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Chapter Text

Scathing

"You dishonoured everyone with a trident by doing what you did! You are dismissed. Go get cleaned up and rack out." Joe's scathing rebuke made Steve bite down on his bottom lip as he kept his head ducked and turned to walk away as Joe's dismissal stung however Steve knew when he was in the wrong.

Freddie winced at the telling off that Steve had gotten as no one deserved to be reprimanded loudly and publicly in the manner that Steve was especially considering that if it had not been for Steve and the actions he took the entire team would have been injured or killed as they had been double crossed and led straight into a trap. He watched for a few moments as Steve walked out of the room until the door was closed behind him and he slowly returned his focus to Commanding Officer Joe White.

Joe looked at the remaining men who stood in front of him in varying degrees of dirtiness, weariness and exhaustion and there were several superficial cuts and abrasions that needed to be taken care of. "You are on stand down for the next twenty four hours while we see what information we can get on the breach suffered unless anything emergent comes in." He paused and arched an eyebrow as he had not missed the way Freddie’s eyes had lingered on Steve even after the door had closed behind him. "Everyone out except you Hart." He dismissed the rest of the team keeping up his gruff exterior.

Oh joy, Freddie thought sarcastically even as he remained at attention as he wanted to check on Steve not to mention have a hot shower and rack out. "Sir?" He questioned lowly as soon as the rest of the team had exited the small box that served as their TOC (Tactical Operations Centre) for the time being.

There was seldom a time that Joe was grateful for an empty room but he was this time. "At ease Freddie." He instructed knowing the use of 'Freddie' rather than 'Hart' would clue Freddie into the shift of conversation, and it had the desired effect as Freddie relaxed.

"I'm going to check on McGarrett as soon as I am dismissed." Freddie tilted his head to the side once he had finished speaking although he had to forcefully stop himself from saying any more like how he strongly disagreed with the verbal reprimand that had been delivered. He did not need to be told to check on Steve especially not by Joe. "What he did saved all of us." Apparently he could not help himself as the words came out of his mouth unleashed and he shifted his feet to widen his stanch. "If it had not been for him and his actions all of our families would be getting visits from CAO's (Casualty Assistance Officer) right about now."

Joe turned his head to the side for a few moments and he let out a shaky exhale as he knew Freddie was right about Steve's actions but at the same time it was not something he wanted repeated ever. He looked back at Freddie and shook his head softly before he sighed heavily. "I know. I just don't want him going home in a body bag either." He admitted in a moment of rare honesty. "The goddamn man always has to go through the door first and now he is playing toss the live grenade back where it came from with barely a second to spare..." He cut himself off as he did not need to share any more of his thoughts. "Go get him right." It came out as an order but he knew Freddie could when he could not in the position that he was.

Freddie resisted the urge to give Joe a sarcastic salute as it was unbecoming of him and he had to bite down on his bottom lip not to say something equally sarcastic. Instead he nodded his head once before he took his leave. The stifling almost suffocating heat of the air hit him and he squinted against the rising sun as he stifled a yawn. Logically he knew Steve would not have gone to get cleaned up or rack out, not because he was disobeying a direct order but because Steve had a habit of going off to 'lick his wounds' in private when he could even on a base thousands of miles away from home, as he would wait until the rest of the team were sorted. "I guess it is time for another game of hide and seek with you McGarrett." He grumbled under his breath as he took a few moments to survey the base while he tried to figure out where to start.

Outside and away from prying eyes Steve let his shoulders slump once he had eased his weary and aching body down onto an old discarded wooden crate that he had found by the vacant supply building. He bowed his head and ran his hand through his sweat soaked hair cringing at the grittiness of the sand that was littered throughout and was inescapable. A shudder involuntarily ran through him as he dropped his hands down to hang loosely between his knees and he forced himself to inhale then exhale slowly several times over. He blinked owlishly as he realised his hands were trembling and he hurriedly curled his fingers into his palms while he ducked his head a little more so his chin was tucked into his chest. What was I thinking? He silently reprimanded himself even though Joe had already said enough. The grenade had barely left his hand before it had exploded knocking him to the ground even though he had already been on his way down.

The last place that Freddie looked was of course where he found Steve and he was not the least bit surprised. He stopped and tilted his head to the side before he sighed softly and closed the distance between them. "The reality of what you did finally setting in, huh?" He kept his voice low so that it did not carry any further then it needed too.

Steve's chest hitched and he grimaced at the discomfort it caused. " 'eave 'e 'lone." He grumbled at Freddie although he knew it would do nothing to deter Freddie.

A hoarse sounding chuckle left Freddie at Steve's petulant almost childlike response however he was trained to be observant and he had not missed how Steve's hands were shaking. He paused for a few more seconds to see if Steve would look up at him but when Steve deliberately remained still as if he was a statue he huffed and crouched down. A frown marred his forehead as his eyes searched over Steve and it deepened as he took in the way Steve was holding himself. "You are hurt." It was not a question but rather a statement even though Steve would try and refute it. "Make this easy on the both of us and tell me where it hurts." He did his upmost to keep his voice soft yet with an err of authority in it as he knew Steve would deny it.

" 'eave 'e 'lone." Steve reiterated despite it being pointless as he knew Freddie would not go away. With a little difficulty he unfurled his fingers as he bought his hand up to the side of his neck and scrubbed at the grime covered skin ignoring the pain that rippled through him at the touch.

Freddie only barely managed to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. "Stop that!" He chastised with a soft slap to Steve's wrist in an effort to stop him scrubbing at the inflamed skin of his neck. "You and I both know I am not going away." Even though you will make a damn good effort to try and push me away, he thought as they went through a similar routine every damn time. "So quit saying 'leave me alone'." There was a hint of warning in his tone as sometimes he did not understand Steve. "And co-operate." He ignored the half-hearted glare as Steve finally looked at him as he began yanking at Steve's vest to rid him of it so he could get a clearer assessment of what was really going on.

A bitter sounding huff left Steve even as he forced his weary body to lean back and straighten up as they were at the point where it was better (easier and less painful) just to comply with Freddie who was mercilessly attacking his vest to get him out of it. "I can do it." He grumbled as he made a half-hearted attempt at slapping Freddie's fast moving hands away from him which was a fruitless effort as the pressure of his heavy vest was released causing him to gasp.

The gasp from Steve made Freddie freeze but it just confirmed his theory that Steve was hurt and withholding it although knowing Steve he probably did not realise he was hurt. "Now, are you going to make this easy and tell me where it hurts or do I need to continue forcibly stripping you?" He lifted Steve's vest up and off of him then set it down in the sand off to the side.

Not without buying me dinner first was on the tip of Steve's tongue but he suppressed the urge to say it. He let his eyelids slide closed and inhaled slowly as he did a mental assessment of how he felt because he had to discern the most painful areas of his body. He forced his heavy eyelids up and set his eyes on Freddie before he sighed heavily. "We're not talking about what happened back there." In fact he did not want to talk at all about any of it. "I'm fine." He shook his head ignoring the headache he had as he had been far too close to the grenade when it had gone off.

This time Freddie did roll his eyes. "I didn't say anything about it." He tugged on Steve's shirt to free it from where it was tucked tightly into his pants and endured another attempt at having his hands slapped away. "Stop that." He growled as it was not going to accomplish anything. "And you are so far from fine that you can't even see it." He grumbled under his breath but he felt Steve tense even harder so he finally backed off holding his hands up in a surrendering manner.

Steve blew out a relieved breath although it was not without protest from his aching body. He tugged the damp fabric of his shirt away from his sweat slicked skin. "I'm no worse off than anyone else." There was not one single member of his team that did not have scrapes, scratches and bruises yet Freddie was not fussing over them.

A dubious sounding hum came from Freddie as he settled himself on the sand covered ground in front of Steve with his legs splayed as he divested himself of his own vest. "Your proximity to the grenade suggests otherwise Steve." His voice was flat as his eyes continued their assessment and after only a few seconds his frown deepened at the dark smear on the side of Steve's shirt which with a sinking feeling he knew was blood. "You are bleeding." Somehow he had an inkling that Steve had no idea that he was bleeding although from where he was sitting it did not look too serious however he would not make a rush judgement.

"Huh." Steve's nose wrinkled as he looked down and found the stain marring the fabric of his shirt. He frowned as he twisted his head to the side and pulled his shirt up revealing a rather large gash that he had not even felt. "Oh."

Freddie winced loudly and he was sure his eyes bulged out as he got his first look at the gaping bloodied wound to Steve's side. "And you're fine." He huffed as he took a few moments to gauge whether he could persuade Steve to go to the infirmary to get treated but he quickly determined that it would not happen so they were on their own. "You gonna let me clean and sew you up or are you gonna fight me on it?" There was a hint of resignation in his voice as he had seen Steve attempt to clean and stitch himself up on more than one occasion only for him to have to takeover.

The gash looked like it could easily become infected if left untreated, Steve knew the chances were high as he scrubbed his hand over the side of his face and now that he was aware of the wound he was also cognizant of the pain. Relenting did not come easy to him ever but something inside of him unwound as he looked at Freddie who was watching him closely and he nodded his head softly. "You can do it." He advised as he was just relieved that Freddie was not forcing (forcibly dragging) him to the infirmary.

Any other time Freddie would have gawked at Steve's surprising acceptance without a hint of a fight as he had come to expect but he was too tired to question the lack of fight. "This is going to hurt." He warned as he began to rifle through the first aid kit he had picked up while he had been looking for Steve.

"Yeah..." Steve was not disillusioned enough to think that it would not hurt as previous experience assured him of that. "Just do what you have too." He scrubbed his hand across his face again as he was resigned to what had to happen. "It's fine."

It's not fine, Freddie wanted to yell but instead he bit down on his bottom lip as he pulled out what he needed and began to treat the nasty wound.

Compartmentalisation was something that Steve excelled at and he detached from the pain as soon as Freddie started working on the wound. He looked far out into the distance as Joe's words, the scathing words, that were delivered with such disappointment replayed over and over in his mind and the more he turned them over the more confused he became. Arguably picking up a live grenade and throwing it away from himself and his team with only seconds to go before it exploded was not one of his brightest ideas however it had been an instinctual reaction born out of the protective streak that ran deep inside of him, and there had been nowhere for the team to shelter effectively from it. Whether Joe agreed or not with his actions he had saved his brothers.

Freddie hated few things in the world so vehemently but one of those things was the way Steve could completely detach as if he had disassociated from everything but whatever it was that was going through his mind. He blew out a heavy breath as he made a mental note to keep a closer than usual eye on Steve for the next few (several) days as he knew what had been said would manifest itself in some way (that would be considered unhealthy). With the last stitch placed then tied off, he laid a large waterproof bandage over top and tugged Steve's top down. "McGarrett." He barked harshly while he stripped off the pair of gloves he had put on and then gathered up the few bits of rubbish his first aid had created.

Steve blinked harshly at the sharpness of his last name and he drew in a slow inhale before his blinking turned owlish as his eyes settled back on Freddie. "Finished?" His forehead furrowed minutely as he looked down to see his shirt back in place before he once again looked at Freddie. "Thanks."

I just know we aren't going anywhere for a while, Freddie resigned himself to the delay despite how much both he and Steve needed a shower, food and sleep in that order. Despite how much he wanted to ask Steve what he was thinking he knew such a question would have him being told to go away and he did not have the energy to go through that stage again. He let out a soft sigh as he settled himself a little more comfortably stretching out as he prepared himself for a long wait.

The sigh from Freddie was unmissable and it made Steve tilt his head to the side. "You don't have to stay." I'd rather you didn't stay was what he stopped himself from saying. It was not fair to Freddie to sit loyally with him when the exhaustion was as torturous as it was.

"I know... And you know that you saved our asses by doing what you did even though you got reamed out for it." Clearly Freddie's brain to mouth filter had a breakdown as he could not stop the words from coming out of his mouth.

"Don't want to talk about it." Steve growled vehemently as the sting of Joe's words was not going to lessen by speaking about them.

Freddie held his hands up in a surrendering manner as it was the reaction he expected from Steve. "Okay but thanks brother." And that was all he was going to say unless Steve opened the conversation up for discussion once more.

A ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of Steve's lips and he let his eyelids slide closed as he did his upmost to lock down all of the thoughts and feelings that were swarming around inside of him because he needed to in order to be mission ready. And silently he was relieved that Freddie was close by despite his insistence that he leave. For now he had to pull himself together as the end of the deployment was coming up fast and they still had targets to achieve.

Chapter Text

Most Precious Thing

Being stuck inside the wire on base while the rest of the team were outside of it completing a mission that he should have been leading if not for an overreacting doctor who benched him for a slight fever had Steve pacing the dirt covered compound like a caged animal. And the only reason he was outside was because as soon as the team had started to EXFIL he had been ordered out of the tactical operations centre (TOC) by Commanding Officer Joe While as he was 'driving everyone crazy'.

A loud whistle perforated the early morning air and it had Steve spinning around to see Freddie walking (swaggering) straight towards him while the rest of the team gave him a wave or nod or smirk as they headed straight to stow their gear and then for the showers. His forehead furrowed and he blinked owlishly while he squinted at Freddie wondering if the low grade fever had spiked causing him to hallucinate.

"I thought you were confined to your bed McGarrett." Freddie drawled knowing Steve had literally growled at the doctor who dared to bench him. "And no, you aren't seeing things."

Steve swiped his hand heavily across his face before he let his hand fall away and he blinked heavily as his eyes fell on the tiny squirming bundle that Freddie had held with one hand against his vest. "That's a puppy." He stated dumbly as if he had never seen a live one before but he was struggling to reconcile what he was seeing.

A chuckle left Freddie at Steve's simple statement as he stroked the top of the puppy's head. "It is." He confirmed with a smile as he fought not to roll his eyes.

"Where did you get a puppy?" The question came out slowly as Steve was still struggling to reconcile that Freddie had somehow managed to pick up a puppy while on target during a mission.

The confusion was kind of endearing to Freddie and he smiled widely at it. "This little girl was all alone whimpering in a burnt out building in the middle of a war zone... I couldn't just leave her there." He pouted deliberately as he refrained from telling Steve that the mother and the remaining puppies had all been lifeless when he had come across them and he was not heartless or cruel enough to leave the sweet brindle girl to starve to death.

