Work Text:
We divorced.
It wasn’t messy or anything—it was more like the quiet ones where we felt it was the best for the both of us.
Both of us saw it coming, but not in ways you could easily tell but in ways that can tingle.
It started off with a small notification on my husband’s phone. Usually, he keeps his co-workers or even friends’ names professional, branding but this one.. this one was different. It had an emoji next to it.
At first, I didn’t think anything of it.
Maybe he changed up a bit?
Then I glanced down, there it was.
“Last time was nice, let’s have dinner again. My treat.”
It could’ve been just a co-worker, sounding too friendly?
But I felt it.
It was familiar, intimate.
Yet, I brushed it off. Something new. He would’ve told me anyways, right?
He didn’t, but I forgot about it.
Yes, I believed love was real and that we would grow old together. And then later on, I realized that ours wasn’t meant to last forever.
True love. We called it that, and we stayed like that. But I guess it was just the little things that took us apart.
Heeseung is an amazing person. All rounder you could say. Back in high school, he was on the basketball team, had excellent grades, charming—he was everything you would want in a man.
And it all just clicked. We met through mutuals and hung out more privately. After that, I asked him out, he accepted and we became a thing. Nothing grand, we didn’t tell anyone.. they just figured it out.
I remember, he proposed after a movie I forced him to watch. No fancy dinners or at an amusement park, just at our small apartment we rented. The ring wasn’t huge, we were still a few months in our jobs so he only proposed with a silver band with a precious stud on top—yet it was perfect. He sounded so sincere and loving, I had to say yes. But even with no ring, I still would’ve said yes,
Eventually, we had a kid. It was a tough decision but we were firm. Parents were also dogging on us about when we would finally give them grandchildren. So we gave in after we settled.
(Except, they didn’t expect it so early. They were joking in a serious way.)
The baby was perfect, was a mix of us.
She had my fox-like amber eyes and Heeseung’s light honey skin.
Handling the baby wasn’t tough, we both had our fair share—though I took care of her a little more.
After my maternity leave was over, I got back to work and left the baby to a nanny.
Our budget was tight but we both made it work.
Surprisingly, the baby wasn’t so fussy all the time. She was like a breath of fresh air. Her giggles and smiles made us think it was all worth it.
When Jiwon got older and was at the stage to go to school, I kind of felt our drift from there.
I was preparing dinner, Jiwon’s favorite, mac and cheese. It took me a while to prepare as I had to follow a recipe which was quite easy, but she insisted on me making it as it was a food from the west and she seemed so adamant about it—I couldn’t say no.
Heeseung wrapped his arms around my waist and I felt a familiar wave of comfort wash around me.
“How was work, babe?”
“It was good,” I replied. “What about you?”
“Mine was fine, y’know.. the usual,” he paused. “but i’m afraid i’ll miss dinner tonight. Company dinner.” He murmured in my ear, pressing a small kiss on my shoulder over the soft cotton fabric.
I would’ve have been able to tell with that excuse. ‘Company dinner’ seemed believable, considering how we both worked in different companies.
“Ah.. you’ll have dinner with us tomorrow though, right?” I made sure, mostly because I was making ramen, his favorite.
“Of course baby.” Heeseung smiled and kissed my cheek.
Feeling his smile, I smiled back and finished preparing dinner as Heeseung unwrapped his arms around me and talked to Jiwon.
After Heeseung left, me and Jiwon ate our dinner.
It wasn’t quiet, our dinners were always filled with noise.
She rambled about her day—often getting distracted but I didn’t mind. A fond smile accompanied my face as I asked follow up questions, just to keep her smiling.
I tucked her into bed and gave her kiss on the forehead after reading her a bedtime story.
As I brushed my teeth and did my skincare, I couldn’t help but wonder what was taking Heeseung so long.
Or maybe I was just being clingy and didn’t want to sleep alone tonight.
Yet that was what happened anyway.
But I woke up with Heeseung nuzzled in my neck anyway. I softly chuckled and admired the view next to me before freezing when I saw Heeseung’s eyes stare right into mine.
