Chapter Text
Things have been uncomfortable at the 118 since Bobby's death. They have grieved, they have tried to find their way forward. Chimney is Captain Han, Eddie has returned, and Ravi has officially joined A shift. On the surface things are back to normal.
But looks can be deceiving.
Things haven't gone back to normal for him and Eddie ever since that fight and Eddie's triumphant return to the 118. Buck let Eddie have his house back and currently he is crashing on Maddie and Chimney's couch while trying to find his own place. He and Eddie talk, Buck helps with Christopher, and he does his best to make sure he's being considerate of everyone else's feelings. But he is kind of sick of it.
He's out with Ravi when they see Lucy out with a few other members of the 217. Lucy had come over to say hi and to invite them to play pool.
"Oh uhhhh." Buck hesitates looking over at the group from Harbor trying to see if he can find Tommy in the group. It feels like a sign or maybe a gift from the universe. He's been meaning to call Tommy to apologize for everything that has happened, for ghosting him after the funeral.
"That might be awkward." Ravi says diplomatically which makes Buck feel bad. Ravi and Tommy had liked each other.
"Why would it be awkward?" Lucy asked, both men stared at her incredulously. How could it not be awkward? Even if Tommy wasn't Buck's ex, the one who got away, and likely the greatest love of his life; Tommy had been there when the lost Bobby, Tommy had been a pallbarer at Bobby's funeral before disappearing like a ghost.
"I dunno. I can think of a few reasons." Ravi had replied sarcastically and Buck can't help the way he has to hide his grin in his beer.
"Oh, you're talking about Kinard." Lucy says, shrugging casually, "That won't be a problem."
"He didn't come out with you?" Buck asks feeling disappointed but trying his best to hide it. He knows Tommy wasn't close with anyone from Harbor, not the way the 118 is a family. He also knows how introverted Tommy is, that social outings like this are exhausting for his ex.
"Nah, he usually didn't. But he transferred stations a couple weeks ago." Lucy says casually. As if it isn't a big deal.
"Tommy left Harbor?" Ravi sounds just as shocked as Buck feels. And he remembers Ravi and Tommy had met long before Buck and him had started dating. That they had met in passing a few times at the Academy when Ravi was teaching and Tommy was sent in to help evaluate perspective pilots.
Buck can't imagine Tommy willingly leaving the 217, not with how much Tommy loves flying.
"Where's he at now?" Buck asked trying to be casual about fishing for information. But Lucy just shrugged again.
"Texas I think? Last I heard he was thinking about taking a paramedic position there. But you know Kinard, man was not a sharer so for all I know he could be anywhere." Lucy is so casual about those words and Buck has to bite his tongue. He wants to defend Tommy's honor, point out that Tommy does share. But the truth is, he doesn't.
For as much as Tommy had shared of himself during their six months together there was so much more that Tommy kept secret. It hurts that after everything Tommy didn't bother to tell him that he was leaving behind LA and any chance of them finding their way back to each other.
He chides himself for his selfishness, for making it all about himself again while Ravi continues making small talk with Lucy. They don't stay long after that, Buck intended to take an Uber back to Maddie and Chimney's but Ravi insists that Buck goes home with him.
"Come on man, I have a spare bedroom, one that I told you that you are welcome to until you find a new place, and that way you can sleep tonight off without a toddler and baby waking you up before dawn." Buck accepts Ravi's offer, not because he is opposed to being woken up by Jee or Bobby, but because he would feel lower than dirt if he accidentally woke the kids up.
Once he is settled into Ravi's guest room Buck does something that everyone else would call him stupid for. He pulls up Tommy's Instagram. He pulls it up in hopes that maybe there will be a clue to Tommy's whereabouts. Only there isn't.
Tommy's Instagram is as it's always been. It's ninety percent cars that Tommy has restored and sold. There's a few non-car pictures, but they are old and few and far between. The last picture that Tommy had posted was from when they were still dating and it was a picture of an old 1970s Jetta Tommy had restored from the bolts up.