Steve softened as he understood a little something about being left alone and the puppy had to be the runt of the litter given how small she was. "Yeah, okay..." He murmured lightly as he reached out and gently stroked a single fingertip down the puppy's back. “What are you going to do with her?" It was a practical question given where they were and for the fact that they were ill equipped for her needs not to mention he was sure it was against some regulation or another.

Freddie gave a half hearted shrug although it was not lost on him that Steve's attention was not on him but on the squirming bundle in his hand. "Well I figured I could give her to you so you could give her a bath while I take a shower and get my AAR (After Action Report) completed then I will figure out what she can eat." It was a long shot and he half expected Steve to refuse.

A scowl marred Steve's face for a few seconds before he relaxed as he got a tiny lick to the hand. "You are being purposefully obtuse Hart." He grumbled as he had not been asking about the immediate but rather the long term of what was going to happen with the puppy.

A light and short chuckle left Freddie at Steve's grumble. "Yeah." He grinned cheekily as he could admit he was being obtuse.

Steve would have rolled his eyes if not for the headache he had to go along with the fever.  "Give her here." There was something about the tiny pup that drew him in although he would be hard pressed to admit it. "The sooner the paperwork is done the happier the brass will be." It was a textbook operation as far as Steve was concerned even with the tiny stowaway.

"I knew you couldn't resist this adorable little girl." Freddie grinned shamelessly as he gently transferred the puppy into Steve's awaiting hands and the grin melted into something softer as he watched Steve cradle her against his own body.

"Go and sort yourself out Hart." Steve ordered half heartedly before he blew out an unsteady breath as he shifted his focus to the squirming pup in his hands whose short fur was gritty feeling as it was full of dust, dirt and whatever else that he would rather not think about.

A booming laugh escaped Freddie and he gave Steve a lazy salute before he turned around and began to walk in the direction of the showers as he was ripe enough to need one.

Crazy man, Steve thought as he shook his head even as he smiled as he watched Freddie walk away. The squirming puppy made his smile grow as he readjusted the hold he had on her. "Alright. Bath time." He frowned momentarily as he realised he needed a sink and idly he wondered if soap would be a suitable substitute for a specialty soap for dogs. He shook his head again as he began walking towards the laundry room as it had a trough sink and it would be empty given the early hour so it was the ideal place to bathe the puppy.

It took a couple of minutes for Steve to reach the laundry room as he had detoured to the supply shed to pick up a small bar of soap. He slung a freshly laundered towel over his shoulder once he had placed the puppy down in the sink after the water had warmed up. "I think you need a name even if its just a temporary one." He mumbled to the puppy as he cupped his hand to fill it with water then gently poured it over her. "But a name means attachment..." He sighed as getting attached was a dangerous thing even to a dog.

A whimper left the drenched puppy and she tried to scoot and cower in the corner of the sink as soon as Steve began to lather her up with the bar of soap he had picked up. "I'm sorry puppy." He felt guilty for making her shy away which is why he apologised even as he continued to make quick work of thoroughly lathering the small wiggly body up. "It won't be too much longer." He quickly soothed his thumb over the top of her head right between her small but very floppy ears before he set about rinsing the soap off.

"All done." Steve turned off the flowing water then grabbed the towel that was slung over his shoulder while he lifted the puppy up out of the sink. "Yeah, that is better, puppy." Diligently he wrapped the towel securely around the puppy then held her close to his chest as he dried her off as best as he could.

There was a moment when Steve went to step away from the sink but the world spun viciously around him and it took everything in him to stay upright. He squeezed his eyelids shut and blew out a shaky breath as he waited for the dizziness to pass. He tentatively raised his eyelids up, blinked heavily, and blew out another heavy breath as he was unsure of why he had been struck by the wave of dizziness but what he did know was that it was troublesome.

The feel of a small wet sandpaper like tongue against Steve's hand made him return his focus to the puppy who was determined all of a sudden to get out of the towel. "Okay." It took a couple of seconds for him to unravel the squirming bundle from the towel. Only Freddie could rescue such a demanding little puppy, he thought thoroughly amused as he tossed the wet towel onto a pile that had to be laundered and held her to him. "I am going to do what I should have done when I got benched." Now that the team was safe and the stress had been replaced by relief that they were all back safe he had to admit (to himself at least) that whatever illness he had picked up was catching up with him and he felt lousy.

The early morning sun had Steve squinting against it as soon as he stepped out of the makeshift laundrette and he hurried across to the relatively empty compound to his temporary room on base that he shared with Freddie. He retreated into the darkness of the tiny room with a relieved sigh although he had to blink at the change from light to dark. And he paused for several prolonged seconds as he deliberated on what to do with the puppy however he quickly made his mind up as he found himself swallowing thickly so he laid down on the thin, highly uncomfortable, pad that was supposed to pass as a mattress and settled the puppy on his stomach.

Steve let his eyelids slide closed feeling as the puppy squirmed around and he let out a soft chuckle as the puppy managed to squirm her way up to and settle on his chest right over his heart. Absentmindedly he curled his hand around the contented puppy to make sure she did not slide off of him and exhaled slowly as he certainly had felt better.

There was something extra fantastic about having a hot shower, Freddie thought as he meandered his way back to the room he shared with Steve as he had been expecting the water to be ice cold. A big yawn left him and he scrubbed his hand over the side of his face enjoying the freshly shaven feeling more than he cared to admit. He rolled his shoulders for the umpteenth time before he looked around trying to spot where McGarrett had gone with the puppy he had rescued. How a man as tall as McGarrett manages to hide is beyond me, he thought to himself with a shake of his head as he continued on his way.

The bright light from the morning sun streamed into the darkened room from behind Freddie and it made him stop as a big grin (smirk) broke out on his face. The sight of Steve stretched out on his rack (bed) was not unusual but the sight of Steve cradling the tiny puppy to his chest was highly unusual. I can't wait to tell Kelly about this, he thought with a growing grin as he wished he had a camera to capture the moment however the grin dimmed as he realised Steve had to be feeling a lot worse than he was letting on given that he was asleep already.

With every ounce of stealth that Freddie possessed he managed to tiptoe across the tiny room to put his stuff down before he paused and deliberated whether to move the puppy off of Steve's chest or not. However he quickly decided against it as he did not feel like getting a fist to the face or a hand wrapped around his throat squeezing off his air supply as he knew Steve was always on alert even when unwell. Another yawn left him as he eased his weary body down onto his rack and he made a mental note to check on Steve and the puppy in an hour or so.

"Stop." Steve grumbled without raising his eyelids as he had been dozing lightly but he was aware the moment Freddie stepped into their small room. "You are going to have to figure out what to do with this little girl soon."

A low chuckle left Freddie and he rolled his eyes even though he had expected it as he knew they could not keep the puppy however it did not mean he could not get her back to the States if he was crafty enough. "I will." He confirmed as he rolled his head to the side to look at Steve who remained unmoved. "After we have slept." And maybe after a few more days as he was sure that the small puppy would be good for everyone but especially Steve who had her cradled against him like she was the most precious thing to him in that moment.

Chapter Text

To Do In Part Alone

It was always a frightening moment watching a brother, a friend, get shot multiple times and stumble even with a bullet proof vest on, and Freddie pivoted to take out the tango who had shot Steve as they continued to EXFIL to the helo.

"Get us out of here!" Steve ordered sharply half way into the helo as he clasped Freddie on the shoulder who was climbing in next to him as the rest of the team were in. He collapsed back against the side of the helo with his rifle at the ready even though an air strike was imminent as soon as they were clear.

Freddie stole a few seconds to glance across at Steve and he lightly kicked his combat covered toes against Steve's ankle. "You good?" He had to yell to be heard over the noise that was surrounding them as he could see the impacted bullets glistening from where they were caught in Steve's vest and lodged in the plate.

Steve scowled at Freddie for a few seconds as he fought to catch his breath as it was a whole lot harder than it had been moments before. "I'm fine."

The answer was classic McGarrett, Freddie thought unable to stop himself from rolling his eyes but before he could respond the helo banked to the left causing him and everyone else to brace.

There was a relieved exhale that escaped Freddie as the helo finally levelled out and they were relatively safe for the moment. He looked around at the rest of the team seeing they were all in high spirits now that the mission was complete before his eyes settled on Steve who was pointedly looking out over the landscape below that was whizzing by. Surreptitiously he kept his eyes on Steve watching with concern as he held himself taut and his breath kept hitching which appeared painful. Sometimes you are your own worst enemy brother, he thought as he knew to Steve admitting to being hurt was a form of weakness.

With as little movement as possible Steve bought his hand up to the top of his vest, curled his fingers around the thickly padded collar, and gently tugged at it pulling it away from his body as much as he could (which was not very far). Vests were fitted tight to give the best protection to one's body and usually wearing one would not bother him in the slightest but he found it increasingly constricting and not even the small amount of space he had managed to create helped. The stinging sensation that peppered his torso only seemed to be growing and transforming into solid pain although he did not care to admit it. He shifted, arching his back, and had to stifle a wince as his breath caught. He did his best to attempt to catch his breath to no avail as he pointedly avoided looking at Freddie and instead he looked out into the distance seeing the base which he was glad to see.

"Stubborn son of a bitch." Freddie murmured under his breath knowing it would be lost in all the noise that surrounded him as he continued to watch Steve struggle. A quick glance at his watch told him they were right on schedule and they would be landing momentarily on base.

Steve tugged a little sharper on the collar of his vest in an ill advised attempt to relieve the pressure building in his chest. He swallowed thickly before he blew out a stunted breath which only made him feel worse and he frowned monumentally as it did not make sense considering he had caught a bullet to the vest before. A stifled grunt slipped past his lips unbidden as the helo hit the ground hard and he forced his weary body out of it.

Freddie watched as Steve faltered and as subtly as he could he took the place at Steve's side letting the rest of the team walk ahead of them. "Come with me." It wasn't a request even though he did not have the authority to order Steve around, and he wrapped his hand around Steve's elbow in an attempt to steer him to where he wanted to go.

"I'm fine." Of course Freddie knew he was hurting, Steve thought a little begrudgingly even as he let himself be steered where Freddie wanted him to go.

"Uh-huh... That is why your breathing is off." And it only seemed to be growing worse went unsaid by Freddie as the concern grew within him. "How many rounds did you catch?"

A grunt left Steve as he did not have an accurate count of how many bullets he had taken, that his vest had caught, and he was using almost all of his energy staying upright and breathing. "I'm fine." He reiterated followed by another grunt as he finally realised where Freddie was leading him. "I don't need the infirmary." He grumbled even though he knew it was pointless as they were practically already there.

Freddie shook his head as he rolled his eyes and tightened the hold he had on the strap of Steve's rifle as he half expected Steve to bolt. "We are here and you are getting checked out so the doctor can tell me that you are fine." He hoped it was strongly inferred that there was no other choice (and there really wasn't as one look at Steve by a Commanding Officer would have him straight back to the infirmary).

"Fine." Steve relented with a grumble even though he knew Freddie was right about him needing to be checked out as he would be forced too one way or another.

Finally, Freddie thought although he suspected the battle was only just beginning. He dragged Steve into the infirmary and forcefully pushed him down onto the first unoccupied gurney that they came across. "Yo doc!" He waved at the doctor. "Got a patient for you." He managed to get out before a steel toed boot met his shin causing him to let out a grunt of his own.

"Freddie!" Steve hissed as soon as his boot had connected. "Quiet." Sometimes the man had no decorum especially when they were in places that required quietness like the infirmary where others were being treated or snoozing. "It's not urgent." Although he was still struggling to catch his breath and it was worsening as time went by.

"Let me be the judge of that gentlemen." Doctor Callum Scott slung his stethoscope around his neck as he reached the two men having had more than one interaction with them and the rest of the team for all sorts of minor injuries during this tour. "You appear out of breath McGarrett." He was glad they could dispense with the formalities of their ranks. "What happened?"

"McGarrett decided he is a lead collector doc." Freddie answered with a grin getting his answer out before Steve could even open his mouth.

Steve kicked his booted foot out again but Freddie was ready for it and moved out of the way. "Go 'way." He gasped as his lungs felt constricted as if they were suddenly too small for him, and he forced himself to begin to divest himself of his weapons and vest in an effort to give his chest more room to expand.

Doctor Scott smiled even as he shook his head at both men. "Hart, why don't you count and pull the impacted rounds out of McGarrett's vest so I can know what we are dealing with?" As close as the two men were he could understand why McGarrett wanted a little space and he had to stifle a chuckle as the question  (suggestion) was barely out of his mouth when said vest smacked Freddie in the face.

A exaggerated huff left Freddie once he had caught Steve's destroyed vest and pulled out a pair of cutters from the front of his own vest. "I know when someone is trying to dismiss me..." He grumbled and paused as a nurse shoved a plastic salmon coloured emesis basin into his already full hands. "And I am not leaving." He declared but he did have the decency to move across to the empty chair in the corner of the cubicle and sit himself down.

Being relieved of the restrictive vest helped ease the tiniest bit of the pressure which Steve quickly came to appreciate despite how he continued to gasp for air. "Don't... waste... your... breath... doc." He had to draw in a breath between each word as he recognised the stubborn set of Freddie's jaw as he made himself comfortable in the chair in the corner.

"I am going to get some oxygen on you as soon as your shirt is off because I need to examine you." There was a hint of concern in Doctor Scott's voice as he did not like the wheezing sound. "Alannah, I want labs with full oxygenation readings and chest x-rays."

A high pitched noise of dismay left Freddie after every clink of the impacted bullets against the plastic of the basin. "Five." He announced once he had counted the bullets again. "Your vest caught five bullets." And what was worse was that they were not grouped together instead they were spread right across the width of the chest plate of Steve's vest.

If Steve had not already been struggling to catch his breath then his breath definitely would have hitched at the sight of his chest and it was immediately apparent why he was struggling to breathe. His entire chest was mottled with bruising that was still blooming in various shades of various colours. "Oh." His forehead furrowed as the single word came out breathless sounding and he caught the concerned look on Doctor Scott's face before he could school it. "That's not good." He did not need a medical professional to confirm what he already knew.

