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Arthur always knew that it would be over.
The funny feelings. Stolen kisses in the throne room. Hungry looks at each other. He knew that they were too good to last, good things wouldn’t happen to him. But he was lost in an illusion where he felt loved. He didn’t want to leave that illusion; he only wanted to feel the kisses, the caring touches for a bit longer.
That was what he thought when he caught Merlin using magic. No, no. That would be a lie. The first thing he thought was that Merlin was so beautiful with these golden eyes. How beautiful and cruel.
“I would never hurt you. I never hurt you.”
His voice was shaky, full of emotions. Was there love in that voice, Arthur thought, or was that another lie? He didn’t answer Merlin. They were supposed to be in a cute picnic together just when he managed to escape from one of his father’s boring meetings. Everything was ready. Merlin prepared the basket; Arthur picked the spot where they would have a picnic. He didn’t expect a bandit who tried to attack him from behind, that was not in the plan. When he felt the dagger on his neck, he thought that he was about to die. He was about to die in front of the person whom Arthur loved the most.
Then, Merlin whispered some words.
Now, they were just standing there. The bandit was dead on the grass; their picnic basket was also on the ground. But Arthur and Merlin still were looking at each other. Betrayal. Lies. The scent of blood. Everything was too much.
“Arthur,”
When Merlin took a step, the prince flinched. He didn’t mean to, but he was scared. Merlin he knew wouldn’t even hurt an ant, Merlin he knew didn’t have any magic. Merlin’s eyes were full of disappointment now, but Arthur couldn’t bring himself to care.
“How long?” He asked.
He didn’t need to specify it; Merlin answered without hesitation.
“Since I was born. It is in my blood, Arthur.”
“Well,” Arthur tried to talk. “I would prefer you practicing magic, though.”
Merlin’s face was full of disbelief, now. “What?”
“It would’ve meant that you learned it later. It would’ve meant that you are not lying to me since we met.”
Merlin shook his head; his eyes were full of tears just like Arthur’s. Arthur didn’t cry though; he was not that weak. There was no way he would show his tears to a sorcerer. To Merlin.
“I had to protect myself.”
It hurt more. Merlin thought that Arthur would kill him, would give him to Uther with his own hands.
“Even after you started to sleep in my bed?”
Merlin was clenching his fists, would he hit Arthur, Arthur wondered. Or would he prefer to use his magic?
“I had no other choice. How could I say that, Arthur? We are already keeping so many secrets from your father, would you keep it too? Why would I give that responsibility to you?”
Arthur would keep it, though. He would keep it with his own life. But Merlin didn’t give him that chance. Merlin didn’t trust Arthur.
“Just say it, you didn’t trust me at all. It was not about responsibility, you didn’t trust me with your life Merlin!”
Merlin opened his mouth, but Arthur had questions. “Who knows? Gaius?” Merlin nodded. It was not unexpected, but he still felt betrayed. “Who else? Gwaine? Gwen? Or is it Morgana? Did you tell Leon? Percival? Lancelot?” He saw the little nod. That hesitating tiny nod. Lancelot knew before him. Lancelot who joined them just a few months ago. Merlin trusted him, but not Arthur. The jealousy roared when he opened his mouth once more.
“Did you shag him too? You must have since you told him.”
“Arthur.”
“Did you whisper sweet things to his ear too? When you said you are in tavern, were you with him every time? Did you show him your magic in bed? Did you kiss him?”
“Enough!”
Arthur stepped back when he felt the wind. Merlin’s eyes were gold, again, he was furious. The basket on the ground was empty now, the impact of the wind must have moved it. A few plums rolled under Arthur’s feet. His favourites. Merlin’s eyes were turning back to normal, he shook his head in disappointment.
“Don’t you know me?” Merlin whispered. “Would I betray you?”
“Didn’t you, already?”
Arthur didn’t expect any answer, what would Merlin say anyway? He turned back to walk to the castle. Their beautiful meeting had turned into a nightmare so soon, now he had to go back to another nightmare.
“I only use it for you!”
