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Fit was observing Ramon and Pac, as they chilled by Phil’s house, a white and red wood build with incredibly pretty trees that showered them in light pink leaves. It was the end of the day, making warm rays of sunshine light up Pac’s face in the perfect way to make Fit’s heart explode, the comfortable scene being completed by the distant sound of wind chimes.
The American and his family observed Richas talking with Phill across the lake, on Bagi’s dock. The British had been weird lately, with purple scars on his back, a backpack given apparently by the Federation - to which he was extremely attached - and a short temper. Fit, Pac and Bagi discussed what could be going on, the older extremely worried, not only because Phill was his best friend, but because his deadline was approaching and he did not want to be gone when his loved ones needed him the most.
As they exhausted the topic, Pac finished his thoughts: “I know he’ll be fine, he’s strong.”
Fit could not contain his smile, that could be heard in his words: “Do you know who else is strong?”
“Who?” The Brazilian asked, smiling and finally turning his attention to his boyfriend.
“You.” Fit pushed him slightly, teasing. “You’re pretty strong.” He said, ignoring the blush that crept onto his face as he felt Pac’s arm muscles tense while the black haired man pushed him back jokingly, his outfit - a deep blue shirt, an open and thin cardigan with its long sleeves folded, black pants and white sneakers - allowing Fit to observe a little his body type, with defined, delicate muscles - one of an archer, that proved his statement to be true.
“You’re also pretty strong. You broke me with this one.” Pac replied, still laughing.
“What can I say? But, hey, listen. I’m going to spawn with Ramon to finish my tasks and then I’m putting him to bed. I have to get some sleep myself as well.” Fit said as he rumbled his kid’s hair.
“Ok! I had a blast today with you two. Same time tomorrow?”
“Yeah! That's perfect. Does that sound good to you, Ramon?” The adults watched as the kid shook his head affirmatively quickly while also jumping, a ball of cuteness and joy in their lives. “Alright, bring it in.” Fit said as he got closer to Pac, asking for a hug.
The American was not the biggest fan of physical touch - well, at least that’s what he thought until Pac. With him, everything was natural, the proximity a need to be fulfilled and a medicine to his soul. But Fit was being more clingy than normal, and he knew it. Yes, it was a consequence of both men feeling more and more comfortable in their relationship, but the real reason was one they all knew and were ignoring: Fit’s deadline haunted them like a ghost, getting closer to them every second, Madagio’s claws scratching and marking every skin surface until they reached their necks, leaving them breathless. Every hug, every laugh, every breath could be the last. So, yeah, Fit was asking for more hugs then normal, sue him.
The only one who lived with the blessing of being unaware was Richas, who Fit saw coming back to where they were. The little kid ran to them, with his classic Brazilian shirt twice his size almost making him trip. He held firmly a plushie, a red mushroom cow that matched his hat, that was gifted to him by his father a few minutes earlier, the boy choosing to name it Letícia. Since he had gotten the gift, he could not stop staring at it, hugging the stuffed toy while he jumped from excitement. As he approached, Fit said loudly:
“Richarlyson, come in for the hug! Me and Ramon are leaving!”
“Abraço, Richas!” Pac said, already holding the oldest kid in his arms and smiling.
Fit watched as the Brazilian kid slowed down, an expression of insecurity on his face, and put one of his blue sings on the ground, writing quickly: “ME?? 0-0 ”
“Yes, you! Come closer, filho.” His father said, pushing him and making eye contact with the American, inviting him for the hug.
“Yeah!” Fit said as Richas gave in, hearing him take a deep breath and, in such a light way that could go unnoticed, tighten the embrace. Only a second later, the youngest boy was pushing them away, giving a light and teasing bump on each member of their little family. “Ok, Ramon, are you ready, my child?”
The oldest boy shook his head, putting a sign on the ground: “Boa noite! ”
“Boa noite, Ramon! Boa noite, Fit!” Pac said as Richas put another blue sign, writing something, while his American boyfriend and older son grabbed their waystones, starting to be consumed by the purple particles. As Richas turned, the movement made Pac’s eyes follow, getting the sign on the ground more focused and two words stood out, making the Brazilian scream: “Fit! Fit, wait!”
For a second he thought it was too late and the bald man did not hear him, but the purple particles diminished as Fit eyes focused on him again, his hand reaching for his trident and his back straightening, almost like he was ready to fight, as he asked: “What? Are you okay?”
