Chapter Text
Secunits aren't sentimental about each other. We aren't friends, the ways the characters on the serials are. We can't trust each other, even if we work together. Somebody needed to tell Dz-9834 that. The problem was that Dz-9834 was new. And new Secunits are idiots. The average lifespan of a Secunit is approximately 4 years. This seems low until you realise that 30% of Secunits die in their first year out. Secunits are better at security than bots because of the ability to adapt based on past experience. It just turns out the experience has to come first. Recognising bored humans as dangerous humans or which communications would have you zapped by the governor module - that takes time. And that was for the average Secunit. There was no doubt in my mind Dz-9834 would be part of the 30% - it was dumb as shit.
Ideally though, not on my survey. My survival rate stats were bad enough. So the best thing to do when Dz-9834 sent another non-standard communication was to ignore it. Unfortunately for me, the other Secunit on this survey was an even bigger asshole, so I was still the best choice. Last time Al-241 received a picture of flora from Dz-9834 it reported it to hubsystem and Dz-9834 got another level two jolt from the governor module for distracting other Secunits from security. The first was sending a picture of flora without even pretending to have a security concern attached. So now I was the only option for sending its annoying little scrapbook of flora and fauna. Mostly because it knew it just had to annoy me enough.
I gave in at the fifth ping.
Security query?
I didn’t have much hope, but Dz-9834 learning to at least try and pretend its non-standard communications were security related, would at least save me from having to watch it get zapped multiple times a day. I felt its hesitation in the feed as it attempted to reframe whatever it was going to say into a security question. Looks like it had learnt from the flora debacle.
Security query: warranty breach?
Dz-9834 threw a memory file at me as if braced for another shock. Oh. Oh .
Remember what I said about bored humans being dangerous humans. Sometimes they like to take out that boredom on the nearest Secunit. I watched as Priority client 2, Feedname: Verek asked Dz-9834 to do implausible tasks then laughed as Dz-9834 became increasingly panicked, flinching from multiple governor module zaps. The order was always rescinded before too much damage could be done but now I was looking for it I could see Dz-9834 was still trembling before me. Unfortunately from prior experience I knew the answer to its question.
No warranty breach. No permanent damage.
I left off the ‘this time’. I’ve seen these situations escalate before. A command to fly or take off an evac suit in a vacuum. An expensive form of entertainment and I’m sure the involved humans got a pretty big fine for damaging equipment.
I was due a recharge cycle and Al-241 was patrolling the east side of the compound. Dz-9834 was the best candidate for the next survey trip due to leave in one hour. Asshole priority client 2 was leading the survey trip.
Performance reliability?
Dz-9834 jumped a little. Performance reliability: 97%
Okay yeah, sure. Diagnostic information?
Dz-9834 opened its firewalls and allowed me in to review its diagnostics. Which it really shouldn’t have done. I repeat - dumb as shit. I poured through the data and highlighted the elevated cortisol and adrenaline levels. My own calculations were returning an adjusted performance reliability of 78%. I sent through the relevant data, calculations and adjusted number.
You need the cubicle.
I don’t need the cubicle. I can hormone purge , Dz-9834 protested. Its attempts to regain standard Secunit posture were just causing it to shake more.
You need the cubicle. I will go on the survey. Take over security task: Review Client 5, Augmented Human Feedname: Raime’s feed for proprietary data.
That should keep Dz-9834 busy. I knew for a fact Raime was planning to start the second half of season 19 of Sanctuary Moon on his feed today.
Dz-9834 hesitated. I could see through its still open systems it was still prodding the security system focused on asshole priority client 2 prepping to go out on survey. The rest of its attention was on me. I fought the urge to tell it not to stare at me. After 0.3s it replied, Affirmative. Task assigned. and moved to the cubicle.
