Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

youre just in your room, laying on your belly and kicking your feet while you journal. just yesterday, you got fired for dipping your balls in the deep fryer one too many times…. how are you gonna tell mom? how are you gonna be able to see rage against the machine this summer? these are all things you jot down in your notebook.

suddenly, the door violently swings open. “Y/N I KNOW YOU GOT FIRED. IM SICK OF YOU. YOURE PUSHING 30 AND YOU GET FIRED FROM YOUR FIRST EVER JOB WITHIN A WEEK. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.” your mom starts YAPPING your ear off about all this stuff you dont gaf about but wait shes kicking you out.. :(

“wait, mom, please! i have nowhere to go!” you plead. “youre right. half the city was leveled in an alien invasion a year ago. we are still struggling to rebuild.” she responds solemnly, shaking her head and sighing. “but mark my works, y/n. i will find a place for you.. and just you mind your manners when you go.” she warns before leaving and shutting the door.

ohhh wellll that kinda sucks. you stand up and start pacing around your room to get your thoughts going. should you start looking for somewhere to stay? mom said she’d find a place for you, but that could mean anything. you decide to climb out your bedroom window and twist your ankle.

“yeowch!” you shout before bending down and snapping it back into place. “ah. much better.” the pain instantly goes away because thats how that works and you start walking around the neighborhood. it really hasn’t been the same since the attempted invasion. its so empty. houses that once looked lived in are now just boxes of wood and nothing else. how do you even come back from this? is this place even worth rebuilding? wow, maybe you should just kill yourself.

then you see it.

“RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE WILL PAY YOU $5,000 FOR A 30 ISH YEAR OLD UNEMPLOYED PERSON.” plastered in huge letters on a billboard. this is almost a dream come true if you can get your mom to agree to sell you to RATM, EVEN BETTER than seeing them live. and you get paid for it? insane. you decide to speed walk back to your house.

there, your mom is sitting next to the home phone at the dining table like she just got off the phone and is waiting for you? ermmmm exsqueezemesauce? what could this be about?

“y/n, youre home. pack your bags, i just sold you to rage against the machine.”

Chapter Text

“y/n, youre home. pack your bags, i just sold you to rage against the machine.”

ermmmm exsqueezemesauce? this might be the best news you’ve ever received. “really?” you try to sound as upset as possible but it doesn’t really work out. “yes now hurry up and pack so i can drive you to the airport.”

you immediately run to your room and start cramming everything you see into your suitcase. like, literally everything. but this one thing gives you a pause. do you bring your 100 laminated photos of tom? probably not…. youre gonna be able to see him… up close…. and….. personal…… oughh…… typing this with one hand……… nah, fuck it, youre taking your little tomlings. you put them in a little ziplock bag and stuff them into a little compartment in your suitcase.

now youre basically ready for your flight! you walk back out to tell your mom youre all packed and she’s already dressed and posted up by the door, keys in hand. “thank god.” she says as she turns the doorknob. she holds open the door for you and unlocks the car while she locks up the house.

…

the airport!! yay!!

your mom has the ticket on her phone so she cant just drop you off and never talk to you again like she obviously wants to. she walks you up to the check in thing where they weigh your luggage idfk what its called and they say your suitcase weighs too much.

you dgaf!! swiftly, you whip out your revolver and shoot security and he says “yeeeooowwchh” but youre fucked up in the head so you dont even care. with your luggage and gun in hand you push your way through the crowd and into the airport. by now, the people and security are on high alert and you cant stop for one second. NOTHING stops you from seeing thomas baptist morello in the flesh. and the other ones.

“HEY PUT THAT— AUGGH” security guard down! its honestly SO EZ why do they make it so ez.. they always getting up in your face and its like….. bro i have a gun…..

a few more security guards down later, you’re in the terminal and your flight is delayed for whatever reason. gives you plenty of time to board!! not much resistance from this point on, you can bully your way straight into the cockpit basically. you dont have any bullets left but the pilots are still pretty intimidated by the gun, makes it easy to toss them into the cabin and lock them out like dogs. also theres a horse there, hes chill. he can stay. youre not even sure if he’s aware of what’s happening as he has blinders on. real quickly, though, you have to look up a tutorial on how to fly a plane.

“how to… fly a…. hey mr. horse, what kinda plane is this?”

“boeing 737”

“thanks. how to fly a…. boeing 737. there we go :3”

you hit enter and a few videos come up, most of them over an hour long, but a few were only a couple minutes long. then the horse puts a hoof on your hand. “dude….. dont even worry about it. i got this.”

he starts to expertly horseuver the plane onto the runway, his eyes wired and focused on the task at hand. “wow… youre really good at this mr. horse….” you say, exasperated. the horse chuckles wistfully. “just call me horse.”

…

the flight goes smoothly, horse is very skilled. occasionally, there will be bangs at the door, presumably from the pilots. thankfully, they dont make any real progress. BUT unfortunately, the little tomlings chew their way out of my bag and you have to spray them with lemon water so they shut up.

a few hours later, horse lands the plane in los angeles and you almost tinkle in your pants from excitement…. youre gonna live with rage!! like right nowish!! horse tells the passengers over the intercom that they can get up and leave. of course, since youre really nice, you wait for everyone to leave before even getting out of your seat.

“hey, where you going? we still have 2 more flights for today.” horse queries. “uh…. no, this is actually my last one because i uhhhh…. quit????” you make up a shitty excuse on the spot. horse seems to buy it though. “i see. well, it was nice hanging out, i guess.”

you start to feel a little bad for him. “hey, man, its okay ill uhhh bring you some carrots. or perhaps an apple.” the proposition immediately makes his face light up. “really? i would…. really appreciate that.”

horse stands up on his hind legs and walks towards you. its lowkey terrifying until he nuzzles you and whinnies. “*laughs* easy now.” you chortle gleefully and pet his big ass head before breaking away and grabbing your luggage. “well, see ya, horse.”

you walk out of the plane and into the airport and you just kinda throw on a silly hat so nobody recognizes you. by the way, your face is plastered all over every news channel in the nation. underneath your face are probably big red letters that read “wanted” or “terrorist.” so, yeah, you definitely need that silly hat.

quickly, you call a cab and they take you to were RATM lives, presumably…. its nothing too crazy, just big enough for the 4 of them. you scurry up onto the porch and knock. after a few seconds it swings open.

“who are you?” zack furrows his brows as he studies your face. thats right…. your disguise. after looking around and making sure nobody is watching, you take off the hat and are met with a loud gasp. zack immediately pulls you inside and locks the door. “jesus christ, that was you? in the airport?” his voice cracks with worry as he holds you close to him by your shirt. his face is so close to yours you could honestly…. smooch……. his lips….. oughhh…… anyways you say “yeah that was me.”

just your luck, he lets go and puts some distance between the two of you. “i guess it was in the contract that we have to legally protect you.” zack paces and runs his fingers through his dreads, then he stops. “ugh, okay, just…. make yourself at home.” he plops himself down on the couch, though hes still visibly distressed. “the boys will be home soon.”

Chapter Text

“ugh, okay, just…. make yourself at home.” zack plops himself down on the couch, though hes still visibly distressed. “the boys will be home soon.”

its sorta hard to make yourself at home when you’re thousands of miles from home but ok!!!! you set aside your suitcase and sit on the couch, leaving as much space between you and zack as possible. dont stare at him. dont make him uncomfortable. anyways youre staring at him and drooling like a baby and making him mad uncomfortable.

“dude….. do you need something?” zack glances between you and the TV and licks his lips like a nervous dog. “more than ive ever needed anything…………….,,..,”

your totally mutual and sexy moment is interrupted by the front door opening and collective gasps. “what are THEY doing in our house?” timmy points at you and hides behind brad. “we bought them for 5 G’s and we’re legally obligated to keep them here regardless of what they may or may not have done.” zack explains tiredly. tom takes off his commie cap to rub his bald ass head before putting it on and sighing heavily. “guess i’ll help them unpack.”

this makes your heart skip a beat. youre gonna spend some one on one time with tom morello….. good heavens……. “yes! thank you, tom!” you say, trying not to get hard. or wet idfk. he takes your luggage and leads you upstairs. “so you’re actually sleeping on the couch, but zack and timmy are lowkey making out on it right now.” tom explains. “BUT… since zack is almost always in timmy’s room, maybe i can convince him to let you sleep in his bed?” theres a bit of a jealousy in his voice. no hint of bitterness though, just a deep sadness. you consider bringing it up but decide against it, instead just giving him a little “um. okay.”

“okay!” tom claps his hands after a brief but awkward silence. “im going to keep your things in my room until we get confirmation. just tell me if you need something outta here.” omggg :3c your stuff in toms room omgggg :3c

brad walks up the stairs, huffing and puffing. “god, im so tired of those two. they better stop this shit before tour.” he complains. tom winces. “do i even wanna ask what they’re doing?”

“oh, tom, it was horrible. timmy with that lace underwear…. the ass cheek piercing…… my drumstick……” brad shudders and hugs himself as he describes the scene, poor thing looks like he’s about to cry. tom comes up and places a hand on his bandmate’s shoulder. “hey, why dont you go take a shower?” he suggests. “i can grab you some fresh clothes, just go ahead and hop in.”

brad nods silently and starts walking towards the bathroom. you turn to tom. “jesus.”

