Archive of Our Own ^beta

Run, dodge, match, slow.

Run, dodge, match, slow.

The phrase repeated in his head like a plea, heart almost beating too loud for him to be able to hear his endless chants. He felt throbbing in his chest, very likely his heart working overtime from the overwhelming stress of the chase, the strain of the excersise on his body, and painfully restrained anger that seared under his skin.

It was the same infuriating thing all day, and frankly, he was nearing his wit's end with the team. Time after time they would lead the killer right where he would set his traps, which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't way too soon for him to have set up any of them. He tried being nice, telling them exactly how long it would take for each phase of his trapping to be completed. He would do the same thing every time, 5 minutes for him to tripwire the entryways, 3 minutes to set down his subspaces. But they would still carelessly run in, killer close in tow, when he would be in the middle of setting up his tripwires.

'They get scared too, they're trying to survive.' he tried to reason with himself many times before. Yet as mistakes grew, as they kept repeating the same thing that got him caught and killed time and time again, he stopped listening. Anger boiled into fury, his skin uncomfortable as he used every trick up his sleeve to calm himself down.

It's okay, it's almost done. Final few round of the day, just breathe.

The hell is breathing going to do? The knife in our ribs kind of stops that anyway. Stop being stupid, they clearly don't care.

Of course they do! They're just tired lately, they couldn't possibly mean to get us killed.

30 extra seconds to flaunt their skills is what we are. That and nothing more.

They've apologized, they're trying to be better but clearly everyone is exhausted.

Stop trying to empathize with them so much, do you think they'd do the same for us? No. You've see the weird looks they shoot us after every round.

I need you to breathe with me-

No. Unless we make it this round, I'm not listening to you anymore.

He stopped being scared a good while ago, the only thing keeping him up and running being pure spite. Just one round, he wanted to make it through to the end. One round only.

...

WHERE THE HELL ARE THE SENTINELS?!

They should be here by now, most of everyone was alive still. So where were they? Did they leave him out here to die? So they'd have time to hide and save themselves? It doesn't seem like something they would do. Guest had sworn to protect them, standing by his word like he did between the killer and the poor soul being attacked. But he was nowhere in sight. Chance would take any opportunity to flaunt that faulty gun of his, to be the knight in shining armor. But they weren't here. Shedletsky had made a promise, one not meant for him to know about, yet he heard it anyway. Where was he?

Usually Taph would run away from the usual survivor camping spots on the game grounds. But that was most likely happy Taph's influence, angry Taph was living up to his title and going right for them, desperate to find anyone at all. Anyone to help him, although he didn't expect them to. He'd just pawn off the killer to them, they could- should be able to handle it. Just like they've been expecting him to, as they unknowingly —or not— sealed his fate.

His day wasn't great either, so why do they get a pass? It's not fair.

They do so much for us Epitaph, cut them some slack. It's one bad day.

Their bad days are getting us killed. It hurts, in case you didn't notice.

I understand how you feel but-

If you did, there wouldn't be any additions. Enough from you. Am I not allowed to be angry?

That's not-

SLASH

Taph let out a sharp gasp as he crashed to the nearest wall, the intense pain shooting through his body disorienting him. Jason had crept closer without him noticing, giving him the best opportunity to land a slash when Taph was most distracted arguing with himself. There were many reasons Taph hated going up against Jason, and this was one of them. That unstoppable persistence.

He didn't even have time to refocus himself before a series of hits landed on him, tearing through muscle, fat and even some bones as if he was nothing more than butcher's meat. He might as well have been.

He heard the shuffling of feet against the dry soil, but it was too late for him. Showing up last second, it must've been intentional.

No, no, no. There must be an explanation, I'm sure.

Can you shut up? This whole "must be a good reason" bullshit is really pathetic, you know. It's going to get us hurt, if it hasn't already.

...

For all your trying to think about others, you don't think much about me.

Don't do this.

I will, I deserve to feel my feelings.

Fine. Just try and hold back, please.

Of course. Getting us shut away and abandoned is not something I want either.

It's something you fear.

You didn't-

I did. Just-... Just do what you must.

You're real quiet now. Hey.

...

Hey.

...

Fine, be that way.

Taph's eyes fluttered open to reveal the wooden confines of the main cabin, usually a comforting environment, now sickening contaminated by the knowledge those traitors thought of it as such too. He had to get out of there, maybe if he stayed away enough he could calm down. He didn't like being mad all the time, even though one would think otherwise upon first observations.

His body harshly flipped over, closed fist soon meeting the ground in short succession hits. Before he could think to hold back, he let his head collide with the floor once, where he kept it as he screamed internally due to inability to do so physically.