“Yeah!” The dark haired man replied. “Richas wrote a sign for you. Look!”
Fit turned, seeing the young boy almost curl up on the spot, moving quickly to stand in front of the words and grabbing his axe, like he was going to destroy the sign.
Pac pushed him, getting an angry look from the kid, as he said: “Não, filho, let him see.”
The American finally looked at the blue rectangle with words in white, as clear as an eight year old could write: “BOA NOITE uhh PA? TIO? FIT!!! >:D”
It was almost like his heart had stopped completely. He was sure for a short moment it did, a beat lost while his brain short circuited. He wanted to cry. Actually, he could feel the tears accumulating in his eyes.
He was supposed to avoid attachments on the island. He was on Quesadilla for a job, working for a scary man - he wasn’t even sure it was a human, for god’s sake. And here he is, one more person on the only growing list of people he would die for. If you told him he would be like that two years ago, Fit would have laughed in your face. He was a mercenary, an anarchist, a machine made to fight and destroy. But somehow, his hands, once so harsh, found out how to be gentle. His heart, that used to be so cold, turned out to be full of light. His arms, one with more scars than he could count and another inhuman, made of metal, adjusted perfectly to the shape of Ramon, Pac and now Richas.
He took a deep breath, struggling to not let the tears fall, as he observed Richas standing next to the sign, his big black curls covering his eyes as the small boy looked to his feet, his tiny hands anxiously toying with his plushie. He loved the kid, that was the truth. And it made him so guilty, to feel this love, to see this sign, knowing that in a few days he could be dead. If he were strong, he would tell Pac to take care of Ramon, tell the kids he could not be a father, tell his boyfriend he was leaving now, to spare them the pain. But he was a weak, weak man. So he kneeled in front of the child, giving out his heart and soul, knowing that Pac and Ramon were watching the scene - the three bearers of his life.
“My boy.” Fit said in an almost whisper, his voice as gentle as possible. “You know we talked about that. You can call me whatever you want. But…” The kid lifted his head just a little, their eyes finally meeting. “I would be so honored to be your Pa. Well, at least one of them.” He finished with a smirk. Richarlyson jumped on him, arms tight on his neck, and as he heard a sniffle from the kid, he could not contain a few tears from running through his cheeks.
As Fit looked up, he saw Ramon smiling and hugging Pac’s leg, almost jumping in place. His boyfriend dried a few of his own tears, sniffling too: “I’m not crying, you are.” He said, turning around, making the American laugh.
Richas finally let go, placing a sign on the ground again: “Pai, can Pa Fit put me to bed? 0-0”
Pac read the sign and ruffled the kid’s hair: “Of course, Richinhas! Do you want to sleep in my house today?” The younger boy agreed with his head. “Ok. Do you want me to go too?”
The blue sign quickly appeared: “NO, IT’S PA FIT ”
“Okay, I see how it is!” The Brazilian replied, with the dramatic voice he loved to use. “You raise them from birth, for years, and then a new dad shows up and you’re replaced. I see, but it’s oka- AI , Richas!” Pac stopped as his son gave him a light punch on the knee, Fit and Ramon laughing.
“Okay, okay, troublemakers. Ramon, let’s put your brother to sleep, what do you think? Then I'll put you to bed.” The older kid jumped while running around, clearly happy. “Let’s go then, your old man needs some beauty sleep too. Go to Pac’s house, you two!”
As the children got their waystones and were covered by the purple particles, Fit turned around, staring at Pac with an easy smile. The Brazilian connected their hands, his thumb doing circles on his boyfriend’s knuckles, while his other hand cupped his face, a light touch caressing his cheekbone.
“Are you sure this is okay?” Fit asked, worried.
“Of course it is, Fitch. Ramon started calling me pai even before we got officially together. And I’m sure you’ll be a great father for Richas, you deal with Ramon so well. They are a bit different, of course, but I’m sure you can handle it.”
“Yeah… yeah, okay.” Fit took a deep breath, praying for anyone that would hear to make him survive the next few days, to make him live long enough to prove that Pac was right, that he could handle it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said as he was covered by the purple particles of the waystone.
— ⇹ —
Fit entered Pac’s house still a little lost in his thoughts and found many blue and white signs, Ramon and Richas clearly talking. As soon as he got in the room, the kids rushed to destroy them, making Fit raise an eyebrow. “What were you two plotting?” The kids only answered with wide smiles, trying to look innocent, which only made the scene look ten times more suspicious. Fit sighed. “You know what, I’m not even going to ask. Richas, are you ready to sleep?”