Merlin’s voice echoed through the forest. Arthur didn’t need to look at him to know that he was crying. His shaky voice was the greatest evidence, after all.
“I use it to protect you. Only you, Arthur. I would burn the world if that means I can protect you from all the hurt, all the danger.”
“You should’ve protected me from yourself, first.”
It was too much, Arthur knew that even before finishing his sentence. When he dared to look at Merlin, he saw the tears rolling down the sorcerer’s cheeks. He couldn’t take it back, though. Not when it was true.
“We will act like nothing is wrong.” Arthur whispered. “There are two options you can choose, you will leave or-“
“I won’t.” Merlin interrupted him without hesitating at all. “I won’t leave you no matter what you say. Whatever you do.”
Whatever you do. Merlin was still thinking that Arthur would tell his father. The prince’s heart ached at the mistrust.
“Or,” He continued as if he didn’t hear Merlin. “You will continue to live in Camelot and protect yourself. If the king catches you, even I cannot save you. Nobody will know it, nobody will see your magic. You will continue to be a mere servant.”
“What will happen to us, then?” With the broken whisper, Arthur faltered.
“Nothing.” He muttered when he started to walk again. He had no intention to stop, this time. “We will be nothing.”
They were not talking much, anymore. There were some talks, for sure, it was inevitable when Merlin was still his servant. Maybe, Arthur should’ve sacked him. Maybe, it would be better for both. But it wouldn’t be a clever move. Not when they wanted to hide the fact that Merlin was a sorcerer.
And Arthur was a coward who can’t dare to be that away from Merlin. What a shame he was. When Gwaine managed to drop the prince’s sword, Arthur scowled.
“You are distracted, princess.”
They were alone in the yard, others’ training was over half an hour ago, but unexpectedly Gwaine wanted to spar with Arthur. The prince didn’t want to say no. He didn’t want to go back to his chambers, alone. Or Gods forbid, to be trapped in his chambers with his manservant.
“I’m not.”
Arthur’s mumbles were not satisfying enough for Gwaine, he crossed his arms on his chest.
“Are you responsible for Merlin’s brooding too? What have you done to the poor man again?”
Was it the reason that Gwaine wanted to spar? To interrogate him? How foolish of Arthur to think that Gwaine only wanted to spend his time with him.
“Why are you asking me?”
“Merlin looks sad. Devastated, actually. I’ve never seen him like that, you must’ve done something, princess. Nobody can break him more than you.”
The teasing note in Gwaine’s voice didn’t make his words softer, they crushed Arthur’s heart too easily. Was he that worst?
“Why do you assume I did something?”
“Well, you are the one who is acting so cold to our sweet Lancelot, and you are ignoring Merlin. Did he not polish your boots well? What about Lancelot, did his gold heart hurt your pride?”
Arthur chuckled, but that was not a cheerful chuckle, not at all. It was full of pain, full of disappointment. Did people he considered as friends not care for him at all? What about his pain?
“What about me?” He asked. “What about what they did to me?”
Gwaine’s smile faded, there was a scowl on his face now.
“Aren’t you the prince? What can they do to you?”
Arthur hummed. If he had more energy, he would’ve laughed.
“It is funny,” He said. “That you think I’m capable of hurting, but not getting hurt.”
Gwaine’s shocked face at Arthur’s answer would’ve been hilarious to watch under other circumstances, but now, it only managed to hurt Arthur more. He grabbed his sword from the ground.
“I must go back. It was a good spar, sir Gwaine.”
“Wait. Arthur,”
“It is ‘my lord’ to you,” Arthur said. “I don’t think we are close enough to call each other by names.”
Weren’t they? A few drinks shared in Arthur’s chambers, whispering gossips at the woods where they patrolled, teasing each other just to make others laugh. Arthur had thought all these were enough to be friends. But, how would he know, he was not experienced in making friends at all.
When he came back to his chambers, Merlin was wiping the floor. Arthur didn’t acknowledge his presence, he was ready to take off his dirty clothes and bath.
“Is bath ready?”
