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Osoji, the thorough house cleaning that many Japanese people performed every December, meant many things to Mejiro McQueen. As a child, it had been a marker of her growing body and mind. As a racer, it was when she began to deliberate about her plans for the next year. And as a maturing young woman, it was a chance to treasure the things that mattered to her and to say goodbye to the clutter.
To Tokai Teio, Osoji was an opportunity to buy more Symboli Rudolf merchandise.
“Ooh, ooh! And this one!” Teio reached into the large bag on her bed and pulled out a poster of Rudolf drawn in sweeping brush strokes. “This is the first print run of this poster, when the artist got the order of the medals on her right lapel wrong. A nice old lady sold it to me for real cheap!”
“Don't you already have the corrected version of the art?” McQueen asked.
“Yeah, but this one is limited edition. Not even Agnes Digital has it.”
McQueen hadn't even known that Agnes was a collector. “Was there anything else exciting?”
“Let me see…” Teio stuck her head into the bag and looked through, with more care than she exhibited for her own training gear. “Wait, this is the best one!”
She showed McQueen a dog-eared, carefully sleeved racing magazine with Rudolf emblazoned on the cover. “This was the only edition of Horse Girls Monthly I was missing from her classic year. Isn't she so cool?”
“She… definitely is,” McQueen said tepidly.
“I know! I'm so glad that I—” An alarm went off on Teio's phone. “Oh shoot, training's soon. Can you put this stuff back in my bag for me? Mayano has been getting on my case about it.”
“Of course.”
Teio bounced up from the wrinkled covers and gave McQueen a small kiss on the cheek. “See you later, Queenie!”
Then she dashed out of the room, leaving McQueen disconcertingly alone.
McQueen was still recovering from last year's injury and wasn't training on a daily basis yet, but she'd gone down to the turf that day to discuss an upper body regimen with Trainer-san and to test how her leg responded to jogging. Afterwards, she'd gone to Spica’s office afterwards to hang out with the team. Mostly she had just wanted to see her friends, but there was a second motive nagging at her mind: Teio had volunteered to help hang decorations in the Tracen auditorium for the yearly Christmas assembly at Rudolf's request, and wasn’t there today.
McQueen glanced around the… homely shed they were all in, which had been decorated with a few limp strands of tinsel in anticipation of the holidays. Gold Ship was solving an uncomfortably large Rubik's cube as Special Week watched, Vodka and Scarlet were bickering about the contents of an alternative fashion magazine, and their trainer was looking for the cheapest possible tickets for next year’s summer camp while drinking hot chocolate. It seemed as good a time as any for McQueen to ask the question that had been slithering around in her mind.
“Do you all know why Teio likes Rudolf so much?” she asked.
Everyone looked at her with varying degrees of confusion.
“I mean, she's one of the only umamusume who’s won an undefeated Triple Crown,” Vodka said. “It's hard to get cooler than that.”
“Yes, but most people don't spend their weekends waiting around outside of their role model's office to ambush them,” McQueen said.
“Which Teio definitely still does,” Scarlet said.
“Have you not asked her yourself?” Special Week said. “She is your girlfriend, after all.”
“Yeah, only God knows what you two have done in the showers after practice,” Vodka said.
“We’ve done nothing like what you’re implying,” McQueen said with a small blush.
“Okay, okay, my bad. But still, you two have been dating for half a year. Can’t you just ask her?”
McQueen tugged on a strand of her hair. “She just says that she saw her race once and realized that she was more impressive than anyone else. That doesn’t seem to explain the intensity of her passion.”
“Teio isn’t great with words,” Scarlet said.
“Not like you’re much better,” Vodka quipped.
“Shut it.”
“Teio always wanted to be just like Symboli Rudolf,” their trainer said, firm enough to cut off Vodka and Scarlet’s potential bickering. “That’s why we decided to do the Triple Crown in her classic year. But she hasn’t been as obsessed with her since the Arima Kinen.”
The stuffed Rudolfs sitting on Teio’s bed every night said otherwise. “I’m not sure how true that is.”
“Are you jealous?” Special Week asked.
Something in McQueen’s gut tightened. “There’s nothing wrong with having a role model, and I don’t think Teio’s feelings about Rudolf are unhealthy or getting in the way of our relationship. But I just… don’t understand it.”
“You should just ask her,” Gold Ship said as she held her finished puzzle up to the light. “Don’t let it fester like old taiyaki.”
