Chapter Text
Sunday 28th June
[Unknown]
(09:31) Unknown: Hello, number neighbour!
(09:36) Megumi: What are you on about.
(09:36) Unknown: New phone so I'm sending messages to make friends
(09:36) Megumi: Why?
(09:36) Unknown: Thought it would be fun
(09:36) Megumi: Ok.
(09:36) Unknown: My name's Itadori Yuuji and I'm thirteen
(09:37) Megumi: You should not be sharing that information to me.
(09:37) Megumi: I could be a serial killer or a rapist.
(09:37) Unknown: Are you?
(09:37) Megumi: No.
(09:37) Unknown: Well that is what a serial killer would say.
(09:38) Megumi: I suppose so.
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[Family Meeting]
(10:23) Tsumiki: Any1 need anything Im @ the grocery store
(10:24) Gumi: Cherry pepsi
(10:24) Saturo: Gummy worms
(10:24) Tsumiki: What a healthy family we r
(10:24) Tsumiki: Gojo can you transfer me ¥100 for the gummy worms
(10:26) Saturo: Okie dokie
(10:26) Tsumiki: Holy shit y the fuck did u give me ¥100,000
(10:26) Saturo: Can you get me a packet of tictacs as well
(10:27) Gumi: And me. Mint ones plesse.
(10:27) Tsumiki: Will b hom @ 5
(10:27) Saturo: Teaching until 6, will leave a key under the plant pot
(10:27) Tsumiki: K
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[Unknown]
(10:58) Unknown: Im so bored and my frends are all busy
(10:58) Unknown: Talk to me please, Stranger
(10:58) Megumi: Why are you still contacting me?
(10:58) Unknown: Hey I thought we had an eternal bond
(10:58) Megumi: I'm afraid I didn't feel that, Yuji. Our three minute conversation has not stuck to my mind these two hours.
(10:59) Unknown: Heart shattered and on the floor. Bleeding out.
(10:59) Unknown: Not an understatement
(10:59) Megumi: I'm sure that it is not.
(10:59) Unknown: Whyd you talk like your straight out of pride and prejuduce
(10:59) Megumi: This is just how I talk, Asshole.
(10:59) Unknown: Wow, hes fiesty
(10:59) Unknown: Or she
(10:59) Unknown: Or they
(10:59) Unknown: Or xe?
(11:00) Unknown: I don't know any others
(11:00) Megumi: He is fine.
(11:00) Unknown: Awesome sauce :)
(11:00) Megumi: I'm genuinely scared for your friends and relatives.
(11:01) Unknown: My mum and dad are dead lol
(11:01) Megumi: My mother and father are dead too. I think.
(11:01) Megumi: But I've got a father figure who makes me call him dad so.
(11:01) Unknown: Isnt being an orphan fun?
(11:02) Megumi: I am concerned for what goes through your brain before you type.
(11:02) Unknown: I think teeheeheehee and then click send
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[Family Meeting]
(11:02) Saturo: Why is Megumi giggling at his phone
(11:02) Saturo: I can see him on the cameras
(11:02) Tsumiki: Since when did we have cameras wtf
(11:02) Gumi: Gojo stop looking at me or I'll tell Nanami and you'll have to listen to another one of his lectures.
(11:03) Saturo: That is an empty threat
(11:03) Saturo: Because I know for a fact that Nanami would not take time out of his busy corporate job to lecture me
(11:03) Saturo: I have used that as an excuse before
(11:04) Saturo: I miss Nanami
(11:04) Gumi: We know.
(11:04) Tsumiki: u vent 2 us far 2 often then u need 2
(11:04) Saturo: Well sorry for trying to dhare my emotions!
(11:05) Tsumiki: You spelt share wrong.
(11:05) Saturo: Well you smell like foot cheese
(11:05) Tsumiki: Probably just ur breath wafting back in2 ur face
(11:06) Gumi: Very mature guys.
(11:06) Tsumiki: Y thank u Gumi bear
(11:06) Gumi: Never call me that again.
(11:06) Tsumiki: I am not agreeing 2 that if its the last thing i do
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[Unknown]
(11:08) Unknown: Hello?
(11:08) Unknown: Person?
(11:08) Unknown: Did I lose you for a sec there?
(11:08) Megumi: Sorry, got distracted.
(11:08) Unknown: By my amazing personality and humour
(11:08) Megumi: No.
(11:09) Unknown: Are you sure?
(11:09) Megumi: Yes.
(11:09) Unknown: But are you
(11:09) Unknown: HIV postitive?
(11:09) Megumi: There is no way that you have just quoted South Park to me.
(11:10) Unknown: YOUVE SEEN SOUTH PARK?!
(11:10) Megumi: Like most of it.
(11:10) Megumi: It's a very popular show. I don't know why you're surprised.
(11:10) Unknown: Sorry Im just shocked that someone like you watches comedy programs
(11:11) Megumi: What is that supposed to mean?
(11:11) Unknown: You seem like the kinda person whose favourite show is an old man drama
(11:11) Unknown: Like breaking bad or bodies
(11:11) Megumi: ...
