Chapter Text
It was a great life. You woke up in the morning to the finest views of all. You breathed the freshest air in the world. You ate and did the chores when the spirit moved you. You had a whole mountain to call your own.
— Ray Kresek, Fire Lookouts of the Northwest
a note from Edwin Payne:
I understand that this is your space more than it is mine, but could you please tidy up a bit more before leaving for your days off?
FS Form 8-R6
Daily Log
Date:
05-07-███
Station:
Heather Mountain Lookout
Employee:
Payne
| Time | Event | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 15:12 | James Watershed Fire | Spotted and reported smoke at 49° 12’ on Mount James |
a note from Edwin Payne:
I am sorry about the jigsaw puzzle, but I needed to use the desk.
┈ ‧₊↟𖠰𖤣˚┈ ☀︎ ┈ ↟𖠰𖥧 ݁‧ ┈
a note from Charles Rowland:
Sorry about the mess and the puzzle. Relief lookout last year liked doing them. Won't happen again.
a note from Charles Rowland:
What's your name? I'm Charles. The only thing in the logbook I see from you is “Payne”
FS Form 8-R6
Daily Log
Date:
5-10-███
Station:
Heather Mtn L.O.
Employee:
C. Rowland
| Time | Event | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 12:48 | Bear Fire 1 | 33°-54, small fire reported, SE aspect Bear mtn. dark, gently rising smoke. |
from the pages of Charles Rowland's journal:
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5/10. Evening. I miss Hope. I guess it's good that she's off getting married and moving away, but she was the best relief lookout. She got it even though most of the reliefs don't. Not fully, at least. But she was different. She looked over this landscape and saw everything for what it was. I don't think this new relief and I will get along very well. My first interaction with him consisted of two notes he left to complain. Not even a hello.
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FS Form 8-R6
Daily Log
Date:
5-11-███
Station:
Heather Mtn L.O.
Employee:
C. Rowland
| Time | Event | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 8:32 | Gray’s Lake Fire | 165°-02, reported fire, thin white column smoke. Devil’s Pass LO has better view. |
from the pages of Charles Rowland's journal:
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5/11. Afternoon. The weather's been good so far. Strange that the snow's almost entirely melted. Some of the peaks nearby still have white caps though, so the clear hike is just luck. I don't envy Granite Point Lookout. It looks icy out there. Lower down, where there's no snow, it's dry. Already seen some smokes. I think one was human-caused though. Sort of close to some trails.
5/11. Evening. Weather's gotten way worse in the last couple hours. |
a note from Charles Rowland:
High winds and hail last night (5/11) The new dents in the tower add character ☺ 1 window pane broke. Getting a new one in town. There's a tarp under the bed if the draft is an issue.
from the pages of Charles Rowland's journal:
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5/13. Evening. Been drafty with the broken window. Busy with cleanup and repair. The winter wasn't nice to the tower. Going to have to repaint it if it's dry next week. Payne probably isn't doing any repairs. Maybe he's new. That would be a good excuse.
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May 14.
Dear Crystal,
I'm writing to you from up here in the tower. You only came up here a few times over the last couple years, but if you were still here, I'd take you up for a whole week. You'd love it. The summer hasn't even started yet, but it's been such a dry and warm spring, so they're already worried about fires. The last bit of snow up here had melted during my first week. It's beautiful though, and still cool enough to enjoy it.
The wildflowers are incredible. There's this massive field of purple about halfway along the trail, and I'm so excited to see it when I hike down later today. It reminds me of you. The purple is the same color as that coat you wear all the time. You were wearing it the first time we met.
I miss you. I hope you're settling in. I'm starting to settle in here for the summer. There's a new relief lookout, I guess Hope couldn't come back. I think the new guy already hates me. He seems to want to keep a very clean and tidy space, and I'm not the type. In that respect, you'd like him. You've got at least one thing in common.