Was Gold Ship being… straightforward? McQueen was surprised, but still found herself reluctant for some undefinable reason. “I’m probably just obsessing over nothing.”
“You do seem like the type to get way into Osoji,” Scarlet said.
“Y-you don’t know that!”
“Ooh, this is soooo exciting!” Mayano Top Gun said as she sat down across from McQueen in the Tracen cafeteria, her eyes lit up almost uncomfortably bright. “I've never had lunch with Teio’s super-mature girlfriend before!”
McQueen recalled them having lunch plenty of times before, but the girl probably meant that they hadn't eaten alone before, which was true enough. The girl’s presence seemed to match her fiery hair in both intensity and fickleness, and McQueen struggled to understand people who put their energy into unimportant things.… Although Teio did that sometimes too. Still, her girlfriend had grown remarkably during her time at Tracen, and McQueen marveled at how aware and considerate she was now compared to even the last year.
Right, conversation. McQueen smiled at Mayano. “I am surprised it hasn’t happened yet, either. We both spend plenty of time with Teio, don’t we?”
“We sure do! But even so, you can always tell me if you want to be alone with Teio for… grown-up stuff, hehe.”
Mayano gave her a catlike grin, and McQueen could feel Christmas lights glowing in her cheeks. “I don’t think that will be necessary.”
“Whatever you say, McQueen!”
Mayano began to dig into her lunch, which featured several star-shaped cookies and a dearth of vegetables. McQueen nibbled at a piece of okra as she struggled to articulate what she wanted to say. McQueen had specifically chosen today to talk to Mayano, since Teio was currently coaching a recreational racing league for younger umamusume, so that she could ask Mayano about Teio’s adoration for the student council president. But at the same time, she didn’t want to make the girl think that she was somehow worried about the state of their relationship, because she wasn’t. She’d have to take a subtle approach to the—
“So you wanted to ask about Teio and Prez, yeah?”
McQueen’s eyes bulged.
“There’s no rumors going around,” Mayano said. “Teio just bought a ton of sweet Symboli Rudolf merch, and I figured you might have questions.”
“I see.” At least there were no rumors being spread about the two of them, then. “Do you know Symboli Rudolf well?”
“Not personally, but Teio used to tell me all the juicy info about her, so I’m an expert by now, ya know?”
“Not particularly.”
“Fair enough.” Mayano turned to look at the snowflakes billowing around outside the cafeteria. “I think it was kinda just a perfect storm, you know? Little Teio-chan had a lot of energy and nowhere to send it, and seeing someone like Prez race gave her something to chase after.”
That didn’t seem quite right to McQueen. “But Teio has so many of her own accomplishments now. Why would she be so infatuated with someone when she can stand on her own two feet?”
Mayano rubbed her chin. “You didn't have someone you idolized as a kid, did you?”
The question caught her off-guard. “I admired plenty of people in my family, and I certainly had umamusume that I loved to see racing. But I didn't have a specific person I held up above the rest.”
“Well, imagine you like somebody just as much as Teio does, and then wham, you get to meet them and spend tons of time with them! You'd probably like them even more.”
“Is it really that simple?”
“That's definitely a lot of what's going on. Maybe not everything, but…” Mayano shrugged and bit into a marshmallow. “Those are the Mayano Top Gun deets! Take ‘em or leave ‘em.”
And McQueen wanted that to be enough. She told herself it was enough, that Teio was allowed to have a role model, that Teio was an attentive girlfriend who made more than enough time for McQueen, that her hands felt as warm as they always had when they were walking around the city together.
And it was enough for a few days—until McQueen saw Teio and Rudolf walking into the dining hall a few days later with shopping bags in their arms.
Teio skipped over to McQueen when she saw her, leaving Rudolf behind with a wave. “Hey, Queenie! What's for lunch today?”
“Roast beef and potatoes. It appears they're dedicating extra care to our food before the holiday break.”
“Ooh, American style! Sounds yummy. Although speaking of yummy, I got us something!” Teio scattered tissue paper onto the floor as she reached into a gift bag and pulled out a box of daifuku. “Prez said these are some of the best, so I was thinking we could eat them together sometime.”
“That does sound lovely. Although…” McQueen felt her leg tense up. “Didn't you say that you were only going with Prez to help her find some last-minute supplies for the assembly later today?”