Dead. Again. Because of none other than the ever so charming gambler, Chance, who had lead Jason to Taph right at the start of the round. He had been in the middle of setting up a tripwire, and having little time to let go and gun it, that's when he got the first hit. That's when he got targeted. Chance tried yelling something at him, but by that point he was already angry enough to ignore him. The killers were not dumb, they had also taken notice of the survivors' unusual behavior, instead opting to take out the odd one out, the one who stuck to the routine.

He didn't know how much more he could handle. He didn't want to lash out, but he couldn't help how he felt either. Strong pain pierced through his head, his body temperature rising too high to be comfortable, he drew in forcefully deep breaths, but they did little against the sheer anger he felt in that moment.

He ripped his body away from the floor and headed towards his cabin. A thud landed somewhere in the room, and he heard someone try to call out, but he shut the door behind him harshly before he had a chance to process their words.

Not now. Not yet. I need time, I will get time.

The mean treatment towards his cabins door was similar to the main one's, a loud wham echoing throughout the forest as he threw it shut. He ignored the sense of fear and impending doom sparking in his stomach at the action. Once he was inside, he wasted no time in tearing through his clothes, layering down in an attempt to cool down. Cloak and robes were soon discarded somewhere away on the floor, leaving him in only his pants and shirt. They were made of thin, soft material, the former wide and flowy while the latter was hugging his skin.

It helped, surprisingly. Until someone came tapping at his cabin door, gentle yet firm knocks disturbing his peace. He felt his skin be set ablaze as it all came back to him, rage fueling every heavy step to the door. He threw it open to see three of those that were supposed to be his allies— Noob, Chance, and Guest. They jumped back as if they were zapped, some more literally than others, upon seeing him. He assumed he looked at least half as angry as he felt. Good.

"Heyyy, Taph-taph! How's it going?" Chance leaned over from behind Guest, who was standing between Taph and the other two accompanying him like some sort of shield. Are they really treating him like a threat?

"🔍🫵💭?" (How do you think?) Taph crossed his arms as sarcastically as he could, which Chance seemed to catch on to.

"Yeah, about that-"

"We need to have a conversation about your performance in the rounds today." Guest interrupted Chance, getting straight to the point. Noob seemed to shrink under Taph's gaze as he tried to analyze them, eyes lingering to every little thing and part from head to toe. Hearing Guest's words, his eyes widened impossibly wide to the point it hurt, and he felt his hands clench into tight fists, threatening harm. Whether that be to himself or others, he did not yet know.

"👆🎬? 👆🎬?" (My performance? My performance?) He couldn't believe what he was hearing, and the uncertain glances the three in front of him shared only served to make him feel worse. He couldn't take it anymore.

"🚫. 🖐️🫲🗣️🫵." (No. How about we talk about yours.) Taph started signing faster than any of them could keep up with, but he couldn't bring himself to care more than to get angry at not being understood. "❓🫵🫲? 🃏👋⛅! 🥁🔪→👆, 🚫⚠️. 🥀🟰☑️! 👆🚫🔍🫵👇." (What the hell have you guys been doing? Fooling around all day! Leading the killer to me, without a warning. And I die every single time! I cannot believe you right now.)

"🫵🏃💘👆🪤, 👐🔪👆➕🫥! 😶. 🫠!" (You guys have been running through my traps, handing off the killer to me and disappearing! Gone. Evaporated!) Taph was aggressively signing at the three cowards in front of him, it was uncharacteristic for him and they all knew— himself included. Their captor must have something to do with it, no doubt. Angry Taph is not supposed to be so far out, he hasn't been in years, it just wasn't necessary.

"Woah there, pal. Let's calm down now-" Chance tried to interject with a smirk, but Taph did not let him.

"🚫, 🚫. 👆🚫👇. 🫵🤔💀💯⛅👆? 👥9️⃣🫵🔁🤕, 🔁, 🔁, 🚫🫠." (Oh no, no. I can't take it anymore. Do you realize what dying all day has done to me? How did all 9 of you manage to make the same mistakes, over and over, time after time without fail.) He tried to bite his tongue but that was not where the words were coming from. "🤕☝️🫵💯. ❓? 🚫⏸️🔪? 🚫👥🔒🤝? 🚫💭🔁👆🏗️, 🔁🫵💬. ☝️💥." (Mistakes are all you seem to have done right today. What was that? No stunning the killer? No keeping the team together or grouping up? No being mindful about a routine I've set up, a routine you knew about. But trampled over.)

