Chapter Text
A quiet, calm voice above him whispers, “Hey, good morning, sleepyhead.” Looking up, He sees Maria perched next to him on their bed. He sees her soft eyes and perfect face. Her smile is gentle and full. “Looks like you needed some extra sleep this morning.” Her hand is slowly moving up and down his back.
Rubbing his eyes, he mumbles, “What time is it?” Maria gets off the bed and moves to the windows. With a grin, she pushes the curtains apart, revealing the Sun.
“Half past time to get up, buddy.” She moves back to him and gets inches away from his face, a smile still on her lips. “We have to go to Junior’s classmate's birthday party this afternoon. You said you would grab a veggie tray for that, but I see nothing in the fridge. Would you happen to know anything about that?”
Frank pushes his hands into his face. “Ah, shit. Yeah, I did say I was gonna do that.” He tries to wipe all the sleep away, but he still feels foggy. “Sorry. Yeah, I’ll grab that on our way there.”
She looks at him with that look. The look where she wants to talk about hard feelings, but she knows Frank will do anything to escape those types of conversations. He’s good at loving, but sharing darker thoughts isn’t his strong suit.
“Thank you.” Her eyes are suddenly a little harder. “You were moving around a lot last night, so I made sure you got the extra sleep. But Frank, please look at me.” His eyes were focused on the blue flowery pattern of her dress. He doesn’t want to look. He tilts his whole head up, his eyes looking into hers. He knows this will hurt. “I know you’re still waking up. And I’m not mad. Not at all. But sometimes it feels like you’re having a hard time…staying with me. Staying in the moment, I guess.” God, Frank really doesn’t want to talk about this. “You’re not here like you used to be. You seem distracted.”
His throat is dry, but he chokes out, “Maria, I’m trying to be here. I really am. I want you. I want the kids. I want this. I’ve missed this. Honey, I want this more than you could ever know, okay? Maria, I promise.”
Her eyes are soft. Her expression shifts. This isn’t the ‘I want to talk about your tours’ face. This is ‘I love you, but you’re an idiot’ face.
“I know that. I’ve never doubted that. Honey, you are the definition of loyal. It’s-”
“If you know, then why are you looking at me like that?” She raises an eyebrow in question. “You know, the ‘I love you, but you’re an idiot’ face. Why? What’d I do? Is it the veggie tray, cause I said I-”
She gives a small huff of laughter, and she’s smiling again. That’s better. “Frank.” She grasps his hands, and gets even closer. Her breath smells like mint. She’s wearing her favorite perfume. “Frank. This isn’t about the veggie tray. This isn’t about your tours. Frank, I want to talk about her.” Maria’s face is calm. God, she’s always been such a gentle but sure person. But he also has no idea what she’s talking about.
“Huh? Who?” Frank shifts his body and moves so that he’s leaning against the headboard. They’re still holding hands, and she’s moving her thumb back and forth across the top of his hand. He loves it when she does that. Looking back up at her, Maria is still smiling. Gentle. She’s always gentle.
“Honey, I’m talking about Karen.”
Suddenly, his hands feel sweaty, and his heart is beating a little faster. And now he’s nervous because his hands are sweaty. “Who are you talking about?” She just smiles and continues to move her thumb across the back of his hand. “Maria, do you think I’m seeing someone else?” Nothing about her changes. She is smiling and moving her thumb. “I only have eyes for you, you gotta know that. You’re my everything, Maria, you can’t doubt that. I’m not seein’ anyone, I promise!”
Nothing changes, but she whispers, “I know I’m your everything. I know you would never cheat on me, Frank.” Her thumb stops moving. “You’re not here like you used to be, and that’s okay. You can keep going. I know I’m your everything, I have no doubts. None. But Frank,” She shifts and pulls his body down. She moves next to him. They lay side-by-side. Nose-to-nose. “Frank, you can love her, too. I’m okay with that, sweetie, I promise.”
Frank watches her fluttering lashes. He knows she means it. Her hand slowly moves up, and she makes a fist, leaving her pinky out. “I pinky-promise,” she whispers. Frank’s head feels slow, but he moves his hand to hers. He links their pinkies.
“Maria, I love you.” The world shifts, and it’s just them on the bed. There is no more background, just white ambivalence. She pushes her nose against his.
“I love you, too. But you can keep loving, okay?” Everything is quiet, and they’re touching noses. Their pinkies are still linked. He exhales and feels his blinks becoming slower. He wants to tell her that he just wants her, wants the kids, and wants their suburban life. Maria is still smiling. She is sure and calm. Eventually, he ceases to blink at all.
Frank doesn’t gasp or jerk awake. He wakes slowly, stretching his body and hearing a pop or two. Craning his neck, he looks at the clock on his nightstand. It’s 4:58 am. Frank has a feeling that his internal clock will always be set to military time. He shifts so he’s lying on his back. The popcorn ceiling makes him feel nauseous. So, he quietly slides to his side and leaves space for where Maria would lie. No noses touching noses. No minty breaths huffing against his cheek.
He closes his eyes and sets his hand out, as if he could touch her. He replays his dream from last night. He’s had a few dreams similar to this, but this was as clear as the message would get. His mind is blank, but he’s overwhelmed. It’s like he has thousands of thoughts running through his head, but all of them are on mute. He groans and shoves himself up. What the hell was he gonna do about this?