(11:12) Megumi: My favourite show is Breaking Bad
(11:12) Megumi: And it was my sister who made me watch South Park.
(11:12) Megumi: God, do I have old man taste?
(11:13) Megumi: I'm literally fourteen I'm not an old man
(11:13) Unknown: Hey I bet we're in the same grade!
(11:13) Unknown: Maybe you go to my school!
(11:13) Unknown: What if we know each other in real life?
(11:14) Megumi: I doubt that.
(11:14) Megumi: I go to school in Tokyo.
(11:14) Unknown: I go to school just outside Tokyo what!?
(11:15) Megumi: We should not be sharing this information with each other.
(11:15) Unknown: Eh itll be fine
(11:15) Megumi: I think I'm going to go for a walk in a bit, text you later, Yuji.
(11:15) Unknown: Okay bye Stranger
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(16:47) Unknown: How was your walk
(16:49) Megumi: Have you just been waiting to text me that for almost five hours?
(16:49) Unknown: Well yeah I wanted to know how it went
(16:50) Megumi: Oh.
(16:50) Megumi: Well, it was very pleasant.
(16:50) Unknown: Thats good.
(16:50) Unknown: What are you having for dinner tonight?
(16:50) Megumi: Whatever my sister brought home from the grocery shop today.
(16:51) Megumi: Probably a microwave meal or instant ramen because we're both too tired to cook this evening.
(16:51) Unknown: That sounds foul
(16:51) Megumi: It's not too bad.
(16:51) Unknown: One day I will teach you how to cook something.
(16:51) Megumi: I can cook, you know?!
(16:52) Megumi: But what about you, what are you having to eat tonight?
(16:52) Unknown: My grandad just got discharged from the hospital so tonight I'm making us my signiture dish
(16:52) Megumi: Which is?
(16:53) Unknown: Meatballs.
(16:53) Megumi: On their own?
(16:53) Unknown: No, with spaghetti and cheese of course
(16:63) Megumi: Sounds scrumptious.
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Monday 29th June
[Family Meeting]
(05:35) Gumi: What time are we leaving @Saturo ?
(06:12) Tsumiki: Y tf were u on ur phone at half five ?
(06:13) Gumi: Been up since five.
(06:13) Saturo: Absolute psycho
(06:13) Gumi: You can't call your children psycho.
(06:17) Gumi: WHY DID YOU PUT THAT ON YOUR STATUS?
(06:17) Saturo: I feel like a mama hen whos just given birth
(06:17) Tsumiki: Its 2 erly to deal w this
(06:17) Gumi: Hens don't give birth, they lay eggs idiot.
(06:17) Saturo: Hush my child, i birthed you
(06:17) Gumi: Petition for a new father figure
(06:18) Gumi: STOP PUTTING SCREENSHOTS ON YOUR STATUS.
(06:18) Saturo: Heehee
(06:18) Tsumiki: R we getting bus in2 schl or r u gona mak us walk?
(06:18) Saturo: I'll drive you
(06:18) Gumi: No.
(06:18) Tsumiki: Absolutely not.
(06:18) Saturo: Whats wrong with me driving you?
(06:19) Gumi: You can't drive very well, Gojo.
(06:19) Saturo: That is just not true
(06:19) Tsumiki: Last time u drove us 2 schl u hit one of th yr7s.
(06:20) Saturo: Very lightly touched the year seven is the phrase that I prefer
(06:20) Gumi: You were going 30 in a 15 and he was in the hospital for two weeks.
(06:20) Saturo: Very lightly touched is the phrase
(06:20) Gumi: HE NEEDED TWELVE STITCHES!!
(06:20) Saturo: 🫣not my fault
(06:21) Tsumiki: If we let you drive us will you stop
(06:21) Saturo: Sure
(06:22) Gumi: No Taylor Swift.
(06:22) Saturo: Just because youre going though an emo phrase does not mean we have to endure your my chemical romance and linkin park
(06:23) Gumi: Stop calling it a phase. It's not a phase.
(06:23) Tsumiki: I am so using this against u in a few years.
(06:23) Gumi: Whatever.
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[Unknown]
(09:02) Unknown: School is not schooling atm istg
(09:04) Megumi: Oh no someone taught you abbreviations.
(09:04) Unknown: Oh yes ik all the abbs now
(09:04) Megumi: Nobody calls them that.
(09:04) Unknown: Alr mr grumpy pants
(09:04) Unknown: Still cant figr out how to change my name tho
(09:04) Megumi: Go onto the chat settings, then your profile, and lastly on change name.
(09:04) Unknown: Where's chat settings?
(09:05) Megumi: I'll do it.
(09:05) Megumi: What would you like to be called?
(09:05) Unknown: Lightning rider king
(09:06) Megumi: Yuuji it is.
Megumi has changed Unknown 's chat name to Yuuji
(09:07) Yuuji: Good enough.
(09:07) Yuuji: I can't see your name though it just says unknown
(09:07) Megumi: Only i can see my name on this chat since I haven't changed it and it's set to private.