Merlin nodded hesitantly. He was much more careful with the prince now, Arthur hated it. The jokes were gone, the caring touches disappeared. Magic destroyed anything, again. Arthur took off his clothes ignoring Merlin and entered the bath. It was hot, he couldn’t help thinking if Merlin warmed it with his magic. Would the magic be capable of doing that? Arthur was sure that magic only could hurt. It always hurt Arthur, never healed him.
“May I wash your hair?”
Arthur silently nodded. He shouldn’t have accepted it, it was hard enough to be that close to him. He closed his eyes when Merlin’s fingers touched his hair. It felt familiar, but it was not. Merlin used to hum when he was washing Arthur’s hair. He used to steal kisses from Arthur’s open lips, he used to caress Arthur’s golden strands with such a care. It was never like this. Now, it felt awkward. Merlin’s fingers used to wander through his head like they belonged to there. Now, they were strangers to his hair, hesitating to touch it.
“Do you want your dinner now or later, I can bring it after your bath.”
“No,” Arthur objected. “I’ll go to bed early tonight.”
He heard Merlin’s sigh.
“Don’t do that, Arthur.” Arthur turned to look at him.
“What?”
“You are punishing me.”
Arthur forced a chuckle. “By not eating?”
“By not taking care of yourself.”
It was enough, he pushed Merlin’s hands away and stood up. He didn’t have any patience to wait to dry, he dressed up quickly. Merlin threw his hands to the air.
“Look at yourself. You are ignoring me.”
“Would you prefer to fight?” Arthur asked him. “Do you want me to yell?”
“Yes!” Merlin nodded, he looked desperate. “Talk to me. Blame me, threaten me, yell at me. But don’t ignore me.”
“Because I’m only good at doing these, right?” Arthur snorted. “The prince threatens people, yells at them, treats his servants badly.”
“What? Arthur, I don’t mean-“
“But you know what?” Arthur lifted his finger at Merlin. “You are right. You disappointed me, hurt me, betrayed me. You deserve worse than being ignored.” Why were his damn tears falling? Didn’t they drop enough? “I use my magic only for you, you said. Then I kept thinking. Thinking of all the times I surprisingly managed not to die. Then, I thought of the achievements I accomplished too. They were not my achievements, I realized. You were always next to me when all the things happened. Did you do them all?”
Tears were glistening in Merlin’s eyes. He didn’t deny it, though. That was more than answer to the prince. He chuckled.
“You must’ve laughed with Lancelot behind me.”
Merlin shook his head frantically, his hand leaned to touch Arthur’s arm, but he stopped himself. Arthur wished he didn’t.
“I would never! You are our, my future king, Arthur. I did all of them for you.”
“Do you know what the worst is, Merlin? You didn’t trust me. Even when I invited you to my bed, you didn’t choose to trust me. Or, was that a lie, too? Did you sleep with me to cover up your lies better?”
“How can you tell me that?!” Merlin shouted. The candles flickered with his yell, Arthur felt his insides turned into cold. “Isn’t it obvious that I love you?!”
Arthur stopped. These three words he would die to hear from Merlin just erupted so suddenly. The timing was terrible.
“I wish I could believe you.” Arthur’s whisper landed the room like an arrow, Arthur could see the effect of these six words on Merlin.
“Maybe,” Merlin said with a shaky voice. “Maybe if you gave me a reason to trust you, it would’ve been different.”
“What?”
“You are standing next to the king when he is killing innocents, Arthur. You are watching magic users getting executed. How could I trust that you wouldn’t have watched me next?”
It made sense. It was true. How could anyone trust the prince? Son of the tyrant king? But, that didn’t mean it hurt less.
“Good night, Merlin.” He said. Merlin looked at him with defeat. He must’ve realized that it was their ending, too.
“Good night, sire.”
When he left the room, Arthur collapsed to the ground. He could be weak, now.
Princes could be weak only when they were alone. It must’ve been their curse.
The next person who blamed him for upsetting Merlin was Morgana. It didn’t surprise Arthur, Morgana always had a soft spot for Merlin.