“yeah.” his agreement is barely audible from brad’s room. “ever since zack confessed to timmy, theyve been trying to make up for all the time they wasted.” tom’s voice gets louder as he comes out, clothes in hand. theres that jealousy again. dude is definitely into either timmy or zack.

tom takes the clothes into the bathroom and disappears into the mist for a moment before coming back out, empty handed. sweat and water droplets cover his entire face and neck and you kinda gotta restrain yourself from jumping on him and licking it off……. but then he takes off his cap and wipes his face and head with his sleeve. ok bro whatever. he turns to you. “alright, well, uhhh… i dont think we can go downstairs yet, so—“

his sentence is cut off by a creak of the stairs. zack has his arm wrapped around timmy, who cant stand on his own, and they’re both drenched in sweat. okkkkk they got FUH-REAKY. “brad’s in the shower?” zack looks between you and tom. he looks and sounds a lil breathless. “yup.” you say. “just got in.”

zack sighs and drags the convulsing and very out of it timmy up the remainder of the stairs and into his room #whossurprised

okkkk downstairs time 😊

you and tom go downstairs and sit down on the couch. reluctantly. yall check for any gross shit before you plop your asses down but they actually cleaned up after themselves. by they i mean zack because it definitely wasnt timmy.

tom grabs the remote and starts mindlessly scrolling through the channels. “there anything you wanna watch?” he speaks up after a few minutes, waving the remote vaguely in your direction. what you REALLY wanna do is bend this guy over.. BUTT you just go ahead and take the remote.

you do pretty much the same thing tom did, just mindlessly flip through channels. ughhhh bro this is honestly so boring what if brad comes downstairs with weed and you guys smoHOLY SHIT BRAD JUST CAME DOWNSTAIRS WITH WEED AND HE INVITES YOU TO SMOKE WITH HIM

“hey guys brad wilk here. please smoke with me”

we will check on them later 😊 timzack break

timmy shakily lowers himself into the bathtub and makes himself comfortable while he waits for zack’s return. the water sobers him up a bit and he starts to notice his aching body. its not terrible. he’s sure it’ll get worse though.

after a few moments, zack comes back with pjs for the both of them. how nice. “you doing okay baby?” he asks, setting down the folded clothes on the counter. timmy lays his head on the side of the tub and looks up at zack pathetically. “mhmmm…”

this gets a little chuckle outta zack. “need me to come in there and wash you up or can you do that yourself?”

it’s obvious what his response is gonna be but he pretends to think about it. “mmmmmmmmiiiidunno.” and for extra measure he throws in a nonchalant hand gesture. zack immediately picks up what timmy’s putting down though. “well i needa wash up too anyway.”

timmy tries not to look too much as zack strips as if the dude didnt blow his back out just 15 minutes before, but he finds it endearing.

its a bit of a tight fit because of timmy’s big ass but they both fit in the tub? sorta? they have their legs tangled together and its gonna be hard for either of them to move. thank god the washrag is conveniently on zack’s side of the tub!! he scoots a little closer to timmy for better access but he doesnt get too close. bc like what if he touches his little eagle.. anyways he starts wiping down the bites which elicits a soft whine from tim. “sorry.” zack apologizes under his breath, pressing down more carefully this time. tim clearly still doesnt like it because hes a big baby but hes not complaining.

he reaches a particularly sensitive, kind of infected looking bite and tim whines and arches his back. zack puts his hand on his waist and pushes him down again. “jesus, man. relax. its alright.” he’s as gentle as he can be and he rubs little circles in timmy’s skin. his muscles start to relax under the touch. “very good.”

ok im tired of writing this gay shit so im ending the chapter idgaf

Chapter Text

you, tom, and brad are all passing around your 50th blunt while timmy and zack bathe upstairs. neither you or tom really asked for more than one, brad insisted on the other 49. other than that, though, he’s been pretty quiet. you think he may have something on his mind, something heavier than just watching his bandmates get freaky wit it on the couch.

“y/n,,” tom puts a hand on your shoulder. “youre so, like, normal. you barely say anything. i almost forgot you shot up an airport…. honestly? kinda based. man fuck them security guards.” yeah he obviously doesnt smoke often. brad had to teach him how to inhale the smoke properly because he was coughing like crazy and lowkey suffocating himself. then YOU had to assure him that his shit wasn’t laced at around the 37th blunt.

tom’s still got his hand on your shoulder and his eyes locked on your face, its a little unnerving. but like also you get a good look at his soft….. brown………. eyes……….. wowie….,.,, they’re pretty red and droopy. he looks about ready to fall over actually. “you good…?” you put an unsure hand on his wrist which gets him all embarrassed and he pulls his hand away. ofc 😒. “yeah, yeah, im good.” he mumbles, waving his hand dismissively.

anyway. you reach for the chips but you already ate them all at blunt 43. by the way, brad is at 55 and its very clear hes got something on his mind still. do you wanna pry though? nahhhh.. you just hopes he doesnt keep it in for much longer because its bringing down the vibe like crazy.

“okay, jesus, i cant take it anymore.” brad starts. how convenient! “i think im a woman. actually, i know im a woman.”

you and tom are surprised, but tom a little less so. might be because hes way out of it but theres an understanding in his expression. “really? how long have you known?” theres a hint of offense in his voice, like he can’t believe brad wouldn’t tell band sooner.

brad sighs heavily. “ive had a feeling for a year now but, y’know, i really wanted to be sure before i said anything. was always fretting about when the right moment would be. would i be able to do it on my own time or would it be forced out of me? …guess it was forced out of me, but not quite in the way i expected. in the shower, i was just sitting there and sobbing my eyes out. every time i looked down at myself, all i wanted to do was claw my skin off and i..” she stops herself and wipes a tear from her cheek. “im sorry. i didnt mean to say all that. i just cant keep compromising my own damn self out of fear of what yall will think of me. i know you guys will accept me, its stupid.”

tom listens and nods along vacantly. “uhuh.. so what do you want to be called?” he accepts this pretty quickly. you accept her as well but so much has happened and all of this feels a little absurd. just to let her know you still fw her you say, “yeah. you have a name you wanna go by orrrr…”

brad takes a few moments to compose herself before speaking again. “um. well, i dunno, you guys can still call me brad i guess. i havent really thought of anything else and im so used to it anyways, so i dont really care. i dont want you guys to treat me differently either, all i want is to be seen as a woman. and if you could, call me she?” she throws in that last part sheepishly but yall dont gaf. you love her ofc you’ll call her she.

“yeah, of course.” tom’s affirmation is stifled a bit by a yawn. “yeah, its no problem.” you shrug. brad smiles. “god, thank you guys.. sososo much.” she brings the two of you in for a hug and gives each of you a peck on the cheek. awhhh shucks.. “ill tell the rest tomorrow.”

tom doesnt say anything because he’s asleep. ohhh youuuuu wags your finger at him.

yall fall asleep on the floor cuddling. the end!!

Chapter Text

“wake up.”

zack nudges you and tom off brad with his foot. you wake up immediately and tom follows soon after. not brad though she a deep sleeper.

“did yall smoke all the weed??? it smells terrible in here.” zack crosses his arms like a disappointed mom and it lowk gives you ptsd from when your mom tried to make you get a job. you and tom exchange glances. “it was mostly brad.” he blurts.

“listen, i dont care whose idea it was or who smoked the most of it. all three of you are paying for it.” zack grabs brad by the shirt and shakes her around a bunch and she FINALLY WAKES UP WHO CHEERED 🎉🎉

“huhhhh”

“you, tom, and y/n get to buy 5 more pounds of weed.”

their faces are rlly close together n they look like they’re about to smooch lowkey… it would be really funny if they did btw can you guys plleeaaaasswew kiss 🤣

zack: not now

brad: yeah vinny 😒

me: ok sorry

anyways, brad rubs her face and pushes zack off of her b4 getting up. “yeah ok fine. but are you even in contact with the plug anymore? yk, after the alien invasion and all that?”

“ugh that PLUG has a name. and its jonathan korn.” zack scoffs and flips their locks at brad. how could she be so foolish 😒 “yeah so i havent really talked to him since.”

zack whips out his phone and scrolls through his contacts. jon is way down at the bottom. “lowkey makes me feel like a terrible friend.”

“hi guys, tim commerford here”

“hi timmy, call jon and ask him for 15 lbs of weed for me so i dont have to deal with the consequences of my inactions.”

“ok”

timmy takes zack’s phone and calls up jon. it rings for a while BUTT he does answer 🎉

“zack?”

“no, its timmy.”

“if he was so afraid to talk to me that he put somebody else up to it he could have told you to use a different phone. is he stupid?”

timmy moves the phone away from his head and looks at zack with an unsure expression. “dude, i dont think this is a good idea..”

“and youd be right tim…. 😒. if yall want weed so bad, and i know thats what youre calling me for, you can talk to my uncle.”

timmy relays the information to zack and zack groans loudly. “not john romero, creator of doom!”

