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Senior Year of High School.
Sure to be the best days of your teenage life. Days you could look back on with nostalgic fondness, that longing for the halcyon days of your youth.
What a load of crapola, Ranma Saotome thought to herself as she glared down at the report card in her hands.
It was practically the same results as each one from second year: flying colors in the Phys Ed classes, decent grades in the English course, and barely scraping by or outright failing everything else.
She sighed, resisting the urge to crumple the paper right then and there and throw it into the canal. She instead stuffed it into her school bag, between two notebooks. She reached upward, toying with the dark black tip of her braid over her shoulder, trying to ignore the dreadful pit gathering in her stomach.
The late-summer sun shone down above her as she walked home, casting sparkles off the water in the canal.
Last year, between The Shenanigans, Ranma had been able to scrape through with passing grades by cheating off of Akane and Ukyo’s papers. It chewed on that indomitable Saotome pride, stooping to cheating (not the “cheating” used by Anything-Goes, but actual cheating), but…
“Desperate times, an’ all that,” Ranma mused to herself as she dragged her fingers along the chain link fence, her fingertips slipping in and out of the wiring.
With the beginning of their senior year (just when Ranma had finally begun coming to terms with how good being called a girl felt, no matter the form), Ranma had been snapped up by Moriboshi-sensei in class 3-C. Apparently, Hinako-sensei had lost a bet, and Moriboshi was banking on having Ranma give his class a boost in the Sports Festival this fall. With Akane and Ucchan still back in Hinako’s class, that left Ranma feeling mighty lonely during the school day.
Not that she didn’t spend plenty of time with them outside of school and at home, anyway- it was a different homeroom, not the destruction of their friendship- but it still left Ranma in a class full of students she didn’t know that well, who were far less inclined to let her copy off of them. Not to mention being a lot slower on the uptake on the whole “Just call me a girl in either form” thing.
Not being able to join Akane and Ukyo for study sessions was a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, Ranma knew it was the sort of thing that she should really benefit from. On the other, she was always so restless and bored during them that it always wound up distracting Akane and Ucchan from their own studying, and she’d legit feel bad about that.
Which was how Ranma found herself walking home alone from Ucchan’s, after walking the two of them there, where they’d be studying together for the better part of the evening. Ukyo had sent her off with a warm okonomiyaki in a to-go box.
Thwack. Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.
Ranma scowled as a familiar, scrawny form came into view just ahead. The only other familiar face in Moriboshi-sensei’s class.
Hikaru Gosunkugi was hammering a nail into a cursed doll, nailing the thing to a tree with a look of intense concentration. A white bandage was stretched across his forehead as a bandanna, a pair of candles wedged uncomfortably between it and the sides of Gosunkugi’s head.
Apparently, as part of the deal to get Ranma, Moriboshi-sensei also had to take Gosunkugi off of Hinako-sensei’s hands. Between Furinkan’s resident amateur occultist, and the vortex of Oh-God-Make-It-Stop that had been Ranma’s life since she’d moved to Nerima, the move had made Hinako’s classroom a lot quieter during the day.
“YOWCH!” Gosunkugi yelped, drawing Ranma from her reverie. Gosunkugi hopped on one foot, waving one hand in the air as he hissed air through clenched teeth, his thumb looking very red from a misaimed hammer whack. “Mother…humper!”
Ranma snickered to herself. Maybe it was a little cruel, but after the assorted troubles the wannabe sorcerer had given her and Akane during those first few months, Ranma figured she was due a little schadenfreude.
Unbeknownst to either of them, the combination of the doll nailed to the tree with the inadvertent infliction of pain on Gosunkugi’s thumb had had a very different effect than what he’d intended.
There was a loud rumble of thunder above them, clouds forming and growing dark in the sky at a pace typically described as a Freak Meteorological Event.
Ranma’s eyes grew wide at the sound, and she reflexively looked upward. Beneath the tree, Gosunkugi matched her, looking up at the storm he had accidentally summoned.
Wow, is that cloud dropping? Ranma had just enough time to think, before realizing Oh, no, that’s rain.
Hikaru Gosunkugi was a proud self-avowed magic practitioner.
Whether he was any good at it was another matter entirely, but that was beside the point. You wouldn’t be able to pry Hikaru’s lack of occult experience or expertise out of him through torture, but it was hard to distrust your own eyes.
And what Hikaru’s eyes told him was that Ranma Saotome, the meathead jock that had wedged herself into Akane Tendo’s life, had just changed hair color, shrank down almost a solid foot, and, oh yeah, tiny detail, grown a pair of breasts.
Hikaru Gosunkugi had just watched someone physically transform in front of him, in seconds.
Magic. Actual, genuine, bona fide magic.
Just a few feet away from him, the now red-haired Ranma Saotome was glowering up at the grey sky, her hands at her sides. “Great, now my clothes are soaked. Freaking weather…”
“S-Saotome!” Hikaru stammered, his eyes wide.
At the sound of his voice, Ranma glanced back his way, a tired irritation entering her stare as she wiped water from her brow. “Ah, turds...Gosunkugi, I'm really not in the mood for yer nonsense today.”
Hikaru shook his head, not taking his eyes off of Ranma as he began to stagger closer. ”P-please, Saotome, I...I gotta...“
Ranma's eyes rolled far back enough that they were in danger of falling into her skull. ”Okay, ya skinny weirdo, if yer gonna get all ooga-booga-boobies about it...“ She raised her hands in a defensive stance, her eyes furrowing. ”Come get some, ya freak.“
”I gotta...I gotta...“ Hikaru's eyes were getting bigger and bigger as he approached, his hands open and grasping before him...
...before he flung himself forward into a respectful bow, hands clasped before him.
”I gotta know how you did that!“
There was a long, silent pause between the two of them, broken only by the rain clattering down around them, drenching their clothes.
Ranma finally broke the silence. ”Ah?“
An enormous grin spread across Hikaru's face. ”Please! That was amazing! I've never been able to pull off a shapeshifting spell like that in my life, and you did it like it was nothing!“ Hikaru hopped from one foot to another in excitement. ”To think! All this time, I've been going to school alongside a fellow warlock- or is it witch? I knew Kuno-senpai would go on and on about you being a sorcerer or something, but I had no idea he meant it!“
Hikaru began to slowly circle an ever-more-confused Ranma, examining her. ”You were able to decrease your height, change your hair color- heck, you changed your gender!“
He reached forward, clasping Ranma's hands in his own. ”Please, Saotome! I gotta know!“ His eyes were sparkling with an enthusiasm and excitement Ranma had never seen from the amateur warlock.
Her eyebrow slowly raised several degrees. ”Whaaaat's the catch?“
”No catch!“ Hikaru honestly looked a little affronted at the idea. ”Look, Saotome, I know we haven't always seen...eye to eye...“ Hikaru cringed guiltily, unable to meet Ranma's eyes for a moment. ”But it's an ancient tradition or something, isn't it? Just an...exchange of knowledge, between two minds?“
An exchange of knowledge...
Ranma's mind was cast back to the worrying report card in her bag (which, thankfully, she'd sprung for the waterproof model out of necessity).
”...I'll tell ya what, Gosunkugi.“ Ranma allowed a smirk to creep into her face. ”Gimme a hand with today's history homework, and I'll tell ya everything you wanna know.“
”Done!“ Hikaru extended his hand toward Ranma, who met it in the middle with her own as the two sealed the deal with a wet handshake.
”C'mon, I'm heading home. Promise ya won't be weird 'bout Akane when she gets home, and we can go over stuff there an' get outta this rain. I'll tell ya on the way.“
”I promise.“ Hikaru nodded, swearing himself to their agreement. The lovely Akane Tendo would have to wait for another day.