Teio pressed her fingers together awkwardly. “That was the plan, but I maaaaay have weaseled my way into doing some gift hunting with her. She’s way too nice to me, you know?”
“I thought we were supposed to go shopping together tomorrow.”
“And we still will! There were just a couple things I wanted Prez's advice about. Promise!”
And McQueen believed her, and they did go shopping tomorrow, and Teio was as wonderful as she always was. But with every smile McQueen formed, the seed in her chest sprouted and swelled until she could hardly breathe.
The dark oak door to the student council office seemed to be made of firmer stuff than McQueen was. Her hand froze as it rose to knock—surely she was about to waste someone's time or make a fool out of herself. But something still gnawed at her lungs. So she knocked.
“Come in,” Symboli Rudolf said.
The room was lit only by a single lamp at Rudolf's desk. Most of the students at Tracen had gone home for the holidays, including the rest of the student council. Rudolf, singularly dedicated as she was, remained at work, sifting through paperwork and survey forms with her reading glasses on. Through the tall windows, McQueen could see snow falling and clumping on the ground—the dirt tracks would likely freeze up if this continued.
“Hello, McQueen,” Rudolf said, putting her fountain pen aside as she looked up. “I wasn't expecting a visit from you.”
“I wasn't expecting to visit,” McQueen said stiffly.
Rudolf nodded but didn't say anything.
“If I'm interrupting your work, I can—”
“Something is clearly bothering you, McQueen. That's more important than any work I might have at the moment.” Rudolf smiled. “Please, say what you need to say.”
Another pang, but she nodded.
Mejiro McQueen did not consider herself to be a particularly eloquent person. She had a larger vocabulary and more polite speech patterns than many of her peers, but she was no master of the art of speech. She simply tried to say what she thought was best at that moment. And it was at times like these, when she didn't know what was best, that words truly eluded her.
“I find myself… feeling unsavory things when I see you interact with my girlfriend,” she began. “I do not believe you are doing anything wrong, and you seem to have been a positive influence on Teio in every way. But I don't understand why she feels so strongly about you. And with that lack of understanding comes…” She tugged on her coat sleeve. “Whispers in the back of my head. Doubts and jealousies. And I was hoping that you could explain what I don't understand, to help me quiet the whispers.”
The room was quiet. Symboli Rudolf stood and turned around to face the windows, her cape hanging on her chair’s armrest.
“Do you consider yourself lucky to have been raised in the Mejiro family, McQueen?”
The question seemed tangential at best, but McQueen knew that Rudolf never spoke without purpose. “I do,” she said. “While the pressure to meet my family’s expectations could be overwhelming at times, I was also given the support I needed to thrive, and blessed with relatives who understood my drive to race. I would not have been able to reach my potential without their support.”
“Then you have something that Teio lacked.”
“What do you mean?”
The snowfall had intensified slightly.
“You know that it is rare, but not impossible, for an umamusume to be born as the child of an ordinary human. This was the case for Teio. And while her parents were generally loving and attentive, they did not understand her desire to run, and never tried to. When presented with their singularly talented daughter, they treated her dreams as the fleeting whimsy of a child, instead of the burning desire that they were.”
McQueen had never heard anything like this. “How do you know this?”
“Teio has never said as much to me outright. But in my position, I’ve often had to discern the troubles nipping at students’ heels without the benefit of context. For example, Teio’s parents were on a cruise during her Japanese Derby win. They had bought the tickets during Teio’s junior year, even though Teio had repeatedly expressed her goal of becoming a Triple Crown horse girl.”
“But the Derby is a once-in-a-lifetime race! Anyone should understand that, if only from the media attention it receives.”
“And yet they didn’t.” Rudolf sighed. “We horse girls come to learn that not everyone wants to run like we do. I believe this lesson was learned doubly by Teio, who not only discovered that her passion was unique, but that there was nobody in her life who understood it. Even her peers as a child would not have dreamed of soaring as high as she reached.”
“So when Teio saw you racing at the Derby…”
Rudolf turned around, and her cape seemed to glow in the light for a moment. “I was the first person that she had met who understood her fervor. My kind remarks to her after the Derby became her foremost inspiration, and it somehow sustained her until she met her peers at Tracen.”
“Because nothing could stop Teio.”
“Nothing at all.”
McQueen’s shoulders sagged as the only possible conclusion made itself apparent. “You’re like a third parent to her, aren’t you?”