“hey, tim, put me on speaker.” jon pauses for like 5 seconds. “yeah, bitch. alfonso john romero, creator of doom. ok bye”

jonathan hangs up and timmy hands the phone back to zack. “ugh, alright. everbody get in the car we’re going on a road trip.” he announces before turning to you. “and you. put on one of tom’s hats, you’ll need a disguise. youre public enemy number one in new york, public enemy number one in philly, public enemy number one in dc, public enemy number one in cleveland ohio, public enemy number one in st louis, public enemy number one in new jersey, and most importantly public enemy number one in los angeles.” he pick’s up tom’s hat from the floor and puts it on your head. he makes sure to adjust it neatly and you get a little giddy and gleeful bc of how close you are to zack rn….. but you have to lock in. boners are for loners

yayyy roadtrip timd

you all cram yourselves into the car. zack is driving, brad is in the front passenger seat. you are sandwiched between tom and timmy, which you have mixed feelings about. on one hand, tom 😋😋, on the other, timmy is squirming around and trying not to sit directly on his ass. this is why you should never be a fag.

“highkey, i got no idea where im going so we’re just gonna drive until i see john romero.” zack admits as he puts the key in the ignition. everybody groans. “ohh my godddduhh this is gonna take foreverrruhh….” timmy complains.

“boyyy if you dont quit acting a damn fool 😒”

“ok sorry zack 😢😓” timmy immediately folds. he know his ass gonna be in trouble later

…

yall have been in the car for like 3 hours now. this should be nothing for them if theyve toured before right? well youre a stupid stupid foolish subhuman freak if you said yes because EVERYBODY whining in this car. zack is complaining about their hands cramping from gripping the wheel too long, neither brad or tom can take his place because theyre too exhausted, and timmy is still complaining about his ass every time they hit a pothole.

“tim, oh my god, shut the fuck uppp maybe your asshole wouldn’t hurt so bad if you didnt shove my entire drumstick up there!” brad turns her body so she can look over her seat and she is pisssseedddd brah.. timmy crosses his arms. “i did NOT do that.” he protests. “BITCH YES YOU DID 😭” zack and brad shout in unison. you can see timmy shrink and glance at you a few times, like hes getting scolded by his mom in front of his friend. “okay, well…. thats not the only thin—“

“WE KNOW!! maybe if your dick wasnt microscopic, youd be able to do something else in bed other than getting your back blown out.”

“oh, i know you didnt just say that…..” timmy lunges for brad’s throat and you grab him. it seems to subdue him a little bit but hes still seething. “brad’s right, tim. those drumsticks were expensive, im sure. idk im not a drummer.” you try to reason with everybody, which encourages tom to do the same. “yeah, man. sh-HE… was really upset about that. yall really have to learn how to take things upstairs.” the misgendering of brad makes him physically recoil but we agreed to not out her. did we? i really dont remember and i dont feel like reading back tbh.. regardless of tom’s attempt to NOT out brad, everybody in the car seems to have noticed, though they dont bring it up.

brad sinks down in her seat and crosses her arms. there would prolly be a record scratch and an ermm awkward! from tom if i was even cornier. “hey, zack? ill drive if you want.” she offers, hoping this will take the attention off her transgenderism for a bit. “thank god.” zack pulls over very neatly and safely ☺️ and swaps seats with brad.

…

the rest of the drive is pretty quiet. tom is asleep on your shoulder so thats pretty cute awww but it doesnt really last long bc zack yells “I SEE JOHN ROMEROS HOUSE!! it has a big sign that says “JOHN ROMERO HOUSE” on it.” brad pulls into the driveway and parks the car.

tom stirs awake and looks up at you and hes really pathetic lookingbouhhhhhhghh typing this with one hand……

you guys get out of the car and stuff and ring the door bell but it activates a BOOBY TRAP AND YOU ALL GET CAUGHT IN A NET AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

give kudos for part 2

Chapter Text

okay so yall are trapped in this net together and dangling above this dudes porch. you guys are starting to wonder if all of this was planned by jonathan korn. zack is the first to voice this. “OUUUUGHHH that SON OF A BITCH im actually gonna whoop his ass next time i see him.” she thrashes around, causing the net to swing and moan. very concerning for everyone else. “zack, calm down.” tom reaches out and squeezes zack’s shoulder.

“yeah, alright, im sorry.” he settles the best he can. tom seems to have this magic touch. if only he could magically touch m SHUT UP
“ill try to think of a way to get us down. safely.” zack scratches his beard thoughtfully. “it would really help if brad and y/n weren’t stacked on top of my chest though. “ok sorry” you say, rolling off brad and onto timmy. lowkey, you think timmy passed out from fear. hes laying limply on the bottom with his arms dangling out of the net.

brad tries to adjust herself without crushing more people but she ends up crushing both zack AND tom. “ow, jesus fucking christ brad!” tom groans as all of his bones shatter. you take his crushed hand in yours and kiss it better and suddenly hes completely healed!! “awhhh shucks….” he starts to giggle like a girl and twirl his nonexistent hair.

“you know what? just stay on me.” zack sighs, pulling brad back on himself. it’s obvious that this isnt the first time theyve laid like this, it looks natural to them. in fact, when something is different about the other, they can tell. “wait………..” zack starts. “girl, are you tuckin?”

“…………YES 😭😭😭😭😭😢😢😢😢😢😢😞😞😞😞😞😓😓😓😓”

brad freaks out and crushes tom again. “hey, dont cry little brad 🙁.. you know you got tom and me and…… idk what y/n is. they’re probably on the trans spectrum just look at them.” zack pulls brad back into her arms and pets her hair awhh. “yeah, youre right. im sorry.”

“thats okay. we love you, brad!” timmy butts in. “okay, wait, pause. zack? youre trans?”

“uhh ya. like genderfluid. idgaf what you guys call me tbh.” zack explains nonchalantly.

“ok. so like im the only cis person in the band then?” timmy sounds a little unsure, like hes questioning himself now. “for now.” tom answers under his breath.

suddenly, the net falls to the concrete and opens up. it definitely hurt but it didnt injure anyone like yall thought it would, you guys were only 4 feet off the ground. “what the hell? rage against the machine?” a guy, who you assume is john, steps out onto the porch with a coffee mug in hand. zack still has the idea in his head that this was all plotted so when he gets his old raggedy ass up, he goes straight for john’s throat.

tom grabs zack’s ankle from the ground, both to stop him and to give himself some leverage so he can get his old raggedy ass up too. “easy.”

“yeah, sorry about the booby trap. some doom fans are crayyy crayyy!” john chuckles to himself and takes a sip of his coffee. “you know, if i didnt have my noon coffee, you guys mightve gotten the boulder or the swinging axe.”

that comment is met with a long awkward silence.

“okayy,” john shifts uncomfortably. “you guys can come in if you want??” he opens his door and motions towards it with his free hand. everybody starts to head inside but he stops you. “who are you though?” your heart sinks into your uterus and you cant even open your mouth to speak.

“they’re obviously with us.” tom grabs your arm and drags you along with the rest. boy.. if you keep touching me like that ur going to pound towSHUT UP john follows behind you guys and shuts the door.

“sooooo, whats up, you guys?” he sets his cup down on the coffee table and clasps his hands together. “we need 15 pounds of weed.” zack answers matter of factly. “right, okay, this way guys!!” john leads you guys out to his backyard and to a shitty little garden. you can see where he tried to grow some tomatoes and pumpkins and obviously, weed. just like 2 sad little pots with 2 sad little wilted stems. “hey so what the hell?” zack crosses his arms.

“oh, yeah, srry about that…. ive been busy working on my new project, doom x korn. it’s like classic doom with some upgrades and kor—“

“bro we dgaf 😭 how much for you to just grow us some more?”

“ummm like $20,000”

“WHAT” everybody shouts in unison.

“the fuck’s that for?” brad butts in, pushing past zack.

“its to help fund doom x korn. doom x korn is like a—“

“bro we dgaf 😭 lets just get out of here.” brad walks out of the garden and invited the rest of you to follow, which you do. theres a silent agreement that today fucking sucked and we should just get home as quickly as possible. but no, cant even do that. CUZ when you go to open the front door, a bunch of feds are standing on the other side, all brandishing firearms.

the officer in the front takes a step forward. “yeah so like.. mr. romero here has been growing and distributing marijuana which may or may not be illegal in the state of california, idk im too lazy to check lol. either way we have a warrant for his arrest. princess, show em the warrant.”

another officer, a tall, ugly, burly thing, takes a step forward as well. he reaches in his pocket and unfolds a little piece of paper. written on it is “worent” in crayon and nothing else.

“oh, this some bullshit..” timmy tries to push past the feds but they barely budge. “oh come onnnnnuuhh 😢😢 i wanna go home and go night nights 😢😢😢😭😭😭” he whines. “bro you’re genuinely annoying as hell. take this” the first officer gives him an amazon kindle with an ai reading r/aita posts over minecraft parkour playing on it. he’s immediately into it and shuts up.

“now, the rest of you need to move or we’ll be required to use force.” the officer warns, his grip tightening on his gun.

“fuck you, i wont do what you tell me.” zack spits in his face and rages EVERYWHERE. like its all over the walls. unfortunately it doesnt really do anything and he gets a gun pointed at his head. this is where YOU actually do something instead of nonsexually and sexually cucking ratm.

you jump on the officer and pin him to the ground, your hands uncoordinatedly clawing or hitting any orifice you can find on his face. really just anything to give you a brief advantage so you can take his gun.

once you have it, you headlock the fed and try to aim that bulky ass gun at his head. tom comes over and whispers, “hey, he probably has like a smaller gun in his hip holster or smth”

“oh yeah.” you grab the pistol out of his holster and press the barrel to the hostage’s temple. brad takes the big gun.