**
He doesn't know why it surprises him when he shows up at Tommy's place and finds a new family actually living there. In all honesty he'd been hoping that Lucy had been kidding around about Tommy leaving LA. So now he's sitting across the street watching the new family playing catch in the yard and tries to figure out what exactly to text Tommy.
Showed up at your place to talk. You actually moved?
He's not expecting a reply but it still stings when the text bubbles show up and immediately disappear. He'd rather be sitting on Tommy's couch right now talking about them but its obvious that the other man wants to have nothing to do with him. Or Tommy's trying to give him a taste of his own medicine by not telling him where he moved to.
He discards that last thought right away because Tommy is a lot of things….bitchy, snarky, petty but he isn't cruel. He'd definitely never intentionally hurt anyone he cares about but it feels like a knife is now piercing his heart because Tommy's disappeared without a trace and he can't do anything to fix it. As he drives back across town he mourns the future they could've had together.
Over the next few months things get better between him and Hen, eventually he finds his old dynamic with her and Chimney, and he does take Ravi up on his offer of his second bedroom because as much as he loves his family, he really misses having a bedroom with a door and four walls. He also really misses not being woken up by Jee crawling on him to request Vampirina or Doc McStuffins. But things stay awkward and cold with Eddie. He just doesn't know how to move past Eddie's accusation that Buck hadn't done everything possible to save Bobby.
The last time they talk about it all Buck had done was ask Eddie not to say anything like that to Athena.
He tries going out on a few dates, but no one he goes out with make him feel the way Tommy did, and he is still secretly obsessively stalking Tommy's Instagram that still hasn't been updated until one night he sees that Tommy has been tagged in a photo.
It's a selfie of Tommy cheek to cheek with an impossibly good looking man with a barely visible Fort Worth sign in the background. Buck clicks on the other man's profile before quickly backing out cause apparently Tommy's new boyfriend is a real life bull riding cowboy.
He's still sitting in the same spot when Ravi gets home from the bar he'd agreed to meet an old high school friend at after work. He's been staring at the dark flat screen in front of him and he barely acknowledges Ravi's hello or the conversation that's happening behind him even when he hears Maddie's voice in his ear.
"Oh, little brother what happened," Maddie asks in that same soothing voice she's used their entire lives when he's so upset he makes himself sick. She squeezes his arm watching him with careful eyes after another moment of his soft sniffles and the hum of the refrigerator.
"T-Tommy moved on," he mumbles feeling a few more tears slipping down his cheeks. "He moved on Mads and I don't know what to do now."
He's feeling a whole host of emotions after saying it out loud; angry, sad, frustrated with the past versions of himself and Tommy. Most and terrifyingly enough its the calm he feels finally seeing some semblance of evidence that Tommy is safe, healthy and happy with where his life is now.
“He moved on,” Maddie repeats before stopping seemingly searching for the right words before continuing, “oh Buck, I’m sorry.”
“I know I should’ve fought for him,” he mumbles. “Do you think it would’ve changed anything if I had?”
“Maybe. I don’t know but Buck you know that Tommy leaving town isn’t your fault though, right?”
He’s glaring at his brother in law before he’s even done talking. “You’re wrong. I implied I didn’t have feelings for him after we hooked up a few weeks before Bobby died. I said I didn’t love him and then I called him to ask for a favor to save your life so Maddie and your kids wouldn’t lose you so it is kind of my fault.”
“You hooked up with Tommy after you broke up? Did either of you know about this,” Chim exclaims incredulously looking between his wife and Ravi who’d been quietly observing everything from the kitchen. At their murmured yeses he turns his attention to Buck who looks like he’s getting ready to argue again.
"Don’t even with me Howard. I know it was stupid to hookup with him but i wanted to remember what it was like to be the soul object of Tommy’s attention again.”
“Well Evan if you’d have let me talk i was gonna say that you hooking up with Tommy again is stupid. Do you not get that he was crazy about you from the moment we walked into Harbor to go save Cap and Athena?
I’ve known him for over 20 years and I’d never seen him act like a lovesick teenage girl before you stumbling over your own name. I want both of you to be happy but you need to figure your shit out and maybe once you do you can win him back.”