There was nothing minor about what Doctor Scott was seeing even without the imaging he had requested. "McGarrett I need you to gently ease yourself back on the bed and we are going to put an oxygen mask on you. I need you to breathe in as deeply as you can on every breath." He moved to raise the head of the bed up to a forty five degree angle. "I think you have a pulmonary contusion and at least a couple of fractured ribs." He quickly grabbed the oxygen mask and turned the flow of oxygen with the flow rate set to one hundred percent. "Here. This will help." He carefully placed the mask on.

The rush of oxygen was very welcome and Steve collapsed back against the sheet covered gurney as he forced his lungs to draw in as much oxygen as possible every single breath. Fractured ribs were not a stranger to him as he had suffered from them before but he had never had a pulmonary contusion however he certainly was aware of the dangers of them. The pinch of the pulse oximeter as it closed around his finger caused him to flinch involuntarily and he was unable to stop the floor of panic that coursed through him. And his eyes skittered aimlessly around the room.

Unceremoniously Freddie dumped everything out of his hands at the first signs of Steve's panic as it did not surprise him and he pushed himself out of the chair. He stopped abruptly as the nurse's gloved hand landed on his chest and he immediately glowered at her.

Alannah, the nurse, would have rolled her eyes if not for the genuine concern she could see in Hart. "Just let us get the x-ray and then you can go over there." She murmured softly before she let her hand fall away.

The x-ray only confirmed Doctor Scott's initial suspicion and it helped confirm the treatment plan that he already had in mind and had already partially enacted. "You have a pulmonary contusion and three broken ribs on your right side." He looked closer at the black and white image and he was immediately concerned about one of the ribs and the way it had broken.

Freddie watched as Steve's forehead furrowed and he quickly turned his attention to where Steve's was which was on Doctor Scott who was looking at the x-ray again. "What's wrong doc?" He asked not liking the way he was looking at it and he moved closer to the foot of the gurney.

A soft albeit hesitate sigh left Doctor Scott as he turned to look at his patient and his friend. "I better not play poker with either of you." He tried for light and airy although it fell flat as both men clearly understood the seriousness of what was unsaid. "I am concerned that one of your ribs is impinging on your lung and if you move wrong then it could puncture it." And if that did happen then it would be an entirely new level of trouble. "We are going to administer you some pain relief to help with the pain and I want you to try and limit your movement." They would monitor things closely.

A huff quickly turned into a pained groan that was muffled by the oxygen mask and blindly Steve's hands scrambled to protect his ribs. "No." He managed to gasp out the single word.

The forceful albeit breathless 'no' from Steve came as a surprise to Freddie although it just signalled to him that the battle was waging on. "No to what?" He asked with a shared look with the doc who looked just as surprised at the outburst as he felt.

Steve glowered at Freddie and his question before he reached out to tug off the oxygen mask despite how much it was helping him to breath. "No pain medication." He rasped before he gasped as the difference without the oxygen mask was palpable.

Team guys, Doctor Scott thought tiredly and he could not stop himself from sighing heavily. "Mask back on McGarrett." He ordered even as he took the mask and put it back in place. "I know I am only going to regret asking this but why are you refusing pain relief?" It had to stem from somewhere but he would not know if he did not ask. "We need to control the pain to reduce the risk of complications." He had to say it so McGarrett understood the implications if he continued to refuse any and all pain medication.

"Because he's a stubborn bastard." Freddie grumbled loudly and deliberately as he pinched the bridge of his nose then rubbed at it as he should have known that Steve would make it difficult.

The glower on Steve's face turned into a full scowl at Freddie's grumbling as he was not just being stubborn. "Am not." He mumbled rather petulantly just before his chest hitched painfully which his ribs protested loudly causing him to groan. "No... pain meds." He managed to gasp out firmly (or at least he hoped it sounded firm).

"Okay." Doctor Scott agreed albeit reluctantly to his patient's wishes. "But if the pain gets worse or you can't stay still then we will be revisiting this conversation." He would not let his patient suffer needlessly. "Now I will leave you to rest and come check on you in a little while... Behave Hart, don't irritate my patient."

"I always behave doc." Freddie called over his shoulder as the doctor took his leave from the makeshift cubicle before he turned his attention back to Steve and he moved to sit on the edge of the gurney.

A choked off laugh had Steve coughing then quickly gasping as he continued to struggle to breathe which was a terrifying feeling in itself. Hastily he tried to fill his lungs with the high flow oxygen as he did his very best not to panic which was not easy.

Freddie let his eyes dart to the monitor that showed Steve's vitals and he had enough understanding to know that if the respiratory rate dipped any lower that things would become a lot more worrisome. "You gotta calm down brother." He softened even though his own worry was spiking and he knew if the roles were reversed that Steve would be doing the same despite the aloofness that he sometimes displayed.

Being told to calm down was never helpful, Steve continued to try and draw in deep breath after deep breath even though it hurt to do so. He dropped his head down back against the pillow and let his eyelids slip closed as the pain was a constant alongside the heavy weight of it. "You should go check in with Command." It took a lot in him to get the words out as his chest heaved uncomfortably and he dragged in ragged breath after ragged breath.

"The team will let them know where we are brother." Freddie assured Steve quietly as the man always put duty before himself which was detrimental at times. "You focus on breathing."

A choked off huff came from Steve even as he continued to desperately draw in air and tried to disassociate from the pain. "I am." He wheezed out without raising his head or lifting his heavy eyelids as he was completely exhausted now that the adrenaline had ebbed away.

There was nothing to do but wait and watch and hope that Steve's pulmonary contusion did not worsen as the worst thing would be if a ventilator was required. Watching a brother, a best friend, get hurt was hard but losing Steve was not a possibility he ever wanted to even think about or entertain, Freddie thought as he kept looking between Steve and the monitor whilst being thankful that it was the infirmary they were at. "I don't have anywhere to be brother." He murmured lightly as he silently pledged to stay where he was for as long as he could as Steve battled a battle that he had to do in part alone but not entirely, and if he pretended not to notice how Steve relaxed marginally then that was only for him to know.

Chapter Text

Wallpapering

A heavy sigh echoed around the cage room as Steve stopped in front of his cage seeing that Freddie had been trying his hand at interior decorating once again.

Another sigh albeit heavier left him as he curled his hand around the wire as he pulled the door open and let his eyes scan over his new 'wallpaper'. "Freddie and Kelly." He grumbled or rather growled as he resisted the urge to rip all of the pieces of paper down then shred them all to pieces and instead he shook his head as he focused on getting his things together so he could head out for the day.

Steve shook his head again albeit a little slower as he blew out a long, slow, breath feeling the weight of the day land heavily on his shoulders. The last thing he needed was Freddie hassling him again about his living situation because Freddie had suddenly deemed it inadequate although he strongly suspected it was Kelly's influence behind it.

With a soft near inaudible groan, Steve shouldered the strap of his duffel bag making a mental note to get to the laundry sooner rather than later otherwise he was going to run out of clean clothes. He rolled his neck to the side trying to work out the tightness of it and he scrubbed his hand over the side of his neck digging his fingertips in hard.

The sound of the heavy door opening caught Steve's attention and automatically he dropped his hand away from his neck and straightened up as his weariness faded into the background. He let the door to his cage slam shut behind him and he rolled his eyes as soon as he laid eyes on Freddie. "What are you still doing here?" He asked without preamble as it was late and everyone else had left base hours ago.

Freddie chuckled softly at the blunt delivery of Steve's question. "I had some things to do and I got signed off by the physical therapist and the doc so I am officially back to active duty brother." A bullet to the shoulder had kept him grounded from a mission in Algeria but he was officially cleared.

An unintelligible grumble left Steve as he was glad that Freddie was off of the injured list but he knew exactly what Freddie had been up to as the evidence was plastered up all over his cage.

A broad grin stretched across Freddie's face at Steve's grumbling. "It's okay. I know you missed me McGarrett." He spoke cheekily as he grabbed his own backpack and slung it over his shoulder. "You want to come have dinner with me and Kel?" He offered as he figured Steve would settle for a MRE or a protein shake otherwise.

Steve shook his head declining the offer. "No thanks." He just wanted to have a night where he was not hassled about his living situation when there was nothing wrong with living on base and he was not the only one who did it.

The grin on Freddie's face fell away and he mildly cocked his head to the side taking in Steve's dejected demeanour. "Everything  go okay with Command?" He asked as he knew Steve had been called in over an incident with one of the team as Oliver 'Agro' O'Shea had gotten drunk and disorderly which led him to being detained by local PD and Steve had to pick him up first thing in the morning.

"It went about as well as expected. O'Shea is on thin ice and Command is completely unimpressed with him and his actions." Steve could not say much more as there were still some things to be finalised that were out  of his control. "It is nowhere close to being finished."

"I am glad you are the one dealing with it brother." Freddie was relieved that he was not the one dealing with Command in regards to this particular incident. "Any of those listings Kelly and I found for you take your fancy?" He figured he would ask as he and Kelly had found at least a hundred local listings of apartments, townhouses and standalone houses that were all military friendly. "What?"

Steve spared a few seconds to glance back over his shoulder at his property listings lined cage before he scrubbed his hand over his face as he turned to look back at Freddie with a heavy sigh. "I have a place." He shrugged his shoulders half heartedly as he did have a place to stay.

With a sigh, Freddie rolled his eyes at the simplicity of Steve's statement. "You really see things that black and white." He muttered under his breath before he shook his head. "You live in a hovel that is barely twelve by ten feet on base Steve!" If his voice went a little higher then it just helped drive his point home.

It was obvious to Steve that Freddie was not going to let his living situation go unchanged as he sighed heavily. "It's not a hovel." He argued vehemently as the other two points were accurate. "They are officer's quarters." Usually the small basic furnished rooms were for visiting officers but he was content for the moment to stay in one as it had what he needed with his own bathroom and room for his meagre belongings.

Freddie snorted indignantly at Steve's answer as if it justified everything when it was actually a really sad one. "That's actually a part of the point of why you need your own place McGarrett." He blew out a harsh breath as a harsh tone was not going to get through to Steve in this instance. Handle with kid gloves and handle with care were two of the sayings that came to mind as he dumped his backpack down on the top of the table in the middle of the room before he lifted himself up to sit on top of it. "Living on base like you do doesn't allow you any space or to properly relax." He had deliberately softened his voice as it was clearly a delicate topic if the defensive posture (arms folded across the chest) and furrowed look Steve had were any indication.

A heavy sigh left Steve and he tipped his head back to look up at the ceiling as he resisted the urge to squirm as he knew Freddie was watching and waiting for him to say something. "I'm not like you... I don't have anyone to go home too." He shrugged his shoulder again as he purposefully avoided looking at Freddie.

At least Steve was talking, Freddie thought although he felt there was a lot left unspoken. "You don't have to have anyone to have a home Steve." He did his best to keep the exasperation out of his voice and he hated that he even had to say it aloud.

"I know that." Steve was back to sounding petulant which annoyed him to no end. He finally dared to bring his head back down and look across the room at Freddie who looked far to placid. "We are out of the country up to three hundred days a year. It doesn't make sense to pay rent."

Hard point to argue with, Freddie found himself thinking as they travelled so much that it was hard to keep track of every day. "Okay but you need some separation, some work - life balance, Steve." He implored gently as he was acutely aware that he was balancing on a knife's edge with this conversation. "Don't you want your own space away from here?" Personally he could not be without his own space and living on base did not allow for that.

Steve could feel a headache brewing behind his eyes and he knew it was not going to let up. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a noisy sounding breath. "What do you want me to say?" He asked in frustration as he had already given an answer yet it had not been accepted by Freddie.

Freddie mulled over his answer for several moments as he recognised Steve was uncomfortable but he also knew that if they did not finish their conversation then it would never be restarted. "I want to know the real reason why you are so opposed to finding a place of your own off base? I know its not just the rent excuse you just gave me." Pushing was not his usual method with Steve but he found himself doing so.

"It's easier, okay! If I don't come home then there is a room on base with a few meagre belongings of mine that mean nothing rather than a whole house full... No one has to pack up my stuff or figure out what to do with it... It's just easier." The words came out in a rush as Steve's frustration peaked. "My family aren't close but I am still not going to put them through having to do that." He huffed as the resounding silence felt suffocating and his chest heaved violently. "Now stop plastering my cage with apartment listings."

There was so much to unpack and Freddie blinked heavily with a feeling that his face was contorted to look as if he had just sucked on a lemon. The sound of the door slamming was not surprising yet it still came as a shock as he looked around wildly to confirm that Steve had indeed left (fled) before he blew out a heavy breath. He looked over at Steve's cage which he had been in only two or so hours before and he wished he could go back and take back his actions but he could rectify it and begin to make amends by taking every single listing down and making sure that the subject was never raised by him and Kelly again. For now he would leave Steve alone for the night and come tomorrow afternoon he would pick up a case of beer and beg Steve to forgive him.

Chapter Text

The Difference In Fathers

The crackling of the fire kept the exhaustion at bay despite the lulling warmth of it and Steve rolled his head to the side just in time to see Freddie slowly making his way towards him. It was well past midnight where they were in Afghanistan as they still had two weeks left of their three month deployment but it had been a chaotic seventy two or so hours.

"Hey." Freddie kept his voice quiet as he eased himself down in the rickety chair opposite Steve and he settled his feet on top of one of the large rocks that lined the makeshift fire pit. "What are you still doing up? I thought you'd be crashed out by now." They had all been running on nothing but sludge like coffee, cardboard like protein bars and the odd SEAL nap* but he knew for a fact that Steve had not had a nap at all as he had been dealing with Command on the ground and stateside in between all the raids they had been doing at various times day and night.

A near inaudible huff left Steve as he had tried to go to sleep but found himself too antsy as the last of the adrenaline had yet to leave him leaving a prickly feeling beneath his skin. "Couldn't sleep... Thought I'd come out here to look at the stars." He let his eyes scan over the inky blackness of the night sky that glittered with stars for several prolonged seconds before he returned his eyes to Freddie. "I'm guessing you called home." It came out as both a statement and a question.

Freddie should not have been as surprised as he felt that Steve had still managed to realise something was going on at home for him. "I was..." He trailed off as he swallowed thickly and scrubbed his hand over his skin ignoring the gritty feeling of it before he blew out a heavy breath. "I needed to check in with Mom to see how Dad is doing as he had an angioplasty." He did not miss the brief furrow of Steve's forehead and he realised he needed to explain it like it was explained to him. "It's where stents are placed in the arteries of the heart that have narrowed or are blocked." Admittedly he did not completely understand it nor had he had the chance to look into it further. "It's major heart surgery and they had to put two stents in." He scrubbed his hand over his face again as it was just starting to sink in that his Dad had just been through major surgery.