Puddles began to slosh under their feet as they headed for the Tendo home. ”So, to start off, it's actually a curse. You prolly know a lot about those, but I picked this up in China...“
“I’m home!”
Akane slid the front door shut behind her, sliding out of her shoes. She set her umbrella next to the door frame to let it dry. Outside, rain still pattered down.
“Welcome home, Akane!” Kasumi called from the kitchen. “I hope you didn’t get too rained on, out there.”
“Nah, not too bad. I’m washable.” Akane sauntered into the kitchen, briefly hugging her big sister from behind with a grin. She sniffed the air, smiling. “Do I smell hot cocoa?”
“You sure do!” Kasumi smiled, nodding toward the pot on the stove. “I made sure to save some for you. Ranma and her friend are having theirs in the living room.”
Akane paused, her hand on the pot’s handle. “Ranma and her friend?”
Kasumi nodded, her attention taken up by the ingredients for dinner on the counter before her. “I’ve never seen Ranma paying such close attention to her homework before. I’m glad she’s making new friends.”
“Huh.” Akane silently poured the hot cocoa into her favorite mug, one with small yellow cartoon baby chicks on it.
Wrapping her fingers around the mug to soak some heat in, Akane quietly padded out of the kitchen and down the hall. Her socks, already silent on the hardwood floor, were muffled further by the rain outside.
As she approached the living room, familiar voices came into focus.
“So in…lemme check again…” Ranma’s female voice. “…1852, on top a’ everything else happening, Admiral Strawperry just rolls up and starts makin’ demands?”
“It’s a little more complicated than that, but yes.”
Was that…Hikaru Gosunkugi?
Akane’s defensive hackles were already raised as she carefully peered around the corner.
There, sitting at the low table, Ranma and Hikaru sat, their backs to the doorway. The table was covered in assorted notes and textbooks, carefully piled around a pair of mugs from the cabinet, filled with cocoa. Each of the two had a towel over their shoulders, forgotten mid-drying.
Ranma glanced back at her notes. “An’ the…Ryukyu Islands, they just…rolled over and gave in?”
Hikaru chuckled. “There was probably some back-and-forth deliberating, but yeah, in the end, they gave in.”
“Hmph.” Ranma chewed on the eraser of her pencil. “Don’t wanna sound big-headed, but I bet I coulda driven ‘em off.”
“Heh.” Hikaru scoffed with a smirk. “Of course, any warlock worth his salt would have just opened the heavens and called down a hail of flaming meteors.”
Ranma and Hikaru Gosunkugi were in Akane’s living room, studying the Tokugawa Reformations…and what’s more, Ranma seemed more than a little into it.
With a shrug, Akane withdrew silently back around the corner.
Hey, if Ranma had finally found a way to effectively study, more power to her. And even more so if it kept that weirdo Gosunkugi off of their backs.
100%! Good Job!
Moriboshi-sensei’s congratulatory note next to that magical little percentage at the top of the quiz sheet made Ranma want to do backflips.
“Gos! Gos!” Ranma skidded to a halt next to her study buddy, eyes sparkling with pride and excitement. “It worked! I passed!”
Hikaru’s grin almost reached the ever-present dark circles under his eyes. “Congrats, Ranma!”
With a grin, Ranma playfully punched Hikaru’s shoulder. “Yer a lifesaver, Gos! I couldn’t a’ done it without ya! I definitely owe ya one!”
Hikaru chuckled, rubbing the sore spot on his arm where Ranma had punched him. “Well, on that note, I think you were telling me about that pressure point the Amazon granny used on you?”
“Oh, yeah! The Full-Body Cat’s Tongue!” Ranma’s expression brightened. “Thanks fer remindin’ me! Okay, so, this was right after Shampoo showed back up…”
“So, has Ranchan mentioned anythin’ about how her grades are doin’?” Ukyo asked, toying with her pencil.
Akane chuckled. “Apparently, she’s actually been doing pretty good, these past few weeks! She got a new study partner.”
“Oh, wow!” Ukyo smiled. “That’s good ta’ hear! Who is it?”
Akane grinned cheekily. “You’d never guess it. Hikaru Gosunkugi.”
“…the spooky weirdo?”
“Yep.”
“The one who used to creep on you?”
“Thaaaaat’s the one.”
“An’…Ranchan’s studyin’ with ‘em?”
“And doing pretty well, turns out.”
“Huh.” Ukyo’s brow furrowed. “That’s…unexpected.”
Akane shrugged. “Hey, whatever works. Seems like it’s been helping Ranma’s grades, anyway.”
“Hmm. Who knows, maybe we’ll get lucky an’ she’ll be a good influence on the guy. Get ‘em to dial back the creep factor a bit.”
“So this right here is a genuine human skull.”
Ranma whistled, impressed. “Cool. Where’d ya get that?”
Hikaru chuckled. “Don’t ask questions you’re not prepared to learn the answer to.”
“…You didn’t kill someone for it, did ya, Gos?” Ranma’s face had gained a troubled look to it, one hand gently grasping her black braid over her shoulder.
Hikaru waved one hand dismissively. “No, no, nothing like that. I just…borrowed it…from a grave.”
“Well, waste not, I guess.”
There was a light tap-tap on Hikaru’s bedroom door. Hikaru turned toward the sound. “Come in!”
The door was pushed open, revealing Hikaru’s mother. She smiled at the two, the dark bags under her eyes matching her son’s. A plate of sandwiches was held in one hand. “Just thought I’d bring you boys some study fuel. A snack always helped me back in the day.”
Ranma’s expression darkened, ever so slightly, at the accidental misgendering. “Th-thanks, Miss Gosunkugi…”
“Actually, Mom, Ranma’s a girl.”
Ranma blinked, her gaze shifting to Hikaru in surprise.
“Oh! Heavens, I’m sorry, Ranma, dear. That’s my fault.” Hikaru’s mother placed the plate on the desk with a guilty look on her face.
“I-it’s alright, ma’am, I, uh…I know I…”
“Ranma, you don’t have to say a word. I promise, I understand.” She looked down at Ranma, kindly.
Ranma felt warmth swell in her heart. “…thank you.”
With a final glance between her son and Ranma, and a mischievous gleam in her eye, Hikaru’s mother disappeared through the door once more, leaving the two alone.
“…thanks, Gos.”
Hikaru smiled. “Of course.”
Weeks turned to months.
F’s turned to C’s, turned to B’s.
Study session after study session was held, one after another.
Even as Ranma’s grades climbed, she and Hikaru would find themselves studying together, talking about magic, sitting next to each other.
Each time, just a little bit closer together, until they were almost hip-to-hip.
BANG!
The starter pistol echoed as the race began.
One set of running shoes per Senior class thundered down the track, as the other students at the Fall Sports Festival cheered on their respective runners.
“UKYO! C’MON, C’MON, C’MON!” Akane cheered, jumping up and down with exuberance as she watched the okonomiyaki chef sprinting along with the crowd, doing her best to outpace the others.
At Akane’s side, unnoticed amongst the crowd, Hikaru watched with wide eyes. Despite being within arm’s reach of his former crush, his attention was solidly elsewhere.
Moriboshi-sensei had gotten his money’s worth out of that bet. Almost a full twelve feet ahead of the other runners with the gap only growing, Ranma sprinted effortlessly, her long red braid flickering in the wind behind her. She didn’t even seem out of breath, a wide smile on her face.
Despite the deafening crowd around him drowning out the chorus of footfalls from the track, Hikaru was certain that he could hear the staccato tap-tap-tap of Ranma’s shoes as she ran.