“Okay,” Buck agrees easily trying to avoid another long winded guilt inducing speech about sticking together and how the 118 was a family.
“I’ll see you at work tomorrow then,” Chim says smiling before pointing out that the Lees can only keep the kids for so long and that it’s time to go get them.
**
After he sees his sister and Chim out he goes straight to his bedroom with the sole intention of finally putting together his transfer papers. He’d been thinking about it for awhile and he’d looked at firehouses as far away from LA as Boston before an article about Nashville being a great place to start over and it had everything he was looking for in a new city; great food, music, it was a couple thousand miles from the memories of Tommy.
Putting the last touches on his resignation letter he pulls up the first email from Captain Jim Mclarnon and reads it over again.
Evan,
I’ve read over your resume and I do believe that you’d be the perfect candidate to fit our team at the 335. If you’re still interested in the position let me know a time to do phone interview.
Captain Jim Mclarnon, NFD Station 335
He’d gone to the little secluded beach he and Tommy had found a few weeks into dating to do his interview with Captain Mclarnon and Nashville Fire Chief Jeffery Winters and he’d felt confident enough about how it’d gone that he’d started looking for rentals as soon as he’d gotten off the phone but none of them were quite what he was looking for and the search has continued for the last two weeks.
He scrolls through a couple more real estate sites and bookmarks a couple listings that look promising before he decides to call it a night. Then he tosses and turns awhile still haunted by the image of Tommy with his new cowboy. He can't figure out how he managed to screw up so badly that he’d managed to push the love of his life into the arms of another man. An incredibly pretty bull riding man that looked way too good pressed up against his man.
It’s not like Tommy even needed to go to Texas to find a cowboy. If Tommy wanted a cowboy so bad, Buck would've been more than happy to pull out his old hat and show him all the moves he’d learned out in Montana on the ranch duing his wilder days
He must go to sleep at some point because the next thing he knows his alarms going off and he can hear Ravi shuffling around the next room over. He fumbles his way through getting ready for work before he opens his laptop up and hits submit on his papers for the Nashville transfer and then grabs his resignation letter to hand in when he gets to the station. He’s just hoping that Chief Simpson is there when he clocks in because he’s a little nervous to see his crews reactions if he’s not.
**
The commute to the station is quicker than he wants it to be LA traffic being pleasantly cooperative so he’s pulling into his spot in the 118’s back lot less than 45 minutes later. He barely acknowledges anyone when he finally works up the gumption to head inside but before he can disappear into the lockerroom he catches sight of Chim standing in his office doorway.
“Hey, Buck can you come in here real quick,” Chim asks gesturing towards him. He doesn’t look pissed but he also doesn’t look overly happy either and it’s kind of a relief when Buck sees Chief Simpson coming towards them too.
“Chief, what can I do for you today,” Chim asks curiously as he makes himself comfortable at his desk.
“I’m here in regards to Buckley here,” Simpson answers looking at Buck before he glances at Chim. “You got the job I take it?”
“Yeah! The fire chief and captain both seemed eager to have me,” Buck answers excitedly handing over a copy of his resignation letter to Chief Simpson before sliding the other copy to Chimney. “I should start soon.”
“Job,” Chimney chokes on the word. “You’re transferring Buck? Does Maddie know about this yet?”
“Yeah I got offered a position at another station in another state,” Buck says daring his brother in law to argue with him about it. “No I haven't told Maddie yet because I wanted to make sure I got the job before I said anything to anyone. This is the fresh start I need to get on with my life.”
“So we’re you gonna tell anyone or were you gonna just up and leave without a word,” Chim demands.
“I was gonna tell you, Maddie, Hen and Ravi,” Buck says shrugging at Chim. “You’re the only ones who need to know.”
“So you weren’t gonna tell Eddie? You know your best friend?”
He scoffs making both Chief Simpson and Chim look at him weird. “No because once again I’d have to listen to Diaz tell me how I’m making everything about me again or how I didn't do enough to save Bobby.” And with that he walks out and gets ready.