Chapter Text
How is one supposed to lay low and live quietly, when all they’ve ever known has been chaos and death? The question troubled Levi frequently. After the Rumbling was disrupted, a massive part of the world, as they knew it, was in shambles. That shithead , he would curse Eren inside of his head. Sometimes, it was hard to put the blame on him; he was guided by unfathomable forces that he couldn’t free himself from and, despite that, he ensured a way for the people he trusted to put an end to that madness. Other times, he was unforgivable. Unforgivable for not living longer, for not surviving along with everyone else. He had so much to say to that blockhead. Regardless, there was no choice but to move forward.
A year after the battle of Heaven and Earth, as they called it, Levi’s life transformed entirely. Having to get used to using a wheelchair was unnerving sometimes; he had always been on the move, so it cost him. However, that didn’t prevent him from living his life. The first year, he lived with Onyankopon in a makeshift home in Liberio, helping rebuild the city, restore the flora and rehabilitate the refugees, the homeless and the wounded. The work was exhausting and devastating, more often than not. People would mourn their lives, their massacred loved ones, their homes, pinning the blame on Eren and the Titans. All Levi could do was remain silent; he was perfectly aware that it was technically his fault. The details wouldn’t matter to anyone.
Slowly but steadily, he built a routine for himself. Once a week, he visited a doctor for a check-up. Usually, Gabi and Falco (“ the kiddos ”, as he referred to them) would accompany him and then they would spend the rest of their day together. Those two had become a huge part of his life, though he didn’t want to admit it. Their parents would often send him meals or desserts, as their way of expressing gratitude over him protecting their children. In exchange, he treated them to whatever they wanted and complied with the ridiculous plans they would come up with. Unbeknownst to them, he had discovered a newfound source of strength. He watched them grow and become softer, more mellow versions of themselves and full of life, as children should be.
It goes without saying that he still kept in touch with the (ex) members of the 104th Division after they parted ways. Armin and his team, along with the former Marleyan Warriors, still had a lot of work to do as ambassadors, to ensure a peaceful treaty between Paradis and the rest of the world. Levi received numerous letters from them, updating him on the state of affairs every now and then. Take care of yourselves, you shitty brats, he always responded, with all the love in his heart. Apart from them, he also maintained contact with Historia, who was happily raising her daughter. The former Queen would always attach a photograph inside the letter and, if he was in the mood, he would send one back. The last person he corresponded with was Mikasa, probably more often than the aforementioned people. He was severely worried about her after she fled with Eren’s decapitated head, in order to bury it undisturbedly. As the only other remaining Ackerman he knew, he attempted to improve their relationship by writing to her every week, even if there was nothing new or thrilling to talk about. Mikasa didn’t respond as often, but when she did, her letters were filled with sorrow. For that reason, Levi decided to open his heart to her about grief and loss. Little by little, the envelopes returned thicker, as she pushed herself to do the same. “Thank you for making me feel less lonely,” she wrote once.
Before he could register the change, he found himself in a new home outside of Odiha. In a short period of time, the city was rebuilt and life sprung back to it; by rebuilding the port, merchants and help from other places – many times unaffected by the Rumbling – arrived often, so the process was sped up. The idea belonged to Onyankopon, who speculated the change of scenery would do the Captain some good. At first, Levi was reluctant; afterall, that was the place where Hange sacrificed themself and died. Living there could serve as a constant reminder of their passing, as if the stitches they had graced him with after saving his life weren’t enough. After voicing his concerns to the kiddos, his mind was made up. “If I’m correct, Commander Hange never received a proper burial,” Falco pointed out hesitantly, studying the older man’s expression. “Maybe after moving there, you could make a grave for them,” the boy added. Gabi’s eyes lit up after taking a bite out of a waffle. “I heard that in some cultures, there are things called ghosts or spirits,” she said enthusiastically. “What if you run into Hange’s ghost? Wouldn’t that be amazing?” Her sincerity was so sweet that Levi didn’t have to think about it further. A few weeks later, he had gathered and packed his belongings and, with Onyankopon’s help, he moved into his new house.
It was a stone cottage consisting of a single floor, which was perfect for Levi to move around by himself. There were two bedrooms, a bathroom and the living room, which was connected to the kitchen in the same space. The cottage was surrounded by a long, log fence, creating a front and a back yard. Luckily for him, it was large enough to be able to take care of by himself. As soon as he arrived there, he started to move around using his cane to move more comfortably while cleaning. Whenever he got too tired or his knee was irritated, he used his chair. The place was also not too far from Libero, which meant that the kiddos could visit whenever and for as long as they wanted. Soon enough, he had obtained furniture to decorate the house; being the minimalist that he was, he only got whatever was absolutely needed. What he didn’t account for was the amount of miscellaneous items he would be sent by his acquaintances. For example, Armin managed to send him a telephone. Onyankopon had promised to install it for him, although he was wary of that strange machinery. Supposedly, that device was used for communication, where the user speaks into the transmitter, which was on the bottom of the handset, and sound from the other side of the line is broadcasted through the speaker. Armin had written down his number and asked his former Captain to give a call. Much to his misfortune, everyone from the 104th class now had his number and would bother him often.