“What did you say to poor Merlin?” She asked, entering his chambers. “His eyes were so red.”
Did Merlin cry that much? That probably was why George brought his breakfast today, he probably didn’t want Arthur to see him. Or, he didn’t want to see Arthur. The latter would hurt Arthur more.
“What do you want, Morgana?”
“I swear, if he leaves Camelot because of you, I’ll burn your room when you are inside.”
Arthur hummed. “And if he did something to me?”
Morgana snorted. “Then I’d say you probably deserved it.”
Normally, Arthur would snap back, teasing her back. But he had other thoughts in his mind, more depressing thoughts.
“Do you think I will be a king just like father?”
Morgana nodded without any hesitation. “You are a copy of him. Why?”
He didn’t want to be, though, he wanted to be his own person. But if he was a copy of Uther, then Merlin was right about his worries. Arthur would only hurt him.
“Have I ever hurt you?” He blurted out. Morgana scowled in confusion, it was unexpected question from Arthur.
“Constantly.” She answered. “You are not a thinker, you love talking without thinking. But not just your words; your obedience towards Uther, your recklessness hurt me constantly.”
“Do I hurt the others too?”
“What brought it, Arthur?”
“Just answer me, Morgana.”
She sighed and nodded. “You push the knights too much. You poke your nose to my life a lot. You give too many jobs to Merlin. We are not your people. We are just people who are trying to live around you. you can’t act like you are the reason of our living.”
He never thought of that, though. He pushed the knights too much, because he knew they could be better. He had to prepare them for the worst. He poked his nose to Morgana’s life, because he cared for her. She had no idea how many times Arthur convinced his father not to marry her to some nobles. He gave too many jobs to Merlin, because… Because he wanted excuses to see his manservant more.
He didn’t think his actions would hurt them, though. He didn’t think he was a poison in their lives.
“Not only us, though.” Morgana shook her head. “You are hurting your people, Arthur. Can’t you see?” Her eyes were fierce. “You are scaring them, your obedience to Uther terrifies them.”
Arthur didn’t know how he could stop it, though. Wouldn’t he hurt his father, otherwise? Did they hate him too, it felt unfair. He would change if he could, but he wasn’t sure if he knew how to be someone else. His heart clenched at his loneliness.
He sneaked out when Morgana left his chambers.
He was sick of being trapped between the walls, but also seeing others outside seemed a bad idea, too. His blue cloak fortunately covered his face, he walked towards the woods.
‘You are pretty when your face is covered,” Merlin had insulted him when he wore this cloak before. Arthur had snorted, then. ‘Does that mean I’m ugly when it is not?’
‘Look at you,’ Merlin had teased him. ‘You became better to understand my insults.’
Gods, Arthur missed him so much. When he heard a voice, he stopped walking.
“You look troubled, darling.”
An old woman smiled at him. Her eyes were all white, she had a black dress on her. She looked harmless, but when she smiled, the prince felt restless. Arthur had no idea how she found him, was he careless? His question got answered when he realized his sword wasn’t near him. He was a fool.
“Who are you?”
“Names are tricky,” She said. “I don’t like telling my name. the only thing you should know is I can help you.” She had a snake shaped necklace, Arthur’s eyes drifted to it. It looked so real. The woman smiled when she caught Arthur’s glances and touched her necklace gently.
Arthur stepped back and turned around, but the woman appeared in front of him again. Sorceress.
“What do you want from me?”
“No, no, my dear. The true question is what do you want from me? What is your biggest desire, I can make it true.”
Arthur was not an idiot, there was no way he could trust her. He shook his head.
“I won’t ask for anything.”
She was following Arthur, the prince regretted not to bring his sword once more.
“Are you sure?” When Arthur continued to walk, she called after him.
“Don’t you want to be loved? You can ask for anything. To be desired? Not to be hurt?”
“Why do you want to hear my wish?”
She shrugged; her white eyes tingled with mischief.
“My existence depends on the wishes, my prince.”
