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If I was one thing, the answer wouldn't be lucky. In fact, the polar opposite.
The whole reason I won the challenge in BFDIA 21 was because of needle’s gratitude. Atleast someone cares about me. Even if ever so slightly. A nice gesture is rare nowadays. Rudeness really makes you feel belittled, and lonely, especially when everyone around you who’s rude has friends…or, a friend.
Pin wasn’t so insolent and cheeky at the start of BFDIA. She was almost...kind-of nice. Though, i suppose losing your limbs, face, and size, does set you up to be a little bit bitter. But i believe theres no excuse to completely disregard other peoples feelings. Well, uh, if your feelings are completely disregarded, i guess its okay. But its not okay to betray your friend who helped you get aforementioned stuff back! And, its definitely not okay to impale and shred me with a rotating drill.
Sometimes I forget im apart of freesmart. I guess thats why pin does not favour me. But the other half; I know for sure. Because I didn't let Icecube swing with her. Its been years since that encounter. I cant believe she still even holds onto that! I don't hold grudges, so i wouldn't know, but I can say. Im a life-advice textbook. So i’d know its not healthy to hold years-long grudges, because of something very little.
…
Needle and I are friends. Mainly because we’re both Freesmarters, though. Needles’ one of the nicest people who are in the game, If not the nicest. I mean, Asides from Coiny. They're nearly tied. he's kind, but very competitive. Thankfully, he's not a sore loser, though. He brightens up the mood quite a bit, at least when things get rough!
Coinys' always been that sort of upbeat boy, who's there for you even if you don't know him like that. Ever since BFDIA started, he's been a good sportsman. Particularly after pin got her conscience back. Its like he’s been a little wary of getting on bad terms with someone, and then (indirectly) have pin harass them for episodes and episodes…
...Then there's Tennis ball. Tennis ball is smart. Though-- I guess being a scientist comes with the typical ‘mad’ trope. Albeit he can be a little.. creative sometimes, hes still a good guy nonetheless. All mischief he creates is in the intent of winning the challenge. It's nothing personal..unlike pin, whereas everything she does feels like a stab in the lobe.
To be honest, it kind of hurts. Not like the pain of being kicked in the leg, but an ache in my chest. Everyone here has someone there for them. Someone they can call a good friend. Someone.. who will listen, be there for them, help them. No matter how they act, how they look or talk. Sometimes, i wonder what that feels like. A friend to truly call your best friend. Sure, i have Freesmart. As much as i hate to say it though, i never felt like... a true member? I feel a little left out, pushed to the side. My ideas sometimes dismissed. Obviously, no one needs to listen to me all of the time; but it'd be nice to be heard out sometimes. Which is pretty ironic, considering i'm usually the voice of reason amongst our group. Must be nice to be pencil, or match, huh? Although, I think I'll stick with being myself for now...
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Book was walking along the outskirts of the island they were on, admiring the landscape. A change of scenery was very much needed. The same, old Goiky gets boring now and then. It seems thats the only thing that doesn't change around here now days. Its impossible to remember when they actually had a stable host, and game. Its been so long since BFDI-- the only thing thats extremely memorable about it is Leafy stealing Dream Island. To be quite frank, if she hadn't, Book wouldn't be walking here right now. Not looking up ahead, she collided with someone, slightly stumbling back. The manual lifted up her head after holding it for a second, she'd bumped into something pretty hard.
Pin groaned, also looking up at who she ran into.
"Hey, watch where you're walking, Book!" She scoffed.
Book stayed silent for a moment. To think it was just so peaceful... "..Sorry," she sighed, "Couldn't i say the same for you?"
"For the record, I was, i was waiting for YOU to look ahead, and move out the way! And, besides, wheres your lit-tle group of lo-sers? Are you abandoning them?"
"Great thinking, Pin. And I'm NOT abandoning them! All i did was go out for a walk, is that such a sin?"
"Someones snarky to-day!" The pushpin teased Book. She was starting to get aggravated. Usually, she wouldn't let something so miniscule bother her, but she was feeling pretty down today. She didnt need any extra weight on her shoulders. Weights that she couldnt hold.
Books tone changed ever-so slightly. "Dont you think you should give the harshness a rest? Especially when its, plain out, uncalled for!"
"Harsh? You think some jo-kes are HARSH? Please, let me tell you whats HARSH!" She yelled, "Whats harsh is your team-mates taking away all of your limbs, and making fun of you! Do you know how hard it was to constantly bounce around everywhere, instead of just walking? No, you DO-NT! Imagine only having one person in the entire game who liked you! And your aforementioned friend, likes almost everyone, too! Everyone who was fine with turning their fellow contestant into a real, inanimate object! I couldn't speak for months. I couldn't walk, communicate, or do anything at that. No one cared about me! Only one person! And after going through hell and back to get me back, their efforts were in vain! I could only ooze. OOZE, BOOK! So do not complain to me about being 'harsh', because you've clearly never experienced it. Im like this because you guys made me like this! Do you think I want to have no arms, and only wheels to move around? Do you think I chose to be like this? NO!"
Book listened to Pin's tirade. First, she felt very sympathetic, like she always has. Despite being enemies, she still felt bad for what pin had to go through. But the more she listened to the object's rant, the angrier, and more.. envious she felt. How does she get to become so crude the moment something awful happens to her, but the moment Book feels a sense of disdain, she gets ridiculed. Suddenly, she's overreacting! She's expected to be perfectly fine, and happy-go-lucky, after being ripped to shreds. After losing 6 contests, In a row, at that! She knows life isnt always fair, but there are rules to a game. And in some games, you're expected to play fair. And suddenly, in the midst of emotional turmoil, she cant have HER moment? Book felt this rage bubbling up to the top. She couldn't help herself, and maybe, its for the best.