After settling down, he went around the town and looked for a job. In his state, and especially as a stranger to this place, he was afraid it would be hard to find anything, but his worries were proven wrong. A kind cobbler in the middle of the town had just started his business and was looking for help in the store. That man named Paul was in his late fifties already, working tirelessly day and night to get his store running by himself. His entire family, except for his teenage daughter, were the sole survivors of the Rumbling. It was difficult sharing his story, and Levi definitely withheld certain details, but he was honest about his intentions; he wanted to live a quiet life after decades of fighting and surviving. Paul’s daughter, Irene, who was present during that conversation, was moved and begged her father to hire him. And so, Levi found himself a job, which, much to his surprise, turned out to be way more exciting and fulfilling than he initially assumed.
For a while, he thought his life was as gratifying as it could be. There was one thing missing though. Levi hadn’t heard of you in a significantly long time. It was as if you had disappeared from the face of earth. The last time you had seen each other was right before the Rumbling began. As one of the last remaining Scouts, you had been assigned to guard and protect Historia. The task was too grave to be assigned to just anyone, so Levi decided to hand it to you. There were no complaints on your part, of course. Historia was a fellow comrade and your precious underling, one of the best and most skilled too, there was no reason to decline. However, the thought of being parted from Levi was unbearable. The entire time you stayed with Historia and her husband, James, you tried to put on a brave face, but after Paradis was overtaken by Jaegerists and the Rumbling began, your fear and anxiety spiraled out of control.
Eren was killed and Historia birthed a lovely, healthy baby girl. It was hard for her too. When James was away, she would cry herself to sleep, missing Ymir. Your relationship with her had developed to a point where there were no secrets between the two of you, so she would speak her mind freely. Her husband was undeniably a dependable man and a great father, who loved her more than anything, but… it wasn’t Ymir. You spent countless nights comforting her, sitting outside on the patio of their house while the baby was sleeping inside. Other nights, you reminisced on your Scout Regiment days. Even with James present, you loved to share all sorts of stories and gossip before her class joined. That was the first time you ever revealed any sort of information about yourself to a Squad Member, like Historia used to be. She was surprised to learn that you joined before both Hange and Levi. Like most people, you started off as a Squad Member; you were only sixteen at the time and you were estranged from your family for that reason. That didn’t stop you in the least. You had always been headstrong and unwavering in your decisions ever since you were a child. A few years later, Hange joined. They were the most interesting person you had ever met in your life and your peculiar personalities immediately matched.
“What about the Captain?” Historia’s eyes glimmered with curiosity. You smiled, taking a sip of your liquor.
“He joined under unusual circumstances, along with two other people,” you explained. “They were all from the Underground and were promised citizenship, but we weren’t allowed to access any more information on the matter, so most of us had grown suspicious of him,” you smiled. “His friends were mauled during their first expedition by a Titan. I heard he snapped and went on a rampage and attempted to assassinate the Commander, but, Erwin being Erwin, inspired him into a change of heart.” You took another sip and finished your glass. “After that, I tried to approach him. I guess I always had a thing for oddballs. I leave it up to your imagination as to how that went, at least in the beginning.” Historia cackled, her cheeks flushed. “As we climbed the ranks, our relationship evolved. We did spend a substantial amount of time together.” You took a deep breath, memories flooding your mind. “The last rank I found myself in was of the Squad Leader and then everything went downhill,” you joked.
When Historia’s daughter turned three years old, they acquired a telephone. It was easier to communicate with others, especially for business matters. In the meantime, she had hired a woman to take care of her child whenever she or James weren’t available. Thankfully, you weren’t needed that much anymore. Historia encouraged you to get in contact with Levi, but you faltered. After receiving the news that the Rumbling ended and Levi survived, you sobbed in relief. Through his correspondence with Historia, you were aware of his whereabouts and the state of his well-being, but a part of you couldn’t muster up the strength to visit him. It was agonizing and the feeling devoured you alive.
It was one of those days where you found yourself home alone, along with the babysitter and the kid. The two were outside frolicking, when the phone rang; it was hard getting used to its grating sound and it always startled you. You walked inside and finally picked it up, as a familiar voice called for your name. “Jean?” you gasped in surprise.