Steve blinked heavily as he knew something had been on Freddie's mind the past few days but he had no idea of the seriousness of it. "How are they?" It was the first question that came to mind as he cared for Mr and Mrs Hart as they had always been sweet, caring, to him.

A small smile tugged at the corner of Freddie's lips as he was reminded of Steve's fondness for his parents although it quickly dimmed. He sighed softly as he was exhausted yet his mind was spinning as this was one of those times where he really hated being so far away from home. "Mom says everything is okay but she would tell me that even if the house was on fire and we were watching it burn." He loved his mother dearly but her protective streak was sometimes detrimental as her need to protect him left him in the dark at times. "She says the operation went well and the cardiologist seemed pleased but that it is still a delicate situation." Another sigh left him as he had not even known that his Dad had not been well and he knew it was because he was deployed halfway around the world.

"And how are you doing with all of it?" It seemed like the next best question to ask to Steve although it was voiced tentatively.

Freddie shrugged lazily as he pursed his lips because he had been so busy that he really had not had time to process the news or how he felt about it. "I haven't had the time to think about that really." He paused as it felt heavy and somewhat callous to say. "I guess now that we have a bit of a reprieve it is finally sinking in." He admitted quietly before he blew out a heavy breath and silently wished that he had a glass of whiskey in his hand.

Steve pursed his lips as he was a little uncertain of how to proceed or how much Freddie wanted to discuss, and he could admit that he was not good in situations like the one he found himself in as it was not really something he found he was able to relate to all that easily. He withheld the sigh that was desperate to escape him. "Do you want me to see if I can get the brass to rotate you home early?" It was the best he could think to offer as he knew how deadly being distracted could be out in the field.

Only Steve asking could cause Freddie to feel so torn as he deliberated on his answer. Slowly he shook his head as he finally came to a conclusion. "We have two weeks left on this  deployment unless it gets extended..." There was always a chance that an extension could come through and in that event it may change his decision. "I am pretty sure if I came home early my Mom would only fuss more and she needs to focus on herself and Dad." He would make a few more phone calls home than he usually would during any deployment. "But thanks anyway brother." He appreciated the offer nonetheless.

An aborted shake of the head was what Steve did in response. "You don't need to thank me." He did not need to be thanked for offering what he had and in all seriousness there was no guarantee that such rotation would be granted.

Freddie tipped his head to the side as he eyed Steve who looked weary and as if he had nothing left to give in the soft glow of the crackling fire. "Have you phoned home recently?" He decided to ask as there was something he sensed that told him Steve would be more forthcoming than he usually was.

Steve inhaled sharply but he made no effort to move as he was a little too comfortable in the warmth of the fire. "No. Not recently." He finally answered after he had hesitated for several prolonged seconds. In all actuality, he could not recall the last time he had taken the time to call home and speak to his family. "My family isn't like yours." The words came out in a grumble but it did not make them any less impactful. "My Dad and I don't... we aren't... what you and your Dad have is completely different." And I only wish I had what you do was what he could not bring himself to say nor was it worth dwelling on.

The answer did not surprise Freddie in the least as he did not have every detail however he knew enough to know that Steve's relationship with his father was strained to say the least. "I don't think any family is like mine." The aim was for levity but they were far to weary so it fell flat.

A lazy huff left Steve at Freddie's response and he shifted just enough to wiggle his feet as the warmth of the fire had long since seeped into them once he had haphazardly toed his boots off leaving him in the thick woollen socks as nights in Afghanistan were cold. "Sometimes the differences are all too stark." And incredibly painful, he added on silently although he was grateful that the Hart's let him in the way they had done.

Freddie cocked his head to the side a little further as he had not missed Steve's comment. "Have you ever thought about reaching out? Things change." He shrugged his shoulders lazily as he knew he was walking on a metaphorical tight rope with the question.

Steve blinked slowly while he resisted the urge to snap sharply. A heavy sigh left him and he scrubbed his hand over the side of his neck. "I've tried... It's just strained too much." It was always stunted, awkward and uncomfortable. "We are strangers to each other." There was a sense of disconnection that he did not think could ever really recover however it did not mean he was not open to trying to reconcile to some degree.

"You ever considered visiting?" Going home was a more appropriate term but Freddie was being deliberate with his phrasing.

It's crossed my mind, Steve thought as it had plenty of times but he always found some reason or another to avoid making the trip home to Hawaii. A dubious sounding hum left him as he tried to think of how best to answer. "Not sure how well it would go nor is it going to heal anything." It was what he finally settled on as he had long given up worrying about it.

Sometimes Steve made it hard to have a conversation, Freddie thought with a heavy sigh. "You don't know if you don't try brother." It felt like it was something that had to be verbalised. "You know my old man and I went through a rough patch when I was sixteen, maybe seventeen, and it almost cost us our relationship." It was not a piece of information he shared with anyone but Steve was his best friend and it would go no further.

Steve was unable to keep the surprise off of his face but he knew that Freddie would not lie to him. There were so many questions that came to mind but he figured it was impolite to ask so instead he found himself pursing his lips and nodding his head slowly.

An exhausted chuckle came out but Freddie was quick to stifle it. "You are doing that thing where you have questions but you think it is impolite to ask." Social norms did not come all that easily to Steve and it was something he had long since learned to recognise. "You can ask as I bought it up." Deliberately he was going to make Steve ask the questions that were on his mind instead of just assuming what they were.

A frown marred Steve's face for several prolonged seconds before it eased as Freddie had given him permission to ask but he could not help but feel like it was some sort of a trap even though he knew it was not.

Freddie did his best to stifle his amusement at the array of emotions that flickered across Steve's face. "Steve, you are allowed to ask." He confirmed by reiterating it again while he watched closely for the reaction.

Steve did his upmost to relax at Freddie's confirmation as he reached out and nudged another small piece of wood into the fire causing it to crackle louder. Awkwardly he rested back and slouched down a little further in the chair getting his feet a little closer to the fire. "What happened?" He finally asked trying to leave the question as open ended as possible so Freddie had the choice on how much to share.

There we go, Freddie thought as sometimes Steve could be incredibly hard to coax. "I felt like nothing I did was good enough and everything my Dad did only reinforced that... For a while he even had a replacement because he found a kid who needed a father figure and who hung off his every word unlike me." A huff left him as it sounded so petulant now but at the time it felt like the entire world of his at the time was collapsing. "I spewed hate at him for so long and there was a time when we couldn't even be in the same room." Despite all of the years that had passed the shame still lingered deep inside of him and at times like this it was unearthed and it felt even worse.

"What did it take to fix it?" The question left Steve's mouth before he could stop it.

Freddie figured the question Steve asked was a natural progression in their conversation. "Mom locked us in a shipping container that she had hired." He answered honestly and he found some amusement as Steve's eyebrows arched and an unfiltered look of shock accompanied it.

"She did what?!" Steve was sure he had misheard Freddie over the crackling of the fire as there was no way the sweet woman he knew would do that.

A loud almost boisterous chuckle left Freddie and he would have sworn if asked that he could say exactly what was going through Steve's mind. "You heard me right. She may be angelic but somewhere inside of her the devil lingers." He waggled his eyebrows as he spoke. "She'd decided enough was enough and Mom is quite good at drastic measures whenever she decides they are needed." Another short chuckle left him as he thought about the few drastic measures from over the years. "She sat outside that container the entire time to make sure we did not progress to trying to kill each other but it worked." If he recalled correctly he was fairly sure she had packed herself a small feast as she had been prepared for a long day and night. "The first hour or so Dad spent yelling for Mom to let us out then the next six or so were spent largely silent at each end of it before we finally got somewhere." A small albeit sad tinged smile tugged at his lips as it had been a long time since he had thought about the memory.

Steve blinked slowly before he shook his head as he was having trouble fathoming and reconciling what he was being told however he did not doubt the validity of what Freddie was shared. "Remind me to get your Mom's side the next time I see her." He absolutely wanted to hear the inspiration behind it as it certainly was not normal but then it could be argued what was.

Freddie rolled his eyes before he sobered and he knew immediately that the change in his demeanour did not go unnoticed by Steve. "Look I am not suggesting anything as drastic but starting somewhere is never easy and no one needs regrets brother." Everyone had regrets and in his opinion trying not to add to that list was important.

"Yeah..." Steve trailed off as talking about his lacking (practically non-existent) relationship with his Dad was not what he had envisioned doing when he had settled himself in front of the fire.

"Okay. Okay. End of discussion." Freddie held his hands up in surrender seeing Steve had reached his limit with the topic of the conversation and he had already pushed far enough as it had only grown later. "But I am here to listen whenever."

"I know. Mahalo brother." The words were murmured quietly but they carried a tremendous amount of weight with them for Steve. "He's going to be okay. Strong, stubborn, and he has the best person at his side."

The crackling of the fire was the only disturbance to the easy silence that settled over the two men in the late hour as neither made an attempt to move. Both men were comfortable in the silence as their minds wandered as Steve's thinking was about his relationship with his Dad while Freddie was thinking about his Dad's health and if there was a way to help his Mom from the other side of the world.

*SEAL nap - elevate one's feet above one's heart and set an alarm for eight minutes.

Chapter Text

A Game Of Find

A growl left Steve as he listened to Freddie's stupid voicemail for the tenth time in as many minutes. Admittedly it was almost three in the morning and they were supposed to be on leave considering they had just returned from a spin up but Command had called them in for an urgent briefing in just under forty five minutes. And the last thing he needed was to play of game of find Freddie Hart but apparently that was what he was doing.

"HART!" It came out in a growl as Steve hammered his fist against the hardwood door uncaring about the surrounding occupants of the apartments as time was of the essence.

Another growl left Steve as there was no sign of Freddie getting up to open the door. "You better be here." He grumbled as he blew out an annoyed breath before he dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out his key ring remembering he had a key to Freddie's apartment. It took a few moments for him to find the right key as it was not something he used often but it would also not be the first time he'd had to use it. "And you better not be doing anything nefarious." He had walked in on Freddie and Kelly in various states of undress (and positions) too many times to count but as far as he knew they were still in one of their 'off' phases (although it was hard to keep track and he did not try to either).

As soon as Steve had the door unlocked and opened he turned the light on flooding the open plan living area with light. "Freddie!" He yelled as the trail of some of Freddie's clothing signalled that he was in the right place. With every ounce of agility he possessed he stepped over and around the trail that led to Freddie's bedroom.

The sight of Freddie made Steve roll his eyes before his nose wrinkled at the stench of alcohol that permeated from him. "At least you've got underwear on." He grumbled under his breath as it would not be the first time he had come across Freddie passed out drunk and naked. "And a scarf." He frowned at the sight of the mint coloured scarf with the cartoonish owls that was wrapped around his neck. He shook his head as he reminded himself that the clock was ticking as they could not be late so with that in mind he slapped Freddie's foot as hard as he could.

"Oi! What the hell?!" Freddie startled awake and blinked owlishly against the bright lights until the blurriness of his vision cleared. "Jesus McGarrett. Go away." He grumbled as he rolled over so his back was to Steve and he nuzzled his face into the pillow.

Steve wound his hand back and slapped Freddie's foot as hard as he could again. "Get up NOW!" He growled putting emphasis on the 'now'. "We're due at a briefing on base in thirty minutes." It was more like forty minutes but it was clear that they were going to need every minute they had to try and sober Freddie up.

A pained groan left Freddie as he curled his feet up towards his bottom in an effort to get them away from Steve's slapping hands while tugging the comforter haphazardly over his head. "Who pissed in your wheaties?" The question was muffled not only by the fact his face was buried in the pillow and the comforter over his head but also because his voice was hoarse from too much shouting and a whole lot of alcohol.

It took every ounce of the little patience that Steve had left not to hit Freddie again. "Get up and get dressed." He infused his voice with as much steel as he could so there was no doubt that it was an order. "And meet me in the kitchen in three minutes." He punctuated the second part of his order by tugging the comforter off of Freddie completely and dropping it onto the floor before he walked out.

"You're no fun." Freddie grumbled under his breath however even with the serious amount of alcohol he had consumed he knew that Steve was in his Officer role and he had been given not one but two orders. Another heavy groan escaped him as he swore Steve was being deliberately noisy in his small kitchen. At least the hitting has stopped, he had the wherewithal to think before his head exploded causing him to grimace as he finally began to move as he had orders to follow. "Arghh..."

With the upmost deliberateness, Steve made sure to be as noisy as he possibly could be slamming the fridge and freezer doors shut along with every drawer and cupboard he opened all the while making sure that his combat boots hit the floor as noisily as possible with every step. He dumped a sachet of cherry flavoured Pedialyte into the bottle of water that he had pulled out of the fridge then recapped it before he began to shake it vigorously making sure it was thoroughly mixed up. The six frozen sausage, egg and cheese breakfast sandwiches were defrosting and hopefully heating in the microwave as hopefully four of the six would be enough for some of the alcohol to be soaked up. Between the Pedialyte and the food, he hoped it would be enough to sober Freddie up enough that Command would let it slide.

Hopefully Steve had pulled out some aspirin, Freddie was sure his head was trying to explode out of his skull as he stumbled into the kitchen whilst he pulled his shirt over his head. As soon as the shirt was on he scrubbed his hand across his face which only exacerbated the headache he had and he winced sharply at the loud shrill that the microwave emitted. "What time is it?"

"0308." Steve answered sharply as he tossed the Pedialyte filled bottle at Freddie before he popped the microwave door open, flipped all of the breakfast sandwiches over, slammed the door shut and then started it for another five minutes. "Drink."

Freddie squinted at the liquid in the bottle that he had fumbled to catch and it slowly turned into a frown. "It's cherry." He hated cherry and he knew that Steve knew that. "I hate cherry." He grimaced as he made a hazy mental note to stop buying the packets of mixed flavours of Pedialyte so Steve could not give him the cherry flavour whenever he was mad.

Steve rolled his eyes at the petulance in Freddie's voice over the damn flavour of Pedialyte. "Just drink it... Why were you drinking so much anyway?" It was best not to dignify Freddie's complaining nor did he have the time too as they were still racing against the clock.

