Chapter Text
It was mid-morning, two or so weeks after the timeline had been fixed after Time’s End. Mustache Girl had mostly been moping around her cave that whole time. After all, if she couldn’t save her island, even with all the power in the universe at her fingertips, what could she even do?
Well, it seemed in those two weeks, she had hatched another plan. This plan had a different approach than before, relying on wit instead of violence… and, it required her to save up for ferry and train fare.
The ferry was just to take her to the mainland- while the seals were largely incompetent, they managed to get her to her destination with minimal delay.
Now, onto her second means of transportation, the train. She wasn’t quite sure how Conductor would react to her presence- after all, she had tried to kill him only two weeks prior.
Steeling her resolve, she went up to talk to him on the platform closest to the ferry to Calcite City (The Mafia would have to kill her before she’d ever willingly call her island Mafia Town), hoping he’d be able to take her to her destination.
“Hullo, lass! What can I do for yeh?” The Conductor gave her his usual greeting for girls her age, likely because he was simply trying to remain professional and polite while at work.
“One ticket to Subcon, please!”
Mu presented the bird with a large handful of pons.
… The Conductor chuckled slightly, tugging at his collar to subtly indicate his discomfort.
“Ah, heheh… Lass, the train doesnae go there. Is there anywhere else I can take yeh?”
“Liar! I’ve seen the tracks there myself! I know they’re there, and I know they still work! ” Mu yelled, her distaste for moral wrong slightly tainting her words.
The Conductor merely coughed in an attempt to refocus her attention.
“…Lassie, let me rephrase. The train doesnae go there, anymore. ”
“And why not?!”
He turned his head slightly, looking towards the train.
“Look, I cannae tell yeh the whole story, since it’s not mine ta tell. But , I can tell yeh at the very least, it’s nae a place for little girls. ”
“Wh-“ Mu stomped her foot on the ground. “I’m not just some little girl, thank you very much! I can handle myself!”
“Lass…” Conductor’s voice sported a tired gravel, one that rarely showed up when he was on the clock. “It doesnae matter how strong yeh are. It’s full of the dead. Specifically, dead people that dinnae like livin’ people leavin’. Seen it happen meself, too many times ta count. I’m nae lettin’ yeh go there alone.”
“Oh…” Mu frowned, “But I’ve got to go there! It’s my best chance to fix what I did!”
Conductor sighed.
“I cannae talk yeh out of this, can I?”
Mu shook her head.
“Alright,” he continued, “I’ll… take yeh as close as the train goes. It’s a few miles walk from there. And, for the sake of yer safety and my sanity, if yeh see snow, walk in the other direction.”
“Yesss!” Mu cheered, passing him her pons as he fished for the right ticket in his book.
The train ride was comfortable, lasting a few hours as the different biomes on their planet faded into each other. It went from the sand of the tropics to the sand of the desert, where eventually more and more rocks showed up, and then the train went north, where the humidity was high enough that the windows fogged up, and slowly more mulch and foliage and greenery started appearing, transitioning slowly into the giant trees that Subcon was famous for. Unfortunately, those giant trees were still in the distance before the train stopped.
“Lassie?” Conductor called out from the front of the train car, scanning the seats for Mu’s red hood. “This is yer stop.”
“Oh, is it? Alright, I guess I’ll be leaving then.” Mu hopped out of her seat and approached the front of the car. “Thanks for the ride.”
Conductor gave her a little wave as she made her way onto the ground.
At the very least, there was a path for her to follow. Off to walking, she supposed.
The walk to Subcon took about another hour. Luckily, her years of evading the Mafia had left her rather limber, so she wasn’t really tired by the time she got there. She’d been questioning when exactly all the trees around her would count as Subcon proper, but her question was answered when she ran face-first into what looked like a giant, shimmery wall, just as intangible as the ones that surrounded those weird hourglasses. All of a sudden her surroundings grew dark, and the fog from the humidity around her turned into an odd, purple haze.
There was some movement in the bushes.
“HELLO? Who’s there?”
Mu readied a fighting stance, but all she saw was something scurrying away from her.
“Wait- no! Come back! I just want to figure out what just happened!”
She chased after the motion, and before she knew it, she’d strayed from the path.
Uh oh.
A murky swamp she hadn’t seen before babbled playfully to her left, but upon closer inspection it seemed as if the souls of the damned were actually the ones making that sound, trying to lure her closer so they could drag her in and assimilate her soul into the wine-dark depths.
She stepped away from it, slightly.
To her right was a field of graves. After looking at the swamp, she was rightfully afraid they’d also try to grab her and drag her down, so she ran straight ahead, trying to find any landmarks she recognized. That said… She’d only been to Subcon once before, very briefly. It was unlikely she’d recognize anything around h- Oh look! A path! It seemed to be the same sort of path as had appeared in front of her the first time she’d arrived in Subcon.
She followed it, as people generally did when they found paths in the woods, and almost found surroundings she recognized- There was a giant tree in the middle of a pond, surrounded by mushrooms, and that was all she could see before she tripped.
