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THUMP!
"Fuck you."
From the very first moment, I was cautious.
The first thing I did before you came was remove everything around me that could've given away even a little detail. Books, toys, CDs, photographs, old drawings, keepsakes. I got rid of most of them so that you can never touch anything important from my real life. Because I never ever trusted you.
THUMP!
"Fuck you."
I was right to do that. The moment you appeared, you instantly started to invade my privacy, checking everything in my room, in the whole house, prying into things that were none of your business. You even wanted to mess with Asriel's belongings, but I managed to protect them from you. Most of them, at least. I was angry at you for doing that, angry at myself for not being able to stop you, but later, it turned out that the money you made me steal from my brother was nothing. Nothing at all.
THUMP!
"Fuck you."
There was no way for me to read your motives, but at first, I tried to be empathetic. Supportive even. I thought maybe the whole thing was confusing to you, too. Maybe you had no idea where you were, what was happening, who all those people around you were. Maybe you were terrified in the Dark World. Maybe all those Darkners that approached us scared you, and everything you did, you did it out of self-defense. Just like Susie. And I couldn't blame you for that, just like I couldn't blame her either. So I was willing to give you a chance. I didn't trust you, I hated everything that you made me do, but I believed I understood a piece of how you might have felt.
Until we were alone in the Dark World with her.
THUMP!
"Fuck you."
We used to be so close as kids. Hanging out together somewhere in town, sometimes at scary places like the forest behind the graveyard, having sleepovers and sneaking out to the living room at night to watch movies or play video games that our parents said we were too young for. Then everything changed. Through the last few years, we grew so apart that after a while, I didn't even feel like pranking her anymore. I didn't know if we could still be considered friends. But I hoped that spending some time with her after such a while could probably bring us a little closer together again.
But…
THUMP!
"Fuck. You."
I immediately knew that it was no self-defense anymore. I guess it never was. We were searching for them, we were hunting them, and they were trying to run away, run for their life, but there was nowhere to run, and eventually, they all met the same fate. They say hell is supposed to be dark and burning hot. But my hell was freezing and shining bright with icicles. I couldn't stop. She couldn't stop. And you wouldn't stop. With every step we took, the air turned colder and colder and colder, my chest grew tighter and tighter and tighter, her eyes became more and more and more empty, and you… I don't know, maybe I don't even want to know what you gained from all this.
THUMP!
"Fuck."
My mind was racing wild, and it made my head hurt so damn badly. I wanted to find a way to make it stop, to undo it somehow, to fix everything you'd broken. To make her forget about what happened. To let her know that everything was going to be okay, and this was all just a bad dream. Susie told her that, and I thought that was going to be enough. But hearing her shaken voice once we were back in the computer lab, seeing her trembling hands reaching for her textbooks and the look on her face while she was staring at Berdly, I knew that it wasn't.
THUMP!
"Is this what you wanted?"
There was no time to eat. No time to have any rest. And definitely no time for movie marathons. I was up all night, collecting all the fragments you've left behind and trying to put them back together. Library. Hospital. Noelle's house. Home. Dark World. Not a single minute of sleep until the fountain was sealed. And all I could think about was her. I promised I would never ever let you near her again.
THUMP!
"Fuck you."
And all this effort, all my attempts to fix as much as I could, they were in vain. You broke everything again. I don't know what I expected. That you didn't mean it? That you didn't know this would happen? That you realized it was a mistake? That you'd just simply mess up being the bad guy? No. This is exactly what you wanted, isn't it?
THUMP!
"Fuck you."
THUMP!
"Are you satisfied?"
THUMP!
"Are you happy?"
THUMP!
"Does this make you feel good?"
THUMP!
"Can you even feel anything at all?"
THUMP!
"Are you even capable of something like that?"
THUMP!
"Are you…"
"Kris? Kris, are you… okay in there?"
I freeze.
"Umm, just thought I'd let you know Mayor Carol is asking everyone to leave," Dad says hesitantly.
I can't move my body.
"And, umm, I thought you looked a little down today, so, um, I made a special treat for you. Your friend and I will be waiting for you outside with it."
I can't breathe.
"…feel better, Kris."
My knees buckle, and I fall on the floor. I'm lost. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trapped. All I can hope for is that I was able to make you understand the damage you've done. That you can finally see clearly where your choices are leading you.