Work Text:
Wednesday
lee minho
(12:23) Squirrels are the only mammals that cannot be killed by falling from a terminal velocity
(12:23) They can slow their fall to a speed that won’t kill them
(12:24) To kill them via a fall, you have to drop them from a height that would cause them to starve to death on their way down
unknown number
(12:45) So like 4800 miles
lee minho
(12:46) Yeah, wait who the fuck are you?
(12:46) Why do you know that off the top of your head
unknown number
(12:47) You texted me first?
(12:47) And I’m a math major
(12:48) It’s not that hard of a problem to solve
lee minho
(12:50) I’ve been texting this number whenever my friends try to get me to be social
(12:50) I’ve been doing this for months
(12:52) The number used to be disconnected
(12:52) Why did you respond?
unknown number
(12:53) Weird
(12:53) But, hi, the phone number belongs to me now
(12:54) I needed a new phone and number because I managed to piss someone off
lee minho
(12:55) What did you even do?
(12:56) And who do I have the distinct pleasure of speaking to?
unknown number
(13:05) Stranger danger
lee minho
(13:06) So you’re ok with answering texts from an unknown number and telling said unknown number what you’re majoring in, but you draw the line at a name?
unknown number
(13:10) Well, I figured if you wanted to kill me, you wouldn’t open with a fun fact about the deaths of squirrels
(13:11) It’d probably be something far more intimidating
lee minho
(13:12) It could have been a segue for my threat about how a squirrel can’t fall to their death, but a human like you can fall oh so easily
unknown number
(13:12) It’d be one of the more creative threats I’ve gotten
lee minho
(13:13) Received many threats, have you?
unknown number
(13:13) I’ve been told that I have a bit of an attitude problem
lee minho
(13:14) More like you have no sense of self-preservation
unknown number
(13:15) Believe it or not, I’ve also been told that before
lee minho
(13:20) I won’t text you again
unknown number
(13:22) Was that an apology?
(13:23) Is it really that hard to say sorry?
lee minho
(13:25) I am going to block you
unknown number
(13:25) You texted me first
(13:30) Did you seriously block me
(13:35) What the fuck
(13:45) Why am I mad about this?
Thursday
unknown number
(15:53) Hey Changbinnie hyung, can you come grab me from the studio?
(15:55) I think I twisted my ankle
(16:01) Don’t laugh at me
lee minho
(16:02) Let me reiterate my previous statement
(16:02) You have no sense of self-preservation
unknown number
(16:03) Oh, you aren’t Changbin
(16:03) Wait shit is this the wrong number again?
(16:05) I thought you blocked me?
lee minho
(16:06) Got it in one, genius
(16:06) I block regularly to make a point
(16:06) You have to really fuck up to stay blocked
(16:07) I enjoy being annoying too much
unknown number
(16:08) How many people do you have blocked?
lee minho
(16:10) Most people who have ever texted me
(16:10) You are dangerously close to being added to the list
unknown number
(16:11) The suspense is killing me
(16:11) Actually, no
(16:11) My ankle is killing me
lee minho
(16:12) Is Changbin coming to get you?
unknown number
(16:13) Shit
lee minho
(16:13) Ask him, you idiot
———————
kim seungmin
(16:13) Hey hyung, can you come get me from the studio?
(16:13) I tripped and twisted my ankle helping Hyunjin practice for his showcase
(16:13) And now I can’t get up
seo changbin
(16:14) MINNIE
(16:14) Are you okay?
(16:14) Do you need a doctor?
(16:14) Do you need anything?
(16:14) HELP IS ON THE WAY
kim seungmin
(16:15) I’m fine
(16:15) Just need some help getting home
seo changbin
(16:16) On my way :)
(16:16) Be there in fifteen minutes
kim seungmin
(16:16) Hyunjin is still here
(16:17) He’s still sweaty from practice
seo changbin
(16:18) Suddenly, I’m sprinting
(16:18) I’ll be there in five
———————
unknown number
(16:20) Yes, he’s coming now
(16:20) Your numbers are only one digit off
(16:20) It’s why I messed them up
lee minho
(16:21) Do you not save numbers as names?
unknown number
(16:22) No
(16:22) It makes my friends mad
(16:22) And it makes me laugh
(16:23) So I like it
lee minho
(16:25) Menace
unknown number
(16:25) Wait, so do I have a cute name in your phone?
lee minho
(16:30) No
(16:30) Unknown annoyance
[lee minho changed unknown number to unknown annoyance]
unknown annoyance
(16:30) Hey now
(16:30) I don't know why we keep having to go over this
(16:30) YOU texted ME first
(16:31) You brought this upon yourself
lee minho
(16:32) And every time you text, I regret it that much more
unknown annoyance
(16:32) I can’t tell if you’re actually mad
(16:40) Sorry for texting you
(16:43) By accident
(16:45) Won’t happen again
Sunday
lee minho
(14:42) Ants cannot be killed via microwave
unknown annoyance
(15:05) Now, how are you going to segue from that fact to a threat
lee minho
(15:06) Ants are small enough to fit between the waves, thus leaving them unharmed
unknown annoyance
(15:07) Actually, I’m pretty small
(15:07) Taller than most of my friends
(15:08) But still small overall, I guess
(15:08) Maybe I could survive death via microwave
lee minho
(15:10) You definitely couldn’t
(15:11) I’d make sure of it
(15:13) How tall are you?
unknown annoyance
(15:15) A whole entire 175 cm
(15:15) Which, for a guy, is apparently short :(
lee minho
(15:20) Fuck
unknown annoyance
(15:21) What?
lee minho
(15:25) I’m 172 cm
(15:25) And a guy too
unknown annoyance
(15:26) Seriously?
