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“Hey, Jouji. Do you have a minute?” Mom asks as she checks in the fridge. “I forgot some bread and eggs at the store the other day.” She straightens and I amble over to check myself. Sure enough, no bread and no eggs.
Her brown eyes sparkle; she must’ve planned all this. Not that I’m against it at all. Mom looks more tired than usual after Granddad died, and putting on a brave face for her students every day probably doesn’t help either.
Include my whole mess with my disability and it’s a three-ring circus.
“Are you sure you want me to go?” I ask, and Mom gets a stern look on her face.
“You need to get out of the house, and just staying inside like this isn’t gonna help.” She cups my face with her hands and kisses me on the forehead. “Just get the stuff and hurry back, okay?”
Just before I leave, my twin brother Josuke with his expensive uniform, pompadour, and kinda swaggering walk stops by. He kisses Mom on the cheek and hands me my walker. I push it out of its folded position, and clicker-clack out into the foyer, easing on my slide-on shoes.
“If I were you, I’d stick around outside a while,” Josuke says.
He was gonna go for a shoulder pat, but he pulled me in for a quick hug. “Be careful. If anyone tries to stop you, keep moving.” he hisses that last bit into my ear.
Weird.
As I get outside, there’s a chill in the air, like someone’s watching me. I grip the rubber handles of my walker and steel myself for the journey to the Grocery Store! Rolling out and to the bus stop, there’s nothing much that I notice, not for lack of trying. I also smooth my messy hair out of my eyes and head on. Ah well, as long as I can get what I’m out for! I get on the bus to the place where Mom's favorite grocery store is, listening to a song on my MP3 player. I lean against my hand to focus on what I need to do. I'll get it done.
The store wasn't too busy. I find the bread and the eggs easily enough, but I could never get over the staring. Some kids point me out and yell, “Look, he has weird leg things!”
And...
“He has wheels!”
The way people look at me like I’m a sideshow attraction with my clicking and clacking walker is not doing much to help. Sometimes I wish my wheels were just silent, or I had something like a noodle instead of these clopping hinged type of AFO. It bothers me every time. I steady my breath and just focus on the fact that I’m getting home soon. At least it’s a long walk to the bus stop from here. Because of my Cerebral Palsy Mom, Granddad, and Josuke always try to make me walk for as long as I can. So I can eventually get out of the walker and walk on my own.
What helps too is my imaginary friend. I almost never see it, but it always ferries what I need into baskets or helps me grab things I can’t reach. It’s a simple thing and a simple life for me. At least I don’t mind the stares when it grabs things. No one else can see it except for my brother. I keep walking as the warm wind brings in the rain clouds. Someone familiar spots me and I hear her voice. Josuke's words come back in full force and my legs hitch to pick up the pace.
“Jouji! It’s so good to see you!” the voice exclaims from across the street. I’m trying to get my mom’s groceries back home. My walker clatters and clacks along, and I can’t run away. Her name is Karera, and she walks along with me.
To tell the truth, Karera Yamagishi freaks me out because she’s so forward. She’s always had an interest in me ever since I started high school. (She’s in her third year whereas Yukako and I are both in our first.) She watched me when I was over at their house playing with Yukako; she used to take us out to the park, and always made sure I got my scrapes and cuts all cleaned up if I got them. Karera’s kinda nice, but there was always this competitive edge between her and Yukako that makes me shiver just thinking about it.
“Oh, uh... hey, Karera.” I nod and speed walk ahead of her because I don’t want to be stopped by her.
“Wait up, Speed Racer!” she cries before wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug, “Gotcha-haha!” She lets go and I lift my walker to turn around, “Oh! You’re taking groceries to your mom? That’s soooo~ sweet!”
“Do you need help?” she asks, “I haven’t seen Miss Tomoko in such a long time!” Her bandana has fish on it and her hair falls in a fluffy bunch down her back. Similar to her sister’s hair. My heart lurches as she drops her friendly tone and goes for a soft, concerned one.
“Are you doing okay in school?” she hovers close by almost in the same way as Yukako does, and then it’s right back to the bubbly tone, “I’ve been having a hard time paying attention, it’s soooo~ boring!” She’s so carefree compared to her sister. Sure, she works almost every job under the sun that she can get, but she’s kinda cool.