She knew who he was, should Arthur be scared? He wasn’t, though. Being in danger didn’t feel scary, not after the things he had went through these days.
Arthur stopped moving. “What if..?” His shaky voice asked her. “What if I want to stop hurting others? I constantly hurt the ones I love. Is that possible? I-” He took a breath, she was watching him carefully. “I don’t want to be a disappointment, I don’t want to be the reason for my loves ones’ suffering. I hate hurting people, but somehow I’m always the problem. How can I stop?”
She smirked, it was that smile which made Arthur feel restless before. Who was she?
“How adorable. Your wish is my command, sire.”
“What?”
She chuckled and showed her neck. It was moving. The necklace was moving around the sorceress’ neck.
It was not a necklace anymore, the snake opened its mouth when the woman started to whisper something. There was no time to escape, snake jumped to Arthur’s neck. Arthur’s scream echoed in the forest, but nobody heard it. When he fell with a soft thud, the only thing he could hear was the whispers of the sorceress. When the snake bit his neck, the only thing he could think was Merlin.
Merlin would’ve saved him.
He closed his eyes.
“How is that possible?! Didn’t anybody see him leaving earlier?!”
“Sire, he is alright, he just needs to rest. But if you keep shouting…”
Arthur opened his eyes slowly, his head was throbbing in pain.
“My son,”
Did his father say my son? not just son, ‘mine’. Arthur tried to sit, but he hissed in pain instead.
“Be careful, sire.” Gaius warned him. “You must’ve fell hard.”
He nodded slowly. He did. Didn’t snake kill him, though? He touched his neck, but no bite scar. It was smooth.
“What happened?” He asked his father. Uther was scowling.
“Sir Gwaine found you passed out in the woods. What were you doing there?”
“I was just,” He hesitated. Was it real? The snake, the sorceress? “I was just walking, father.”
His father nodded. “Rest.” He didn’t said anything else, but he looked worried.
When he left, someone entered his chambers. Gwaine, Morgana. Merlin. Arthur’s breath hitched when he saw Merlin’s worried face.
“Are you alright, princess? You scared us.”
Scared them? Wouldn’t they be relieved if he died? Why wasn’t he dead, anyway? Why was he still here? Merlin rushed towards his bed pushing others aside. When he grabbed Arthur’s hand, the prince looked at him in confusion. Wasn’t he aware everyone was looking at them. Apparently, Merlin didn’t care. He lifted Arthur’s face gently to take a look carefully.
“Did you hit your head?” He said examining if there was a wound on his face.
“I’m alright, Merlin.”
“Why were you alone there, anyway? What if someone attacked you, Arthur?”
“Someone did.” Arthur’s whisper attracted all of their attraction, Morgana gasped. There were tears glistening in her eyes, did she really cry for him?
“Who?” She asked furiously. “Why didn’t you tell Uther?”
“I don’t have any proof. She-“
He hesitated. Gaius nodded at him to continue, he looked curious too.
“She asked for my wish repeatedly. When I said it, her snake attacked me.”
There was an unusual shock in Gaius’ face, there was fear too. He shook his head mumbling.
“She couldn’t have been.”
“Who is she, Gaius?”
When Gwaine asked, Gaius sighed. Merlin seemed to know her too, his face was pale.
“She is known as the serpent sorceress. She demands people she meets to tell their wish. She makes them happen, but…”
“But what?” Morgana demanded the answer.
“They always end deadly.” The worried glances Gaius shoots at him were unbearable, Arthur avoided looking at him.
“What did you wish, Arthur?”
Merlin was still holding his hand, he squeezed it tightly. “Maybe we can stop it, maybe we-“
“You can’t find her if she doesn’t want to be find, Merlin.” Gaius shook his head. “And she is the only one who can reverse her wishes.”
“What did you wish?” That question, again. It was full of desperation, as if knowing the answer would fix everything. Arthur let go of Merlin’s hand, shrugged silently.
“Don’t act like a kid, Arthur. that’s serious.” Morgana said, crossing her arms on his chest, but she was not angry. She looked worried. Over Arthur? “Let us know, maybe we can help.”
