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"What?" I stare at the digital clock over at my desk. It reads 2:29AM. "You call me at 2:27AM to ask me what my favorite song is?"
"Yeah, Baby-chan. What's your favorite song?" Mia says with this infectiously giddy grin on her face through the video call, despite the late hour. It's rare for her to call me, even rarer at a time like this.
"What are you doing still awake? We have school tomorrow."
A yawn ends my words like a signature. Signed by me, the president of the Nijigasaki High School Idol club.
"Answer my question, dammit!"
"Like, my favorite song of all time or..."
"Anything! What genres do you listen to? What artists aside from school idols."
"Uh..."
I listen to a bunch of music, to the point that I can't pin down a specific genre. I make many different kinds of songs for the girls. Rock, classical, lullabies. I'm proud of every song I've made.
"Michael Jackson." I answer.
A frown dawns on Mia's face. "Well, duh! Everyone likes Michael Jackson!"
"Some people don't."
"That's their problem!"
"I answered your question. My favorite song is Michael Jackson." I yawn again.
"That was your favorite artist... Are you always this infuriating?" Mia chides.
"When I'm suddenly awoken in the middle of the night, yes."
"That's fair..."
I can see Mia pouting on video. I yawn again.
"Shit. Well, it's obvious I'm not getting any answers from you right now so we'll talk tomorrow. Why are you so sleepy, anyway?" Mia furrows her eyebrows.
"I haven't slept since Monday-"
"Monday was three days ago!"
Mia suddenly hangs up the call. I murmur to myself as I drop my phone on my nose with a thud that rattles my brain. I close my eyes, and fall asleep again.
At school, Mia drags me into her recording booth, locking the door behind her and throwing me onto a chair. She grabs both armrests and presses her forehead against mine.
"Favorite song. Now." She stares into my soul with an unbridled curiosity. "I've been dying to know. Tell me!"
"I don't have one!" I yell.
Mia leans back in confusion, giving me space to breath.
"I thought it through, and I really don't have a favorite song... I think all songs are great! Each song brings something to the table, whether it be an angelic voice or a killer instrumental, each having you begging for more. All the songs I've listened to offered me something I haven't found in any other song, which is why I love music so much. Truth be told, I wouldn't have learned that if I wasn't here in the School Idol Club. Making music for the girls made me realize what's special about music as a whole..."
I take a deep breath, looking up at Mia. She slowly nods her head in understanding, before scoffing.
"Wow. Such a you answer, Baby-chan." Mia laughs. "I don't get it at all..."
She slumps over onto a second chair nearby, tipping the backrest to the lowest it can go.
"There's good music and bad music. Good music brings something to the table, bad music doesn't. How can you think bad music also brings something to the table?" She asks.
There's this look of utter disappointment on Mia's face, as if I just said something inappropriate.
"To me, music is an author's self-expression. No matter if their music is good or bad, if their heart is put out on it, then it automatically has value because it holds the author's message." I explain further, unveiling my heart to Mia.
"What about songs with bad messages?"
"I might find it bad, but the value is still there. The value is within the people who agree with it. I'm not saying bad things are good, it's just that the music is... being used as the author's medium. If people agree with it, then it has value."
"What if there was a song that nobody believed in?"
I think carefully before answering. "...Then it isn't music."
Mia brings her hands to her forehead and gently massages her skin.
"Do you want me to massage you?" I offer.
"No! Dammit, just thinking about you hurts my head." She groans.
"How come?"
"Just shut up and get out!"
Mia pulls me out of the chair and pushes me out of the recording booth. I wait at the closed door, which slowly opens from inside. She looks up at me from the small crack made by the open window and speaks.
"You're still here?"
"I'm worried."
"Of course you are... You're always worried. Worried for all of us." Mia opens the door fully. "Come in."
I walk in and sit down again, looking over at a distressed Mia.
"I should probably rephrase my question..." Mia murmurs for a bit before continuing. "What's your... favorite song that you have made?"
"That I've made?"
"You sound like a parrot. Yes! How forgetful are you?"
"I nearly forgot to wake up this morning."
"That's what staying up since Monday gets you. Now answer."
My favorite song that I've made? It's not much. Technically, the girls make their songs, I just make the instrumentals. Every riff, drum, and key is me. Well, until Mia came along but she still lets me do my thing...
Looking back on the songs I've made, it's tough. I love all of them.
"There's not a single song I regret making for this club." I say proudly.
"...You don't have a favorite song at all, do you?"
Mia sighs in disbelief, shaking her head. She grins.
"Of course you don't. The Baby- chan I know wouldn't ever pick favorites. You don't have a favorite song, as much as you don't have a favorite school idol. You are an enigma I would love to crack." Mia laughs.
"It's not that hard to get to know me, Mia. I mean, I'm friends with all of you, no? There's not much I can say that all of you don't already know."
"How much do you weigh?"
"Uh... I don't check. Ask Ayumu, she would know."
