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Seismic Shifts
Eddie was going back to Texas. End of story.
Then a high rise blew up and his heart stopped when he saw the 118 truck on the news. As if by divine intervention, his turnouts lay beside him; calling him home.
If there were ever a moment when Eddie was sure of the path he should take, this was that moment.
Eddie was tripping into his turnouts on his way out the door before he could take another breath. Pepa tossed him his keys and Chris beamed at him as he left.
He didn’t blink the entire drive. It wasn’t far. Traffic was on his side. And he was on a mission.
He ditched his truck at the perimeter line and flashed his helmet to get into the mess on the ground. Shrugging on his jacket, he marched towards the wreckage, heart in his throat, choking on the dust, as he took in the scene before him. As it was on the news, crumbling, barely hanging on. People inside. His people.
Eddie saw Gerrard and leaped into action. He stormed the ground between them, seeing Gerrard’s eyes fly wide in recognition.
“DIAZ! What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to help.”
Gerrard was not in a position to turn him down.
“What’ve we got?” Eddie asked.
“Two men and a civilian trapped on the rise up there. Building’s getting more unstable.”
“Who’s up there?”
Eddie craned his neck and squinted. In the light, he could see a glinting axe and three figures. Two with helmets.
Hen and Chim?
“Buckley and Panikkar,” said Gerrard.
No.
Not today.
Not ever.
“Let me help,” Eddie said.
“We’ve got to clear a path for a ladder,” Gerrard instructed.
Eddie shook his head.
“No, by the time we get a ladder in here, the building will be at our feet.”
“What do you suggest then? We don’t have another choice.”
Eddie looked around. Anywhere, anything. What could he do if he didn’t have a ladder? He needed to think outside the box. What would Bobby do? Something wild. What would Buck do? Something reckless.
The building next door. The roof was almost a straight shot to their level.
All he needed was a line.
“If Bobby taught me anything, it’s that we always have a choice,” he said.
He didn’t give Gerrard a chance to respond. He ran to the nearest vehicle, keys still in the ignition. He revved it and slammed his foot down, hightailing it towards the parking structure across the street. He was never a reckless driver. But the roads were shut, and everyone was closer to the building. Eddie floored it until he was swinging the car onto the roof.
He leapt out and ran to the edge. From here, he could see a little clearer. They weren’t as fuzzy. And he saw with almost perfect clarity Buck’s bulk beside Ravi and the civilian.
The team who had seemingly followed him up were already moving on setting up the line. Eddie wasn’t a massive fan of Gerrard, but for the most part, he had his head on straight when it counted.
Eddie patched himself into the comms to hear Buck calling out for an update. His voice instantly eased the writhing pit in Eddie's stomach.
Eddie grinned despite himself.
“I don’t know about down there, but I have an update up here,” he said.
"Eddie?"
Ravi’s voice was a welcome sound, shocked but elated. Eddie quickly spilled the details, waiting on Buck to chime in. When he did, Eddie fully beamed, readying himself with the line gun.
“Uh, where are you?”
Eddie chuckled at the wonder.
“Right in front of you,” he said. Like he always had been.
He knew Buck was smiling. It was rare they ever got to do this the other way around. It was always Buck being the hero and Eddie standing by. He didn’t mind. He liked being the dark star to Evan Buckley’s supernova.
But now, it was Eddie’s time to shine.
“Okay, Eddie,” Buck said, faith unwavering, “fire away.”
Eddie let the gun fly, knowing Buck would be there on the other end to secure it. They were a team, after all. Ride or die. You have my back, I have yours. Always.
He watched them load the civilian onto the line and let out a snort of laughter as Ravi practically tossed him over the edge. The guy screamed his way down and Ravi was soon to follow. Behind him, the building shifted again. Dust rained and bricks crumbled. Eddie could barely see Buck through the cloud of dirt. He was reaching for the line, seconds from jumping to safety. They pulled the civilian and Ravi onto solid ground and he turned back to catch Buck but-
He wasn’t there.