(09:07) Megumi: I don't want to tell you my name, Yuuji. I'm sorry.
(09:08) Yuuji: That's fine! I'll just have to think of a nickname for you.
(09:08) Yuuji: How about Stranger for now tho
(09:08) Megumi: Ok.
Megumi changed their name to Stranger
(09:10) Stranger: Can you see it?
(09:10) Yuuji: Nope :(
(09:10) Stranger: Oh hang on.
Stranger made their chat name public
(09:13) Stranger: How about now?
(09:13) Yuuji: Horrah!
(09:13) Stranger: Now who's Mr Darcy?
(09:13) Yuuji: Oh please, I'm clearly Bingley coded
(09:13) Stranger: I see.
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(11:48) Yuuji: I simply cannot endure physics anymore, Stranger you must distract me
(11:48) Yuuji: Strangerrrrr
(11:51) Yuuji: King
(11:51) Yuuji: Strat strat stranger
(11:51) Yuuji: Stranger bo banger
(11:51) Yuuji: I dont know the rest
(12:01) Stranger: Sorry, was in principles office.
(12:03) Yuuji: Oooooooo someones in trouble
(12:04) Stranger: It was about my high school choice.
(12:04) Yuuji: Oh where are you going?
(12:04) Stranger: Some private boarding place my dad went to.
(12:05) Yuuji: Dad or father figure
(12:05) Stranger: Father figure. But if he asks, I never call him dad.
(12:05) Yuuji: My lips are sealed.
(12:06) Stranger: Take it to the grave.
(12:06) Yuuji: That is an oath
(12:06) Stranger: So, how was physics?
(12:06) Yuuji: Thee WORST subject in the world.
(12:06) Yuuji: Why the frick did I think it would be a good idea to take it ??
(12:06) Stranger: Why did you take it?
(12:06) Yuuji: Doctor Who (David Tennant)
(12:07) Stranger: I've never seen it.
(12:07) Yuuji: Youve never lived you mean
(12:07) Stranger: What's it about?
(12:07) Yuuji: A time lord who travels through time and space with a companion.
(12:08) Stranger: That's Catherine Tate isn't it?
(12:08) Stranger: She's in The Office
(12:09) Stranger: My sister is always watching it.
(12:09) Yuji: Your sister has great taste.
(12:09) Stranger: She likes Billie Eilish and Chappell Roan though.
(12:09) Yuuji: I do not take back my previous statement.
(12:10) Stranger: You should.
(12:10) Yuuji: You just dont understand my level, Stray stray
(12:10) Stranger: What the fuck.
(12:11) Yuuji: Language.
(12:11) Stranger: I'm rolling my eyes.
(12:11) Yuuji: I'm sure you are.
(12:11) Yuuji: My lessons about to end but I'll txt you in a bit.
(12:11) Stranger: Ok, Yuji.
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(14:53)Yuuji: Lunchbox tour - rice balls, carrots and a packet of crisps.
(14:53) Stranger: Oh i've got some chicken stir fry that my sister made in food tech last week, an apple, a yum yum and some gummy worms that I stole from my dad.
(14:53) Yuuji: Very quick reply, are you not yapping to your friends?
(14:53) Stranger: I only have a few and they're in the year above me, so they've left my school now.
(14:54) Stranger: I'm just revising for my enterance exam.
(14:54) Yuuji: For your posh boy private school?
(14:54) Stranger: Precisely. But I'm confused so I'm taking a break to eat.
(14:55) Yuuji: What are you confused on, maybe I can help
(14:55) Stranger: Uh- it's on a sport that I'm taking as an extra curricular there.
(14:55) Yuuji: I take phys ed whats the sport
(14:56) Stranger: Jujutsu.
(14:56) Yuuji: You mean jujitsu?
(14:57) Stranger: Yes, sorry. Misspelling.
(14:57) Yuuji: Shocking, a spelling mistake is very unlike you, but Im afraid I cant help with that, Ive wouldnt know where to start. I just do football, cricket and baseball
(14:58) Stranger: No worries, I'll ask my dad when I get home.
(14:58) Yuuji: So, I dont know what to type but im bored
(14:58) Yuuji: Wanna play fuck, marry, kill?
(14:58) Stranger: Sure, shall I go first?
(14:59) Yuuji: okay!
(14:59) Stranger: Fuck, marry, kill - Gerad Way, Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Lawrence
(14:59) Yuuji: That's so easy and boring
(15:00) Yuuji: Fuck Leo, marry Jennifer (because shes my already wife) and kill Gerad
(15:00) Stranger: That was me trying to think of celebrities that you'd know so sorry if you found it boring.
(15:00) Stranger: You go if you're so brilliant and entertaining.
(15:00) Yuuji: Im thinking be patient
(15:02) Yuuji: Okay, ready?
(15:02) Stranger: Ready as I'll ever be.
(15:02) Yuuji: FMK - Izuku Midoria, The Human Earthworm and the number 7.