The effortless, almost breezy way she kept ahead of the race, almost as if she was barely trying…
Hikaru was suddenly very aware of how the standard gym shorts hung around Ranma’s muscular legs, on full display…
As Ranma crossed the finish line and the crowd went wild, Hikaru reflexively wiped at his nose, certain that he had developed a nosebleed.
Ukyo stumbled across the finish line in a respectable second place, gasping for breath as she leaned on her knees for support. “Runner…up…you…diabolical…little…turd…” She croaked between deep breaths.
Ranma chuckled, looping her arm under Ukyo’s. “Walk it off, slugger. C’mon, let’s getcha some water.”
In the crowd, Akane tapped Hikaru’s elbow with her fingertips. Her smile suggested she had either forgotten or forgiven Hikaru’s more leery behaviors toward her the previous year. “Come on!”
With only the slightest pause before returning Akane’s smile, Hikaru followed her toward their respective runners.
The sun was hanging low over Nerima as the day drew to a close, casting the sky in Halloween-orange and chimney-red.
With the sports festival done, most of Furinkan’s students had cleared out by this time, only a few stragglers here or there remaining.
Hikaru’s brain was a scattered mess as he opened his shoe locker, sliding his feet out of his school shoes.
A thousand different frayed strands of thoughts floated through his head.
Ranma, running so effortlessly ahead of the crowd, that proud, cocky smile on her face.
The way her face always lit up with that same smile, every time a new, positive grade came back, and she came running to celebrate it with Hikaru.
It was…well, let’s not beat around the bush, beautiful.
In a way that not only made Hikaru happy to see it on his friend’s face, but also…weirdly envious, somehow.
Just behind him, there was the muted squeak of another locker swinging open, followed by the muffled shff of several pieces of paper falling to the ground, with this symphony of sound capped off by a familiar “Dangit.”
Hikaru turned around. Ranma stood at her locker, glowering at the small pile of envelopes that had fallen out. Hikaru followed her gaze downward.
Various envelopes, letters cut into hearts, kanji written in flowery handwriting. Hikaru recognized several male and female names on many of them.
“Every freakin’ year.” Ranma groaned. “No one knows how to take a hint at this school. An’ Valentine’s Day is, what, still six months away?”
Hikaru forced down an odd, jealous pang in his chest. Wait, why was he feeling jealous? Yeah, he never got love letters in his locker, but he never really wanted them, either.
Ranma sighed irritably, kneeling down to begin picking up the fallen letters. “I’m startin’ to see what ‘Kane felt like, back in the day, with the Hentai Horde.” A quick glance back up at Hikaru. “Uh, no offense, Gos.”
“None taken,” Hikaru chuckled, kneeling down to help Ranma clean up the mess. “Of course, if my powers were at their peak, I could just wave my hands and clean this up, but I’m glad to help out this way too.”
“Heh, I know you would, Gos.” Ranma chuckled. Privately, she held back a smile at the help.
Ranma had spent the better part of two years as the target of the Fiancée Wars. Even if things had calmed down quite a bit since their senior year started- Tatewaki Kuno’s graduation and subsequent attachment to some cute young thing at his prestigious university had certainly helped- but stuff like this still happened, from time to time.
Ranma would still, once in a blue moon, have to deal with people in the gym showers turning the knob cold on hers and forcing a form change to get a chance to ogle their favorite form, something she was always keen to educate a quite physical correction on.
But Hikaru? Hikaru was…different.
He saw her as a girl and treated her like one, no matter the form. He didn’t go Ooga-Booga-Boobies at the slightest provocation.
He’d worked a miracle, the way he’d helped turn her grades around. And even now, when her report card was halfway respectable, the two of them would find excuses to spend time together. Ranma would tell him about more magic shenanigans she’d been involved with, or retell old stories.
It was…nice, having Hikaru in her life.
As Ranma reached for one last letter, still stuck in her thoughts, another pale hand entered her field of view, reaching for the same letter.
Against all odds, their fingers intertwined perfectly, the letter beneath their palms.
Ranma’s eyes trailed upward, meeting Hikaru’s wide, sunken eyes.
The two stared at each other in surprise for several seconds.
“Wow, your hands are really cold.” It was all Ranma could think of to say.
“Thanks, I’m anemic.” It was all Hikaru could think of to say.
After a few seconds, Hikaru suddenly seemed to remember himself, and yanked his hand away. “O-oh gosh! Ranma! S-sorry, sorry, I didn’t, I didn’t-“ Hikaru flailed his hands frantically in front of him, sending the letters he’d picked up flying in every direction.
Chuckling at his antics, Ranma’s spare hand shot out repeatedly into the air, snatching the rest of the letters as they fell. “Chill, Gos, chill, it’s okay.”
“O-okay…okay…” Hikaru took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing, embarrassed heart.
As Ranma allowed the gathered letters to tumble out of her arms and into the nearby trash can, she turned, watching Hikaru try to collect himself.
One eyebrow raised, a catlike grin gathering on Ranma’s face as a mischievous thought came to mind.
“Heh, uh, hrrrm hrrrrm.” Hikaru unconvincingly cleared his throat as Ranma leered slyly at him. “R-Ranma, what’s, uh, what’s with the, uh-“
WHAM.
Hikaru froze stock-still as Ranma’s hand shot past his head, her palm impacting the closed door of his shoe locker.
“I…I…I…”
Ranma grinned, leaning over her stuttering friend. “Hikaruuuu~” She trilled, smiling as she watched him squirm. “Is there…somethin’ on yer mind?”
Hikaru’s face darkened to beet red. Ranma could almost see the smoke trailing from his ears.
“IiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigottagoseeyatomorrowRanmabye!” Hikaru ducked under Ranma’s outstretched arm and quickly stumbled toward the school’s exit, leaving Ranma cackling behind him.
It was deep into Autumn, and the leaves had fully abandoned the trees.
Hikaru knelt in his bedroom, humming idly to himself as he drew Satanic runes on his floor. The chalk was rough and grainy under his fingertips.
It was Culture Day, so there was no school. Hikaru had invited Ranma over while he tried out a new Dark And Evil Ritual. It had become a new habit for the two of them- Ranma had volunteered to supervise Hikaru’s rituals, after the last time. Hikaru had gotten a rune wrong, and Ranma had come over a few hours later and found Hikaru on the floor with a buffalo sitting on his chest.
After Ranma had wrangled the beast out of the house and set it lumbering down the road, Ranma had made Hikaru swear to have some supervision when any Dark Happenings were…happening.
Was Hikaru supposed to be drawing these runes on the floor before Ranma got there? Well, technically, he hadn’t started the actual ritual yet, so this should be fine. Besides, Hikaru had something of a surprise planned for the day-
CRASH!
Hikaru leapt up in surprise as Ranma Saotome came crashing through his window, ensnared in a comical ball of violence with a thrashing, snarling tabby cat.
Ranma and the cat tumbled around the room, both clawing and snarling at each other. Far more deafening than the cat’s yowling was Ranma’s, screeching and howling with the best of them.
“OUT, OUT, OUT!” Not knowing what else to do, Hikaru shoved himself into the middle of the fight, between Ranma and the mad cat as best as he could. He shouldered Ranma back, gathering the thrashing cat in his arms the best he could.
Ranma scuttled backwards on all fours into one corner of the room as Hikaru, wincing in pain, carried the cat to the window, before shoving it outside and slamming the window shut. “And stay out!”
Panting, Hikaru turned to face Ranma, eyeing the long scratches along his forearms with a wince. The stray cat had gotten him pretty good.
Ranma was still on all fours, her hackles raised along her curved back. Her braid seemed to have a mind of its own, curling and uncurling at the back of her head. She glared at Hikaru with eyes that didn’t seem to recognize him.
“Ranma? Are you okay?” Hikaru reached out, to help Ranma to her feet.