“so i guess shooting cops and security is like, my thing now.”

“ho what is you talkin about 😭” one of the other feds call out.

you take off your hat.

“HOLY SHIT THATS THAT GUY GIRL THING THAT SHOT UP THAT AIRPORT”

“yeah, take it to your grave.” you give brad the go ahead to shoot.

she empties a few magazines into them, leaving most of them dead. a few of them keep fighting though which i dont rlly understand, like i understand you have a duty or whatever but it cant be THAT important to you personally. just give it up brah its over 😭

or so you THINK cuz just when it seems like you’ll all get out of this unscathed, tom gets shot in the leg. “aaahhhh fuck i just got shot in the leg and stuff :(“

everybody is off their guard now, except zack who just snapped out of her shell shock to help tom.

“tom, oh my god,” he scrambles over to his injured friend. for a moment, he cant even think. it takes tom putting his hand on zack’s shoulder to snap him out of it again. “shirt….. please….”

zack takes off their shirt and wraps it tightly around the gunshot wound. its still not really enough but it’s going to have to do. brad just ran out of ammo and there are 3 armed feds left.

but then wowowowowoww a giant axe cuts all of them in half!!

john runs into the living room. “leave, now!”

yall dont waste any time. zack slings tom over his shoulders, brad drags timmy by the shirt, and you follow. blah blah blah you run out and stuff i really dont know or care what to write for this part but your tires are slashed. guess the only way to go is the desert that surrounds john romero house.

…

everybody has been walking aimlessly. well not like aimlessly, you tried to walk in the direction of the road. but the longer you walked, you lost it. the sun is beginning to set and youre all grappling with the fact that you might be stranded out here, for days, with no food or water. yall might honestly die but we know theyre not gonna die because do you ACTUALLY think im gonna kill them off

“okay, alright, everybody sit.” zack breaks the hour long silence streak yall had going and sits down on the ground. you and the rest follow suit.

“we should probably stop here and sleep. like in a pile because its gonna be freezing after that sun goes down.” she proposes. “i cant carry tom anymore.” the aforementioned tom is passed out on the ground.

“ughhh dude my kindle died” timmy groans and throws the tablet down on the ground. “yo, wait, what the fuck…. where are we?”

brad smacks him upside the head. “we’re in the desert dumbass.”

timmy whines and rubs the back of his head. then he sees tom. “TOM’S DEAD???” he exclaims, jumping up. brad pulls him back down. “just unconscious.” she reassures. zack hasnt said anything because hes busy watching over tom. its kinda gay actually. he’s probably fine bro.

after a few moments he looks up restates the plan. “we’re gonna try to sleep here. when the sun goes down, itll be freezing so we’re going to have to sleep in a pile which isnt gay at all, okay? we’re not cuddling we’re just sleeping on each other to keep warm.”

timmy puts his hands up. “hey thats fine. its not like we’ve all jerked each other off before.”

“not in front of y/n!” zack scoffs and crosses his arms. “everybody knows already bro i dont care 😭” you give him a little reassuring pat on the back.

“ughhh brah can we just go to fucking bed already im tired.” brad complains. yeah yeah whatever 😒 you guys curl up around tom bc hes the injured one and at least try to sleep. buuuuuuuttrrt you hear clopping to your right.

you look up to see mr. horse, from the airplane. “oh my god, y/n??” he dips his head to sniff you. “mr. horse? what are you doing out here?” you pet his snout. you dont even notice theres 2 people riding on his back until one of them talks. “oi, wha is dis den, pardner?” the ugly one with glasses and a cowboy hat hops down. “horse, you know these people?”

“ah, no, just this one. but look,” mr. horse gestures to tom with his hoof. “we should help them.”

the other cowboy hops down and kneels beside tom. the others look very concerned about this whole thing. “y/n, you know these people?” zack whispers to you. “nah just the horse. hes the reason im not in jail rn.”

brad leans in to whisper to you and zack. “i dunno, man. they arent trying to kill us right now, do we ask for—“ she’s interrupted by a human man jumping on her and sniffing her face. “ew get tf off me!”

“ringo! down! bad boy!” the one with glasses shouts. ringo slinks away and curls up on the ground. “sorry bout him.” he finally makes his way over. “my names john, but you can call me lennon because there’s another john in this chapter already.”

“okay, well, do you think you could help us?” zack gestures to tom. the guy kneeling beside him rubs his chin and says, “i think so. no signs of infection.”

“paul, cmon, man. you cant just say we can help when we’re barely gettin by.” lennon grumbles, lighting a cigarette. “oh, come on! we have enough resources on the plane. and, yk, maybe they can help?” paul pleads.

you decide to help persuade him. “hey.” your hand reaches for the pistol in your pocket. “you take all of us in, and we help you with whatever it is you need help with. and if you dont help us ill just shoot you.”

lennon and paul put their hands up and zack pulls you by the arm. “dawg are you fucking stupid” she whisper yells at you. “we’re gonna die if they leave us!” you try to explain your stance but you feel it changing. “…okay, i wont kill them, i guess.”

the cowboys talk amongst each other for a moment. “brah i kinda dont trust them if their first instinct is to threaten our lives.” lennon points at you.

“okkk but we can flip that around. consider that they can defend us?”

“yeahh ok u right paul.”

they turn to face you guys. “soo we’re taking you in 😄!” paul announces. lennon slings tom over his shoulder, then on the back of mr. horse. “the rest of you can walk.”

Chapter Text

on the horizon, you can see a long, very large structure coming into view. you can infer it’s probably the plane because what else could it be.

“we’re here.” lennon announces. theres like a long awkward silence in between when he says that and when you actually get there. “we’ll handle your friend. tom’s his name, yeah?… just go sit by those charred logs.” he instructs as he hops off mr. horse.

you, zack, brad, and timmy all go sit around the charred logs. though you struggle to get zack to separate from tom or look at timmy. “you think zack’s done with his ass?” brad whispers, flicking her eyes in timmy’s direction a few times. “oh, for sure.”

timmy gets up and sits back down really close to zack.

“what do you want?”

“can i hiiiitt…” he draws little patterns in the dirt pathetically.

“no, the fuck?”

“whyyyyy?”

“cuz you sat there on your little tablet while we were getting shot at!!”

timmy crosses his arms. “pfft. i didnt… i mean, okay i did but…”

“i dont care about whatever bullshit excuse you’re about to come up with. just go somewhere and quit bugging.”

timmy scoffs and gets up. “fine.”

zack watches him as he wonders off. not too far, maybe like a few yards, and just sits on the ground. ringo comes up and sniffs him and curls up in his lap so he’ll probably be fine.

after a few moments, paul and lennon come out of the plane. lennon holds zack’s shirt, which is caked with dried blood. “we’re using this for the fire tonight. running out of things to burn.” he tosses it on the pile of logs before zack can say anything about it. paul has a stick and an even bigger stick with a groove in the middle. “and your friend is okay.” he reassures as he crouches down next to you three.

“can i see him?” zack asks almost immediately after paul finishes his sentence. his voice breaks with restraint, he almost sounds like he’s gonna cry tbh. paul frowns. “mm, best not.” he says plainly.

zack opens her mouth to protest but decides against it, instead just watching paul attempt to light a fire. “sleepin like a baby in there.” lennon comments. “y’know, hes losing a lot of blood. had to use his shirt as an additional bandage. and btw we’re probably gonna have to amputate his leg but we dont have the resources for th—“ he stops rambling when he sees the look on everybody’s faces. “but he’s fine!!” he adds in an attempt to reassure you guys.

“please, just tell us how likely his survival is.” brad pleads with tears in her eyes awh poor thing. paul clears his throat once he gets the fire going. “he’ll survive, but he’ll struggle quite a bit out here. with or without that amputation.” he explains as empathetically as possible. zack huffs. “can i PLEASE just go see him?” he stands up as if he’s gonna do it regardless of the answer he gets. “yeah girl whatever” lennon gestures to the plane.

this leaves just you and brad with these strangers. she’s actively trying not to cry and holding herself, so you hold her awhh🥰. “hey, i know youre scared. im scared too. more scared than ive ever been in my life.” you admit, leaning your head on her shoulder. she leans into the touch a little but nothing in her expression really changes. “i know we’ll get through it, though.” you add, unsure of your own words. she instantly picks up on your uncertainty. “you dont know shit. dude, we’re stranded with these people who have also been stranded out here for god knows how long. on top of that, our friend might not make it.” she pulls away from you and buries her face in her hands. “god, how did it get this bad?”

you honestly dont have a rebuttal for that, so you start thinking of a different approach.

“i know. bc. we’ve gotten through bigger things. like, uhhhh back at john romero house, we all very well could have died. but we didjt and stuff… you know why? cuz we’re rage.. against the machine..”

brad smacks you upside the head. “shut your corny ass up.”

you got hit so hard youre seeing pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers but shes smiling now yayyy yayyy yayuyyu😁😁😁

MEANWHILE in the plane

zack hops in the elevated entrance of the plane and the whole thing creaks. and REEKS. it smells like straight death in this bitch, but he swallows the vomit in his mouth and carries on down the isle. his faggot boyfriend is more important.

said faggot boyfriend is in the back of the plane laying on a pile of inflated life vests, mostly naked. they used his shirt and pants to bandage his leg.. that thing really is hanging on by a thread.

zack kneels next to him and leans his ear down next to his mouth to make sure he’s still breathing. he lets out a relieved sigh when he hears gentle snoring.