The line hung limp against the building they stood on. Snapped as the high rise collapsed again with an aftershock. Eddie stared at the billowing dust clouds where moments ago, Buck stood with a smile, relying on Eddie to save him.
Buck had his fair share of surprises in his short time on earth.
You got crushed by a fire truck today. Surprise!
You got struck by lightning. Surprise!
You had a secret brother. Surprise!
Here’s a beenado. Surprise!
Maddie got hurt again.
Eddie’s leaving.
Bobby’s gone.
You're alone.
He'd been in any number of NDE’s. He was used to it by now.
But this, this was new.
Not the building collapse. That was borderline expected by this point. No. What still managed to surprise him was Eddie Diaz running into a danger zone when he was supposed to be on a plane to Texas. Eddie Diaz doing something Buck could only describe as a classic Buck move. Eddie Diaz taking one hell of a swing.
He saved Flint and Ravi.
They were safe because of him.
If Buck made it out of here, he would make sure Eddie never forgot the good he put into this world. He knew Eddie tortured himself with the bad. He was the night to Buck’s day. Though Buck hadn’t been feeling so sunny recently. In fact, hearing Eddie’s voice on the comms was the warmest Buck had felt in weeks. Maybe they were switching; Buck was becoming the moon while Eddie blazed like the sun.
Buck had fallen quite far.
Buck had landed quite hard.
Buck did not know where he was.
His helmet squeezed his head as stars danced in his eyes.
He was cold. Aching all over. There was dust all over his face, caking his throat, choking his lungs. He coughed up bile and his stomach flashed with a searing heat. He looked down, his neck straining in protest. He saw the rebar sticking out of his stomach and let his head fall back against the broken chunk of wall he landed on.
He fought to keep his eyes open and tried as hard as he could to talk into the comms. He was not surprised when no one responded.
Eddie was back on the ground in a heartbeat. He abandoned the car in favour of grabbing any gear he could from a truck. He took an axe and a rope and marched towards the debris. Gerrard gripped his arm and yanked him back, yelling orders to the others. When he was finished, he circled on Eddie.
“You’re not going in there, Diaz. The building’s unstable. We're evacuating our people. And you don’t work for the department. You are a civilian in this scenario.”
Eddie scoffed and shook off Gerrard’s veiny hand. He caught sight of Hen and Chim, carrying out an injured man on a gurney. Athena followed, another injured man hobbling at her side. They were safe. Ravi was safe. The only missing piece was Buck.
Eddie started towards the wreckage, scouting an entry point beneath the level Buck had fallen from.
“DIAZ!” Gerrard called after him.
Eddie swung around, leaning the axe on his shoulder. He looked Gerrard right in the beady little eyes.
“You can try and stop me!” He said, “but I don’t work for you!”
He didn’t wait for a reply. He tied the rope to a pole sticking out the ground and was already carving and climbing his way through the rubble.
The sun is a star.
The rings around Saturn are made of ice and rocks.
A year on Mercury is shorter than a day.
Jupiter officially has 95 moons.
The universe is silent because of the vacuum of space.
Black holes can cause ‘spaghettification’ as objects stretch long and thin in their gravity.
Evan Buckley might be dying.
He liked space. He could think about space for days at a time. There was always something else to learn, another question to ask. Like the ocean. It was infinite.
Chris liked space. They did a project on it for school a few years ago. Buck remembered every fact they researched over that weekend. Eddie called them mad, spending so much time on it but truth is, they fell down the rabbit hole together. Buck liked sharing his random fixations with Chris. And Chris liked hearing them. He'd have to give him a list, maybe. If he lived long enough to make one.
Buck did everything he could.
He didn’t move. Didn't try to be a hero. He kept the rebar in and focussed on his breathing.
There was not a lot he could do without a med-pack or an ambulance. Or another pair of hands. Or an actual paramedic.