The Brazilian ran closer to him and wrote: “YES >:D I’M PUTTING PAJAMAS ”
“Do you need any help?” The boy signaled a “no” and went to the elevator, going to the underground bedroom Pac had. “If you need help let me know!” Fit said a little louder, hoping the kid would hear.
In just a few minutes, Richas was back in the living room, wearing a creeper shirt, exactly like the one Mike had, and blue shorts with a pattern of yellow pac-men. He looked like a perfect pocket sized mixture of tazercraft and Fit’s heart could explode again.
“Huh, I wonder who your parents are, Richas.” Fit said with a smile as the Brazilian turned to show the outfit. “Ramon, can you wait here, my boy?” He got up, seeing his son sit patiently on Pac’s blue sofa, walking with the younger kid to the elevator.
As they got down, Fit started walking towards the big bed in the center of the room, with many pillows and a blue mattress that made the man want to lie down and have some sleep himself. As Richas approached the bed, Fit caught a glimpse of the little cow plushie on a corner of the room.
“Are you not sleeping with Letícia, Richas?” The adult asked. He saw the kid hesitate, almost shy, as he stared at the stuffed toy. “You know there is nothing wrong with it, right? Here, I’ll grab it for you.”
He hated the island sometimes. Richas was an eight year old, why on earth would a kid be so afraid to act childish, to enjoy playing, to be free. All the children had to grow up so fast, his own baby boy struggling so much to just be a kid - something that Pac helped tremendously with and, for that, Fit would be eternally grateful. He would do anything in his power to make sure every single one of them would have the best childhood possible, and if that meant sleeping with a mushroom cow plushie, so be it.
Fit gave the toy to Richarlyson, who grabbed it tight while he sat down on the edge of the bed, putting down a sign: “Pa Fit, can I tell you something? It’s a secret, you can’t tell anyone 0-0 ”
“Of course, little one. Tell me.” He watched as the kid placed his signs:
“Pai Pac is my favorite dad. YOU CAN’T TELL ANYONE!!! I think we are very similar. Can you promise me you will take care of him? ”
The American, once again, felt an ache in his chest. “That’s very sweet, my boy. Don’t worry, I’ll always be there for him, and for you too, Richarlyson. You’re part of my family now, filho . Did I say that right?” He smiled, as the boy shook his head in an affirmative motion so quickly he thought the boy was going to break his neck.
“Ok. Do you want a song to sleep? I can sing the one Ramon likes. Pac also sang him a lullaby in Portuguese, I’m going to learn it soon, I promise.”
As he was speaking, a blue sign appeared: “YOU SING TO RAMON? PAI PAC NEVER SINGS >:( “
“Oh, is that so?” Fit laughed. “I’ll talk to him, don’t you worry. Are you ready?”
As Richas got comfortable, Fit diminished the lights of the room, leaving only the fairy lights Pac loved, a cozy atmosphere created.
“Ok, here we go! My voice is not good, so you can’t laugh.” The American poked him, the kid giggling. He sang in a soft tone the song Ramon asked for every night: “La cabeza, me duele la cabeza, la cabeza, necesito un doctor.”
Richarlyson looked at him with his eyes heavy, the sleep clearly catching up to him, but even then, his pupils reflected a light so bright, like Fit had hung the stars in the sky. The adult smiled, caressing his head, as he whispered: “I’ll be home. If you need something you can go there, it’s your house too. Boa noite, filho.”
He reached the elevator, appearing in the living room and seeing Ramon curled up on the sofa, his eyes softly closed and his breathing heavy. As Fit picked him up, leaving Pac’s house to walk the short distance to the shitshack, he wondered how he got so lucky. His baby boy adjusted himself in his arms, a content sigh escaping his mouth.
When they reached their house, Fit helped Ramon change into his pajamas, a long sleeve white set, with a pattern of little brown gears. He sat the kid on his bed and gave him his meathead plushie, which was instantly snuggled.
“Are you ok my boy? How are you feeling after today?” Fit asked.
“Good! Richas is so cool ” Ramon answered in his white sign.
“I think so too. Is it okay for him to call me dad? You know you’ll always be my number one priority, right, my child? If anything, and I mean anything , bothers you, you let me know.”
