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“A whole pride of them? Isn’t that overdoing it a bit? I mean, from what I’ve seen, just one lion can literally tear a human apart,” Crowley gestured vividly, robe flapping, “arm from—”
“Yes, indeed.” Aziraphale closed his eyes, trying to quell his queasiness. “However, Gabriel was quite insistent. Wanted to make certain no one wicked would survive. Apparently Sandalphon has been training them personally.”
“To eat humans? Training them with what? ”
“Best not to speculate. But now Daniel is being sent down there. Tonight!”
“What for, exactly?”
“Praying to God, instead of the King.”
“Your lot makes no sense sometimes.”
“Well, the King was led astray by some wicked advisors—”
“Who are not getting fed to the lions?”
“No! Or at least not yet. But it seems wrong for Daniel to suffer, let alone be torn apart by lions—”
“Angelically tormented, very hungry lions.”
“You’re not helping,” Aziraphale pouted.
“What’s the big deal? You slip down there, throw a miracle at them, you’re all set.”
“I can’t! Michael is still reviewing the case.”
Crowley stared at him incredulously. “He’s pious enough to be thrown to lions for his faith and Michael’s not sure he should be saved?”
“There are protocols for these sorts of things. And a martyr can be very valuable, politically. I can’t save him while it’s under review!” Aziraphale twisted his ring.
“Right. Ok. So you want me to go deal with the lions?”
“Oh, would you? It would be such a relief!”
“Eh, sure. Keeping a potential martyr alive, throw a few more temptations at him — paperwork writes itself. But you’re coming.”
“Why me?”
“Cause if he’s not terrified by the lions, he’s going to be by the big bad demon controlling them! You need to keep him calm!”
“Yes, quite terrifying,” Aziraphale agreed. “Alright, if you insist.”
“I do! Meet me at the den. Dinner time.”
“There you are! I was worried you’d changed your mind.” Aziraphale was pacing in front of the door as the sun began to fade.
“Really, Angel? Wouldn't leave you on your own. Now, stay here til I get them settled." Crowley waved the door open, the largest of the beasts lunging towards them.
“Gnk! Bigger than I thought. And the teeth.” He shuddered, then slithered around the corner and, with a gesture, a large platter appeared.
“What’s that?” Aziraphale followed him, inhaling deeply. “Ox ribs? I daresay, they smell delicious.” He reached out, Crowley swatting him away.
“It’s not for you! It’s for the lions. Besides, I loaded it with some sleeping spells, should knock them right out.”
Setting the tray down, Crowley joined Aziraphle on a rocky outcrop to watch them devour it. One of the lions wandered over and rested his head sleepily on Aziraphale’s lap.
“Oh my, they are just big cats, aren’t they? Kind of sweet…” Aziraphale petted it, eliciting a very deep purr. “Might be nice to get a cat someday. If I ever settle down somewhere...”
“Mnh, prefer plants myself.”
Suddenly, there were sounds of humans approaching.
“They’re here! I’ll be in the back, minding the lions. You deal with the human.”
Crowley disappeared into the dark as a frail old man stumbled in and the door slammed shut.
“Be not afraid!” Aziraphale declared benevolently.
“Why would I be afraid? My faith is in the Lord.”
“Ah, very well. As it should be. Though most humans, you know, bit nervous meeting an angel. Who, as you see, calmed the lions for you.” Aziraphale ignored the loud cough from the back.
Daniel sighed and sat on the rock. “Gonna be a long night.” He pulled dice out of his pocket. “Do you play?”
Hours later, the door opened, sunlight flooding in along with the King’s cheers as Daniel emerged unharmed.
After the crowd left, Aziraphale and Crowley strolled out, dusting off their robes. Aziraphale frowned. “I can’t believe he took me for seven gold pieces!”
“I’ve warned you, Aziraphale,” Crowley grinned, “never play games of chance with a prophet.”