(15:26) This is the best day of my entire life
(15:26) You’re so small!
(15:27) Not as small as Changbin
(15:27) But still!!
(15:30) …
(15:30) Did I get blocked again?
(15:30) That reaction probably warranted a block
(15:35) Ah, yeah, I did get blocked. That’s fair
———————
seo changbin
(15:40) So are you gonna tell me who your new friend is
(15:40) Or am I gonna have to do some snooping
kim seungmin
(15:41) I am a bank vault of information you will never be able to see
seo changbin
(15:43) I’m confident in my ability to get information from your phone
(15:43) Well, Lix’s ability
kim seungmin
(15:44) Shut up
(15:44) He’s just some wrong number who texted me
(15:45) Then kept texting me
(15:45) And I kept responding because he’s funny
seo changbin
(15:46) Stranger danger, Kim Seungmin
(15:46) Have I taught you NOTHING
kim seungmin
(15:47) I am not your son?
(15:47) I am your roommate?
seo changbin
(15:47) Shut up. You’re grounded
kim seungmin
(15:48) Moving on
(15:48) I don’t know
(15:49) It’s kinda fun
seo changbin
(15:50) We have GOT to get you some more friends
(15:51) …
(15:51) Maybe even a boyfriend?
kim seungmin
(15:51) Hyung
seo changbin
(15:51) Minnie, it’s been months
(15:51) He can’t hurt you anymore
(15:52) And you deserve to be happy
kim seungmin
(15:53) I don’t want to talk about this
seo changbin
(15:53) I’m sorry
(15:43) I just care about you
kim seungmin
(15:55) I know
(15:55) Thank you
———————
Monday
lee minho
(10:32) You have been unblocked on a probationary period because my roommate is walking towards me, and if I look busy, he will leave me alone
(10:34) Newborns do not have the ability to cry tears when they are first born
unknown annoyance
(10:35) Oh, I know where this is going
lee minho
(10:35) But I can make you cry. Easily
unknown annoyance
(10:36) Ohhhhh…kinky
(10:36) You know, I’m starting to think that you’re picking your facts on how easy it is to turn them into threats
lee minho
(10:36) You can’t prove anything
unknown annoyance
(10:36) Sorry about last night
(10:37) I won’t bring up your tiny height again, don’t worry
lee minho
(10:38) You are on probation
(10:38) Do not push it
unknown annoyance
(10:39) You need me as a distraction
lee minho
(10:40) Bold of you to assume that
(10:40) I do not need you
(10:40) But
(10:40) You are doing an excellent job of making my hyung avoid intrusive questions
unknown annoyance
(10:41) Why are you hiding from your friend?
lee minho
(10:41) Because he is convinced I need to “speak to people” and “invest in a relationship”
(10:41) And he keeps trying to set me up with his friends
unknown annoyance
(10:42) Huh
(10:42) Changbin is trying to do the same thing with me
(10:42) So I understand
(10:42) And I’m free as a distraction for a few more minutes
(10:43) Then I have class
(10:43) And you’re on your own
lee minho
(10:43) Math, right?
unknown annoyance
(10:44) Yeah
lee minho
(10:45) Gross
unknown annoyance
(10:45) Hey now
(10:45) Don’t insult my major (that I hate) (why am I doing this)
(10:46) How old are you?
(10:46) Do you study too?
lee minho
(10:46) I’m a senior
(10:46) I’m studying dance and business
(10:47) Why are we playing 20 questions right now?
unknown annoyance
(10:47) Again
(10:47) You texted ME first
(10:47) And wait, that’s such a cool major though
(10:48) I wanted to study vocal performance
lee minho
(10:49) So why didn’t you?
unknown annoyance
(10:50) Long story
(10:50) But someone thought I should do something practical
(10:50) And I’m already a sophomore
(10:50) So now I’m stuck in it
lee minho
(10:51) It’s never too late to switch
(10:51) But don’t you have to get to your terrible math class now?
unknown annoyance
(10:52) Oh shit
(10:52) Yes, and I’m on the wrong side of campus
(10:53) I need to run
lee minho
(10:58) Didn’t you sprain your ankle?
(10:58) Don’t run, idiot
(10:58) Don’t get hurt
Wednesday
———————
bang chan
(11:30) Seungminnie
(11:30) I have decided to take a stand on you and Changbin’s nutrition
(11:30) I came over this morning, and all you had was kimchi stew and protein powder
(11:31) You are all going to send me to an early grave
kim seungmin
(11:32) It won’t be early with your advanced age
bang chan
(11:32) Seungmin, please
(11:33) Lunch is on the counter
kim seungmin
(11:40) Hyung, you do know you aren’t actually our father, right?
bang chan
(11:41) My beloved son…disowning me
kim seungmin
(11:40) You’ve literally been inside my childhood best friend
(11:40) I want no part of your weird incest kink
bang chan
(11:41) Let’s not bring my sex life with Jeongin into this conversation
kim seungmin
(11:42) …thank you for the sandwich
bang chan
(11:43) :)
———————
unknown annoyance
(11:45) Switching it up and texting you first this time
(11:45) Anyway
(11:45) What is the best way to tell a friend that you and your roommate are not his biological children?