Hissing aggressively, Ranma swiped one curled hand at Hikaru’s, knocking it away. She shrank angrily back into the corner with a feline growl.
Hikaru stared back at Ranma, trying to figure things out. Something about this seemed familiar, like something Ranma had mentioned, ages ago.
Keeping his distance, Hikaru sank to sit on the floor. “It’s okay, kitty. I’m not gonna hurt you. It’s me, Hikaru.”
At Hikaru’s soothing tone, Ranma- no, Raneko’s defensiveness seemed to recede a little. The angry upturn to her back went back down, and the raised claw lowered to the floor with her other three legs.
“There we go…” Hikaru smiled at the cat that shared Ranma’s brain. “You’re safe here, kitty. I promise.”
“Mrrraowww…” Raneko delicately padded toward Hikaru, still on all fours, her braid still twitching like a cat’s tail.
Still smiling, Hikaru extended one arm, his hand open and inviting.
Drawing close, Raneko sniff-sniffed Hikaru’s fingers, before pressing her cheek into his palm. She closed her eyes, the tension flowing out of her shoulders as she began to softly purr at his touch.
“There we go. Pretty kitty, no be mad.” Hikaru’s fingers slowly inched behind Raneko’s ear, beginning to gently scratch her scalp with his fingernails.
Raneko’s purrs grew louder as she drew closer. Hikaru squeaked in surprise as she nuzzled his face, pressing her cheek against one dark circle under one eye.
Then, she carefully curled up with her head in his lap. She smiled as she nuzzled his thigh. “Nyaaaaa…”
Hikaru forced himself not to get too flustered at such close contact. Right now, he needed to be there for his friend.
Cracking one eye open, Raneko spotted the long, red scratch swelling up on Hikaru’s forearm, where the other Mean Cat had scratched him.
Raneko reached up, hooking one paw over Hikaru’s wrist, pulling it down toward her. She pressed it to her lips, kissing the scratch softly.
Hikaru blushed, unable to stop the “Awwwwwwww~” that spilled out.
After several minutes of holding Hikaru’s arm close, Raneko sat up with a smile and a “Mrrp!”
Then, before Hikaru even realized what was happening, she had climbed up onto his shoulders.
Hikaru flinched, half expecting to be thrown onto his back by the sudden weight…but it didn’t happen.
It was as if Raneko genuinely only weighed about as much as a typical housecat.
Sitting back on her haunches, on his shoulder, Raneko rubbed her cheek against the top of Hikaru’s head.
Slowly, gingerly, Hikaru rose to his feet. Despite his having the frame and strength of a scarecrow, Raneko seemed to weigh nothing at all.
Smiling, Hikaru reached up, scratching the braincat under the chin. Raneko smiled, purring in delight as she leaned into the scritches.
“Well, kitty, if you’re gonna be here for a minute, I think I have a good idea to help you relax a bit…”
As the kindly embrace of sleep began to fall away from her, Ranma stretched luxuriously. She felt refreshed, like she’d just awoken from a long nap. There was an extremely comfy pillow under her head, too…
“Uh…Ranma, is that you?”
Hikaru’s voice, from above her.
Ranma’s eyes popped open, revealing Hikaru’s upside-down face staring back down at her.
“Gos? What are you doing here?”
“Uh, actually, Ranma…”
Ranma froze as the memories came trickling back. “Wait…ugggh, you met the stupid braincat, didn’t you?”
Hikaru chuckled. “No worries, Raneko was super nice to be around.”
“Raneko?” Ranma groaned. “You named her?”
“Heh heh…I mean, yeah? I could tell it wasn’t you, so…yeah.”
Ranma chuckled incredulously as she tried to slide her hands under the comfy pillow under her head…only for them to come into contact with what was very obviously two legs in a pair of pants.
Realizing her head was in Hikaru’s lap, Ranma sat straight up, trying to hide her own embarrassment at the whole situation…
…only to stop short as she looked around her.
The two of them were sitting on a picnic blanket in a field, with a small basket sitting next to Hikaru, filled with food. In the bare dirt around the blanket, in a perfect circle, was one of Hikaru’s ritual circles, with runes drawn in chalk.
The grass of the field was blood red, and the sky a dark, emerald green. Yellow clouds hung high overhead, an occasional tentacle sprouting from one and blindly groping at the air.
Off in the far distance, Ranma could make out an eldritch city, seemingly carved into impossible geometries from obsidian, shapes that couldn’t and shouldn’t exist together in ways that would make a weak man’s head hurt.
As it was, Ranma just kind of blinked at it. “Where the heck are we?”
“The eldritch Plains of Leng, just outside of the cursed city of Carcosa.” Hikaru rubbed the comically large sweat drop on the back of his head sheepishly. “The, uh, teleportation circle was supposed to take us somewhere with a view of Mount Fuji.”
“Huh. This is it?” Ranma stared as, about twenty feet away, a portly penguin the size of a car waddled past. “Man, that Lovecraft guy was a weak little bitch if this is what drove him to madness.” She waggled her fingers dramatically for emphasis.
“Oh, yeah, we all know that.”
“Lemme see yer grimoire?” Ranma held out a hand as Hikaru handed her the thick spellbook, open to the page he’d used.
Ranma scanned the page for several seconds, glancing back and forth between the page and the drawn circle, before her eyebrows rose. “Ah, yep, there it is.” She pointed to one of the chalk-drawn runes in the circle. “See that? The dire sigil of Glorfonax, the King of Space, is supposed to be drawn with three burning mortals lashed to posts, not two.” She pointed back at the book, then back at the rune.
Hikaru leaned in, glancing between the two. “Ah, darn it, you’re right.”
Ranma paused, before shooting a good-natured glare at Hikaru. “Aren’t ya supposed to wait for me to get there before you do any rituals?”
Hikaru chuckled. “I mean, technically, you were physically present.”
“Heh. Alright, alright, I’ll let ya have that one.” Ranma grinned cheekily as she snapped the book shut. “’Sides, isn’t any good witch supposed to have a cat fer a familiar or somethin’? Or a warlock in your case, I guess.”
“I-I…”
Ranma’s smile faded as Hikaru’s good mood seemed to vanish. Gosunkugi seemed to shrink in on himself, unwilling to meet Ranma’s eyes.
“…Gos? You okay?”
“It’s…it’s nothing, I just…” Gosunkugi sighed, reaching for his grimoire. “This is stupid. Hang on, lemme take us back home-“
“No, no, hang on.” Ranma held the book away from Gosunkugi’s hands. “Gos?”
There was a long, long silence, broken only by the eternal wails of the million damned souls trapped within Carcosa’s walls.
“…You don’t gotta tell me if you don’t wanna, Gos.” Ranma’s voice was soft, understanding. “But I’m here if ya do.”
After several long seconds:
“…I’ve…I’ve been thinking for…for a long, long time, and…you can…call me a…a witch…if you want to.” Her voice was soft, trembling, fragile, afraid.
Gosunkugi felt a warm hand slowly sliding over hers, resting atop the picnic blanket.
“Hey. Look at me.” The hand squeezed hers reassuringly.
Ranma was smiling softly at her, her beautiful blue eyes piercing into Gosunkugi’s.
Ranma reached up, cupping Gosunkugi’s cheek with her hand, one thumb gently caressing a dark circle. “Today…we can just both be girls.”
Winter had come.
Grey clouds hung fat and low over Nerima, just waiting for the right time to start snowing.
Gosunkugi sat on a bench, staring straight ahead, and sighed.
Just ahead of her, reflected in the plate glass window of a shop, was herself.
Skinny. Lanky. An ugly haircut. Her small frame made even smaller by the oversized hoodie she’d wrapped herself in, to keep out the cold and absolutely nothing else.