"Why would she know?"
"She just knows these random facts about me and I just tend to believe them since all of them have been true so far."
I shrug.
"...When's your birthday?"
"Uh... I don't check. Ask Ayumu, she would know."
"You're hopeless."
I busily scroll on my phone, listening to some of my demo music through my earphones. The song currently playing is a demo instrumental version of " Meccha Going!!" I'm currently in the recording booth.
Mia tinkers with the big mixing console, trying to find the right pitch for a song she's working on. She turns to me.
"Yo, Baby-chan. What are you listening to?"
I turn off the music, turning to Mia before speaking. "Some of my old music. Demo versions."
Mia's eyes brighten in excitement, walking over to me hand extending her hand out. "Let me listen."
"It's just some old versions of the girls' songs. Why are you interested?"
"I want to hear your thinking process when it comes to making music. I need to hear it."
Begrudgingly, I extend my right earphone to Mia. I start the demo version of " Meccha Going!!" back to the beginning.
"Isn't this Ai's song?"
"You can tell?"
"It feels- no, it screams 'Ai Miyashita' to me."
"Yep, and Ai love it!" I laugh.
"You sound just like her." Mia scoffs.
She takes a look at the list of songs and points to one.
"Is that a demo version of 'TOKIMEKI Runners' I see? I want to hear that one." She gleams.
"...Are you sure?"
"Is there any harm to doing so?"
"Not really..."
Mia excitedly presses a file called " TOKIMEKI_Runners_you " and the finished instrumental of the song starts playing.
"Is this just the song?" Mia asks.
"No, no... just keep listening..."
As the song continues, reaching the part where the girls start singing. Mia's eyes widen as she listens to a strange voice singing instead of the usual.
"Is that..."
"My voice? Yep..."
The song continues, and I'm filled with wonderful emotions. I love this song to death. It was the first song that I wrote. The girls helped me, of course, but it was really my song. It sounds bad when I put it that way... It's better to say that it has a special place in my heart. It affirms my love for school idols, for all the girls in the club, and for music.
Mia listens intently, and I can see the focused expression on her face. She gets like this a lot, when she finds something that genuinely interests her. That isn't burgers and baseball. Her expression fills me with this sense of satisfaction, that my music is able to make someone like her so focused.
The singer continues to sing the song with all their heart, singing my song. It reaches to the point that Mia seems impressed with my singing.
"Your voice is really pretty..." She murmurs.
"Thanks."
"Yeah..."
Mia's expression falters around a certain point of the song. The singer stops singing, and sudden sobs can be heard from the microphone. The singer seems to be crying her heart out, even while the instrumental continues singing its own tune in the background.
I love this song to death, and it's the first song that's made me cry this way.
"Why are you crying?" Mia asks.
It takes me a moment to think. Why did I cry? It's a wonderful song. I recorded this after the club first sang it, and that went very well. Why did I cry?
"...I felt proud. I made this song. I saw the girls perform it live. This sense of pride swelled inside me as I sang with my heart, and it all just got to me... When they first performed it, I was happy. I stayed strong for them because I love them. I felt so happy, but I didn't mention much of it... I felt a lot of emotions, getting to that point. I recorded this shortly after they performed it and... It got to me. All the feelings I had that I didn't realize crashed into me all at once. Joy, sadness, pride, love. It all burst the bubble that surrounded me, and I broke..."
I take a deep breath, a slight chill striking through my spine. My eyes look off at nothing.
Why did I say all of that? Was any of that I said true? I know it is, so why am I asking? This wasn't a time to doubt myself. I'm just in the recording booth, talking to Mia about this song...
A laugh interrupts my thoughts. Mia's.
"Hahaha!" Mia laughs with her head flying back. "That's so... you , Baby- chan ! Hahahaha !"
Her laugh quickly got to me, and I start laughing as well.
"I guess it is! The passion got to me is all. I'm... really happy, actually."
Mia stops her laughing, looking at me with a raised eyebrow.
"I mean, crying isn't always a good thing, but this enforced my love for school idols. For the girls. And even if you weren't there, it enforced my love for you, too. My love is genuine, that's undeniable. I'm just... This specific recording proves my love."
Mia places a hand on her cheek with a sly grin. "Gee, well of course it does. But, you know, we don't need proof that you love us, Baby-chan. We know you do. I love you."
I look at Mia, the smile on my face glowing extra brighter at hearing her words.
"Thanks, but that isn't enough!" I stand up, puffing my chest and pounding on it two times. "I have to hear that from everyone!"
Mia scoffs. "Why are you choosy all of a sudden?"
"I like the feeling of hearing it! It makes my heart thump!"
I run out of the recording booth, set on hearing everyone hear that they love me. I hear Mia laugh as I turn to leave. I might not always need to hear them say it, but once in a while, it wouldn't hurt. I love everyone, and I know that they love me. I just want to hear it from them!