Another sign appeared: “Yes! It’s fair, I call Pac pai all the time ”
“You’re such a good kid, Ramon.” Fit said honestly, his voice pouring adoration. “My baby boy, made in heaven by god himself.” He laughed as a light shade of red spread through his son’s cheeks, ruffling his hair. “Are you ready for your song?”
He sang one more time the well known lullaby, Ramon falling asleep fast. As he got ready to get some sleep himself, he could not avoid the same doubt creeping into his thoughts, making him roll in bed anxiously. He replayed the whole day in his head, wondering what he should have done differently, trying to decide if he was selfish or just weak, but never landing on a conclusion. Eventually, the sleep caught up to him, when some light rays of the morning sunshine could already be seen, one day closer to his deadline.
— ⇹ —
“Ramon! Richarlyson! Can you come down please?” Fit yelled to the kids playing upstairs.
A few months later, the Rose family was having a chill day in their relatively new house. The day was cloudy and cold, a light rain pouring since the morning making it perfect to stay in. Pac was sitting on a big blue couch, a green blanket around him, drinking a cup of coffee. Fit walked towards him, two wrapped packages in his hands, as they heard the kids running down the stairs.
Their new house was really comfortable, being built by Pac in the last month. He had mentioned to Fit and Ramon, a long time ago, about how he wanted to move closer to their friends, live around the pond Bagi, Philza and some others settled: “It’s going to be cheaper and we can see everyone more, you know?”. However, he decided that he would only move if the American and their son followed. Ramon was a bit apprehensive, suggesting maybe they could have a room in Pac’s for a sleepover, an idea Fit loved - for no specific reason, of course.
But, on his deadline, Fit was taken by Madagio, and all the plans changed. After weeks stuck in a hole full of corpses, a rescue mission led by Pac and all the trauma both men and their kids went through, everything was put on hold. It was very hard, the worst experience of Fit’s life. He was kind of used to the terrible conditions of the place, he lived on 2b2t after all. However, the hard part was not the lack of food or water - even though he had to do things to survive he could not talk about until today -, or the danger of the uncomfortable and dark cave. No, that was easy compared to the psychological torment he put himself through.
He knew, from the very beginning, that he would pay a price for being weak. For falling in love, tearing down the walls he painfully built over the years. And as he forced himself to hold his cries in that damn prison, knowing that he could not waste a drop of water in his body, he hated everything. He hated Madagio, Quesadilla, himself, the world and whoever created it. The only thing he could not hate was his family. Every time he would come close to the thought of blaming them, his mind would be suddenly empty, the hate towards himself ten times stronger.
He replayed every scenario in his head, wondering what he could have done differently. He regretted not doing so many things: not kissing Pac, not telling Pac that he loved him, not waking up more to see Ramon, to get to know Richas better. In a paradoxical way, he also regretted doing so much: getting too close to them, being honest about his feelings, putting their boys through a pain he knew would be impossible to avoid. He let Richas call him “pa”, Ramon call him “dad”, Pac call him “Fitch”, knowing damn well that this was his destiny. And this side of him - emotional, raw, weak - was his Achilles' heel, one that did not exist on 2b2t and could never be buried again.
When Pac finally arrived, with Bagi, Philza, Tubbo and Mike, Fit thought he was finally dead, seeing angels. The recovery was hard, his body was so fragile from the lack of food, Fit cried from how hungry he was and Pac sobbed trying to explain why he could not eat more. His prosthetic had to be almost completely rebuilt, and it took months until they all were able to talk about what had happened, each member of their family traumatized in an individual way.
So when Fit was having a hard time getting out of bed and Pac was in need of a project to pass the time and burn some energy, he finally started building the new house he wanted. It wasn’t anything gigantic or too fancy, a white and blue wood house, with a dock and a few benches for fishing, a cozy living room connected to a small but functional kitchen, two bedrooms for the kids, the main bedroom that Fit and Pac now shared, and a backyard with lots of space for their picnics and farms. The planning and building was good for all of them, something to focus and talk about when the days were especially hard.
The initial plan was for Fit and Ramon to keep living in the shitshack, Pac visiting sometimes, but the new house was so cozy that as the weeks went by, the American and his kid spent more and more days without going back to their old base. The presence of Pac and the closeness to their friends helped make the house a home, and they finally decided to move in. Richarlyson did not spend every day there - he had lots of parents to see - but every now and then, he would show up for a sleepover.