The Commanding Officer laughed. “That’s me,” he replied. “Did you finally get the hang of using those damn machines?”
A cacophony of chatting reverberated from the other end of the line and you instantly recognized Connie’s voice. “Just barely,” you exhaled dramatically. “How are you holding up?”
Jean sighed. “Just barely,” he parroted. “Discussions aren’t going as planned and Jaegerists have a stronger grip on the people of Paradis than we calculated.”
“That was part of the plan, though, wasn’t it?” Everyone comprehended that the negotiations for peace weren’t going to roll as smoothly as they hoped for, so it didn’t come as a surprise. “You all alive?”
“And kicking!” Connie shouted, so loudly that you winced and moved the phone away from your ear. “We miss you, Chief!” A faint smile curled at the edge of your scarred lips.
“I miss you all, too,” you replied. Expressing your feelings had always been a struggle, but after everything, you had decided to put effort into being more honest about them with the people you cared for. “If you need Historia, you’re unlucky. She had arranged a meeting with Miss Kiyomi, so she’s currently away.”
You heard a shuffling and a gruff that sounded like it belonged to Jean. “Actually, I didn’t call for her, but you.” This took you by surprise, but you remained quiet, allowing him to continue. “Someone’s been looking for you for a long time, but it seems you’ve been giving him the cold shoulder, not responding to his letters and all.” Your heart pounded inside your chest. It can’t be… “Captain’s been trying to get a hold of you, but with all this shift in technological advancement, on top of his personal stuff, he’s been having trouble contacting you, so I thought to give him a hand.” He chuckled and you rolled your eyes. “Write down his phone number and give him a call, will you?”
A lump formed in your throat. The mere idea of hearing his voice again made your heart leap. You quickly jotted down the number Jean shared with you and expressed your gratitude before hanging up. Frozen in place, your thoughts drifted off. Would it be appropriate to call him? What if he's mad that I didn't write him a single letter? After everything he went through, I should probably avoid reappearing in his life, as I will only serve as a reminder of times long gone, a past that cannot be revived. However, Jean did say that Levi was the one looking for you. There was no excuse to avoid him any longer. Honestly, the only hindrance in your decision was your own feelings, the ones you wanted to bury deep in your heart and pretend as if they never existed, but that's not how feelings work. You bit the joint of your finger and headed to your designated bedroom, absentmindedly searching for something; your old diary. Fumbling through the inside of your bag, you picked up the tattered notebook, flipping through the yellowish pages. You stop at a random page and begin to read absentmindedly.
Entry 23: A short guy with an equally short temperament was recruited recently. His name is Levi and he was apparently handpicked by Erwin, along with some friends of his. I observed them during training and they're actually pretty impressive at handling the ODM gear. Levi is also kind of a cleaning freak - not a single speck of dust remains after he's done! I don't think I can trust him yet, but he sure is an interesting fellow.
Entry 27: Levi's friends were eaten by Titans during an expedition. Some weird stuff went down between him and Erwin, but it's resolved now. He was holed up in his room the whole day so I brought him food. When he opened the door, his otherwise sharp and intimidating eyes were swollen and betrayed his exhaustion. After thanking me, he shut the door in my face and I left. Unfortunately, I didn't get to talk to him more, but I will.
Entry 31: Today I was successful in my “becoming friends with Levi” mission! Hange and I approached him during lunch, when he usually sits by himself, and I brought him an extra apple that I sneaked out from the kitchen. It's hard getting him to open up and he's a man of few words, but we talked a little. He's an Ackerman, which is fascinating - I've heard a lot about them. He also really likes tea, so I gotta keep that in mind.
Entry 35: Right now, we're outside of the Walls. Hange and I were included in the research team, since we were both feeling a little sick - we'll still fight if we need to. It's very cold and I'm shivering. H is asleep, wrapped in a cocoon of their blanket. L is sitting opposite to me, staring at the bonfire - I wonder what he's thinking… Last night, during dinner, he approached our table and sat down next to us. As always, he didn't say much, but he offered us that tea he always drinks. It tastes like dogshit and neither of us enjoyed it, but the gesture was highly appreciated. I think he's starting to warm up to us!
Entry 35: We retreated back to the Walls. Everyone turned out to be sick, so the mission was impossible to carry on with. I'm now in bed with a troublesome fever that started to bother me since yesterday. While I was writing in my journal to keep myself occupied, Levi came out of nowhere and planted himself next to me, throwing his blanket over the both of us. I was so shocked I couldn't say anything, and he immediately fell asleep. I couldn't help but smile and decided to also rest. Hange just burst in the room and showed me their ass: there's a huge, red rash, which is probably a reaction to some plant - an allergy. Now they asked me to help apply some ointment so I have to go.