(11:46) Changbin and I have meals prepared for us all week now
lee minho
(11:50) Changbin isn’t your boyfriend?
unknown annoyance
(11:50) He’s just my roommate?
lee minho
(11:51) Nevermind
(11:52) Snails can sleep for three years
unknown annoyance
(11:55) …
(11:55) And?
lee minho
(11:56) But three years is nothing compared to the eternal sleep I’m gonna put you in
unknown annoyance
(11:57) Oh, good one
(11:57) But I don’t think anything is going to be able to top your squirrel threat
lee minho
(11:58) Don’t challenge me
unknown annoyance
(11:59) Too late, the challenge has been issued
lee minho
(12:00) Why are you so interesting?
unknown annoyance
(12:00) What does that mean?
(12:01) You’re really gonna leave that unanswered?
(12:01) THAT was more threatening than any of your “threats”
(12:10) What did I even do to get blocked now?
Thursday
lee minho
(21:55) The fingerprints of a koala are so closely related to those of humans that they often contaminate crime scenes
(21:55) Makes it so much easier to get away with killing you
unknown annoyance
(21:56) Oh, am I off the block list now?
(21:56) I was beginning to think I’d made it to the permanent one
lee minho
(00:01) Don’t be so dramatic
(00:01) You weren’t even blocked for that long
(00:01) You just never bothered texting again
unknown annoyance
(00:02) Did you miss me?
(00:02) This relationship is moving quite fast, isn’t it?
lee minho
(00:03) I will not hesitate to block you again
unknown annoyance
(00:03) Yeah, but I know that I can just keep texting you
lee minho
(00:05) What if I ask you to stop?
unknown annoyance
(00:05) Then I stop
(00:05) I’m not going to force you to do something that you don’t want to do
(00:05) I know how that feels, and I’m never doing it to someone else
(00:06) I promise
lee minho
(00:09) Why are you like this?
unknown annoyance
(00:10) I am several mental breakdowns, wrapped up in a coat, pretending to be a functional human being, but I can assure you I’m real
lee minho
(00:11) I am still not convinced you aren’t some highly advanced AI my friends put on my phone to remind me what a real relationship is and tempt me into one
unknown annoyance
(00:12) If I’m an AI made of math, do you think I still have to study for my mathematical finance class? (00:12) I’ve been studying for like six hours and I can’t feel my eyes
(00:12) Because I’m about 98% sure I’m going to fail it tomorrow
(00:13) And if I fail it, my parents will pull me out of school
(00:14) Because they think I can’t handle anything anymore
(00:14) And like
(00:14) They aren’t entirely wrong
(00:15) But if I go home, I’ll have no friends
lee minho
(00:15) Okay, I’m going to stop you there
(00:15) Because, even over text, I can see you spiraling
(00:15) Take a breath, find your roommate, and talk for a bit
(00:15) Then go the fuck to sleep
unknown annoyance
(00:17) I’m fine
(00:17) I don’t want to bother Changbin more than I already have this year
(00:18) And I’m talking to you
(00:18) You’re a good distraction
lee minho
(00:20) Care too much about Changbin to bother him, but you’re happy to bother me?
unknown annoyance
(00:21) Wait, no, it’s not like that
(00:21) It’s weird
(00:21) I just like talking to you
lee minho
(00:24) You are, quite possibly, the only person who has ever said that to me
(00:26) I’m an acquired taste type of person, normally
(00:26) What’s your favorite topic?
unknown annoyance
(00:27) Baseball
(00:28) Why?
lee minho
(00:30) I don’t do sports
(00:30) Pick another topic
(00:30) And because I’m gonna give you something to focus on other than your exam
unknown annoyance
(00:31) I like languages?
(00:31) I speak Korean and English
(00:31) But I’m learning Japanese and Thai now
lee minho
(00:34) The previous pope tweets in nine languages, but the Spanish account had the most followers
(00:35) There are over 200 artificial languages created for books, TV, and movies
(00:36) The United States has no official language
(00:37) Russian was the first language spoken in space
(00:38) Over 300 languages are spoken in London
(00:39) Don’t think about your test, think about these instead
unknown annoyance
(00:40) Wow facts with no death threat
(00:40) Is this your version of flirting???
