Chapter Text
December 14th 1974
Laura was now four months pregnant. She was sitting on the sofa in her living room, feeling hormonal and overwhelmed, while Emily paced around excitedly. Jack was away and Emily had stepped in to keep her company that Saturday afternoon.
“Are you planning to have the baby at the hospital or a home birth?” Emily had been talking non-stop for twenty minutes, “Personally, I always had my doubts about what might be the right choice. I think a hospital would be safer, but at the same time it´s so impersonal…”
“Hospital”. Laura replied irritably, tucking her hair behind her ear.
Emily didn’t even notice her friends’ irritation. “Yes, I suppose you're right. It's safer. Are you alright, my dear? You do look pale.”
“I´m fine, just tired. You don't have to worry Emily”, she pleaded, “I've just been to the doctor. He said everything is fine.” She had been nervous about it, still was. Even though she was still having trouble picturing herself as a mother, her protective instinct had already kicked in, along with the panic of something happening to the baby.
“Of course it is, Laura. You´re so strong and healthy. I'm sure this is the first of many babies you and Jack will have. And I'll spoil them all rotten”, Emily smiled mischievously, “I already started to buy a few things, actually. But don´t worry, I've kept to yellow and green, some pearl…white isn't my favourite. It's so unfair that we cannot know what it will be!”.
“You shouldn't have. It's bad luck buying things before the child is born. Especially this early.” It was an old Russian superstition, but it was not unheard of in other parts of the world.
“Would you rather wait until it's born? But by then you´ll need everything to be ready. I wouldn't have pictured you as a superstitious person, Laura”, Emily laughed, “fair enough, I´ll wait a few more months. But I can't promise I'll do it for long, I´m too excited!”
“You don't have to go through all this trouble. How many things can a baby need anyway?” Laura had too many things to think about, and baby paraphernalia wasn’t even near the top of the list.
“Lots of things! Besides the nursery, you need clothes for the baby, blankets, bathing utensils, a stroller…”
Emily was right. She was supposed to play her role as a perfect American mother to be. She didn’t even know what half of that list was, which only made her feelings of inadequacy grow.
“Honestly. I'll just go to the store and have the assistant make me a list”
Emily stopped and looked at her seriously. “Laura, I know you have no family to go through this with you. This is the kind of thing you should be doing with your mother, but I'm here. I´ll help you. It's important to cherish this moment! In no time your life is going to change forever, and you´ll be glad you had this time to prepare.”
The doorbell rang, mercifully interrupting the conversation. A package. Laura thanked the delivery man and opened it. She already knew what it was. Inside there was a book, a first edition of Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables. On the first page there was, as usual, an inscription “Laura, all my love forever and a day”. She brushed her fingers over the words. She missed Jack.
“What is it? It seems to have bettered your mood”, Emily inquired curiously.
“It´s from Jack. It’s a book”
“He is so sweet! And in French, I haven´t had a chance to practise my French in a while. I miss Paris.” Emily took a peek at the inscription. “Jack is a true romantic”
“I miss him”, she confessed, “he should have been back from his trip two days ago, but it got delayed.”
Emily gave her a hug. “Tell me about it. Arvin´s last trip was supposed to last for a week, and he was away for two. He bought me a pair of beautiful gold earrings to appease me, but I would rather have him home. I know he tries, but sometimes it feels very lonely to be Mrs. Sloane.”
“Has it always been like this for you?”
“Well, yes. Arvin loves what he does, so I do my best to be at peace with it. But it's weighing on you isn´t it? Jack´s constant absences”.
"No, his job is important to him and..." she paused. "Maybe I'm feeling a little more sensitive right now." She felt ridiculous, weak and needy. In a way, it made sense to have this conversation with Emily. A wife is supposed to miss her husband, not want him to work harder for her to have information to pass on to her handlers or to use as leverage. But the fact that it was actually true, that she was having trouble being left alone with her fears at this point, that she seemed to need Jack's presence to calm herself and think straight, infuriated her and made her angry at herself.
Emily could have never guessed her thoughts, but she understood enough to not say anything. She just squeezed Laura´s hand”.
“Do you know who called the other day? Alice.” She asked, changing the subject.
“What did she say?”
“She apologised for leaving without saying goodbye, and explained that things with Tom had been harder on her than she cared to admit. She is in Chicago now, working at the county hospital”.
“I'm glad she is alright.”
“She told me to pass on her congratulations on the baby. But personally, I think she should have called you. It's not like it is your fault.”
Laura shrugged. “I don't mind.”
“Tom is the one to blame for all this, you know”, Emily insisted, “Arvin told me that he and Jack have barely been speaking since that night”. It crossed Laura´s mind that Slone was probably relishing this breach between Jack and Tom.
“Jack is busy. I don't think he is averting Tom on purpose. Besides, nothing happened apart from Tom being drunk and inconvenient” Jack hadn´t touch the subject since that night and, given recent circumstances, neither did she.
“You know it's more than that.” Emily insisted.
Laura gave her a cold look. “I know they are friends and that is more important than everything else. Jack and I are about to have a child. That is the reality I live in.”
“You should talk to Tom.”
“I have. It's all clear between us at this point.” She replied bluntly.
Emily smiled. “Good. Because right now there is no room for bad feelings. We lost nearly half our group already and we need to enjoy this”, she added, putting one hand over Laura´s stomach.
****
“Kowalski, I need you in my office”, Devlin called. Tom got up from his desk and followed him. “I read your last report”, Devlin said as he closed the door behind him, “Your source continues to produce steady results.”
“Thank you, sir.” Tom replied with a serious tone.
“It's no secret that your performance hasn´t always been up to the standards of this office. But I have to say that lately you have impressed me”.
“Thank you, sir.”
Devlin measured him with his eyes. “Having that said, I remain worried about that source of yours. Up to this point, all the information has proven to be accurate, reliable, but I'm not certain that will always be the case. Furthermore, according to your reports, this source works directly with the KGB. I don´t think you have the necessary experience to run an operation like this. That is why I ask you, in the name of the Agency’s best interests, that you would consider handing your source over to someone more experienced, a senior officer.”
Tom looked at him without flinching. “With all due respect, sir, I have been running this source for two months now, without a single difficulty to report. Besides, I am the only person who can do it, the only one the source trusts. We risk losing access to the information if I hand over the running of the operation.”
"Don't take this the wrong way, Kowalski, but your private life is notorious enough to justify my asking. Are you romantically involved with your source? Are you sleeping with a KGB officer? Is that why you can't pass her on to a more senior agent?"
“I can assure you, sir, that my contacts with the source are strictly professional. And, as much as I understand your concern, you yourself said that my work has impressed you. I only ask that you let me keep doing it.”
Devlin kept silent for a few seconds, thinking. “Very well, Kowalski. You may proceed. But be careful.”