(15:02) Stranger: What the fuck.
(15:02) Yuuji: What?
(15:02) Stranger: That is the weirdest combo ever.
(15:03) Stranger: But I suppose I'd marry Izuku, fuck 7 and kill the earthworm.
(15:03) Yuuji: You sure you wanna fuck 7?
(15:03) Stranger: Not anymore, why?
(15:04) Yuuji: Well because yknow
(15:04) Yuuji: 7 ate/8 9
(15:06) Stranger: I am very close to blocking you
(15:06) Yuuji: You say that but I bet you just spent the last two and a half minutes laughing (pls dont block me :( )
(15:07) Stranger: I did not.
(15:07) Yuuji: I wont tell anyone if you did
(15:08) Stranger: Well I didn't, so.
(15:08) Yuuji: Sureeeeeee
(15:08) Yuuji: Okay I now order you to revise for your posh boy private school enterance exam
(15:08) Stranger: Ok, Yuuji. Enjoy the rest of lunch.
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[Don't Answer]
(16:03) Don't Answer: Why did I just get an email from your teacher saying youve beaten up another child
(16:03) Blessing: I didn't beat him up.
(16:03) Blessing: He just fell into my fist that's all.
(16:03) Don't Answer: Get off your phone in class mister
(16:03) Blessing: YOU MESSAGED ME FIRST?!
(16:04) Don't Answer: Do not raise your voice at me young man.
(16:04) Don't Answer: Just answer me this,
(16:04) Don't Answer: Did you win?
(16:04) Blessing: I feel inclined to answer but I think that your reaction would be the incorrect one that a parent should have.
(16:05) Blessing: Yes I won.
(16:05) Don't Answer: That's my boy!
(16:05) Blessing: I was right.
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[Yuuji]
(16:10) Yuuji: What are your aspirations in life
(16:10) Stranger: It is four pm on a monday, you cannot seriously be asking me this.
(16:10) Yuuji: I was wondering what to pick as my career choice but now thinking out it, I actually probably shouldnt put wizard
(16:10) Stranger: That would probably be smart, yeah.
(16:11) Yuuji: What did you put for yours?
(16:11) Stranger: Translator
(16:11) Yuuji: Ooo what languages do you speak
(16:11) Stranger: Japanese, French, German and English.
(16:11) Yuuji: Nerd alert
(16:11) Stranger: So rude, Yuji.
(16:11) Yuuji: Wohhhhmp wohhhmp
(16:15) Yuuji: I think I'd like to be a wizard though
(16:15) Yuuji: How fun would it be yknow?
(16:15) Stranger: You have no idea what you're talking about.
(16:15) Yuuji: Oh and you do
(16:15) Stranger: The school I'm going to is sort of a wizard spy school with martial arts.
(16:16) Yuuji: Are you joking?
(16:16) Stranger: Yes.
(16:16) Yuuji: Oh, would be funny if you were though
(16:16) Yuuji: Omg i could apply as well and we couldve been wizard friends
(16:16) Stranger: Wizard friends?
(16:16) Yuuji: Yeah like Harry Potter and Ron Weasley
(16:16) Stranger: Ok then, Yuji.
(16:16) Stranger: Now do your application form for school!!
(16:16) Yuuji: So rude, Stranger.
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(17:52) Yuuji: Movie director!
(17:54) Stranger: I feel you're energy suits more to that than a knockoff Gandalf.
(17:54) Yuuji: You think :(
(17:54) Stranger: Sorry, I'm sure Misss Cackles and Mr Majeka are looking for new students.
(17:54) Yuuji: Its alr, but im bored from all this writing
(17:54) Yuuji: Distract me stranger
(17:54) Stranger: What subjects did you take?
(17:54) Yuuji: Thats so boring
(17:54) Yuuji: But I took astronomy, phys, bio, geog, pe, food, french
(17:55) Stranger: Exciting.
(17:55) Stranger: What's your favourite colour?
(17:55) Yuuji: Red
(17:55) Stranger: Mine's blue.
(17:55) Yuuji: Ive been in trig classes more exciting than this conversation.
(17:55) Yuuji: Tits or ass
(17:55) Stranger: What the fuck.
(17:56) Yuuji: You seem like an tit guy
(17:56) Stranger: I would like to exit this conversation.
(17:56) Yuuji: Personally im an ass man but its not a deal breaker if they have no ass
(17:56) Stranger: I am going to make dinner because this conversation is making me uncomfortable.
(17:56) Yuuji: Bye girly
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(18:32) Stranger: Dinner is made.
(18:33) Yuuji: That looks amazing like Gordon Ramsey level of amazing
(18:33) Yuuji: Defo a step up from a microwave meal
(18:33) Stranger: Why thank you, Yuuji.
(18:33) Yuuji: Not gonna brag or anything but ive got jello pots so
(18:33) Stranger: That's hospital food, are you okay?
(18:34) Yuuji: Im fine but my grandad was rushed to the hospital again this morning so dinner is jello pots and vending machine chocolate
(18:34) Stranger: I'm sorry.