She’d realized that she was a girl. Ranma had stopped calling her by her given name as she figured things out, defaulting to the old nickname of ‘Gos.’
But she still looked like…her.
The her she’d always looked like.
Gosunkugi sighed again, trying to bundle herself deeper into the hoodie, her hands plunged deep into the front pouch pocket.
She’d tried. She really had. Dresses, skirts. And…they looked okay…but they didn’t give Gosunkugi that…that oomph she’d been hoping for.
“Maybe…this was all a dumb mistake.” She sighed once more, her shoulders deflating even further. “Ranma’s gonna be so disappointed…”
Her reflection stared back at her, hopelessly.
There was a rustle of fabric on fabric as someone settled onto the bench next to Gosunkugi. “Azusa-chan knows that look.”
Gosunkugi turned her head in quiet surprise.
There, sitting next to her on the bench, was a monument to Lace. Layers and layers of poofy fabric forming a dress that was less pink and more paaaank. A prim and proper coat over the top was topped by a waterfall of immaculately curly hair and a big pink hairbow.
“I-I’m sorry?”
Azusa Shiratori smiled kindly at the lost soul on the bench. “Azusa-chan knows that look. I used to have that same look, on my face, too, once upon a time.” The poofy angel leaned closer to Gosunkugi, dropping her voice. “People used to think I was an icky boy, too.”
Gosunkugi’s eyes widened. “You…you too?”
Azusa nodded. “Yep! I was so sad, all the time…then, Azusa-chan started dressing all cute! And now, I’m happy!”
Gosunkugi managed a weak smile. “Th-that’s great, Azusa-san, I’m happy for you…but…”
Azusa slipped a supportive hand over Gosunkugi’s. “But nothing! I know how you feel, but everyone looks good in lace.”
“N-no, it’s…it’s not that…”
Azusa’s smile slipped away, replaced by a quizzical look. “Then what is?”
“I…” Gosunkugi sighed, trying not to think about the sad, skinny sight that had greeted her in the changing room mirror when she’d tried on that dress, just yesterday. “I just…don’t think lace and dresses are for me. I…I like the boy’s gakuran, I feel…” She chuckled lamely as she shrugged. “Dapper, I guess? But…that doesn’t really help on the…the other factor…”
Azusa nodded sagely, stroking her chin thoughtfully between finger and thumb. “Naaaaaruhodo. I think I’ve got it now…” She grinned once more. “You’re not a cute girl…or at least, you’re a different kind of cute…you’re a butch girl.”
Gosunkugi raised a skeptical eyebrow. “A butch girl? Is…is that a thing?”
Azusa giggled. “Oh, my sweet sister, you have much to learn.” Azusa flounced to her feet, extending a hand toward Gosunkugi. “Let Azusa-chan teach you!”
Gosunkugi stared at the offered hand. She’d only just met this girl…yet, she found herself trusting her already, this strange kinship they’d found.
Slowly, she slid her hand into Azusa’s waiting one. “…Okay.”
“Goodie!” Azusa crowed, hauling Gosunkugi to her feet. “Then let’s go!” Before she could take one step, however, Azusa’s eyes widened. “Oh, but where are my manners!” She curtsied to Gosunkugi. “Azusa Shiratori-chan.”
Gosunkugi felt a giggle rise in her chest. “…Hikari.”
Hikari sat in a chair, her eyes covered by a blindfold as Azusa bustled around her. The thick rug in Azusa’s bedroom was soft under Hikari’s feet.
“No peeking, Hikari-chan!” Azusa warned her from somewhere to her right.
“I’m not, I’m not.”
The past few hours had been a whirlwind. Hikari had only just arrived in Azusa’s plush bedroom (barely catching a glimpse of a mountain of plushies on the bed), before a pink silk blindfold (apparently named Renoir) had been put in place over her eyes.
Hikari had found herself quite literally blindly following the whims and orders of a girl she barely knew. With her blindfold in place, she’d felt Azusa measuring her with a tailor’s measuring tape, heard the snick-snick of scissors and the buzz of an electric razor as she was carefully given a haircut, felt the tickle of a makeup brush and powder puff against her cheeks.
(“Trust the process,” Azusa had gently but firmly told her.)
“Almost done…” From behind now, Azusa’s voice came once more. “Go ahead and stand up; then, arms back, please.”
Keeping her eyes closed, Hikari obeyed the command, rising to her feet, feeling Azusa slide something up Hikari’s arms and over her bare shoulders. A jacket of some kind?
“Let Azusa-chan just get this out of the way…” Hikari heard the sound of the chair she’d been sitting in being dragged to the side over the carpet, before Azusa’s chipper voice came through the darkness again. “Azusa-chan is gonna take Renoir off of Hikari-chan’s face, now, but keep your eyes closed! I’ve got one last little thing to do.”
Hikari obediently kept her eyes closed as the blindfold was removed. She flinched just briefly as something touched her eyelid with a feather’s touch.
“Don’t flinch, Hikari-chan!” There was an audible pout in Azusa’s voice. “I wanna get this right for you!
“Sorry, sorry.”
Hikari felt the gentle tickle of a makeup brush against her eyelids, the wetness of something being applied, just above her eyelashes, trailing to the corners of her eyes.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaand…done! Go ahead and open your eyes, Hikari-chan!”
Hikari slowly cracked her eyelids open, exposing them to light for the first time in hours.
“Let your eyes get used to the light, and then…take a look!”
Hikari blinked, registering the vague outline of a floor-length mirror in front of her, and the even vaguer smudge of black reflected within.
This was a mistake. It had to be. Her eyes were going to adjust, and she was going to see herself in some mishmash of an outfit, a mangled haircut, and clown makeup on her face. She just knew it. She found herself pinching her eyes shut again, her fists clenched at her sides.
“Hikari-chan?” Azusa’s voice, gentler than it’d been in hours. “Are you okay?”
“Does it…” Hikari swallowed roughly. “Does it look…okay?”
Azusa giggled softly. “Oh, Hikari-chan…you need to see for yourself.”
Hikari sighed.
Then, slowly, gingerly, she allowed her eyes to drift open.
There, standing in the mirror, was a handsome goddess.
Her face had been touched up with just a hint of makeup, with a thin trail of eyeliner reaching a razor-sharp point at the corners of her eyes, perfectly accentuating the permanent bags under them.
Her hair was in a carefully trimmed and arranged sidecut, with bangs swooping down to stylishly cover one eye.
She wore the boy’s black gakuran of Furinkan High School, but recent stitchwork along the shoulders concealed newly added shoulder pads, the better to make her appear…broader. The front of the jacket was open, revealing the dark grey, sleeveless turtleneck underneath. A golden trim had been immaculately added along the edges, giving the jacket a very princely flair. A small rose pin was stuck to her breast pocket, to truly complete the look.
She was still in her socks, but on the floor by her feet was a pair of lift shoes, like black Mary Janes, that would gift her an extra few centimeters of height.
Hikari blinked.
So did the woman in the mirror, and Hikari’s breath hitched as she suddenly realized that she was looking at herself.
“And, the finishing touches…” Azusa appeared in the mirror behind Hikari, delicately attaching a shiny star-shaped clip-on earring to one earlobe. “Jean-Pierre…” Azusa slid to the other side, attaching a matching clip-on earring to the other ear. “And Jean-Philippe. Stars, just like you! They’re twins, so be sure not to separate them, okay?”
Hikari nodded numbly, unable to take her eyes off of her reflection. “Azusa-chan…I look…amazing…”
Azusa hummed, pinching her chin between finger and thumb as she thought. “It’s very good…but it’s missing something…”
With the audible sound of a doorbell, Azusa’s expression brightened. “Aha! I know just what you need, Hikari-chan!”