Fondly, Charles
┈ ‧₊↟𖠰𖤣˚┈ ☾ ┈ ↟𖠰𖥧 ݁‧ ┈
a note from Edwin Payne:
You know the radio can be used to request supplies, yes? For example, a new window pane?
a note from Edwin Payne:
Edwin
from the pages of Edwin Payne's journal:
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May 15. My first weekend here was so confusing and stressful after my assignment was changed at the last minute. I am only now getting a chance to sit down and appreciate where I am. Heather Mountain is just as beautiful as it had been described to me. I have the grandest view of miles and miles of untouched forest and these magnificent white-capped peaks, stretching up into the sky. There is still snow in small patches around the tower, but the trail is clear. I have already met a couple of hikers.
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FS Form 8-R6
Daily Log
Date:
05-16-███
Station:
Heather Mountain Lookout
Employee:
Payne
| Time | Event | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 07:16 | Blackberry Fire | Spotted and reported smoke N of blackberry lake. 26° 30’ |
| 10:52 | Silver Ridge Fire | Spotted and reported smoke on North aspect of Silver Ridge. 338° 48’ |
from the pages of Edwin Payne's journal:
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May 16. I am still getting my bearings up here. Mick said learning the landscape would be the first challenge. I am beginning to understand what he meant. There have already been more fires than I anticipated. I have to give precise locations, which I thought I would have enjoyed. The azimuth and vertical degrees are easy enough. The challenge is the distances and describing the locations. There is a pile of paper maps I have to wade through to figure out how far away anything is.
I know I signed up for this, but I may have romanticized the idea of living in a lookout tower. It is frightfully cold, and the elevation hinders one's breathing, and the food is mediocre at best. I am worried all the time, too. I hike up, worried I will be late, and I spend my shift worried I will miss a smoke or that I will not call it in fast enough. I worry someone will get hurt. I worry I will not get everything done each day. I worry I will do it all wrong. I had imagined this to be a peaceful role, with lots of time to sit and write, but I am afraid that may not happen this summer. I know Niko wants me to do this to get better, but what if I do not improve? What if I become too busy for that? |
┈ ‧₊↟𖠰𖤣˚┈ ☀︎ ┈ ↟𖠰𖥧 ݁‧ ┈
a note from Charles Rowland:
Oh OK, I'll be sure to radio for every minor inconvenience. That will definitely go over well with Mick.
a note from Charles Rowland:
I didn't want to make you install the new pane anyway.
a note from Charles Rowland:
Oh! But you could have been Payne with a pane. Sorry to take that opportunity from you.
a note from Charles Rowland:
I'm sorry, that was rude. I haven't even met you and now I'm making fun of your name.
a note from Charles Rowland:
How is it that you've gotten all the excitement? 4 days this season and 3 smoke sightings. I'm on day 15 and I've only spotted 2. Bored out of my mind.
from the pages of Charles Rowland's journal:
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5/19. Evening. Not sure how to feel about Edwin. He seems cold and displeased with me, but his handwriting is really nice. Hope and I both have scribbly handwriting, but with Edwin's print, it's super easy to read the logs. I feel kind of bad now. I hope he doesn't have a hard time figuring out my notes.
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FS Form 8-R6
Daily Log
Date:
5-20-███
Station:
Heather Mtn L.O.
Employee:
C. Rowland
| Time | Event | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 07:02 | Hard Wood Fire | 201°-59, reported small fire, NW aspect Hardwood Butte. Base visible. |
| 11:40 | Damn Fire | 001°-03, single snag fire reported next to Damn Deer Lake. Dark smoke. |
| 13:26 | Third Ridge Fire 1 | 17°-22, small fire reported on S aspect of Third Ridge |
a note from Charles Rowland:
Ignore the previous note. Big electric storm passed through last night. Lots of excitement. Got creative with the names. Check the log, I'm sure you'll appreciate them
a note from Charles Rowland:
We seem to have a chipmunk guest this summer. His name is Juniper and he sits next to me on the catwalk when it's sunny. Please be nice to him.
from the pages of Charles Rowland's journal:
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5/22. Afternoon. Finished repainting the tower. It's been pretty dry. The storm didn't let down much precipitation at all. I think I'll wait a bit longer to go down. Might wait until I can watch the sunset. Not sure I want to be back at my apartment right now, and I don't want to hike in this heat.