Symboli Rudolf… blushed. “While our relationship isn’t entirely analogous to that of parent and child, there are undeniable parallels. If a parent is meant to be an aspirational figure for the child, then yes, I suppose it would be fair to say as much.”
“What a fool I’ve been, then.” McQueen found one of the many chairs in the room and sat down in it. “Jealous of a parental bond. What will I do next, fire my family’s wet nurse?"
“I doubt that will become an issue.” Rudolf took the chair next to her, and put a hand on hers. “You’ve confronted your feelings with grace and maturity, instead of letting them define your relationship with Teio. Such consideration is rare among all people, let alone your peers.”
“And yet the whispers are still there.” She gripped her knees tightly. “I envy Teio’s ability to be carefree sometimes. She’s fought harder than the rest of us, of course, but the small things seem to bounce off her like pebbles on the track.”
“We all have different struggles.”
“I guess we do.”
McQueen heaved out a long sigh, but her chest still ached.
“If you don’t mind me asking,” Rudolf said, “is there anything specific that prompted you to visit me?”
“I suppose it was Teio’s shopping trip with you the other day. Such a small thing, and yet…”
To McQueen’s surprise, Rudolf smiled. “In that case… Well, I won’t say anything specific. Just pay attention to what Teio does in the next few days. You might be surprised.”
Was there something she knew that McQueen didn’t? McQueen wanted answers, but assumed that there was a good reason that the president was being vague. “I’ll do my best.”
Teio pulled McQueen up the stairs leading out of the subway station and to the base of the Tokyo Skytree, her eyes glowing with the Christmas lights. “Oh my gosh, it looks so pretty!”
McQueen had to agree as she took in the sights. The plaza was lit almost to bursting by countless small strands of stardust and lined by small booths selling knickknacks and hot chocolate. The Skytree itself hung above with a beautiful red hue, with a few snowflakes skating through the air around it.
“I haven’t been to the Skytree for Christmas before,” McQueen said. “I think I regret that.”
“Ooh, I didn’t know that!” Teio said as they began to weave through the crowd. “I picked it because it had the most places to sit out of any of the markets I knew, but if you haven’t been, then it’s even better.”
“Places to sit?”
“Yeah, in case your knee starts acting up. I didn’t want your injury to ruin the holiday, right?”
McQueen hadn’t even thought to plan ahead that way—she had just hoped the brace on her leg would keep her steady for the night. “That’s… wonderful, Teio. Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.” Teio spun on her heels as she sniffed the air. “Ooh, I think I smell waffles!”
They began to weave through the rows of stalls, following the flow of the crowd. Teio bought her hot chocolate, mug and marshmallows included, to keep her hands warm while nibbling on a honey-coated waffle and looking at every souvenir that caught her attention. Occasionally Teio would ask McQueen to explain the history of a type of decorative horseshoe or why German people liked sausages so much, and McQueen would get to explain with a proud smile. By the third question, she realized that Teio was deliberately choosing questions that she would know how to answer, but she pretended to not notice. She did enjoy teaching her, after all.
Once McQueen drank the last of her hot chocolate, Teio finished her waffle off in a single bite and took her to get a refill and a churro. Teio then dipped her own half-eaten churro into McQueen’s drink. “Trust me, it’s delicious,” she said as McQueen raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t doubt you, but did you really need to bite into it before dipping?”
“Ah, whoops!” Teio put a hand behind her head and grinned. “Not like we haven’t done worse before, though.”
“That’s not the point!” she stammered.
Teio was right, however—the hot chocolate soaked into the churro and made it decadently soft, and the cinnamon sugar added a high note of sweetness into the drink afterwards. She continued eating as they walked by a nativity scene and stands lined with Christmas tree ornaments. McQueen reached out to grab a hand-carved wooden reindeer, then held it up in front of Teio. “This reminds me of you.”
“Because I can fly?”
“Because your nose is very red at the moment.”
Teio’s hand shot up to her nose with a blush. “Prez said the same thing, but it's just a little chilly. Jeez.”
Her breath caught. She had almost forgotten about the whispers in the soft winter night. The fleeting desire to kiss her girlfriend's nose turned rancid in her stomach.
Teio didn't fail to notice her frowning. “Are you okay, dear?”
“Just… a little tired, that's all. Do you know where we could sit down?”
“Oh, yeah! There's a few tables this way, I'll take you.”
Teio led her to a bench near a set of stairs. She sat down and watched the LED lights on the steps flash a sickly green.