Alright so now I was going on the survey with the asshole priority client 2. Fortunately I did not have a governor module. Although I would still have to attempt to comply if he gave me a stupid order. So I’d just make it really inconvenient for him to do so. It’s amazing how unwilling even the bored clients are to interrupt a Secunit doing an essential task to the survey. Particularly if they’re really far away. I grabbed my projectile weapon and resolved to stay on the perimeter as much as possible.
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The crater exploded during episode 895 of The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon. The solicitor was talking to the famous guest star who probably definitely stole Lea Kur’s clone babies and it was just getting to the good part. I preferred contracts where I was the only Secunit for a reason. Having other Secunits on contract increased the risk of somebody noticing abnormal feed activity and reporting to hubsystem. I had to watch what I said, how I said it and most annoyingly; unless monitoring Raime’s feed activity for proprietary data, I could only watch my shows while out on survey. Which is why it was damn inconvenient for alien fauna to choose now to attack my asshole clients.
I sent the video footage to the hopper containing asshole priority client 2 and jumped into the crater where Dr. Tamo was screaming. He currently had one leg less than he had started this survey with. The hostile came around for a second bite and I was ready, using my projectile weapon to shoot through the mouth where Dr. Tamo’s leg had disappeared and out through where I hoped the hostile’s brain might be. With my other hand I clamped down on the spurting artery in the thigh. The hostile screeched then dived back under the ground, its tail whipping me as it went. Hostiles without brains don’t typically know to go into hiding for a third attack so I’m pretty sure I’d just made it mad. Didn’t matter, this was a clear extract and retreat situation.
I put my projectile weapon back on my back and grabbed the rest of Dr. Tamo with my other arm, still holding firm on the artery. Hitting top speeds I was able to get back to the Hopper prior to the Hostile showing its face again. There was a lot of yelling. Hopefully some of it was for medpacs or a tourniquet (maybe a couple) becausing judging asshole priority client 2’s face I was not going to be allowed to get Dr. Tamo into the crew area.
He came up to me and practically spat, “What are you doing??? Go back and get the equipment!”
What was I doing?? I looked at him with a 0.2s pause then looked down at Dr. Tamo’s leg, or more accurately: where the leg used to be. The blood was still oozing from the stump despite my best efforts.
“Dr. Tamo needs urgent medical attention.”
Asshole priority client 2 ineffectually pushed at my chest. “Forget him. Get the equipment. Now.”
When I released my hand, that artery was going to start spraying blood again. I hoped he got covered in it. I gave him another 0.2s to rescind the order then pushed Tamo towards the hopper main doors and ran back towards the transponders The cries of disgust weren't satisfying. I backburnered the feed as the hostile burst from the ground in front of me. I had to focus and the background noise wasn’t helping. At least I think Dr. Tamo had lost consciousness. Or died. It was hard to tell without reviewing the surveillance footage. All I knew was that the screaming had stopped.
Positive: Without any clients down here to save I was faster than the hostile. Negative: the longer I was down here the more likely it was to get a lucky bite, I was already leaking and the stupid humans’ gear was all spread out. As I reached for the second transponder, the hostile swooped down, taking half the array and a chunk of my left arm with it. I fired back at it with my projectile weapon before changing directions to the next transponder. At least that was one less thing to carry.
Hopper to launch , came over the feed. While I was playing a fucked up game of grab the transponders before angry hostile eats me, it seems a hostile (now designated Hostile 2) had decided to try and eat the ship. And they were going to leave. Without me. I did a quick calculation and the last transponder suddenly became unsalvageable due a spontaneous unidentifiable energy blast. Fortunately there was one last bit of salvageable expensive equipment which was still mobile and had energy weapons in its arms. I turned and sprinted to the ship, using hostile 2 as a springboard to grab onto the cargo bay.
I knew when asshole priority client 2 found out about the two lost transponders because I got a signal from hubsystem to administer a level 7 governor module punishment. This would usually be enough to put a Secunit out of commission but fortunately I was hacked. Unfortunately the 40% loss of biomass still meant I needed significant repairs. Which is why I was not available for the Deltfall mission.