"Taph, wait, what do you mean-" Guest was starting to realize that perhaps there had been a misunderstanding of sorts, but Taph's words rained like poison water. Noob cowered behind Guest, they've never seen Taph so angry before, or angry at all now that they think about it. Chance shared that thought. Taph was usually a very chill guy, so whatever happened must've hurt him pretty bad.

"👆🫀👆🚫👐! 🤔👆💥, 🤔👇." (I felt like I couldn't do anything! And maybe it was my fault, maybe it is.) Taph's verbal assault had turned inwards, and by that point everyone was lost on what to do. It was odd, weirdly silent, yet Taph's anger only grew louder as he let everything out all at once. He stepped forward, arms raised, fingers bent aching to grip and pull at any pause, and the three survivors took a cautious step back. Something cracked in Taph's chest at the sight. "🤔👆⏩, 💯! 👆🚫➕⏳⏱️. 🤔-" (Maybe I should be faster, better! Then I wouldn't just be the extra minutes on the counter. Maybe-)

He stopped as he felt himself shut down, all emotions suddenly ripped away from him somewhere far, distant in his body. It was nauseating, guilt crept up much quicker than the anger left. He shouldn't have done that. What happened? Where was he? He knew. Did he?

"G....-ring ...n7." He could vaguely process Noob scurry away towards the main cabin. Everything was fuzzy now, blurry, in every sense but sight. Words phased in and out, he heard people speak to him briefly, but the sound made no sense. He could feel gears turn internally, but not what for, the silence was deafening. What was going on?

Sparks of fury threatened ignition, and the environment had tuned highly flammable.

Steps. More pairs than however many had left. People were gathering, that was bad.

"Hey, ki.....-t's goin- ....n?" One voice spoke, gentle, caring, or at least that's what it tried to seem like.

Someone tried to step forward, an attempt to reach him, but he was just as quick to back away. The world seemed to shift, shapes turning bolder, colors now mushing together yet still in place. He could only describe sight as an invasion in his eyes. He no longer felt real enough to exist— that was the thought that jump-started the panic.

Figures had surrounded him, people he recognized but did not know, approaching from every which way. He had to leave. Now.

"Taph!"

He snapped his head at Builderman. Who was he again? His boss, now more of a coworker. His chest ached as if he were facing a stranger. The sounds all around him were now much sharper, piercing attacking his ears with every vowel and piercing them with each consonant. Alarms started to shriek in his head. Danger. He did not know where from, or what exactly, but he had no choice but to believe them.

"Hey, pal, what's up?"

Shedletsky stood besides Builderman.

"Is everything okay?"

Elliot.

"Can everyone back away a bit?"

Someone farther behind the suffocating crowd. 007n7. Taph's breathing started to quicken, and the anger came back alongside it. That's not supposed to happen.

"Taph, are you able to- can you hear me?"

007n7, again. Closer now, when did he get here? You saw him.

"Is he okay?" "What happened?" "I think there's been a misunderstanding." "He doesn't seem that great." "What did you do?"

Voices melted together into headache fuel. They were treating him like some form of entertainment, that must be it. Something to put on display and laughed at, that's all he ever was. Their gazes were glued on him, the main attraction, all eyes focused and waiting. But something was wrong, he felt more eyes looking than he could see and count. Granted, he had to tear his own gaze away from them when eye contact became too much.

A powerful stinging sensation suddenly surged at the center of his face, and before he knew it, tears were spilling. His breathing was now entirely out of control. He had to leave. Now.

Get away. Get away. Get away.
Leave me alone.

The spectators survivors seemed to have listened to 007n7 and backed off, since he now could see an opening leading to the docks. He'd much prefer the forest, but he was grateful for anything he could get. He dashed for it, jumping over the cabin's railing since the stairs were still littered with people. The yelling grew distant as he neared the water.

"TAPH, STOP!" Guest roared, voice filled with worry. It only made him run faster.

"Let him go, Guest." 007n7 put a hand on Guest's shoulder

"But what if-" A firm squeeze.

"He won't try anything. Not like that." 007n7 sounded almost defeated, for a reason only a specific few knew.

"How do you know?" Guest was getting rightfully suspicious, but most of all he was concerned.

"We'll talk later. Just- trust me on this. I'll go see if I can help him." 007n7 let go of Guest's shoulder and headed down to the docks.

A few of the survivors tried to follow but he snipped that in the bud, telling them it'd be best if as little people approached him as possible. Guest, Chance, Two Time and Noob lingered around Taph's cabin, the former suggesting they give it a brief search just to make sure nothing bad had happened before they got there. Elliot was there too, but chose to stay outside rather than search Taph's cabin, instead watching the two on the docks from a distance. Shedletsky, Builderman and Dusekkar went back inside the main cabin, they assumed they'd be notified of anything they should be aware of.

