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The first few times we met I didn’t think much of it, didn’t think, “Wow! in the future I’m going to allow this girl to consume everything that is me to such an extent that I won’t even want to live anymore. Let her forget our most important memories, let her break our precious promises, let her steal my heart without ever giving me hers.”
But I will let her be selfish. And maybe that’s what watching dramas and reading romance novels has done to me, make me think that loving means allowing the other person to be selfish with you. And for some people - people better than I - I’m sure it has worked. But I am a selfish creature and each shattered piece of my heart breaks again when I realise I will never be good enough for her, one day there will be a shattered pile of sparkling dust and I will lie alongside it, for even in such despair I cannot find a way to leave my love for her. If I could we wouldn’t be here today.