He kept his eyes open. He kept himself awake. There would be no sleeping for Buck. He could sleep when he was dead.
He laughed in delirium. It hurt his stomach.
He tried the comms again, rasping every word as he breathed more and more of the dust.
“This is Firefighter Buckley. Does anyone copy?”
“Buckley! Does anyone copy?”
“Hen! Chim! Ravi! Copy?”
Not all shooting stars are actually stars.
The moon controls the tides.
Saturn could float on water because of its low density – if there was ever a body of water big enough.
Buck’s eyes were closing.
“Gerrard! Copy?”
Darkness was creeping into view. Was night falling or was Buck falling?
The biggest volcano on the surface of Mars is Olympus Mons.
“Does anyone copy? It’s Firefighter Buckley! Please copy!”
The rarest type of eclipse is called a Hybrid Solar Eclipse. It occurs when it changes from Annular to Total and back again as the moon’s shadow moves across the earth.
Two breath-taking phenomenon in one once-in-a-lifetime experience.
“Eddie? Do you copy?”
Eddie could barely breathe.
He was deep in the rubble. Chim was checking in with him on comms. So far, he could still make out his crackly responses.
He hacked himself a path, the rubble shifting around every time. He knew he was being reckless. He was being impulsive. But maybe sometimes to save Evan Buckley, you had to become Evan Buckley.
“Eddie?” Chim cracked through the comms.
“Here.”
“Copy.”
He grunted as he shoved another rock. His hands were bloody. He'd gone in without gloves. Fingertips bleeding and nails torn, he pushed forwards. His helmet visor was caked in dust. He rubbed it with his sleeve, smearing the debris like butter. His arms ached and he realised just how out of practise he was. He needed to hit the gym. Especially since El Paso Fire was expecting him bright and early tomorrow morning.
Eddie slammed against a crumbling wall. He narrowly avoided a falling wire.
He called out for Buck again, voice hoarse from exertion. He didn’t care. He would search until his feet bled and his lungs gave out.
“BUCK! ARE YOU THERE?”
“FIREFIGTHER BUCKLEY, COPY!”
“C’mon, Buck. This is not how this goes.”
“BUCK!”
It was bad. He knew it was bad.
But it was also kind of nice.
It felt like drifting into sleep. Off to dreamland, snuggled in a blanket. If he let himself imagine it, he was a kid again. There was Maddie, and Daniel. No parents. Just them, the Buckley kids, the three musketeers. Buck would have loved to meet his brother.
“Wake up,” he slurred.
He lifted a hand to knock the helmet off his head. If the building collapsed again, he was done for anyway. Besides, he hated that helmet.
“C’mon, Buck. Focus.”
He grunted as his leg slipped beneath him, his ankle rolling on a rock under his foot. He wasn’t quite standing. More like an awkward half-lay/half-lean. His back supported by a chunk of brick. He wasn’t bleeding out yet. At least not fast. The rebar was blocking most of the wounds. It was a through and through. He knew somewhere in the back of his head that it must have missed the vital things because he’d be long gone if it had impaled an organ. But he wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.
In vain, he tried his comms again.
He knew they wouldn’t work. It would just be nice to hear someone’s voice again. One last time.
“This is... fire... firefighter Buck-” he coughed up blood, “Buckley. Does anyone copy? I am trapped. I cannot move. Does- do you copy?”
Silence.
Then-
“Firefighter Buckley! I copy! I got you. What do you see around you? I’m coming to you.”
“Eddie?”
“Yeah, Buck. I’m coming. Hang on, okay? Tell me what you see.”
“Eddie?”
Buck coughed up more blood. It dribbled from his mouth. He breathed more dust. But he didn’t care because he had that voice in his ear.
“I need to know where you are, Buck. Must be close if I can hear you now. Tell me what you see.”
“Did you know that Hybrid Solar Eclipses are the rarest ones? Because- because they go from- from a ring of sunlight around the shadow of the moon... to a total blackout and- and back again.”