"Pin, Im sorry this happened to you. Ive said it more times than i cant count, probably. But listen, I, and others, are beyond sick of your complaining, and your sarcastic remarks. They are glorified insults! I don't know why you feel so comfortable hiding behind your past, to justify your terrible actions. All of us are allowed to feel mad. We can hold grudges. To each their own, but you are going out of your way to inflict pain upon everyone solely to make yourself feel better!"
Pin merely stared at book. She'd never expected her to explode like this. Well, she did, but at least not right now. She was about to open her mouth, until Book spoke again.
"I, specifically, have been your punching bag this season. I guess partly because I'm apart of Freesmart, and the other part for not letting Icecube swing with you. But shouldn't you be shunning the specific people who did it to you? I had absolutely no part whatsoever in your shrinkage, and removal of your limbs! Also, Icecube is her own person! Im sure, if she wanted to swing with you that bad, she would've! And asides from your relentless insults, I've been the punching bag of EVERYONE! Have you ever lost 6 episodes in a row? Have you ever experienced some of the most brutal deaths in the history of this show? Do you know.."
Book took a deep breath, her eyelids drooping. She knew what she wanted to say, why couldn't she perfectly articulate it? The rest seemed to roll out of her mouth perfectly. Was it too painful to say out loud? To your nemesis, may I add.
"...How hard it is to stay goodhearted after all of this? How hard it is to stay empathetic, compassionate, willing to always help out or form an alliance? I have been nothing short of courteous and lenient this season. And to no avail, my efforts are overlooked and pushed aside! Im a pushover. I'm torn to shreds like I'm only paper, no consciousness. Not just my body, but my feelings! Its almost always by you. impaled, torn, electrocuted, you name it. YOU think its okay, because you had your feelings hurt before. Taken away, even. But you got nearly all of it back, I don't understand! I could be ran over by a stampede of suggested characters, and no-one would even glance at me. Much less think to help me. Seriously, is it that hard to be nice for once? nice to ME for once? It would be a grace from the gods above to get the same gratitude I give. At least once-- Even if slightly."
Book took a few deep breaths, exhausted by her polemic.
Pin felt a surge of emotions at once. Despite how bad she wanted to say something spiteful at the 'attack' on her attitude, she couldn't. She hated that. She hated that she actually understood Book's perspective. That that wasn't the worst thing about it. The one thing she hated most of all...
Was how much Pin saw herself in book.
Her point of view, who she could've been, who she is, at heart. They were both vigorously wronged, albeit one physically, and one emotionally. Maybe physically too. From time to time. They both just wanted friends at some point. Someone to possibly depend on. Pin has Coiny, but what would happen when he leaves her? If he does leave her? Or when she leaves him.
Book had Feesmart, but did she have Freesmart? Pin couldn't help but notice how much of an outcast she was in their little circle of friends. Her personality wildly differed from the rest of them, too. She didn't hold as much strong feelings towards anyone their group did. Like golfball, or even Pin herself. Freesmart disliked them a lot. But, book? Not so much. She's always been sort of, the odd one out. Not just in her alliance, but in everything.
"Its not surprising you're at a loss for words. When you cant find a way to criticize someone, you always have nothing to say." Book scoffed, she bounded past Pin, and off into the hazy distance. Pin hadn't realized how foggy it was out at night near the shoreline. She had turned and watched the girl storm past her, pretty furiously. That was the least expected thing this season. Somehow, the pushpin was.. proud? She didn't understand her line of thought much herself right now. She didn't know what exactly to feel. Thats a problem for later, i suppose.
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Book was sitting behind a bush, making figures with twigs she had gathered. She couldn't help but reminisce on the night before. All of her thoughts seemed to roll off of her tounge near perfectly. It was like that of a waterfall; she couldn't stop them from falling off. Book cringed a little, a twinge of regret poked and prodded at her. She said what needed to be said, so why'd she feel so bad about it?
A pair of... wheels had came into her view of vision. Her pupils moved upwards, And then, her head rose slowly up to Pin. Her eyebrows lifted a little, confused on how she was found, and confused why she was here. This was her chance, to fix things. Well, not exactly 'fix'. More so just apologize for being rude.
She opened her mouth, closed it, and opened it once more. Book started, sighing. "...Im sorry. You shouldn't have to had listened to my-"
Pin cut her off by putting a hand (wheel?) on her shoulder.
This gesture surprised Book, her eyes widening, and her jaw agape. She was going to say something, however, maybe its best she doesn't. Comfort was the last thing she'd expected from the red object in front of her. from anyone, honestly.
"Do-nt apologize, Book," Pin vocalized, "This is extreme-e-ly- overdue."
The hardcover furrowed her brows, curious.
"Book, I am... Sorry. for, everything. I don't know if you will, but I wont be surprised If you don't forgive me. Just, know, I really want to change. And, I really will try. You and me have a lot more in common than we let on."
Her expression quickly morphed into a soft smile, her eyes slightly lit up. She'd never exactly expected an apology. Much less from someone who hates... hated, her. Out of everyone whos competing, Pin was the last person she'd ever expect to apologize to anyone. She was also so used to giving, she never realized how much such a small gesture could mean to her-- or change her mood, for that matter. Book could tell Pin was being sincere. A look of reassurance was plastered across her face, it seemed like it was one of the last things she'd take solace in. Book was a little bit flustered, to say the least. Even though the words had been said a while ago, every moment it seemed like they were repeating in her head. It was like there were butterflies in her stomach. It was pathetic. Such simple words, made her feel such succor.
The Book lifted herself off of the ground, a bit below eye level with pin.
"I didn't think you had it in you, Pin.."
She chuckled.
"I guess I do, af-ter all!"