The shift from Naval Officer McGarrett to friend and brother Steve was subtle but for Freddie it was easily noticeable as he knew what to look for even in his hungover state. Shift complete for the moment, he thought as he leaned against the side of the island countertop. He waved his hand towards the box that was sat down on the floor by the front door and he watched as Steve looked from him to the box then back to him with a look of confusion. If he did not have such a headache he would have slapped his hand against his forehead but he refrained as he knew Steve had never had a serious or a long term relationship that resulted in the return of each other's stuff upon breaking up. "Kelly came by yesterday with my stuff." He explained uneasily seeing Steve's confusion disappear almost instantly.

Kelly and any mention of her explained pretty much everything as far as Steve was concerned when it came to Freddie and his moods. "Okay." They were on and off so often it was ridiculous.

"Ick." Freddie had skulled half of the cherry flavoured liquid and it only solidified his hate for it. "What does Command want at 3am anyway?" He yawned as soon as the question was out as their hours were far from normal but a 3am briefing was easily cause for alarm.

"We won't know until we get there." Steve answered as he glanced at his watch checking the time as being on time was five minutes late in Command's eyes. He moved back to the fridge and pulled out a second bottle of water just as the microwave beeped signalling the food was done. "Grab your go bag just in case. We need to get going." He pulled out two paper plates (it was all Freddie had) then opened the door of the microwave and split the wrapped breakfast sandwiches between the two plates (four on one for Freddie and two on the other for himself).

A go bag was the one thing that Freddie always had ready and he did not think there had ever been a time he was more grateful to have one ready in his hungover state. "Yes Sir."  He grumbled with a quick salute before he went to grab it as it became obvious that Steve was expecting for them to be spun up on a mission one way or another.

At least Steve had found Freddie and was well on his way to sobering him up. The fifteen minute drive to base was something that he figured he could make in eight minutes given the time of night so they would have several minutes to spare however he was not going to let Freddie know that. "Move your ass Hart!" He called as he headed for the door with the two plates and a bottle of water in his hands as they had a briefing to get to.

Chapter Text

As Subtle As A Nuclear Bomb

There were only a few things better than a steaming hot shower as far as Freddie was concerned as it had been a long day full of various training exercises on base under the hot sun with full tactical gear. Most of the team with the exception of himself and Steve had already showered, dressed and left for the evening as they were all headed for the local bar.

"Dammit." Freddie silently scolded himself as he rummaged through his gear in search of a clean shirt  before he remembered that Kelly had taken his last clean shirt out of his bag when they had been getting ready for the day and he had forgotten to replace it. And as always he was behind on his laundry like most average everyday household chores.

Freddie pursed his lips as he did not want to wear one of his uniform shirts even though he was only going home to do his laundry and lay on the couch with a beer and whatever leftovers he could find that were edible. As his eyes wandered they eventually landed on Steve's meticulously organised cage and the duffel bag that sat on the single chair in the corner of it. "McGarrett, I'm grabbin' a shirt!" He yelled over his shoulder as he crossed the room as it was not the first time he or Steve had borrowed a shirt from one another.

Steve blew out a heavy breath as he kept his head ducked whilst the water sluiced down over his back and he kept his hands pressed flat against the tiled wall. It had been a long day after an even longer night that he had spent pacing around on the phone after he learned that Mary had gotten in some sort of trouble on the West Coast, and he was sure that he had disappointed Catherine if the way she had slammed the door as she stormed out of the hotel room had been any indication. A heavy sigh left him as Freddie's booming voice pulled him from his thoughts and he hastily dragged his hand over his face before he turned the water off. He grabbed his towel, hastily and half-heartedly dried off, and then wrapped it around his hips as he stepped out of the cubicle.

"Oh!" Freddie paused once he had pulled out one of the multiple t-shirts that filled Steve's bag which was a minor source of amusement as Steve's choices were simple yet the man liked options. After all that he had seen there was not much that surprised him but the contents of the unzipped toiletry bag in Steve's bag caught him off guard which was completely and utterly stupid as any adult had them.

Finding Freddie in his cage was not an unusual occurrence and instead it seemed all to regular to Steve as he walked out of the shower room in a pair of jeans and with the damp towel slung over his shoulder. "You know your cage is on the other side of the room, right?" There was no malice in his voice as he asked although his forehead quickly furrowed at how still Freddie was and he quickened his approach however he stilled almost immediately.

Sheepishly Freddie turned as it had not escaped his notice how Steve's footsteps had stopped just behind him. "I was grabbin' a shirt because Kelly took my last clean one this mornin'." He waved the t-shirt around in front of him to emphasize his words. "I promise I wasn't snooping." He held his free hand up in a surrendering manner before he looked back over his shoulder at the boxes of condoms and dental dams and a bottle of lube." I grabbed the shirt out and your bag was open." The bright red flush that suddenly claimed Steve made things feel even more awkward even though it should not have been.

Steve felt the heat in his skin and his hand absentmindedly migrated to the side of his neck where he dug his nails into his skin and he hastily averted his eyes to the floor. He had forgotten all about the contents of his toiletry bag as he had come straight from the hotel as time had gotten away from him while he was on the phone. "I... uh..." He trailed off as stumbling over his words was not helping and instead he shook his head dismissively.

The sheepishness slid away and was replaced with amusement as Freddie did not think he had ever seen Steve so bright red, so embarrassed, in all the time they had known each other. "It's good you take protection so seriously." He couldn't help himself as he punctuated his sentence with a smirk and waggled his eyebrows which quickly turned into a boisterous laugh as Steve was a glorious shade of red and only growing brighter with every passing second.

"Freddie..." Steve resolutely did not whine (he absolutely did) as he silently wished the ground would open up beneath him and swallow him whole.

"But dental dams? Seriously who buys them let alone uses them?!" Freddie was unable to keep the incredulity out of his voice as the mere thought of using one was gag inducing to him nor was he a fan of such a barrier as he loved the natural taste.

A loud frustrated groan came from Steve as he was sure that he was completely flushed as even the tops of his ears felt heated. He ducked his head as he dug his nails in harder to the soft skin on the side of his neck. He let out a heavy huff as he looked at Freddie only to groan again and he averted his eyes once more. "Go away." He settled on the petulant answer even though he knew Freddie would not go away. Awkwardly he skirted past Freddie to grab a shirt out of his bag and he hurried to pull it on before he closed his bag so its contents were not privy to anyone else if anyone were to walk in.

"Nope." Freddie refused to go away as he smirked broadly and made a show of proving that he was not going anywhere by leaning against the wire and settling there. "You know I am not going away and you didn't answer my question."

Of course you aren't, Steve had long recognised Freddie's stubborn stance and knew when the man was immovable. "I don't..." He started only to stop and sigh heavily as Freddie would continue to ask. "They are Catherine's choice." He failed to resist the urge to squirm as he felt it was rude to share private and intimate details however he also knew what he said would not go any further.

Freddie's forehead furrowed at Steve's answer. "I thought you and Catherine were... uh... doing the whole exclusive thing?" He shifted his feet minutely as the whole thing was bizarre.

Steve frowned as he did not quite understand why Freddie had asked the question he had. "I'm not seeing anyone else." It was not a discussion that he and Cath had engaged in but maybe they should have however sometimes etiquette confused him.

The confusion did not go amiss for Freddie and it took him several seconds longer then it should have to realise that maybe Steve’s lack of social cues and etiquette also extended to relationships. "How experienced are you?" The question was out before he could rephrase or stop it, and he was sure his eyes bulged out a little as he did not think Steve could get any redder but apparently he was wrong.

A heavy unamused huff left Steve as he let his eyelids slam shut and tipped his head up towards the ceiling although it certainly did nothing to help. "I'm not talking about this with you." Somehow he had a feeling that the statement would not end the conversation like he hoped it would.

"You know if... uh... well... uh... if you have any... ahh... questions... you can always... uh... ask me." It was finally Freddie's turn to feel awkward as he made the offer.

There was a distressed noise that came from Steve unbidden and he shook his head furiously. "Go home Hart." The urge to get Freddie a psychiatric assessment was strong however he hurriedly shelved the idea.

"Okay. Okay." Freddie relented as the awkwardness was palpable and the offer although genuine had made things weird between them however it would not last. He straightened himself up and pulled the borrowed t-shirt on settling it in place. "So is Catherine in town?" He pivoted the conversation lightly as usually Steve had a dopey 'I got laid' smile that was about as subtle as a nuclear bomb but not this time which is why he had missed it.

"Not anymore." Steve grumbled as she had only been in town for a single night and it had been ruined in a split second.

There was a screaming sense of 'leave it alone' that radiated off of Steve so Freddie decided to leave it alone. "You want to come over and have a beer?" He offered as he was serious about getting every piece of laundry washed and dried but it did not mean they couldn't order some takeaway and have a few beers.

A yawn delayed Steve from answering before he shook his head. "No but thanks." He declined. "I've got stuff to take care of." It would most likely be another night spent on the phone trying to sort out whatever trouble Mary was in and he would most definitely be unpacking and repacking his duffel bag as he was not going to subject himself to another embarrassing conversation with Freddie about dental dams, condoms and lube.

Chapter Text

The Source Of Frustration

The frustration would have been comical if the situation was different, Freddie thought grimly as he watched yet another nurse shake their head as they walked out of the small room. And the source of frustration for every single member of the medical team was the 6 foot 1 highly medicated Steven McGarrett whose hip had been dislocated in a training accident on base.

"Everything okay doc?" Freddie asked as he pushed himself up out of the hard, incredibly uncomfortable, plastic chair that he had been sat in for far too long. He spared a second to glance at his watch and he was actually quite surprised it had taken so long for one of the nurses to get the doctor.

Doctor Robin, the newly assigned team doctor, had heard all about McGarrett and Hart and it was abundantly clear that they were frequent flyers in the infirmary so much so that if they had a punch card the two would be leaders. "We can't seem to get McGarrett to settle and it has only gotten worse since we gave him the Dilaudid." It was a complete mystery as Dilaudid was a very strong pain that should have relaxed him instead of unsettling him.

Freddie's forehead furrowed at what the doc had advised. "That is a pain medication, isn't it doc?" He had heard the name before however he could not quite place it.

"It is. It is used for severe pain." Doctor Robin answered as a hip dislocation certainly caused severe pain hence the administering of it. "We have got his hip back in place but with all the squirming he is doing it is risking worsening the injury and prolonging his recovery."

Steve being injured never did make things easy, Freddie reminded himself but something about this time was different. "Think I can sit with him? See if I can get him to settle, to behave?" He pointed towards Steve's room as he had been kept out of it since he had arrived.

Doctor Robin considered the idea carefully before he decided that it was worth trying. It did not mean that he did not have reservations as he had heard the stories about Hart and McGarrett from the other medical staff however he had the hope that they were embellished. "Okay but if you upset him then you are out. I mean it." He was as firm as he could possibly be as he waggled the clipboard in his hand at Hart.

Freddie held his hands up in a surrendering manner while giving the doc his most innocent 'I would never' face. "I'd never upset him doc." He confirmed verbally as he nodded his head along with his words.

"Ah-huh." There was some scepticism in Doctor Robin's response as there was something that told him not to believe Hart's innocence. "Go on in before I change my mind." He shook his head and chuckled. "And do not upset him!"

I could be hurt by that insinuation, Freddie thought as he waved his hand over his shoulder as he hurried towards Steve's room and as soon as he entered he paused as he realised none of the nursing staff were exaggerating at all. The sight of Steve so on edge was alarming and he did not miss the way Steve flinched and his hands grappled with the hospital bedding. "Steve?" He arched an eyebrow although the rest of him stayed perfectly still for the several prolonged moments that it took Steve to recognise him (or at least he hoped that was what was happening and he was not being lulled into a false sense of security). "It's Freddie, brother. Are you with me?" It was best to proceed with caution and double check as far as he was concerned.

Steve cocked his head to the side and blinked owlishly at the man who entered his hospital room and it took him a while to register that he was a friend rather than foe. "Freddie." The word came out a little breathlessly and he relaxed involuntarily. "Freddie." He whined before he looked anxiously around the small room which made him tense again.

"At least you know who I am." Freddie mumbled underneath his breath before he finally propelled himself forward not missing how Steve kept looking around like they were about to be ambushed in his altered, medicated, state. The whiney tone of Steve's voice certainly was not one he had heard before and it caught him off guard. "You're okay brother." The  words tumbled out of his mouth unbidden as he reached the side of the hospital bed and he wrapped his hands around the top bar of the side railing. "Geez... whatever they gave you has sure done a number on you." He realised he had never seen Steve medicated so strongly in all the time that they had known each other and it was rather eye opening.

"I don't like it here." Steve let his eyes dart around the room. "You have to get me out of here." He pouted as his eyes finally settled on Freddie. "Please."

A soft sigh left Freddie as he turned to look over his shoulder at the door and silently he willed a nurse to come in even though he knew that would not be happening anytime soon. He turned back to Steve who was still pouting at the while still clutching forcefully at the blankets and looking around like he did in the field (head on a swivel). He leaned further against the railing and he did not miss the way Steve flinched as he did. "I thought hospital strength pain meds were supposed to chill your neurotic ass out." He grumbled before he blew out a breath drawing on every bit of patience he had. "We can't leave for a while but the new doc said I could stay." He used his foot to hook the chair and pull it over so he could sit down as he figured it would be best to settle in for the long haul and at least the chair was padded this time. "And you have got to stop moving." He chastised lightly as Steve was squirming continuously which could not be good on his recently relocated hip.

Steve stilled at Freddie's instruction although whatever medication he had been given made his brain sluggish. "What... what did they give... give me?" He stumbled over the question as he could not recall what he had been told and he certainly could not recall ever feeling the way he did.

"The doc gave you Dilaudid." Freddie explained softly as he moved to drop the railing then sat down and he kicked his feet up onto the edge of the bed. "It's a pretty strong pain killer which is why you are out of your mind right now McGarrett." The glazed over look was rather alarming. "And why you probably aren't feeling all that much right now."

Haphazardly and with a severe lack of co-ordination, Steve managed to push and pull the bedding up further and tucked it around himself. He hummed softly even as he continued to shift minutely and look around the room anxiously. "Don't like it." He declared as he dropped his head back against the terribly flat pillow with a loud and very disgruntled huff.