(18:34) Stranger: What hospital?
(18:34) Yuuji: Kameda Medical Center
(18:34) Yuuji: Stalker?
(18:35) Stranger: Serial killer.
(18:35) Yuuji: Ah
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[Toji's Rejects]
(18:34) Tsumikikiki: Get off ur fone im talking 2 u
(18:34) Tsumikikiki: Were sat opposite each other
(18:35) Tsumikikiki: Fushiguro Megumi
(18:35) Tsumikikiki: Answer when ur elders speak 2 u
(18:35) Megumimi: Let me text my friend bye then.
(18:35) Tsumikikiki: Oooooo Megumi's got a girlfriend
(18:35) Tsumikikiki: Or a boyfriend. not juging
(18:35) Megumimi: Not a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
(18:35) Megumimi: Just a friend.
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[Yuuji]
(18:36) Stranger: My sister is yelling at me to get off my phone. Enjoy your jelly pot and chocolate. Please drink some water. Sending my wishes to your grandfather.
(18:36) Yuuji: Awww you care
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Tuesday 30th June
[Yuuji]
(07:26) Yuuji: On the bus and dying why is it so hot
(07:26) Yuuji: Like its not even July yet why am i sweltering
(07:29) Stranger: Litch its too hot fr 4 real
(07:29) Stranger: Skibbidi toilet in Ohio rizz sigma alpha
(07:29) Yuuji: Did I text the wrong person help what happened to you
(07:29) Stranger: That was my sister, she thinks that she's funny. She's not.
(07:29) Stranger: But I do agree, it's too hot at the moment.
(07:29) Yuuji: Oh thank the heavens youre normal again
(07:30) Stranger: I am rolling my eyes.
(07:30) Yuji: I could sense that what the frick
(07:30) Stranger: You should've taken psycology
(07:30) Yuuji: Youre right i wouldve aced it
(07:30) Stranger: What lessons do you have today?
(07:30) Yuuji: Pe, maths, double geography and bio
(07:31) Yuuji: You?
(07:31) Stranger: Physics, literature, french, free period and computing.
(07:31) Yuuji: LOL whyd you take computing
(07:31) Stranger: I enjoyed it and it's a useful skill.
(07:31) Yuuji: Its confirmed, ur insane
(07:31) Yuuji: Are you rolling your eyes
(07:31) Stranger: Yes.
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(11:15) Yuuji: Hows your free period :(
(11:19) Stranger: So incredibly boring because I have nothing to do.
(11:19) Stranger: I've finished all my homework already so I'm playing block blast.
(11:19) Yuuji: Nerd.
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[Don't Answer]
(11:21) Don't Answer: I got ANOTHER email Megumi
(11:21) Don't Answer: Stop beating up non-sorcerers
(11:21) Blessing: But they were insulting me - which I don't care much about because I can just walk away - but then they started insulting Tsumiki.
(11:21) Blessing: So now they know not to
(11:21) Don't Answer: Because you gave three boys in the year below you black eyes
(11:21) Blessing: There was actually four-
(11:22) Don't Answer: JJH won't accept you if you keep getting in trouble
(11:22) Blessing: Yes they will, you literally work there and have accepted my application.
(11:22) Blessing: And where else will I go that will support my cursed energy?
(11:22) Blessing: You and all the other teachers won't risk me being out on my own.
(11:23) Blessing: Because I'm a descendant of the Zen'in clan I'm special and have a place already.
(11:23) Don't Answer: Stop being right youre making me look like a bad parent
(11:24) Don't Answer: The overall message is dont beat up students and instead go to the teachers
(11:24) Blessing: I will not being doing that.
(11:24) Blessing: Also I'll be late after school, I'm going to a club.
(11:24) Don't Answer: Which one?
(11:25) Blessing: Debate.
(11:25) Don't Answer: Coolio
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[Yuuji]
(17:34) Yuuji: Just got back from school
(17:34) Yuuji: I have too much homework i might sue my maths teacher
(17:34) Stranger: Very relatable, Yuji.
(17:34) Yuuji: This is when I do question whether you are a genuine human.
(17:34) Stranger: Wtf.
(17:34) Yuuji: CALLING THE RADIO STATIONS BECAUSE YOU USED AN ABB
(17:34) Stranger: Not what they're called.
(17:34) Yuuji: ARE YOU FEELING WELL IS YOUR HEARTFATE ELEVATED
(17:34) Stranger: I feel attacked.
(17:34) Yuuji: Good
(17:46) Yuuji: OMG
(17:46) Stranger: What?
(17:46) Yuuji: YOU BROUGHT ME FOOD WHAT THE FLIP
(17:46) Stranger: I thought you could do with some sustenance.
(17:46) Stranger: It's just noodle soup, Yuuji
(17:46) Yuuji: YEAH BUT YOU BROUGHT ME FOOD
(17:47) Stranger: Eat all the vegetables in the soup. Drink water. There's two portions of soup so you can give some to your grandfather.