“You’re awake..” I murmured. My voice coming out more raspier.
“Just now.” Heeseung yawned and covered his mouth.
It was those small moments I cherished. Just us, admiring each other with nothing to worry about. We shared a few kisses and then moved on with our day.
I got Jiwon dressed, made her eat breakfast and then sent her to school.
Then, I went to work and did my normal practices.
The third time it happened was when I went to a café nearby my workplace and saw Heeseung sitting with an awfully handsome man.
I got a bit jealous, which was rare. I never confronted Heeseung about what bothers me until I just have to let the steam off my chest. Like the first time I thought Heeseung was cheating on me with a girl in high school and cried in his arms. Only to find out it was his cousin. He kept teasing me about it.
Though I did get jealous in that moment, I found reasons that distracted me from it. They looked like they were just having a chat, nothing intimate, just friends. So I guess that helped.
Sighing, I didn’t want to make an appearance so I sacrificed my favorite latte and just went to a different café across the street.
Earlier I mentioned that I wouldn’t confront, and I stay true to my words. I didn’t ask him. In fact, I forgot about it, again.
The fourth, fifth and sixth time happened all in one week.
It was quite odd, three dinners every other day out of a seven day week?
We had our own credit and debit cards so I didn’t speak a word on his financial decisions, but I found it slightly incredulous on why he would be going out so much.
On the fourth day, he told me it was a company dinner.
The fifth day he told me an old friend came and he wanted to catch up.
The sixth time it happened, I asked.
“You’ve been going to an awful lot of dinners. Don’t you want to save some money?” I joked.
Heeseung laughed, but it was more like a huff of air coming out of his mouth. “These people, I swear.”
“So, who is it this time? If you don’t mind me asking.” It was more of a naive question, I was just curious.
“Ah well.. another friend came by again. Y’know, the weather’s nice.. and Seoul’s a great city!” Now that I come back to it, he just made it up on the spot. But of course, due to my obliviousness, I didn’t notice his poor excuse.
“That’s great! Well.. have fun!” I smiled, slightly uncertain.
And then it was just the two of us again, for the third time that week.
I guess due to my stress of the unfinished project I had at work that week, I failed to realize how many times Heeseung came home late.
Jiwon asked me, “Papa? Daddy’s been coming home late.. and so are you. I wanted to play Barbie with you..”
It was supposed to be an innocent question, but it still made me halt. At that point, I just felt bad for Jiwon and hugged her.
“I’m sorry Jiwon-ah, work has been quite stressful for Papa this week but i’ll make it up to you with an ice cream date this Friday, how does that sound?”
Jiwon smiled and nodded. At her cuteness, I ruffled her hair and we both had dinner with Heeseung coming back home in the middle of Jiwon yapping about how someone fell at school.
“Sorry I’m late! Got held up at work.” Heeseung smiled. He set his coat away, took off his shoes and sat in the third chair that had been empty for a while.
Thankfully, he didn’t smell of any other perfume. But, he never smelled like another perfume afterwards as well.
Sometimes we had sex, but not like how we used to. We still had passion, but it wasn’t the same. We were just so exhausted from work and the daily stressors, we didn’t go far like we always used to go.
And then it just slowly happened.
Heeseung came home more late, sometimes didn’t come home at all. But I didn’t mind, cause he gave excuses, and I fell for it. But then I also realized, how much we drifted apart and how I didn’t see him the same anymore.
After a month or two, Heeseung called me.
“Hey, I’ll come home early tonight. Let’s talk after Jiwon’s in bed.”
“Alright, sounds good. I’ll make your favorite ramen tonight.” I replied.
“Great, bye.” And he just ended the call like that. No ‘i love you’, no ‘babe’. Just, bye. It kind of hurt me, and it just fed my reasons even more.
I didn’t want to believe it at first. But I did.
“We’ve been drifting apart.” Heeseung started, sitting next to me on the couch.
“Yeah, i’ve seen.” I replied, wanting to let Heeseung speak more.