“Nothing will happen.” Arthur said tiredly. “I won’t die, she can’t make it happen anyway.”
“How do you know?”
Because I’m bound to hurt you, Arthur didn’t say. My whole existence will always haunt you and not spell can change that, he longed to say. Instead, he put his head on his pillow, again.
“I want to sleep.”
“But-“
“Let him. He needs it.” Gods bless Gaius, he forced them to leave them. Except one person.
“Go away, Merlin.”
“You can’t make me.”
“Merlin.”
He didn’t listen, of course. When did he even listen to Arthur anyway, it wouldn’t be the first. Merlin wiped Arthur’s hair that was dirty from the fall gently.
“How do you feel?”
“Exhausted.”
Merlin hummed but didn’t stop. He wiped Arthur’s face next, his slender fingers wandered on his forehead.
“Merlin,” Arthur whispered. “I’m not in death bed. Nothing will happen.”
“Did you know,” Merlin spoke. “serpent sorceress only appears when someone is desperate to be heard. When someone is ready to do anything for their wish.”
He turned to Arthur, his fingers stopped already. They were resting on Arthur’s cheek.
“What did you wish for, my love?” Merlin whispered. “What were you so desperate for?”
He didn’t wait for an answer, instead, laid beside Arthur.
“What are you doing, Merlin?”
“I’m sorry, Arthur. I’m so sorry to hurt you, not trusting you. You can hate me however you want, it is your right. But I don’t think I can leave you alone now. I don’t want to leave you alone.”
Maybe the spell worked, Arthur thought when Merlin got close. Their foreheads were touching now, Merlin’s hand was on his waist.
Gods, how he missed Merlin’s warmth beside him.
Maybe, the spell really worked and Gaius was wrong. The sorceress was helping him, there was no way it would end badly.
It wouldn’t, right?
“There will be a guest tonight.”
Uther announced in the middle of the breakfast, Morgana and Arthur looked at each other. Since the attack, it had been more than a week and Arthur was much better with anyone else. The spell worked, there was no way he could hurt anyone anymore, and he was good with Merlin.
Everything was going well.
Except the ache in his all bones. It was going worse day by day, just this morning he barely managed to lift his right arm. But he didn’t find it worthy to go to Gaius or tell Merlin. He was fine. Nobody was getting hurt because of him. Everything was fine.
“Who, father?”
“Adeline will come to visit. You don’t know her, she was your mother’s close friend.” Arthur lifted his head quickly at the mention of his mother. “I’ll throw a ball for her, she used to love them.”
“Why haven’t we heard about her before?” Uther smiled at Morgana. His smiles were always coming so easy to Morgana, Arthur never had that. He focused on his meal to avoid his feelings.
“She had some hard time, her husband passed away and moved away.” His smile was hesitant, now. “So when she wanted to come, I couldn’t refuse her. I’m expecting both of you to dinner.”
They both nodded, not that they could have a different answer.
Merlin was expecting him with kisses in his chambers, he let out a beautiful smile.
“Kitchen is full of chaos, will we have a guest?”
Arthur nodded, his body was aching again so he sat on his bed. Watching Merlin doing the errands was distracting him from his pain.
“He said she was my mother’s friend.”
Merlin turned to him excitedly. “That’s nice. Maybe she will talk about their memories together if you ask her.”
“Really?”
Merlin smiled and kissed Arthur’s forehead. “Of course.” He wrapped his arms around Arthur, let the prince bury his face on his chest. He was much more protective and caring these days, Arthur wondered if he was still worried over the serpent sorceress. Maybe, he had to tell Merlin about the pain he was going through. Maybe, that was the curse of his wish.
But that will hurt him, his inner voice whispered, just bear it, it will be much easier.
“I love you.” Arthur told him.
“I love you.” Merlin whispered at him.
They were great. Everything was going well.
“You are much better these days.” Gwaine told him in the training when Arthur was trying to catch his breath. His legs were screaming at him in pain, but Arthur chose to ignore them.