(17:47) Yuuji: STOP YOURE SUCH A SWEETIE
(17:47) Yuuji: YOU ACT ALL TOUGH BUT DEEP DOWN I BET YOURE JUST A LIL SOFTIE ARENT YOUUUU
(17:47) Stranger: I'm practicing my Jujutsu, so I'm putting my phone away now. Enjoy the soup, Yuuji.
(17:47) Yuuji: You spelt jujitsu wrong again lol. But, thank you, Stranger.
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(23:34) Yuuji: Been busy doing homework (watch your days Mr Larsson) and talking with my grandad but your soup was fricking amazing and really cheered me up from my rubbish school day
(23:34) Yuji Youre probs asleep so i wont wake you up with the notifications but i just wanted you to know that you are the goat so yeah. Goooooooood nighhhhhhht stray stray
(23:46) Stranger: Good night, Yuuji.
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Wednesday 1st July
[Yuuji]
(00:00) Yuuji: Pinch punch first of the month
(00:00) Stranger: Happy July, Yuuji.
(00:00) Yuuji: Yo what are you doing up
(00:00) Stranger: Pot calling the kettle black?
(00:00) Yuuji: ???
(00:00) Stranger: Are you seven?
(00:00) Stranger: It means 'ironic because you're also awake'.
(00:00) Yuuji: Thank youuuu
(00:00) Stranger: No problem.
(00:00) Yuuji: What are you doing up late?
(00:01) Stranger: Nothing.
(00:01) Yuuji: That means you mustve been doing something embarrassing
(00:01) Stranger: That is simply not true.
(00:01) Yuuji: Hmmmm if you say soooo
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(06:34) Yuuji: Is my lovely darling stray stray awake yet?
(06:37) Stranger: I'm awake from five everyday. Finished my exercise by six. Dressed by half six. Breakfast eaten by quarter to and I've left by seven - if I'm walking to school. If I get the bus I leave at ten past seven and if my dad is driving me we've left by quater past seven and he's been arrested for hitting something/one by half past.
(06:38) Stranger: Sorry just dumped my morning rountine.
(06:38) Yuuji: That is so organised amazing
(06:39) Yuuji: My day is not that structured I wish
(06:39) Yuuji: Its kindof giving autism in a nice way
(06:39) Stranger: Been checked. No autism here but my sister is not convinced.
(06:39) Yuuji: Slay
(06:39) Stranger: Do not bring that language into our chat, Itadori Yuji.
(06:39) Yuuji: Slay queen skibbidi sigma alpha beta ohio rizzler
(06:40) Stranger: You remind me of a millenial.
(06:40) Yuuji: Youve just crossed the line
(06:40) Stranger: My deepest apologies, Yuuji.
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[Family Meeting]
(08:29) Saturo: Checking the cameras to make sure that nobody was disobeying me overnight and found this.
(08:29) Saturo: [VIDEO]
(08:29) Tsumiki: HELP Y IS HE STYLING HIS HAIR EMO
(08:29) Tsumiki: & @ MIDNITE HELP
(08:29) Tsumiki: That is my clawclip, Megumi bear
(08:30) Gumi: Delete this, now.
(08:30) Tsumiki: U were using my hot brush 2 style your hair like we r in 2005.
(08:30) Tsumiki: And in the living room as well.
(08:30) Gumi: No I wasn't.
(08:30) Saturo: Yeah more 2001-2002 ish
(08:30) Gumi: I hate this family.
(08:31) Tsumiki: No u dont
(08:31) Gumi: No I don't.
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[Yuuji]
(08:45) Yuuji: Fifteen minutes left of literature. Status: dont know if i will survive
(08:45) Stranger: It cannot be that bad.
(08:45) Yuuji: You like literature?
(06:45) Stranger: Yes?!
(06:45) Stranger: You don't?
(08:45) Yuuji: Fricking bane of my existance
(08:45) Stranger: Do you like reading?
(08:45) Yuuji: I prefer movies
(08:46) Stranger: You are wrong.
(08:46) Yuuji: :(
(08:46) Stranger: I'm in biology so life is swell.
(08:46) Yuuji: Now youre really just rubbing it in
(08:46) Stranger: 🤷♀️.
(08:47) Yuuji: What is that?
(08:47) Stranger: An emoji?
(08:47) Yuuji: Its just a question mark in a box
(08:47) Stranger: What phone have you got?
(08:47) Yuuji: NOKIA105
(08:47) Stranger: Yeah you won't be able to see emojis on that, unfortunately.
(08:47) Stranger: But here's what it looked like.
(08:49) Stranger: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(08:49) Yuuji: Thats coooool omg howd u do that
(08:49) Stranger: Just text art, from a website.
(08:49) Yuuji: Awesome
(08:49) Yuuji: What phone do you have?
(08:49) Stranger: iPhone 16 pro max
(08:49) Yuuji: Omg youre rich
(08:49) Stranger: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(08:50) Yuuji: Ten minutes left
(08:50) Stranger: Amazing.
(08:52) Yuuji: Stray stray? you didnt leave did you???