(00:43) Thank you
———————
han jisung
(00:45) I see you over there on your phone, Minho
(00:45) Who the fuck are you texting at ass o clock
(00:45) Keeping me up with that bright ass light
lee minho
(00:46) It’s nothing, Jisung
(00:46) Leave it
(00:46) Like you’d be asleep now anyway
han jisung
(00:40) It’s only a little after midnight
(00:41) I COULD be asleep
(00:41) Do you have a new friend you aren’t telling me about?
lee minho
(00:41) Han Jisung, I will BLOCK you
han jisung
(00:42) No, you won’t
(00:42) You’re secretly sentimental
(00:42) You can’t block me, I’m your roommate
lee minho
(00:42) …
(00:42) Wanna bet?
han jisung
(00:43) No, sir, I do not
(00:43) Good night
lee minho
(00:44) That’s what I thought
———————
Friday
lee minho
(12:32) Calculus was invented when mathematicians were trying to understand the language of god
(12:33) So you being a math major will help you beg for your soul when I kill you
unknown annoyance
(12:35) Awfully bold of you to assume that I’m going to heaven
(12:36) Also, I don’t think I failed my test
(12:36) So I think I’m in the clear to remain in school
(12:36) Unfortunately
lee minho
(12:38) You want to tell me why you essentially had a mental breakdown last night?
unknown annoyance
(12:40) It’s a very long story
(12:40) But in short
(12:40) I had some personal stuff happen last semester
(12:41) Private
(12:41) And I did not handle it very well at all
(12:41) And almost had to drop out
(12:42) And now no one trusts me to deal with anything challenging anymore
(12:42) So I have to be perfect
(12:42) And get perfect grades
(12:43) So that no one worries about me
(12:43) And I can stay in school with my friends
lee minho
(12:43) Crippling perfectionism does not sound like the solution to your problems
unknown annoyance
(12:45) It’s probably not!
(12:45) But it’s what I’m doing so…
(12:45) But thank you for last night
(12:45) How’d you know that distraction would work
lee minho
(12:47) Some of us are well-adjusted individuals
(12:47) Who have learned from their own past mistakes
unknown annoyance
(12:48) I don’t think someone who, every day, finds new and creative ways to threaten me with my own death can call themselves “well-adjusted”
(12:50) Did you block me over that?
(12:55) Seriously?
(13:32) At least now I know to just keep texting and, eventually, you’ll answer again
(14:46) Helloooooo
lee minho
(14:53) Do you enjoy flirting with death
unknown annoyance
(14:55) I like flirting with you
———————
han jisung
(14:56) Hyung, we’re going to the baseball game tomorrow
lee minho
(14:56) WE are doing no such thing
(14:57) YOU can go, if you want
han jisung
(14:57) No, we need to go
(14:57) We’re playing our rivals
(14:57) It’s important
lee minho
(14:58) Jisung, when have I ever once cared about our university’s sports teams
han jisung
(14:59) Good point
(15:01) We’re still going
lee minho
(15:03) Now, why would I do something like that?
han jisung
(15:04) You decided, in your old age, to show school spirit for your final year at this school
(15:04) Because you love me very much, and I’m going
(15:05) Men in tight baseball pants
lee minho
(15:07) Spit it out
(15:07) What’s the real reason you want me there?
han jisung
(15:08) Felix is joining the cheer team for this game
(15:09) And I think if I see him in that uniform, I am going to pass out
(15:09) So I need you to make sure I don’t humiliate myself
(15:09) In public
(15:09) So he doesn’t break up with me
———————
lee minho
(15:21) Moving swiftly past that last declaration
(15:21) Quick question
(15:22) If I were to kill my roommate
(15:22) What is the best way to do so without being caught?
unknown annoyance
(15:25) Aren’t YOU the one who has been threatening ME?
(15:25) You should be the one who knows how to do this
lee minho
(15:27) Ok, but theoretically
unknown annoyance
(15:30) Well
(15:31) Roommates are difficult
(15:32) If we’re killing him
(15:32) You’d be the prime suspect
lee minho
(15:32) Oh, this is a WE kill now?
(15:33) Is this how you flirt?
unknown annoyance
(15:35) Is it working?
———————
han jisung
(15:35) ???
(15:40) So???
lee minho
(15:41) Fine
(15:41) I’ll go to support Felix
(15:41) My beloved dance junior
(15:41) Not you
han jisung
(15:41) I’M YOUR ROOMMATE???
lee minho
(15:43) Don’t push your luck, Jisung
han jisung
(15:43) Did you secretly ask the person you keep texting if you should go?
(15:44) Are they making you nicer?
lee minho
(15:44) DON’T push your luck, Jisung
(15:50) What time tomorrow?
han jisung
(15:51) …
(15:51) 8:30 am
lee minho
(15:52) I’m killing you in your sleep tonight
———————
lee minho
(15:52) No
(15:52) Shut up
unknown annoyance
(15:53) :)
lee minho
(15:54) Okay, so I’m killing you AND my roommate tonight
unknown annoyance
(15:55) Wait, why is the murder happening tonight?
lee minho
(15:55) Because my dear roommate is making me wake up at 8:30 am for a game tomorrow
(15:55) A game that I don’t even want to go to
(15:55) I don’t even like sports
unknown annoyance
(15:57) Oh, that’s not so bad
(15:57) I’m always awake by then on weekends anyway
lee minho
(15:58) Who the fuck wakes up so early on a Saturday
unknown annoyance
(15:58) Literally me
(15:58) Every weekend
lee minho
(15:59) Anyway
(15:59) Back to the murder of my roommate
unknown annoyance
(16:01) No
(16:01) You mocked me for my sleep schedule
(16:01) So I am not going to help
(16:01) And will instead laugh while I watch you go to jail
(16:01) Knowing that I could have changed the outcome
lee minho
(16:03) I am going to block you
unknown annoyance
(16:03) Do it
(16:03) I dare you
(16:10) Oh shit, you actually did
(16:11) This is a problem for after my game tomorrow
(16:20) :(
(18:30) Okay, I know I said my being blocked was a problem for later, but I am not smart
(18:30) So
(18:31) Theoretically speaking
(18:31) If I just ate my entire body weight in fettuccine alfredo, what are the chances that I projectile vomit right in the middle of my game tomorrow?