This is not going to be easy, Freddie thought withholding a huff of his own. "Don't like what?" He finally questioned when it became clear that Steve was not going to be any more forthcoming with what it was that he did not like. Idly he figured it probably was not best to keep the conversation going when Steve was finally beginning to settle down even though he still appeared overly anxious which was completely uncharacteristic.

Steve blinked owlishly once he had turned his head back to look at Freddie as he had gotten distracted by the rumpled bedding and the icky feeling of it against his exposed skin. "Don't like it." He reiterated as if it explained everything. "Don't like it." The three words were repeated.

Freddie rolled his eyes at Steve's repetition. "Okay I get it. You don't like it." The goal was to settle Steve not wind him up otherwise he had no doubt that he would be kicked out. In truth he really had no idea what Steve did not like but he had a sneaking suspicion that there would be no memory once the Dilaudid had worn off. "Get some sleep brother." He implored. "I'm not going anywhere." Oh! Those are the magic words for a medicated McGarrett, he made a mental note as he quite literally watched Steve relax and with one final flutter of his eyelids he succumbed to the medication coursing through his bloodstream.

A soft hum left Freddie as he slouched down a little more in the chair doing what he could to get comfortable. "You are certainly one complicated man brother." He mumbled quietly to himself as he looked at Steve who still seemed unsettled but not as unsettled as before.

The sound of soft footsteps had Freddie looking over his shoulder and he grinned shamelessly at the sight of Edith, the infirmary's battle axe of a nurse, who was tough and mean yet had a soft spot for her favourites. "Ma'am." He greeted which earned him a light whack to the shoulder as Edith passed him by.

"I thought I told you and your partner in crime here that I did not want to see either of you for at least three months." Edith reached out and gently smoothed out the blanket. "How is one half of double trouble doing?"

"Whatever they gave him needs to go on the do not give again list in his file." The grin had vanished before Freddie had even begun to speak. "It doesn't seem to sit well with him."

Edith pursed her lips and nodded her head as she checked the chart that was clipped to the end of the bed. "Dilaudid is very strong and it effects people very differently. It's pretty similar to morphine." She explained with caution in her tone as she set the chart back down. "I will have it added to the bad meds list." As much as she griped and grumbled at the pair she also trusted their opinions on each other.

Freddie nodded his head slowly as he checked that Steve was still asleep. "So Dilaudid can mess with emotions too?" He needed the confirmation as he was struggling somewhat to reconcile how unsettled Steve had been.

"It can do." Edith confirmed gently as she made sure to turn off all of the alarm sounds so as not to startle her patient. "Don't worry... Once it wears off he will be fine." She was done checking on her patient for now. "I'll be back later and if the two of you behave then I will bring back jello."

"Yes Ma'am." Freddie answered with a quick salute and he did not miss the quirk of Edith's lips as she gave him her sternest looks before she left the room.

Vulnerable was the word that came to mind as Freddie continued to watch Steve and it was not a word he typically tended to associate with him. At least the nurses won't kill him now, he thought as he figured he would rest his eyes for a little while as he meant what he said that he was not going anywhere.

Chapter Text

In Some Trouble

"McGarrett. Call for you!"

Steve looked up from the dismal food on the tray in front of him and his forehead furrowed as no one ever called him and certainly not while he was on deployment.

Freddie swallowed the mouthful of creamed spinach (goop) with difficulty as he looked at Steve who was frowning hard enough that he looked constipated. "You going to go see who is calling you or what?" He kicked his foot out until it made contact with Steve's shin hoping it would propel him forward into action.

"Can't be anything good." Steve grumbled only loud enough for Freddie to hear as he dropped his fork down onto the largely untouched tray then pushed himself up.

"Want some company?" It only seemed polite to ask and if accepted then it served a dual purpose as it got Freddie away from the variety of goop and slop that was on his tray.

Steve shook his head at Freddie's offer. "You need to eat." He ordered as he knew that Freddie had lost a little too much weight but it was fairly common for everyone's weight to fluctuate during deployments.

"McGarrett, are you taking your call or what?!"

I'd rather not, Steve thought even as he signalled that he was coming so the obnoxious hollering would stop. "I better go." He muttered as he began striding away from the table.

The brisk air was like a slap to the face and it was what Steve needed to steel himself as he stepped out of the mess tent to follow after the man who kept hollering. He blew out a breath and rolled his shoulders as he quickened his pace as he ran over the mental list of people who might call him but he was unable to narrow it down to just one.

"I have transferred the call to that room so you have privacy Sir."

Steve was grateful for the small semblance of privacy that had been afforded to him although it only deepened the belief that it was going to be a bad one. He nodded his head in thanks before he stepped into the tiny room then closed the door firmly behind him. With one last heavy exhale he picked the phone up and took it off hold. "McGarrett."

"Steve."

"Mare, are you okay?" Of all the people Mary had not even been at the top of the list but the sound of her sniffling bought out the protective big brother instincts in Steve even with all of the distance between them.

Mary whimpered before she sniffled again. "I'm in some trouble."

A heavy sigh left Steve as he reached up and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he knew by Mary's tone that it meant she needed money. "What trouble?" It wasn't the question he wanted to ask but there was an established order to this particular conversation as they had gone through it before.

"I got arrested." Mary admitted quietly.

Of course you did was what Steve wanted to say but he withheld from doing so as it would only result in Mary getting upset. "Are you going to tell me for what?" It was like pulling teeth sometimes, he thought morosely. "Mare, you there?" He asked when no answer was forthcoming from her.

"Yeah I am here Steve." Mary finally answered before she drew in a shuddering breath. "Possession. Schedule 1."

"And you are still in California, right?" It was hard to keep track as Mary was flighty but it was easier to look up one state's legislature then try to remember all fifty's.

Mary sniffled unceremoniously as she nodded her head before realising she could not be seen. "Yes. I'm at the Hollywood station on Wilcox." Her voice cracked just as a warning beep sounded indicating her time was almost up. "My time is almost up but I need money for bail, $2500.00, and a lawyer."

Steve sighed again as a small but severe bolt of panic went through him as wiring money and organising a lawyer was easy when on the mainland but it was another thing entirely thousands of miles away in the middle of a warzone. "I'll figure it out." No idea how, he added on mentally as logistically it would be a nightmare but he also could not let his sister sit in jail.

"Okay." Mary answered just before the call was cut off.

The abruptness of the end of the call startled Steve even though he had been warned it was coming. The urge to slam the phone down was palpable but he was also aware that if he were to damage it then he would be the most hated person on base. He slowly, carefully, set the phone down before he stepped back until he hit the wall which he then let himself slide down until he was sat on the floor. He scrubbed his hands over his face roughly as he did not even really know where to begin and that was without even factoring in the fact that Mary had been charged with possession of drugs as it only opened up a whole lot more questions. I should be used to this by now, he thought bitterly as he blew out another harsh breath and scrubbed his hands a little harder over his face because essentially Mary calling him for money to which he always gave was pretty much the extent of their relationship nowadays.

Options were somewhat limited, Steve thought begrudgingly as he tried to figure out who he could call that could help him out but he quickly ruled pretty much everyone out as Mary had called him instead of their Dad and Aunt Deb, Joe was deployed in the Sudan, and everyone else he knew would either not take it seriously or tell anyone who would listen. Well done Mary, he thought as he began to try and rally himself because having a pity party was not going to get Mary bailed out of jail.

Too much time had passed, Freddie decided as he meandered over to where Steve would have taken the call as he figured it was the smart place to start looking. There was a feeling that lingered that something was wrong however he did not know if it was just because Steve getting a phone call was far out of the ordinary or it was something else. "McGarrett still here?" He asked as soon as he entered the small building, and he was pointed to the small office.

The sound of the door opening caught Steve off guard and he was about to yell at whoever it was until he looked up and saw Freddie who he knew would not get out.

Finding Steve sat on the floor was not what Freddie had expected when he stepped into the tiny room and he made sure the door was closed firmly behind him once he was inside. "What's going on brother?" He softened his voice as he crouched down in front of Steve.

A heavy huff left Steve as he twisted his hands in his lap. "Mary, my sister, has been arrested." It physically pained him to say. "Drug possession in California." He heaved in a ragged breath. "I've got to organise a lawyer and wire bail money." And the panic was simmering away.

There were very few times that Freddie could ever recall seeing Steve so unsettled but it was clear that there was something akin to panic within Steve. "Okay. We can sort that out." He did not know much about Mary but he knew Steve was constantly bailing her out and it seemed to be the extent of the relationship. "How much is the bail?" He was already running through the options in his head as it would be troublesome to arrange unless someone at home could take care of it for them.

"Twenty five hundred." Steve had the money in his savings account but it was not like he could go to an ATM and withdraw it. "I have the money."

"But it's not that easy to get." Freddie understood immediately as he nodded his head. "My Mom will help and she won't mind waiting for us to get home to be paid back."

Steve shook his head softly as he did not want to trouble Mrs Hart before he let out a resigned huff as he had already exhausted all the options he had. "Are you... Do you really think she will?" It felt unfair to ask but at least Mrs Hart would make sure the lawyer was half way decent and specialised in criminal law.

A chuckle left Freddie even as he rolled his eyes at Steve's question. "I think my Mom would adopt you if you weren't a grown ass man." God knows she always extended an offer of dinner every chance she got and asked after Steve. "She really won't mind brother." The reassurance was clearly needed hence why he gave it.

"I'll pay them back as soon as we are home or I can figure out how to get her access so she can just take out or transfer what is needed." Steve's brain was going a million miles a minute while at the same time spinning. "Mary is at the Hollywood station on Wilcox."

And there is Steve handing over control, Freddie thought but certainly did not share aloud. "I've got it brother." He pushed himself up out of the crouch he was in, arched his back to stretch it out, and then moved towards the phone to make the call that was desperately needed.

Steve blew out a shaky breath as his eyes followed Freddie's movements as he remained on the floor. "Why aren't you telling me I should cut her off?" The question was out of his mouth before he could even really consider it.

Freddie paused and turned back to look at Steve because the question seemed so random yet he knew it wasn't. "She's your family." It was that simple as he shrugged his shoulders lightly even though it seemed like Steve was always bailing her out as he was pretty sure it was the only time they talked. "And it's none of my business brother." That is really what it came down to went unsaid.

A huff left Steve before he covered his face with his hands and let his head hit the wall with a thunk. Enabler - the word screamed out to him as it was what he was when it came to Mary and he was acutely aware of it. Vaguely he listened to Freddie and the one sided phone call that was going on with his Mom but he did not bother to follow along with it. There were so many drug possibilities that Mary could have had on her which led to her being arrested although knowing Mary there was a lot more to the story that she would not share with him nor would he ask. We don't know each other, the thought struck him for the nth time as he had long resigned himself to the distance between them and he blamed his father in part for that although he was aware that he held some of the blame too.

My mom is the best, Freddie thought with a pang of sadness that was entwined with a hint of homesickness as soon as he ended the call home to his Mom. He turned around and lent back against the narrow edge of the table settling his eyes on Steve who remained unmoved. "It's all sorted brother." He knew his Mom would handle everything as she had already been making plans while they were still on the phone. "Mom is going to sort everything." There was no doubt in his mind that everything would be handled and if Steve's sister got a little motherly advice then hopefully it sunk in so his brother was not so troubled. "Come on brother." He held out his hand for Steve to take so he could help him up off of the ground.

Steve gratefully slid his hand into Freddie's and allowed himself to be pulled up onto his feet. "Thanks Freddie." He murmured softly as his brain was still spinning at a million miles and very little made sense. I need to refocus, he thought as being distracted was downright dangerous if not deadly. For now, there was nothing more that he could do until Mrs Hart called back and he knew he would get the truth out of her while he would not hear from Mary again until the next time she needed money.

Chapter Text

Invisible Wound

FUBAR* was not a term that any team guy took lightly and certainly did not use often but it was the only way Freddie could describe the mission even with the knowledge that they had hit the jackpot. No overwatch, outnumbered and outgunned were just a few of the issues they had faced and that was without the bad intel they had learned they were working off once their feet had hit the ground. And that was all before a suicide bomber came straight for them so FUBAR felt pretty accurate.

Freddie blew out a heavy breath as he scrubbed his hand across the back of his neck and rolled his shoulders in an attempt to ease the tension in his very weary body. It had been a hard mission and no one had escaped unscathed however all the physical injuries were minor.

"Yo Hart!" Angus 'Tux' McGuire's voice boomed across the safe house that doubled as their temporary TOC (Tactical Operations Centre), and he was effectively shushed by the rest of the team that were nearby. "Geez! Alright." He held his hands up in surrender as he closed the distance between himself and Hart.

The last thing Freddie wanted to deal with was Tux and his loud, brash, ignorant attitude but there was no escaping his teammate. He blew out another breath as he turned around to face Tux. "You good?" He questioned as he looked at Tux's heavily bandaged forearm recalling how some shrapnel had sliced it open. He knew Steve had made sure everyone was whole before he had disappeared and that MJ Holloway, the team medic, was forcibly checking everyone but he figured it was polite to ask.

"No worse off than you Hart." Tux answered without an ounce of hesitation before he shrugged his shoulder. He leaned in a little closer. "McGarrett headed upstairs."

Subtle was not in Tux's vocabulary or at least Freddie had thought it wasn't and he had to work hard not to show it. Am I that obvious? He asked himself silently as he had not wanted to draw attention to what he was doing but he was in fact heading off in search of Steve. "Thanks." He eyed Tux wearily before he looked past him to the rest of the team that were still milling about as some had drifted to other areas of the safe house while they waited for their flight home.

Tux waited until Freddie was turned away from him before he spoke again. "McGarrett had to make an impossible choice today." He cleared his throat and lowered his voice a little more. "I know the team comes first especially with a lifer like McGarrett but I don't know if I could have made that choice." He sighed. "It is weighty brother." That was a complete understatement.

A huff left Freddie as 'impossible choice' did not even begin to describe what choice Steve had made. "It was the only choice brother." He corrected quietly before he turned and continued to walk away. He scrubbed his hand tiredly across his face as he trudged wearily along as he needed to find Steve. Upstairs was fairly non-descriptive especially given the size of the safe house but at least it provided him with a place to start. Steve also had an uncanny ability to hide in plain sight, he thought before he shook his head as he began to climb up the old rickety metal stairs. The urge to yell out Steve's name was strong but he refrained from doing so as not only would it disrupt the heavy silence but it would also put everyone on alert. The sky, the thought struck him like a lightbulb going off inside his head and he immediately forewent searching instead heading straight for the roof.

