Archive of Our Own ^beta

The only thing Thomas remembered before blacking out was the sound of Andreas's worried voice, saying something that he could barely understand while desperately attempting to keep him awake. Along with the sound of Fisher calling an ambulance also not so far from him, but he didn't bother paying any attention to whatever he was saying to the person on the other side of the call. He already felt too weak to even speak or think properly. He felt so helpless and numb.. God, why did he even do that? Couldn't he have at least chosen an quicker way to die? Well, guess there's no use in regretting now, as it didn't take long until Thomas let himself slip into unconciousness.

After that, Thomas thought he would finally rest. That he would finally be at peace. After all, he took as many pills as he could before passing out on his couch. There's no way he could survive that, right...?

Thomas could see nothing but black, and couldn't feel his limbs properly, as he was still unconcious and just too numb to even think of doing anything at all. In that moment, Thomas had just decided to let go and finally let his life slip away peacefully. He even wondered if he would be able to meet Soren in the afterlife... But after all, would he even forgive him..?

Just as Thomas was about give up, suddently, he started hearing something which he still couldn't identify properly due to him starting come to his senses and regain his conciousness only now. But slowly he realized that it seemed to be small beeps from an machine appearently just beside him, maybe it was an heart monitor of some sorts? He wasn't fully awake after all.

It also didn't take long until he realized he was laying in an much softer and more comfortable surface than the couch he had passed out on a while ago.. though he couldn't tell how much time has it been since he passed out. Though he also realized he had an thin blanket over his body. It was comfy, at least.

Slowly, he started gaining the courage to finally open his eyes and try to get up, which he did, not so long after that thought. His eyes slowly would flutter open as his vision seemed to gradually unblurry to see an gray ceiling. He almost felt like an newborn opening its eyes for the first time.

'Where.. am i..?' - Thomas thought, but just as he was about to look around, he was suddently surprised by an rather familiar voice calling out his name. "Thomas?!" Andreas asked. his tone being too loud to be considered casual, but also too low to be considered yelling. He seemed perplexed and worried, but also relieved that Thomas was at least awake.

Meanwhile, Thomas just laid there, seeming confused as his friend rushed over to his side. His memories were pretty fuzzy, and he could barely recall anything that had happened before he had woken up if not by a few brief things that he remembered, but that he still couldn't put the pieces together just yet. Almost like an short amnesia of some sorts. Thomas would let out an low groan as he adjusted himself to feel more comfortable on the hospital bed. He'd take a moment to look at his surroundings, gradually realizing that he was in fact in an hospital room. It seemed pretty clean, at least. But for some reason also gave him an strange air of dread.

"Thomas?" The man was snapped out of his thoughts by his friend, Andreas, once again, who had gently placed an hand on his chest. He looked genuinely concerned, if not a little scared as well. After all, one of his closest friends had almost died, and this wasn't something he could just casually shrug off and ignore as if nothing had happened. "Are you okay? Do you feel any pain? Do you remember what happened?.. Do you remember me..?" His voice seemed to tremble as he said that last sentence, asking too many questions at once and not even giving any space for the poor man to even answer any of these properly.

Suddently, another familiar voice came up. "Hey, Andreas, give the guy some space. He just woke up." Zekery spoke, approaching Andreas while having his hands on his pockets. He seemed calmer than the other man, but there was also an flicker of worry in his own eyes as well. Just then Andreas sighed and let go of Thomas, finally giving him some space. The two were probably about to leave the room along with Fisher just before Thomas woke up.

There was an short silence for a few seconds before Fisher finally spoke up as well, taking an single step closer to them as he was standing just in the doorway of the room. "Is Thomas okay?" He asked, his tone seeming more casual as he peeked over to take a look at Thomas. After the question, Zekery took a moment to look at Thomas, who still seemed disoriented, but despite that, looked fine. "I think so. He's still getting used to his surroundings, though. Better give him some space."