“fuck, man.” he tilts his head back and brushes his locs outta his face. this is the part where he thinks tom is in a coma and overdramatizes things. “tom if youcan hear me, im so sorry i let this happen to you. i shouldnt have incited them or even brought you guys to some stranger’s home over some weed. we shoulda dipped after we got booby trapped.”

zack takes a min to wipe the sweat off her face before she starts running her mouth again. “and uhhh i have something to confess. and apologize for. i totally pushed you aside in favor of timmy and thats wasnt fair of me. i love you both. timmy just gets really frustrating when you want him to admit his feelings, and i guess i was caught up in that. sorry that it took you getting shot for me to say this. and that i beat the shit outta you that one time.”

she sniffles and uses tom’s limp arm as a tissue. his eyes immediately shoot open. “aaauughhh, duuuuddee….” his hand comes up and rubs his head. his head is prolly pounding, poor guy. “oh.. zack, hey man. i had the craziest dream. this weird sweaty guy was confessing his love to me and then he blew his nose on my ar—“ tom lifts up his snotty arm and looks at it with disgust. “ewww what the hell…. wait… zack?”

zack starts to panic a little bit. they werent expecting tom to wake up, at least not this soon. in order to distract him, they ask “uhh hows your leg?”

“my leg?” he seems to have no memory of getting shot, prolly went into shock. almost too afraid to look, he slowly turns his head to look at his disfigured leg. “WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LEG 😰” tom jumps back at the sight, sending a jolt of pain through him which only serves to panic him more.

zack tries to hold him still and keep him calm. i could probably make a roll right reference here but uhhh im too lazy to think of a clever way to do so. “tommy, try to relax, youre gonna hurt yourself.” zack says softly, giving tom’s shoulder a luh squeeze. “deep breaths, cmon.”

tom’s breaths even out a little and he stops jerking around. “ugh, zack, i don’t understand. what happened? where are we?” he starts to process his surroundings and the suffocating stench. how do you even begin to explain something like this without panic arising again?

“well… you remember being at john romero’s house, yeah?”

tom nods.

“and you remember the feds showed up?”

tom nods. “…wait, did i get shot?”

“good boyyyy you got it” zack scratches under his chin. he basks in the attention for a bit then the realization sets in.

“fuckkkk man this means i cant be a stripper anymore fml fml fml we’re gonna be broke”

“shhh, tom it’ll be fine.” zack drapes his arm around his shoulder. “i guess we’ll just have to start making music again. anyways i think theyre making food out there and you definitely need something in you” oh he’s definitely gonna need something inside him. god im so unfunny but im rushing this part because im tired and i wont go to bed until the chapter’s finished.

(added the day after. his ass was lying)

tom agrees and tries to stand up on his own, resulting in him falling on his face and sobbing violently on the floor. “tom youre so fucking stoopid. why would you think that was gonna work?” zack scolds, kneeling down next to tom. he lifts his face off the floor and his nose is oozing blood. “i hate feeling this helpless bro.”

zack rolls his eyes. “well get used to it man. it wont be this way forever but it will be even longer if you keep fucking yourself up.” she helps tom to his feet.

…

you see zack and tom come out of the plane and a wave of relief washes over you. brad gets up and rushes over to the two, asking a million questions.

while they were in the plane, paul prepared some sort of stew and just now put it over the fire. they never really told us what it was, just kinda started throwing meat in a pot. in fact nobody really spoke at all.

“hey, whats that?” tom gestures to the pot. “stew.” paul answers bluntly. “i mean ok what kind?”

lennon stands up and starts causing a scene, sit down fag. “oi pardner we cant afford to be picky out here so just eat what we give you.”

“okay..” tom sits down next to you with zack’s help, then whispers to you, “dick.”

now that tom is close to you, you first check out his leg but your eyes quickly travel up to his chest. hes got a nice rack on him but underneath are scars. top surgery scars.

“yo can i lick those?”

“what?”

“nothing.”

thankfully paul starts talking to distract from what you said. “so, uh, that one over there.” he gestures to timmy, who playing with ringo. “is he injured as well?”

zack raises a brow. “uh, no, he’s fine. why?”

“well i dunno, i just thought maybe he hit his head or something.”

they both look over at timmy. him and ringo are wrestling, chasing each other around, and biting each other. lennon swallows and clears his throat. “ringo hit his head. it was during the alien invasion.” paul shakes his head sadly. “thats also how we lost george..”

tom looks over at you with a very confused look on his face. “why and how is john lennon here?” he whispers. you just wave your hand dismissively.

paul continues. “we were in new york when it happened. george was the first to go, ringo barely made it. we only made it out of there alive because we hopped on a moving train headed out west. thats how we got here.”

“and thats why we need your help,” lennon inserts himself. “i assume you are all california locals. we need your help getting to the closest major city.”

this is probably the stupidest shit youve ever heard. how do you see 5 people stranded in the desert and think “they look like they know their way around”

“please, consider it. we want to see our wives again. they probably think we’re dead.” lennon pleads. “yeah…. our wives.” paul adds pretty unconvincingly.

you open your mouth to explain how this isnt gonna work but zack is already on it. “uh, yeah sure.”

paul’s face lights up and he gets up and starts dancing out of joy. that white boy can shake his ass. “yayayayayyy!!! im so happy yayayay!”

you pull zack by the arm and he moans bc he likes being manhandled. “i know damn well you dont know where youre going. why would you agree to this?”

“uhhh because theyre offering us food and a place to stay, stupid.”

honestly thats pretty sound reasoning so you let go of his arm. also the stew’s done huzzah! lennon starts serving up the mysterious meat stew in those plastic cups they give you on airplanes. zack calls timmy over so he can eat.

timmy sits next to zack with his soup, looking apologetic. he sighs. “hey, im sorry. like, really sorry.” he comes off as genuine but at the same time its like hes reluctant to say it. “i accept your apology but im still pissed.” zack responds coldly, taking a sip of the warm stew. timmy looks like he’s about to say something but decides it’s probably best to keep his mouth shut.

you also take a sip of your soup and iiitttssss… fucking disgusting 😂✌️ it tastes like sewage and the meat is tough and tastes rotten. kind of what you expected though. by the time you make this assessment, tom has already downed the whole thing.

“whos a hungry boy? whos a hungry boy?” you scratch behind his ear and he thumps his non broken leg on the ground before abruptly stopping and slapping your hand away. “shut up.”

“want this?” you offer your stew to him and he immediately snatches it out of your hand. “hey, i dont really want this either.” brad offers hers as well.

…

by the time yall are done eating, it’s completely dark outside, the only thing lighting up the area the fire. even that is starting to dim.

you and the gang have lowkey been too caught up in your own conversations to notice lennon and paul giggling at each other and staring longingly into each others eyes.

“hey, so, we’re going to bed.” paul announces. “yup. bed. you guys can sleep out here ok bye” lennon adds, the both of them scurrying into the plane.

tom is the first to lay down and the rest of you soon follow. like you discussed before, you sort of huddle together for warmth.

“uhm.. srroy to ask for this but i usually cant go to sleep unless i have a belly rub and a warm beer….” tom says. zack sighs heavily. “im not rubbing your fucking bellay bro.”

“cmon man pleaaaseee”

“ok fine.”

they all fall asleep. rubbing tom’s bellay. heartwarming❤️

Chapter Text

you didnt get much sleep. the ground hurts your back and its freezing despite the shared warmth from your friends bodies. on top of that, the plane was creaking for quite a while. you assume lennon was getting the craziest backshots of his life in there, gross.

if you imagine enough, this is just like sleeping in a bed. tom’s neck is like a pillow and brad’s body wraps around you like a blanket. this thought is what finally carries you to sleep.

it isnt long before you wake up again, though. pretty much as soon as you open your eyes, the sun, just peeking over the horizon, blinds you and youre forced to close them again. you groan and roll over on your back, the stirring causing brad to pull you closer in her sleep. guess thats not the worst thing in the world.. 🤤🤤 NO you have to lock in. you gotta be up before everyone else so you wiggle out of her grasp, making sure not to make her up.

after freeing yourself, you rub the fog out of your eyes and stumble to your feet. the air smells cleaner when you get up which makes you realize how bad everybody stinks. including you. cant worry bout that right now though. even if you had the water to shower, you would be drinking it. fuck, youre thirsty. you start to walk around the area a little, mostly because its something to do but you keep your eyes peeled for any kinda liquid.

“y/n.” calls a familiar voice. confused, you look around. oh its just horse, hi horse! “jesus, you scared me.” its still cold enough for you to be able to see your breath as you speak. “sorry. but why are you up so early?”

its a little weird how nosey he is all of a sudden considering he’s been a ghost for the majority of your time here. but youll humor him. “i wasnt gonna be able to go back to sleep, so im up.”

horse moves his head up and down and you think its a nod?? but its a horse so you don’t actually know what the fuck hes doing. “i suppose thats fair.” he pauses for a long while. “im guessing you didnt get much sleep either?”

you shake your head. “theyre loud.” he seems to know exactly who you’re referring to. “oh, yeah. theyre gross. really gross. you know what? i hate it here. they dont even reward me with apples.” he stamps his hoof on the ground angrily. ok? so then what are you doing here? or, better question, how are you doing here? “horse, i dont think they have any apples to give you.”

he just stamps his hoof again and you stand there silently until he notices you shivering and holding yourself. “cold?”