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┈ ‧₊↟𖠰𖤣˚┈ ☾ ┈ ↟𖠰𖥧 ݁‧ ┈
a note from Edwin Payne:
If you truly felt bad about my name, you should have used those notes as tinder rather than leaving them for me to read. And I can install a window pane. You do not know me, and I do not need you to shield me from doing the work I was hired to do.
a note from Edwin Payne:
Why would you do this if you get bored up here?
a note from Edwin Payne:
“Hard Wood Fire” and “Damn Fire” are going to get you fired.
from the pages of Edwin Payne's journal:
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May 23. I am uncertain what to make of my roommate/coworker. His name is Charles. I am trying to figure out who he is and what he is like. I doubt we would get along much. He seems very eager to communicate through a plethora of notes strewn about the tower. To his credit, I believe he is making more of an effort to clean up after his shifts, at least more than the first one. I would not consider this to be very clean, but it is an improvement. I know, however, that I must learn to cope with it. I am only the relief lookout. He is here many more hours than I, and it seems as if he has done this work for a few summers. I worry that if I complain too much, I may get fired. They will not put him at risk when I would be so easy to remove. It is not like I need this job anyway, but I would like to keep it. On principle. Additionally, I am starting to find more downtime in the schedule. Perhaps I will have the time and space to come up with a new book.
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from the pages of Edwin Payne's journal:
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May 24. This evening is going to be difficult. I left Niko back home on an awful note, and I am not looking forward to the conversation that must be had. I have been fraught with anxiety over our last discussion. She did not deserve anything I said. We should have talked before I left. It was cowardly of me to hike up here without taking a moment to apologize. I will stop by the supermarket on my way home to pick some of her favorite candy. She deserves a long apology.
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May 24.
Niko.
I am not planning on sending this to you, but I needed to write it down to practice what I am going to say. However, I am going to seal it, and if I lose my nerve, I will hand it to you, so if you are reading this, I'm truly sorry I am not able to do this to your face. You deserve that much. I hope I will be able to deliver that.
First of all, I apologize for raising my voice. I should not have snapped. I know I have been difficult to have around since the Incident. I appreciate how patient you have been with me. Regardless of what was being said and who was right or wrong, I should not have yelled at you.
Second of all, it was, in fact, me who was wrong. I apologize for that. You were right. I am awful at admitting when I am wrong.
Third, and I think this is the one I feel the worst about, I am so sorry for implying you owe me anything due to our living situation. I was mad, and I regret saying anything. I know my sole name on the deed is something that silently hangs over us, and we don't talk about it. Maybe we should. Please know I am simply happy to have you around. I would continue to be happy even if you stopped doing all the things you do with me and just went to work, came home, and cooked dinner for yourself alone before going to bed. I would never hold it against you. If something happens between us, I am not going to kick you out, and I am sorry if it has ever felt that way.
I care deeply about our friendship. I hope you can forgive me. I will make more of an effort to do something with my time this summer, and hopefully start writing again. I know you feel this way because you care about me, and I am so grateful to have you in my life.
Sincerely, Edwin.
a note from Edwin Payne:
The chipmunk is a menace.
┈ ‧₊↟𖠰𖤣˚┈ ☀︎ ┈ ↟𖠰𖥧 ݁‧ ┈
a note from Charles Rowland:
Sorry
from the pages of Charles Rowland's journal:
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5/25. Afternoon. I may have taken things too far with the notes last week. Edwin seems mad. Hurts a bit. Hope and I got along so well, I think I began to expect that of the relief. Edwin probably just wants to keep things professional. That's normal. I respect that.