“Buck. Focus. On me. On my voice. What do you see?”
Buck craned his neck.
“It's like you and me. Passing one another by, just missing the mark, lining up for a perfect second before everything shifts again and we drift further apart.”
“Buck.”
Eddie was scared. Buck heard the waver in his voice like an obvious bluff. Because Eddie didn’t bluff. He was always the steady hand to Buck’s shakes.
“It’s okay, Eddie. I’m okay. I can see you, y’know. You're so bright while I’m not anymore. You're the light, Eddie. You've always been the light.”
“Buck! Stay with me. Come on! Where are you?”
Buck tried to focus. But the world was blurry and thick with dust and his head was woozy and light. Hey, light! He could see some light. Up above him. A hollow in the debris. A door hanging limp from a hinge. He could see the number etched on the white panel.
“There’s a light in the ceiling and a door hanging from it,” he gasped, “number 911. Can you believe that, Eddie? 911! That’s funny.”
“Okay! Okay, Buck! Focus! There's light above you? Is it a big enough space for an airlift?”
Buck hummed. He eyed the gap. It was big. They'd managed air support for weirder things.
“I think so.”
“Okay good! Right, I’m looking for light. I’m looking for the door. I got Chim arranging air support, they’re gonna look for you. Tell me if you hear a chopper, okay?”
“Yessir,” Buck whispered.
Eddie was scrambling.
Light and a door. 911. The chopper overhead. He had no concept of time, but he knew he was running out.
He would not let Buck down. Not after everything Buck had done for him. Helping him get back to Chris. Being his sounding board for all those months in Texas. Never once wavering in his loyalty and his bravery. His steadfast love for Chris. He saved the life of Eddie’s son. He saved Eddie. There was never going to be anything he could do to repay him for that. He refused to let Buck go. Not now. Not like this. Not with Buck still believing Eddie wanted to leave him all over again.
He told Buck in a choice between him and Chris; he would lose every time. But the choice was different this time. It was not Chris or Buck. It was happiness or misery. It was light or darkness.
It was Eddie and Chris alone in a town they both low key hated or Eddie and Chris home where they belonged, with the person they belonged to.
Eddie would not let Buck go without him knowing that this time, he was Eddie’s first choice.
Buck was struggling to breathe. His chest was fluttering. His hands were cramping. He was getting colder. He stared hard at the light above him.
“Talk to me, Buck,” Eddie crackled through the comms.
Buck hummed softly.
“I wanted to take Chris to the planetarium for that project. But we didn’t have time.”
“Buck.”
“I can still see the light, Eddie.”
“Good. Hang on, okay? Please.”
Buck smiled. His dry lips cracked.
“For you? Always.”
He basked in the light, drinking it in. He was thirsty, aching. Beyond the pain in his stomach. Buck knew he didn’t have long. If these were his last few minutes, he would ride them out in peace, listening to that humming overhead, almost like a white noise machine, drowning out even his own thoughts. It was quite loud though, spluttering and fast. It wasn’t very relaxing for white noise.
Buck glared upwards, in the direction of the offending sound.
“Chopper!” He cried as loud as his lungs would let him.
“Eddie! I see and hear the chopper! It's right above me!”
“YES! Okay! Buck, I’m so close to you. They’re gonna work on shifting some of this from the outside so they can get the airlift down safe. I’m so close. I can see it too. Hold on. Hold on for me.”
Buck lifted his hand in a limp salute.
“Will do, Firefighter Diaz.”
Eddie had run through burning buildings. Through flooded buildings and collapsing buildings. He'd been buried alive and shot out of the sky. Never had he felt the type of fear coursing through his veins. Lightning met desperation and he flew through the debris; eyes locked on the position of the chopper. He saw it between rocks and rubble, hovering in place as Eddie had instructed.
A large block stood in his path, but he hacked it to pieces, fuelled by adrenalin and need. It fell away with a resounding crash and Eddie saw a door hanging over a mound of dusty brick and carnage. It was number 911.