The short walk was silent other than 007n7's racing thoughts, but he was determined to help in any way he could. Whether that meant listening, advising, or something else. He found Taph sat at the edge of the wooden dock, so visibly tense that 007 was certain he'd be in pain shortly. Taph was slouching forward, knees raised up and held close, as if he was trying to implode on the spot. 007 could've sworn he was trembling, but upon closer inspection he was definitely shaking.

"Taph, hey buddy.." 007 continued his approach with slower steps, loud enough so Taph can hear each one. Taph buried his head further into his arms, and 007 could now see that his breathing was concerningly off.

"I'm just here to check on you, and make sure you're okay." He tried to keep his voice soft, low enough to not hurt Taph's sensitive ears.

"You don't have to say anything now, I'll just sit with you until you want me to go. Okay?" He reached Taph and slowly sat next to him, far enough to give him plenty of space, but close enough for Taph to know that he was there. And close enough to see and hear that Taph was sobbing.

Way back, he had been in a similar situation, only that he was trying to comfort C00lkidd. It was pretty similar in a way that ached in his chest— young person he cares about has an emotional outburst, then has trouble regulating themselves, ending in them running away. In C00lkidd's case, he had been scared, thinking his father would scold him, or worse, leave. Seeing as Taph wasn't too keen on talking —or, well, signing— at the moment, he'd have to assume it was a similar situation, and try to comfort him as such.

'Just leave me already, I know you want to throw me away. I'm unnecessary weight on the team, I can't do anything.' Taph's thoughts ran wild.

"It's okay, you can let it out. You'll feel much better if you do. Holding back your emotions will only pile them up, so..." Gosh, it had been a while since he's had to do this. Taph turned away from 007n7, even pulling further, but did not make a move to leave. There was still an opening, a chance to hear what 007 had to say. "Nobody will judge you for crying, or for... Whatever it was that happened."

'Liar, liar, liar, liar. You're just lying to me to make me feel better, so I can go back and they can hurt me for what I did.'

'...I'd deserve it.'

Despite his thoughts, he found his body working a different way, slowly turning back towards 007.

"We all cry, it's a normal thing. Nothing to be ashamed of."

'Everything to be ashamed of. Crying if for the weak, it's pathetic.' Yet the tears flowed harsher, he felt his throat hurt.

And he felt himself lean further towards 007n7, suddenly realizing he was much closer than he thought. It wasn't himself that closed the gap, it couldn't have been... Right? He was a grown man for crying out loud, he didn't need to be comforted like a small child.

"Come here." 007n7 hesitantly opened his arms and scooched closer. Taph considered it for a brief moment, before throwing himself at 007, his hands clinging onto his shirt with a pleading grip. 007 wasted no time in wrapping his arms around the younger man, firmly but carefully squeezing him in an attempt to ground him.

'This is useless, he thinks we're being ridiculous. He's going to laugh at us.'

'But he's not.'

'...'

"Shhh, it's okay now, you're okay." 007 rubbed Taph's back in circular motions. It helped more than he'd care to admit.

'He's going to up and leave any minute now.'

"Breathe, in... then out. It will be okay." Sobs had calmed into sniffles, but there was still a long way to go. He could barely breathe.

'He'll get tired of this.'

"That's it, you're doing great." His jumpy breathing started to relax, his lungs were finally returning to normal function.

'We don't deserve this.'

"There's no rush."

'...'

"We can stay as long as you like." At some point, without Taph realizing, 007n7 had started007n7 had started to gently rock them from side to side.

'...'

'...'

'I miss being held like this.'

"There we go, feeling better?" Taph nodded, releasing a sigh he didn't know he needed. A good cry always takes a lot out of him, but he feels much lighter after. 007 did not let go just yet.

"The others will want to talk to you later, okay? There's been a misunderstanding." Taph weakly raised his head, guilt present all over his face.

"It wasn't your fault!" Taph winced by the sudden raise in volume, and 007 rubbed his back as a silent apology. "There was a meeting yesterday."

Taph's eyes widened, his head titling in confusion. This is the first he's heard of a meeting, but... it explained a lot.

"You... weren't there, were you?" Taph shook his head, picking himself off of 007, who seemed reluctant to let him go.

"❓🗣️?" (What was said?) Taph let his feet hang off the dock, it was too tall for him to worry about getting his shoes wet. True to what 007 had said, he felt much better now, everything was dull. He was... exhausted. Every part of him hurt, a side effect of dying time after time. The consequences stacked up infinitely, always against him.