lee minho
(18:40) See now
(18:40) You are absolutely not allowed to do that
(18:40) That’s nasty
unknown annoyance
(18:41) Yeah, ok, that’s fair
(18:41) But counterpoint
(18:42) I’m not supposed to eat dairy
(18:42) So I’m not sure how much control I have over this situation
lee minho
(18:45) Do you have a fucking death wish?
unknown annoyance
(18:45) On a normal day, no
(18:45) But one of my friends made the pasta for a movie night
(18:46) And no one was eating it because he has an absolutely abhorrent track record with cooking
(18:46) Like literally one time he burned pancakes because he forgot to add butter to the pan
(18:46) He has broken multiple kitchen appliances trying to cook things
(18:47) Granted, I am probably worse, but I normally don’t even try
(18:47) But he keeps trying, and I feel so bad that he’s not improving
(18:47) So I ate it all
(18:47) To make it look like we liked it
lee minho
(18:53) Tell me, then, wrong number
(18:53) Do you enjoy martyring yourself?
unknown annoyance
(18:54) Again, on a normal day, no
(18:54) But for my friends? Any time
lee minho
(18:57) I hate you
unknown annoyance
(18:58) What did I do this time?
(19:14) I sure am racking up frequent flyer points for being blocked
(19:32) Bet I hold that record
lee minho
(21:43) I think I’ve probably blocked my hyung more than you
(21:44) He’s annoyingly persistent when trying to get me to better my life
(21:44) But other than him, you’ve got the record
unknown annoyance
(21:54) Wait, what’s his record?
(21:54) I have an unhealthy obsession with competition
(21:55) I want to win
lee minho
(21:56) I hate sports fanatics
(21:57) You’re just like my roommate's boyfriend and his video games
(21:57) Yelling at all hours of the day when he’s visiting
unknown annoyance
(21:57) Maybe I should just text your roommate’s boyfriend instead
(21:58) He seems much nicer than you
(21:58) And, oh, look, we have so much in common
lee minho
(22:00) Don’t you fucking dare
(22:05) You two seem far too similar
(22:05) I might have to do something drastic if that happens
unknown annoyance
(22:02) Oh, are we back to threats now?
(22:02) Would you miss me that badly?
lee minho
(22:02) Listen
(22:03) We both know that my threats are far more creative than that
unknown annoyance
(22:05) You didn’t answer my question
(22:05) And I expect a far more interesting threat if you’re actually going to kill me
lee minho
(22:10) Would something like this work:
(22:11) Dolphins sleep with one eye open
(22:11) Much like you will need to do
(22:11) Because if you don’t, it’ll be that much easier to sneak up and kill you
unknown annoyance
(22:12) Ugh, perfect
(22:13) I expect nothing less when you finally get sick of me and decide to finally act on your threats
lee minho
(22:15) I’ll get bored with you eventually
unknown annoyance
(22:15) Yeah, but I’m useful now
(22:15) So it’s fine
lee minho
(22:20) This rather sounds like we need to have a candid conversation about you and your self-worth
unknown annoyance
(22:22) Eh, I’ll be fine
lee minho
(22:25) Will you, though, really?
(22:25) Will you?
unknown annoyance
(22:27) It’s just
(22:27) The last guy I was with?
(22:27) He said I was smart, dependable, and cute when I did what he wanted
(22:27) When I was useful
(22:27) Said I was cold and selfish when I didn’t
(22:27) He used to say that if I wasn’t useful, I’d be boring and not worth his time
(22:28) And I believed him. For way too long
(22:28) I left him eventually, yeah
(22:29) But now every time someone says I’d be good WITH someone, I wonder if they mean I’d be good FOR someone
(22:29) I don’t want to be that again
(22:30) Woah, that came out of nowhere
(22:30) Fuck, sorry for dropping that on you unprompted
lee minho
(22:30) Hey
(22:30) Don’t apologize for that
(22:30) You needed to talk about it
(22:30) I’m sorry that happened to you
(22:31) I don’t know you, not really
(22:31) But from the way you talk
(22:31) And the way you care about your dumb roommate
(22:31) And your friends who can’t cook for shit
(22:31) And even a wrong-number stranger who texted you by accident
(22:32) You are not just useful
(22:32) You’re nice
(22:32) And you deserve to be wanted for who you are, not what you give
(22:33) You’re not fine right now
(22:33) But you will be
(22:33) You aren’t boring. I’m sorry I said that
unknown annoyance
(22:50) Thank you
(22:50) I hope you sleep well before your early morning wake-up
lee minho
(22:51) Fuck, I forgot about that
Saturday
lee minho
(7:30) Good morning, wrong number
(7:30) Or should I say
(7:30) Horrible morning
(7:31) Because it is ASS O CLOCK in the morning
(7:32) How the hell do you do this all the time?