(08:55) Stranger: Teacher came round to grade my work sorry.
(08:55) Yuuji: Ueughhhh
(08:55) Stranger: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
(08:55) Stranger: Five minutes gone though.
(08:55) Yuuji: Slowest five minutes of my life fr
(08:55) Stranger: And I am forever sorry and in debt to you.
(08:56) Yuuji: You should be
(08:56) Stranger: Well I'm sorry, but my bio work needed to be marked.
(08:56) Yuuji: Did you get it right?
(08:56) Stranger: We had to answer three six mark questions.
(08:56) Yuuji: And?
(08:56) Stranger: I got eighteen out of eighteen.
(08:56) Yuuji: OH YES MY BOIIIII
(08:56) Stranger: Never refer to me as that ever again.
(08:56) Yuuji: :(
(08:57) Stranger: Hang on teacher's coming round.
(08:57) Yuuji: Your teacher pays too much attention to you
(08:58) Stranger: No he doesn't, he justs likes to make sure that we're working well. And I think he can tell that I'm on my phone...
(08:58) Yuuji: Lol
(08:58) Yuuji: Right I am packing up now, ttyl stranger
(08:58) Stranger: I finish at 8:15 so enjoy period two, Yuuji.
(08:58) Yuuji: Will do, Stray stray
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(10:15) Yuuji: Murdering my teacher, wanna help?
(10:19) Stranger: I'll get the shovel.
(10:19) Stranger: Why are doing this again?
(10:19) Yuuji: Gave us homework due tomorrow (cheat sheet) and revision for an exam in four days
(10:19) Stranger: Poison or strangulation?
(10:19) Yuuji: Wow you might actually be a serial killer
(10:19) Stranger: Can I not just be a fan of crime dramas?
(10:20) Yuuji: Oh you definitely listen to true crime podcasts and watch documentaries.
(10:20) Stranger: This is spookily accurate.
(10:20) Yuuji: Its a gift
(10:20) Stranger: I suppose it is.
(10:20) Yuuji: Omg hes giving us an exam based assessment for some 'extra work'
(10:20) Yuuji: Mr Dyer I can tell you right now that i will not be doing that and will be respectfully you can shove it up your hole <3
(10:21) Stranger: Violent, I like it.
(10:21) Stranger: What is it though?
(10:21) Yuuji: French
(10:21) Stranger: Send me a photo and I'll give you all the answers so you can get extra credit, if you want.
(10:22) Yuuji: My very own Google translate, I feel honoured.
(10:22) Yuuji: [FrenchHW.png]
(10:23) Stranger: I'll do it during my free period if I'm not given any homework this lesson.
(10:23) Yuuji: You get given alot of free periods
(10:23) Stranger: They're not free periods so to say-
(10:23) Stranger: Just lessons that I am exceeding in, therefore do not need to attend.
(10:24) Yuuji: Are you skiving?
(10:24) Stranger: That is another name for it, but I prefer the term 'lessons that I need not to attend'
(10:24) Stranger: Because why the fuck is it necessary for me to attend compulsory philosophy or core phys ed?
(10:24) Stranger: Whoopdie doo! I'm not a racist. Huzzah, I can sprint a mile. Are these skills useful to me out of school? Of course. Do I need to have phys ed every day? No fucking way.
(10:26) Yuuji: I love pe
(10:26) Stranger: You are a strange creature and have never had to change in the girls' changing rooms.
(10:26) Yuuji: Why do you change with the girls?
(10:26) Stranger: Y'know
(10:26) Yuuji: I don't know and am confused
(10:26) Stranger: I'm ftm.
(10:26) Yuuji: Still confused
(10:26) Stranger: I'm trans
(10:27) Yuuji: Oh cool
(10:27) Stranger: You don't care?
(10:27) Yuuji: Why would i?
(10:27) Yuuji: It doesnt change my view on you
(10:27) Yuuji: Youre still a human
(10:27) Yuuji: Right?
(10:27) Stranger: Yes, I am still a human.
(10:27) Yuuji: Good cus otherwise id be confused how you got a phone on mars
(10:27) Stranger: I-
(10:27) Stranger: Ok. I'm going to do my work now.
(10:27) Yuuji: See you later Mr Transformer
(10:27) Stranger: Nope.
(10:27) Yuuji: Bye Stranger
(10:27) Stranger: Better.
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[Family Meeting]
(11:03) Saturo: Will be late home youll have to walk sozzles guysssss
(11:03) Saturo: Something about a faculty meeting? Heard theres gonna be biscuits though so Im going
(11:05) Tsumiki: Ur a literal child
(11:05) Gumi: Miki, I'm going to violin class after school. Will not be meeting you by the gate.
(11:05) Tsumiki: Rnt u gradethousand in violin y r u going 2 a class ???
(11:05) Gumi: Tutoring a girl in the year below me who's asked for help.
(11:05) Saturo: Megumi bear has a girlfriend!!!!!
(11:05) Gumi: I literally said nothing along the lines of that.