“no shit.” you hiss.

“come on,” horse clops past you. “lets go see if we can get the fire going again.”

you decide to follow him. all your friends are still asleep and ringo is also curled up by the fire pit, shivering. poor thing.

horse puts his hoof in and starts moving the charcoal around and to your surprise, there’s still a glow at the very bottom. you take tom’s cap (i think you still have it im not going back to check) and start fanning the flames. not doing much of anything. “ughh fuck my liffeee😢😢” you whine. horse puts a hoof on your hand. “let me handle this.”

he dips his horse face down into the pit without making contact with any of the coals and blows. the fire grows and glows brighter with the influx of oxygen. why is this horse better than you at everything?

crinkling his nose, he rears his head back as the smoke and embers fill his nose. suddenly youre not jealous of him anymore, stupid ass horse. you do appreciate it though.

you scoot a little closer to the fire and the tension in your body slowly melts. “thanks, horse.”

“youre welcome.”

theres a tenderness to his voice but it feels detached. or maybe resigned. theres something going on in that head of his and this whole thing is crazy suspicious. this is enough for you to finally bring it up.

“what are you doing out here?”

horse sighs and looks up to the sky like he was dreading this question but knew it was inevitable. “right. of course.” he mumbles, more to himself, as he gathers his thoughts.

“im an old horse. my mind isnt what it used to be.”

“dude. what the fuck does that me—“

youre cut off by a loud sizzling sound. when you turn your head to look for what made the sound your eyes are met with ringo pissing in the fire and putting it out. that stupid fucking. dog. guy. whatever he is. you pick him up by his neck and shake him. “im gonna freeze to death and its all your fault!”

“y/n, put that thing down!” horse yells.

begrudgingly, you drop ringo and he scurries away somewhere. you hear horse scoff behind you. “are you always this quick to anger? the sun is literally gonna be up in like 10 minutes 😭 dramatic ass. we can always start another fire.”

the hullabaloo wakes tom.

he lets out as he tries to sit up. “hey, man, take it easy.” you immediately switch up and rush over to him to offer support, which is very jarring to him. “my head is spinning…” he complains.

you give tom some space for a minute while horse works on the fire again. speaking of that horse guy. he seems more withdrawn now that tom is awake. lowkey pissing you off how weird he’s acting. highkey. but you dont keep questioning him because hes the one starting the fire so you dont wanna piss him off.

tom enters your peripheral as he scoots himself closer to the fire. at first you try to discreetly check him out because like come on how could you not🤤🤤 but you start to feel bad when you notice his labored breathing and how exhausted he looks. “hey, you alright?” you ask. “no.” he answers plainly.

you open your mouth to speak but you have not a single idea what you should say in this moment. ‘i understand’? no, because you dont. still, you cant just, like, do nothing. so you wrap an arm around him and pull him into a side hug.

it’s intimate. you can feel him shaking against you, the rapid rise and fall of his sides as he breathes. this is the sort of closeness you were looking forward to but its not like you imagined. its cold and awkward.

“im not gonna make it.” he croaks out, his throat hoarse 🐴 from dehydration. his words carve a pit in your stomach. your hope is already dwindling as is, but you try to ignore it the best you can. “no, tom, dont say that.” you pull away but leave a hand on his shoulder. “we’re gonna make it. we all are, okay?”

anything at all would have been more reassuring than the silence that follows. you let your hand fall from his shoulder and you both just sit with your thoughts for a while.

…

10 maybe 15 minutes pass before the silence is broken again by the plane creaking. honestly, you almost forgot about lennon and paul until now el oh el. horse gets a little spooked, and that might be because hes a horse and theyre scared of everything, but youre not putting it past him. whats the “it” in question? you dont know yet dawg youre just going off vibes

lennon and paul come sit in front of the fire. for a few moments they just talk between each other, occasionally glancing at you and the band. “mornin… y/n, right? anyways, i’ll cut right to the chase.” lennon starts. “you still have your gun on ya?”

you pat your pocket to make sure. “yup.”

“how many bullets you got?”

you fish the pistol out of your pocket and kinda fidget around with it, realizing you have no idea how to load or unload this thing. however, you can see a brassy sheen in the chamber so you know youve got at least one.

“uhhh? i dont know? i have one, at least.”

lennon pushes up his cracked glasses and massages the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. “okay. well. we need food, so we’re sending you all out hunting.”

“except, of course, your friend there.” paul nods towards tom.

you feel a little unsettled by the idea of leaving tom alone, even if hes a grown ass man and hes not truly alone. paul seems to notice your discomfort. “he’ll be alright. john’ll be here.” he assures, taking lennon by the arm and patting it. “hes strong… and… dependable….. ngh….” theres a very awkward silence that follows as he rubs circles lennons arm as they stare longingly into each others eyes.

“guys.” you snap your fingers a few times at them. “right, sorry…,” paul clears his throat and scoots away from lennon a few inches. “but… do you think you could do that for us?”

“uh yeah sure whatever man”

“splendid! 😆”

conveniently everybody else wakes up so i can progress the plot. “hello 🤖 we are rage against the machine 🤖” they all say in unison. “hello!! good morning! 😁” paul greets.

lennon gets up stands up in front of us. “yall want breakfast?”

we nod vigorously.

“too bad. we have nothing to give you. you know what that means?”

timmy raises his hand.

“yes?”

“um. do we have to go hunting?”

“yes!” lennon comes over and ruffles timmy’s hair and he leans into it. “excellent job.”

“oh, come onnn…..” zack complains, throwing his head back. we’ve only spent a day out here and its already starting to set in. and by it, haha lets just say.. the hunger, dehydration, and weakness.

“y/n will be doing most of the work anyways.” lennon crosses his arms. “all youre doing is riding on the horse or walking beside them.”

zack grumbles smth under his breath but doesnt protest further. lennon continues. “we’ll give you a few minutes to wake up and then we’re sending you out.”

you hate how bossy he is. you hate when anyone tells you what to do, wether that be your BOSS at WORK or your MOM at HOME or your TEACHER at SCHOOL… and it seems like the others feel the same. “now what makes you think you can just order us around the second we wake up?” brad questions.

“may i remind you of who’s been giving you food and shelter?” lennon yanks brad up by her shirt and gets in her face. she pushes him off of her. “shelter? you left us outside all night to sleep on the ground! with the chupacabras!”

“chupacabras? CHUPACABRAS ARENT REAL!!!! whats next? are you gonna put out milk and cookies for santa? well i have some news for you. santa isnt real ei—“

“SHUT UP BITCH DONT TALK ABOUT SANTA LIKE THAT”

brad lunges on lennon and suddenly you feel like cady heron watching the animals fight in africa. you go to pull her off of him. “girl hes lowkey right just sit this one out…” you whisper to her as you struggle to break them up. “SHUT UP Y/N IM GONNA KILL AND EAT THIS FAGGOT”

you know you dont have the physical strength or the right words to stop her, but you have an idea.

TICKLE FIGHT 😁😁😁😆😆😆😆!!!

you tickle brad and she erupts into a fit of laughter and rolls onto her back. “timmy!” he comes over and holds brad bridal style so she cant attack again.

lennon gets to his feet and dusts himself off, spitting on the ground. “bunch of animals! you three, go now!” he sounds so exasperated its kinda funny. “dont forget the horse.”

on queue, horse clops over to you. “i call dibs on riding the horse!” you declare, hopping on his back. worst idea. your ass hurts because he’s boney as fuck and theres no saddle. you cant back down now though or itll be really embarrassing. “alright, lets go i guess.” you declare, this time much quieter.

“wait.” lennon stops you omfg what now? “do not throw away your shot.” he warns firmly. uh ok man 😆 lets go .

…

you’ve been walking in a straight line for about 10ish minutes at this point, afraid to go in any other direction and potentially lose your way back to camp. at your side is zack, who’s been silent. timmy, however, has not.

“wow…. youre so pretty….. i didnt realize how pretty you were until i had you like this…. just wow…..” and so on at brad, who’s still in his arms.

“dude, shut the fuck up.”

“can i kiss you?”

“no”

“just a little kiss? cmonnnn”

“kill yourself”

she wiggles out of his arms and walks on her own. timmy’s a bit upset about it but he quickly moves on when he sees a hare and jumps on it with inhuman speed. horse jumps at the sudden movement and jostles you around painfully. “jesus, tim!”

timmy’s on the ground with the tiny animal clasped tightly in his hands, trying to bite its neck. the most this does is cause distress to the hare as his mouth isnt equipped with fangs like he thinks it is.

“timmy,” zack calls out. “yes?” he lifts his head and lets go of the hare and we all watch in horror as it sprints off into the distance. you had your gun out and everything.

“this is bullshit!” you jump off horse and start throwing a fit. “theres no food out here. if there was, they would have— wait a bird everyone shut up” you aim your gun at the bird. its just a little robin and wouldnt even feed you alone.

horse nudges your hands. “y/n, no.”

“bro fuck off”

“we cant eat that. dont throw away your shot.”

his words catch you and cause you hesitate for a moment. you decide you want to kill it anyways and you lift your gun again, only for the bird to fly away.