“BUCK!” He cried.
He threw himself into the mess, tripping over rocks and sparking wires. The air was thick with acrid dust. He scrambled over the remains on his hands and knees; axe and rope discarded on the ground.
“BUCK!” He screamed again.
He couldn’t see him. Couldn’t see shit besides the light pool above him and the chopper above it all.
“Eddie?”
It was weak. So weak. Feeble. But Eddie latched on with the intention of never letting go.
He vaulted a broken wall and landed hard on the corpse of a destroyed fridge. But there, half leaning, half laying against a thick chunk of brick and mortar, was Buck.
Heat tore up Eddie’s throat and escaped as a sob. His eyes burned as tears fell like a Texas rainstorm. He was by Buck’s side in an instant, not touching, just looking, wondering where to start. He was in bad shape. Helmet discarded. Hands limp by his sides. Head tipped up at the light. His skin was dirty, grimy but pale. So pale. Eddie gently tilted Buck’s chin to look at his face. His lips were purple. His eyes were closed.
“No! No, Buck! Wake up. God, wake up!”
Buck was breathing. Barely. Eddie patched it through to Chim. Above them, debris began to lift, shifting and trembling. Eddie wondered if they would be crushed by a stray bit. At least they were together now. If Buck had to go, he would go in Eddie’s arms and no one else’s.
“Buck? Can you open your eyes for me, please? The airlift is nearly here. A few more minutes, okay? They're getting us out. Please, Buck, look at me.”
The silence that followed his words was the most devastating sound in the universe. Eddie’s stomach swooped. His heart was clamped between heavy metal jaws and squashed until it popped and tore from his ribcage in a too-late attempt to flee its destiny.
Eddie looked down at the rebar, at the blood.
At Buck’s dirty gloves.
At his dusty helmet.
At his closed eyes. So peaceful he could have been sleeping.
He leaned his head against Buck’s strong shoulder and cried. The rise and fall of his chest were barely there, almost imperceptible. If Eddie’s face wasn’t inches from his spluttering heart, he would think there was not a single sign of life.
“Hold on, Buck.”
Eddie breathed him in. He was all dust and ash with an electric singe. He was the iron and copper of blood. The musk of sweat. The tell-tale signs of a shift from hell.
“Please, Buck. They're so close. Just hang in there. I’m here now. I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you in time. Jesus, Buck, I’m sorry for everything.”
Before Eddie could stop himself, the words were falling thick and fast from his lips. A dam bursting after years of wear on the walls he’d built. The crumbled like the building around them, sunlight spilling through the cracks.
“I should have told you that I didn’t want to leave you. I told you I’d always pick Chris over you, but I know that’s wrong now. I did what I had to do but you wouldn’t lose every time. Not this time. I don’t need to choose between you. You never made me do that. I did that to us. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for a lot of things. But listen to me, Buck, I’m not going back to El Paso. I can’t be 800 miles away from you anymore. You're as much my life as Chris is. I’ve known that for a long time. I won’t leave you behind again. I can’t leave you behind again. But Buck, you gotta promise me that you won’t leave me either.”
Eddie moved. Careful not to move Buck, he lifted his head and his hands and found himself closer, so close they could breathe the same air. If it kept Buck alive, Eddie would fuse them together forever. If Buck needed a lung, Eddie’s would be ready and waiting. If Buck needed a heart, Eddie would carve his right out. Whatever it took to keep Buck here, keep him on Earth, keep him from drifting away into the dark and the stars, Eddie would do.
“I have no right to ask this of you, Buck. But please, please God, stay. Stay with me, okay?”
Eddie pressed their foreheads together. He held Buck’s face in his hands. His skin was soft, his eyelashes tickled Eddie’s cheekbones as they fluttered. Eddie stroked his jaw and mapped the curve of his nose. He nuzzled in closer, crying through closed eyes, and waited for the airlift.