Hands clutched in front of her, Hikari watched as Azusa dove for her closet. She flounced inside, digging her way through a sea of cute clothes and costumes on hangers.
Her voice was muffled inside through the layers of fabric. “Pardon me, Esme, Eloise, Margot, Margaux, Josephine, Ottilie, Mireille…”
Hikari craned her neck, trying to stare into the seemingly endless closet, to make out her lacey savior. “How deep is your closet?!”
“Very! Don’t come in here alone, the Abominable Snowsuit still roams the depths, searching for victims! Where was I…Cosette, Henriette, Bernadette, Annette, Morgana, Andre, Iolanthe, Aurelia, Lumière, Étienne- AHA! There you are, Nocturne!”
Slightly more rumpled than she was before, Azusa thrashed her way out of her closet, waving something wide and dark with a grin. “Here! Here!” She flounced her way over to Hikari, and plopped the item on her head.
Hikari stared at herself in the mirror, her eyes growing wider and wider.
It was a witch’s hat. Wide-brimmed, long and pointy, hanging back over Hikari’s shoulder. Small trinkets, moons and stars, hung from spots around the brim’s circumference, with another star on a short chain dangling from the point’s tip.
Hikari found herself smiling ear to ear. “It’s…Azusa-chan, it’s…”
With a proud nod and a smile, Azusa placed one hand on Hikari’s padded shoulder. “It’s perfect.”
The next morning, an entire hallway full of students between periods froze where they were.
A witch that none of them had ever seen before strode confidently down the hallway, her wide smile almost reaching the bags under her eyes as the crowd parted like the red sea before her.
Her gakuran hung open, her broad shoulders commanded authority, and her eyeliner was sharp enough to kill a man.
Her witch’s hat, long and pointed, trailed behind her like the train on a black wedding dress.
The lift shoes were a godsend. The different center of gravity had taken a little getting used to, but the extra height was so worth it.
Hikari’s grin widened as her target came into view ahead of her.
At her locker, still in her gym clothes, Ranma was rummaging through her school bag, looking for something. Her back was to Hikari- she hadn’t seen her new look yet. Her crimson braid tick-tocked from side to side as she searched.
As Hikari neared her, she realized that she finally had some extra height on Ranma’s petite-but-muscular frame.
Perfect.
"Hey, Ranma. Turn around."
"Heya, Gos, gimme just a sec…” Ranma kept staring into her bag, digging around for whatever she was looking for.
She suddenly felt a firm hand on her shoulder.
"I said..."
Ranma was suddenly spun around with a surprised squawk, too quickly and suddenly for her to resist.
WHAM.
A flat palm impact the locker next to her, capturing her in a vengeful kabedon.
"Turn. Around."
There, a solid two inches higher than she used to be, Hikari Gosunkugi smirked down at Ranma with a spooky, Sapphic confidence she had never seen in the goth.
Ranma's eyes scanned up and down Hikari's form, taking in the better-tailored gakuran, the lift shoes, the swoop of her new hairstyle, the earrings on each ear, the confident smile that almost touched the dark circles under her eyes, the wide-brimmed witch’s hat that almost blocked out the florescent lights above them.
Ranma was suddenly very aware that her mouth was hanging open.
"G...Gos..." Ranma stammered. "You look...amazing..."
"Heh...I decided on the name Hikari. And…" Hikari chuckled, shifting from leaning on her hand to her elbow, still looming over Ranma. "You look adorable."
The hallway fell dead silent as a loud, involuntary moan spilled out of Ranma's mouth.
Ranma immediately clamped her hands over her mouth, as if to try and shove the sound back in, her eyes wide, the tips of her ears burning bright red.
The other students took one look at what was happening, and immediately scattered, fleeing in every direction without a word.
Neither Ranma nor Hikari so much as noticed, their eyes locked with each other's.
Ranma's heart was pounding like a hammer in her chest.
Hikari Gosunkugi- her friend, her crush- was looming over her with a smile that made Ranma's stomach flip-flop.
Hikari’s other hand crept upward, taking Ranma’s in her own, interlacing their fingers together.
“Y-your hands are really cold…” Ranma stammered, the inane statement the only thing she could think of to say.
Hikari chuckled smugly, leaning in toward Ranma’s ear. “Thanks, I’m anemic,” She whispered, making Ranma’s stomach flip-flop.
Finally, with a smug smile that matched Ranma’s best, Hikari leaned away from Ranma, her arm leaving the wall as she took a step back.
And instantly tripped over her own lift heel, still unused to this center of gravity.
Arms flailing, Hikari fell backward, landing on her butt on the hard tile floor.
"Oof!"
"Hikari! Are you...okay..."
Hikari's jacket had slid partly off of her shoulder, revealing that she was wearing a sleeveless shirt under it.
Her skinny shoulder and upper arm, with the black gakuran jacket hanging loosely off of it, was the hottest thing Ranma had ever seen in her life.
Hikari sighed, staring pitifully up at Ranma. “So much for Miss Smooth, huh?” Her long bangs fell forward, draping over one eye.
Ranma’s head was flung backward as a high-pressured nosebleed sent her staggering. She stumbled backward, before falling to one knee, her running shoe making a sharp squeak on the tile floor.
“Ranma!” Hikari was already flailing her skinny frame to a standing position, reaching out to take Ranma by the shoulder.
As Hikari’s hand touched Ranma’s bare shoulder, Ranma’s eyes snapped wide open, staring dumbly up at Hikari.
The two stared at each other for several long seconds.
Then, Ranma quickly leapt to her feet, and before she even realized what she was doing, she had grabbed Hikari by the lapels of her gakuran, yanked her forward, and captured her lips in a deep, deep kiss.
Hikari squeaked in surprised, before melting into the kiss, her arms snaking around Ranma’s waist, pulling her closer.
A skinny butch goth and a jock girl stood there in the deserted hallway, their lips tightly pressed against each other.
Eventually, after a minute and an eternity, the two pulled away from each other, wide eyes locked with each other’s, both breathing heavily.
“I-“
“Y-yeah.”
“You-“
“Yeah.”
“Are we-“
“Yes.”
“…Do you wanna find a closet and keep going?”
“More than anything in the world.”
Then, as one, the two were running, sprinting down the hall, hand in hand, their thundering footfalls on the tile floor drowned out by their own giddy laughter.
Hikari’s stomach was roiling, tumbling with a giggly, happy feeling like she’d never felt before, like she’d swallowed a flock of butterflies that were infecting her with their own happiness. Her lift shoes were absolutely not made for running like this and she didn’t care one bit. She felt Ranma’s warm, strong hand in hers, and never, ever wanted to let it go again. The tip of her new witch’s hat flickered in the air behind them.
As they rounded a corner, Hikari stumbled again, falling against Ranma, and Ranma laughed as she caught her, and they were running once more, their speed barely falling. Ranma wanted to dance in a circle and whoop at the top of her lungs, such was the thrilled joy that fueled her.
A janitor’s closet was approaching fast on their left. As they drew close, Ranma was unable to contain herself any longer. She grabbed Hikari’s hand in both of hers, and they spun together, Ranma’s back slamming against the door as she flung her arms around Hikari’s shoulders.
As their lips pressed together once again, Hikari blindly fumbled past Ranma for the closet’s door handle. After a second, her fingers wrapped around it, and she shoved the door open. Not even bothering to break the kiss, the two stumbled into the closet.
And directly into the two other people already in the closet.
“Ouch!”
“Dangit, lookout!”
Ranma yelped as the four of them fell to the ground in a pile of limbs with a crash and a slew of curses.