Now the two kids were running to the sofa, still in their pajamas, throwing themselves at Pac. The adults were also in a more cozy outfit, with baggy sweater pants, the Brazilian in a black sweater with pac man ghosts on the sleeves and Fit with the classic blue pac-man hoodie he stole from his boyfriend.
Richas placed a sign: “O QUE FOI? 0-0 ”
“We have something for both of you! Sit down, here.” Pac said as he patted the sofa, the boys sitting with their legs crossed, watching their parents with wide eyes. “So, Ramon, remember how a long time ago we talked about me adopting you?” The kid shook his head affirmatively. “Well, at the time I said I wanted to throw a party, right? It’s an awesome thing, and we still want to have a celebration, right, Fitch?”
“Yes. One for you and Richas, and to celebrate me and Pac being together too! A party for our family.” Fit said with a smile, the kids excitedly shaking their heads.
“But, you know we’ve had a… how can I say? Some rough months, yes? And now we are living together and we are a family already, but we wanted to make a surprise for you. A gift from me, to Ramon.” Pac said, looking to Fit.
“And one from me, to Richas. Kind of an official adoption, well, at least for us. We know it doesn’t matter really, you are both our kids, but we thought it would be cool.” Fit concluded, as the kids jumped on the sofa with excitement.
“Ok, ok, calm down!” Pac said laughing. “Ramon, sit down. Here. This is my gift for you, filho.” He handed the kid a package wrapped in brown paper, giving the kid a kiss on the forehead. Ramon quickly tore the wrapping apart, revealing a brown tool belt with many pockets. There were lots of patches decorating the object: a yellow pac-man, a blue trident, a mustache, a mushroom cow, and many other details that revealed parts of Ramon’s personality and represented his family.
“What do you think? I made it by hand so don’t look too closely, ok?” Pac said laughing.
“YOU MADE IT? ” Ramon said through his sign.
“Of course! Only the best for my kids. You have been helping me so much with the create machines lately, so I thought it would be useful.”
Another white sign appeared: “I LOVE IT! Muito obrigada pai”. Ramon ran to give Pac a hug, sting on his lap as he examined every inch of the belt.
“Are you ready for your gift, Richas?” Fit asked, laughing when the boy started jumping. He gave the kid a small box wrapped in red paper that was quickly destroyed by Richarlyson. “Be careful, my boy.” As he warned, the kid handled the gift more calmly, opening the package and finding a mug, clearly handmade, that was red with white spots on it, just like a mushroom cow pattern.
“QUE FODA!!!” Richas sign said, after a few seconds looking at every detail of the mug.
“I also did it by hand, so it’s not the best, you know? But I wanted to make something related to mushroom cows, since they are obviously your favorite.” Richas ran to sit on Fit’s lap, mirroring the position Pac and Ramon were in. “But also because, every time I see one of them, or I see you holding Letícia, I remember the first time you called me “Pa”. That day was very special to me, my son.” Fit finished, ruffling the kid’s hair, while he punched him lightly on the shoulder, clearly embarrassed.
“We are very lucky to have such great kids, right, my beloved?” Pac asked, looking to their little family with all the care in the world, their little safety net stronger than ever.
“Yes, yes we are.” The American answered, his voice quivering slightly, as he tried to burn this day into his brain, to never forget the peace of this moment, every detail, smell and sound that made his home the way it was. “Now, what do you say we make some hot chocolate so you can use this mug, Richas?” The kids started jumping around, running to the kitchen as Pac and Fit laughed, looking at each other and intertwining their hands.
The American allowed himself to get lost in his beloved’s eyes for a moment, the domestic scene spreading warmth through his whole body. Maybe he was weak, and this moment of peace was temporary, and soon some other challenge would reach them, his love, only growing the more he knew Pac, Ramon and Richas, a flaw the world knew about, something to be used against him.
But right now, this love was the power that kept him going everyday, the fuel to his soul. And maybe that was the beauty in love: to give out your heart, willingly and without expecting nothing in return, loud and without reserve. Knowing that it could hurt, that it might kill you, but doing it nonetheless. And, for some miracle, having this sacrifice being reciprocated, learning that others would do that for you too, just because they loved you.
He was ready to die for Pac, for Richas and for Ramon. But more than that, he was ready to live for them and with them, until the last beat of his heart, and that was enough.