Chapter Text
"It's here," Issei muttered in slight amazement. The object in question is a magazine with a muscle bound man flashing a bright smile with perfect gleaming white teeth as the cover. The muscular man's upper body was nigh naked, revealing a physique equal to famed bodybuilders like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sergio Oliva Jr and a couple more he probably forgotten.
Beside the caricature was a speech bubble that said 'Are you tired of being puny?' with a smaller text underneath that says 'Get buffed today!'
The guidebook was something he had bought on a whim from the Internet. It claimed to have the perfect guide for improving the body.
"What's that?" Matsuda asked, looking up from his playboy magazine.
"This my friends is our salvation!" Passionately spoken by Issei, holding it above for everyone to see.
The young pervert made sure it didn't disturb the light bulb hanging precariously over them.
"Isn't that the book you preorder online through the advertisement behind the newest issue of Weekly Jump Magazine." Motohama interjected, giving his leader and friend an expression of mild amusement and disbelief. The bespectacled boy returned to his doujinshi, apathetic to his friend's choice of reading materials.
"Hehe, you fools, I have you know this has a great chance of letting us gain sick gains in like a month. Two months tops." Issei proudly proclaimed while striking another pose.
His brothers must be convinced of it's uses. If not they are doomed to become incels forever!
"Bro, that's not how the body works." Motohama barked.
"Other than just working out and eating healthy what else we're supposed to do."
Matsuda and Motohama or as Issei secretly calls them behind their back, the M &M Boys shared a glance with one another. Both of them had an exasperated look on their face and the two seem to have a silent argument with each other.
"I'm a former athlete so I'm just gonna say it out. You'll need to eat healthy and work out consistently. That is true but you're not gonna gain the body of a bodybuilder in two freaking months." Motohama stated.
"Besides, people like the Terminator actor took steroids. Real life body isn't like anime character." Matsuda added his two cents as he flipped a page of the adult magazine.
"Look, whatever the case, I think we should give it a try." Issei replied, placing the book down and reaching into his schoolbag.
"Which is why I purchased two more." Issei proudly stated as he whip out another one in an exaggerated flourish.
"No thanks man." Both stated at the same time.
"What?!" Issei exclaimed in shock. "Don't you guys wanted to get the hot woman. To get our harem of beautiful women?! Motohama, imagine all the young lolita wanting to be smothered by your massive arms. Matsuda, the women out there must feel your vice-like grip on them. Brothers, the cooch needs us."
"Bruh, it takes too much effort," waved the former athlete.
"Women of our generations find men with big muscles as insecure because they think they're hiding something." Spoke the bespectacled fellow.
Issei released a tired sigh as he placed the magazine's back in.
A loud banging sound spooked the three men, directing their collective attention towards the front
door. All three of them quickly gathered their reading materials out of fear of getting arrested.
"Brothers, you know the rules." Issei spoke, making a run for the exit at the back end. Opening it quickly, he made a bolt to get out. A quick look behind him showed that two had already darted out of their own exit as well.
The shack was one of the places where they usually gathered in the school campus for their meetings. It was their first base and the official area for the Reading Club they founded. He was surprised the was no Reading Club but they gained a lot fo support from the male populace when word spread how they'll feature and review mangas.
The man turned forward only to catch the sight of an approaching stomach. Unable to halt his movement in time, the poor teen wound up crashing into something. As he fell onto his rear, the boy's world spun as his head was positively buzzing with pain.
He could feel himself getting lifted off the ground to meet eye contact with a man sporting a serene expression that he often found on a serial killer in a manga. The blue uniform on him proves he's one of the janitors of the school.
"Wow, for a simple cleaner, you're quite huge." Issei laughed awkwardly in the situation he'd found himself in. Sneaking a quick glance at the back to check on his friend and the teen was disheartened to see the others were already picked off by members of the student council.
"Aah, crap." Those were the words that escaped Issei's lips as he walked alongside his captured allies to await their judgement.
After getting taken in by the student council, the Perverted Trio was forced to sit through a small session of stern lecture from the president, Sona Sitri, the three of them were penalized with a two week suspension. To make matters worse, upon return to school's ground they are expected to help out with the groundkeeper with the maintenance of the school grounds' very hygience.