“uuggggggGHHHHH” pure frustration and desperation overtakes you. you put the gun to your temple before immediately letting it fall to your side again.

to your left, you hear someone, who turns out to be zack, approaching you. “hey, man, let me have that…” they slowly reach for your gun and surprisingly, you just let them have it. after tucking it safely in their pocket, they dont move. instead they squeeze your shoulder. “pull it together. we’ll be okay but only if we stay strong.”

you look up at them and wipe the tears from your eyes. “im trying.”

zack averts eye contact and licks her lips like a nervous dog as she thinks of what to say. “well lets stay trying, alright? we already found two animals, surely theres more.”

“yeah.. ur right..”

“no actually he’s not.” horse interrupts rudely.

“fym hes not?”

horse sighs solemnly and you just know tgeres about to be an exposition dump.

“you wanna know what we’ve been eating? rotten human flesh.”

naturally, you feel your stomach churn. not because of the cannibalism but because of the ‘rotten’ bit. thats just disgusting.

the rest have the same reaction to this news, timmy throwing up in his mouth.

horse continues. “the bodies of those who didnt survive the plane crash. it took a while for us to go through it all.”

“so you crashed a plane full of people? thats why youre out here?”

“yesss dude how else does a horse pilot end up in the socal desert with three british cowboy cannibals who live in a plane”

you rub your forehead as you try to process all of this. not like you can even get a fraction of a chance because he just keeps running his mouth.

“okay, but look, you and your friend are in big trouble. they sent you out here knowing you wouldn’t find anything of substance so they could pick off the weakest link, tom, without being stopped.”

“and youre just telling us this now because….?” zack speaks up finally.

“uhh change of heart 😆”

“youre such a piece of shit.”

“that one friend thats too woke. okay come on lets start heading back before they kill and eat him.”

go for broke rescue mission time!!! 😄😄😄

as yall walk back to camp, you discuss your plan.

“zack, keep that gun on you. they’ll expect y/n to have it and they might try and take it from them. timmy, we’re the strongest in the group. i have nearly 360 degree vision, so if you stay behind me you can fill my blindspot. we’ll be indestructible. brad, rush in and free tom. timmy and i will be guarding you. if they get to you, youre still stronger than lennon and probably paul too, so……. and y/n… just be y/n. we got this gang! lets go teamwork!!!!!! 😁😄😆🌸💖🌟💫”

nobody else is nearly as excited as horse. too pissed off at him. though, they do agree to the plan.

the trip back to camp is easy because theres smoke billowing towards the sky from the fucking camp like come on. when you get there, tom is roasting over the fire like uhh alex the lion in that one scene from madagascar 2 with the old lady. hogtied with an apple in his mouth type shit.

“so they DID have apples fuck mannnn” ohhh man horse always with the jokes 🤣

brad rushes in and starts trying to untie tom while timmy and horse circle around her. too tight to untie. she calls zack in and he struggles just as much. zack calls you in and you struggle just as much. hm if only there was like a sharp utensil that could be used to cut the rope.

“heh.. looking for this?” lennon stands in the doorway, holding up a knife tauntingly. without hesitation, brad goes in for the attack and pins him on the ground and reaches for the weapon. its about now that she notices its not even a knife but a piece of shrapnel from the plane.

she didnt really stop and think about the most possible outcome of her just getting stabbed, which is definitely happening. lennon gets her right in her shoulder, causing her to fold immediately. sorta.

he gets to his feet again but brad jumps at his legs and knocks his ass over like a bowling pin. right about now you figure you can get in on this. you run over and stomp on lennon’s back to keep him down. “knife!” you call out to brad.

lennon’s stupid ass tries to get to the knife before brad so you stomp on his hand and he scream loud as fuuucckkkk 😂

the sound alerts paul and now yall have two to deal with 😒 brad runs over to tom and gets to work on the rope and thats the last thing you see before the fist in your face.

youre on the ground. your hand instinctively goes to your nose before anything else. blood seeps through the cracks of your fingers and onto the ground and you almost panic at the sight but you remind yourself to keep pushing.

as you get to your knees and look up, youre met with a swift kick to the jaw before you can even see what hit you. back to the ground again.

pain pulses through your face and all the way down your neck. you screw your eyes shut and scrunch your nose, which only adds to the pain.

when you finally manage to open your eyes, paul is standing over you. are you kidding? you let this twink kick your shit in? you think. you prop yourself up on your elbows and try to back away instinctively but paul picks you up by your neck. if your jaw wasnt already broken, you could probably break free from his grasp. but it is.

“i know your ass would have used the gun by now if you had it. so who has it?” he demands, tightening his grip on your neck. even if your throat didnt feel like it was collapsing from the inside, you wouldnt speak. all you have to do is NOT look at zack. and in trying not to look at zack, you look at him about 348 times.

paul isnt dumb, he knows who youre looking at. “thanks.” GODD youll kill his cheeky ass personally. you just hope zack dont play around.

at this point, tom is free and brad has been defending him from lennon, which honestly isnt hard. his hand’s broken.

horse goes to block paul’s path and it sorta plays out like when you cross paths with someone in the hallway and you keep trying to move past each other but you keep moving to the same side. that is until paul just slips under him and goes straight for zack.

paul grabs him by the locs and reaches for the gun from the jump but luckily zack is standing on shit. he strikes paul in the head with the pistol not once but twice, sending him stumbling backwards. you can tell he’s trying not to pass out. “hey, john!” zack calls out, the gun taking turns being pointed at each lover.

lennon puts his hands above his head and so does paul. its silent. the only talking is through the exchanged looks the cowboys give each other.

“….zachary.”

“zacharias.”

“…..zacharias.” lennon corrects himself before continuing. “we give up. its over, just please dont kill us.”

“okay, yeah, you try to kill and eat my friend and you think you can just talk me down from shooting you both in the head? you aint slippin jimmy!” zack tries to keep his voice steady, to be intimidating.

“i can see your hands shaking from over here.” lennon comments. “you dont wanna be in this position. you dont have to be.”

“no. i do. i do.” he keeps repeating “i do”, even going as far as to tighten his finger on the trigger. the lovers see right through it, though. they search for and pick at the decaying scraps of restraint like vultures.

“shut up. shut up, shut up…” zack mumbles, more to himself. then, paul makes a really bold move. he approaches very slowly and deliberately, putting his palm to the barrel of the gun and lowering it.

its lost on zack bur not you or the others how paul’s hand is still on the gun. “see? wasnt so hard was i—“

suddenly, paul is kicked right in the side by horse. maybe horse is goated after all?

the action makes everyone freeze. at first, the attention is on paul’s writhing form on the ground but it quickly shifts to the gun that was sent flying.

the first to move is timmy, finally making himself useful, but then he hits his head on lennon’s as he also goes for the gun. both of them are knocked out and rendered useless.

brad quickly gets to her feet but leaves the knife behind in favor of the gun. for a moment, theres a sense of security as he holds the pistol tightly in her hands. lennon’s out cold and several of paul’s ribs are broken. he aint doing shit.

you all huddle together to regroup. “so… what now?” brad asks simply. “well, i do know the way…, vaguely… to the nearest major city. its san diego, i think.” horse admits.

zack lets out an exasperated scoff. “if you just took them to san diego in the first place, they wouldnt have to resort to eating people! none of this would have happened!”

“uhh i wouldve rather died out here than face the consequence of my actions 😆”

“youre a piece of shit.”

“that one friend thats too woke. i literally came around once i saw your guys willingness to live and stuff…. so it’s actually really heartwarming”

“okay, well… what about those two?” brad interjects.

“i say we just leave them.” you only put two cents in because you cant afford to speak anymore. it fucking HURTS bro.. 💔💔

“y/n is right.” zack agrees. “it sucks, but, like…. they tried to kill us, starving or not.”

the four of you sit there for a moment, just catching your breaths, decompressing, whatever. then you hear a very familiar sounding scream.

tom.

yall break your necks to see what’s happening. paul had crawled his ass over to tom while we were talking and stabbed him right in his gunshot wound with the left behind knife. seemingly just for the love of the game because what is he even gaining from this?

brad quickly slides the gun over to tom and encourages him to “not throw away his shot.”

tom quickly scrambles to grab the gun while trying to block paul’s attempts to stab him. despite how shaky his hands are, he’s fast with it. pretty much as quickly as it started, it ended with a bang.

it didnt quite set in for tom until paul’s body slumped over onto his chest, the shrapnel in his hand digging painfully into tom’s collarbone.

you, zack and brad go to help him. brad pulls paul, you pull tom, zack comforts him. well, idk if comforting is the right word. maybe holding each other close very gayly and crying is the right terminology.

while theyre having their little moment, you and brad move paul’s body so its next to lennon. brad check’s timmy’s head for any external injuries and thankfully there are none. “should we start loading him up?” you ask, your voice a little muffled from lack of control of your jaw. “maybe we should wait until morning to leave. right horse?”

“ya”

and then, because you can NEVER have a moment of peace, lennon starts to wake up. first thing he does is grab his head and sit up. you can tell that he can tell that something is very wrong. a few seconds later and his eyes land on paul. in that moment, he makes a terrifying realization but he doesnt quite react yet. first, he has to confirm.

lennon rolls paul’s limp body onto his back and sees the bullet hole, right between his glazed over eyes. the sight sends a jolt through him that sends him backwards onto the ground again but he cant bring himself to look away.

nobody dares to speak to him out of fear of making it worse, as if you can make it worse. eventually, though, he forces himself to break eye contact with paul and he’s first to speak.