“What do you mean?”
“You are more collected, calmer.” You are not pushing us, Gwaine didn’t say, but Arthur got that. You are more bearable, Gwaine meant to say, Arthur knew that. They all preferred that Arthur, Arthur who had to change with magic to be more lovable. Arthur smiled ignoring the ache in his legs.
Everything was great. He was loved, everything was going so well.
“You look good, sire.” Lancelot commented. “Aren’t you angry, anymore?” Merlin must’ve told him about their fight.
Being angry meant hurting them, he wasn’t anymore. what good it would do, anyway? He smiled at Lancelot too, ignoring the tightening pain on his heart. Why was it hurting, too? the curse, he whispered at himself, it is the curse of my wish, I have to bear it.
They were alright, everything was going well.
The great hall was beautiful, today. The king must’ve ordered the kitchen to be generous; tables were full of food. Fortunately, the knights were invited too, they looked too happy to see all foods. Merlin was not that lucky, though. When Arthur sneaked a piece of bread to Merlin without his father noticing, Merlin let out one of his beautiful smiles. When their guest came, Arthur stood up. She was a beautiful woman, her black hair was surpassing her shoulders. Her dark blue dress was covering even her neck, but she looked so elegant. She let Uther kiss her hand.
“What a pleasure seeing you here, Adeline. You are still the same. How many years have passed?”
Adeline’s eyes were on Arthur though, she smiled at him.
“Arthur was just a baby at that time. How are you, my darling?”
Arthur greeted and kissed her hand, too.
“Welcome to Camelot, my lady.”
She smiled. It was not a warm smile unlike what Arthur expected, he felt unsettled. Of course it is not, his betrayer voice whispered, you killed her friend. Your own mother died because of you. The thought was so cruel that Arthur shivered. His whole body was aching, too. How was that possible? He got through so many painful incidents, but he’d never felt like that before. He could feel Merlin’s worried glances on him, but before reassuring him, Adeline sat next to him.
“Plums.” She commented. “Ygraine used to love them.”
Arthur turned to look at her in surprise. “I didn’t know that.”
Adeline hummed. “Didn’t your father mention that? They were her favourite.”
He didn’t. Uther never talked about his late wife, but Arthur could get it. If something happened to Merlin, what he would do, he wasn’t sure. Probably would go insane. Uther coughed.
“We are not talking about her, Adeline.”
“Why not?” She objected. “She was his mother, he needs to hear about her.” She smiled at Arthur. “Don’t you want to, dear?”
He did, he had longed for it so long, but when he nodded, he met with his father’s harsh glares.
“You are in my castle, Adeline.” He retorted. “You’ll obey my rules.”
She didn’t look panicked at all, she silently turned to eat her food.
“He should’ve been my target.” She murmured. “I’ve surely made a mistake.”
“Wha-“ Then Arthur saw it when she revealed her neck. Serpent sorceress. When she smiled, Arthur tried to step back, but it was not possible, he felt like he freezed.
“How was your wish, sire?” She was still eating her dinner. Nobody realized something was wrong, but Arthur’s all bones were screaming at him in anguish.
“What did you do to me?” He hissed.
“It was an impossible wish, darling. You will always hurt someone; you will always disappoint people. That’s the law of nature. Now, your body is fighting with your wish. It will probably kill you.”
“W-why? Why did you do it?”
“Shall we explain together?”
When she got up, she flicked her fingers. She was the old woman now, the woman Arthur saw in the woods. Screams erupted in the hall. Uther stumbled in shock, he lifted his finger furiously.
“You! you!”
“I’m still Adeline, darling.” She let out a laugh. “Twenty years have passed, of course I changed. You forced me to change.”
“And did you become a sorceress?!”
“I always was. Ygraine knew that, but she never shared it with you. When you killed my husband and son after her death, they didn’t have magic. My husband lied to protect me. And you didn’t stop with him, you killed my son too.” Her voice was vicious, Arthur looked at her, trembling. It was not fear from her at all, it was fear of death. Adeline was here to take the revenge of his son, and Arthur didn’t think he could blame her. “Now it is my turn.”