Any second now. He could hear them mobilising. Chim rang through the comms with an all clear to begin descent. They were sending down someone to help Eddie secure Buck to the lift. Eddie half listened, mumbling a choked out “copy,” to Chim.
“Okay.”
Eddie’s eyes flew open as the word filled his ears and a puff of breath hit his lips.
“Buck?” He gasped.
He pulled his head back and cried a fresh wave of tears when he saw those crystal blues staring back at him. Wide and sleepy, they glistened in the light. The only part of Buck not caked in dirt and blood. The first part of Buck Eddie ever paid real attention to. The rest was confetti.
“Buck?” He said again.
“Hey.”
Buck’s voice was beyond ruined. Eddie dreaded to think how long he was going to stay in the hospital.
“You okay?” Buck asked.
Eddie let out a strangled laugh. A choked off sob if he was being honest.
“Am I okay?” Eddie said.
Buck managed a feeble laugh that caused blood to bubble from his lips. Eddie held his gaze through the salty water falling down his cheeks. On instinct, he reached up to wipe the blood from Buck’s mouth. His hand found Buck’s jaw and stayed there, stroking, not quite computing that he was alert and talking.
“Are you okay?” Buck repeated.
Eddie rolled his eyes.
“Yes, Buck. I’m okay. It’s not me I’m worried about right now.”
Buck laughed again. And coughed. And bled. And Eddie wiped it away.
“Don’t worry about me, Eddie. I’m just trying to catch up with Chim with my number of NDE’s.”
Eddie snorted. His head fell against Buck’s shoulder.
“That’s not funny.”
“Little bit,” Buck choked out.
Eddie pressed his other hand over Buck’s weakly beating heart. He looked back up into those eyes. A shadow fell over them as the airlift was close to making ground.
“I heard you,” Buck said.
Eddie froze. A deer in headlights. Struck by lightning.
“You did?”
Buck smiled. It was the single most hauntingly beautiful thing Eddie had ever seen.
“Yeah. And it- it helped, Eddie. You helped. You saved me. You came back for me.”
Buck’s eyes were shining. He was looking at Eddie like he hung the very stars Buck spent a weekend studying with Chris.
“Well, I couldn’t leave without knowing you were safe,” Eddie said.
Buck’s face fell. He looked away, suddenly invested in the lowering of the airlift. The plastic gurney hit the ground, and a paramedic followed it down.
“You were begging me to stay,” Buck whispered.
Their eyes met and held and by their sides, their hands gravitated to one another. Fingers interlocked and palms touched, and Eddie lost his breath just a little.
“I couldn’t lose you.”
Buck blinked up at him. Their faces were so close Eddie could taste the blood on Buck’s lips.
“And I can’t lose you. Not again,” Buck said.
Eddie was pulled in by some otherworldly force stronger than gravity. Buck met him in the middle. Their noses brushed and the hand Eddie had on Buck’s face moved slowly, sliding to the back of his neck. Eddie’s fingers tangled in Buck’s dirty, sweaty curls.
“You won’t lose me, Buck. You could never lose me.”
Buck’s lashes were wet as they kissed Eddie’s cheeks.
“Don’t go back to Texas,” Buck said.
The paramedic landed behind them and it was time to get Buck loaded and to a hospital. The rest would have to wait. But before Eddie let him go, he pressed a kiss to Buck’s cheek. He was cool and sticky to the touch. Eddie bled with every emotion he’d tried so hard to keep buried. He just hoped Buck could feel it like Eddie could feel Buck’s blood on his own fingers.
Warm and real, their lives in one another’s hands.
“I’m not going back to Texas,” Eddie whispered in his ear, “now let’s get you out of here, Firefighter Buckley.”
“Copy,” Buck said with a blinding smile.
He’d called Eddie the light. But that wasn’t true. It would never be true. Eddie was steady silver, while Buck was glorious gold.
Yin and yang, light and shadow, the sun and the moon.
Buck and Eddie.