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“God please, take me in my sleep, end me quick and fast,” I whispered to myself, I’d look in the mirror, bittersweet tears running down my bruised face, I couldn’t stand to look but I couldn’t look away, I was more monster than I was human. I was disgusting.
An abomination, that was what I was, the result of a rushed marriage with the only people thought of during the strenuous relationship was the happiness my grandparents would feel when they were gifted a grandchild, me.
A shaky sigh escaped my lips as my eyes fell to my feet, abomination, words etched in my skull, carved precisely and trapped behind the blood and skin that formed my head.
My heart ached, it burned and screamed for grace, but I was never lucky enough to receive that, when you’re left with a face like this, your heart could leap out your body and leave you gasping for air, yet nobody will bat an eye, not because you are seen as invisible but because your face is so off-putting people look at you with disgust and not fear, I don’t even receive the grace of fear, at least with that I’ll be left alone, I’m left as something inferior to people, a blinding pain in your peripheral vision, a curse on your eyes.
‘Samara, breathe.’ I thought to myself, I needed to control my emotions, I was being over the top, I was losing myself, I was better than this, I am better than this.
So in a weak effort, I wiped my tears, took a sharp breath and pulled a towel over the mirror, hiding my reflection from my already swollen eyes.
“I’ll wake up and it’ll be better tomorrow.” This was something I said daily, every night to myself, but did anything ever change? Maybe tomorrow it will.
Tomorrow, It’ll all be better.
And that‘s what I mumbled to myself right until my eyes fell shut, and I fell into sleep, tears still rolling down my cheeks.