(7:32) I hate being awake
(7:32) I should be allowed to sleep for 24 hours every day
unknown annoyance
(7:40) That is a coma
lee minho
(7:40) Festive!
unknown annoyance
(7:41) Anyway
(7:41) I am a well-adjusted individual who has a nice and normal sleep schedule
lee minho
(7:43) You literally have texted me at midnight, having a breakdown this week
(7:43) Not one part of you is what I would call
(7:43) Well-adjusted
unknown annoyance
(7:44) Fine, ok
(7:44) I get up early for physical exercise
(7:44) My roommate says it releases endorphins
(7:45) Makes me feel good
(7:45) Therefore, getting up early makes me feel good
lee minho
(7:47) Fucking flawless logic
unknown annoyance
(7:48) Thank you, I try
(7:50) Oh wait oh fuck
(7:51) I gotta run to get to my game
———————
lee felix
(11:14) Oh my god, Seungminnie
kim seungmin
(18:30) Felix
lee felix
(11:15) OH MY GOD OK
(11:15) Holy SHIT
(11:15) My September triplet, my friend, the light of my motherfucking life
(11:15) Who knew you had it in you to not only get a number through a wrong text
(11:16) BUT ALSO through a hot guy at the game today????
kim seungmin
(11:23) What?
lee felix
(11:24) This hot dude
(11:24) Sungie’s roommate
(11:24) (REALLY hope he’s your type because you have the exact same type of humor)
(11:24) Came up to me during the seventh inning when my ass was over on the bench
(11:25) Because, you know, I didn’t want to get sunburned cheerleading
kim seungmin
(11:26) Felix, please, get to the story
lee felix
(11:26) OH, are you interested??
(11:27) But anyway, he came up to me and was like
(11:27) “I saw you talking to the pitcher during warm-ups, and I’m about to head out”
(11:28) “Wanted to give him my number, but he’s pitching and I refuse to wait for this godforsaken game to end”
(11:29) So now I have permission to share his number
(11:30) [number attached]
(11:31) And now, so do you
(11:31) His name is Minho
(11:32) Play nice
kim seungmin
(11:40) Felix
(11:41) You know I love you
(11:41) But you know I am literally never going to text that man
lee felix
(11:42) Seungminnnnnnnnie
(18:42) You’re one of my best friends in the entire world
(11:42) And you deserve to be happy
(11:42) That nasty ass man is expelled and banned from campus
(11:42) No more tragic backstory
(11:42) You are free to date
(11:43) Live your hot Seungmin semester
kim seungmin
(11:45) Firstly, love that we’re reducing my abusive ex into a
(11:45) “Tragic backstory”
(11:46) Secondly, no
(11:46) I’m not dragging someone else into my problems
(11:47) I don’t know if I’m ready
lee felix
(11:48) Yeah
(11:48) But consider this
(11:48) He’s hot
kim seungmin
(11:49) No
lee felix
(11:50) You have been texting that wrong number dude for like
(11:50) Two full weeks
(11:51) I know you like that wrong number guy
(11:51) But, Minnie, he’s not real
(11:51) You can send one text to Sungie’s roommate
kim seungmin
(11:54) Why are you so insistent about this?
lee felix
(11:54) I dunno
(11:54) Just think it’ll be good for you to branch out
(11:55) Get back into the dating world
(11:55) And I think you two would work well together
kim seungmin
(11:56) You won’t let this go til I text, will you?
lee felix
(11:57) Not one bit :)
kim seungmin
(11:57) I don’t know why people think you’re incapable of violence
(11:58) You’re terrible
lee felix
(11:58) Love you too, Minnie <3
(11:59) Please go text Minho hyung
(11:59) He’s so weird, he needs someone like you to match his freak
———————
unknown annoyance
(12:00) Hello Minho-ssi
(12:00) This is Kim Seungmin
(12:01) You gave your number to Felix at the baseball game today to give to me
———————
kim seungmin
(12:05) Ok, I texted him
lee felix
(12:07) HELL YEAH
kim seungmin
(12:10) I’m gonna tell Chan you peer-pressured me into texting someone I don’t know
lee felix
(12:11) Wait, no
(12:12) I don’t wanna get that “Felix, I am so disappointed in you” face
kim seungmin
(12:15) Should’ve thought about that before being mean to me
lee felix
(12:16) Seungmin, you are a menace
kim seungmin
(12:16) I’m going through my rebellious phase
———————
lee minho
(13:30) ???
unknown annoyance
(13:35) What do you mean “???”
(13:35) YOU gave ME your number
(13:40) Wait
(13:41) Holy shit
(13:41) I didn’t realize I already had a message history with you
(13:45) Wrong number?
(13:50) NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BLOCK ME
(14:15) Minho?
Sunday
———————
han jisung
(13:35) Hyung, I have decided, as your roommate
(13:35) It’s time for you to start being nicer to your friends
(13:35) You nearly took Felix’s head off at breakfast today
(13:36) ALL HE DID WAS ASK IF YOU WANTED FOOD
lee minho
(14:00) He offered me a pineapple
(14:00) Did you know that pineapple is the fruit that eats you back?
(14:00) It was obviously an attempt on my life, Jisung
(14:01) What was I supposed to do?
han jisung
(14:03) Not yell at him???
(14:06) Seriously, hyung
(14:06) What’s been up with you all weekend?