And yet, this whole time, Thomas only observed them in silence while trying to get his full conciousness back. Whoever, in the small talk they where having, the man had enough time to finally get a bit of his energy and senses back to himself, though he couldn't help but notice the slight headache and stomachache he was currently feeling. Nonetheless, he was happy that his friends still cared about him, but he also felt.. confused. Why do they still care about him? After all that he's done? It makes no sense.. He thought that they hated him.. Why are they so worried? Why did they even bother taking him to the hospital in the first place? Is he being an burden to them? And what about the others? What will they think when they see him like that? Will they get angry at him for being an waste of time? He should have tried an more effective method.. why was he so stupid? why..?

"I'm-..." The sudden sound of Thomas's voice was enough to draw the attention of everyone else in the room to him. That made him feel nervous, but he still forced himself to speak. "I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.." he weakly apologized, making Andreas soften up a bit, while Zekery and Fisher remained staring at him with an unreadable expression.

Slowly, Andreas approached him once again, tilting his head sideways in the very slightest. "Thomas.. Why are you apologizing..? It's okay, you-" "No." Thomas interrupted him, gripping at the blanket that was placed over himself as he sat up on the bed, his body still pretty weak. "No, no.. It's not okay!" He shakily replied, his eyes starting to get glassy with tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. "Don't you know what i've done?! Don't you know how much of an awful person i am?! Why do you even bother caring for something like me? Am i not an burden to you? Or are you just pretending to care about me out of pity?" The man cried out. He didn't seem necessarily angry, but at the same time, he didn't understand.. why did they still care for him? Why did they still love him regardless of his mistakes? it makes no sense... How could someone, anyone, love an 'person' like him??

Andreas felt surprised once he heard his friend's words. His shoulders relaxed a little as he took a moment to process what Thomas had just said, and also the fact that he seemed to be at the very verge of tears. He had no idea of what to say in that moment to comfort him properly. It took Andreas an small amount of time to find the right thing to say, and Zekery and Fisher also seemed to fall completely silent in that moment if they already haven't before. That only served to make Thomas feel even worse. Oh no, did he say something bad? No-no, of course he did, what even possesed him into saying all that? why did he have to be so dumb?!

"Oh god.. I'm sorry, I'm actually very sorry, Andreas... I didn't mean to say-.." Thomas was cut off by Andreas, who gave him an tight hug, as well as saying "It's not your fault.. It's okay, you're okay.. I forgive you, Thomas." In that moment, Thomas's heart seemed to nearly stop. He sat completely frozen, stunned by the sudden hug and his friend's comforting, if not brief words. "You don't have to worry about anything now. We're all here for you. Just-.. please, promise me you won't do anything like that ever again. We all worry about you, Thomas. I worry about you. So, please, if you're ever feeling down again, reach out for someone.. no matter who it is. Please... i don't want to lose you again." The hug seemed to tighten slightly as Andreas spoke, as well as his voice failing as if he himself was also trying to contain his own tears. Thomas remained stunned and shocked, but as soon as the words sept in, he finally allowed his own tears to fall. And with a sob, he quickly hugged Andreas back, clinging to him like some sort of lifeline.

As for Zekery and Fisher, upon seeing the situation, gently approached Andreas and Thomas as well, also offering as much comfort and support as they could.

A few minutes passed, the three of them kept comforting and reassuring Thomas in rather sucessful attempt to ease the situation and also put Thomas a bit of ease as well. It didn't take long until an nurse came into the room and told them that their visit was over. They said their goodbyes, but promised to come back to visit Thomas in the next morning, or at least when they could. And while that, the nurse also informed that it would take a few weeks until Thomas could get out of the hospital, and that the aftermath of the overdose could cause some damages to his psychological and physical state that could leave him disabled, but since Thomas seemed to be doing okay so far, there would be an low chance that there could be any permanent damage to his state, and that just a few months of therapy would do him good. For now, all that they could do was wait for their friend to heal and show him as much support while still at his stay in the hospital.