“you killed him…”

though the tone itself is surprisingly neutral, the crazed look in his eyes gives him away. he looks at zack, the one closest to him, and decides it was him to did it.

lennon stands to his feet and strikes zack in one swift, sudden movement. sudden, but predictable. you and brad rush to restrain him but you cant stop him from getting a few more hits in. “get off me! get off!” he cries, thrashing himself around. “restraining me like im some wild animal…. youre the animals! you…. killed… him….”

his voice starts to taper off and turn into soft sobbing. soon his body goes limp and you both drop him.

for a while, he just sits there curled up like a sad lump on the ground, crying his eyes out. not much else to do but just sit there and listen.

the air is cold and harsh and not just from a figurative standpoint. a heavy gust of wind almost knocks you off your feet and blows the embers from the fire into your face. but after a few moments, the wind starts to still, then blow in the opposite direction. this time, softer, carrying a gentle whistle.

not long after, lennon finally speaks. “…i give up. its over.”

everybody’s too afraid to speak.

“you hear me? its over! please, just kill me. anybody.” he pleads.

you and the rest exchange silent looks, then you walk over and pick up the gun.

as you make your way over to lennon, kneeling on the ground and looking up at you with puffy red eyes, you feel uneasy. even though youve taken many lives before, even though this would be the most merciful act youve done today, you cant shake the guilt.

“make it quick.” he pulls the gun and presses it firmly on his forehead. you swallow and nod, putting your finger on the trigger and force yourself to make eye contact with him as you pull it.

you expect a bang, but its only a click, and lennon is still breathing. confused, you lift it from his forehead and check the chamber. empty. well, this is kind of awkward. brad brings you the knife and you hold it in your hand for a moment, feeling the weight of it.

“this wont be as fast, im sorry.”

“very well.”

with that being said, you cut him across the throat. almost immediately, he doubles over and falls to the ground with a thud.

“you wanna know something, john?”

you take the strangles gurgles as a response.

“yoko is fucking linda and your son is a chud.”

you swear you can see his eyes narrow before they gloss over, before his throat makes that sound of wailing winter winds as his soul leaves his body. but maybe your mind is playing tricks on you idk rofl.

after confirming lennon’s pulse, or lack thereof, you drag and leave him next to paul. the two lay face to face, looking into each other’s lifeless eyes.

Chapter Text

you and the gang decided to stay at the camp for the night as it would have been too dark to travel. notice i said “stay” and not “slept”. nobody slept. you couldnt even close your eyes. the only source of comfort was the warmth from your friends. that really did the heavy lifting

when everyones up, yall dont waste no time. first, you and zack raid the plane for supplies. theres not much, though you do find perfectly good bandages that were seemingly being withheld from tom. you stuff them in your pockets. zack manages to find a dinged up can of diet dr pepper. surprisingly, no holes. all contents are inside. he pockets it.

when you and zack emerge from the plane, you see brad, tom, and timmy hanging out. tom, though exhausted, seems to be in higher spirits than yesterday.

but the elephant you guys collectively blocked out of your minds is screaming “address me!”

you see ringo curled up next to lennon and paul, whimpering. your heart aches for the poor creature. slowly, you approach him and pet his head. its a small gesture but it cheers him up enough for him to get up. and lift his leg up and pee on them

ringo then follows you over to where the rest are. tom is slumped up against the plane and zack is kneeled in front of him, unwrapping the bloody crusty shirt from around his leg. “hey my shoulder is getting pretty infected. if you have bandage left can you please bandage it?” brad interjects, pulling down her shirt over her shoulder ngh… to show the spot where she was stabbed. the skin around the wound is slightly blackened and gross looking ew, eliciting a wince from zack.

“yeah,” he agrees before going back to the task at hand. what happens next will shock him! 😮

he gasps at the sight before him. what was a bullet wound now looks like an animal ripped chunks out of tom’s leg. you also notice it has some of the same blackening around the area as brad. “i knew it was getting worse but i didnt know it was this bad man fuck im gonna die😭😭😭” tom starts tweaking naturally but his friends love him and are there to support him 😆💕

timmy squeezes his shoulder and sorta down his biceps (gay) and says “hey man dont say that we’re gonna get outta here and were all gonna live ya! right brad?”

brad doesnt look too sure herself. “yes but we need to go like right now.”

zack takes this as a hint to hurry up and wrap up tom’s leg and then SKEDADDLE

you help timmy load tom up on horse and the rest of you just get to walk sorry. its just a lot of walking for the next 24 hours with very little breaks sorry and im too lazy to write this part so im going to do a time skip sorry

…

you reach the san diego hospital and youre tempted to get on your knees and kiss the ground like youre a sailor who hasnt felt solid ground in months

“well, time for me to go!” horse announces.

“wait what?” zack asks

“i no longer have plot relevance so im going to kill myself”

horse proceeds to violently buck tom off his back.

you all go to see if hes okay, including ringo who you also brought. “dude what the fu—“

“bye everypony!”

he then explodes all over everybody.

a stunned silence takes over the gangalang. then tom breaks the silence with “well…. ive seen stranger things! 😂”

“yeah so has everybody else with a netflix subscription. lets go.” zack grumbles, dragging tom into the entrance of the hospital with everybody else following. except you. you feel like a divine presence is keeping you there.. and also making you pick up horse’s disembodied leg to put in your pocket. this could be important later

you trot to catch up with the rest. zack, being the only one without an injury (i think i dont wanna go back and read my own shit), is at the payphone. always on that damn phone. it sounds important though.

you watch tom get carted off and brad and tim describe their injuries before you step up. they note your swollen face and how you dont even try to move your jaw, then take you back to a room.

everyone’s separated now. not that you really care rn. youre exhausted and happy to be in a real bed where you can rest and hydrate without doing anything. soon you’re asleep.

…

when your eyes open again, zack is there and you deadass shit your pants.

“sorry…” he chuckles and plays with the bottom of his shirt nervously, which kinda makes you want to get him pregnant

you wave your hand dismissively and he continues. “so… when we’re discharged, we’re gonna be staying with some people i know here in san diego. his name is vic, hes in this polycule with 2 others. theyre also a band but anyways yeah they know of you being a terrorist and all that.”

this mostly goes through one ear and out the other because youre high on painkillers, but you get the main point you think. you nod absently.

“everybody is…” zack trails off, choosing his next words carefully. “….alive.”

you narrow your eyes at him, which doesnt go unnoticed. “alright, brad, timmy, and ringo are okay, but we dont know what the hells up with tom. the doctors seem confused, which doesnt look like a good sign.” his voice breaks the longer he talks and it breaks your heart :( you reach out and grab his hand to comfort him. at this point youre so used to physical intimacy with these people that it feels like youre holding hands with an old friend.

your little moment is interrupted when some old man, presumably the doctor, comes in the room. hes not wearing a coat or scrubs or anything. just a suit. and hes using a wooden cane.

“omg hiiii how is everybody 😁😁😆😆 my name is dr. house and im gonna be your doctor today! 🌸🌸”

he gleefully walks over to you.

“how are you feeling sweetheart?”

you mumble something from deep inside your throat in response.

“oh, wonderful! 😆🌸” he spins and turns to zack. “oh, and might you be zacharias? wait…. i know you! you were one of the werewolves that fought against the aliens!” house reaches down and pets zack on the head like a puppy.

zack growls indignantly and swats house’s hand away. “dr. house….? what is— whatever, do you know whats up with tom yet?”

“ohhh, yes! he and brad actually have the same thing. they have necrotizing cutaneous mucormycosis which basically means that a fungus is eating away at their soft tissues. its a pretty rare infection. you can only get it if youre immunocompromised or seriously injured and come into contact with contaminated soil. so, basically, if he a) rolled around in dredged up soil for fun or b) was injured by a tornado and got dirt carried by aforementioned tornado in the wound or c) got stabbed by a piece dirty piece of metal from a plane crash that undoubtedly kicked up dirt after being shot in the leg, then—“

“shut the fuck up, please shut the fuck up”

zack interrupts finally.

house rubs his arm nervously. “…if you aren’t satisfied with my care, i can get dr. borland for you…?”

“just answer me this.” zack gets up from his chair and gets all close and personal with the old man. “is he going to live?”

house shifts uncomfortably. “brad only shows minor signs of necrosis around h—“

“house i am actually going to fucking kill you if you arent straight up with me”

he sniffles and finally caves. “OKAY there is a very low chance of survival for tom because of how far the infection has progressed and it seems the wound was already improperly cared for bef—“

zack then whips out a gun and shoots house in the neck and quickly runs out of the room.

you sit there trying to process whats happening for a moment but you pretty quickly realize it’s probably a good idea to find zack maybe? you rip the iv painfully out of your arm and head for the door but you cant stop yourself from looking at house on the ground. hes still alive and struggling. the gurgling sound hes making reminds you of lennon seconds before he died and you lowkey have to fuck off because of that 🤣🤣 when the memories are painful 🤣🤣

doctors push past you when you step into the hallway to get to house. “hmm where could zack be…” you rub your chin thoughtfully. “oh! jarvis show me a 3d model of the hospital and a dot where zack is with her name under it.”

just like that, a blue hologram appears in front of you and you hit the tony stark side smirk.

when you get to where the dot is, hes in a

i aint even gonna hold u tom is dead