the thought that counts, right, Ticci?” Jeff spoke with blatant ignorance towards his nickname, a hand motioning to the question mark shaped candle surrounded by a bunch of miss-matched ones on the cake.
Noticing said candle, Toby couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Nina did the honors of lighting them (with her obnoxiously pink-bedazzled lighter) and handing the cake to Toby, who took it gingerly. Everyone in the room winced once they noticed how shaky his hands were- but Tim simply took it from him, holding it up for him instead.
Toby only rolled his eyes before a sly smile made its way onto his face “Y’know, s-since it’s my birthday so y-you guys have to sing.”
Begrudgingly with a couple of sighs, Tim starts off the rendition of the ‘happy birthday song’ and the others follow, horribly off-tune and too vastly pasted, leaving Toby snickering the whole time.
At the end, Toby blew out the candles, ignoring that there were probably far too many and the cake itself was probably a fire hazard.
Instead of grabbing the kitchen knife and paper plate offered to him, he grabbed a handful and shoveled it into his mouth earning a glare and sigh from Tim. The others take their plates, cutting themself a slice, mindful to cut around where Toby’s-probably dirty hands- had grabbed from.
Brian put his and Tim’s gift down by his dresser for Toby to open another time, at least until he got his hands cleaned. Nina on the other hand decided it was the perfect time to give her own, “Presents! Mine first, because nothing else can top it off,” she shouted, dropping the heavy bag down beside him on the bed. The receiver only gave her an unamused look as the gift was getting glitter all over his mattress.
Toby wiped his hand off onto a napkin handed to him by Jack, before putting the bag onto his lap and looking into it. Inside were a few stray Kandi bracelets in various colors, a Get Scared band T-shirt, and the thing that had been weighing the bag down- a custom blanket with five of different photos of him and others.
There was one of him and Ej sitting in an armchair together on a proxy game night ft.Nina (or an attempt at one) Toby had lost at least five times in every game they played and Jack had to hold him back from attempting to flip a clue board upon realizing his guess that Miss scarlet was the murderer was wrong.
Beneath that one was a picture from the time Jane decided they were all too pale and needed some sun- forcing him and clockwork to go to the beach. It ended up with a carsick Toby throwing up as soon as they got there, triggering Nat’s emetophobia, and irritating Jane to no end. Eventually they ventured out more and had fun, but the photo was of Toby laying down, half buried as Natalie (who in the picture stood proudly to the side admiring her work) made him a mermaid tail with sand and seaweed.
Third picture was of Cody on the floor of a gas station in the Peter griffin death pose. The picture was taken by Toby after a mission together and daring him to do something embarassing for memories.
The last two were from the same night, it was Nina’s birthday but she insisted on having everyone drink. They took before and after photos, the first picture was just a normal group photo with their usual group but the second gets a cackle from him now. Brian and Tim were practically on top of each other holding up their colorfully painted nails, Jeff who had fell asleep earlier had been propped up to sit and a colorful birthday hat adorned his head. But the worst of them all was himself and Ej, who both drunkenly agreed to get a makeover from Nina. Toby with Gyrau makeup, a Mcbling tube top paired with layered skirts. Jack wearing a crop top with flared jeans, and his mask now had eyelashes, blush, and lipstick.
Nina who had been closely watching his reaction started laughing with him before tackling him into a hug. “Jeff said it was stupid but I got it anyway cause I knew you would like it!” the girl explained, backing off, and Toby couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face.
Maybe, for once, he could have a day to look forward to.