“I guess we’re not the same anymore, Sunoo. I love you, so much.. but you get it, right?” Heeseung looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. The same look after our first kiss in the bathroom.
God no, I didn’t get it, but I still nodded. A part of me knew that this was going to happen and that I felt the same way too, but the other half was in shock.
“Should we fix this..?” I asked, with a twinge of hope on restarting my love for Heeseung.
Til he revealed it.
“Sunoo.. i’m sorry.” His expression shifted, into a more regretful one.
“What do you mean? What are you being sorry for?” I awkwardly chuckled. I didn’t grasp it yet, what he meant.
“This is all my fault.”
“N-no? What-“ I furrowed my eyebrows.
“I cheated on you.” He dropped.
“Oh.” Was all I could muster. I felt tears forming, I wanted to—no—needed to break down. I saw it coming, yet I didn’t do anything.
“Sunoo, please, wait,”
“We didn’t have sex, or kiss.. I just love him.” Heeseung looked away, because if he looked at Sunoo he knew he was going to regret everything.
Sunoo buried his face in his hands, incredulous.
“Just let me explain,”
I let you, every time. When have I interrupted you?
“Those dinners, we’re with him. Jake. I was going through stuff, at work.. and he really helped me. I just felt like I could tell him everything.. he knew about our marriage but I swear, he never had those intentions. It was me. I loved him first.”
How could you just tell me that? You know i’m emotional and sensitive as fuck, and now you tell me you love someone else? Couldn’t you have said it in a more.. nicer way? A way to not hurt my feelings?
Damn you, Heeseung.
“But what about us? Heeseung. I love you so much, and you love me too. And now you’re saying you love someone else? This doesn’t make sense.” I spluttered, staring at Heeseung who was looking at his lap, avoiding eye contact with me.
“Sunoo, i’m sorry. It’s really different.. and you saw it too. We haven’t been the same and that.. we can’t fix it anymore.”
“But we can try! I loved you for the past decade.. and this is what you tell me?” I wanted to dump Heeseung’s head in a bucket full of ice water. To get some sense out of him. I still didn’t get it, I was in denial.
“Sunoo! You saw it too.”
I did.
“So what if I saw us not being the same anymore?! What about Jiwon, our daughter that we made.”
“We can co-parent,” Heeseung suggested. “It’s fine if you have her more than me.”
“Okay but, does Jake feel the same way?” How foolish of me, of course he would’ve!
Heeseung barely nodded. “He loves me.. as much as I love him.”
I let out a breath that I didn’t even know I was holding.
I felt heartbroken. Like my guts were spilled out on the table. Like I took a bullet for someone that was unrequited.
And then I let it slip, a tear.
Heeseung noticed and immediately took me in his arms.
He hugged me like I was so precious, like how he did before any of this, even Jiwon happened. Like we were in high school again and we were just teenagers in love.
Once I calmed down, we talked.
More thoroughly, letting our emotions take us and let each other know how we feel.
I fully realized that I actually needed this. Someone who’s willing to give me 100% of their love. Because even if we drifted apart, and we had the chance to fix it and go back, we both knew that we weren’t destined to stay together forever.
The talk we had really made me aware of the situation we got ourselves into. We were just idiots, making stupid decisions too early. I got pregnant at twenty-two, which is really young and considering how I’m nearing my thirties in a few years just made me fathom how foolish we were.
So, after telling Jiwon in a way where she thinks that her world will not be ending—and in a way so she can understand that it’s for the better, we signed the papers, waited for our trial and ended our marriage.
Instead of having a dramatic exit, or blocking each other. We smiled, knowing.
We chose to stay as friends, and to help each other when we take Jiwon. Heeseung told me that he’d much rather prefer Jiwon be with me most of the time, but he did get a room for Jiwon in his new apartment.
“Good luck, Heeseung. Grow old with him.” I genuinely smiled. I meant it.
“You too, Sunoo. You deserve so much better, go get someone who’ll love you 100% and forever.” Heeseung smiled as well. The smile that I’ll always remember, and will have to let go.
Though our marriage wasn’t a happy ending, we both ended it happily.