“Owww…” Ranma groaned, pressing her hand to her head. “Sorry, didn’t know someone was in here…”
“Argh…find yer own closet!” A familiar Kansai twang responded.
Ranma froze. “Wait. Ucchan?”
“Ranchan? Izzat you, Sugar?”
“Oh, god no.” Another familiar voice responded, making Ranma’s blood run cold.
The bare lightbulb at the top of the closet clicked on as Hikari finally struggled to her feet, pulling the cord.
On the floor of the closet, Ranma was staring, bugeyed, at the other two students using this closet for an impromptu makeout session.
Ukyo’s back was against the wall, her arms wrapped around Akane, who was pressed against Ukyo’s front, where she’d already been before they’d all fallen.
Akane and Ranma stared at each other for several long, silent moments.
“Ah.”
“Ah.”
"So."
"Sooooo..."
Akane sat next to Ranma on a bench in the school's courtyard. An awkward silence hung over the two with the afternoon sun. A winter chill blew in the breeze as Akane clutched her jacket tighter around herself. Ranma, despite still being in her gym clothes, was unaffected by the cold, thanks to her experience with the Soul of Ice technique.
Akane sighed, her eyes still locked with the ground. "So this... isn't how we wanted you to find out."
Ranma couldn't help but chuckle. "If it makes ya feel better, I was tryin' to figure out how to tell you, too."
"So..." Akane paused, trying to get her words together. "Do we...wanna try and make a poly thing work?"
"...Would you hate me if I said no?" Ranma's voice was very small, fragile, fearful of the answer.
Then, she felt Akane's hand rest on her shoulder, and the fear dissipated.
"Ranma, I could never hate you. Not really, not after everything we've been through together. I just..." An ashamed look spread across Akane's face. "I don't think I love you in that way."
"...Same." Ranma turned to peek at Akane out of the corner of her eye, a hopeful smile on her face. "Can we...maybe just be friends?"
Akane smiled back, as she wrapped Ranma in a hug. "I'd love that."
Ranma hugged her back, clutching Akane tightly.
It was as if the hug had defused and released a long-standing tension, a peace falling over the two in a way it hadn't been there since that first day they'd met.
As the hug finally broke, Ranma glanced past Akane.
At the next bench, Hikari and Ukyo were sat, whispering to each other. They were watching Ranma and Akane with wide eyes, and smiles that indicated their own fears had been laid to rest. The tip of Hikari’s hat just barely grazed the ground behind the bench.
An impish grin crossed Ranma's face. "Sooooo...?"
Akane raised an eyebrow. "So?"
"So, how long have you and Ucchan been a thing?"
A light pink blush spread across Akane's cheeks. "Ah, jeez... about a month or...three."
"Three?"
Akane's blush deepened. "Look, we had a lot of study sessions, just like you two, spent a lot of time together... one day, our faces were close together, and it just kinda... happened."
Ranma nodded with a wry smile. "Well, I hope you felt appropriately guilty, afterwards."
"Afterwards, I did, yes."
The two laughed, Ranma lightly elbowing her ex-fiancee as Akane wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close.
"...Gosunkugi, though? Really?"
Ranma shrugged. "Yeah, really.
“She didn’t…I dunno, cast an evil spell on you or something, did she?”
Ranma waved dismissively. “Nah, nah, she just reached into my chest, pulled out my heart, and keeps in her altar at home. Ya know, the old-fashioned way.”
“…Okay, I know you’re probably joking but the way things always happen around us I need to make sure-“
“I’m joking, ‘Kane, I’m joking.”
“Okay…good.” Akane nodded, before leaning back on the bench. “Ugh, our lives are crazy.” She gave Ranma a small smile. "I don't get it…but I don't have to. The heart wants what it wants, and all that.”
Ranma chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it does. I dunno, she…makes me laugh."
“She looks really good, by the way."
"Why, thank you, Miz Tendo," came Hikari's voice as she and Ukyo approached.
Ukyo clapped Hikari on the back with a solid open palm, causing the scarecrow-thin goth to stagger forward. "Gocchan was just tellin' me about how she and Ranchan hit it off. Good fer the two of ya!" Ukyo's smile faded as a guilty look crossed her face. "Uh, and...Ranchan, I... I'm sorry."
Ranma waved a dismissive hand. "Don't worry about it, Ucchan. There's no one in the world I'd trust 'Kane with more."
Ukyo grinned once more, at Hikari. "An' I can tell you two are crazy about each other."
Hikari smiled uneasily. "So...you two are okay with me...being around?"
Akane smiled kindly. "Any friend of Ranma's is a friend of mine, dummy."
Ukyo chuckled. "Yer Ranchan's lil’ scrungly scrimblo-bimblo, so you're fine by my book."
The other three stared uncomprehendingly at Ukyo, their faces bewildered at her words.
"Ucchan...what did you say?"
"I think she cursed us in an elder tongue." Hikari murmured, pressing one finger thoughtfully to her mouth.
Akane shrugged it off. “At least you two are happy? Judging by that moan I heard from down the hall?" Akane’s voice was casual, almost conversational, as if she hadn’t just made Ranma blush ruby-red for the second time that day.
“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU DIDN’T HEAR ANYTHING!” Ranma yelled, impotently slapping Akane’s arm over and over with open palms.
“WAIT, THAT WAS YOU?!!?” Ukyo shouted, her eyes wide and gleefully manic with the promise of the age-old pastime of being able to torment her best friend.
“UNACCEPTABLE!” Genma roared. “I WON’T HAVE IT!”
“Not your call to make, Pops.” Ranma snarked, not even bothering to grace Genma with a glare as she raised her tea to her mouth.
A chilly dusk was hanging low over the Tendo home. Ranma, Akane, Hikari, and Ukyo sat in a circle around the kotatsu.
As Genma stood sputtering like an enraged bullfrog, Soun had flung himself into a heap on the floor, weeping like a maiden. “Ranma! How could you break Akane’s heart like this?! The shame of it all!”
“Nope, Dad, not Ranma.” Akane raised one hand, her other one wrapped in Ukyo’s. “I’m the one dating Ukyo, and you can’t stop me.”
Instantly, Soun went from Weeping Maiden to Furious Father, looming over the kotatsu as he pierced this young hooligan in the boy’s gakuran with a skeptical eye. “Hmph. Young man, what makes you think you have any right to my youngest daughter?”
“Well, Mr. Tendo, I’m the owner of a successful business, and a professional cook.”
Deep in Soun’s soul, his inner self roared “HE’S PERFECT!!!!!!!!!”
Out of nowhere, Soun was suddenly laughing merrily, his hands resting on Ukyo’s shoulders. “And such a dapper young man, too! Welcome to the family, son!” Still smiling ear-to-ear, Soun turned to face the doorway. “Nabiki! Congratulations, you’re engaged to Ranma now!”
In the doorway, having been watching all of this unfold, Nabiki dismissively shook her head. “I’ll pass. I likes ‘em tall, rich, and quiet, and Ranma is none of those things.”
Ranma sputtered into her tea as Hikari and Ukyo chuckled on either side of her. “Seriously did everyone on Earth hear me this morning?!” She mumbled darkly
Soun paused for several seconds. “…Kasumi-“
“No.” Kasumi answered bluntly from the kitchen.
“Understood, sweetheart!” Soun answered brightly, before sighing, his shoulders slumping. “Saotome, I’m fresh out of ideas.”
Genma pointed an accusing finger at Ranma. “Where’s your sense of honor, boy?!”
“Oh, give it up, Mr Saotome!” Nabiki suddenly shouted from where she’d been leaning on the doorframe. “We all know you and Daddy just wanna dodge the inheritance taxes on the house, honor’s got nothing to do with it!”
Silence reigned over the living room as Ranma, Akane, Ukyo, and Hikari all stared at Nabiki.