Karera dresses like she doesn’t care who’s looking. Tube top, short shorts, and a little sweater-vest. Apparently, back when she was in Middle School she was a gyaru, which is cool! Her whole independent vibe is something I like about her. Her confidence both scares and makes me like her.
I nod and she exclaims, “That’s great!”
She and I walk side by side, her hand brushing against mine to make sure I don’t go off-roading. Unlike Yukako’s death grip and constant worry. Her dark purple eyes glitter in the sunlight before it gets swallowed by a cloud. She hums something to herself and I notice her hold slip off. I’m walking on my own.
“Looks like it’s gonna rain.” I blurt out to cut the silence.
“Yep! I love taking my shoes off and dancing in the puddles!” she exclaims and then notices I’m one hell of a person to say it to, “Uh... sorry...” she gets a little sad and looks away.
“It’s alright, Karera. I know what you mean.” I smile and that’s when a fat raindrop smacks me right in the face, so I pick up the pace. She matches it and we’re practically running to the nearest dry spot. Both of us soaked to the bone, panting hard from the run over to a bus stop awning, and she laughs.
It’s pretty, almost like a bell, or the rush of the wind. Something free and pure that everyone can hear for miles or no matter where they are. Karera plunks down and I’m doing the same next to her. We sit and wait for the bus back to my neighborhood. I glance at her wet hair and how she doesn’t seem to mind being in the rain at all. Or even being without an umbrella. We listen to the rain fall against the awning like a constant drum. The pitter-patter is going for a soft tum-tida-tum. Once again, the silence overtakes all aside from her humming to herself. It sounds like... Prince?
“Jouji?” she asks.
“Yeah?” I peek over at her and she’s looking me right in the eyes. It almost completely spooks me, but I stay strong. Is she getting closer to me?
“What do you wanna do when you graduate?” She scooches forward, “I want to become a fashion designer and go to Milan.” She’s so close that I can feel her breath against my skin and see the raindrops run down her arms and legs. She smiles, and it’s like the sun.
All I can think about is how pretty she is, how free, and how I’d just bog her down. She’s two years older than me and wanting to do something with her life, and I don’t know where to begin. Not to mention she’d have to lug me around places, and sometimes I can’t get anywhere. Even if I could be Karera's boyfriend all I'd do is hold her back. That's all I ever do, after all.
“I don’t know.” I answer, “I’ve never thought about it.”
"Well, you know what? I have something that might help. It's a special charm for good luck!" she and I are so close at this point that we're eye to eye and almost touching. I wonder what it could be?
"Should I close my eyes?" I ask.
Karera nods and I do it. In the dark, her wet arms wrap around my shoulders and she pulls me forward out of my walker. Her lips are soft, warm, and my heart goes rapid fire. She's kissing me! Oh my god, she's kissing me! Her lips taste like the fruit she snacked on before she ran into me (an orange), she smells like the rain (It mixes with the lavender scent of her shampoo), and the way she slowly lets me breathe by easing up and moving from my right cheek to my left. (Both of them are blazing red right now!)
She ends at my forehead and I can hear her heartbeat even from here. It's pounding making me realize she's also nervous about this, or at the very least just as excited as I am. Karera's arms squeeze me again.
"There, now you have all the luck you need, Jouji!" she grins and helps me up to grab onto my walker. I'm so bubbly right now I could float all the way to America and back. I just have this stupid grin on my face.
My first kiss was with my best friend's older sister. My first ever kiss with a girl who isn't my mom! I can't help but ask, "What do I do with it?"
"You don't tell anyone a kiss brought you luck! It's a sec-ret~" she teases with a finger on her lips, "Shhhhh!" I can't help but let out a small chuckle at that.
"Why did you do it?" I ask through the bubbly giggling.
"Because you gave me such a good answer," she says as she twirls some of her hair around her fingers, "I wanted to give you a little pearl of wisdom." As the bus pulls up she slips her hand around one of mine.
"Living in the present is better than agonizing over the future or the past," she tugs on my hand, "Now come on, let's get you home!" I let go of one side of the walker to squeeze her own.
I just want to be independent like Karera is.