(14:06) You were okay Saturday morning
(14:06) But we didn’t see you for the rest of the day
(14:07) And now you’re being mean and nasty :(
lee minho
(14:10) It’s none of your business
han jisung
(14:10) Actually
(14:11) As your roommate
(14:11) I think it is :)
lee minho
(14:15) Fuck off, Han Jisung
han jisung
(14:15) You know damn well I won’t
lee minho
(14:15) You really want to know?
(14:15) Fine
(14:15) I like somebody, okay
(14:15) But I realized
(14:16) No matter how much I like him
(14:16) It is never going to happen
(14:16) He’s not ready
(14:16) And I’m not going to be the person who pushes him when he’s finally just breathing again
han jisung
(14:17) Hyung?
(14:17) What are you talking about?
(15:18) Please don't block me
(16:20) Hyung?
———————
kim seungmin [DO NOT TEXT]
(17:00) I’m sorry I wasn’t what you wanted
(17:00) I’ll leave you alone now
(17:01) I promised
Thursday
———————
seo changbin
(18:45) Minnie
(18:45) I wanted to give you space because you looked upset after your game on Saturday
(18:46) But
(18:46) Why haven’t you left your room all week?
(18:46) Are you okay?
kim seungmin
(18:48) I’ve been going to class, don’t worry, hyung
(18:48) I’m fine
seo changbin
(18:49) What happened?
kim seungmin
(18:50) I think I upset someone
(18:50) And I don’t really know what I did
seo changbin
(18:51) ?
kim seungmin
(18:55) Okay, you know that wrong number I was texting?
seo changbin
(18:55) Yeah?
(18:55) Did he do something to you???
kim seungmin
(19:01) NO
(19:01) No
(19:01) I think it was my fault
(19:01) It turned out to be Minho
(19:02) You know, Felix’s boyfriend’s roommate
(19:02) And he asked for my number at the game through Felix
(19:02) But then, when he found out it was me when I texted him
(19:02) He blocked me
(19:03) So I don’t know what I did, but it was definitely me
(19:03) And I don’t even know why I’m upset
(19:03) But he was so nice when he didn’t know it was me
(19:03) Like I told him about my ex and everything
(19:04) And he must have liked how I looked enough to ask for my number from Lix
(19:04) And I texted him, not knowing it was him because you know how I don’t save numbers
(19:04) As soon as he connected the dots
(19:05) My messages stopped being delivered
(19:05) So it’s over
(19:05) And I don’t want to talk about it anymore
seo changbin
(19:05) Oh, Minnie
(19:05) I’m sorry
(19:05) I don’t know Minho well
(19:06) But I’m sure there’s another reason
kim seungmin
(19:10) I just don’t think I’m meant for a relationship, hyung
(19:10) It’s fine
(19:10) I’ll be fine
seo changbin
(19:11) Come out to the living room, baby
(19:11) We can watch the baseball games tonight
(19:12) I won’t even complain that I don’t understand the rules, and I’ll let you explain them to me
kim seungmin
(19:15) Okay
(19:15) Thank you
———————
lee minho
I’m sorry
That’s not even close to enough, but I don’t know what else to say
I told myself it was to protect you
But I think I was just scared
You deserve someone braver than me
[delete messages before sending?]
[yes or no]
Friday
———————
han jisung
(16:15) Lee Minho
lee minho
(16:20) Han Jisung
han jisung
(16:20) Oh, so NOW you unblock me
(16:20) After nearly a FULL week
lee minho
(16:21) Sorry, Sungie
(16:21) I needed some time to think
han jisung
(16:21) Okay
(16:22) I get that
(16:22) We’ve all been there before
(16:22) But what happened???
lee minho
(16:25) Do you remember the wrong number I was texting?
han jisung
(16:25) Yes???
lee minho
(16:25) It was Seungmin
(16:25) The pitcher
(16:25) From the baseball game
(16:26) I didn’t know until he texted me after the game
han jisung
(16:26) Oh my god
(16:26) Hyung, he’s so nice
(16:26) Felix loves him
(16:27) He turned you down?
lee minho
(16:30) Not exactly
(16:30) But he’s told me about his ex before
han jisung
(16:30) Oh, yeah
(16:30) Felix told me about that
lee minho
(16:31) And he’s clearly not ready for another relationship
han jisung
(16:31) Did he tell you that exactly?
(16:31) Or are you putting words in his mouth?
(16:40) Hyung?
(16:50) You blocked me again?
(17:02) I think you’re being an asshole, hyung
(18:00) And also so, so stupid
———————
lee minho
I made a choice for both of us without asking what you wanted
And that wasn’t fair of me
Can we start over?
I’m sorry
[delete messages before sending?]
[yes or no]
———————
han jisung
(19:03) Hello Seungmin!
kim seungmin
(19:13) Who is this?
han jisung
(19:13) Wow, you really do just reply to any random text you get you get from unknown numbers
(19:13) Crazy
(19:13) Could not be me
(19:14) But it’s Jisung
(19:14) Felix gave me your number because I asked for it
(19:14) And my roommate is being a fucking idiot
kim seungmin
(19:15) Felix needs to stop handing my number out to anyone and everyone
(19:15) And no offense, Jisung
(19:15) But I really don’t want to talk about your roommate right now
han jisung
(19:17) Okay, listen
(19:17) I’m so sorry about him
(19:17) But I am going to meddle
kim seungmin
(19:20) Please don’t
han jisung
(19:21) Too late
(19:21) Anyway
(19:21) THEORETICALLY
(19:22) Would you be open to a relationship with him
kim seungmin
(19:32) I mean, yeah?