Genma and Soun’s face slowly flushed red with embarrassment.
Nabiki glanced from face to face. “Did…did no one else know that?”
Akane looked back at her father incredulously, one eyebrow rising to a lethal angle. “Wait, Dad, really?! That’s what this has all been about?!”
“W-well…” Soun stammered. “You see, sweetheart…look, the inheritance taxes are ridiculous, so we…uh…you see, if you get married and we make the house and dojo a wedding gift, they don’t tax that, and it stays in the family…”
“Oh, I am not hearing this.” Akane’s hands slowly migrating to clasp the sides of her head.
Ukyo blinked blankly. “This has gotta be probably the most convoluted thing I’ve ever heard.”
Soun sighed. “In hindsight, it does seem a bit contrived.”
Hikari declined to comment, as she was too busy cackling on the floor, clutching her sides as she howled with laughter.
Ranma, who had been silent throughout this explanation, clutched her chin between finger and thumb, her expression distant.
Seeing this, Ukyo grinned. “I know that look. You’ve got an idea, dontcha?”
Ranma met Ukyo’s smile with one of her own, before turning to look at Akane.
“Hey, ‘Kane. Wanna get married?”
Safely sequestered behind her desk, the clerk at Nerima’s marriage license office looked over the jumble of people who had invaded her workspace. “So…this marriage license is for…” She glanced at the ID cards on her desk once more. “Ranma Saotome and…Akane Tendo?” She glanced back up at the two people directly in front of her. “And that’s you?”
Genma Saotome, wearing a cheap black wig tied in a rat-tail on his head, uncomfortably crammed into an ill-fitting red Chinese silk shirt, nodded stiffly. “That’s absolutely correct, madam! I just can’t wait to get married to the love of my life!” Fearing tearing the shirt open, he stiffly reached one arm to the side, taking the hand of the person to his right. “Isn’t that right, pookie?”
Soun Tendo, clad in what appeared to be a costume shop’s replica of a bridal gown, giggled demurely in a falsetto voice as he wrapped his arms around Genma’s elbow, doing his best to hold the veil over his face to conceal his mustache. “Oh, schnookums! Today has been everything I’ve always dreamed! I’m Akane!”
The clerk blink-blinked twice, before glancing behind the two middle-aged adults pretending to be high schoolers. “And…are you two the witnesses?”
Behind her father, Akane dropped to one knee, wearing her father’s ratty brown bathrobe. A moustache had been drawn on her face in marker, and she clenched a candy cigarette in her teeth. “Oh! My dearest daughter! I’m so proud of you! Sob sob, weep weep, cry cry!” Just as quickly, she stood up, pompously placing her hands on her hips. “Saotome, my old friend! Isn’t it good that the young’uns are finally getting married?”
“Panda noises! Panda noises!” Wearing a panda onesie, Ranma bounced from side to side, a massive grin on her face.
“Too right! Too right!” Akane nodded, throwing her arm around Ranma’s shoulder. “Let’s celebrate after this by drinking too much sake!”
The clerk stared at the four idiots dressed as each other. Her eyes then fell back down to the ID cards and marriage paperwork on her desk, then to the clock on the wall, and to the snow barely visible falling outside in the dusk.
She glanced back at Soun, still trying to hide his face behind the loose veil by pinching it between his shoulder and cheek. “Mr. Tendo, you’re on the town council, I know that’s you.” Ignoring Soun’s flinch, she pressed on. “Double my Christmas bonus this year and I won’t say anything.”
“Done.” Soun choked out, unwilling to meet her eyes.
With a nod, the clerk stamped a rubber stamp of approval on the marriage documents.
Bordering the group on each side, Ukyo and Hikari each pulled a party popper, setting off synchronized bursts of confetti over the other four. “Omedetou!” They chorused.
Soun sighed in relief behind his bridal veil. “Small price to pay to keep the house in the family.”
“Your kid’s right about one thing, though,” Genma grumbled. “Definitely gonna need way too much sake after this.”
“Agreed.”
“…Can you stay in the dress, though?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Genma chuckled, leaning in close toward Soun with a leer. “And who knows, maybe when we get home to our wedding bed, I can get you out of it…”
Due to standing directly behind the two of them, Ranma heard every word that had just been said between the two.
“W-wait…” She pointed at her father. “You-“ She moved her hand to point at Soun. “And you-“
Genma and Soun stared blankly at her, as if what had just been said between the two wasn’t common knowledge already.
“Yes. And?” Genma pressed impatiently.
“W-what about Ma?!!?” Ranma squawked indignantly, her face turning red.
On cosmic cue, Nodoka leaned in from the hallway outside the office with a smile. “Oh! Actually, dear, I’m able to catch up on my crochet while I watch-“
“LA LA LA LA LA I’M NOT LISTENING I’M NOT LISTENING!” Ranma shouted as she ran past Nodoka and down the hall, her hands planted firmly over her ears. “YA PA PA, YA PA PA, II SHAN TEN…”
The freshly-fallen snow crunched softly under Ranma’s shoes as she jogged across the street, having changed out of her panda onesie.
Illuminated under a street lamp in the darkness, Hikari leaned against the pole, her hands deep in her pockets. Falling snowflakes rested on the wide brim of her hat, sheltering her smiling face.
“Vibe check!” Ranma crowed as she reached her girlfriend, hopping up to give her a peck on the cheek.
Hikari chuckled, snaking a hand around Ranma’s waist, pulling her in close. “You all done in there?”
“Yeah, me n’ ‘Kane did all the witnessin’ we had to do. Pops and Mr. Tendo still gotta sign some stuff.”
“Heh…my first bona fide Ranma Saotome shenanigan.”
Ranma smiled, reaching one hand up to cup Hikari’s face. Her thumb gently rubbed against the dark circle under one eye. “Keep it up, you’ll probably get roped into a lot more.”
Even as she smiled, Hikari shivered. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, but your hands are so cold.”
“I think you’re rubbing off on me…” Ranma grinned mischievously. Her braid twitched, catlike, and two sprigs of hair atop her head seemed to perk up, like a pair of cat ears. “You better take responsibility and warm them up!” She quickly thrust her cold hands under Hikari’s coat and shirt, rubbing them against her bare stomach.
“Ranma!” Hikari doubled over laughing, cringing against Ranma. “S-stop! Cold! So cold!”
Ranma quickly snaked one hand up to cup Hikari’s face once more, pulling her close.
The laughter faded away into giggles as their lips met, under the streetlamp, as snow fell around them.
Eventually, Ranma pulled away. “Your hands might be cold all the time, but I think your lips might be the warmest thing ever.”
Hikari chuckled low. “You sure? Wanna check again?”
“Absolutely.”
As the two kissed once more, the mood was soured by a voice from someone passing by them in the darkness:
“Ugh. You two are disgusting,” the stranger sneered at them.
Not looking away from Ranma’s face, Hikari raised one flat palm toward the stranger. “Chimpanzee Bolt.”
With a flash of light and an enraged screech, the stranger was thrown backward in the grasp of a murderous ape, the two falling to the snow-covered ground.
Ignoring the sounds of magical ape mauling behind them, Hikari smirked. “Shall we go?”
Ranma giggled, nudging closer against her girlfriend. “Yeah, let’s.”
Hikari reached deep into her coat, and with a clatter, dropped a Roomba onto the ground.
Still holding each other close, Ranma and Hikari stepped onto the top of the round, flat vacuum.
The Roomba began to whirr as it slowly raised into the air, hovering higher and higher above the streets and buildings.
Holding her girlfriend, study partner, and sometimes Familiar close, the Witch of Nerima ascended higher and higher, flying over buildings toward home, until the two vanished from view.
The End