You didn't realize when you started tearing up; it almost happened automatically. Back then, writing was a form of distraction, a coping mechanism in order to think of something else other than impending doom. These notes brought a smile on your face; the memory of Hange frantically pointing down at their bare bottom made you laugh so hard that more tears spilled.
After checking the very first entries, you chuckled to yourself; it was mostly shenanigans with Hange, after they joined, three years after you did. That's when you decided to pick up writing. Before their arrival, even if you felt like journaling, there was nothing notable to talk about, just death, exhaustion and your duties. When Hange entered your life as your roommate, you felt like something sparked inside of you. You clicked immediately with them and your bonding was instantaneous. Documenting wasn't part of your plans, but you wanted to keep the memories of precious moments with them – and later Levi – alive, and not just in your memory.
He sought you out, you reminded yourself and bit down on your lip, recalling all of Jean's words. Holding the diary in your hands, you swiftly shoved it inside your bag and with a thundering heartbeat, you walked back outside. The phone was sitting atop of a small, circular table in front of the window that faced the garden. You picked up the handset and dialed the number that your fellow comrade told you to write down. It was the first time you had ever used that device and felt nervous. What if I call the wrong number? What if I break it somehow? Ignoring the doubtful voices, you heard a buzzing sound and waited for something to happen. After counting ten of those bleeps, you decided to hang up, when a thud interrupted the ringing and a familiar grunt startled you. “I think I told you brats not to call me every ten minutes.” The knot in your stomach tightened unbearably. Was that really Levi? A sigh followed his words. “Who is it this time? Gabi? I can't hear shit, is this junk broken?”
You swallowed thickly and breathed in sharply. “It's not broken, Captain. I can hear you loud and clear.” Silence. Levi gripped his cane and his lips parted. He clenched his jaw and bit the inside of his cheek. It felt like his heart would explode from beating too fast.
“Bug?” he whispered in surprise. Your mind spinned at the mention of your nickname – the nickname he bestowed upon you. “Is that you? Shit, I think this metal garbage really isn't—”
“It is me,” you replied, your finger toying with the spiral cord connected to the handset. “I see your vocabulary is as profane as I remember it to be,” you teased.
“You still remember me?” Shit, he didn't mean to say that.
“Surprisingly enough, I do,” you responded in a sarcastic tone. If anything, you loved to match his attitude.
“Took you a while,” he rasped. “Is her Majesty grinding you to the bone?”
“My gear, no,” you exclaimed. “She's a sweetheart, that one. Historia won't trouble me more than necessary. In fact, she's been pleading with me to take time off, go on vacation or something.” He could practically see the grin forming on your face. “I don't even know what that is!” Levi wasn't particularly spiritual or religious, but in that moment, it felt like the stars had aligned for him. What a perfect opportunity. “So, how have you been?”
Levi cleared his throat, forcing himself to snap out of it. “The usual. Haven't you read my letters?”
A pang of guilt spread throughout your chest. You did read his letters, every single one, multiple times, as a matter of fact. Every time he corresponded with Historia, he would send a separate one just for you, but you couldn't find it in you to write back. “The last thing you updated us on is that you moved out of Liberio, but nothing after that. I think it's been a couple weeks since you last mailed us anything.” Levi chewed on his lip; that was true . He had been so busy with settling down and getting used to his new life that he forgot to put pen to paper.
He sighed and sat down on his chair, since his leg had started to hurt. “I've been busy,” he simply said.
“I figured,” you smiled. “Why did you move there?” He understood the question well. Of all places, why that one? It was indeed strange.
He recalled Gabi and her ghost stories, holding back a smile. “Wanted to test out some theories.” Before you were able to ask him about that, he called out your name again. “Listen, Bug,” he spoke in his monotone voice. “I have a spare bedroom and a bed here. If you're still looking for a place to decompress, you're always welcome. However, I have to let you know, I have a job and I clock out at three in the afternoon, so I'll be expecting you any time after that. Speak with Onyankopon for further details, alright?”
Was your hearing betraying you? Did he actually say that? “Wait, Levi!” Your voice almost broke. “Are you serious about this? I don't want to be a burd—”
“Would I lie to you?” You didn't know why, but the solemnity and gentleness in his voice accelerated your heart rate. No, Levi would never lie to you, even if it meant hurting you.
With weepy eyes, you cleared your throat and laughed. “Alright, I'll be coming at an unsuspecting time to catch you off guard, then. I don't want to see a single speck of dust in my room,” you teased. Levi grasped his cane tighter, resisting a laugh.
“You got it, Bug.”