“Feeling any better?” Teio asked after a few minutes.
McQueen watched her breath sag in the cold air. “Have you ever had a bad mood that you couldn't shake, Teio?”
“A couple times, yeah,” Teio said, looking up at the Skytree. “You ask it to go away and do all the happy stuff you can, but it sticks to you like old chewing gum.”
A couple years ago, Teio might not have known what that was like. McQueen was so proud of her. But that wasn't enough, still. She wanted to scream.
Teio put a hand on hers. “We can go home if you need to, alright? I won't force you to have fun or anything. But… I do have something I want to give you, if that’s okay.”
“Of course.”
Teio reached into her bag and pulled out a long black jewelry box. McQueen immediately recognized the crest on the lid. “Teio, this seems expensive.”
“Maybe a little bit,” Teio said sheepishly. “But I've been saving up my money from the kids’ coaching job for something like this. So my wallet's fine, don't worry. Just open it!”
“I didn't get you anything nearly as—”
“I said don't worry,” Teio said, pressing the gift into her hand. “No expectations or anything, okay? I just wanted to make tonight a little extra special.”
“If you're sure.…”
Then McQueen opened the box and saw the most beautiful necklace imaginable.
The cord was a gleaming sterling silver. A tasteful silver brooch hung in the center of the box, shaped in a perfect oval without ostentation. And in the center was a masterfully faceted amethyst.
“This is why you took Rudolf shopping,” McQueen whispered.
“It might’ve been,” Teio admitted. “I’d never bought something like this before, and I was freaking out about the length, size, cut—basically everything. But Prez just told me to get the gift that spoke to my heart. And, well…” She blushed. “This one matched your eyes.”
McQueen exhaled more freely than she ever had.
She closed the jewelry box and put it on the bench beside her. She ignored the whispers, because the whispers had never really mattered, had they? Then she gave Teio a look. “Don’t fall off.”
“Huh?”
McQueen grabbed her by the collar and pulled her into an adoring kiss.
She only released Teio when they were both panting for breath. Teio looked like she had just run the Derby again. “Wow.”
“You say that every time, you know.”
“Th-that’s not… Do I actually?”
“Most times.” McQueen kissed her again. “You chose a perfect gift, dear. Thank you.”
“I’m really, really glad you liked it. Although, um…” Teio scratched at her cheek. “Could I put the necklace on you? I want to see you wearing it tonight.”
“That sounds perfect.”
Teio pulled the necklace from its case and pulled it around McQueen’s neck, hands brushing against her violet hair as she secured the clasp. The jewel hung over her coat and shone with the brilliance of the Christmas lights around them.
McQueen leaned in and kissed her girlfriend’s nose before she could pull away. “We should go buy you that reindeer ornament.”
“Do I really look like that when I’m cold?” Teio asked. “Because it’s a little embarrassing.…”
“It’s cute.”
“Well, jeez…”
They ended up buying two reindeers, one for each of them. As McQueen tucked it into her bag, she felt Teio grab her arm and cling to her while humming something.
"Cold?" McQueen asked.
"Nah," Teio said. "Just wanna be close to my girlfriend."
McQueen giggled before looking up at the night sky. "You know, I've been a little jealous of how much you liked the president. But seeing you like this, it really doesn't matter."
"Wait, really?" Teio's eyes widened. "You should've just told me. I can spend less time with her, or more time with you, or—”
“Don’t worry, Teio.” McQueen kissed her forehead. “It’s fine just the way it is.”
“Well, if you’re sure.…”
“I am.”
They resumed moving along the stalls, although neither of them were paying much attention to where they were going.
“I’m glad you understand me, you know?” Teio said after a moment.
“What do you mean?” McQueen asked.
“Well, it’s kinda hard to explain.” Teio did a long exhale. “My parents don’t really get me, and everyone on Spica tries real hard, but I think there’s some stuff they’re missing, you know? But not you. You’ve seen me at my absolute lowest, and you get it. So thank you.”
It was the most that Teio had talked about her parents in months. “I could tell you the exact same, Teio. You’ve been there for me when no one else could be.”
“Guess we’re a perfect fit, huh?”
The sentence seemed to strike McQueen in the chest and make something warm bloom inside. Tears formed in her eyes, and she rested her head on Teio’s. “I suppose we are.”
And as they walked together under the Christmas lights, she knew that she meant every word.