Arthur fell to the ground, he was writhing in pain.
“No!” Merlin screamed and ran towards him, grabbed the prince and took him between his arms. “What are you doing to him?!”
Uther’s eyes were shocked seeing his son screaming on the ground, Morgana was crying. He was hurting them. Even his death was a disturbance, Arthur let out a loud cry between Merlin’s arms.
“He had a wish.” Adeline caressed her snake necklace slowly. “It was quite a noble wish, I must say. I was not expecting that. But he probably didn’t expect that it will cost his death.”
“Take it back, then!” Gwaine shouted at the sorceress, all knights were on stand now, they were ready to attack.
“Why should I? Don’t you want to hear his wish?”
Arthur could see the dread and anger in Merlin’s eyes, he grabbed Merlin’s arm with his two hands. “Please don’t,” He whispered. “Don’t attack her. Don’t let father see you.”
He was begging. “Just hold me.” He cried. Merlin’s tears fell down to his cheeks while he was hugging Arthur harder.
“He wished not to hurt you.” Adeline spoke. Her eyes were on Uther. “He was sure that he was destroying your lives. His loved ones’, his people’s. Then, he made a wish. But you know what, Uther?” She let out a laugh. “Magic knows life. Magic matches with life. And it knows that life would never allow the comfort without some hurt. Now, his body is fighting. The magic will win, his body will lose. Just like his mother.”
Maybe, it would be alright, Arthur thought while his mind was getting hazy. Maybe he could see his mother. Uther was yelling at her to stop the spell, Merlin was sobbing while holding him tightly, his other friends were trying to reach out to him. It was too much, he tried to breathe.
“Please, my love,” Merlin whispered frantically. “Be patient, you will be alright. Please.” Merlin was so warm, Arthur tried to smile. Was his all pain about to be over?
“He was in pain for some time.” Adeline continued cruelly. “But he didn’t dare to say it. how could he when you didn’t notice?”
“I’ll do whatever you want, let my son go.”
“Say sorry.” Adeline demanded. Her snake was wrapped on her neck now. Uther apologized. For many times. Did his father really love him that much?
Adeline smirked and kneeled next to Arthur.
“Don’t you dare touch him!” Merlin hissed. Adeline had no rush to step back; she kissed Arthur’s forehead while others were yelling at her to walk away.
“You look like your mother so much, my darling.” She whispered and smiled at him. This time, it was caring. “I’m sorry to cause you that pain. But a mother needs her revenge.”
When she disappeared, Arthur let out a smile too.
He looked like his mother, what a relief, he thought before his whole world turned black.
He woke up in his bed.
Did he really wake up? He tried to sit, but couldn’t manage it.
“Stop moving, prat.”
Merlin sat beside him and wiped Arthur’s sweaty forehead.
“How am I still here?”
Merlin smiled with wet eyes.
“She probably remembered your mother and couldn’t let you go. Gods, Arthur.”
He kissed every part of Arthur’s face. His nose, his forehead, his cheeks, his lips, his chin. “You scared me.” Merlin confessed. “Don’t you dare, again. You didn’t even let me use magic.”
“I wouldn’t worth it, Merlin.”
“Arthur,” Merlin shook his head frantically, he was caressing Arthur’s face now. “I’m not exaggerating when I would burn the world for you. how could you say that? Gods, how could you wish that?”
“If I didn’t hurt you constantly, you would’ve trusted me.”
Merlin kissed his knuckles.
“We hurt each other, Arthur. Everyone hurts each other. Making poor decisions and hurting your love of life is a part of the life too even if we don’t want to.” Tears were glistening in his eyes. “I’d prefer to be hurt by you every day than living without you, anyway. If you died, Arthur, every day would be a little death to me.”
Maybe Arthur deserved to be loved, he thought looking at Merlin.
Maybe, Merlin and Arthur would choose each other every time, thinking of that felt so precious in a good way.
Everything would go well, this time.