5/26. Evening. After the first mule train a couple weeks ago with all the initial goods, another pack train came up today. We're lucky to get two this month. More propane and more food, plus some supplies for fixing up the tower that I asked Mick to send up after getting to examine how the building fared over the winter. 5/27. Morning. I brought my guitar up this trip but I think I'm going to take it back to my apartment. It's not getting any use, and it's wasting precious space up here. I pick it up now, and I only think of playing with Crystal and how much I miss her. I know it's selfish, but I wish she'd move back. I'm happy for her. I know she got an incredible job offer. I wish she didn't have to move across the country for that kind of opportunity. I guess I've always known she's been a city person and that our time in town was going to end. I had just hoped it would take a bit longer. |
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5/28. Afternoon. Absolute disaster. First backpacking group of the season passed through. One of the guys looked just like my dad. On my way out to talk to them, I saw him and nearly tripped off the platform. I don't remember anything about our conversation. I must have looked like I was in a daze. After he left, I broke down. Ended up curled under a bush. Not sure what I would have done if anyone else came by. I hope I didn't miss any radio calls. Mick knows all the requirements of a lookout like the back of his hand. If he knew how much my family haunts me, or if the Forest Service caught wind of it, they'd probably mark me unfit for duty. The weekend cannot come sooner, but also, I never want to go down the mountain.
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May 29.
Dear Crystal,
Remember how I said the relief lookout probably hates me? I think it's all but confirmed. His name is Edwin. He and I have been having this awful, two-week-long argument using notes left around the tower over a broken window pane. I said I didn't want to make him have to install a new one (the old one broke during a hailstorm), and he took deep offense to that and now he's acting like I've stabbed his childhood pet or something.
I wish you were still here. I'd get to go over to your place during my weekends, we'd get high, and I'd tell you all about the developments with the Edwin saga, and you'd laugh and say something incredibly smart and it'd get my head put on straight and I'd feel so much better.
Other than the whole thing with Edwin, though, I'm doing great, so you don't need to worry about me. I promise I'm okay. Things have been super smooth here. Not too many fires, so lots of free time. I've been enjoying the sun and the nice weather. Is it gonna get really hot over the summer where you're at?
How's the new job? Are you settling in okay?
Missing you,
Charles
from the pages of Charles Rowland's journal:
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5/30. Afternoon. Writing to buy some time, I guess. The apartment always smells so strange when I get back. I stare at the walls too much. I don't want to be there, especially without Crystal around. I wonder if Edwin would mind me staying up here forever. I could make myself scarce. Mick probably wouldn't approve. He'd say something stupid about everyone deserving time off. I don't think time off is good for me.
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┈ ‧₊↟𖠰𖤣˚┈ ☾ ┈ ↟𖠰𖥧 ݁‧ ┈
from the pages of Edwin Payne's journal:
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May 31. I did not realize how much I had been looking forward to my short days up here until I started hiking, and I especially did not know how much of my excitement was centered around anticipating reading what Charles might have to say until I arrived to find a single, one-word note. I so enjoy getting to piece together who he might be through the papers he leaves behind. This is less than an ideal clue. It gives hint to very little, beyond the fact that he is a man who apologizes. Well, I suppose that is a good indicator of his character. Or at least part of it.
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a note from Edwin Payne:
No, I apologize. I was not having a good week.
from the pages of Edwin Payne's journal:
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May 31. (cont.) These backpackers speak so fondly of Charles. They seemed rather disappointed to find me instead of him. However, I think I won a few of them over with a discussion about astronomy. Perhaps next time, they will be looking forward to meeting me at the tower. I think I understand the eagerness to speak to Charles that all the backpackers have. His silence this past week is truly felt. There weren't any fires last week either, so there is little written in the log. Just as those backpackers were ready to see him, I, too, would love to get to speak to him. Or even just receive another note. I wonder if this is the solitude speaking. Perhaps every lookout starts to go insane?
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a note from Edwin Payne:
If you happen to only halfway finish a puzzle next week, could you leave it on the desk?