(19:32) Of course
(19:32) He’s fun to talk to
(19:32) I liked talking with him
(19:33) A lot
(19:34) But it’s clearly not going to happen because he blocked me as soon as he found out it was me
(19:34) I can read the signs
(19:34) And I’m not going to force myself on him
(19:34) I promised
[han jisung took a screenshot of the chat]
kim seungmin
(19:37) Jisung
(19:37) What are you doing
han jisung
(19:38) I already told you
(19:38) Meddling
kim seungmin
(19:39) You and Felix really are the same person
han jisung
(19:40) I know
(19:40) I love him so much
———————
lee minho
I miss you
And it’s my fault
I’m sorry
[delete messages before sending?]
[yes or no]
———————
han jisung
(19:41) Hyung
(19:41) I know I’m blocked right now
(19:41) But when you decide to finally pull your head out of your own ass
(19:42) [screenshot attached]
———————
[lee minho calling kim seungmin]
[call accepted]
[call ended]
[call duration: 03:16:01]
[lee minho changed unknown annoyance to kim seungmin <3]
lee minho
(22:58) Kim Seungmin
(22:58) If a lobster loses a claw, it can grow it back
(22:58) But I can’t grow another you
(22:59) And I don’t want to lose you again
(22:59) Will you go out on a date with me on Monday?
kim seungmin <3
(23:00) Yes, hyung
(23:00) I’d love that
Monday
lee minho
(9:43) Are you nervous?
kim seungmin <3
(9:46) Why would I be nervous
(9:46) I’ve definitely seen you before at least once
(9:47) In real life
(9:47) Probably
(9:47) We have all the same friends
(9:48) Honestly, it’s insane we didn’t start talking sooner
lee minho
(9:49) I may need to block Felix for gatekeeping you from me for two years
kim seungmin <3
(9:49) No
(9:49) No more blocking people
lee minho
(9:50) Sorry, Seungminnie
kim seungmin <3
(9:50) Hyung, I was joking
(9:50) You already apologized
(9:50) I forgave you
lee minho
(9:51) Still
(9:51) I’m sorry
(9:51) Anyway
(9:51) Are you going to cry when you see me?
kim seungmin <3
(9:51) I don’t cry
(9:52) YOU’RE the one who cried on the phone over the weekend
lee minho
(9:52) Lies
(9:52) Slander
(9:52) Shut up
kim seungmin <3
(9:53) You’re ruining your reputation
lee minho
(9:53) I’m ignoring that
(9:53) I’m at the cafe
(9:53) Do you want me to go ahead and order for you?
(9:55) Iced Americano with sugar-free vanilla?
kim seungmin <3
(9:55) How do you know what I want?
lee minho
(9:56) I texted Felix to get your roommate's number
(9:56) And he gave it to me
kim seungmin <3
(9:56) Of course he did
(9:56) One day, he will learn to stop giving out people’s numbers
lee minho
(9:56) Not today, though
(9:57) But I asked Changbin for your drink order
(9:57) And he responded by sending me your multi-page drink ranking Google Sheets
(9:57) Why do you have a drink ranking spreadsheet?
kim seungmin <3
(9:58) To rank my drinks
(9:58) Why else?
(9:58) Were you STUDYING for our date?
lee minho
(9:59) It pays to be prepared, Seungminnie
(9:59) You should try it sometimes
kim seungmin <3
(10:00) I am prepared, hyung
(10:00) I brought mints today
lee minho
(10:00) Are you planning on trying to kiss me or something?
kim seungmin <3
(10:01) I don’t know
(10:01) Are you planning to let me?
Minho is in the middle of trying to formulate a response to Seungmin’s insane text. He’s trying to be simultaneously witty, flirty, and definitely not desperate, and it’s harder than it should be, but he’s interrupted by a voice right next to him.
“Hi, hyung.”
Minho looks up.
And momentarily forgets how to breathe.
Seungmin is standing in front of him with a crooked smile, his hands buried in the sleeves of a too-big hoodie. His hair is slightly windswept, and his eyes are warmer up close, not separated by the several rows of stands and half a baseball field.
He’s perfect.
And he’s real.
And he’s here.
“You’re fifteen minutes early,” Minho says, shooting up to his feet a little bit too quickly and knocking the table with his knees. “You were supposed to text when you got close.”
“I changed my mind,” Seungmin says, stepping closer to Minho, and Minho forgets how to breathe all over again when he realizes Seungmin is taller than him. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“You’re very surprising.”
“You’re very dramatic,” Seungmin counters, sitting down and reaching for his cup on the table to take a sip. “Thank you for the coffee.”
“Did you actually bring mints?” Minho asks, sitting down next to Seungmin.
“Of course, I did,” Seungmin responds, pulling a handful out of his hoodie pocket.
Minho raises an eyebrow.
“Careful. I might start thinking you like me or something.”
“I do,” Seungmin says, looking down, shy all of a sudden.
Seeing his face, Minho quickly swallows the coffee in his mouth to reply.
“Me too, Minnie.”
It’s not a dramatic confession. Not really. They’ve had enough drama already.
But when Minho reaches across the table, brushing his fingers over Seungmin’s hand, it feels exactly right.