Suddenly, the ground lifted up from beneath her, drawing a tarp’s corners into a neat little bundle where she thrashed and writhed like a butterfly in a spider’s web.
“LET GO OF ME, YOU PSYCHO!” she cried, though she was unsure if anyone would actually hear her at whatever elevation she was at now.
And then she fell.
Instead of the forest surrounding her, there was now a swirling abyss- though it was just as purple as ever. She thought she could even see people’s souls in the distance if she squinted far enough, similar to how she could see them in the swamp.
Her rumination came to an abrupt halt, however, as a booming voice signaled the arrival of a figure, much like a strike of lightning at midnight signaled the arrival of a thunderstorm.
“FOOOOOOOOOOO-“ The figure began coughing. “Sorry, just, um, give me a second. My voice has been really overworked lately.”
…The figure summoned a cup of herbal tea to soothe his voice.
He also happened to be the one Mustache Girl was looking for- The Snatcher of Subcon.
“Where was I? Ah yes. FOOOOOOOOOOOOL! Oh, forget it, I’ve lost the element of surprise.” The ghost squinted at the little girl in front of him. “Why are you here ? I just fixed that trap. I sincerely hope you’re not here to keep trying to do that whole justice thing.”
“Well, er, about that… ”
“Great, because my day couldn’t be going any worse already. Look. Kid. I’m already dead, lava isn’t going to do anything.”
“ That’s not actually why I’m here.”
Mustache Girl fidgeted with her cape slightly, almost hiding behind it.
“ Really? Well go ahead then, I may as well entertain you for a few seconds before popping your head off.”
“…You’re a lawyer, right?”
Snatcher’s air of haughtiness quickly dissipated, though it was soon replaced by a sharklike glint in his eyes.
“Yes… I am. Why, is someone trying to sue you?”
“No- But I had a thought, after I landed back home. If I’m going to restore justice, I may as well do it properly. So, since you’re the only lawyer I know, I thought I’d at least ask. How do I become a judge?”
Snatcher outright started laughing at that, before quickly realizing that his voice hurt and he should probably drink more tea before it got worse.
“ You? Study law? You’re like ten!”
“I’m twelve! ”
“Close enough!”
Mu pouted slightly, but let him continue.
“Look, kid, before you become a judge, you’re going to have to become a lawyer. And let me tell you , that is a lot of gruelling work. More than a kid like yourself would be able to handle.”
“Oh yeah? I’ve fought the Mafia one on one before, this’ll be nothing!”
Snatcher stifled another laugh before summoning a few things.
First, naturally, was a contract.
Second, was a large stack of paperwork.
The third item was a large, heavy tome, almost as big as Mustache Girl herself, labelled “THE RULES OF INTERSTELLAR CIVIL PROCEDURE” in a fancy gold font.
“Okay, prove yourself as worthy then, and I might consider taking you on as an apprentice. The contract’s just to make sure all the work you do for me counts as my work. …Which also means I’m legally liable if you screw up, so don’t do that. ”
“Wait, work? ”
“Paperwork, you fool! That’s like 90% of a lawyer’s job! I mean, normally they have paralegals and stuff running around so they don’t have to do everything themselves, but I already tried that with my minions and they all have terrible handwriting.”
“Oh…” This job seemed far less interesting than she’d hoped it’d be all of a sudden.
“Don’t give me that look. If I survived five years of law school, so can you,” he paused, before adding, “…To be clear, I died after I graduated. And not because of it. …Though, with the way some of my assignments were…” Snatcher shook his head. “…Okay, don’t worry about it is my point.”
“…You don’t beat up bad guys in the legal profession...?” Mu said, disappointment evident in her voice.
“No, we don’t. What are they teaching kids in school these days?”
Mu fidgeted with her cape.
“I, er. I haven’t been to school since I was eight.”
“WHAT?!”
“It’s because of the stupid mafia! They kicked out all the teachers!”
Snatcher sighed, the realization dawning on him that he was now semi-responsible for two children that he honestly wanted nothing to do with.
“Okay, I’ll see if I can… I dunno, find you a tutor or something to catch you up to speed. Come back here on weekends, do that paperwork, and I guess I’ll fund your “further education” at the expense of my “firm”… Just don’t be annoying about it or I’ll cut you off.”
A few more pages suddenly appeared at the back of the contract.
“Really? Can you even find tutors here?”
“I’m making no promises about keeping you on planet. Also, you’ll need to fix those manners of yours.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my bloody manners!”
Snatcher sighed again. “Look, kid, in law presentation is half the battle. No judge is going to take you seriously if you’re acting like a bratty child the whole time. I get you’re twelve , but you’re gonna have to pick up a book or something to figure out how to make a convincing argument.”
Mu crossed her arms. “Fine, I guess you have a point.”
“Now, will you sign that thing already so I can get those papers sorted?!”
Mu picked up the quill and moved to do so.