The silver lining on the cloud for the leader was that since he didn't bring any pornographic content, his suspension would only last for a week.
Hence with a humble heart and and polite expression on their faces, they apologize profusely to the headmaster of the academy for their misdeeds and a promise to do better and leaving for their home earlier than most. The three parted ways once they left the home but not before promising to convene at Motohama's house for a get-together with high quality adult entertainment videos.
Hitomi Tanaka's final work shall be observed with great fervor.
Issei on the other hand, was saddened by the Hercules Method confiscated away as he technically did broke the school's rules and the only reason for the lesser punishment was that it was not porn.
Secretly thanking his lucky stars that he just so happen to forget bringing them and leaving his other copy of the almanac at home.
"I'mma get ripped and get all the ladies!," hummed the young pervert, taking a turn to the left. It was the usual road he had been taking since he was a child. A usual route for the past, well, practically almost forever now.
Imagine Issei's surprise when he found there was a beautiful woman standing near the usual bridge.
Everything about her tickles his pickles just right; long, silky black hair that reaches the waist, exotic purple eyes of all things sand a pretty face that men swoon over. She even have a buxom figure adorned by a white blouse and other girly things he had forgotten.
When the two make eye contact, the girl quickly broke it off in favor of the ground. Her legs were making circles like a lovestruck maiden in a romcom comic book. It might be the setting sun but he swear there was a faint blush on those pale cheeks of hers.
It was a captivating sight to say the least.
"Umm, are you Issei Hyoudou?" The woman asked.
"Yes," answered Issei, resulting in a growing smile from the woman.
"I..uh..I never really done this but I've...oh this is so embarrassing," gushed the girl.
"Can I help you with something?" Issei asked.
"Oh, I-I like you so please go out with me." The woman blurted out.
The woman's statement would have sent most men flying into cloud nine at the ecstasy of finding out that someone is interested in them. However, like most men he also has a special power. A power that exist in everyone regardless of gender.
"...yeah, I think you got the wrong guy." Issei's words had the woman looked confused.
"B-but you are him. You are someone I really like." She stated.
Hearing those made the young teen chuckled, head shaking at the outlandish woman's words.
"I don't know about you but if this is some prank people put you up, you cna go find a better sucker." Issei stated.
"It took a lot out of me to come and confess my feelings for you." Isse's response was a faux-surprise.
"Really? He gasped. "If that's the case, why don't you tell me what part of me is so hot? Like what actually make your womb wet."
For a moment, the woman's face turned impassive. It was small, absolutely tiny but Issei noticed her mouth moved to the shape of a particular expression. He'd seen that sort of expression in woman who gets annoyed. Women who didn't liked what he said or did.
Only for it to disappear with another attempt of hers at this fake confession.
"I-I love your forwardness." Stammered the girl.
"Sure and I'm a world-famous actor." Issei shook his head as he walked past the girl. He ignored her calling for him, speeding up as he desired to go back home.
"If you're gonna fool someone, go fool a fool. I'm not one." Laughed the pervert, waving her goodbye without giving the strange woman a single glance. The man chuckled hearing her trying to say something. He ignored it.
After all, why would he want to listen to a lying woman.
----
Placing two hands against the ground with his palms opened wide for stability which Issei followed by pushing himself upward as he regulate his breathing to a slow and controlled pacing. It was a slow rise accentuated by the man's rapid breathing pace. Once the pose was done he pulled the legs up in the same exact x-shaped sitting position.
A yoga position. Held up in the air with his hands.
Honestly he couldn't help but laugh. It was absurd because the old him wouldn't be able to do this.
"Alright, now to the next phase," said Issei, picking up the almanac with one hand. Reading the instructions written on it.
The almanac titled Hercules' Method had an all-in-one bodybuilding guide. From weight-lifting to calisthenic and even basic stretches, it includes all forms of exercise. There were even some old martial art teachings-breathing techniques to be exact-included in the instruction.