(11:06) Tsumiki: That girl defo has a crush on u
(11:06) Gumi: No she doesnt wtf?
(11:06) Tsumiki: Who is it?
(11:06) Gumi: I'm going to be totally honest and say that I have no idea.
(11:06) Gumi: It begins with an R though.
(11:07) Saturo: What a playa you dont even know her name
(11:07) Gumi: I am showing her how to play a song for her girlfriend's birthday so no, I am not a player.
(11:07) Saturo: My bad sorry bro
(11:07) Gumi: Please do not call me bro, I am your fake child.
(11:08) Tsumiki: Careful hell still put it on his status
(11:08) Saturo: I did
(11:08) Gumi: I am returning my focus to my lesson.
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[Yuuji]
(12:43) Yuuji: If I has a nickel for every time that my teacher showed up to class with no shoes on (only socks) id have 2 nickels. which isnt alot but its wird that it happened twice right?
(12:43) Stranger: I am scared for you.
(12:43) Stranger: Sending my thoughts and prayers.
(12:43) Yuuji: And they are much appreciated
(12:50) Yuuji: I think maths should be cancelled due to my teacher's feet stinking of cheese
(12:50) Yuuji: Genuinely.
(12:50) Stranger: What!?
(12:51) Stranger: Maths is so good, not even feet can put me off!
(12:51) Yuuji: Are you being sarcastic?
(12:51) Stranger: No? Maths is my favourite lesson.
(12:51) Yuuji: Why?
(12:51) Stranger: It's so easy and I sit at the back next to nobody so I just listen to music and read after finishing the work.
(12:51) Yuuji: Maths is not easy! What abt algebra and trig?
(12:51) Stranger: Algebra is literally the easiest. The only trig you need to know is sin cos and tan which you can do on a calculator.
(12:52) Yuuji: You are so frustrating.
(12:52) Stranger: Thank you.
(12:52) Stranger: I'm doing your french hw, almost finished.
(12:52) Yuuji: Holt shit really?
(12:52) Yuuji: Thank you sm this will help my average so much.
(12:52) Stranger: Are you failing or something?
(12:52) Yuuji: Only french and maths
(12:52) Stranger: I'll get a few questions wrong so your teacher doesnt suspect anything, but they'll be almost correct.
(12:53) Yuuji: Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart
(12:53) Stranger: It's just French coursework, Yuuji. You don't have to be thanking me so much.
(12:53) Yuuji: Can I buy you something for you to do my French hw whenever I get it?
(12:53) Stranger: You won't learn anything if I do all your assignments, Yuuji.
(12:53) Stranger: I'd rather you spend that money on something more important.
(12:54) Yuuji: Sure, but sending virtual tys for you are a skibbidi rizzler in my book :)
(12:54) Stranger: No, I take it back. Buy me a new coat.
(12:54) Yuji: I won't use gen alpha slang ever again
(12:54) Stranger: That shall suffice, I suppose.
(13:02) Stranger: [PHOTO]
(13:02) Stranger: [PHOTO]
(13:02) Stranger: Both sides. Enjoy.
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[Family Meeting]
(13:27) Saturo: Reminder for all to be home by five bc I have things to tell you!!!!!! stay safe 🩷
(13:27) Saturo: And Megumi pls dont hurt anyone
(13:27) Gumi: What the fuck?
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[Yuuji]
(14:01) Yuuji: Are you left handed
(14:04) Stranger: What the fuck?
(14:05) Yuuji: You just give me lefthanded vibez
(14:05) Stranger: No, I'm not. Are you?
(14:05) Yuuji: No.
(14:05) Stranger: That's good.
(14:05) Stranger: Did you know that 2500 left handed people die a year from using equipment made for right handed people.
(14:05) Yuuji: Oh! Um-
(14:05) Yuuji: Oh I've got a fun fact as well!!
(14:05) Stranger: Go ahead, Yuji.
(14:06) Yuuji: Did you know that a blue whale's fart is so big that it can enclose a whole horse in it!
(14:06) Stranger: Why do you know that?
(14:06) Yuuji: Did you know that lobsters pee out their mouths?
(14:06) Stranger: Ew.
(14:06) Stranger: Why and where did you learn these?
(14:06) Yuuji: Fun
(14:06) Yuuji: Book
(14:06) Stranger: Cool.
(14:06) Stranger: Did you know that a cockroach can live for a week without a head?
(14:07) Yuuji: Ew ew ew ew ew i didnt need to know that
(14:07) Yuuji: I'm going back to my lesson
(14:07) Stranger: Rude.
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[Family Meeting]
(16:34) Tsumiki: Whose car is in the driveway
(16:35) Gumi: Wait what I'm not home yet why's there another car?
(16:35) Tsumiki: [PHOTO]
(16:35) Gumi: Ew it's such an ugly colour.
(16:35) Tsumiki: Fr ew
(16:36) Gumi: I will give you 1000¥ if it's Gojo's new boyfriend's.
(16:36) Tsumiki: You are on.
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[Yuuji]
(18:57) Stranger: [CALLING Yuuji ]