"There was an experimental change in strategy. Guest thought that the killers would have grown used to our approach by now, so he suggested we try something different to throw them off." 007n7 looked out and away, towards the endless sea, butter guilt tight at him. "You must've gone to bed. We noticed that someone was missing but... We also failed to make sure everyone was up-to-date with the plan."

Taph lowers his head, gears started to turn, bringing on another headache. A sigh escaped 007, and he turned to look Taph in the eyes. He turned away, suddenly feeling way too exposed to the world, he had forgotten he removed his cloak long ago.

"I'm very sorry Taph, it was our mistake and it should've never happen." Taph nodded in acknowledgement, and 007 continued. "I'm sure the others have realized too, and they'll apologize. Is there anything specific we could do to make up for today?"

'Get yourselves killed every round for an entire day and then deal with the aftereffects... Pffft-' Taph smiled to himself, then calmly shook his head.

"Are- are you sure? Really, anything! Any food you'd like to eat, we can make it! Or snack, or- or we can go find stuff in the forest. You like doing that, right?" 007 could feel the positive shift in the air, it made his shoulders relax. Taph soundlessly laughed at his playful desperation to make it up to him. Truth was, he didn't really care anymore, the little crying fit he threw took most of the weight off his shoulders. And surprisingly, there wasn't as much pain anymore either. Maybe the company helped him forget about it, pleasant enough to ignore it.

He was a mystery, unpredictable even to himself. Though sometimes it felt as if he was the only one not understanding.

"🚫, 👆👍. 👆..." (No, I'm better. I'll just...) He was hungry, very hungry, due to not having eaten in hours. But.. all the others were probably back in the main cabin by now, and he didn't want to see them. They probably didn't want to see him either. "🛏️💤." (Go to bed.)

"Good, rest is good. You deserve it after all that happened today." 007 chuckled awkwardly. Then, most likely out of force of habit, asked something neither would've ever expected. "Do you want me to tuck you in?"

'Did a grown man just ask a less but still grown man if he could tuck them in.'

'He's not just a grown man, he's a father.'

'Guess that makes sense.'

'Do you want to?'

'You can't be seriously considering this.'

'Uuuuh, nooo... Not at all.... maybe.'

'No. Not today.'

'Aw, okay...'

007 was stunned at the words that left his mouth as if he didn't speak them. A chill ran down his spine, his eyes scanning Taph for any sort of reaction. Taph just blinked.

"Sorry, I don't know why I said that- must be a habit from... Yeah- sorry!" He scratched the back of his neck, trying to calm his nerves.

"🔍." (Figured.) Taph thought a little while, letting himself take in the moment for a little bit longer. 007 stayed.

"🫵👆⛺?" (Could you take me back to my cabin?) Taph finally asked after a few moments. He'd like to stay there a lot more, but he was tired and the pain was starting to return.

"Are you in pain? I can carry you-"

"🚫, 🚫. 🫲- 🚶👆, 👥...?" (No, no. Just- walk with me, keep company...?) Taph did not want to mention that it felt as if every part of this place was looking at him, which is partly why he did not want to go alone. He'd be safe at his cabin, but the way there made him anxious. 007 offering to carry him... He thought that was very sweet, as unnecessary as it was.

"Yes, of course!"

And that's what they did. 007n7 walked Taph back to his cabin, not minding or pointing out Taph sticking to his side, eyes jumping around with every little thing that moved. Outside, Elliot stood by the stairs. The others had long since left after assuring that nothing in Taph's cabin had or could cause harm to him. And if Taph's scissors were "borrowed", he would not realize until days later.

"Goodnight Taph. If anything happens, don't hesitate coming to me." 007 gave him a brief, secure hug before heading back to the main cabin, leaving Elliot alone with Taph.

"You..." There was a lot that Elliot wanted to say, but he understood that now was not the time for acknowledging bigger issues. "Are you hurt?"

Taph hesitated, but ultimately decided to shake his head. It did not slip past Elliot, though she let it go.

"Okay, uh" they sucked a breath through their teeth. "Okay, yeah. We... We'll talk another time."

Taph did not like the sound of that.

"If you need anything, you know where to find me, yeah?" Elliot turned, ready to leave.

Taph nodded, and threw Elliot a thumbs up weaker than he intended.

"Goodnight, Taph. See you." With that, Elliot turned entirely and left to the main cabin. Taph stood there for a second before heading inside and going to bed.

He trusted they wouldn't repeat the same mistake twice.

...or, he was too tired to make sure of it, so he just hoped so.