He followed it for a while before revealing it to the others but so far the results were not showing. He ate exactly like the book suggested and worked just as per the books words.
Though he had only been doing it for a week by now. Since he had no weights, he had make do with makeshift tools. Buckets filled with water as weights and a long pole as a bar. An exercise mat was given kindly to him by his mother dearest since she was happy he was doing soemthing productive.
"Hold this position for 3 minutes and once you have mastered it, hold the exact same position but use one hand and then alternate the hands usage." Snickers escaped the teen at the instruction. The joke wrote itself.
"Okie-dokie, lets' work this out." Muttered the teen as he followed the instruction. With each passing second, a smile adorned the young man's lips as he continue down this path. He will gain the body that will make women fall in love at first sight.
"Oh yeah!"
"Keep it down, it's night already!" Shouted his mom. "And stop watching porn, the walls are thin."
"I'm not watching those anymore!!" He shouted back, face heating up from embarrassment.
----
The dilapidated church of Kuoh Town can be found in the upper hills of the small town of 2 078 people residing in it. Due to its' position, a panoramic view is offered to anyone who climbed up to that hill. It is stated by many young couples as a lovely view and a quiet place to avoid attention.
Supposedly the land was bought by a company that desired to transform it into a shopping mall. Unbeknownst to the normal people the action was merely a stunt pulled by the Grigori to secure a base of operation for their members. One of their members is currently raging out as well and if it weren't for Mittlet setting up a barrier beforehand, the whole populace of Kuoh Town would see lasers shooting into the night sky.
"Fuck!" A sweep of Raynare's hand resulted in a shotgun-style blast of holy light, demolishing the fountain in front of them. Stones and water shot up in clouds, scattering towards the surrounding area. She felt the water hit her but it only encourage her to lash out even more.
At her command, several lance of holy light manifest out of thin air. Hurled at the nearby tree without even a hint of physical movement from the fallen angel. The unfortunate floral life was incinerated in an instant, their wooden body proven inferior to the blessing of god.
Raynare was left heaving after the affair. Soaked and tired and hollow after the temper tantrum, her mind replayed the earlier scene. The cause of her grief and rage. Her plan was fool-proof because she'd done her research. The porn-addicted teen would have certainly accepted a beautiful teenager confessing to someone as lowly as him.
She knew none of her comrades would agree to this. Mittlet would need convincing but the target does not have a taste for children. All that was left was to build up the nerve to go through this plan because what she envision at the end.
Lord Azazel granting her a promotion in the Grigori's hierarchy. Better yet, perhaps the man would look up from his research and studies in favor of her sweet hole!
"Are you done?" Raynare's head snapped toward the speaker. Standing in the doorway of the abandoned church was a tall beauty with impossibly long blue hair that reaches the waist. Kalawarner had breasts larger than Raynare's own ample bosom. The blue-haired woman was wearing a maroon trenchcoat-like top with matching skirt and high heels.
"You know destroying the area is useless right?" Asked Kalawarner.
"Shut it. I'm angered beyond words."
"If that's the case, you should be a raving lunatic then." Snarked Mittlet, the youngest of their group.
Looking up, the brunette angel caught her blonde comrade sitting atop the roof. Feet dangling over the roof's edge. She was dressed in a maid's outfit, one of the few weird habits the youngest picked up after spending time in the Shinto's land.
Personally, Raynare find it revolting. The people of this land are absolute losers in her eyes. Especially the members of the younger generation who enjoyed what Mittlet does. A waste of seed and energy.
"No words. Come on, bark." Giggled Mittlet.
Fury building up in her chest, Raynare conjure up a spear and flung the holy construct. Predictably the child-like angel raised a gloved hand to catch the projectile weapon. In a matter of seconds, the weapon broke into pieces.
"I do hope you stop that." Chided the fourth member and only male member of their group. Dohnaseek flew down from the church's top. As always, the narcissist of a mage was garbed in a wardrobe straight out of a noir film. His gloved hand holding up the fedora hat.
Blue eyes meeting Raynare's violet orbs. A disarming smile meeting a scowl.