The sky had always been a form of refuge for Steve no matter where in the world he was but he found no peace in it this time. He stood at the edge of the roof with his hands curled so tightly around the edge that they were white as he looked out into the settling darkness. He drew in a shuddering breath and let his eyelids slide closed for the few moments it took to relive the moment. He had lost track of how long he had been up on the roof but he knew it was only a matter of time before someone came looking for him and he would have to pull himself together to be the leader he was.

What an act, Freddie thought as he finally got onto the roof through the narrow maze through the crawl space that led to the open hatch. He squeezed himself through the narrow hatch with a wiggle and a barely stifled grunt. Bingo! He thought as he spotted Steve directly in front of him and something inside of him began to untwist. However the way Steve's shoulders were hunched inwards told him everything as he pulled himself out of the hatch and stood up although he made no attempt to move so as not to startle Steve. "Hey brother." He kept his voice as soft as he could but he still caused Steve to flinch.

Steve had been so lost in turning over the situation in his head in an attempt to figure out what he could have done differently to change the outcome but ultimately he kept coming to the same conclusion no matter how he looked at it that he had not heard Freddie climb up onto the roof. Involuntarily he flinched as he silently scolded himself for losing his alertness. He ignored the way his hands cramped from how tightly he was holding onto the edge of the roof as he looked over his shoulder at Freddie. "I'm fine." He grumbled although his voice lacked any conviction with the words as he turned back to the night sky.

Freddie was unable to stop the scoff from sneaking past his lips at Steve's denial and he took Steve talking as permission to move to stand beside him. "You had to kill a teenager today Steve. A teenager who was wearing a bomb and who was coming straight at us. A teenage suicide bomber." He drove his point home even as he cringed and hated himself for being so blunt.

A thinly veiled shudder ran through Steve's spine and he hated when Freddie deliberately reminded him of things when he just wanted to pretend he was fine. "I know what I did Freddie." He snapped far to defensive before he blew out a heavy somewhat frustrated breath. "I know what I did." He reiterated albeit softer before he dipped his head for the few seconds it took to blink away the stinging in his eyes.

You are so far from fine brother, Freddie thought grimly as it was clear to him that Steve was struggling greatly which was completely understandable. "You were the only one of us that had the shot brother." The paralysing kill shot went unsaid but it was the truth and it was the only reason the entire team was alive and safe. "We got out alive because of you Steve." He would say it over and over again however many times Steve needed to hear it.

Steve pushed himself up onto his toes for several seconds before he settled back on the heels of his feet as he continued to stare vacantly out into the night sky. "That kid, boy, couldn't have been any more than fifteen Freddie." He let his eyelids slam shut for a few seconds as his voice wavered against his will. "I don't understand it." He grimaced as he let go of the edge of the roof ignoring the stiffness in his hand before he scrubbed it over his face.

"Understand what?" Freddie queried as it could have been a multitude of things that Steve did not understand.

"How anyone could strap a bomb to anyone let alone a kid. Or why a suicide bomb is anyone's choice..." Steve dropped his hand back down onto the edge of the rooftop clenching it tightly. He shook his head lightly as he knew better than to dwell on it however he could not stop thinking about it. "I killed a kid today."

It was clear that Steve was spiralling and Freddie idly wished there was some sort of manual or training for this type of situation. He turned around so his back was to the city and so he could focus all of his attention on Steve. "The kid had his finger on the detonator which means he was going to die either by bomb or bullet today." It was cruel and callous but it was a way to look at it. "And we all know he understood our instructions as he spoke the same language back to us." There really had been no other option left besides letting the kid kill all of them.

Steve drew in a shuddered breath as logically he knew what Freddie was saying was right but it did not make him feel any better as he was the one who had pulled the trigger. "It doesn't help to know any of that." He grumbled bitterly as his brain warred with itself.

"Nothing is going to help." The words were out before Freddie could stop them. "Sorry brother." He immediately apologised as he felt incredibly guilty for saying what he had.

"Don't apologise when you are right... Nothing is going to help." Steve resigned himself to the fact that he would have to carry the choice he made with him for the rest of his life. "It had to be done, I know that, but it doesn’t make me feel any better." He admitted as he turned around and slunk down until he was sat down with his back up against the wall.

If Freddie had not already been concerned then Steve's defeated posture would have alarmed him. He blew out a breath as he eased himself down to sit next to Steve although he made sure not to crowd him too much. "We can't stay up here all night." He figured it was worth pointing out because he knew Steve's habits and the fact that he would spend the night looking up at the stars if he was given the opportunity to as they were not flying home until the morning. "You need to take a shower and eat something before we have to catch our flight home." He would not be swayed on those points as he knew Steve had not done either.

Steve tipped his head back focusing on the night sky again as he knew Freddie was right although he could not bring himself to admit it. "When we land we have to go straight in for an AAR (After action report)." He was not looking forward to having to explain himself to command but it had to happen so it was best to get it over with.

"Everyone has your back brother." Freddie delivered solemnly. "We all know we are getting on the plane and going home because of you and the shot you took brother."

Steve rolled his head to the side to look at Freddie before he scrubbed his hand over the side of his neck harshly as looking at the sky was not bringing him any peace at all. "We have had a lot of missions that have gone sideways but this one..." He trailed off with a shake of his head.

"But this one was FUBAR." Freddie finished where Steve had left off as it was the only description he had.

"Yeah..." Steve agreed uneasily and involuntarily squirmed a little as he exhaled heavily. "FUBAR sounds about right."

For once Freddie let the silence settle between him and Steve as they had plenty of time before they had to leave and head home. The invisible wound that Steve currently carried would eventually turn in an invisible but heavy scar, and nothing would erase what he had to do.

*FUBAR - Fucked up beyond all recognition

Chapter Text

Groaning And Squirming (The Signs Of Life)

A hoarse, pained, groan emanated from beneath the coarse yet thin khaki green blanket and Freddie had to stifle his laughter by hastily slapping his hand across his mouth. It really was no laughing matter that Steve was as sick as he was considering their team medic had forced (bullied) an intravenous drip upon Steve the moment they were on the plane flying home now that the mission was complete.

Freddie turned his attention away from the bundled lump that was currently masquerading as Steve at the loud, sharp, sounding whistle that echoed around the plane. He rolled his eyes lightly as he caught sight of old timer Ash 'Southy' Sutherland coming towards him. "You good brother?" He asked quietly as the rest of the team were playing poker at the other end of the plane even though they were only twenty or so minutes from landing and disembarking.

Southy clasped Freddie's shoulder as he came to a stop beside him. "What are you going to do with McGarrett once we land?" He pointed towards the newly stilled lump. "Can he even breathe under there?" He asked instead of waiting for an answer to his first question.

A soft, short, chuckle left Freddie as Southy certainly was one of a kind. "Well he is breathing and I can tell that by all the groaning and squirming he's been doing." He grinned just as there was a fluttering of the layers of blankets and another hoarse groan. "And to answer your first question I am going to take the grumpy germ factory home with me." He let Steve be alone a lot of the time however this was not one of those times, and he figured if Steve was left alone then he would not take care of himself. "You enjoy coming out of retirement old man?" He figured he should ask even though it was pretty clear that Southy had and the man's knowledge really had been invaluable to them and their mission.

A gruff chortle left Southy and he took a few seconds to glance back over his shoulder. "There comes a time when you realise you can't keep up with the young bucks." He sobered as it had been a tough realisation to come to but he had although he was lucky that he got to be in an intelligence role when it was required. "Does your missus know that you are bringing him home?" He pivoted the conversation back to the original topic.

Freddie turned a little sheepish and attempted to cover it up by scrubbing his hand across his face. "She does and so does my Mom." His Mom was in town and he had no doubt that she was already making her version of chicken soup because she prescribed to the mantra that soup, staying in bed cocooned in blanket(s) and medicated was the only way to get through whatever ailment.

Southy arched his eyebrow up at Freddie's response before he grinned shamelessly as he realised the wider implication. "Ah! Mom has adopted him, huh?" He resisted the urge to chuckle. "Axel's Mom was the absolute same when it came to Benny." He could not stop the fond smile at the memory as he was fairly sure Axel's Mom had gone full 'momma bear' on all of them at one time or another (and there was no escaping the woman).

It was Freddie's turn to chuckle as he vaguely recalled Axel's Mom. "Yeah, I am pretty sure my Mom would adopt him if she thought she could get away with it." He confirmed with ease as sometimes he thought Steve needed to be adopted.

"Looks like we will be landing earlier than we expected too." Southy proclaimed as he felt the plane start to descend. "Go and get McGarrett ready... Do you want a hand getting him off the plane and to your truck?"

Freddie smirked at Southy's question and he began to shake his head despite the mirth he felt. "The stubborn idiot won't even admit he is sick so he isn't going to accept help getting off the plane." But I will still trail behind him ready to catch him like a parent does with a baby that is just learning to walk, he thought as he had done the exact same thing when they walked onto the plane.

Southy let out a knowing hum before he clasped Freddie's shoulder. "Good luck. You'll need it brother." His laughter boomed around the plane as he walked away because he knew when to take his leave.

A heavy put upon sigh left Freddie as he began to trudge towards Steve as the plane descended further. It was like poking the bear, he thought begrudgingly as he came to a stop beside the hammock and had to brace himself using the netting as the plane banked to the right. He gritted his teeth and grimaced as his ears blocked up just as they always did whenever the landing was like this one was setting up to be. And if his ears hurt then Steve's had to be feeling so much worse.

The plane levelling out was a welcome respite and Freddie let out the breath he was holding as soon as his ears popped and they hit the tarmac with a hard thud. "Steve, brother, its time to get up." He unhelpfully nudged at the lump beneath the blankets earning a loud groan and what appeared to look like an attempt at burrowing by Steve.

" 'eave me 'lone." Steve's hoarse voice made him cringe and it hurt to speak as he attempted to pull the blanket further around himself.

Patience, Freddie reminded himself silently as he had only dealt with sick Steve once before and it had been trying to say the least. "Up McGarrett." He was as firm as he could be as he figured it was worth a try.

Steve muffled the cough that bubbled out of his chest before he groaned as whatever bug he had picked up was awful (although he would not admit it aloud). He tugged the blanket down just far enough that he could glare at Freddie although he knew it would be ineffective given how badly his eyes were watering. "Just 'eave me 'ere." He managed to grumble before his voice cracked and set him off coughing.

Freddie rolled his eyes at Steve before he shook his head and grabbed the edge of the blankets then pulled them off with a small flourish. "C'mon, it's time to go home." He left no room for any argument. "C'mon, get up and I will give you the blanket back." So he was not above bargaining to get Steve up.

A stifled hum left Steve as he wearily pushed his aching body up out of the hammock he was in. He winced at the bright sunlight that flooded the plane's interior and he quickly ducked his head to protect his eyes. A shiver racked through his body and he held his hand out for the blanket because he wanted to back as he was freezing. And he let out a hoarse hum once he finally got the blanket back and wrapped around himself.

It was going to be a long evening, Freddie thought with a grimace of his own as he shouldered both his and Steve's bags. "Let's go Steve." He gave him a gentle nudge to get moving as Steve was now wavering on his feet.

Absentmindedly Steve pulled the blanket tighter around himself as he unwillingly began to trudge off of the plane. He had to stop at the bottom of the ramp and bend over as he coughed so much that he started to choke. He struggled to draw air into his lungs and the harder he tried the worse it got as he only coughed harder. "Argh." He managed to get out in between bouts of coughing while he resisted the urge to spit.

Maybe a detour to the infirmary was in order, the thought crossed Freddie's mind but he momentarily dismissed it as Steve looked as though he felt awful enough without being poked and prodded by an overeager doctor although if Steve did get worse then he would not rule it out. He stood idly by as Steve attempted to cough his lungs up and only moved forward when the coughing finally slowed. "Here." He held out the bottle of blue Gatorade he had snagged from the cooler for Steve.

It took Steve several seconds to straighten up and rearrange the hold he had on the blanket before he reached out to take the proffered bottle from Freddie. " 'hanks." He croaked and took a sip of the cool liquid which helped soothe his raw throat before he began shuffling forward.

The walk from the plane, across the tarmac, and to the carpark was a precarious one as far as Freddie was concerned as he watched Steve wobble with every shuffling step. "Woah. Where do you think you are going?" He grabbed Steve's elbow as Steve veered sharply to the left instead of going to the right where his truck was parked.

Steve paused and his forehead furrowed at Freddie's question. "I'm going to my truck." He answered despite the fact it seemed obvious as he just wanted to go home and crawl into bed until he felt like he was not dying anymore.

Patience, Freddie reminded himself silently as he looked at Steve dumbly for a few seconds. "I am driving you home." There was no way in good conscious that he could let Steve drive. "You are squinting and your eyes are watering." He decided to add on for good measure to prove his point as he kept a hold of Steve's elbow.

A huff left Steve as Freddie had a point. "I just 'ant to go 'ome." He scrubbed his hand across his face tiredly as he really did not feel well.

"Then get in my truck." Freddie rolled his eyes at Steve and he pointed towards where his own truck was parked. "I know you aren't feeling well nor are you in any state to drive." Not that you will admit it, he mentally added on as he did not dare say it aloud.

An unintelligible grumble left Steve even as he started shuffling towards Freddie's truck holding the blanket tightly around himself. He was not going to stand and argue with Freddie especially not when he felt the way he did.

Freddie unlocked his truck as soon as he was within range and he heaved their bags into the bed before he climbed into the driver's seat. He had to stifle a laugh the moment he looked across at Steve who was in the passenger seat and was now completely swallowed by the blanket with his head rested against the glass of the door. He started the truck and pulled out of the parking space to begin the drive home.

The short drive from the base's parking lot to the new house that Freddie and Kelly had only recently moved into went by in relative silence with the odd cough and groan that came from Steve.

"Steve, we are here." Freddie stated as he bought the truck to a stop in the driveway next to Kelly's beat up sedan.

A groan left Steve and he blinked owlishly against the brightness of the natural light once he had pulled the blanket away from his face. "This 'sn't my 'ouse." He grumbled with a heavy sigh as he was disappointed because he really just wanted to go home.

"No, it's not. It's mine." Freddie confirmed rather pointlessly as he shut the engine off, undid the seatbelt and opened the door to get out. "You are staying here until you are better. Now get out and trudge your way inside."

Steve grumbled (cursed) under his breath as he freed himself from the seatbelt then almost stumbled (fell) out of the cab of the truck as the blanket got a little tangled. He did not even have the energy to argue despite how much he wanted to be in his own bed.

Oh! You really are not feeling well. Freddie led Steve up the footpath to the house and he knew the moment Steve was feeling better that he would be fighting him once more. He stepped to the side and let Steve shuffle into the house ahead of him and he smiled at the heavenly smell of his Mom's homemade chicken soup that greeted them. "Go lay down... Take the second bedroom to the right." He instructed a little forcefully even though there was no need to be given how Steve looked ready to collapse.

The strength to maintain being upright was waning at a lightning fast pace and Steve did not even bother trying to pretend as he shuffled to the bedroom that Freddie had directed him too. And as soon as the bed was within reach he haphazardly flopped down face first onto the pillow, let out a muffled groan, and wiggled around just enough so that he was completely covered with the blanket that he had bought in with him.

Freddie had followed after Steve at a more sedate pace and he had to stifle a chuckle at Steve's starfish position. He very gently eased Steve's bag down onto the floor and leant it up against the wall before he stepped out of the room leaving Steve to rest as whatever illness he had was certainly taking its toll. There would be time for homemade chicken soup and medication later on once Steve was awake but for now his task was to hold his Mom off as she was already circling in mother hen mode.

Chapter Text

A Quick Check In

The bar was crowded with team guys - past and present, their partners, and various other people, and they were gathered for one important reason which was the (overdue) retirement of Commanding Officer Errol Anderson (more so to make sure the man actually retired then because they cared).

Freddie grimaced at the overcrowded and noisiness of the bar, and he knew if he was finding it overcrowded and noisy then Steve would be too. He strained his neck trying to see Steve through the hoards of people but it was impossible and he turned back to Kelly who was looking at him with thorough amusement. "What?" He asked as he pulled her in close until they were pressed together.

Kelly laughed loudly which was easily lost in the noise and she rolled her eyes as she laid her hands flat on Freddie's chest. "You are looking for Steve." She smiled broadly as she was used to the bromance between her boyfriend and his best friend. "You know you have to stop forcing him to do things that he does not want to do." Her smile fell away as she was serious as it seemed to her that sometimes Freddie went too far in pushing Steve and it worried her.

A soft chuckle left Freddie as he looked around the room even as he tightened the hold his hands had on Kelly's hips. "No one really wants to be here." He pointed out quietly once he had ducked his head so his lips were right next to her ear. "And Steve can't stay on base all the time." It was a point they, he and Steve, did not always agree on. "But I can understand Steve's reluctance on this occasion." He begrudgingly could admit as he had pushed Steve to come but only because if Steve had not then the snub would have been noticed.

"What do you mean?" Kelly asked sensing there was a story behind Freddie's words as she looked up at him before she shook her head as she changed her mind. "Tell me later... Go find Steve."

"I love you." Freddie kissed Kelly quickly before he untangled himself from her and began to make his way through the crowd.

A laugh left Kelly as she watched Freddie disappear into the heaving crowd before she turned back to the bar as she could do with a drink as he was right that no one wanted to be there.

Freddie caught sight of Steve heading towards the exit and he quickened his pace in an effort to catch up with him unsurprised that he was trying to duck out. "McGarrett." He growled as he grabbed Steve and pinned him against the brick wall of the bar as soon as they were outside.

All the air escaped Steve's lungs in a rush and his back arched once it had collided with the brick wall. "What the hell Freddie?" He grunted the moment he realised who it was that had him pinned against the wall. And Freddie was lucky that he recognised him considering he had grabbed him from behind.

Once Freddie was sure that Steve was not going to bolt he let go although he did not step back. "You good?" He kept his voice low as Steve was ridiculously tense and the kind of tenseness that Steve was displaying led to stupidity by other lesser people.

"I'm going home." Steve declared with no attempt to push Freddie away from him. "I've been here long enough."

"He's a bastard Steve." Freddie interrupted as he recognised the signs of Steve spiralling and he regretted dragging Steve to the bar. "But you don't get to go and do anything stupid either." He reprimanded clearly. "Just think this time tomorrow night he will be in Florida far far away from all of us."

Steve rolled his eyes at Freddie's words even though he tended to agree with them. "I'm not going to do anything stupid." He muttered petulantly as he had already said he was going home for the rest of the night. "How many more of us are out there?" He did not mean to say it aloud but the question came out before he could stop it and he let his head fall back against the bricks causing him to grimace.

Freddie softened the hold he still had on Steve and stepped back just as an almighty roar sounded from inside of the bar. "Anderson knew how to torture those he singled out." And unfortunately Steve was one of those singled out by Anderson repeatedly during BUDS (because of Joe White).

A scoff left Steve at Freddie's response as it felt like a completely inadequate description of what Anderson did however he did not want to get into it so he shook his head dismissively. He took a few seconds to look around and his forehead furrowed before he looked back at Freddie. "Did you leave Kelly inside?" His tone was more accusatory than he meant it to be but the bar was overcrowded and they were at the point where alcohol and egos began to clash despite the event.

Freddie's frown matched Steve's as what was being implied dawned on him and he turned sheepish. "Yeah... I better go get her but only if you are good brother." It was phrased as a statement but the questioning undertone did not go amiss.

"I'm good." Steve assured Freddie as he finally pushed himself away from the wall. "I really am just going to go home now that I have made my mandatory appearance."

"Okay." Freddie eyed him and was satisfied with what he saw. "Come over in the morning for breakfast."

Steve nodded his head as Freddie finally gave him some more space and he could step completely away from the wall. "As long as you and Kelly are fully clothed when I arrive." He quipped lightly despite how serious he was as he had seen way too much of the two of them partially clothed or worse. "Go rescue her before it gets out of control in there." He told Freddie as he raised his collar up to protect himself from the cold night air as he planned to take a slow walk home.

Chapter Text

Commiseration

A wounded heart was always temperamental at best but a wounded heart in the middle of a gucci deployment was a recipe for complete and utter disaster. In all his years of service, Steve had seen many men deal with a break up in numerous ways, few healthy and several unhealthy, so he had an idea of all the ways that Freddie and Kelly's break up could go and it was a grim premise.

It was easy to lose count or at least Steve had when it came to how many times Freddie and Kelly had broken up as they were the most on-off couple that he knew. However this time seemed to be different and he was not sure what to make of it. He let out a heavy sigh and scrubbed his hand across the side of his neck as they had some downtime and right now in the state Freddie was in downtime was not a good thing.

There were moments where Steve was relieved that Freddie was not a complicated man because it meant that Freddie was relatively easy to locate when he inevitably wandered off during their downtime. Steve drew in a sharp albeit long inhale as he stepped out onto the balcony of the hotel bar and he pulled his jacket tighter around himself as the air was brisk. It was ridiculously easy to spot Freddie at the far end of the balcony all hunched in on himself and huddled close to the outdoor heater that was next to him.

Freddie carelessly swirled the rum around in the glass causing it to slosh over the rim and splash onto his fingers as he stared out over the city skyline unseeing. His mind was firmly stuck on Kelly who was thousands of miles away doing god knows what after she ended it because she could not handle another deployment. The sound of light footsteps approaching had him rolling his head to the side and he was not surprised to see that Steve had searched him out but he made no effort to move instead he turned back to the view in front of him.

Oh great! Steve thought sarcastically as it was clear that Freddie was going to be difficult. "What are you drinking?" He asked lightly as he sat down to the right of Freddie and he relaxed back into the chair as the warmth radiated towards him.

"Rum." Freddie tipped the glass towards Steve sending more of the liquid sloshing over the rim and onto his fingers. He bought his hand up and quickly licked the rum from his fingers before he downed what was left in the glass and then refilled it from the bottle he had bought. He set the bottle down with a small thud and let out a heavy sigh.

Rum was not Freddie's drink as it made him an odd mix of morose and maudlin which Steve had plenty of experience with given how often Freddie and Kelly broke up. He eyed the bottle that was sat beside Freddie and only a third of it was gone which was relatively good news. "Do you feel like hitting the gym?"  He would prefer the pool but alcohol and swimming did not work together, and it would be easier to keep an eye on Freddie that way.

An unamused snort left Freddie at Steve's question and he tipped the freshly filled glass in his direction. "Nope." He answered shortly as he had no plans past sitting on the balcony and getting drunk on rum before he slipped from the glass.

A muffled sigh left Steve's lips as not only was Freddie going to be morose and maudlin but he was also going to be completely pig-headed. "Okay." There was no point in arguing when Freddie was in the state he was in. He stretched his legs out and crossed his feet at his ankles as he settled in for the duration because it would only be a matter of time before the rum had Freddie talking.

Slowly sip by sip Freddie drained the glass and as soon as it was empty he filled it right back up. Pointedly he tried to ignore Steve but it did not work and it was frustrating him. "What do you want me to say? Kel couldn't take another deployment." He shrugged his shoulders even though it stung and he punctuated his words by downing half the glass of rum.

And there it is, Steve knew it would come although it had taken more time than he initially thought it would based on previous experience. "Say what you want. You need to get it out of your head." As it is already dangerous went unsaid as Freddie did not need him to say it.

Damn McGarrett! Freddie thought begrudgingly and he half-heartedly glared at Steve for a few seconds before he turned his eyes back to the skyline in front of him. He sighed heavily as he leaned forward and he scrubbed his hand over his face before he downed the rest of the rum in his glass then refilled it. "I just can't get her out of my head brother." He admitted with a small shake of his head. "And I know how we are, I do, but something feels different about this time." But he could not figure out exactly what was different.

Steve was not exactly sure how to respond and it did not help that he was socially inept nor did he have a lot of relationship experience to lean back on. Sometimes all you need to do is listen, he reminded himself of something Aunt Deb had told him once and decided to enact it.

"It doesn't make sense." Freddie started talking again and he huffed. "She was crying, saying she didn't want to do it, but she did it anyway." He stopped and shook his head before he took a sip from the glass in his hand. "I can't help but feel like there was more to it and its driving me crazy man." He sighed heavily and scrubbed his hand over his face as he could not get it out of his mind. "Nothing makes sense. No matter how I look at it."

A very short and extremely muffled hum left Steve as he listened to Freddie. "Have you reached out?" It seemed like a dumb question but it was also a decent starting point.

Freddie shook his head softly from side to side for a few seconds before he regretted it as drinking straight rum on an empty stomach was not one of his best ideas. "Figured it was best to give her the space she clearly desired." But I have been tempted went unsaid.

Steve nodded his head lightly as he did not know if there was a right answer. "You have to do what you think is the best brother." Space or no space was incredibly hard to answer, and it was not one that Steve could.

A small amused snort left from Freddie as the irony was not lost on him that he was talking to Steve who quite frankly knew nothing about adult relationships about his own failed relationship. "Who the hell knows what's best? I sure as hell don't." He huffed bitterly before he took a large mouthful of rum from the glass.

"We need to get you some food." To soak up the rum, Steve added on silently as he had no idea what more he could say.

"I'm good with rum." Freddie replied quickly before he downed the rest of the glass and filled it straight back up as he was intent on finishing the bottle by himself.

Losing battle, Steve recognised it for what it was and he was not about to argue with Freddie over it. The one thing he did know was that if food was put in front of a drinking Freddie then he would graze and snack his way through it. There was no need to tell Freddie not to go anywhere because it was clear that he had absolutely no intention of moving until the bottle of rum was gone. "I'll be back in a few minutes." He murmured anyway hoping that he could order some food as he meandered away.

Freddie blew out a relieved breath at Steve's retreating figure despite knowing that Steve would be back. In one mouthful he swallowed down the entire glass of rum then refilled it again. A rueful sounding hum left him as he slouched a little further down in the chair as his mind strayed.

Steve was grateful that the hotel was so accommodating as the bar manager had been more than willing to have the chef put together a grazing platter of some sort as well as bring them a lot of water. He slowly made his way back out and over to Freddie and it did not escape his notice that the bottle of rum only had a quarter or so left as he sat back down. "The food will be here shortly." He announced softly while he pulled his jacket a little tighter around himself to stave off the much hated cold.

"Maybe its time I consider retiring." Freddie mused and out of the corner of his eye he saw the brief look of shock that crossed Steve's face before he could conceal it. "Kelly couldn't do another deployment - that's what she said... If I don't deploy then its problem solved." It was a naive way to think but it was what he kept circling back to in his mind. "It's the job that she can't handle."

The age old conundrum of why so many relationships of those in the military failed, Steve thought as he had seen and heard countless times of those who had left the service for the survival of a relationship only for it to fail and for them to lose a lot more than just the relationship. "And what would you do if you left the Navy?" He decided to pose the question simply due to Freddie's ill thought out notion.

Freddie frowned at the question from Steve and he blinked owlishly as the rum hit him harder. "I don't know." He finally grumbled and swirled the rum around in the glass in his hand. "I just don't want to lose her. I love her Steve." And that was the crux of it because he loved Kelly and his job which led to the dilemma he had.

Steve went to reply but he stopped himself from doing so temporarily as the food and water was bought and set down in front of them. "Thank you." The platter looked incredible as it had a wide and varied assortment of finger foods laid out. He waited until they were alone before he turned his attention back to Freddie. "Then tell her that. Tell her you love her and that you don't want to lose her. Tell her that when you are sober." Kelly should be the one being told hence why he implored Freddie to tell her. "Start eating and stop drinking." That came out as an order although the bottle was just about empty.

"I'm not drunk." Freddie declared although he could hear the slight slur in his own voice. "Okay... maybe a little." He admitted with a slight frown. "You are a good friend brother."

And just like that Freddie set the glass down and started to eat bits and pieces of the food in front of him. A small and somewhat smug smile settled on Steve's face as he had known that Freddie would do it as the man was kind of predictable when it came to food. The heart was still wounded and it would be for as long as it took for Kelly and Freddie to figure it out but Steve would do everything possible to make sure that wounded heart did not result in anything else being wounded.