"Do your job," spat Raynare. Dohnaseek marched up the ruined plaza and with a snap of his finger, the destroyed properties levitated and reassembled themselves. Small little pebbles, concrete debris and other assortment combined themselves and in a matter of minutes everything looked perfectly fine.
"Applause please." Dohnaseek pleaded. All three of them didn't gave the fallen angel the satisfaction. Mittlet was a scoff, Kalawaner had retreated into the church and Raynare kicked up a rock.
"Ooh poo. How dull. My wife would have given me a better reception." Drawled the man,holding a hand up in a faux-despair.
"I'm surprised you have a wife." Snarked Mittlet, having flown down the roof.
"I might be a sinful man but I am a gentleman with the ladies. If you act a lot more subservient to the better sex, you could get a partner." His words earned a small bolt of light from the blonde fallen. The magical missile wound up dispersing into tiny shards of light.
"Fuck you." Mittlet roared with a flip of the middle finger. Dohnaseek's response were a simple head-shake and a tired sigh.
Unlike the other member of Raynare's band of misfit, Dohnaseek was a former high-ranking governor, tasked with handling administrative work of the Grigori side of things. An important task perhaps even greater than field operatives because they ensure mortals does not find the supernatural but when certain orders and missives were not properly filled and sent to the wrong agent, the head honcho did some digging.
Apparently Dohnaseek had slept his way to the top. The bastard sucked the dicks and pussy of everyone who was higher than him. The fallen was a genuine manwhore.
Kalawarner was the opposite of the perverted male, having rejected the advances of a superior and received demotion as a result. The object of lust for many females and male members of the Grigori and a semi-competent hitwoman. Although the blue-haired stuck up of a bitch do love using mortal means like Onlyfans to make money, posting videos of herself taking up phallic objects inside her body.
She found out about that when she stumbled into the woman's room during the first day meeting them.
Cucumbers and radishes are meant for cooking. Beloved father-even if she was damned-did not create them so you can use them like some messed up sex toy for heaven's sake! That blue-haired bitch really should just buy sex toys for that.
The only one she would consider normal is Mittlet who hasn't reached the same level of debauchery as the others because she isn't that old. Tasked by the higher-ups to ensure Mittlet is able to survive and adapt well to the modern world and duty to their kind. Kalawarner helped the young childe in her tutelage, mastering the martial ways of the Fallen and she's been improving last she checked.
And all of them are under her command. A band of misfits consisting of a sex maniac, a stone-cold bitch who's a pervert, a rookie and a normal girl. When she got this assignment from the mighty
Azazel, she reared her head back and let out a hearty laugh.
'She has gotten better with the spear,' idly notes Raynare. Dohnaseek and Mittlet's interaction had turned violent as usual. It was rather ironic and funny to watch, seeing someone else losing their cool.
The young Fallen having whipped out a single spear of light, jabs and thrust mixed into a series of well-executed moves. Dohnaseek was dodging each one without a worry as the smile as a dead giveaway.
Although she notes the man was already beginning to sweat.
It was a matter of time before he slips up now.
"Damn it!" Cursed the fedora-wearing Fallen as piece of his coat was torn slightly. A small piece of the brown sleeve. That small superficial damage sent the man into despair. As if struck by a great deal of despair he fell to the ground on his knees. Mittlet paused her next strike, perplexed by the sight.
"Alright, the two of you can go back in now. Quit crying and change." Commanded Raynare. Dohnaseek made no argument, trudging back into the building slowly with Mittlet trying to kick him in the behind. The only thing stopping her landing those strikes was the older Fallen actively using defensive spells that rendered her physical attack moot.
Turning her sights away from her subordinates to the small town. From the mundane side of things Kuoh Town was a small settlement founded post World War II in the 1960s. She'd done her research on the town's history and there was not much to say. The town did fell to the governance of a Devil Noble lady several years ago but she was removed in favour of the Gremory heiress and Sitri heiress for whatever reason.
The place was given to the devils to govern as part of a political program between the Sun-worshippers and the Devil Faction. An exchange program supposedly to decide if their truce can go further beyond that.
An unacceptable idea. The foul spawn of Satan will not gain an ally.